The Phoenix of My Soul
by Haruka321
Summary: This is our cataclysmic downfall. If I call out for help...would anyone reach us? I hope I can forgive myself for having the grit to navigate this road to ruin. Contains drugs/booze, sex, and violence, as simple as that. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Summer 2013**

**Destiny Islands**

"Sora, get up your going to be late!"

My radio alarm excessively beats out techno across the warm room. My eyes finally begin to open slowly as the volume increases.

"Come on hun, it's the last day...How hard can it be?" I hear my mothers voice from the other side of the door.

_How hard can it be...?_

"Ahh...fuck..."I groan, wiping my eyes.

Yeah.

"I'm up...!" I yell out from under the sheets.

"Hurry, your cereal is getting soggy." I hear mom's soft footsteps disappear down towards Roxas' room.

I throw the warm sheets off me and jump up.

She's right. It is the last day. In fact, the _very_ last day of highschool. How hard can it be to face Riku this one last time?

_...Fuck...who am I kidding? I'm a mess. I can't..._

I walk over to my radio alarm clock and stare at it before I give it a yank straight off the wall. After brushing my teeth and getting dressed I jump down the stairs and head straight into the kitchen where my Roxas and my bowl of soggy cereal awaits me.

I lift the spoon from the bowl once before deciding that it's a no go for breakfast today. Roxas is leaning across the counter with a bagel in hand eying me up and down. His dirty blonde hair just as disheveled as mine.

We're just like twins, everyone says.

"What?"

"You've been wearing the same black outfit for a week now. You're starting to scare everyone at school. People think you're going mad, like you're gonna try to take everyone out today. You know..." He makes a gun with his fingers.

I sigh, "I haven't had time for laundry."

"Bull..."He sings out.

We both begin to walk towards the front door.

"Bye mom!" We both yell up the stairs before walking out.

The sun was in the middle of rising above the horizon, brightening up all the small island homes. We sit in my car and wait for it to warm up.

"So what you're like a goth now? Shit-y music if you ask me, been there done that." Roxas comments.

"Glad you find some humor in my situation..."

"I'm sorry. It's just that...well, it is only a break-up. You and Riku were together for a long ass time but hell, it's time to move on. It's been like, what, two months since the break up now?"

"After being with him for four fucking years, two months tends to feel like two days."  
>Roxas shakes his head, chuckling.<p>

"I think you need to hit this."

"What...?"

I look over to see Roxas trying to light his fucking joint in my car and push his head over.

"Don't light that crap in my car Roxas...!" I yelled.  
>"What?" He laughs as though it's a joke.<p>

"I'm depressed, not a druggie."

"Whatever...I ain't no druggie..." He replies almost defensively as he sparked up his joint and began puffing.

"I hate you." I reach into the glove department and grab my heavy duty scarf, wrapping it around my mouth and nose as to not get high off of second hand smoke.

Call me whatever you want.

He starts to laugh away at me all the while taking huge hits off of his joint.

"I don't know how you can stand the smell of that shit, you're gross."  
>"Fuck you, you're gross."<p>

He makes the smoke ballon in his mouth, drawing it back in through his nostrils.

I shake my head.

I would try getting through to Roxas that drugs are no way to live but he's as stubborn as a goat. I care about him a lot, and we actually get along great when I'm not as depressed, it's just the drugs.

The goddamned drugs.

Drugs kind of ruined our childhood.

Our 'dad' is a huge meth fiend.

And we've been living in a meth lab on and off for years.

"Hey Sora...you wanna know something cool?"  
>"What?"<br>He takes one last huge rip off of his joint before blowing smoke onto the side of my face.

"You get the highest when it's blown in your ears!"

"Roxas! What the fuck?!"  
>"Haha you deserved it you dick! Don't worry I'm sure your super scarf will protect you from reefer madness." He bellows.<p>

"Wh-what about the ear thing!?"  
>"What about it? I was just fucking with you. You don't really believe you can get high through having smoke in your ears, do ya?" He chuckles and it makes me want to deck him in the face.<p>

**-x-**

Me and Roxas debate all the way from home into the school on whether I should be putting suspicious smoke in my lungs or not. It was rather annoying to hear his defense on the subject.

"All I'm saying, is that you'll probably be able to make a little sense of all the bullshit in your life if you'd just pick up a pipe."

"Yeah, lets say I pick up a pipe and decide to start killing people. What then?"

Roxas throws up his hands as he begins to walk off, "Don't take my word for it!"

The hallways are bustling with excited students walking to and from lockers and classrooms. The aroma of shitty processed breakfast is wafting through the air. It's obvious that the focus of today is summer.

"Sora!" I hear Kairi as she hugs me from behind.  
>"You bum!"<p>

"Hey."  
>"You still down in the dumps?" She holds my arm as we walk to my locker.<p>

"I had a little fight with myself last night on whether I should hang myself so yeah I suppose you could say I'm still hanging out in the dumps."

She pouts, "Sora..."  
>I shake my head, "It's fine. I'm fine. I just need this day to end so summer lovin' can begin." I dig into myself and pull out a smile that never seems to fail public eyes.<p>

"That's my Sora! Look, I know you aren't going to the grad party but after it's over you're welcome to come over to my place watch some films with Namine and I."

"Don't worry about me, I've gotta run a bunch of errands after the graduation so I'll probably be knocked out by the time the party's over."

She frowns, "Okay. Well you know you can come over at anytime, don't hesitate."

The bell rings as I throw my backpack in the locker.

"I won't, you know me Kairi." I smile once again.

"Okay, I gotta head to class, see you at lunch."

She gives me a quick hug before she scuttles off to class.

I lean up against my locker for a second. Hayner should be here. He should be here skipping with me. But instead he's all the way in Twilight Town, righting his wrongs because he can't control his temper.

I feel so alone...

I take my backpack out from the locker again and head straight to the boys bathroom. It was empty.

Inside the stench was like usual, piss, shit, and a bit of sweat to bring it all together. I claim the cleanest stall and take a seat, pulling my legs up close to my chest.

The tears want to come out, but I'm not sure if there's any left. So I just grip my hair tight.

"I wish...why don't you love me Riku...?" I thought to myself.

Me and Riku had something special. At least I thought so...

Four years we were together. And in those four years I thought our relationship had grown to become golden. You could imagine the look on my face when I discovered all the messages him and some girl had been exchanging for a year.

Even then...I said I wanted to fix it.

But I...

He left me.

He left me for her and that was it.

I hear someone walk into the stall next to me. I look down to try to identify who the person was by the shoes.

Grey chuck taylors. A student I guess.

The person pulls their legs up and they don't meet the floor again.

I begin to get nervous, who else is skipping class next to me?

"Skippin' class?" I hear the voice drone out next to me.

I chuckle, "Yup...Skippin'."

"What's the matter with you? Last day of school and you can't even get through your classes? You know they don't make you do anything too hard on the last day, right?"

As peeved as I was becoming with this stranger next to me already...I was drawn to him.

Maybe it was my need to just...vent.

"I know that. I'm graduating from this shit hole. It's having to look at my shit ex what's got my hiding in here. I can't take it anymore..."

I catch how aggravated I'm getting with the direction the conversation is heading and I offer up an apology.

"I-I'm sorry. I've had a shit day for two months now."

"It's cool."

"You ever been in love...?"  
>He laughs, "Not even close. What's her name?"<p>

I hesitate to correct him because I'm having an alright time getting it all out. I don't want it to end just because I'm a faggot.

I'm not up for drama.

"...His name...?" I say loud so there's no room for question.

What I expected next was a gag.

A scream.

A few hurtful words, maybe him coming out to try and clobber me in the stall.

But all I hear is a, "Oh."  
>"Sorry if I weirded you out."<p>

"You didn't weird me out, gay is gay. It's 2013, who the fuck cares?"  
>We laugh.<p>

"So why are you skipping...?" I ask, a bit embarrassed of my confession now.

"Oh me? I'm not skipping."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to go to this school, just dropped by to see people I haven't seen since I left."

"You graduate?"  
>"Nope, I went to prison."<p>

"Prison? For what?"  
>"Don't worry, I'm not a murderer hiding out in a highschool. I was in there for two years. Arson."<p>

"Jesus really?"

"Yep. They threw me in and threw away the key. Just got out last month but I haven't decided to tell any of my old buddies yet. Still dealing with adjustments. I thought I could handle being in a building surrounded by tons of fucking people walking all around me but I was wrong. So I decided to just come in here and hide out, I don't really like it."

"That sucks, I'm sorry."  
>"Aw, it's alright. I've payed the price and now I'm free. If anyone really gives two shits they'll find me. Anyways, I'm getting a bit tired of sitting on these shit holes, wanna get some food? It's on me, I'ma rich man now." He teases and I see his feet meet the yellow piss stained ground again.<p>

"Rich man?"  
>"Well, a few grand richer than I was when I left. I'll explain later."<p>

I do and I don't want this bathroom confessional to end.

This kid moves fast.

"You sure you want to hang out with me? My appearance is a downer."

"Pssh, I look like a clown. I make children in the street cry. I'm gonna stand on the toilet seat and get a good look at ya."

I push my heavy brown locks from my eyes and look over towards the top of the stall, anticipating the stranger to look over.

And he does.

And I know who it is.

His grin widens, "Hey it's you!"

Son of a bitch.

Axel.

I roll my eyes, "And it's you."  
>"You can't say you're not happy that it's me." He crosses his arms over on the edge of the stall.<p>

**-x-**

"So, the guy you were talking about was Riku, am I right?" We sat in my car in the parking lot of a burger joint a few minutes away from school.

I take the top off and begin to dig into the burger that Axel so happily bought me.

"Yup. He found someone else he was happier with." I state as I throw the pickles out onto the parking lot floor.

He shrugs, "Eh, saw it comin'."  
>"Gee thanks."<br>Axel shakes his head, "You're not as miserable as you may think you are. It's a blessing that you broke up with the dude as soon as you did."  
>"You're only saying this because you hate Riku."<br>"Yeah, but also because I know a thing or two. You'll see how much better being single is."

I glance over at Axel.

He looks better than he did two years ago.

Happier, I mean.

He was into drugs when he left. Was always shaky, sweating, angry. He was a bigger asshole than he is now.

It's funny, I never thought I'd hang out with Axel like this. I never thought he'd be this easy to talk to.

His red fiery hair was pulled back in a low pony tail, showing his striking features off. Those emeralds shone beautifully...

"I'm serious, being single is the shit. The longest I've ever been in a relationship was six fucking months-"

I scoff, "Kid..."  
>"Kid? Kid? Those were the hardest months of my life. Never again. Larxene the ant queen..." He quivers in his seat, "So, what are you up to tonight?"<br>I finish chewing my bite of food, "Graduating."  
>"Oh yeah. Fuck Sora stop being so sad. Seriously! You're graduating?" He shakes his head.<p>

"It doesn't matter when you've got a broken heart."  
>"Yeah well broken hearts are nothing new. You've got a car, a family, an education. You've probably got your university all set up and shit too huh?"<p>

"Twilight."  
>"See?"<br>I smile at his attempts to cheer me up.

"What are you doing after graduation?"

"I'm hanging myself."  
>"Nope. You're chilling with me"<br>"You?"

Axel pushes both his thumbs into his chest, "Me."

"And do what, kill off my brain cells?"  
>"I don't know what you have against partying, but whatever your parents taught you is going to be redacted by midnight."<p>

"I'm not partying." I lean back in my seat and look up, my face bathing in the sunlight.

Axel tilts his head and pinches my cheek, "You're so cute when you don't know what's coming to you."

"Fuck you."

**-x-**

"So you're hanging out tonight right? Right? Right?" He pushes on as we pull into the school parking lot.

"Maybe Axel. Maybe."

"Awesome, I'll see you after graduation."

I laugh, "Cool."

The silence in the car was almost too much to stand, thank god he spoke again.  
>"So if I go there you're gonna be hanging around looking for me right?"<br>I sigh and take a pen out of the glove compartment.

I scribble my number on his arm, "So if you get antsy you can call me."

We step out of the car and hold a gaze before I break it.

"So I'll see you later tonight then."

"Right, see you later Sora." And like that he begins to walk off.

"Bye."  
>"Bye. Keep your head up okay!"<br>I give him a thumbs up before locking my doors and rushing back into school.

**-x-**

Last period was the hardest. Art.

Me and Riku once sat side by side, but now we sat on opposite sides of the room.

Namine on his side and Kairi on mine, so our friend group isn't shaken up too badly.

Since today was the last day we were left to draw, paint, sculpt, really anything that didn't have to do with the teacher talking to us.

I didn't let my eyes leave the paper once I began to sketch.

A duck, a dog, and a mouse in this crazy fantasy land. In a way my really good friends...

A land I wouldn't mind living in if it meant I didn't have to bother with Riku.

"Hey Sora, can I ask you something?"

I raise a brow, "Yeah?"  
>She leans in and whispers in my ear, "Where were you today? It was like you disappeared after I saw you this morning."<p>

"I skipped."  
>Kairi gasps, "Sora you never skip."<p>

"Yeah I do."

"That was a _long_ time ago, before Hayner got arrested."

"Well..."  
>"With who...?"<br>I slowly turn my head towards her.

"Let me ask you this, what do you already know?" I tap the end of my pencil against the desk, feeling her expressions out.  
>"Well...uhm...okay! Roxas and I saw you with Axel...was it...you know...Axel?"<br>I nod my head.

She gasps/

"You actually hung out with him?"

"Yeah."  
>"So...I mean...how? And why?"<br>"Well...I don't know. We just got to talking and he offered to buy me lunch. So we got lunch."

"Wow." That was all Kairi could muster up before she plopped down in her chair.

I guess it's such a surprise because I'm straight-edge and he's like a spiral. I don't like to surround myself with people who intoxicate themselves (except Roxas, but that's more of an obligation I have toward him), but I guess it's time for a change.

Once the bell rings I quickly make my way out of the classroom. I could've been faster because Riku stops me.  
>"Sora."<br>"Hey." I try to keep walking but he holds my wrist.

"I saw you with Axel."  
>"And?"<p>

"Well...I mean, what were you doing with him?"  
>I snatch my wrist away from him, "What do you care?"<p>

"Sora...just because I'm not with you doesn't mean that I don't want to be in your life still."  
>"How can you say that when you fucked me over?"<p>

"I know it doesn't make any sense...I know. I still care about you Sora. Axel is a bad seed...you know this-"  
>"-You made me get it through my head that we weren't together when you dumped me on my birthday. Why don't you get it through your head that I don't have to tell you shit. You don't need to be in my life after how bad you hurt me."<br>"Fine then. I guess that settles it."  
>I swallow, "Yeah, it does."<p>

I don't even realize it, but I'm running.

I run out of the school into the parking lot and jam the keys in the ignition so hard I thought the key had broken off inside of it. The tears flow harder than I've ever let them in public and I peel the fuck out of the parking lot before anyone notices.

**-x-**

I've been at the northern beach where graduation is being held for an hour now, watching people set up.

I knew if I went home I wouldn't have the spirit to get up again. They'd all gather around my door afterward to figure out what my problem was.

So I sat there, alone on the hood of my car with my yellow cap and gown on.

**-x-**

It was a struggle to smile when confronted with friends and family yet again, but I managed to pull it off. Maybe I faked it a bit better knowing that someone wanted to hang out with me for reasons other than the fear that I might off myself.

So there I stood. With a big fucking grin on my face.

Fuck Riku.

We stood in a long line, our names being called out one by one.

My nerves tingle and my grin becomes more true to itself.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that I was graduating.

They finally call out my name and Namine slaps my butt, "That's my boy!" She jokes as I walk out. I accept my diploma and punch the sky with my fist as I hear applauds and whistles out from the crowd.

Those few seconds were over fast but the smile stayed long after the ceremony was over.

After pictures with the family and friends I stay behind, my excuse being that I'm going to help take down crap.

Once Roxas and my mother left I check my phone.

**-x-**

The walk to my car is the loneliest. I always imagined that I would be walking cheerfully away from graduation with Riku and the rest. We would spend our last days of summer on Destiny Islands hanging out at our secret getaway, beating the crap out of eachother with wooden swords, writing our secrets within the cave, building a crap boat and indulging in the paopu fruit. Setting off fireworks and running around until dawn...

I see Axel leaning on the trunk of my blue ride, eyes focused on nothing more but the twilight skies.

How I grew a liking towards Axel in this short period of time is beyond my comprehension.

"Hey." Axel flashes a smile that nearly melts my heart.

Not quiet yet...

**-x-**

"How was your graduation?"

I huff, "It was quick and easy. Not as bad as I originally thought."

As we drive through the streets I take down the hood of my car. The just cool wind passes through my hair and brings on a new calm.

Axel begins to light a cigarette.

I would let him in on the no smoking policy but what do I care anymore?

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Axel asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well..."He looks up thoughtfully.

"What are you open to?" He inquires with a devilish grin.

"I-I don't know-"

"-Oh come on Sora! You know just exactly what you want to do so why don't you just say it?" He comes to life and it makes me laugh a little.

I hold my tongue, not sure what to reply with.

"Soraaa..." He continues on.

"I need to go to my house first. Okay?"

**-x-**

"Oh Sora you're home so soon! I thought you went to the graduation party with your friends."  
>My mother sits up on the peach couch as she sets her drink down. Donny is no where to be found.<p>

Probably in the basement slamming meth.

"No, I have a change of plans. Where's Roxas?"  
>"Upstairs. He's already started his routine summer gaming schedule, whatever the hell that is."<p>

My mom is a sweetheart, she really is. She and my father had a pretty solid relationship until Roxas was born. He figured two brunettes don't produce a blonde and decided to look into it more. Turns out she had a one night stand right around the time I was born with her ex. Roxas was born nine months later and my father decided to stick around because bottom line was that if he didn't take care of us then Donny would.

So instead of leaving mom when we were born he left after he established a meaningful relationship with Roxas and I when we were around eight.

So he could increase the shock factor I guess, fuck if I know.

I kick off my shoes and jacket before I climb up the carpeted stairs to head into my room.

The blue and yellow blocky alarm clock layed still amongst a clutter of clothing on the floor. I move over to the brown wooden dresser by the foot of my bed and open it carefully as to not knock over all the photos and random items that rested upon it.

I strip off all my clothing and dig out a pair of underwear and my non depressing clothing.

A pair of jeans and a white t-shirt.

Before heading back downstairs I go down the hall toward Roxas' room. I could hear music from his games echoing down the halls.

"Roxas." I say as I walk in. The room is heavily clouded with pot smoke as him and Pence sat straight across the television set. In between them rests a small white and blue glass piece filled with half burnt weed. I pull my shirt over my nose and walk to his bathroom.

"What do you want?" Roxas asks but I can tell he doesn't really care.

"Sup Sora." Pence says, not taking his eyes off of the t.v.

"Hey Pence. Roxas I need something out of your bathroom." I open the door and make my way over the the sink. I pop open his mirror cabinet and saw the norm. Toothpaste, a few condoms, an untouched brush and a few orange pill bottles.

"Hey, 'the fuck are you doing in there?" He called out from the room.

"What's that stuff you take that makes you all calm and shit?" I look at the three bottles.

"It's called weed, what you finally want a hit?" He and Pence begin to snort from the room as I start opening his bottles up.

"I'm serious. Which one of these did your doctor give you?"

"No, I'm serious..." I hear him get up.

He opens the bathroom door and takes the bottles from me.

"Give me these...what, you want an anti-anxiety?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sora Sora Sora...you really should be smoking with us instead of taking pills. You sure you don't want to smoke?"

He's about to hand me them before he pulls his arm back," Ten bucks."  
>"Fuck off-"<br>"-Okay here."  
>He hands me four tiny blue pills.<p>

"Xanies. Don't take 'em all at once. Take one and only one."  
>"What if I don't feel anything?"<br>Roxas smiles, "Then you should dump them in the trash and pick up a pipe."

We walk back into the room where Pence is fiddling around with the game controller.

"Quit fucking with the game options, piggy. Cheater." He sneers.

"Fuck you too twiggy pop. Hey what are you up to tonight Sora?" Pence asks before hitting the pipe and passing it to Roxas.

"Nothing just gonna go hang out with Axel."  
>"Axel? Hey don't smoke with him!"<p>

"What? Axel? You're gonna go smoke with him? Don't smoke with him smoke with us!"

"Yeah smoke with us that's what I'm saying!"

"I'm not gonna smoke with anyone!" I try to clear up the confusion.

"We're just gonna go hang out."

"Yeah and get high off of my pills..." Roxas hits his pipe again and blows heavy smoke my way.

"Since when did you get high Sora?"

"Since today. I gotta go, you guys talk too much. Later."

"Later."  
>"Peace."<p>

**-x-**

I rush downstairs and bid my mom a farewell before hoping in the car.

Axel leans over and gets a good whiff of me.

He laughs, "You reek."  
>"That's Roxas and Pence gaming."<p>

"So, how's life been since you've gotten back?"  
>He shrugs, "Alright. A lot more boring than before I left, that's for sure."<p>

"Any new found goals?"

"Obviously. I want to move."  
>"Move?"<br>"Yeah, but before that I need to get into a business."  
>"You mean get a job?"<br>He chuckles, "Yeah...a job. For now I think I'm pretty safe. My mom hit the jackpot. One herself a ton of cash and now she's a business woman. She's goes all over the world doing random crap while me and Hiro sit at home eating her excess food and using her electricity. Life's not half bad now."

"What have you guys been doing since you got out?"  
>Axel grins, "Hanging out just like the good ole times. We even share a room."<p>

"I'd never be able to share a room with Roxas."

"It's easier when you've had two years away from the person."

**-x-**

Axel's home was large but not overly glamorous. The porch lights were off.

I follow him to the top of the stairs where there was a girl sitting down.

"Who are you?" Axel asks.

"Hiro said to meet him at his place around nine. I've been here for almost an hour waiting for that asshole!"

"Alright, let me go get him."  
>"Thanks."<br>We walk in and shut the door behind us.

"Hiro gets all types of crazy broads now, it's as though we've switched places."

I follow him upstairs into a room off on the right. A small lamp illuminated the room. On the bottom bunk of his bed layed Hiro, Axels little brother. I would have never guessed them to be brothers until Roxas told me one day. Hiro has the same facial features as Axel's, but his hair was jet black and short, the complete opposite. Hiro wore bangs that covered his eyes for the most part.

Axel takes off his shoes and throws them at Hiro.

"Ow hey!"  
>"Your girlfriends outside waiting for you, she's pissed."<br>"What?"  
>"I said, your girlfriend is waiting outside for you. Says she's been there for an hour now. She is pissed."<br>"Aw shit Kayliee..." He jumps up with a worried expression and rushes down the stairs.

"Make yourself at home."

"You got any water?"

He reaches under the bed and tosses me a water bottle.

"Thanks." I sit down on the floor and open it up.

He leaves the room and I take one blue pill out of my pocket.

"Bottom's up."  
>I pop it.<p>

Swallow.

The worst anxiety ensued right after I had swallowed.

I hope I don't lose it and go crazy.

Or do something really embarrassing.

Or die.

Yikes.

To forget about what I had just down I headed over to Axel's T.V where video games layed directly under it. I shuffle through them, finding a few good ones as well as some random action flicks and a few skin flicks.

Nothing I've never seen before, but still, you'd think they would hide this in a better place.

**-x-**

As the night carried on I felt more at ease with myself. Tension and anxiety had slowly crept away and me and Axel were having a pretty good time gaming.

I receive three texts throughout the night from Riku. All that have to do with who I hang out with and who I talk to. It didn't phase me as much as it would have. Usually I'd be stuck texting until my thumbs went numb.

"So you sure you and Riku broke up?"  
>"Positive. He's just handling everything weird. We aren't together and he left me. He has a girlfriend but he still thinks that we have to let each other in on what's going on. As if we're just on break."<br>"Jeez what an asshole."

"Yup."  
>"So when are you gonna share your xanax with me."<br>My heart nearly skipped a beat. I turn back to look at Axel beaming.

"It is SO easy to tell."

"Fine. So I took a xanax? So what?"  
>"You really took that xanax?"<br>I nodded as I pulled out another blue football.

"Enjoy."


	2. Chapter 2

I awake on the ground almost as fast as I fell asleep.

"What the...Oh Goddammit...!"

The game is still playing the annoying digitized beat as our characters stood nearly still. Axel lays a few feet away, knocked out.

Lame. If that's what getting high is like.

I look at my phone and it's close to two in the morning. Instead of waking up Axel, I decide to lay back down.

I sigh, which apparently was enough to wake Axel up.

"...What?" He asks in a daze.

"What?"

"What happened?"  
>"I don't know, but if that's what it's like to get high then it's fucking lame."<br>"Well, it is only an anti-anxiety." He yawns, scratching the hair band out of his hair.

"If you really want to get high, the easiest and safest way is to smoke some weed."  
>"Gross. I can't stand the smell of that shit, I can't even imagine having to taste it."<p>

"It's not that bad, it's like an acquired taste. Like drinking black coffee. Hold on."

Axel grabs a gray jacket before heading into the bathroom for a second.

I notice another text in my phone.

"_I find it funny that you're only hanging out with Axel to make me jealous. Thought you had a little more class than to look for my attention?"_

This is just like Riku.

It's always me, not him.

So far, he's texted me four times without me replying.

Axel reemerges, his hair tied back again.

"Come on."

"What are we doing?"

"We're getting high." He opens his bedroom door.

"Wait."  
>"What?" He steps down the stairs, me following behind like a hesitant puppy.<p>

"I don't know about this?"  
>"What do you mean?"<br>"About getting high."  
>"We just did it a few hours ago, the only difference is that you're gonna have fun this time."<p>

Hiro is downstairs on the couch talking on his phone.

Axel taps Hiro over the shoulder and makes a gesture of smoking.

The orange ambiance from the stone fireplace illuminates the dim room. To my right is one large arched glass door that leads to a beautiful view of the patio surrounded by coconut trees and sand. Beyond that lies the sand leading to the dark ocean waves.

Before I can gaze out of the glass doors my phone buzzes and I lurch forward. The pit of my stomach begins to sink because I know who it is.

I flip open my cheap phone and see an unread text from Riku.

...Who would've guessed!

"_Last box of your shit. Get it now or never."  
><em>

"Are you kidding me...?" I mutter to myself, punching in a new message with much displeasure.

"_What do you mean?"  
>"I have the last of your shit in a box. You can pick it up now, or never."<em>

"_But it's two in the fucking morning."_

"_You're still awake, obviously."_

"_You know, for someone dumped me, you sure are showing colorful bouts of jealousy..."_

I turn my attention back to Axel, who has taken up slapping Hiro around for his own pleasure. "I'm gonna need to drop by Riku's really quick."

"Why?" He asked with a puzzled face, still slapping around Hiro.

"Because if I don't he's gonna throw away my shit."

"Tell him he can burn your shit for all you care. Watch him _rage_." Axel laughs maniacally . I frown, "No, I might have really important stuff over there." He shrugs, "Whatever. Can I come?"  
>"Yeah, can you take this firecrotch with yo-ow!" Axel cuts him off with a hard backhand to the mouth.<p>

"You fucking asshole!"  
>"Hey!...No name calling." Axel laughs out again.<p>

"No, I think he'd just throw my shit away the minute he saw you with me."  
>"Why? Is he <em>jealous?<em> Ha!"

Axel and Riku never got along, but I can say as a victim myself that Riku used to be a bit of a bully. Ironically, I was his first victim. I was the sitting duck. Because of my size compared to him at the time, when we would play warriors he would beat the crap out of me with his wooden sword until I finally hit puberty and was able to beat the crap out of him back. At school it was worse, he'd call me names and actually locked me in a locker once. I was stuck in there for about an hour, the janitor was on his lunch break.

….Why the hell did I go out with that asshole? And for so long...

"It'll only take twenty minutes."

"Alright. Get ready to smoke when you come back."

"Yeah," I chuckle walking back up the stairs," About that, I'm not smoking."  
>"Why not? It doesn't hurt."<br>"Maybe you can give me a sip of wine. Maybe"

He sticks his tongue out and scoffs, "Wine."

**-x-**

The drive to Riku's was nerve-racking. Riku had made the conscious decision to leave me with all the heartbreak. He has someone to hold at night and to love and give love to, and I'm left with a big pile of shit on my doorstep.

What a fucker.

Atleast, that's what I feel.

I pull up to the curb at the front of his blue and white home. Riku's out, sitting on the steps with a box holding all of my belongings. His fingers are entangled with his beautiful white hair, stroking them through the ends. An absent expression is present on his soft face, almost sadness lingering out of his aquamarine eyes as they watch my car.

_Oh Riku..._

I can't help it, my feelings. Every time I get a sight of him, butterflies set off in my tummy and I-I don't know what to think... How can I be mad when in the end...all I want is to be with him?

I exit my car and walk up the steps with hands in my pocket. I take a seat next to him and lean over to look in the box. Inside are a few boxers, old photos and notes, some overdue library books, random keys and key chains, and my crown necklace.

I swallow, "Thanks for not dumping my shit."

"Why are you hanging out with him?" He comes across domineering in his question. The absent, almost sad expression that he wore is now gone. All I see left in his eyes is anger.

"I just am...he bought me lunch."

"So that means you should automatically stay at his place over night?"

"I-I mean...we're just hanging out."  
>"Really? Because it seems like you're just trying to get a rise out of me."<p>

I could no longer hold back my tongue.

"Why in the fuck would I try to get a rise out of you? All I've been trying to do these past two months is get over you! You're always so fucking self-centered..."

"Sora, we were best friends before we were lovers! I still want to be a part of your life, as stupid and impossible as it sounds..."

He stammers on," When I see you with that _fuck_ of a guy named Axel it pisses me off. He's nothing but trouble-"  
>"-I never said I wanted to still be friends with you after this." I burst out, holding back my tears.<p>

"You left me on my fucking birthday...you cheated on me for a year and then you just dumped me on my birthday! How can you possibly believe that we can still pull off being friends?"

My hands are becoming shaky.

"Four years...and in the last year you didn't even have the balls to tell me that you had found someone else until it was time to graduate. You haven't the idea...the many clinics I've visited...the tests..." My vision blurred out and I felt a tear roll down my cheeks.

Riku sat there dry and dispassionate.

"You never have much to say, do you?" I ask him silently.

He exhaled, running his hands through his hair once more.

"I'm sorry..."  
>"If you didn't want to be in a relationship with me...you...you could've just let me down easily...l-like a friend would have..."<p>

"I know Sora...I'm sorry..."

I grab my box of possessions and walk to my car.

I throw the box down in the passengers seat before starting up the ignition and taking off.

_If I had fucked him everything would've been fine._

_If I had fucked him, he'd probably be trying to move away with me._

_He'd want to marry me..._

There's this feeling, chewing away at my heart.

I've got to relieve it.

**-x-**

_Riku you idiot..._

Before getting out of my car, I take my crown necklace and place it around my neck.

At least I feel a bit safer.

A bit more loved again.

Upstairs Axel lied on the floor of his bedroom, playing the same racing game we had been playing before we passed out a few hours ago.

"Fucking Toad, get out my lane bitch."

I kick off my shoes and sit cross legged next to Axel. He takes a few glances over while trying to retain his momentum in the game, "What happened."  
>"He gave me my stuff."<p>

"You okay?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

All the music from the game halted as Axel stood up.

On top of the chestnut dresser under his television he grabs a tubular object and some sort of canister.

"No." I say immediately.

"Come on, your face says it all. Anger...hostility...the need to just 'let go'. It's just a new experience to add to your book of life."

"What if it makes me go crazy?"

"Dude you took a man-made pill to get high before you took plant material that you could grow with your two bare hands out of the ground in your own backyard. I rest my case."

Axel opens up the canister and I smell the smell instantly. He draws back, "Whew! That stinks...Hey Hiro!"

"What?!"

"Ready?!"

Axel pulls out a tiny ball of green.

"It will be my first smoke in two years. Hiro bought it from Roxas." Axel smiles slyly, as though he wishes to see the irritation in me.

"No he didn't."  
>"Yeah he did." Axel says frankly.<p>

I take a breather.

_Sora, it's okay._

"He's not a drug dealer, is he?" I ask. Hiro walks into the room and takes a seat next to us. "I dunno. Hey Hiro, does Roxas deal?"  
>"Well," He groans, stroking his chin, "I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He sold me two grams of that stuff right there that I had been saving for Axel...but he's always asking me to buy him shit from the market when we hang out...he's broke so I doubt it."<p>

I sigh.

He packs it into the pretty clear and silver glass pipe that held water inside. Without any warning, Axel takes a rip out of the pipe. Thick white smoke crawled into the chamber as he inhaled longer. His emerald eyes watered just a bit as he finishes his hit with a cheeky feel about him.

He passes it over to Hiro and I can't help but to watch the scene again. The way the smoke bellows into the long glass chamber with the water bubbling, leading all the way up into the mouth is...is hypnotizing. Something my eyes can't seem to part from.

It's different than all the other time's I've walked into Roxas smoking.

Dare I say it's because of the red-headed rebel I had befriended not even a day ago?

Maybe I've got something to prove to Riku.

Maybe it's time for me to make a change. Something I would have never dared to changed about myself.

Becoming single does bring on new times and experimentation, but I never thought I'd be single again.

"So you want some?"

Maybe I'm over thinking things.

"Sure."

"Really?"  
>"Yeah, really." I take the pipe and lighter in hand. My hands are visibly shaky and become cold from sweat.<p>

"You're not gonna freak out once you take a hit, right?" Axel asks, leaning back on the floor and continuing his game play.

"Yeah, if you're gonna freak out-"

"-I won't freak out. I see Roxas doing this all the time..."I say as though I'm all ready to go. But on the inside, butterflies were slamming themselves on the inner walls of my tummy.

"You know what to do, right?" Axel asks, seemingly uninterested in whether I hit it or not.

"I said I'm fine. It'll be like smoking a cigarette or something."

Another thing I say aloud to calm my inner mind.

It takes a few flicks to light the lighter.

I slowly bring it to the center of the bowl and see Axel and Hiro both staring at me from the corner of my eyes. Before the flame meets the weed I close my eyes and inhale slowly.

I can't actually remember tasting anything, just a slight burn in the back of my throat.

After ten seconds I hold it out and open my eyes.

_Huh...that...wasn't that bad. I don't even feel anything..._

Axel takes it from me, "Well played, well played. You gave into peer pressure." He smirks before taking his hit and passing it to Hiro.

I shake my head, "I gave into nothing."  
>I say, lungs still filled with smoke.<p>

Axel sits up and stares me down long and hard, "You sure you haven't done this before?"

I exhale all the smoke, coughing very little at the end.

"I just learn from watching Roxas."  
>"Hmm...You smoke cigarettes?"<br>"No."  
>"Hmmm..."<br>He begins to play the game again.

"What gives with the super lungs then?"  
>"Swimming in the ocean."<p>

I hear Axel groan, "The ocean."

"Axel's afraid of the ocean. The Cracken, giant squids, sharks."Hiro begins to laugh as Axel rubs his eyes.

"Hiro can't keep a girl for more than a week."

"Axel hasn't had one in over," Hiro holds up his pointer and middle finger," _two _years. Haha!"

"You fucking punk." Axel lunges and Hiro and puts him in a headlock.

"Ow, get-"

"-Now you know you're hurting my feelings in front of our new friend here, Hiro. Be nice."

I take a hit of the pipe again and it feels better the second time.

The third time felt even better.

Soon, I was lost within this cloudy bubble. Thoughts of every day bullshit came and left.

I slouched down against the bed, wiping my constantly watered eyes. The body high was pronounced, I felt locked on one spot.

My mouth had dried out, and I was craving random ass shit to stuff down my gullet every five seconds.

"I'm gonna get some food." Hiro leaves me and Axel in the room alone and he resets the game console, handing me a controller.

"I found a cheat in the game. It's on rainbow row and I'm about to kick your ass."

I grin, "Oh yeah?"

My night from here on out consisted of expletives, challenges, chocking on smoke because of random laughter and food.

Tons and tons of fucking food.

I already thought I was a human trash disposal, but getting high off of my ass really gave me another stomach to put to use.

I'd hate to say it...but I love being high.

**-x-**

"I hope you two get a dorm together."

There are boxes and black garbage bags scattered across my wooden floors filled with stuff I'm either taking, giving away or throwing away. Mom says I have to clean my room this one time since I never bothered the other hundred thousand times she's asked me.

I guess its fair.

"We both put in a request, so hopefully. It would be great to share a dorm with Hayner and not a potential psychopath that's gonna end up chopping me to bits." I joked.

"You and your inner city horror stories."

Hayner used to live on Destiny, he would hang out with us all the time. We shared lockers and would skip here and there. He was sent to a reform school in ninth grade after head budding a kid and giving him a nose bleed. Luckily enough, Hayner earned good enough grades to land himself a scholarship to a four year accredited university. He chose Twilight.

"You know who you're gonna room with at Rising?"

"No, I wish. I hope it's not this overly slutty sophomore or something, that would really suck, because I'd never get sleep."  
>We both burst out laughing.<p>

"Hey! What happened on graduation night?"  
>"What?" I jump into bed and wrap myself within the blankets.<p>

"I called and your mom said you left with some guy...Some _red-headed guy."_

"Oh...ahaha..." I begin to break out in a sweat.

"You hung out with Axel! What did you do that was so much better than hanging out with me and Namine?"  
>"Uh, we just played video games."<br>"Video games."

"Yeah."  
>"It's just like you to ditch out for some video games...you and Roxas are just alike. Asshole."<p>

"Aw come on, we've got the whole summer to make up for it."  
>"Did you do anything...<em>naughty?"<em>

"No!"  
>"Okay. I gotta go, talk to you later."<p>

Click.

_Jesus Christ Kairi..._

I decide to go downstairs for awhile to clear my head out of my cluttered room.

I hear my mom and Roxas bickering back and forth in front of the basement door.

A foul odor is lingering through the air and I instantly know what they're bickering about.

Donny and his fucking meth labs. He stopped setting up lab in the basement when we turned twelve, but he has just recently picked up the habit again. I open the front door and windows so air could circulate.

"Sora you and Roxas need to leave." She says quietly.

"I don't want to leave. Mom, that shit stinks up the whole neighborhood! People are gonna call the fucking cops on us...!" Roxas replies harshly.

"No they're not-"

"-Mom yes they are they're gonna smell that shit and notice that there are random ass guys coming in and out of our home to buy the shit. If they find out that Donny's been setting up his bullshit labs in the basement they could put me in a fucking foster home, don't you get it? Do you even care!?" Roxas shouts, his fists balled.

"Roxas, yelling about it isn't going to help."  
>"Well then you tell her!" He takes a few steps away from the door.<p>

He smirks slightly, spinning around to kick the door.

"Roxas you dumb shit!" I exclaim, running over to him.

I yank him away from the basement door. My mother's face is white to the bone.

"Are you stupid one mistake and he could blow the whole fucking place up!" I yell.

Loud footsteps climb up the basement stairs and the door slams open.

There he is.

Wild eyed, reeking of chemicals and some other foulness. His blonde hair nearly brown from all the dirtiness. His face which was once youthful and handsome like Roxas is now aged and sunken in. You wouldn't know where the old sores end and the new ones begin.

He once put out fires along side my own father, but ever since being forced to resign, he's taken a turn for the worse.

Screwing his best friends wife, knocking her up and eventually raising both her kids.

All the while making profit from selling meth out of her basement.

I used to flinch in the present of him, but now he's just like any other guy. He beat me so much that there wasn't much to be scared of after a certain point.

But that never stopped him from trying to hurt me.

A sharp pain shoots up the back of my head as I stagger forward. I turn around and see him ready to take another jab at me.

He certainly hates me more than Roxas, but that's a given.

Before I could think, my arm shoots forward and I get a clear hit on his nose. My mother is pushing me out of the house, tugging Roxas along with her.

"You both are gonna leave now! And I'm leaving too okay!" Safe to say, she was pissed we didn't listen to her in the first place.

**-x-**

Beautiful Rosemary. Long flowing brown locks, a soft youthful face.

Dulled out blue eyes, how they were once vibrant.

Me and Roxas sat in my car, right around the corner of where our house was.

My knuckles pulsated and stung. I've gotta stop aiming for his nose.

"Why does mom put up with his shit? I mean, she's proven time and time again that she can take care of all of us without any outside support."

"She could be in love with him." I admit. I hear Roxas huff.

"There is no love there. She's been uninterested since the first day he moved in. But after what he's put us through? I'm almost convinced that mom never really gave two shits about us..."

"Don't say that."

I grip my pant legs tight, clenching my jaw.

"She's all we have..."

"Why would she let that shit happen to us? Because of the fucking meth labs he used to set up we developed asthma. I mean, you remember!"

I look away.

"The first fucking year of him living with us and we both get pneumonia and develop asthma. That's not a fucking coincidence. Maybe mom is snorting the shi-"

"-She's not the stupid one, Roxas. She's not the greatest parent, but she tried her best."

"You give her way more credit than she deserves."

"There were times that Donny could've killed us if she didn't step in between us and take it herself. She tried her best, Roxas."

After my last words, Roxas became silent and focused his gaze onto the sidewalk.

I begin to drive off.

I can't shake the thought that leaving for college means leaving Roxas.

My mom...

Am I being selfish?

For wanting to get away...away from this small island, away from Riku and Donny. Away from all the things I don't want to have to worry about for the rest of my life.

After we drive for about five minutes, I ask him his preferred destination.

"Namine's."

Namine's been Roxas' sweetheart since 6th grade.

Not that she feels the same way towards him.

"I...I tried something new a while back." I bring up, hoping to cheer him up if only a little.

"Oh?" He stayed still, leaning up against the window.

"Yeah, I smoked."  
>"Like, what? A cigarette?"<br>I laugh, "No. Weed."  
>He heaves out,"Ugh, I told them not to do it! I had dibs on your first time. Fuckers. That's just like them, backstabbers. How did you like it?"<br>"It, was actually pretty nice."

"Are you saying, 'Roxas you were right the whole time'? I think you are."  
>I sigh, "It's not <em>that<em> great."  
>"Yeah, whatever. You know Hiro's throwing a party tonight?"<br>"Really?"

"Yeah, me and Namine might stop by there later on tonight. I need a drink."

**-x-**

"Where are you going?" Roxas asks as we pull into Namine's small driveway.

"I don't know, the promenade or something. I'll go blow some money on arcade games."  
>"Yeah whatever, I know you'll just end up with Axel at the party anyways. Later."<p>

_Party...?What is he talking about?_

I wait for him and Namine to walk into her house safely before pulling out.

I drive to a burger joint and pull into the parking lot. My phone buzzes before I could leave my car.

"_hey, what are you up to?"_

"_About to go eat, why?"_

"_Hiro's throwing a party, thought you might be interested in getting trashed."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Cool. See you whenever."  
>"Whenever?"<em>

"_Yeah, whenever past dark, it is a party after all."  
><em>

**-x-**

I pull up and I feel as though I've arrived on another planet. You could hear the music all the way down the block.

Girls and guys crowded the large front lawn smoking cigarettes and drinking from red plastic cups as a beat pounds out through the dark house. I squeeze my way through the sea of skin and sweat and find my way up to Axel's room.

I knock on the door and don't hear a reply.

Axel didn't really tell me where to meet him, he just said to come after dark.

I knock a little louder this time and get a reply.

"Buzz, the fuck, off!"

"It's me." I say pressed up against the door.

It swings open almost instantly, "Hey!"

I walk in and notice the cases and cases of beer stacked up in his room.

Axel turned his back to me and held out his arms, "My personal supply."

He looked so stunning in just a slim fit black shirt and jeans. The smell of shampoo lingered around the room.

"What's the party for?"

He shrugs, "Hiro throws parties for no reason. This is just another one of 'em. First of many since I've been back I guess." Axel pulls out a beer bottle and hands me one.

"You're gonna need one. This shit gets real annoying after the first hour unless you're drunk."


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of drinking in the house, we decide take two back packs worth of beer to the shore that is basically Axel's backyard.

The smell of smoke and possibly vomit grew stronger as we walked down the stairs.

Girls grinded upon guys holding their cups in the air. The black light illuminated colors everywhere as the beats pulsated through my party.

I have never experienced anything like this before.

Axel leads me to a dark corner of the living room next to two other people. As we get closer I notice that it's Kairi and Roxas.

"Where's Hiro?" Axel asks.

"We saw him dancing with a group of girls."

Axel rolls his eyes, "He sickens me."  
>"Sora what the fuck are you doing here?" Kairi asks, adorned with glow sticks.<p>

"There's no hiding it now Sora, he's one of me now." Axel says.

"Shut up Axel, Sora's too pure to be one of _you."_

"_Bitch."_ Axel fake coughs out.

"So we're gonna be outback, find us if you need us." Axel begins to walk away.

"Wait Sora!"

"What?"  
>Roxas tries to mouth something to me but I can't understand it.<p>

**-x-**

Out back there are a good amount of people making out . Over on a lawn chair is a girl grinding on a guy intensely in an outfit that I'm sure her parents would've never let her leave the house in if they had caught her.

"Hey! Don't make me hose you motherfuckers down." Axel looks over, only three feet away from them.

They ignore him and he looks over at me with a devilish grin.

"Sora, crack open a beer." He says as he opens his and takes a drink.

I do as he says and open my beer.

My very first sip accompanied Axel spraying his hose onto the couple as he drank his beer using his other hand.

"Alright!" The guy shouts out.

"You fucking punk, what the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem is that that's my favorite lawn chair you guys were about to fornicate on. My house my rules, motherfucker, don't like it then get out." Axel says with such authority.

"This isn't your house."  
>"Yeah, it is."<p>

The girl who was grinding on the guy in the first place was long gone.

"I don't give a fuck." The guy puffs.

Axel cocks a brow with a slight smile. The stand off ends soon as the guy stammers off into the house.

"That's right drunkie. Walk away."

**-x-**

It's 12:13 AM and my eyes are feeling heavy.

Eight beers and a few bowls later and I'm having a pretty good time.

Axel is actually an easy person to hang out with. I could hang out with him all night.

Well, I kinda am.

"You know that girl I hosed down?"  
>"Yeah?"<br>"That was Riku's girlfriend."

It took me a few moments to process it.

"Wh-what?"

"That was Riku's girlfriend, I forgot her name but I remember seeing him kiss her goodbye a few days ago. Just thought you should know." He says before finishing his last beer.

I chug mine down just as fast and stand up, stumbling through the sand back towards Axels house.

"Hey, wait what are you doing?"  
>"I need more."<p>

"More what?"

"More beer."

**-x-**

**? beers later...**

"How the hell is Riku cheating on me with such a-a slut?!" I ask miserably as my head layed on the counter.

"Correction: He _was. _It's Riku. He's a sleazy motherfucker."  
>"Axeeelll..." I begin to whine.<p>

"It's true. I hate Riku. I _hate _him."  
>"Are you only hanging out with me to make him jealous?"<p>

"Hehe...you want me to answer that honestly?" Axel chuckles, pulling out two shot glasses and a bottle from a cabinet located under his kitchen counter.

"Yes, and no." He answers as he fills the two long shot glasses up to the brim.

"Really?"  
>"I like hanging out with you, when we play games you don't complain about me winning too much. If I can make Riku jealous by hanging out with you, it's not like I <em>won't <em>do it. That'd be...well, that'd be something I wouldn't expect from myself."

"Gee, thanks."  
>"Hey, I said I actually like hanging out with you, making Riku jealous is just expansion pack."<p>

"Nice analogy...I think?"  
>"Thank you."<p>

I smell the contents of the small shot glass.

"Blach...what the fuck is that?"

"Hard liquor, c'mon and drink."

We throw back the shots at the same time. My throat is sent on fire, the liquid burning all the way down to my stomach. I almost want to throw up but I hold myself. My face begins burning and I look up.

Axel is laughing at me clear across the counter.

"What's so funny?" I try to hold back my twitch.

"Your face, it's red as hell." He begins to pour another shot for the both of us.

"It burns!"

**-x-**

"I want...this many shots...then I'm going..." I hold my hands up.

"Where you goin'?"

"I'm goin' ta take a piss."

"You sure you can find the bathroom?"  
>"Y-yeah..."<p>

I'm not exactly the most graceful drunk, but I'm having fun.

Me and Axel have been taking shots back and forth, laughing at each others intoxicated state.

The double vision becomes heavier as I'm back in the dark living room.

Bad news is that I have to wriggle through the crowd to get upstairs to use a decent bathroom that doesn't have people fucking inside of it.

"Time to get to work..." I plunge myself deep within the crowd throwing their hands up to the music bumping.

"Hey!" I feel someone grab my hand and its Kairi."

"I need to go pee!" I yell into her ear. Roxas is dancing with Kairi.

"You guys fucking 'round?" She asks with a huge grin, Roxas laughing behind her.

"What do you mean?"  
>"You and Axel!"<br>I shake my head back and forth, "No way!"  
>"Ya, okay!"<p>

"No Kairi-"  
>"-He's an asshole but he's kinda hott!" She puts a few glow stick bracelets onto my arms.<br>I roll my eyes and continue my quest to the bathroom.

**-x-**

2:27 A.M.

I'm reaching my limit.

"Oh God Sora...why'd ya drink so much..." I said to myself, wavering back and forth near the bottom of the stairs. I held my hair in my hands, not really sure what to do with myself. I climb to the top and sit down.

Just minutes ago I spotted Riku and his girlfriend dancing on the floor and I've been watching ever since. His white hair sticks out like a fucking pin.

In fact, I'm sure he's here on purpose.

They grind onto each other with plastered smiles on their faces, as though they're having the time of their lives.

I sigh, emotions running through me like a wild river.

Part of me wants to cry.

To yell.

I see Axel approaching with the bottle in his hand and he takes a seat next to me at the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong?" He asks, sloppily passing the bottle to me.

"Them." I say, taking the bottle to my lips.

"Oh."  
>"I didn't know Riku liked to drink."<p>

I point out and laugh to myself.

I take one more swig before passing it back to Axel.

"You know something, Axel?"

"What?"  
>"I'm...I'm starting to feel sick."<br>Axel smirks, "You should probably slow down on the drinking."  
>I shake my head..."Nah...I'm fine."<br>He begins laughing, "You just said you were feeling sick."

Riku and his lover kiss.

I physically quiver.

"I lied."

**-x-**

"What are you doing here?"  
>"I'm getting drunk..."<p>

I finish off the rum I had in my cup before dropping it.

"I could ask you the same fucking thing...you're not even friends with them, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Riku sighs, "It's not like a lot of people here were personally invited."

I don't remember how I ended up in a conversation with him, but he's about to have it.

"I'm so fucking done with you Riku."  
>"I can see that."<p>

"By the way, Axel hosed down your-your fucking dog in there."  
>I watched Riku's expression turn colder by the second.<p>

"What?"

"She was on top of some random guy earlier, but you probably already know that."

"Trying to make me jealous again I see?"  
>I laugh, "No. I don't need anything from you Riku...you...you're the pathetic one trying."<p>

His facial expression scrunches up, "Are you serious?"

I can see from the corner of my eye Axel and Kairi watching us through the windows.

"So that was the girl who you had been fucking around with for a year?"  
>"That...she's gonna be my wife."<p>

Riku holds up his left hand to reveal a silver band.

**-x-**

"This is bad."

"You think so?"  
>"He's telling Sora that he's getting married. They're both drunk. This is bad."<p>

I stand there in a drunken stupor, taking twice as long figuring out what I wanted to do.

"If I were Sora, I'd tell him that I fucked around since day one." I point at them through the glass as though I'm watching television.

Kairi laughs, "Yeah right, no one could believe that. Sora's..._strange."_

"Strange how?"

Kairi crosses her arms, "You wouldn't understand, you're nothing like him."

"Well, fuck you too Kairi."

A loud yell interrupts us and Sora opens the door quickly.

"I'm going to go sit in my car." He says calmly before he walks away. I look into the back and Riku is already gone.

"Oh no..." Kairi begins to open up her phone and text.

I wonder what happened...

**-x-**

I decide to go outside to Sora's car. People were sitting on the staircase smoking cigarettes and chatting. I walk down the block up to his classic blue ride. I walk up to the passenger side and knock on the window.

"Come in."

I open the door and take a seat. All my eyes could focus on is those wild brown spikes he calls hair.

Sora sat in the drivers seat, motionless. I noticed that he had been gripping his keys in his right hand.

Without a word, I try to pull the set of keys out from his hand. He quickly turns his head towards me frowning, his deep blue eyes piercing through mine. They were bloodshot.

_Geez..._

I've never experienced heart-break in my life, but from the look of his eyes I would guess that it burns. Eventually, he lets the keys slide out of his hands and I tuck them away in my pockets.

I pull out a pipe that I had loaded in my pocket since the beginning of the party and pass it to Sora. He sniffles right before accepting it and takes a long, well deserved drag before passing it back to me.

"You alright?"

He shakes his head.

"You gonna be alright?"

He nods.

"Can I ask you a question?"  
>He nods again, thick smoke flowing out of his lips.<p>

"Have you ever dated anyone else, or even tried?" I ask before taking a hit from the pipe and passing it.

"Of course I have-Kairi. But that was more of a joke than anything."

He crosses his arms, "I tried fucking her when I was in 7th grade and she told me that I was gay and everyone knows it. So that happened. Then I dated Riku when I was in 8th grade. She should've just let me fuck her."

I couldn't help but laugh at Sora's drunken take on his own situation. I try to stop but find myself laughing ten times harder.

I see a slight smile from Sora.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright."  
>A few minutes of silence pass with us just passing the pipe back and forth before I break the silence again.<p>

"It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just that he didn't have the balls to do it."

I didn't expect him to laugh at all, but he did.

He begins laughing loudly.

So much so that he's even thrown in a few of his own little snorts.

His cheeks are getting red.

And it's...it's kinda cute.

But I am drunk.

But still...

I guess I'm so hammered I let out another lame joke just to hopefully see him laugh again.

"Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry."

He laughs so hard that I can only hear air coming out.

He must really enjoy puns.

Eventually I make Sora forget about Riku all together.

We smoke and bask in the heavy smoke trapped in the car with us.

The bowl is ashed so I pat it clean and put it away in my pocket. "Do you mind if I smoke a cigarette?"  
>"No, as long as you don't burn any holes. Use the ash tray." He pulls it out as I light a cigarette.<p>

"Can I try one?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I shrug, pulling out one for Sora. He takes it from my hand and lights it, smoking it as though he's done it all before.

"How are you?"

I scan over Sora. He's slouched back into the seat, his blue and red flannel completely unbuttoned now. His brown unkempt hair hung over his face, just barely hiding his slow, dilated, glassy eyes.

"I feel so fucking wasted...like I've reached the nth di-dimen-sion." He shakes his head, "I've got quadruple vision an my head urts."

"From the sounds of it." I laugh at his slurred speech.

"Sure you're fine smoking that cigarette?"

He nods, flicking the built up ash into the ash tray.

Sora's officially gone for the night.

He stares me down before inching himself closer.

"Your tattoos," he starts, putting his arm over the back of my seat, "What do they mean?"

"Good question—I dunno."

He smells so good.

Not over powering.

Just...good.

I don't know why, but I can feel myself getting hot.

I never considered myself to be gay or bisexual, I've only ever been attracted to girls.

Only ever fucked girls.

But Sora's got this weird undeniable fucking charm about him. Maybe I'm just turning into one of those guys who has gay tendencies when he drinks.

"Why'd ya get em?"

I shrug,"Because I was young and stupid."

He tilts his head, his eyes scanning the surface of my face. I feel insecure but I don't move.

"Well, they look nice."  
>"Thanks."<p>

"Did you do it yourself?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"Really?"

"With a needle, and some ink."

"Did it hurt?"  
>"Yeah. A lot, actually. But, you know, I already started so there was no backing out..."<br>"Wow..." He pulls back, amazed.

I put out my cigarette as he's finally getting down to half of his.

"I'd never be able to let a needle pierce holes in my face, you must be amazing with pain tolerance."

I laugh, feeling really embarrassed and confused.

I look at him.

He looks at me.

I'm pushed back into the passengers seat as Sora crawls onto me.

Not that I'm resisting.

My hands are gripping the white classic seats by my sides as Sora straddles me.

His white shirt under his flannel blocked whatever view I had in front of me and I honestly didn't give a damn on what was on the sides.

He smirks, the cigarettes hanging tights from his lips before he pulls it out and exhales.

"I've always wanted a really cool tattoo, maybe you could give it to me one day."

I don't know what to say, this is a first.

I'm shaking, ready to make a move. But what move?

"Sora?"

I wait a few seconds and he doesn't respond. All he does is sit still, giving me the straight on dead stare.

"Sora." I move my shaky hands and grip his sides, shaking him just slightly.

"Y-yeah?"

Sora's way too drunk. This isn't what he probably thinks he's doing right now.

Maybe I should...stop him.

_Shit._

But he's so great where he is, I never want to take my eyes off of him. My hands never want to leave his side. I'm open to a lot right now.

As weird as that sounds...

He leans in close again, bumping foreheads with me.

"You're so tense." He begins to chuckle.

I can do this.

I've decided.

I grip his waist tight as he puts his cigarette in my mouth.

"This...I can't...you have it..." He says before pushing the car door open.

"Sora? Sora!"


	4. Chapter 4

_The world's going round and round, will it ever stop?_

_Oh shit..._

_Oh my-_

As soon as I feel my two palms hit the cold pavement I began to throw up all the noxious fluids I had consumed over the night. I could no longer stand the growing vertigo and I think it was the stupid cigarette that pushed me over the edge.

Actually, I'm sure of it because my lungs feel like they're closing tight.

I wish I had my inhaler.

I cough once more and throw up again.

It tasted sour and burned raw. Hurt so bad I slam my fist against the pavement.

"Shit Sora..." Axel gets out of the car in a hurry after me.

"H-Hold on okay!"

I would have replied but I was so busy puking in pain that I didn't really try.

"Sora lets go, you can't be on the streets puking or a cop'll pick us up. Lets go."  
>I shake my head, tearing off my favorite flannel and using it as some sort of mouth guard. I'm not really sure what the fuck I was doing or how that would help at the moment, but I did it.<p>

**-x-**

**3:36 A.M**

I guide Sora down the block back to where my house was at, guiding him up the stairs.

"Sora, you gotta walk straight if you want us to get somewhere." I say pushed up between the staircase railing and him.

"I'm fine." He musters up.

"I know you're fine, but you've got me pinned up against this railing."

"I feel sick. Don worry, didn't puke on myself. I-If that's what you're so worried about."  
>"I know I know, come on."<p>

We waver back and forth up to the front door and I push it open.

To my surprise, Riku, Kairi, _and_ Riku's girlfriend were having a conversation of their own at the bottom of the staircase.

Kairi jumps up immediately," What's going on?"  
>"Nothing much...<em>Move.<em>" Sora answers for himself as we both climb up the stairs past Riku and his girlfriend.

"_That's_ him?" She chortles behind us.

"_That's him."_

With such fury Sora turns back around nearly lunging.

"Get out!" He roars at the top of his lungs.

If people didn't know that the party was over, they knew now.

He's steaming like no one I've ever seen before. His eyes are alert and wide, focused on Riku.

"Get the fuck out! Now!" I see the veins popping out from Sora's neck and Kairi's frightened. Everyone in the house is silent and now watching the scene unfold.

I'm afraid to let Sora get past my arms.

I'm not sure what Riku told him in the back yard, but he is _pissed._

Maybe he shouldn't have had his first drink tonight.

Riku stood his ground ready for confrontation.

"Riku don't be an asshole, just go." Kairi says softly.

"Really, look at him. Go." She continues on.

You could notice the hush over the music. Few start chanting for a fight, others coming out of the dining room and kitchen just to get a good view of the action. What seemed to be thousands of eyes all focused on us...

It didn't feel like a good scene, I sure was about to flip out.

Sora locks eyes with me before grabbing my hand, "Let's get the fuck out of here."

We climb up the stairs and down the hallway to my room and it feels like I finally get to breathe for a second.

"Man I'd hate being famous..." I say to myself.

Sora goes into the bathroom without a word, closing the door shut behind him.

"Sora?" I call through the door quietly, pressing my ear up against the wood.

I could barely hear sobs coming from the other side. The sounds of gurgling and constant flushing covering most of it up.

"Sora, you-you okay?"

"Yeah..."  
>"You done partying for the night?"<br>"Y-yeah..."  
>"Want some water?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"Okay, I'll be back."<p>

I stop speaking, but I stand still. All I could hear from the other side of the door after a few moments were some sobs and cursing.

_Poor kid..._

I turn my back to the door and head back out of the room. At the top of the stairs I could still spot Riku and his girlfriend talking to Kairi.

Most of the crowds had already found their way out while Sora had been yelling.

I descend a few steps and decide that it's time for them to get the fuck out.

"Get out."  
>Riku begins to smirk as he turns away. I lean up against the railing and smile, "Hey, aren't you curious why your girlfriend's wet still?"<p>

Riku turns his head towards me.

I swear I see his eyes twitch.

Motherfucker should've left the party.

I lick my lips and tilt my head, "Its been a good few hours since I soaked her...Oh but don't worry, I was really on your side. See, it was another fellow who she was fucking that _really _soaked her on my fucking lawn chair. _I just had to get the hose on them._"

I swear I nearly provoked a fight, yet he continues to turn away and leave, his girlfriend following closely behind.

Kairi looks at me, mouth gaping wide.

**-x-**

It gets a little better.

And then it just gets worse.

I can't see further than 3 feet ahead of me for some reason.

The smell of my acidic vomit has me flushing the toilet every 5 seconds.

I just want to go home.

Possibly, the hospital.

I hear a knock on the door.

"Sora! Are you okay?"

"Oh I'm fine..."  
>"I need to go find Roxas."<br>"What?"

I couldn't absorb a thing of whatever the fuck she was telling me.

"Just stay here okay?"  
>"You aren't driving...are you?"<p>

"No, of course not! I'll be back."

Before I know it, I'm alone again.

After awhile, I'm able to go five minutes without throwing up.

I stumble to my feet and rip off my shirt.

I make my way towards the shower and turn all the knobs just to get the water running.

Right as I'm pulling my belt off Axel walks in.

"What are you doing?"

I wish I had an understandable answer.

"I feel sick."  
>"You think a shower's gonna help? Don't pass out in there. Here's your wat-"<p>

I take the water from his hands and begin to chug with all my might, holding the cup in one hand and my falling jeans in the other.

I just want the drunk to go away.

**-x-**

I step out of the shower feeling twenty percent better. I get dressed and step out into a more mellow scene. Axel watching t.v from the bottom bunk, nestled up under one thick orange blanket. The beer crates were pushed off to the side of his room.

"Still sick?"  
>"I think so."<br>"Then you get the outer edge. Lay on your stomach so you don't end up a statistic."

Last thing I remember is plopping down on bed.

So warm.

**-x-**

_What's that buzzing noise?_

I slowly open my eyes and look around. The rays of the morning sun are trying to peak through the shades. I wipe my eyes and slowly get up as to not disturb the fragile state of my stomach.

I notice its mom calling and pick up quickly.

"Hello?"  
>"Sora? Where are you? Listen, I need you go pick up Roxas."<br>"What? Why?"

I hear a heavy sigh and sit on the bed, prepared for a hand full.

"Okay, well, wherever Roxas went last night, he came back drunk off of his ass. And when he came back and saw the basement door cracked open he just lost it. I mean, everything he started yelling at me for letting the door stay open and then Donny came up stairs and they got into it..."

She sighs again, "Eventually I wasn't going to sit there and try to tell my drunk son and tweaked out husband to calm down so I called the cops and they decided to take them both in."

I rub my face before standing up and begin to search for my clothes from yesterday. My head is banging and I'm overcome with nausea unlike that of last night.

"I-I just don't know what's gotten into Roxas these past few months. I know that his father pushes his buttons a lot and I know he hates seeing that basement door open but I mean, come on. He'll usually just close the door and go up to his room. He'll say a few things to me here and there but nothing explosive like what happened last night. Since the cops saw the lab in the basement they're calling in a fucking crew to decontaminate the place. So now we have to find a place to stay for a few weeks until all traces of that crap is gone. I can't believe this... "

I sigh along with her.

"So me and Roxas are probably going to have to stay with Kairi for a while?"  
>"Yeah. Well, I might make Roxas stay with you're aunt and I just so I can keep an eye on him. They're coming in tomorrow morning. We have to be gone by the end of the night, so I guess now is the time to start making calls and picking up your stuff. Luckily this will only run me just over two grand."<p>

"_Just_ over two grand?"

"I know, I know, it's a lot of freaking money."

I find my clothes on the bathroom floor. I notices that they smell an awful lot like vomit and decide to just ask Axel for clothes when he wakes up instead.

"They're holding Roxas until an appointed guardian can pick him up. They say they won't put it on his record since this is his first offense. So I need you to go pick him up."

"Why me again?"

"Because I gave you my car, asshole. And I have to get the house ready."

"Fine."  
>"Thank you, I love you, bye."<p>

"Love you too mom."

I walk over to Axel and shake him awake.

"What...?" He asks from under the blanket.

"Can I borrow some clothes? I need to go pick up Roxas."  
>"Why?"<br>"He got picked up by cops last night. Got in a fight with his dad."  
>"His dad? Your dad?"<br>"Long story."  
>"My clothes are in the closet."<p>

I grab a random sweater and some pants and get dressed. The sleeves and pant legs were long, I kinda looked like a kid who stepped in his dads clothing.

"I'll be back."

**-x-**

I wake up alone in my bedroom.

_Where's...oh yeah._

I wonder how long ago Sora left. I light a cigarette before going downstairs. My head feels like it wants to explode from the constant banging.

Hiro looks as though he's just gotten finished cleaning up the living room. There are two garbage bags lined up next to the front door.

"Where'd Sora go?"

"He went to go pick up Roxas. Apparently Roxas got in a fight last night."  
>"Oh wait I remember. With his dad or something?"<br>"Yeah."

"That sucks."

"Don't get cigarette ashes all over the place. I just cleaned up the shit."  
>I flick my cigarette free of ashes onto the floor, "Whatever." I shuffle into the kitchen, hoping to cook something up to rid me of my hangover.<p>

"Did ya have fun last night?" Hiro asks coming into the kitchen.

I shrug, pulling out water.

"Sure hung out with Sora a lot last night."  
>"It was his first time drinking. Wanted to make sure that he didn't die."<br>"Cool, cool."

I continue to pull out eggs and ham from the fridge. Hiro sits on the counter next to all my supplies. "So, what did you guys do?"  
>"We got drunk."<br>"And?"  
>"Talked."<br>"'Bout what?"  
>"Jesus fucking Christ Hiro. I don't even remember."<p>

Half truth.

"What did he tell you about Riku."  
>"That fucker," I slam the fridge shut, taking a breath before letting out too much, "He was just telling me how sad he was about him. I don't remember, what I <em>do <em>remember is seeing Riku's girlfriend on the back porch humping some random ass guy."

"Fran?"  
>"Is that her name? <em>Fran?<em>"  
>"Yeah. She's a meat market that specializes in sausage, if you know what I'm saying."<p>

We break up laughing.

**-x-**

"I'm here to pick up my little brother." I tell the officer sitting behind the desk.

"That prick over there?" He motions towards one of the first cells where Roxas is sitting on the bed. His face reads hungover.

The lights are dim and crappy. The air smelled like over powering disinfectant.

Covering up god knows what. The walls were merely white bricks, cracking from time. Roxas raises his head and slowly comes off of the bunk with a glare.  
>"Fuck you too old man. I want my shoes and my belt back. AND my cash too."<p>

"Yeah, that asshole." I reply to the old guy.

"Has Donny been released?"  
>"Who?"<br>"His dad."  
>"Oh...no, no. He's incarcerated for possession with intent to distribute. So he won't be out for at least another month unless he sets bail."<p>

Destiny's holding facility is small. There were fives cells view-able to the public. Roxas and some old guy being the only two taking up the cells.

"Alright." He stands up and walks over to the cell with a set of keys. He slides open the cell and stands aside. Roxas looks at him as though he's waiting for a formal release.

"Well? What the hell are you waiting for?"  
>"I just leave?"<br>"Yeah. It's not like you killed a guy."

"Really?"  
>"Get the hell out of here and don't let me catch you that piss-drunk again. Go on kid, get."<br>Roxas chuckles, "Bitter old man."

**-x-**

"So."

"So..."

"What happened? Let me hear _your _side of the story."

"Well-"  
>"-Well, lets start off with a few questions first. Why did you leave the party?"<p>

"Namine." He utters. His face immediately flushes and he moves forward a bit.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it." He speaks up, turning on the radio.

"Well, we can't go back home until they clean up the house, and that's going to take a few weeks."

**-x-**

The house is silent. We hear mom rumbling around upstairs. Roxas and I head up into our rooms.

The floor in my room is covered inch by inch in clothing and other random stuff.

I open my phone and begin to dial Riku's number automatically.

I stop myself before hitting the last digit.

_Oh yeah..._

"Shit."

Where am I to stay for however long it is until my house is deemed habitable again?

I keep thinking of him...

_Axel..._

For some reason, I keep thinking of him.

I could stay with Kairi, or even my aunt, but I keep thinking of him.

"_Morning sunshine! U okay?"  
>"I'm fine. Just had to pick up Roxas."<br>"I heard. Your mom told me what happened. I was trying to find him last night but I was too late. I remember telling you but I think you were too sick to remember."_

"_I don't remember a lot of things except being really emotional. Weird shit."  
>"Axel told Riku off after you ran away."<br>"What?"  
>"Yea, I can't remember what he said exactly, but it was insulting lol."<br>":O"_

"_Lmao"  
>"Do you like him?"<br>"No. Do you really think I'm over Riku?"  
>"I don't know :( I'm sorry"<br>"It's okay."_

I hesitate, before punching my phone in again.

"_Axel's straight anyways."_

Why did I throw that in?

"_I guess...maybers"  
>"Maybers?"<br>"maybers :D"  
><em>

I receive a text from Axel.

"_What are you doing, you've been gone forever."  
>"Sorry, trying to figure things out."<br>"What things?"_

"_Where I'm going to stay for the next few weeks."  
>"What? Really?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"You can stay with me, but on one condition."<br>"What?"  
>"You have to tell me EVERYTHING."<br>"Well...okay...I guess."  
>"Sweet rocks, see you soon."<em>

Before I knew it I thrusted myself into living with Axel for a while.

Not that there's anything wrong with him.

But I get this strange feeling when I think about him...

And...

It makes me feel bad.

Bad for feeling what I feel.

Bad...

**-x-**

"Me and your brother are going to be with aunt Mari until the clean up is over. He wants to go over to Kairi's so he can be with Namine, but I'm not going to let him slide for drinking when he knows better than that."

"Whatever. I'm more worried about what the neighborhood is going to think about a bunch of guys in rubber suits entering our house." Roxas huffs.

My aunt Mari lives in an RV. Not that it's not nice, but Roxas having to live with my mom and her sister in such tight quarters for a few weeks can be considered a punishment.

On the bright side, he gets to go up into the Destiny mountains, a beautiful part of the island where my aunt lives... Not that he'd appreciate that.

All of our bags lined up at the front door.

Roxas looked irritable , sitting with his arms crossed on the couch.

"Where are you going to be, at Kairi's?"  
>"No, actually. I'm staying with Axel."<br>"Who?"  
>"My friends brother and Sora's straight boyfriend." Roxas intercepts.<p>

"You have a new boyfriend already? Geez you move quicker than I did when I was your age."

I feel my cheeks turn red, "He's not my new boyfriend he's just a friend! Roxas shut up!"

He snickers and my mom giggles a bit.

"I'm going...!"

**-x-**

I arrive just before sundown and I hand Axel my bags to carry upstairs.

"What are those, your surf boards?" He nods towards my car, where I have two surf boards tied to the roof.  
>"Only one, Roxas asked me to take his."<p>

"Cool."

His room is cleaned up and it feels more welcoming.

"Hiro and me are excited, you just have to agree to having all night gaming sessions."  
>"I'm game."<br>"Awesome."

We eat, sitting outside on the back porch afterward.

I noticed a black garbage with a cardboard sign reading "HaZardous WASTE" was off to the side.

"What's in there?"  
>"My old lawn chair. It doubled as a backpack." He frowns, lighting up a cigarette.<p>

I watch the horizon set off a display of colors as the sun set beyond the ocean. The slight salty smell traveled through my nostrils.

I think of Riku.

And the good old days.

**–**

"_You're too weak."  
>"Shut up! No I'm not." I hold on to my wooden sword tight, running at Riku with full force before being knocked off to the side, the wind knocked out of me."<br>"Slow poke..."  
>Kairi's watching, along with Tidus and Wakka.<em>

_My arms are swollen and red, bleeding, pounding from the multiple lashings Riku dealt with his sword. I stand up and run at him once more, this time determined to knock him on his ass._

_Right before he strikes me, I grab his sword and strike his side with mine._

_I can hear them gasp, as Riku falls to the ground, letting go of his sword._

_We both breath heavily, you could hear nothing except us heaving and the waves of the ocean._

"_Shit...Sora...alright, alright you're not weak. You can come with us..."  
>I drop my sword, still breathing heavy, and glance over to Kairi.<em>

_She smiles, mouthing the words 'You did it.'_

**–**

"Sora?"  
>"What?" I snap out of my day dream and look over to Axel. He pushes his striped black and white sleeves above his elbows.<p>

"You gonna tell me what happened?"

"Oh, yeah...Roxas got in a fight with his dad."

"You guys have different dads?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"I thought you were twins."  
>"No, we're nine months apart. My mom cheated on my dad with her ex. But my dad was in our lives until we were around eight. Once he left, Donny moved in. From that point on we saw less and less of my dad..."<p>

I gather my thoughts again.

"Roxas hates his dad. I hate his dad. We both hate him, but Roxas is a loose cannon. Donny was cookin' in the basement with his door open again and Roxas got mad. He started yelling and he got in a fight with his dad."

"Cookin'?"

"He's a meth cook. He sets up lab and cooks the shit until his skin falls off. He was making it in our basement and Roxas got pissed enough and confronted him. Now Roxas is out and grounded, but Donny's in jail. There's gonna be a cleaning crew at my house assessing the place and cleaning it up."

"It used to be worse, Roxas and I used to have asthma attacks out of the blue whenever we played in the living room."

I feel embarrassed.

I close my eyes.

"You too, huh?" I hear Axel's voice break the silence.

"Your dad beat the shit out of you and Roxas, huh?"

My heart skips a beat and I don't know how to answer him.

"I see it written all over your guys' faces."

He swings his legs off the lawn chair and faces me.

I don't budge off of my chair. I stare up at the now darkened skies.

"Your mom didn't do shit to protect you guys either, huh...?"

It hurts, hearing it being said to you for the first time.

"It's alright, me and Hiro are kind of the same way. We have the same dad, but he was a huge meth head. He never cooked it, he went through other means to fund his addiction. When he wasn't high we'd get the worst of it. My mom would only step in and take the beating herself if she knew he was gonna kill us..."

Axel puts out his old cigarette and lights a new one.

"It's alright, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?"

"Right." I smile, playing with my necklace crown piece.

"So then," Axel looks away, laying back down on his chair, "Riku. What's up with that guy? Seems bent out of shape."

I sigh, rubbing my eyes," I...he's...We've been together since we were fourteen, and he met this girl when we were seventeen. He cheated on me for a full year then called it quits on my birthday."

"Why did he break up with you?"

I feel my eyes swell up and I try to control my line of thoughts.

"He fell in love with her...she gives him what I..." I choke, feeling even more embarrassed.

"Riku's...he's always been the bigger asshole of us both." I save my secret for another time.


	5. Chapter 5

The waves are lively today and I'm getting ready for a swim.

The time I've been having at Axel's has been fun. Mainly filled with prank wars and drinking games.

"You coming Axel?"

He crosses his arms, "I think I'll make sand castles."  
>"Yeah, let the widdle-biddle baby play with his widdle sand castles!" Hiro mocks Axel in a baby tone. Hiro and I are all suited up for swimming while Axel is still sporting pants and a jacket.<p>

"Hiro you're pissing me off again," Axel grunts, pushing Hiro away.

"Whatever. Come on, Sora, lets get our manly balls smacked around by these waves while baby makes us a worthy sand castle to kick over. S'go!" Hiro makes a dash for the ocean, clumsily running down the sandy hill.

Smiling, I turn back to Axel who isn't as amused.

"It's alright, I'll drown him for you."  
>"Oh I'll cut him in his sleep."<p>

**-x-**

_No one makes a fool out of me._

I open my closet and pull out some swimming trunks.

_That fucker's gonna pay._

I tear my shirt off and drop my pants. I tie my hair back.

_He'll see..._

I pull on my swimming trunks and run down the stairs to the back. I can barely see Hiro and Sora in the water. I begin to run towards the ocean. Wind is blowing in my eyes as I approach the shore closer. My heart begins to beat faster as I see the lively waves curling over ever ten seconds.

I can make out their faces, Sora's excited.

Hiro's terrified.

This is it.

I close in on the waters and rush into them.

No backing out now.

The cold water nearly knocks the breath out of me but I plunge in deep. I'm shaking with fear as I wade through the waters, keeping my eye on the prize.

"Hiro you fucker!" I scream, tackling him. I hold his body under the water for ten seconds before letting him go.

He coughs up water, "You asshole...!"  
>I slap his face hard, "That's for calling me a baby you punk!" I point at Hiro.<p>

Behind him I notice a wave coming towards us and I sort of panicked.

"Fuck that. Fuck that. Fuck that." I rushed back towards the shore, nearly screaming when I felt the wave hit my back.

**-x-**

I was already dried and clothed when Sora and Hiro came back from the beach. Sora was half dry, sand climbing up his legs.

"So glad you guys didn't get eaten by sharks."

I open the back door and immediately realized that my mother had come home.

She gasps, "Axel?!"

**-x-**

She must've been Axel's height, maybe a little shorter.

Her long red hair hung past her waist.

Her green eyes and confident smile stuck out.

I see where Axel gets it from.

"I hope you learned your fucking lesson about the prison system." She says with a smile, clingy onto him tightly and kissing his face.

"Yeah yeah, whatever."  
>She looks past Axel and stares me down.<p>

I fidget on the spot.

"This is awkward, I'm going upstairs." Hiro bails out on us.

She approaches me," What's your name?"  
>"S-Sora."<br>"How old are you?"  
>"Eighteen."<br>She smiles and looks over at Axel.

"He's gay." He says.

"Of course, the cute ones always are!"

**-x-**

Instead of letting me be subject to his mothers cat calls, Axel led me upstairs instead.

"You probably want to shower off or something, I'm gonna go catch up with my mom."

He sighs heavily, leaving the room.

I decide to take a shower.

**-x-**

_Hope I learned my lesson?_

_Psshh..._

I march all the way downstairs, getting ready to tell her off for hitting on Sora.

_Out of all the fucking things she could say after not seeing me for two years, she decides to...what the fuck?_

Excitement creeps up my spine just from the sight of it.

Could it be what I think?

I look all around the kitchen.

No one.

I rush to the counter and take a quick swipe of the substance with my finger.

One taste was enough to tell me...

Cocaine, oh sweet cocaine.

It's been awhile, my friend.

My hands work quick to make a line and I snort it up.

"Ah...!" I held my nose as I felt it burn.

Ever since my last binge a few years ago, I've had a sensitive nose.

My body begins to warm up and euphoria slowly settles in. I hunch over the counter, observing the pile even more.

It had to be atleast three grams.

_I should just pocket the shit...I should just..._

"Axel you little piece of shit!" I hear her shriek.

I nearly have a heart attack, flinging my body around.

I see my mom standing at the door way of the kitchen.

She's pissed to say the least.

"I can't leave anything out for one fucking second in my own house can I!?"  
>"Well you have a room, don't you?!" I yell just to distract her from the fact that I'm actually running away.<p>

I walk into my room and see Sora struggling to put on a shirt.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

I guess I'm...I'm attracted to Sora.

"Screw that shirt!" He growls, throwing it aside and grabbing a new one.

"Wanna go to the store?" I slow down. At least, I try.

My breath, my heart rate, my speech...

Everything is speedy.

Everything is

E.

He leans back, "Meh, I guess. What for?"  
>"Cigarettes."<br>He frowns," Cigarettes? It's gonna take more than that to get this guy up."

"You got it, I'll buy you whatever you want."  
>"Whatever I want?" He grins.<p>

"Yeah!"

**-x-**

So there we were, walking down the street to the closet store. High as fuck, I personally feel like fucking the living shit out of Sora now.

I admit it.

Aaaaand now I can start my pursuit.

I mean, it's hard to help.

He's gorgeous.

Like a wild child.

His big blue eyes draw me in even more.

At the super market I go straight for the customer service desk, where they have all the cigarettes I'll ever need tucked behind two glass doors. I ask for my favorites and hand over my I.D.

I pay the lady and say thanks before walking towards the doors again.

"Hey! You made me a promise, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Right," I say, turning around again.

"Whatcha cravin'?"  
>"Don't know."<p>

We walk further into the store, looking down each aisle before we spot the candies.

I start walking, but then notice that Sora isn't following.

"What's wrong?"  
>"Changed my mind." He says hastily, a worried expression on his face.<p>

"What?" I look ahead of us and see the problem.

"Riku?"

My god this guy just can't stop popping up. He must be stalking Sora.

"Yeah, lets just g-"

"-Come on." I move quick, grabbing his hand and holding it tight as we moved closer to the candies. I glance down and smile at Sora.

...

He's about to loose his shit.

We stop in front of the candies isle and I can feel the sweat in between our palms, one part Axel, two parts Sora.

He was shaking, face as red as a cherry.

Sora slowly turns his head up and makes eye contact with me.

It was a mix of:

What the fuck are you doing.

My ex is _right there_ dude.

Holy shit, Hoooly shit.

Ha, this is great.

Without hesitation, I reach my arm around him and pull him closer.

"_Relaaax._ Just pick up a candy and relax." I whisper in his ear.

He reaches out and grabs a bag of sour gummy bears as stiff as a board, but I go with it. What else can I expect from Sora right now, right?

From the corner of my eye I see Riku staring us down like a hawk.

My smirk turns into a grin.

That's right motherfucker, _look at us._

_I want you to see._

"Lets go." I feel Sora slip out from under my arm and I follow him back up the candy isle.

"Wait what?" I catch up to Sora and we're soon paying for the candy.

"Sure that's what you want?"

"Yes."  
>"Are you-"<br>"_-Yes. I'm sure."_ He says through clenched jaws.

Crap. Now I've gone and pissed him off.

**-x-**

"What the _fuck _was that about?" He paces on forward as though he's about to leave me in the dust.  
>"What? I thought was doin' you a favor."<p>

"What you're doing is giving me more shit to deal with."

"Well fuck Sora," I light my cigarette, " Riku's he's a-a fucking dog a lap dog at that. He won't leave until he sees that you're no longer his territory. That's just how it goes that's just how-how dogs work."

So high, I'm stuttering.

We stop in front of the steps of my house.

My chest is beating and I've still got this euphoria pumping about me.

Sora gives me this bewildered look, his soft lips parted as though they don't know where to begin.

Fuck I am that high, huh?

His frown breaks into a smile, he laughs.

"You're way out there, huh?" He begins walking up the steps, shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing."

**-x-**

If there's anything that's got me up and thinking tonight, it's Axel.

We layed next to each other again. Everything is dark except for the small lamp lit across the room. The radio poured out some soothing tunes but nothing was able to stop my racing mind from, well...racing.

Wandering.

Pondering.

His hand fit so well into mine.

His arm around me was even better.

_Shiiiit..._

And when he whispered into my ear...

I could swear...

I-I could swear that his lips brushed up against my skin.

I look over at Axel. His hair has begun to break out of his hair tie, strands of brilliant red hair scattered gently across his face.

I...

I've never been this close to any guy except Riku.

I mean, I've slept next to Roxas and my best friend Hayner before.

But this...

_This is different..._

I catch myself thinking the thought that I had been thinking and slap my face.

_Out of all the men in the world...Axel?_

_You don't even know if he's likes guys._

_And if he doesn't, then that SUCKS._

Double slap.

Someone kill me.

**-x-**

"You're gonna have to do some briefing sooner or later."  
>"What the fuck are you talking about?"<p>

"What's going on between you and Sora man? It's not like no one notices. Tell me, you've got a thing for Sora."

I can't help but laugh out loud.

"No, I'm just trying to help him out. I'm not gay..."

"Axel I've never seen you become this good of friends with any guy...Soo...?"  
>"What are you saying...?"<br>"I'm saying that I think you're bisexual, and you don't even know it yet."

"I-I-I..."

His serious face cracks into a smile, "And _I knew it."_

Fuck! What do I say to that?!

I'm embarrassed at how fast Hiro is able to figure shit out.

"You'd never hang out with a guy that much, let alone sleep in the same bed as them unless you thought that you were eventually going to fuck them. There's no way you'd be this friendly unless you had some sort of attraction towards him."

"Alright!" I slam my balled fist onto the counter top.

"You figured me out, happy now?" I cross my arms and look around, worried that Sora might hear.

"...Don't tell anyone."  
>Hiro laughs, "What are we? Third graders?"<br>I narrow my eyes, " _Yes."_

"Hey guys?"

I jump and deny eye contact with Sora.

I'm...embarrassed.

"Hey Sora! We were just talking about you..."  
>I slap my palms on the counter and they both look at me.<p>

"Aha ha..." I awkwardly drum on the counter.

"Have you seen my phone anywhere?"  
>"That's what we were just talking about...Here." Hiro hands over a cell phone.<p>

"Thanks!" Sora walks back out and I nearly loose my shit.

"What is your deal?"

Hiro sticks his tongue out, "I'm your little brother, remember?"

"He's the one who came on to me..."  
>"When?"<br>"At the party..."  
>"Really? What happened?"<br>"I'm not gonna tell _you."_

Mom walks in with another suit case. She's all done up in her casual business suit, looking cranky as fuck.

"Where are you off to again?"

She groans, "Business as usual. I'll be back in a few months."

"A few months?"

"Yes Axel, a few months."

"Okay okay."

She started to grow that stern pissed off motherly voice, so I just backed off.

"I'll call the house phone if I need you guys to do anything. I'll call every few weeks to tell you guys where the hidden money for groceries are."

"Hidden? Why is it hidden?"  
>She looks at me with a blank expression. "The money I gave both of you guys is yours to spend freely on whatever you find fit, but once you're broke you're broke until you get yourself a fucking job. You both should be happy and thankful that I'm willing to feed you guys still. Especially you, A<em>xel.<em>"

"Yeah yeah, I'm the bad guy..."

"Hey mom Axel's a little gay."  
>"Shut up!"<br>She smile slightly, "I know that. He got all pissy when I hit on his boyfriend."  
>"He's not my boyfriend."<br>They start laughing at me.

"Be good. Both of you." She gives us both a kiss on the cheek before leaving.

I take a deep breath.

"Sora's too good for you, you know."  
>"Now you're just pissing me off." I swallow.<p>

He chuckles, "It's true. Even if you did go after him, he'd turn you down. Turn you down," he snaps his fingers, _"Just like that."  
><em>"And what makes you so fucking sure?" I huff.

He scoffs, "I'm one of Roxas' best friends. I know shit about Sora that you don't. Period."

And that started an itch.

This uncontrollable itch.

I need to scratch it.

"What do you know?"

Hiro's eyes sparkle, and he begins to hum. He turns his back on me and starts peeling an orange.

"You're pissing me off Hiro, what do you know?"

He continues to ignore me.

"I'd have Sora wrapped around my finger in no time...if I tried."

"Bah!" He throws his head back in laughter. I become annoyed, walking up next to him.

"So what am I just a piece of shit?"

"I didn't say that." He shakes his head, chuckling.

"Why am not good enough?"

He walks over to the compost, dumping his orange peels, "Axel Axel Axel..."

"No, I want to know, what's wrong with me?"

"Oh, I don't know..." He sighs, throwing an orange slice in his mouth, "...You're an asshole."

**-x-**

What does he know?

I think I'd be a damn good candidate for Sora.

We'd look pretty good together too.

...At least I'd think so.

...We'd be an item.

Probably better than anything I've ever had with any girl...

Definitely.

I look over and watch Sora as he pounds away at the video game controller.

Bitches about how his brother is addicted...

Ha, I could say the same about him.

He was a rolled up crumpled mess on the floor. He had one of my small blankets wrapped all the way around him up to his chin.

"What's your favorite color?"  
>"Blue."<p>

"What do you want to be?"

"What?"  
>"Like, when you grow up kind of stuff?"<br>"Oh, I'm going to be an explorer."  
>"Seriously?"<br>"Yes."  
>I smile, "Cool. What's your favorite food?"<br>"Favorite food? No such thing. Food, is my favorite food."

He's what I want at the moment.

Right now, he's what I want.

...Why am I not good enough for him?

I ask him a hard hitting question.

"You think...think you're ever gonna get back with Riku?"  
>I see his eyes dim and he looks down.<p>

"You know...I..." I see the bridge of his nose crinkle as he closes his eyes momentarily.

"I would want to, but he would never take me back. I have to accept the truth. He's just too good for me. I'd only ever end up being his toy again if anything."

Sora smiles and it's sort of breaking my heart.

"That's stupid Sora for you." He mocks himself.

**-x-**

After playing video games for a while I lose interest and we watch T.V and share a bowl instead.

Soon after we're good and high Axel finally pops the question.

"Wanna go get something to eat?"

"_Yes. I would love to..."_

We walk downstairs and noticed that Hiro was watching T.V with a random girl. We slip into the kitchen quietly and begin looking around for snacks.

I open a cabinet filled with nothing but canned peas.

Three shelves, full.

Just canned peas.

"Is this some sort of joke Axel...?"  
>"My mom loves peas."<br>"Gross..."  
>I hear the kitchen door open as I dig through the pea cabinet, thinking that it's ammo for another prank war instead.<p>

"What is she doing here?" Axel sounds mortified.  
>"Gee Axel that's a nice way to greet someone you once cared about..."<br>"Shut up I wasn't talking to you. Hiro! What's she doing here?"  
>I turn around and see this familiar looking face from school.<p>

Her blonde hair slicked back except two large strands. Her face said something sour, she gave me a headache just looking at her.

"Free game." Hiro says nonchalantly, pouring two glasses of water.

Axel is now staring him down.

"This _isn't _funny." I hear the anger in Axels voice brewing and it slightly worries me.  
>"I'm not trying to be funny."<p>

"Larxene, get the fuck out."

_Ohhh...this is awkward..._

His ex. Now I get it.

"Larxene go wait in the living room."

She sighs, "_Fine._"

She walks out and now the tension really sets in.

"Why are you fucking around with one of my ex's?"  
>Hiro scoffs, "It's your ex. You always talk shit about her and you guys broke up years ago. You don't give a flying fuck about anyone you date anyways."<p>

Silence.

"...You really just said that...huh?"Axel's voice slowly breaks up and he falls silent. His green eyes stare down at the dark marble counter top.

"Hiro hurry up!" She calls from the other living room.

"You can't deny a word I just said."

"I'm leaving! Goodbye Hiro, you missed your chance!"

We hear the front door open and close.

"She'll be back." He comments.

"You've got a lot of fucking balls, you know that?" Axel loses all expression on his face and walks out.

"Jesus Christ Hiro don't you think your laying the cream on a little too thick?"

I put the can of peas down on the counter and approach him.

"Axel needs humility. You wouldn't understand."  
>"It looked like you were just calling him out for no reason to me..."<br>"You don't know what you're talking about."

I don't respond.

"Maybe I don't, but that was still pretty...low." I say before walking towards the kitchen door.  
>"Why? Just because you like him? You feel s<em>orry <em>for him? Shows what you know..."  
>I take a deep breath in and ignore his last comment, walking out of the kitchen. I see Axel march past me and I sense his anger blow past me.<p>

"Hey what are you-?"  
>He slams the kitchen door open and I hear loud thuds.<p>

By the time I'm back in the kitchen I see Axel holding Hiro's face up against the wall.

"You slimy _fuck!" _He muttered as he held Hiro's head against the wall. I run over and grab his wrists, holding them up and back. Blood was dripping from his fists.

"Axel Axel Axel!" I pull him off immediately and see that Hiro's nose is just a blooded mess.

"You're...you're just a bitch Axel." Hiro sneers, flipping him off one.

Axel's wrist slips my grip and he reacts with one left hook to Hiro's face.

I grab Axel's wrist and pull him back," Axel I said stop!"

Hiro laughs, stumbling out of the kitchen and I am left with a furious Axel. He tries to push past me but I push him up against the counter.

His fists are shaking and I'm as close as I ever been to Axel, holding his two wrists down and pressing him up against the counter.

He breathes heavy, like a dragon ready to blow fire.

"Calm down." I say firmly.

He begins to push off of me and I tighten my grip, bucking him back into the counter.

"You've gotta have more will power than that, Axel."

He stops completely and his face flares up.

He breathes in,"I need a cigarette...!"


	6. Chapter 6

Axel had brought out more than a cigarette. Two cases of premium lager to 'forget the bullshit.'

"You're pretty strong you know that?" He smirks, taking a huge first drag of his cigarette. His left hand was covered in dry blood. Hiro's I would guess.

I stretch, "Aw you don't have to tell me that."

He laughs, "Cocky motherfucker."

We end up goofing around for most of the night, forgetting everything that had just happened.

"You ever...ever wonder why it never snows here?"  
>"The climate...it's tropical."<br>"That...doesn't make sense."  
>I begin to snort, "Of course it does."<p>

I continue, "I've never seen snow before. Kairi tells me that it's fun. Cold and edible...wonder what it tastes like."

"Really? You've never seen snow before?"  
>"Never. Have you?"<br>"Of course I have. Every winter back at Hollow Bastion, it snows."

"Lucky..."

"Well, we can have a simulation. A fake snowball fight."  
>"How?"<br>"Easy." He slurs out, "C'mon."

**-x-**

"Oh ya, this is _totally _a good idea. This is, this is great." I weave back and forth, trying to make a decent ball of sand.  
>"Whether you're being sarcastic or not, you're doin' it."<p>

"...Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We stood about ten feet across from each other on the shores now. The tide was low and it was barely visible.

"Now," Axel held up both pointer fingers, "the rules are, no throwing at the face. And uh...Alright. Ready?"  
>I shrug, "A-Alright."<p>

Before I could get a good handle on my sand-ball I get hit in the face by an explosion of sand.

I close my eyes and feel bits of sand travel into my ear and mouth.

"Ah!" I nearly fall to the ground. I start wiping my face off.

"What the fuck!?"  
>"Shit! Sora! I'm sorry!" He calls out, running closer to me.<p>

"I'm so sorry!"

"You said no throwing at the face!"

"I'm sorry." He tries to hold back a smile but breaks up laughing instead.

"I'm...so sorry...!" He says through laughter.

I make my sand-ball ten times bigger and smash his face with it.

We threw sand balls at each other until high tide kicked in. From there, we trudged back up to Axel's house, covered head to toe in sand and laughing.

"Loser." He shoves me aside.  
>"You're the one who lost sore loser." I push back harder, making him trip over.<p>

"Hahaha lose-" He slams his whole body into me and we both fall.

"Ow...shit Axel..." I feel my head hit the ground hard and close my eyes.

We start snorting.

I open my eyes and see his vibrant green eyes staring back at me.

They don't budge.

My God...

They're the most beautiful eyes I've seen on a guy. His gaze is steady.

I let my eyes trace down the bridge of his cute nose, straight down to his elegant soft lips cracked in a smile.

I feel my face become hot and I blink.

His face grows red and his smile fades a bit.

I see the sudden worry in his eyes.

"S-Sorry." He stands up in a rush and holds out his hand.

I shake myself out of the trance, taking his hand to stand up.

His face is still red as he smiles at me once again.

"We should probably shower. Sand gets into everything."

**-x-**

I sat on the bottom bunk of the bed, drying my hair after my shower. Axel finally emerges from the bathroom, his long red hair covering most of his face. He surprised me, with nothing but his towel wrapped around his waist.

"You used up all the hot water." He points at me.

"Sorry."  
>"It's alright, I needed a cold one anyways."<p>

We make eye contact and I started laughing.

_Crap. I was supposed to laugh about that in my head._

"No, I didn't mean that I! I mean I-I..."Axel realized the connection I made in my head.

"I'm sorry...!"I laugh. He smiles bashfully, looking away from me.

"Get your head out of the gutters." He closes the closet door quickly and comes out dressed in shorts.

**-x-**

We calm down by watching a shitty sci-fi movie made for television.

Axel let me start sleeping on the edge after realizing that I couldn't see the t.v over his poofy hair.

"These movies are always crap." He groans.

I wish he would hold me, truth be told.

Feeling the warmth from another person every night like this, but not being able to hold them is driving me crazy.

I hear my phone vibrate and pull it up from under the bed.

One message from Riku.

"_Goodnight."_

_Goodnight?_

"What is that supposed to even mean..." I groan out, dropping my phone.

"What? Another text from what's his face?"  
>"He texted me goodnight."<p>

"Tell him to go fuck himself."  
>"Axel."<p>

"You'd be happier if you gave him what he deserves, you know it."  
>"What?"<p>

"I'm trying to help you with this prick, can't you tell? I know what I'm doing. Here, let me demonstrate."

"What do you mean?"

Axel reaches over and grabs my phone.

"Wait what are you doing?" I turn around and try to grab it but he pushes me away with one arm.

"Stop! I'm not doing what you think I am, calm down!" He says with a wicked smile.

"No I don't believe you!"  
>"<em>Soooraaaa," <em>He whines out, "Just watch! I'm texting someone I know."

"You swear?"  
>"Yes."<p>

I relax my composure and in a quick second Axel extends his arm out again, holding my forehead back with his fucking monkey arms.

"Fuck...you...Riku...I'm too busy...for you...now...Good...night." Axel recites as he types out the message on my phone.

"Axel! Wai-"

"-Send." He hits the send button before shutting off my phone and taking it apart.

"I can't believe you just did that..." I looked at him horrified.

"Riku's gonna think that we're...I'm...we-"

He grins, "-He already thinks that. That's the point. It's your turn to push back. I'm sure you've pretended to be Kairi's boyfriend before, haven't you?"

"Yeah but-"

"-Now relax and watch this shitty movie with me."

"No way man. He's gonna be bitching left and right and-"

I try to make a move for my phone parts, but Axel drops them in the crack between the wall and the bed.

"-_He's _not your boyfriend anymore. I am, and he knows it. He s_ees_ it, you get me? Now lay down."

Axel flips me around and wraps his arm around me, holding on to the ledge of the bunk bed so I couldn't move.

"We're watching the movie this way, and we're falling asleep this way. A_aaand_ if I feel your presence so much as leave this bed, I'll watch you like a hawk. _A hawk._"

So I lay still.

Take a breather.

"...Okay." I say

**-x-**

I wake up earlier than usual this morning, smashed up against the wall. Sora's laying flat on his back, arms open as though he's Jesus, taking up the whole fucking bed.

Nice.

_I wonder if Hiro made anything for breakfast..._

_Oh wait._

_Ah._

_Crap._

I stand up recalling the four blows I delivered to Hiro's face yesterday.

_Maybe he's home..._

I check the top bunk and see his pair of clothes from yesterday on the bed.

Sora stirs in between the sheets, slowly opening his eyes. He turns his head towards me, eyes squinted.

"What's up...?" He asks in a half asleep tone, his eyes slowly closing up again.

"Looking for Hiro."  
>"Oh...yeah...you should apologize..." Sora flips on his stomach, pulling the blankets over his shoulders.<p>

"Apologize? Why?" I ask.

"Because you probably broke his nose Axel...don't be a jerk." He says sleepily.

"He could be fucking my ex."

"Axeeel..." He sighs, stretching out before sitting up in the bed.

"The rest of the world could be fucking her. Why do you care enough to hurt your brother? Why do you care at all? You never loved her...Right?"

"Yes, I never loved her."

She is the last person I would fall in love with.

I'd settle down with a rock before I'd ever love her.

A snail.

A puddle of fucking water, before I would ever love her.

"Okay then. I need to go pee." He stands up and walks to the bathroom.

"Ugh...I hate apologizing." I grab my pack of smokes from the dresser.

I walk out my bedroom door and walk straight to the kitchen, noticing his absence in the living room.

"Hiro?" I called out walking in, but no one was there.

I smelled cleaning chemicals and noticed the blood that was splattered on the walls and floor from yesterday was non-existent.

...So maybe I went a _little _too far yesterday.

"Hiro!" I yell out, hoping for a response. I open the dining room door and see him sitting at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. He doesn't look over, acting as though I never entered the room.

"Hey, I was looking for you."

His eyes roll to me, "I know."

He continues to eat his bowl of cereal as I awkwardly stand at the doorway. His nose was lightly bandaged up and his cheek was bruised. Other than that though he looked pretty...okay.

….He's pissed.

He hates me.

"Hiro I'm sorry." I blurt out, holding onto the doorway like a scared child.

"Shove your sorry up your fucking asshole, shit it out, and eat it." He stands up, dropping his spoon filled with cereal in his bowl of milk. He picks it up and pushes past me into the kitchen.

"Come on Hiro talk to me. I don't want you to be mad." I stand behind him.

"No."  
>"Hiro. Just sit down and have a smoke with me, we need to talk this out." I follow him into the living room.<p>

"Why should I give you the time of day? You fractured my fucking nose! All because you can't ever handle hearing the cold hard fucking truth about yourself! Why should I talk to you!?" He turns around, stopping only inches away from my face.

I pull out my pack of smokes and hold it up to his face.

"Come on. Because brothers talk it out, friends walk away."

After a few moments of hesitation, Hiro pulls a cigarette out from the box and I take mine out. "You didn't talk it out yesterday..."He mumbles. We sit on the couch and light our cigarettes.

"So. Start talking."

"I'm sorry." I say.

"Why?"  
>"What do you mean why?"<br>"Why?"  
>"I...violence isn't the answer."<p>

"Ha! I'm leaving-"

"-No wait! I mean it, I'm sorry. I..."

I take a deep one, "I was pissed that you brought Larxene for whatever reason you would even want her over..."

I look over to him and back at the t.v.

I sigh and look down at my hands.

Back at him, he looks impatient and disgruntled.

I didn't want to say everything.

But...

"...But I was more pissed that you had to say that stuff while Sora was around."  
>"What?"<p>

"Say what you want, just...just don't ruin things for me. Fuck my exes and have a party, just don't ruin things for me." I try to keep things simple.

Silence soon took over and we didn't exchange a word until we were down to half of our cigarettes.

He then finally breaks the silence.

"_Are you serious?"_ Hiro asks me in disbelief.

"What?"

_Shit, what is he gonna say now...? Please don't make this awkward..._

"So what, you really are trying to go out with Sora now?" He's smiling a little and I fidget in my seat. I lean forward, "No. Why were you being such an asshole yesterday anyway?" I change the subject, feeling embarrassed about my crush.

He shrugs, "I wasn't fucking your ex, I was just buying shit off of her."

"What?"  
>"Well yeah, I need to buy my drugs <em>somewhere<em>."

"You aren't shooting up again, right?"  
>"No. I wanted a hookup for some good acid. But she left anyways, you remember. I was pissed at you for taking some of moms coke. You aren't supposed to be touching that shit, remember?"<p>

Ah, and that is why he was such an asshole.

"That's really why I called you out I guess... That shit eventually made you psychotic and got you arrested. You promised me you would never touch it again. Mom told me. She told me you took a big fat line."

"Well, I-"  
>"-I don't want to hear your excuses okay? You know what it did to us. You wouldn't want me touching dope again, would you?"<p>

I sigh, "I get it."

"I'm serious! Because of that shit you burned down our house and we had no place to go! We had no place to go while you had room and board at jail..."

Hiro finishes his cigarette and puts it out.

I feel the guilt that I never like to think about seeping back into my brain.

It hurts, it burns actually.

I burnt down our house, leaving Hiro and my mother shit out of luck when it came to food and shelter. They could've ran back to my dad and said to hell with me. God knows my dad would love it if I was dead to them.

But they never abandoned me even after that happened.

I deal with the guilt every day still.

How could I have been such a fuck up?

"I thought I'd never have my brother back...just stay away from it."

I see just how upset it makes him, and I feel like a dip shit.

"I'm not who I was back then."  
>He doesn't say a word.<p>

"I'm serious. When you're in a cell 22 hours a day with no drugs you start to think... I'm not the same. I'll never let any substance I consume change me for the worse like I once let it."  
>"So you're basically saying that your gonna keep on doing it." He responds angrily.<p>

"What I'm saying is that I'm not out of control. And I'll never be out of control. Just put a little faith in me. I'm not some drug addict looking for my next fix, I actually have hobbies. Hobbies that include things other than fucking girls and sniffing white powder. I actually _do_ things. I went to the store the other day, I sit out in the back and star gaze, I made a friend at school, Hiro. You know that never happens."

I see him smile and I know I've won him back.

"Don't worry about me so much. I'm sorry okay? You forgive me?"  
>"...Yeah, I guess. I'm sorry too."<p>

We shake hands.

"But I deserve one good punch."  
>"In the face?"<br>"Yes in the face! I spent the whole night in the fucking E.R for my nose AND I never got the acid I wanted!"

"Alright, fine."

"Cool."

Boom.

"Ah...!" I grab my nose, laying my head face down on the arm of the couch. We both start laughing.

"Stupid." He comments.

"So, you actually like Sora?"  
>I sit up, wiping the tears from my eyes,"I...yes."<br>"Wow..."He strokes his chin.

"So, what, do you like other guys now too?"

I start laughing, embarrassed, "Shut up."

I stand up and start heading towards the stairs.

"Wait, maybe I can help you!"

"Help? Ha! You think I'm gonna need _help?_ Ha!"

"I think you'll need tons. I can wait, you'll come back asking for my help in no time." He smiles.

"Whatever."

**-x-**

I'm knee deep in racing and I hear the door open and close.

"How'd it go?"I ask.

"Good."  
>"You guys cool now?"<p>

"Yeah, we're cool." He said.

"Good." I pause my game and look at Axel.

"What happened?!" I see the cut that's streaked across the bridge of his nose.

"Pay back."  
>"You guys talked it out...right?"<br>"Yeah! I just let him give me one."  
>I shrug, "I guess."<p>

**-x-**

Axel has agreed to surf with me today. I'm waiting out back, prepping mine and my brothers surf board for the lively waves today.

"Well, today's the day I die. Rely the message onto my mother." He says, putting his hands on his hips.

Axel's body was lean yet built beautifully. His skin was flawless and fair, he somehow avoided the sun tan that Destiny offered its residents. His hair fell past his shoulders, shining brilliantly in the sunlight.

He squints his eyes, looking out at the waves.

"Soo...how far out are we going?"  
>"Far enough to swim, far enough to catch the waves."<p>

He closes his eyes, "God help me..."  
>"Don't worry, we'll only go out to water that's at least up to our waists. Not a water boy? " I ask, smiling.<p>

Axel shakes his head furiously, "No. No, no. Just...no."

"Lets try to change some of that today."

Hiro comes out with sunglasses and a pipe. "This should be _good._"

"Oh _fuck you."_

He takes a hit before Axel snatches it out of his hands.

"Give me this, I'm about to die..." He takes a long hit and passes it to me.

I take my hit before handing it back.

"Sora get ready to bring Axel in. He'll pass out on you."

"You that scared of the ocean, Ax?" I ask him.

"No..." He frowns, crossing his arms.

Me and Hiro laugh together.

"I just don't like how much we don't know about it. We don't know what's in there, we don't know where the bottom is... It's just this mysterious pool of water with sharks and gigantic fucking squids popping out of it, and I'm supposed to think that me and little Johnny over here can swim in it without a worry? I don't give a fuck if I can still see the shore from the waters, the fact that a jellyfish can come up and paralyze my ass right there in the water, see...there's something wrong there. That's just not right." He shakes his head, sitting on the ground next to me.

"It's called nature, Axel. Mother nature."  
>"I don't trust that cum guzzling whore of a mother."<p>

Before we go anywhere near the water, I teach Axel the basics of paddling and standing up. He looks worried, but he refuses to back down every time I ask him if he's sure he wants to go through with it.

**-x-**

"Alright, before we go into the water I should tell you a few more things."  
>Me and Sora are standing before the shore, our boards laying on the sand floor.<p>

"First off: You're gonna fall. You're gonna fall off your board, multiple times, and you're gonna drink tons of sea water."

"Okay." I swallow.

"You... do know how to swim right? Not dog paddle, but actually swim?"

"Of course I do! I don't suck that much. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't sure that I could swim."

Sora laughs,"Okay, well, if the ocean starts pulling you in, swim that way, or that way. Never towards the shore, and never towards the ocean. Know why?"  
>"Why?"<br>"Rip currents. Also, keep an eye on the waves at all time. So, don't freak out. Because when you start freaking out you start dying. And you _will_ die if you start freaking out. So, you know. Don't freak out." He says nonchalantly. I gasp and Sora starts laughing harder.

"Sora what do you mean? What do you mean by that?"  
>"Don't worry, I already checked out the waters today, this is little kids stuff. I got your back!" He gives me a thumbs up.<p>

Out in the waters I'm shivering cold, holding on tight to Roxas' grey and white surf board as I watch the waves like a hawk.

"Don't you want to go in a little deeper?"  
>I shake my head.<p>

"Ax, we're in three feet deep."

"So? I think this is...surf worthy?"

Sora begins to tug the front of my board, pulling me deeper into the water.

"S-Sora?"

"Alright. Now we're talkin'!" He hops back onto his board.

"We're in too deep Sora..." I say, looking around frantically.

"Axel we're in four feet deep. I think you'll be fine if you fall off your board."

"I'm gonna drown."

"Knock on wood."

I glare at him, before knocking on the surf board.

"You need to just _chill._ Become one with the waves, move like you're part of it, not like you're trying to survive. If a wave takes you under, relax and hold your breath, you'll be up before you can count to ten. _Zen is the key." _Sora holds on to his crown necklace, explaining with confidence that I need not be scared.

"How do you feel right now?"

"Like my dick packed up my balls and moved further north inside my body." I shivered.

"And that's natural."

We sit on the waters for a few moments, passing up waves until 'the perfect one' arrived.

"Alright, start paddling."

"Soraaa!" I start paddling for my life and the wave passes over me.

I'm submerged under the salty waterbed and hear nothing but the whoosh of the waves as the pass over me. I remember Sora's advice and eventually float up to the surface.

I cling onto my board and see Sora riding the waves on his board.

_Backwards._

He salutes to me with a grin before turning around on his board again.

"Holy shit..." I say to myself as he waves to me.

He's riding like a professional, balancing on the board until wave dies out at the very end.

He gets back on his board and starts paddling out to me.

"That was amazing!" I call out.

"Thank you!"

I see Sora's facial expression change and I turn around to see what he was afraid of.

Oh, a massive wave has manifested itself behind me.

How nice.

"Shit!" I filled with panic, paddling with great strength. I saw Sora pushing his palms up towards the sky, as though he was telling me to stand up.

_STAND UP BASTARD._

I push myself up onto my feet, weaving and waving before reaching that one whole second where I was riding the waves.

It's funny, I though I was actually _doing _it.

What a joke.

**-x-**

I see huge sea wall of water sneak up on Axel. He starts paddling for his life, then stands as I instruct him to from the shore.

And man, he's riding, like a natural.

I'll never forget that smile.

I helplessly watch as the huge wave takes Axel over

I frantically scan the surface of the ocean now. I spot Roxas' board bobbing up and down on the waves, Axel just barely hanging onto it. He looked motionless.

"Shit!" I push my board up the shore run back into the waters, paddling with all my might, trying to get to Axel before the next wave comes and takes him out to sea.

"Axel!" I pulled him up on the board even more before paddling us both back onto land.

"Axel! Axel!" I shook his face and smacked it.

But he didn't respond.

He layed there, eyes closed and motionless.

"Oh man...!" I feel tears reaching my eyes and I stand up, waving Hiro over to us.

He spots me wildly flinging my arms and starts running over. No one else can help me, the beaches have been empty all day.

I kneel back down to Axel and push aside his heavy wet strands of hair.

"What happened?!" Hiro asks, breathing heavily.

"He got caught up in this huge wave, he didn't see it coming."

"Well don't just stand there! Do something! CPR!" Hiro yells at me wide eyed.

"I've never done CPR I've only watched videos of it!"

"Well you better start doing whatever the fuck you learned!"

I look down at Axel's seemingly lifeless body.

He looked so peaceful, I didn't want that.

_Come on and give me a mean mug, Axel. Wake up!_

I pinch his nose and for the first time my lips touch another boys except Riku's .

Oh, how I wish the circumstances were better.

I give him five rescue breaths before sea water comes spewing from his mouth.

He lurches to the side and begins coughing up sea water as me and Hiro pat his back.

"He's alive!" Hiro rejoices.

"Axel I am so sorry." I say to him. But he's still coughing up water and trapped air.

Axel falls onto his back again, obviously exhausted. He puts up two devil horns with his right hand, "Rock n' Roll...that was...that was awesome."

He passes out flat on the board.

I exhale.

"Come on, we better get this loser back home."


	7. Chapter 7

"You should've seen it, Hiro! He was riding it like a pro!"

"You don't say?"

"Yeah, I've never seen anyone catch a wave like _that _on their first time!"

_Ugh...what's that?_

_I'm...not in the ocean anymore._

"So glad he isn't dead, thanks for giving him CPR. I could've done it, but I don't want to kiss my brother, blech."

"Hiro!"

"Just kidding! Look at you all red over there-"

"-Shut up!"

Hiro snorts, "Ha!"

_CPR?...But I feel fine..._

"Did you like it?"  
>"I'm...not answering that."<br>"Ah."

_What? What do you mean you're not answering that?_

"Did he ruin the moment by spitting sea water in your mouth?"

_I spit water up in his mouth? Shit...no wonder he's not answering the question...aw man._

"You're such an asshole...No."

"So you did like it! Or you didn't?"

I hear Sora groan out loud, "You suck Hiro."

"I just don't get what's going on between Axel and you...that's all."

_God I wish I could pass out again. This conversation is killing me..._

**-x-**

We finally reach the back patio and lower the board carefully.

"Think he should go to the hospital? He's been knocked out for a while."  
>"Nah, he's been faking it the last hundred feet. You hear that Ax? We know you heard us. I'll be inside, it's too hot out here for my taste."<p>

I see Axel beginning to frown and he rises off of the board.

"You okay?" I ask quickly, worried about his current state.

"I'm...fine. I don't think I'll be doing that for a while."  
>"I understand, I'm surprised the board didn't break once it touched down." I hold my hand out and notice the redness develop under his dewy tattoos. I've never seen him look at me the way he is right now.<p>

He grabs my hand and uses it as leverage to stand.

**-x-**

"Sorry about the whole drowning part today."

Axel and I were sitting in my car eating burgers at the same fast food joint we ate at on graduation day.

"It's alright, I should've been out there with you, maybe then you wouldn't have been underwater long enough to suck in all the water you did. You were still pretty good."

"What do you mean pretty good?"

"Well, you rode the wave for about a good three seconds before you got taken down."  
>"What? Really?"<br>"Yeah, you don't remember?"  
>He shakes his head, "Nah, last thing I remember was water hitting my back really hard...then all this water went up my nose. I remember rushing to the surface and grabbing something, but I just passed out. I don't know..." He sighs.<p>

"Why such a phobia against water?"

"It's a secret."

"A secret?"  
>"Yeah, haven't you ever heard of one?"<p>

"Of course, asshole."

"Well well, I'll tell you a secret for a secret, if you really want to know."  
>"A secret for a secret...?"<br>"Yeah, and that's only because you're my friend. You saved my life...thanks for doin' that stuff..." Axel looked away, scratching at his neck.

"Anyways, secrets. Guess I should tell you why I'm afraid of the ocean. It was the last time I saw my dad. He lived with Hiro, my mom and I at our old house when we moved to Destiny. A two bedroom flat, nothin' too nice or special. I was throwing my ball around, getting ready to go to the park and then I miscalculated. I missed the ball by an inch and it knocked over this pile of coke he had to sell since he was in major debt with his dealer. It was all lost into our carpet. My mom wasn't home, neither was Hiro. So he dragged me in his car and took me out to sea on his boat. Once it was just us, he unloaded everything he felt about me. How he hated me and wished my mother had aborted me, the beatings she put my mom through just because I existed. Said the only reason I was as fucked up as I was, was because he made me that way. I used to set anything I could find half alive on fire, mostly birds and rodents like squirrels and rats. I'd carry around a small tin of lighter fluid and matches, just burning shit until everything was right with the world. Well, I was the fucked up red-headed child that he still wanted to abort. So he did, he tied a bag of bricks to my leg and threw me over. And...I think I died."

I watched Axel stare aimlessly out of the windshield, holding his second burger untouched.

"I was fighting it, but after awhile I just started feeling good. Really good, like I never wanted to leave. So I just closed my eyes. I woke up at my house, and my mom then took me to the hospital. She told me to say that I went out swimming with friends. When I went back to the beach with Hiro a few weeks later, I started having a panic attack. I ran, then told him some lie about a shark." Axel wrapped up his burger and started lighting a cigarette.

"So...Hiro doesn't know?"

I let him sit in his silence, before saying, "We can fix it."

It was a bold move, but maybe one day the favor will be returned.

"What?"

"Something like that, all it takes is for the good memories to overlap the bad. We can fix it."

We start to drive back.

"I don't think it's gonna work."

"Well, we're friends right? Trust me already, I know what it's like."  
>"To drown?"<br>"Well, yes, I surf so it's part of the deal. But I also know what it's like to enjoy something I used to be scared of. Just trust me."

**-x-**

Summers been good to me so far, we're almost half-way through.

I catch Axel from the corner of my eyes, staring me down sometimes. I wonder what he's thinking about?

It'll be one more week before I can go back home, and I can't help but think that he has something on his mind.

Like today, I was trying to help Hiro bake a cake. I couldn't help but notice that while he was holding up his magazine and pretending to read it, his eyes were still very much visible to me. Staring dead at me.

I mean, _he just didn't stop._

At points it really starts to creep me out.

I don't think Riku ever stared me down like he is right now.

But I'm okay with it after a while...

And I liked it by the end.

"Man, who knew it was so tough to make one of those by scratch. Where'd you learn how to bake Sora?"

"My mom, Kairi and Namine. Also, I follow the cookbook instead of dumping whatever smells good together in a bowl."

-x-

How is it that I'm thinking about him...more than I normally would?

What has changed since then and now that's got me all worked up?

He still _looks_ the same.

He _sounds_ the same...

Kind of.

His voice has taken this sultry tone to it...every time I notice that it's Sora speaking, I stop everything just to hear what he's saying.

I've had a few thoughts about sex...but I shake those thoughts every time they seem to come.

He's just a friend.

A friend that I have the teeniest crush on.

...Right?

**-x-**

The sunset was stunning tonight. I sat out back by myself, Axel and Hiro were out grocery shopping. Once again my phone was ringing off the hook.

It was Riku, and I feared what he had to tell me this time.

_Maybe he wants to make up with you..._

_No, he's not that kind of guy, it was always me making up with him._

_...So what? Maybe that's why he wants to make up with you._

"..."

"Hello?" I hear Riku ask sharply across the receiver.

"Hello?"

I begin to hear him laugh, "Sora..."

"Riku...?"  
>"...You fucking <em>slut."<em>

He begins laughing again. "Riku-"

"-Shut up! All I ever fucking wanted from you was to love me. Was that so much to fucking ask?"  
>"What the hell are you talking about?"<p>

_Is he...drunk?_

"Don't act dumb with me. You've been leaving me in the dark, and now I've found someone to do the things you flat out refused to do for me. How does it feel, _to be hated?_"  
>"I-I can't believe what I'm hearing from you...Riku, I...I-"<p>

"-You're no one to me. You're just a speck of fucking dust in the wind. I'll make sure you regret what hell you've put me through."  
>"What hell I've put you through? You were the one always in it for your fucking self! It..." I start to cry.<p>

"How many times are you gonna try to commit suicide before you finally fucking succeed, huh?"

_Riku...don't do this to me..._

"Please-"

"-There's no fucking point, I hate you."  
>"I...I'm sorry."<p>

_Riku...please._

**-x-**

"Sora we're home!" I call out into the house.

"Still gaining a slight obsession?"  
>"Shut up."<p>

Me and Hiro walk to the kitchen with the groceries.

"Did you get all the things mom wanted on the list?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

What's the point of getting her shit if she won't be home for another few months?

"I'll be back, I'm gonna go see what Sora's doing."

"I could've guessed that."

I walk out of the kitchen and run upstairs to my room.

No sign.

I run back downstairs and approaching the backdoor, I notice he's on the phone with someone.

_Better not be that asshole..._

But it is.

I see Sora gripping and throwing his hands about, his voice raising and falling as though he had already been through the motions of crying.

"I never wanted to hurt you!" I hear him shout into the receiver.  
>"Why? I...I can't tell you, I'm sorry!"<p>

Sora notices me from the corner of his eyes, scared.

"That's it..." I slide the backdoor open and step in front of him.  
>His eyes were bloodshot and teary, as though he had been going at this for a while.<p>

He was losing.

I held my hand out, signaling him to give me the phone.

"No."  
>"Yes."<br>"No..."

I lean down and front of him and smile, "We're friends right?"

His big blue eyes looked up at me like they belonged to lost puppies.

He nods, and I slowly take the phone away from his ear, "Trust me." I whisper to him.

"Trust me..." I reassure him by grabbing his hand.

It's so warm, like the first time we held hands.

I squeezed it hard, holding the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"  
>"Who the fuck are you?"<br>"Sora's new boyfriend, Axel. Find another ex to harass, this one's getting over you."  
>"Axel...you think you're so fucking smooth. Don't <em>touch <em>Sora."  
>"I think it's mine and Sora's choice if we want to touch, don't you think?" I sit down next to Sora and give him a smile. He blushes before looking away slightly.<p>

Riku starts to shout out obscenities, saying every damn nasty thing he could about Sora.

As he's shouting in the receiver, I pull it away from my ear for a quick second before going in for the kill.

"Just because you left the best goddamn thing that's ever happened to you and regret it doesn't mean you can come back expecting everything to go back to normal after you got your rocks off fucking around. Grow up! He doesn't _want_ you any more he doesn't _need _you anymore, got it? He's over you, you jellyfish fucker." I hang up the phone before ripping out the battery and throwing it into the sand.

**-x-**

"Sora, you can't go back to him."

"But-"

"-But nothing, Don't you have any self-esteem? A guy like that's only gonna bring you down."  
>"He's...the only one-"<p>

"-Horse shit. You need to love yourself a little more than that, but I guess that's what friends are for, right?"

Axel held onto my hand even tighter than before. "What was a guy like you doing with a shit head like that? Sora..."

I breakdown, was it the truth? Was Riku really the shithead he was presenting himself to be? It felt like an illusion. He didn't just say all the things he did, did he?

"You're so much better than that." He stares me down.

Our faces only inches apart, God knows what I was thinking about doing to those lips.

He bites down on his bottom lip, blushing, but his eyes stayed on mine.

He smiles slightly, "Sora..."

And we let the moment last forever, as the sunset threw its splay of colors at us we sat still, hand in hand, okay with eachother.

Everything was okay.

Axel was right.

"Axel!"

We jump apart, startled by Hiro's sudden interruption.

"Oh, uh, I need your help. Just...you know." Hiro awkwardly slips back into the house and we look at eachother again.

This tinge of awkwardness mixed with the tinge of excitement got me standing up again.

From that moment on, I never looked at Axel the same.

"Thank you."  
>"Don't thank me."<br>"...Thank you."


	8. Chapter 8

Since that moment in the back patio, things between me and Axel haven't been the same.

Things have gotten...heh...well...

He's a bit flirtatious at times. And he smiles at me when he catches me looking at him.

But I guess that's open for anyone to judge. Hiro tells me he thinks Axel has a thing for me, but at other times it just feels like we're just the best of friends. Like any intimate emotion being felt was scripted.

Scripted to fool Riku into believing we're an item.

In the streets or when we'd go to the park, Axel knew when Riku was around, and he'd be on top of it every time.

Every time he grabs my hand, or puts his arm around me, it'd be for Riku.

It'd be for the sake of fooling Riku.

Because God knows Axel is a ladies man. Meant only for the women of the town Destiny, he, like many other guys my age around here, were off limits to me.

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was fooled myself at times. He smells _damn good_ and I'm a sucker for that.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't thrust myself under his arm every time he offered.

Today, my house is finally free of all hazardous chemicals. I went back home to see what state our house had been left in.

"They didn't do much damage, thank God!" My mom rejoiced seeing the emptied basement. It was cleared of all the chemicals Donny had been brewing with.

"I can have my house back!" She spun in a circle in the middle of the basement.

**-x-**

"She's bullshit." Roxas says as I follow him upstairs.

"Why?"  
>"Dad always comes back. No matter what, she always takes him back. Bullshit."<br>"Maybe it'll be different."  
>Roxas turns to me before going into his room, "Remember all those times you thought that before? Dad'll be back in no time, and this house will be the same thing it's been ever since <em>he <em>left us."

Roxas refers to my dad as 'Him'. 'He' doesn't have a name under this room for his punishable crime of abandonment.

**-x-**

I sat in my room and came to a realization that Roxas was right.

My mother never had the strength to be alone.

What's it going to be like for her and Roxas once I go? Will they be alright without me to stand in the middle of things?

I don't want them to take what I've been taking for them ever since I came out.

But sometimes I wonder...would it even be that bad once the gay son leaves?

Would they be a happy family, without me?

I sigh, falling back on my bed.

If only...

My phone buzzes and I quickly take it out of my pocket.

"_Hey."  
>"What's going on?"<br>"Nothing...kinda boring here. So, you know."  
><em>

I find his inability to be direct 's funny, sometimes I don't answer his texts for a while just to see what he comes up with.

Roxas cusses me out.

Kairi sends me tons of dick pics.

But Ax, he tends to lead the conversation with only himself.

"_Hey."  
>"HEY. SORA."<em>

"_That's fine, I kno what you're doing."  
>"Asshole."<br>"...Hey what are you doing?"  
>"I want to go somewhere."<em>

"_Fun, FUN. Hows about it?"  
>"I'll come by and key your car with Hiro's glass cutting nipples."<em>

"_Just kidding, don't tell him I said anything about his nipples. Happy fun time now? Yeah, happy fun time."  
><em>

"Jesus Ax..." I say to myself, reading all the messages he sends in such a short amount of time.

"_Where do you want to go?"  
>"UGH FINALLY. Lets go somewhere."<br>"Where?"  
>"To the mountains! I've got gas money and foooood. C'mon, it's a cool spot."<br>"I guess."_

"_Sweet, come home."  
><em>

_Home..._

_Wait, home?_

**-x-**

"Where are we going?" I ask as Axel throws two backpacks and a miniature cooler in the back of my seat.

"The mountains, know how to get there?"  
>"Yeah, Hayner used to live by there."<br>"Oh yeah."

As we drove further out to the eastern part of Destiny roads became less common, and we eventually got on a two way windy road that would lead us to the more native part of Destiny, where people still build their houses by hand with straw and wood. Everything took a more natural, traditional turn. We were on a curvy rode, going higher up into the mountains. We could see Destiny Island for miles beyond the green trees.

"Where am I going?"  
>"There's going to be a turn in the road in a—right here take it now!"<br>I cut my wheel to the right and quickly break before slamming my front bumper into a fence.

"_Niiice."_

I back up just enough and we get out. I inspect the front end off my car, relieved that it's not fucked up.

A tall rusted fence blocked our way to a steep hill, surrounded by tall trees and bushes. On the fence was a sign saying "KEEP OUT" with red fading letters.

We grab the two backpacks and his miniature cooler.

"What's back here?"  
>Axel smiles, "My favorite spot, I almost forgot about it."<br>"How are we gonna get through?"  
>"Easy, do as I do." Axel pulls the fences apart and slides through with ease, pulling the backpacks in after him.<p>

"C'mon."  
>I do as him and <em>try <em>to slide through, but something gets me stuck.

I can't slide my...ahem...bottom half through without it hurting like a bitch.

I'm basically sandwiched in between two fences.

"Help!"

"Right!" He pushes the fence one way and I nearly feel my ball pop, "Not that way!"

"Oh, sorry!" He pulls the fence in the opposite way and I fall through, grabbing myself," That was close."

"Whoops."

**-x-**

Green, green everywhere. Little birds and insects coexisting in their peaceful reality.

I didn't appreciate this kind of stuff before I went to jail, that's for sure.

We climb these steep hills and the landmarks to my spot are still there.

The 'AX' etched into the tree by Larxene still resides by the entrance to the tunnel.

"Careful." I say as I turn on the flashlight on my phone.

"Where the fuck are we?" I feel Sora hold onto the back of my bag and we trudged through uneven footing to get to the exit. "Just be careful." Through the tunnel we reached the cliff side. From the cliff you could see the ocean for miles. Below us was nothing but jagged rocks and smashing waves of deep water.

"Wow! This place is cool!" Sora steps up to the very edge off the cliff, holding his arms out to his sides.

"You can see my hangout from here. Look." He points out to the water and I see a small mountain like island. "I guess so."  
>Sora's blue shirt rippling wildly from the wind. "Aren't you cold?"<p>

"Meh, not really. This place is so cool. I bet you could scale the walls and find other secret spots." He lays down on the grass to get a better look over the edge.

"Yeah, lets not die today." I pull out a blanket from my backpack and find four heavy rocks to hold down the corner of blanket.

"Here." I hold out a sea salt popsicle for Sora.

"Oh! What's that?" He grabs it and tears the wrapping off before I tell him.  
>"It's a sea salt popsicle from Twilight Town. My mom brought some back with her last time she was here." Sora plops down next to me and takes a huge bite out of it to my surprise. "Careful you don't want to get a brain freeze."<br>"These are good...!" He devours the popsicle in three large bites as I stare at him in awe.

"Do you...want another one? So that you can maybe enjoy it a little longer than the last?"

He nods adorably, and I toss him another popsicle. We get wrapped up in conversation as usual, talking about life as usual. He finishes his second popsicle a little slower.

"Hey Axel, what's this mean?" He holds out the bare popsicle stick and it reads 'winner'.

"Oh, if we were in Twilight Town you'd take that back and get a free popsicle. Keep it, it'd probably still apply once you move."

_Move..._

I didn't want to finish that sentence.

Move.

Sora's...he's moving away by the end of summer...

"Oh yeah, I'm moving...it's gonna suck, not being able to hang out with you."

"...Really?"  
>"Yeah, really. What, you want to get rid of me?"<br>"No, no, that's not it at all."  
>He laughs, "Good. You have anymore of those popsicles?"<p>

"Yup." I hand him another one and smile.

I don't know how, but we got to talking about stuff I normally wouldn't open up about. I asked questions I normally wouldn't ask, realizing that this summer will be the last time I get to hang out with Sora.

"Why was Riku yelling at you? Why did you apologize to him like that?"  
>"Well, it's just what we do."<p>

"What?"

"Yeah," Sora crosses his legs and sits forward, "We start arguing, I tell him to fuck off, he bothers me and tells me it's all my fault, and then I say sorry."

It's something I didn't imagine Sora going through for four years straight.

How can he be so fucking humble?

"I put up with it because I...I fucked our relationship over."His voice cracks under the explanation.

"What...do you mean? Did you cheat on him?"

_And if so, with who?_

Sora laughs, "No, no...I refused to fuck him."

He surprises me with how blunt he says it, and it stops me from taking a bite out of my own popsicle. "Wh-What? Why?"

Sora shrugs, "Didn't feel like it."

…_.Seriously?_

I look out into the ocean for a sec.

"...Am I supposed to believe that?"

He smiles, "Yeah, why not?"

"That's bullshit."  
>"Well...I-I actually..." Sora trails off and looks away from me.<p>

"What is it?" I start chomping on my popsicle.

"He looks funny naked, doesn't he? I knew it. I wouldn't fuck him either."

He laughs.  
>"...I'm a virgin." He bites on the popsicle, but he doesn't bite through it.<p>

He's embarrassed.

Like, whoa man.

I...didn't see _that _coming.

"I...just wasn't ready for it, and when I was, he started screwing what we had over. So, it never got done...yup."

The light from the sunset illuminated Sora's flawless face. His skin set off this glow and his brown locks danced lightly in the wind. His cheeks were red as he reluctantly glances at me.

His lips part, "I...want someone that I can...trust."

I was stunned as he opened up to me.

Speechless.

"Maybe I hung out with Kairi and Namine too much, because I just want it to be special. I know I sound like a wimp."

_I would make it special for you, Sora._

_I would be gentle, and soft..._

_I want you._

His beauty started blooming like a flower in front of my very own eyes and I myself was overcome with feelings I can't even describe.

I finish my popsicle to fill the weird void in my stomach.

I feel like I should be...I don't know, touching him right now.

"Riku doesn't deserve something special like that...There's nothing wrong with that." I push myself to say out loud. I can imagine my cheeks turning into the shade of my hair.

"How was your first time, if you don't mind me asking?"  
>"Oh, uh," I scratch the back of my head, "Well, it was alright. I guess."<br>"Alright?"  
>I smile, "I was twelve, and I didn't really know what I was doing so...it was a little painful. Dry. But it was done."<br>"Dry...?With who?"

"Some girl I went to school with, it was when I lived in Hollow Bastion. She was a friend."

"Sora, what's love like?"  
>"Love? What does it feel like?" He lays down on the blanket and sets his hand on his stomach. "Well...it's like a storm of emotions that you just walk through. You don't see it coming, and once you're in it, you can't find your way out, you can't make out what's right and what's left. At first it sucks, but you grow to enjoy the storm and you stay. You weather the elements and you grow..."<p>

I lay down and put my hands behind my head, "...Love. I've never..." I look over to Sora. His eyes are unmoving as they stare mine down.

Can I even start to finish that last sentence...?

"What comes before love?" I ask him.

"Before it...?"  
>"First comes love, then marriage, then babies and crap...At least that's what the kids say. What comes before it?<p>

What comes before love?  
>What do I feel for you?<p>

Something I've never felt in any relationship I've ever been in...so what the fuck is going on?

"Well, I...it's hard to say."

"...I'd say so." I utter those words and he hears me, but I'm too stricken with emotion to be embarrassed.

"Does it...hit you like a brick?"  
>He grins, "I'd...say so."<p>

We realize that we're staring at eachother a little too much and look away. He starts laughing and I can't help but join him.

I sit up once again and notice the sky is at it's brightest. The colors are setting off the whole sky, red and orange running against eachother seamlessly.

"I love sunsets, it's the best part of Destiny. The red, its just like you hair." He chuckles and I smile.

"Hey, can I ask you something? And you don't have to answer it."

"I think I can handle it, shoot."  
>"Are you..." He rubs his arm, "Are you...do you...what's your make up? Are you bi?"<br>I blink," No!"

"Oh."

"I mean, yes!"

"Yes?"

"I mean I-I..."

I was so confused and embarrassed. Do I give him the answer that I give Hiro and my mom? Should I be honest?

_Make up your fuckin' mind Axel.._

Sora looked at me confused and I had to profess, "Whatever sounds good to you..."

He quickly turns his head to me and I fidget in my spot. "...Really?"  
>I nod stiffly, feeling my palms begin to sweat.<p>

I'm scared to look at him, but I do. He's grinning cheek to cheek, slightly turned away from me. His eyes glistened from the red sunlight. The sun had set fast, and the first star illuminated the darkening skies along with the moon.

There's just something about him, I don't know what the fuck it is. It's something I thought I'd never be able to feel. I've tried to love before, but each time it was fake. Something I found myself saying just to fuck a girl.

Well, this is different...I don't care about his virginity.

But I care about him. Before I acknowledged that I liked him...but I didn't think I'd begin to feel this way for Sora...

"It's getting dark out, if we stay any longer we won't be able to find our way back."  
>"Okay."<p>

**-x-**

We start down the dark mountainous range and I hold on to his backpack strap. "Hold on." Axel stops in the middle of the dark windy tunnel. He hands me his cell phone and backpack.

"What are you doing?" I shine the flashlight of his phone onto him. "I'm freezing my ass off what are you doing?" I ask again. He's unbuttoning his dark green and black flannel.

"I know, I know. Don't get your panties in a bunch." He takes off his flannel and hands it to me. "Here." I only wait for a second before a gust of wind prompts me to accept his offer. As I'm putting on his long flannel he lights a cigarette. He slings the backpacks and his cooler over his shoulder and waits for me to finish buttoning up his flannel before holding out his hand. I shyly take it and we start walking down the mountain again.

"This place gives me the creeps."

"Well-"

We're cut off by a howl.

"...Huh...that...sounded pretty close...Right? Or was that just me-"  
>"-Axel!"<br>He begins laughing and I hold onto his hand tighter.

"S'not funny..."

We bump shoulders as we walk hand in hand down the mountain. "So I've got a question for you."  
>"Shoot."<br>"Wanna move in with me?"  
>"What?" It was something that I wasn't expecting at all.<p>

"Well, I enjoy your company. I don't know...just though maybe you'd like to stay with me at my house for the remainder of the summer. My mom's never home so we could invite people and have parties. Have fun, you know?"

I feel my arms spazing out.

**-x-**

"I know you have shit going on with your family and stuff, and it's kind of uncalled for since it's your last summer here, but it'll be like your second house. You can do whatever you want and no one'll give a shit. Well, I mean, my mom. But that's if she even comes back home before summers over. So..."

_Ugh, that was a stupid question.  
><em>

"So what do ya think?"

"Really? You'd let me?" He asked excitedly, bouncing up and down.  
>"Yeah, it'll be cool." I try to say it nonchalantly, but my heart is beating out of my chest.<p>

"Yeah!"

We jump over a mossy log and carefully walk down the steep hill, back to the rusted fence. I push the fence open for Sora this time, and he goes through a lot smoother than the first time.

We sit in his car, not saying anything.

Not moving.

The air has shifted between us.  
>I almost can't control myself, but I do.<p>

I actually...don't think I have the balls to make a move on him anymore.

It's...it's like he's stripped away my powers.

_He's fuckin' kryptonite._

We both glance at each other before giggling like fuckin' school girls. He starts up his car and we're driving back down the dark mountain now. I start daydreaming of the possibilities...of us.

It sets in like the warmest cloud.

The softest cotton candy at a carnival.

The perfect rainstorm.

I don't know, I can't describe it.

"I'm so excited..." I hear Sora say to himself.

But it's something like seeing the perfect sunrise...

When it's just you and the sun...and you don't ever want to leave.


	9. Chapter 9

Life's even better since Sora excepted my offer to move in with me for the remainder of the summer. I didn't think he'd ever go for it, but he said yes.

Ever since then, it's kinda been me and him. Of course we hang out with our friends, but things are better when we're...alone.

Don't know how to describe it.

"_Come see me."_

"_So you do care!"_

"_I need to talk to you about...something?"_

I walk all around my house, hoping for a sign of Sora to show, even though I know full well he's gone over to hang out with Kairi for a few hours tonight.

"_What do you want :{"_

"_If you don't meet me on the play structure in the middle of the park at 8 tonight, it's your loss. Bye."_

"_What? What do you mean?" _I check the time on my phone and realize that it's fifteen minutes till eight. _"You asshole."_

I pull on my shoes and tell Hiro where I'm out to. The weather was still warm at this time of night, and the colors are setting off in a purple fashion tonight.

I wonder what Sora is doing as I kick rocks down the sandy roads.

Wonder if he's thinking 'bout me.

I take a few turns and end up in Destiny's school district, where the Nikko park resided in the middle. The park is strangely bare except for a few people walking their dogs.

I bounce over to the play structure and sneak up on Saix, wrapping my arms through the bars of the green jungle gym and squeezing tight. He gasps, "Axel!"

"Ha! Scared ya." I climb onto the bridge of the structure and settle across him.

He still looked the same, electric blue hair and two scars streaking straight over his nose. He looked the slightest relieved looking at me.

"Good, you came out with all your parts."  
>"Yeah, and no letters or phone calls. You didn't miss me too much, did you?"<br>He scoffs, "You're an asshole, you deserved it."

"Whatever...! What did you have me come here on such short notice?"  
>Saix twists his body all around, before opening a wooden box, "You won't believe what I've been up to since you've been gone..."<br>He flashes his cellphone light upon it and I can't make it out at first. But then I realize what it is and my jaw drops.

"Where'd you-"

"-Ssshh. I met a guy in Twilight who knew a guy in Costa. It's..." He shakes his head, "It's amazing. Try it."  
>"I-I don't know..." I hesitate, biting my thumb. With the knowledge I have now, Hiro would kill me if he found out I was seeing Saix again, let alone getting high with him.<p>

What Saix had in his little wooden box was a brick of cocaine. Saran wrap was tightly squeezed around the white powder. He had cut the tiniest slit into it.

...Fuck it.

It's not like it used to be, I can handle it.

I take my key out and scrape a little off the top of the slit. It went down smoothly, nearly no burning sensation. I sit for a few seconds before the warmth began it's journey across my body. Its as though my body was rising from it's deadly rest. Instead of being a zombie, I became the gun slinging killer.

"That's ….damn good." I grin.

"I owe my dealer 40 grand."

"Are you serious? What the fuck are you doing Saix you know how much deep shit you could be in if-"

"-If I don't make a profit? I know." He takes his card and scrapes off a bump for himself. Instantly, his eyes open up and he closes the box. He pulls out a piece of paper and holds his cellphone light over it. "I've done the calculations a thousand times over before I took the deal. We cut it, find regular clientele, and sell it. If everything goes as planned, I'll be able to pay back the debt...and the rest of the profit will be ours for the taking."

"Ours? We? What are you talking about?"  
>"I need a trustful business partner. It's a tough position, but the perks are well worth it. What do you say?"<br>"I don't know," I lean back against the bars with a smile, crossing my arms, "how do I know if you're trustful...you could just be using me as a pawn?"

He chuckles, "Why sit here and insult your own intelligence? It's a simple proposition with a few complex tasks. A bit of strong-arming here and there, nothing we can't both throw eachother under the bus for."

"How much of a cut am I looking at?"  
>"No less than twenty grand, and that's only starting off. Much more is to be made."<p>

_Twenty fucking grand...?_

I used to be a small time dealer, I would make around $500 bucks a month off of weed and coke. I guess I have my foot in the door for this type of business...but I can't.

"I don't think so, Saix." I admit.

"As good as it sounds, I'd rather not send myself back to jail too soon."

He shrugs, "Fair enough. I guess someone has softened ever since the system turned them out..." He stands to his feet and leans over the bars of the bridge, lighting a cigarette.

"Oh Saix don't be sad," I stand next to him, slinging my left arm over his shoulders," If things don't work out, I won't be too long..." I start drawing in this sadness.

The fact that Sora would be leaving soon had me thinking that I won't have much to occupy my free time with.

"If things don't work out? Do you want to help me or not?" He sounds peeved.

"Yes and no...Just...argh..." I rub my temples now, "It's complicated..."

I sensed it coming on soon.

"Your show of reluctance...why?" He asks in his 'Saixy' tone that I had missed so much.

"It's complicated." I say again, lighting a cigarette.

"You're blushing."  
>"I...it's...here." I show him a photo of Sora on my phone. It was taken the night we first got high together, when he took it upon himself to use his shirt as a basket for everything edible in my kitchen. He held two joints in his mouth, was so high his eyes ere bloodshot.<p>

"It's that one kid we used to have class with. What's his name...?"

"Sora." I say.

"Yeah. Since when did you guys hang out? Better yet, since when did he stop being such a prude?"  
>"I don't know. And me..." I say blatantly, rubbing my arm.<p>

"So?"  
>"So?"<br>His brows furrow, "If you're gonna say something, then say it."

"I've...he's moving away soon. So, I'll help you when he's gone."  
>"Why when he leaves?"<br>"Because, I don't have time for it right now."

"Oh. _Ohhhh._ I see. So, you're fucking guys now?"

He laughs, "It's not like I didn't see that coming."

I look down, going through the same embarrassment I went through with Hiro. He looks at me before sitting down again. He pulls out a small baggie and dips a key in it, taking a huge bump this time.  
>"Sit down."<p>

I sit down and take the baggie that he hands to me. Using my own key again, I draw up a huge little mountain before sending it up my passages.

I feel extremely good.

It's that feeling again.

That oh so smooth warmth that tickles me all over.

The numbness takes over my nose and certain parts of my face, but my smile stands strong.

It's like a bunch of tiny orgasms happening at once all over my body.

Again.

And again.

And again.

"You dating him?"  
>"Not yet. Well, I mean, kinda. Pretend. We're on each other when his ex is around, and-and it's just awesome. You remember that asshole with the white hair, Riku? His boyfriend?"<p>

Saix leans in interested, his dark pupils covering the yellow of his eyes.

I tell him everything.

About us.

About Riku.

About this summer.

Anything Saix asked about, I answered.

Rarely does a conversation like this ever take place between me and Saix, but when it does it always seems magical.

"...And now I don't know what to do with it. I think I'm actually going to miss him when he leaves."

"Well, you're high."

I shake my head in disbelief to his response, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
>"He's a virgin, new to the drug scene, leaving to college soon...You're either trying to fuck him or you're just setting yourself up for failure, because he's gonna leave you in the dust."<p>

I prop my arms on my crossed legs, "You too, huh? You and Hiro think he's too good for me."

"I didn't say that."

"Then what are you saying?" I'm getting seriously pissed.

He sighs, tilting his head, "You're a self indulgent asshole. Do you think a virgin wants to get with a nymphomaniac? You'd fuck anything that twitched an inch. You're going to be interested for another month tops, and then he's either gonna fuck you or you're just gonna bail. I wouldn't lie to you, would I?"

I open my mouth, ready to shoot out an insult.

Instead, I hang my head down, "No...But I'm not like that. I don't feel like...that I...ugh _fuck you._"

**-x-**

"So...what's up? It's been a while since we've hung out."

"A lot."

We layed on a blanket in the backyard of her townhouse. The sun is long gone, but her air conditioner busted, so we decided to stay outside while Namine fries on the inside.

"So are you and Axel going out? Riku keeps telling me how he sees you guys all over each other all the time now."  
>I rub my face, "I wish he'd just get a life...of course we're not going out..."<p>

I begin laughing and she knows.

"What is it Sora! Are you going out with him? Oh my god!" She rolls on her stomach excitedly.

"No! I, it's complicated!"

"_Ohhhh_ so what? Tell me!"

"I think he might like me."

Saying it felt so good, but so nerve-racking.

"I don't know...! Well..."

I tell her where we went a while ago and everything we talked about.

What he said.

"He's totally into you!" She comes to life, slapping her palms on the blanket.  
>"How'd you do it? How'd you make him switch?"<br>I roll my eyes.

"Well, you know who you have to invite over sometime, me. And I won't take it lightly if you don't!"

"I will, I will."

**-x-**

"Keep it." Saix hands me the small baggie of coke.

"It's on me. It's the last of pure coke you're going to see in a long time."  
>We walk off of the jungle gym and shake hands.<p>

"Good luck with Sora. Although I don't see you getting far, you're probably going to end up further than most."

I grin, "Thanks!...I think."  
>He yanks the collar on his black sweater and pushes his blue bangs out of his eyes, "This heat is killing me...see you later, Ax."<p>

I watch him disappear out of the park and tuck the coke into my pocket.

"Sweet...lucky m-"

I receive a hit that sends me back a few, knocking me straight on my ass. Blood starts pouring immensely from my nose as my eyes tear up. "What the fuck...?!" I stand up and see that it's Riku.

He holds me by my collar.

"Let go of me." I snarl and he pushes me back.

I stand up slowly, my eyes not leaving his for a second.

**-x-**

"So did you guys kiss?"

"No...but I gave him CPR."

The stars are shining bright tonight. Namine has woken up from her sleep, her music is bumping through the walls.

"Really? Why?"  
>"We were surfing and things didn't go to well on his end."<p>

"So you gave him CPR? Saucy. Saucy saucy. How was that?"  
>"It was rushed. I freaked out and wanted Hiro to do it but he said he didn't know how to. So that put me in a corner."<p>

"Well, what do you expect, you were saving his life!"

"I know...I did it though."

"How was it?"

I tear a blade of grass from the ground and play with it,"He spit up tons of water in my face, and some got in my mouth...but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was _hot._"

We laugh together.

"I don't know what's wrong with me."

**-x-**

It's almost got this nostalgic sweet feel to it.

Like the old days in school.

I've missed out on so much, I can only think as I pull him into a head lock.

"You...stupid...fucking..." I huff and puff, choking him out.

He elbows me and knocks the wind from my stomach, and we once again tumble on the grass.

He delivers one more blow to my jaw, and the shock is immense. I take a second and he pushes off of me, stumbling backwards.

I stand to my feet, determined not to go down again.

"Hey!" I hear someone yell from afar. Riku looks over quickly, but I stand looking at him.

I snatch him by his collar and deliver my blows, no longer holding back.

"Hey! Stop it!"

I don't, Riku is struggling to protect his face. I hear the smacks my punches make when it connects to his face each and every time.

I feel the sick pleasure of power.

**-x-**

"I'm going to miss this place..." We walk back into her small living room. Namine is lounging on the hot pink leather couch with her basketball shorts and a tank top, fanning herself off with a thin book.

"I'm going to miss you!" Kairi cries out.

"Just don't think about it! Hollow Bastion isn't that far from Twilight Town anyways, right?"

"Yeah..._right._" Namine remarks.

"Shut up Debbie." I tell Namine.  
>"Don't call me that, my name is Namine!"<p>

I laugh, strolling over to her side. "Not when you're being a Debbie Downer, _Debbie. _I've been over for about two hours now and you're just waking up. What an asshole you are, sir." I wag my finger at her.

"What? How was I supposed to know, you guys never woke me up." She stretches her small limbs out on the couch, grabbing the remote.

"Clean your room and I'd feel safe enough to walk in it."

"You're one to talk George of the Jungle. Your room is _always_ a fucking mess. A gross boy mess."

I hug Kairi and start out the door.

"Before I go, Namine, I found a _vibrator_ on your floor once."

Her face turns red, "No you didn't."  
>"Yeah, I did. I thought it was the tip of your joystick controller. Bye Kairi!"<p>

**-x-**

"You two!"

It was over now, both of us restrained by two random older men.

"Both of you, get out of here!" They shove us in opposite directions. I look back and see the glare in Rikku's eyes.

"Get going before we call the cops!" They both stood there, shooing us away.

…_.Fuck it._

I flip them all off as I turn away.

I check my pockets for my wallet and cellphone and start walking.

My body aches a little, but it's nothing I can't get up from.

My emotional state is in an uproar.

I should just find out where he lives and fuck Sora right on his porch.

I bet I could do it...

**-x-**

I pull up to Axel's house and before I can get out I get a text from Axel.

"_Pick me up."_

"_What are you talking about, arent you home?"_

"_No, I'm in the highschool parking lot."_

"_What are you doing there?"  
>"...Just pick me up, please."<em>

"_Be there soon..."_

What is he doing at D.H...?

**-x-**

I sat on the parking lot strip at Destiny High school, puffing away at the last, half broken, crumpled cigarette of mine. My blue sweater is stretched and stained with grass. Holes have finally worn there way through the knees of my dark blue tattered jeans and my gray converse are a dusty mess.

_Sneaky fucker..._

This would count the third time me and Riku have ever fought. I think I finally took him for a ride.

...But I wonder how long he had been watching me.

And what the fuck is his problem? What a sucker punch...

Nothing's holding me back from Sora, not even him.

My stubby cigarette comes to an end and I am forced to put it out. I look up out on the main street and see Sora pull in. His head lights are blinding.

_Time to face the music..._

I stand up and dust myself off as I casually walk to Sora's car.

My confidence is shot down as soon as I slide in the car with him. It doesn't take him long to see that I've had a rough night.

"What the fuck happened to you?!"

I lean my head against the window, "Can we go get cigarettes?"

"A-"  
>"-I'm fine. Just, take me to a market where I can buy cigarettes." I try not to sound disgruntled. He sighs, "Yeah, sure."<p>

I squeezed the white upholstery of his seats.

**-x-**

My awesome reign looks to have come to an end.

A permanent frown.

Much bleaker colors.

Nearly no feeling.

Sora decided to wait in the car. I don't blame him.

My cocaine high has ran itself straight into the ground and I am zombified more than ever, As I stand in line at the customer service, it seems like people just can't keep their fucking eyes off me.

The sound of unruly children, shopping carts, and repetitive beeps makes me want to blow my fucking brains out.

I just want my fucking cigarettes.

As my turn came up I threw the money and my I.D on the counter. "Reds. Long."

She looked at me, bewildered.

"Are you okay...? Do you need help?"

I stare at her with obvious discontent.

_Oh._

_My._

_Fucking._

_God._

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Just give me my fucking cigarettes, _Angela."_

**-x-**

Axel is something pissed. I still have no clue what it is that happened as we walk into the living room of his house.

"I'm going to take a shower." He says. He starts to walk away from me toward the staircase.

"Wait! Tell me what happened." I say to him. He stops dead in his tracks.

"Axel, you have blood all over your face...and clothes..." I said silently. He sighs loudly before turning around. He sits on his couch and invites me over.

"Your ex sucker punched me in the face."

**-x-**

Sora bites the bottom of his lip and held his face. I didn't expect such a strong reaction.

"I'm...sorry."  
>"That's <em>exactly <em> what I didn't want to hear." I throw my head back onto the couch.

"Nothing's your fault, your ex is just a crazy fucking bastard. Kid has some issues..."  
>I go to light up another cigarette and I feel his hand weigh down on my forearm.<p>

He looks up bashfully, "You've smoked six of those since you bought 'em..."

No matter how pissed I am, I can't get mad at him.

"Are you hurt?"

"No! Of course not!" It's a little white lie.

"You've got blood all over your face..." He repeats sadly.

"It's...fine." I see his hand resting on the couch and I hesitate to hold it at first. I look away as my hand grabs a hold of his.

"I'm...fine, I just went to the park to see an old friend of mine. Once he left Riku sucker punched me and we fought until two guys broke us up. I'm bleeding because I have a sensitive nose...it's not like he got _that _many lucky shots on me..."

Sora sighs, "I'm s-"  
>"-I don't want to here it!" I stand up and rush to the stairs. Something stops me, and I look over the staircase to Sora.<p>

His body is still on the couch, and I can't bring myself to leave him.

I walk downstairs and grab his hand, leading him slowly back up the stairs with me this time.

**-x-**

Axel reclines against the bed next to me on the floor. He's showered off, and only has one scar on his face present from when Hiro hit him. His nose looked a bit swollen, as well as his jaw. His body is a different story. Red marks surrounded his neck and collar bone. It looks like Riku threw him around a bit. He frowns, "Stop looking at me with that sad dopey face Sora."

He ruffles my hair.

"I can't help but feel like this is my fault."

"_I can't help but blah blah blah. _This isn't your problem, and it isn't mine. It's Riku's. Don't be a broken record Sora, it was just a fight."

I sigh and stand up to kick my shoes off.

"I don't know...I guess I'm sorry for his actions..."

I knew I shouldn't have said it. He breathes out before pulling on a clean shirt. He leaves the room without saying anything, slamming the door.

_Sora...Why would you say something so stupid?_

Palm to the face.

Do I go after him? Do I say sorry?

_Better not..._

**-x-**

_I'm not mad, I'm just annoyed._

_I mean..._

_Why the fuck does he care about that asshole so much?_

I sat at the top of the staircase, staring off into nothing. I'm...

I hear a door open and close.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." I snap.

"Geez...what's wrong with you? You look like crap." He sits down next to me. "Just mind your own business, Hiro."  
>"I can help." He says innocently, batting his eyelashes.<p>

"Riku sucker punched me at the fucking park. We got in a fight and then some guys broke it up. Come to tell Sora in there and all he can say is how it's _his _fault or that he's _sorry for his actions..."_

I shake my head, "Pshh...I don't fucking get it."

"Well, stop being an asshole."  
>"I'm getting' <em>real <em>tired of hearing that..."  
>"You've never been in love, you don't know what it's like."<br>"And you do?"  
>"Yeah, and it fucking sucks. And if you start acting like he's supposed to be all happy and thankful that you're around, he's going to fucking leave you. He's gonna leave you before he even got a chance to hook up with you because you're too pushy. You're expecting <em>waaay<em> too much from him. Just some brotherly advice you can think about before you go back in there." He pats me on the shoulder and leaves.

-x-

When I enter the room again, the lights have been turned off. I could see a lump under the blankets on my bed.

_Guess I have been an asshole lately..._

I crawl into bed next to him and turn my back away from him.

Cuddling him didn't feel right...tonight.

So I layed there, my hands on my own stomach.

_I like you a lot...Sora._


	10. Chapter 10

**–**

_The smack of his lips keep me coming back. There we lied entangled in each others arms._

"_Sora..." I moan out through our kisses. I'm fast to push up his red shirt. I trace my fingers over his perfect chest for the first time. His nipples prod out slowly with each stroke. His eyes are only slits as he moans and groans under my touch._

_He opens his eyes and smiles at me, "Axeeel..."_

_I can't hold back, and I go for the buttons on his pants. "Sit up a little..."  
>He does as told and I'm able to slide his black shorts off his small frame. I see his dick, beating hard beneath his boxer briefs.<em>

_"You know what to do." He purrs out, licking his lips._

**–**

_...Cold..._

I toss and turn to try to retain warmth this morning, but nothing works. The air conditioner must be on.

I turn over to my left and throw my arm over Axel's chest. I try to fall back to sleep but I just can't.

He's stirs a bit here and there.

_Wonder what he's dreamin' of._

His eyes snap open and he looks confused for a second.

"Morning."  
>"...Morning?"<p>

"Yeah...What's wrong-"  
>"-Nothing I gotta go to the bathroom." Axel stands up and rips the blanket from the bed.<p>

"Hey!" I lunge over the bed and grab the bottom of the blanket he tried to make away with. "Soraaaa!" He whines.  
>"What are you doing? I'm cold too you know!" I'm hanging off of the bed, shivering in just a pair of shorts with my fingers clawed onto the blanket.<p>

He looks back and only sighs.

I grip the blanket tight and tug with all my might, hitting the wall with my head, yes.

But I also have the blanket back.

Axel layed against the door and the floor, "Ow..."

I see one thing once I look at Axel again.

His massive morning wood, begging for a way out of those shorts.

My heart begins beating and...I don't know.

I couldn't stop staring.

Axel grabs himself hard, embarrassed. But his hand is no where near hiding his morning wood.  
>He stands up and marches over, ripping the blanket out of my hands again.<p>

"Give me that!" His voice squeaks a little and he takes the blanket from me again. His cheeks are bright pink as he leaves me alone in the room.

I feel moisture on my arm and smell it.

_Precum...?_

I gasp, blushing wildly.

His image is forever ingrained in my memories.

**-x-**

_I can't believe he saw that I can't believe_

_FUCK._

I almost feel like the kid who got pantsed in the middle of recess.

Running from all the laughter.

I head to the second bathroom downstairs and lock the door behind me.

I turn on the lights and open up the blanket. And just like I had thought, I had came in my sleep.

One huge wet spot dampened the side I had slept with.

_If I came then why am I so hard still...?_

Damn.

I'm in between a rock and a hard spot.

I wish I had grabbed an extra pair of shorts.

I drop my cum soaked shorts and jump into the shower. The hot water aggravates my erected shaft and I give in as quickly.

I suck air through my teeth as I wrap my hand around my hard shaft.

"Sora..." I moan out. I can imagine his small figure from the dream perfectly. I squeeze harder, pumping a little faster as I leaned against the wall of the shower.

"Sora..."

**-x-**

**August**

The weeks are moving by faster. I feel sick to my stomach, as I'm getting more attached to Axel. I feel myself more inclined to...start over.

"Here, I wanna give you something."

He calls from the railings upstairs.

His room's a mess again, clothes and shoes strewn across his floor. The closet door stayed propped open because of the massive about of crap falling out of it. He claws through the closet's mess, his thin frame layed on top of the mess.

"Whatcha looking for?" I move aside some clothes on the bed and sit down.

He pushes himself off of the mess and opens a small black box.

"Here." He hands the black box and I open it again.

"Sticks?"  
>"No, look at them."<p>

I pull them out and read the "winner" on the ends of em.

"I collected those when I lived in Twilight Town for a little while. Get something cool when you go there."

I gripped the sticks tight, before setting them down in the box again.

We stood across from each other, with nothing to speak.

But I could feel the tense feelings set in.

"Thank you." I say before I forget. He only nods.

"I better go help Hiro do the dishes now."

"Hey wait!"  
>Axel stops and looks back, raising a brow, "Huh?"<br>"I...well, what do you want?" I ask sheepishly.

"What do I want?"  
>"You're the one who did the work...what do you want?"<br>He smiles, "You'll probably know once you get there."

He leaves me alone in the room. My emotions are taking a bit of a beating here.

I'm either way too happy.

...Or sad.

It's maddening.

My phone vibrates as I'm stroking the popsicle sticks.

"Hello?"  
>"Can you come home? Like, stat?"<br>"What for?"

I here my mother screaming in the background at Donny.

Roxas sighs, "He's trying to set up."  
>"Are you kidding me?" I pull on a jacket and rush down the stairs.<p>

"Hey Ax I'll be back!" I shout before closing the front doors.

I speed over to my house and open the front door. Roxas is standing in front of the basement door past the kitchen, blocking the entrance to the basement.

Donny and my mother argued in the kitchen.

"I don't want that crap in my house again, don't you understand!"  
>"I don't see anyone else making any fucking money around here to help! Your sons are lazy worthless pieces of shit who don't know work!" He barked in her face. My fists shake from the site.<p>

I can't do anything but watch.

What good is my word for? As far as I'm concerned, I'm just the punching bag in this equation.

"You can't start setting up shop here again because mom already paid to clean your shit out!" Roxas breaks.

"Don't you fucking mouth me Roxas, you're still a kid."

"More of a man than _you!_"

Roxas pushes himself up against the door as Donny closed in on him. I made quick to step in between them.

"Move, both of you!"

"Do you wanna go to jail?" I shout, standing strong in front of Roxas.

He plants his two palms on my shoulders, attempting to pull me aside. I push him away from Roxas, "You better stop..."

I continue to push him into the living room.

I feel him try to knock me off my feet and I take that as a cue.

"Stop!" I twist around and grab his neck, putting him under my arm in a chock hold. He tries to swing over but instead I throw him over on the floor.

"Sora let him go!" My mom screams but I ignore her cries.

He clocks me on the side of the face, and I only squeeze harder.

Think of killing him.

"SORA!" I feel her tug the back of my shirt and I let go of Donny.

A heaving, coughing, red mess.

"Sora..."She starts crying, dropping to Donny's side. I stand over them both, gritting my teeth.

"Are you stupid!?" I erupt. She doesn't answer me.

I look over to Roxas now, who isn't doing any better than I. He's crying, "What'd I tell you!?"

His voice is cracking as he holds back, "...See? She's...she's fuckin' stupid!"  
>He jolts out of the kitchen and up the stairs. "I'm coming back...and when I do, there better not be any fucking meth lab in the basement...you hear me mom?!"<p>

I shout, grabbing my car keys off of the coffee table.

"Yes Sora...!" She sobs, not making any eye contact with me. Her long brown hair hung free past her frail shoulders, hiding Donny's face. I stand there, almost waiting for an apology.

I hear her soft whispers to him.

"You need help...you need to stop..."

I know better than that.

I run out of my house and jump into my car.

Hateful blue eyes stare me down through my rear view mirror before I skid out.

This is my hell.

**-x-**

"Dry. Dry. Dry."  
>"You don't have to tell me that, I know I'm supposed to dry the dishes when you hand them to me, Hiro..." I mutter in annoyance.<p>

I hear the front door open and slam. I wait for him to enter the kitchen. Moments pass and he doesn't come in.

"Huh, must've been Sora."  
>"Dry."<br>"You're on your own now." I say, dropping the white rag on the already dried dishes.

"Wait!"

I disregard Hiro and climb up the stairs to my room.

"Hey Sora where'd ya go..."

Sora's sitting criss-cross on my bed, packing what looked to be his bags.

"What are you doing?"

His hair flies as his head snaps up from it's folding trance. His eyes are red and teary, a red mark on the side of his mouth.

"What the hell happened to you!?" I growl, rushing to his side. He looks away.

"Sora." I say sternly, grabbing the side of his face. It looks like someone took a swing on him.

"I'm fine!"

"What happened!?" I demand, letting go.

"I-I-I have to move back home, Axel...!" He couldn't even finish his sentence before his tears broke loss.

He falls to his side and curls up in a ball, sobbing strongly.

"What...happened?" I ask softly this time around. I move his bag and clothing aside and pull him up. His eyes spell helpless.

"Donny's back...I can't leave Roxas there..."

"Sora...did your dad-"

"-You mean Donny!" He cuts me off quick.

"Yeah he hit me, I didn't want him touching Roxas or the basement door, so of course he hit me!" He chokes out.

He nearly crumples on the bed again, though this time I catch him in my arms. I try to sooth his sobbing as he clawed onto my shoulders like a child.

_Sora..._

**-x-**

The last of my things are packed away in the two gym bags I first brought.

Axel sat next to me on the bunk bed, holding my hand in his.

We stared at the bags on the floor.

We've been this way for an hour now, not ready.

Nowhere near ready to leave eachother like this.

Roxas has messaged me a hundred times over, but I don't have the guts to read the messages.

"You'll come to visit me sometime...right?"

"Yeah. You can come to visit too...When Donny isn't home."  
>"Why when he's not home?"<br>"I'm...not allowed to have guys over." I tell him.

He helps me with my bags to my car. "Hey where are you guys going?"  
>"I'm going home." I tell Hiro as we walk down the steps.<p>

I open my trunk and Axel sets my bags in carefully.

"So..."  
>"So..."<p>

I could hear the leaves gently blowing in the wind on the surrounding trees. The sounds of the ocean was still clear.

The skies were pink as the sun was setting. His red hair rustles lightly in the wind.

I can't read him.

"I'll...call you."

"Yeah. I..want to see you again soon. If that's not..." He shrugs awkwardly," If that's not too bad with you?"

I smile, "No problem."

We gaze at eachother as the skies darkened. I nervously step closer to him and gently hold onto the tips of his fingers.

"Thank you." I give Axel a peck on the cheek.

He smirks, a red streak coming along finely across his cheeks.

"Don't forget to call!" He waves as I pull away from the curb. I see him waving me goodbye through my rear view mirror.

**-x-**

I leave my hands in my pocket as his blue ride drives away.

Leaving me in the dust.

_No..._

It was already unnerving, his absence. I drag myself to the top of the stairs.

"Hey where'd Sora go?" Hiro looks up from his cellphone again.

"Home." I respond, depressed. I drag my lifeless presence all the way to my room again.  
>A little less messy.<p>

A little less happy.

A...A little less like heaven. God I sound like a tool.

_Was I...left in the dust?_

Later on I am nothing but a drained skeleton. Hiro and Pence were playing the system, smoking up a cloud.

"Hey Ax, why you being so depressed come down and hang." Pence calls out.

"No..." I turn towards the wall on top of Hiro's bed.

"He's just sad because Sora had to move back home...No big deal." I hear the phlegm in Hiro's throat loosed as he coughs up smoke.

"Oh is that so?"  
>"Yeah. Sora's dad had a rager or something."<p>

"I know. His dad kicked me out an hour ago 'cus we weren't supposed to be smoking in the house. He was screaming in Roxas' face when I left..."

I can almost see Pence shaking his head, "Wouldn't want to be on the other side of that guys face."

I pull the pillow over my ears to block out their conversation, but it doesn't work.

**-x-**

I ready myself for bed in the dark bare room of mine. All alone, I don't know where to turn to now.

Who to turn to...

_Enough..._

I take off my shirt and skip taking my shorts and socks off. I crawl under my sheets to try to sleep.

**-x-**

I rise from my dead position and make a loud thud as I jump from the bed.

"I'm goin' to Sora's." I announce to the world.

"What?!" Hiro and Pence ask in unison. I throw on my black and green flannel over my back t-shirt.

"Pence, what's the deal on his old man? Sora's got his own room or what?"

"Axel you can't be serious, that dude'll blow your head off if you say you're there for Sora." Hiro states seriously.

I shrug, "Who says that I'll be talking to his dad? I only need to talk to Sora."

I look up after putting on my shoes. Hiro sighs loudly, "Oh shit he's really gonna do it."

**-x-**

I can't sleep, instead I'm wiping away annoying tears that are falling from my eyes.

"Why can't...I...s-stop!?" I cry out to myself.

_You're all alone now, Sora..._

I grow achy as my body tenses over and over again.

Damn Donny.

Damn my mother and my father.

_Damn them all..._

"Fuck!"

I flip to my stomach and grab the remote to my t.v, hidden under the bed.

I turn on the television and it's on the news.

More wars, more killing.

More kidnapping going on in other parts of the world.

Is it just me going to shit, or is it the rest of the world as well?

I sigh, closing my eyes.

**-x-**

"I don't know if you should do this."

"Too late."  
>Pence peeks behind Hiro, "You know, if Donny catches you on his property he has full right to blow your effing knee caps off, right?"<br>I kick my old board up, "Well, then I'll just have to be happy with my blown off knee caps, right?"

"No!" They both go, but I shake my head and laugh.

"You're stupid."

"Don't do it Ax."

I run off the steps and onto the sidewalk, jumping on my board, "Don't tell me what to do!"

I skate fast down the streets of Destiny.

Right.

Left.

And then another right.

Over the small bridge.

Kids played outside as the street lights start turning on. I get a few honks as I rode fast past some oncoming cars.

When he kissed me...he was so...soft.

It's a stretch, but I have to try.

I _have _to.

I get off my board and kick up sand as I jog the rest of the way to Sora's house. I can barely make out a light in his house, and his car is parked right out front.

Once I reach the brown fence bordering his side yard I come to a stand still. The air is cool tonight. I look around the neighborhood and don't see anyone, so I jump over his fence into his yard.

_Where is it where is it..._

I look and it doesn't take me long to spot the garden ladder in between Roxas' and Sora's room. I could hear the thrash music coming from Roxas' room, him screaming along to the lyrics.

Sora's room is dark, his yellow curtains closed.

I quietly walk over and notice from the bright moonlight that there's fucking rose vines with pointy thorns wrapped all around the garden ladder.

I look up behind me at the moon, and all of those little shiny dots we call stars.

Little clouds started to take the skies over, just barely. I drop my board.

I want to share this night with you, Sora.

"Ah...!" I start to climb the garden ladder. I felt my skin popping with each advancement. The ladder feels rickety as I reach the top.

But, I'm already up here so...

I knock on his window a few times and sit steady. Roxas music is still going, and I wonder if Sora can hear me through it.

My palms start beating from the sharp pricks reentering my skin every time I budge.

I knock a little louder this time.

I focus hard on his window, hoping to see movement beyond the curtain.

After a few more moments, it's clear that he's not coming.

Stupid...stupid Axel.

I climb down a few feet before I hear a latch.

"Sora!"  
>His window opens outward, and his curtains push aside. His hands grip the ledge of the window and he looks out, dazed. His necklace hanging over his bare neck.<p>

"Sora!" I call out to him.

He looks down, alarmed, "Axel! Come!"

I climb fast and he pulls me through his window. I tumble over his bed and land on the floor hard. "Shhh!" He looks outside his window before closing it. He rushes over to his bedroom door and locks it.

I stand up and look around his room. A lot of boxes were packed up to the left towards his closet. Clothes were shoved off to the side and falling out of his dresser. He turns on a small desk lamp.

"What are you doing here? How'd you know how to get to my room?" He asks quietly, crossing his arms over his chest and hunching over.

He sits next to me. I freeze, unable to answer him.

What am I suppose to say exactly?

All I can hear is the thrash music banging through the walls and floors. My palms start to sweat and I notice Sora smiling at me now.

"Well, what is it? Spit it out." He grins.

I focus on the shine of his silver crown necklace before slowly switching my gaze up to his eyes.

"Sora I..."

I fall back on his bed and gaze at the ceiling now. "You know how you're leaving by next month?" I ask softly, resting one hand on my stomach and another behind my back.

He lays next to me, "Yeah."  
>"I...It feels like we both wasted this summer a little bit. Like, we would've spent it better if we didn't try so hard to fool ourselves." I admit softly.<p>

Soon the honest truth start coming from my lips, and I can't stop.

"I like you a lot, Sora. Sometimes I wish that we had taken Riku out of the equation...heh, guess it's my fault since I've waited so long."  
>"What...are you talking about?"<br>"I know you're only here for one more month, but I thought...maybe you'd wanna...I don't know, be my boyfriend?"

There, I said it.

"...I...yes."

I look over and all I can see is the back of his head. He turns to look at me, eyes gleaming.

"I mean, you really actually...like me?" He asks, pushing his two pointer fingers together, looking to the ceiling now.  
>"For a long time now. I wouldn't have done have the shit I did with you if I didn't like you."<p>

He starts giggling and it makes me giggle a little. I scoot closer to Sora so our shoulders are touching. We hold each others hands and gaze at each other, our foreheads touching.

Soon, our lips are touching, kissing, smacking. Sora's kisses become more passionate. He swings his leg over my hips and I pull him closer.

We can't stop, our lips don't leave each other for more than a second. I let my fingers brush through his thick hairs and he does the same.

As my left hand holds onto his face, my right hand slowly leaves his hair, traveling down the nook of his hand and over his arm. I squeeze his waist, pulling away for a second.

Just to see, those beautiful eyes...

There's no where I'd rather be than here.


	11. Chapter 11

The guilt is killing me almost as much as the feeling of joy.

Over stimulation prevents me from sleeping again.

My lips have been dried, Axel sucked the moisture out of me last night.

I look around, still hearing the steadfast thrash of Roxas' music through the wall.

"SUGAAAA!" I hear him shout through the walls. I stand up and bang on the wall as if I'm a cop.

"Roxas shut up!"  
>"FUCK YOU!"<p>

I don't know if he's yelling it to me or if he's just singing along.

I sigh, leaning my head up against the vibrating wall for a second.

Too tired to bother, I head back to bed.

**-x-**

"You can't get into that level without lighting the two candles..."

_Who's...outside my door?_

"Because I tried already, fucker. Everyone's tried... You can't and you're just going to waste everyone's time and get kicked out...If you stay over tonight to play live you can't pull that bullshit, or else I'll make you sleep in the tub..._Because..._Hold on."

I hear my door pop open. Roxas stands there with a bewildered look on his face once he discovers that I'm in bed with Axel.

"...What are you doing?"  
>"Ah?" I blush, sitting up on my bed. He raises a brow, "<em>Ahhh? Ahhhhaaaaa..."<em>

He starts laughing and I shush him.

"Get out of my room."

"I need the controller."  
>I nod my head towards my desk next to the door, "Third draw down."<br>"So...You finally got over Riku. That's good." He smiles before closing my door silently.

"Your brother must be a real pain in the ass, eh...?" Axel rises behind me.

**-x-**

"So...this is your place. Not bad..." I pick up photos off Sora's dresser and observe them. Sora pulls his sleeveless jacket over his white shirt.

"I'll be back. If you hear Donny, hide."  
>He leaves and I continue looking through his stuff. His top dresser is cluttered with pictures of him, Kairi, Namine, Roxas and Hayner along with random little nick-nacks.<p>

I lay back on his bed, hearing the growing sound of voices. I hear steps rushing towards the door and jump up.

Sora rushes back in the room, "Did you leave something outside last night?"

Hm.

Hmm...

Oh..._oh..._

"Yeah, my skateboard. Why?"

"Donny found it. A-And he's going to start checking rooms." He rubbed his hands nervously, spinning around in a circle as though he was trying to come up with ideas. I could hear his step dad stomping about downstairs, yelling obscenities loud and clear now. "..._Fuck." _He becomes stressed, tugging at his hair. He leaves for a second and comes back.

"Follow me."

We leave the safety of his room and enter Roxas' room.

"Roxas has a lock in here, so just hang out until you hear one of us knock."

Before Sora could say anymore, he hears his step dad walking up the stairs and darts out of the room.

_Holy shit...all over a skateboard?_

I hear Sora and his step dad talking, but I can't tell what they're saying.

I look around Roxas' room.

He's just as messy as Sora...maybe a little more. Clothes surround every inch of his floor except the three bubbles of space that surrounded his system and two bean bag chairs.

Kid needs a better fucking hobby.

Before I could snoop around in Roxas' more, I hear just what monster Sora's so afraid of.

"Who the fuck has been in my house Sora?" I hear his deep voice shout and it nearly shakes the structure.

"We're trying to tell you..." I can hear Roxas and Sora both talking at the same time.

"Roxas you got somethin' to do with this?"  
>"To do with what?!"<p>

I press my ear up against the wall and hear: "I'm gonna check your fucking room next. If anyone's in there I'm blowing their fucking heart out of their chest."

I hear shuffling and tiny knocks against the wall.

"Why is he freaking...?"

And then I remember what Sora told me:

_I'm...not allowed to have guys over._

A sign to get the fuck out of here? I think so.

….Where the fuck is the window?

I head across the room and open the window wide enough to crawl through. I look out and realize it's in the middle of the day. The chances of being seen by neighbors are high, but I have no choice. I look around for the garden ladder to climb down, but then realize I'm in Roxas' room.

_Shit...shiiiiiit..._

A bit panicky now that the reality of having my heart blown out of my chest is close. I look around for a way down, but hear sudden banging on the door.

_Not today, old fart._

I take a leap of faith out of the second story window and land on my back, _painfully._

"Agh...!"

No time to whine though, I've gotta get up. I sit up and realize that Sora's mom is staring at me through her backdoor. She slides the glass door open and grabs my hand, helping me up. Without letting go, she leads me inside again.

"I don't know what you're doing falling out of my sons window, but I'll get you out of this this one time if you promise me that you'll be a lil more careful and cover your tracks from now on, alright?"  
>"As long as I get to keep my heart."<br>"Did you leave anything?"  
>"My board. And my shoes."<br>"Your board..." She trails off and looks towards the front door. I look over and see what had become of it, an axed up mess.

"I can manage your shoes for you though!" Her eyes brighten and she jogs up the stairs. My heart is beating out of my chest and honestly, I just want to go home.

I see my shoes get thrown over the railings of the stairs and grab them before slipping out the front door.

**-x-**

I limp all the way home, certain that I had broken my back somehow. When I open the front door all I can smell is weed and stale alcohol. Hiro and Pence are smoking sure enough, and they seem like they have a lot of questions to ask me.

"_Oh leave me alone..._" I start, kicking my shoes off by the door..

"What happened?"  
>"What the fuck happened to you, looks like someone choked you out."<p>

"Did you guys fuck?"

They start laughing. I head up and sandwich in between them on the couch. They're watching some classic martial arts movies, the ones you can't help but laugh at.

They pass me the joint they're smoking and I take a drag, before helping myself to a cigarette in a pack on the coffee table.

Hiro takes a huge whiff of me, "I smell rejection. What's your tale you fucking loser?"  
>I smile, "Fuck you, loser."<br>"Ohhh, looks like you owe me Hiro. I knew he could do it."

"Always making me lose money, huh Ax..." Hiro leans against the arm of the couch.

"I can't believe you bitches have been betting on me." I snatch the cigarettes off the coffee table slyly and pull my phone out.

"Axel's got a boyfriend!" Pence sings out as I jog up the stairs and I can't help but smile.

I do.

**-x-**

Everyday of this month has been filled with kisses. I can't help but grow closer to Axel but it's...

When I wake up and look at the calender, I'm faced with the fact that I'm one day closer to leaving him.

But everyday I feel less depressed, like he's helping me make my big come back before I go.

Hiro's hosting a poker night at his place and the whole gang is going.

I'm laying back on Roxas' bed as he's packing his games in his backpack. "So, you thought of what you're gonna do when you leave?"  
>"Yeah, I'm gonna hopefully get a job."<br>"I mean with Axel."  
>"Oh...not really, just taking the days as they come by."<p>

"Word of the wise: Don't do long distance relationships. They fuck your whole mojo."  
>"What do you know about mojo?"<br>"I dated this girl I met online when I was fourteen. She was the _coolest_ chick I ever met, way cooler than Namine. But the long distance just wasn't working out. Missed calls, arguing over the phone...blech. Turned a beautiful thing into a pile a shit. Wouldn't have happened if we didn't live on two ends of the globe."  
>"Cooler than Namine? I don't believe it, you'd drink Namine's bathwater..." I walk to his bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror, bored.<p>

"I never thought you'd touch anyone other than Riku, yet there you are, sneaking Axel into your room every week. Donny nearly got some free target practice."

After the first incident of nearly being found out, Axel has been ten times more careful sneaking into my room.  
>"...Good point."<p>

"What do you guys do anyways? Slap penises or something? You know that's not how you lose your virginity, right? One of you's gotta take it up the butt."

"Hey!"

Roxas starts laughing.

"Sora, Roxas, your friends are here!"

Roxas throws his backpack over his shoulders and we're out the door.

"See you later mom."  
>"Bye. Have fun and drive safe."<br>"Okay."

"Wait!" We stop at the door way.  
>"Roxas, I don't want to see you coming back here drunk, you understand?"<p>

"Yeah yeah yeah I know what I'm doing..." He walks past me out the front door. Mom looks slightly irritated by his behavior, combing her hair repetitively with her small fingers.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of him."

She rolls her eyes, "Oh _please. _You can't take care of a drunk guy if you're drunk yourself, _guy._ Huh?" She stands up and ruffles my hair.

"You're eighteen now, but you're still a damn teenager. And _teenagers aren't allowed to drink. It's illegal._ So be careful with whatever you decide to do, and don't let your fucking brother drink. Love you. Go on, your friends are waiting." She kisses me on the cheek and I head out.

**-x-**

Hiro begins cutting the deck of cards as we all gathered in the dinning room.

"This should be good." Axel snickers, leaning back in his seat.

I want to ask what he means by that, but then Hiro speaks up.

""So, before we get into this, do any of you guys know how to play poker?" Hiro asks.  
>"You don't know how to play poker?" Roxas asks.<p>

"No, I thought one of you guys knew."

"I _kinda_ know the rules." Pence says.  
>"Why would you call us over for poker night...if you didn't know how to play poker." Kairi pinches the bridge of her nose.<p>

"I see now." I tell Axel. We start watching the seen unfold.

"Why the hell would you guys come over for poker night if you didn't know how to play!?"

Hiro starts to laugh maniacally.

"Hiro it's not funny!" Kairi slams her fist onto the table, shaking the soda in our plastic red cups.

Roxas starts tearing into the snacks, and Pence joins him a second later.

Kairi and Hiro begin to bicker and Namine stands up and hovers over him at the head of the table.

"Move." She pushes him from the chair and takes the cards, "Now I'm only gonna teach you suckers the rules once. I came here to win material possessions and clean house."

**-x-**

I can only focus on what Namine's saying every now and then.

All I can hear is Sora.

He's not saying anything, but he's calling me over.

Sora sits with the deck of cards in his hands, obviously confused and most likely bored by Namine's boring explanation.

"So, what am I supposed to do if I got nothing?" Hiro asks.

"You fold."

"...Fold?"

She leans back, sighing, "Lose."  
>"I hate poker!" He flings a card straight at Namine's forehead.<p>

"You asshole!" She erupts.  
>"I'm taking the throne back." Hiro holds his nose high.<p>

I turn to Sora, "Football?"

"Football."

We align our own cards under the tips of our fingers, and ensue in a football flicking contest.

His card flies over Pence's head, while mine lamely falls into Roxas' soda.

He grins, "Suck it, loser."

I glare, grabbing another card and flinging it oddly into Namine's eye.

"Shit I'm sor-"

"AXEL!" She _shrieks _as she drops her cards and holds her eye. I laugh out of fear.

**-x-**

After we got all of the sugar rush out we settled down and decided that a simple game of 21 would be better.

"Are you guys going to Castaway this year?"Kairi asks.  
>"I'm going!" Hiro replies.<p>

"Castaway?" I inquire.

"We go to the abandoned island and party." Namine says.

"That place..." Axel grumbles.

"You've been?"

The island Kairi talks about is the last of the Destiny Islands. Tsunami's kept making the smallest of the islands disappear, so Kairi's father (the mayor) ordered the last few hundred of residents to evacuate. The island hasn't been inhabited since.

Except for the last week of every summer, where everyone goes there and gets trashed. I haven't been, but Kairi and Namine never ceased to tell me the craziest of stories-even when I was straight-edge.

"It's only so much fun until you're hungover for the last half of the week. Then it's just shit."

"That's only because Axel doesn't know how to pace himself." Hiro snickers, placing his palms against the tables, "Axel just doesn't want to embarrass himself. "  
>"Shut up."<p>

"Alright then," Hiro pushes himself back on the dining chair, "We'll see in three weeks. Hope you can sit easy in the Mayor's yacht."

"The mayors yacht?" Pence and Roxas jump up.

"You guys go in the mayors yacht? Why didn't you tell me?" I ask her.

I want to ride the mayors yacht. I'm making this reality.

"It's not my dad's yacht! It's just an ordinary boat with rooms."

Axel scoffs, "Yeah, a _yacht_."

She sighs, "You guys want to come or not?"  
>"Yeah I want to ride in a yacht!" Roxas shouts.<p>

**-x-**

I stayed behind after everyone else-other than Roxas-went home to help Axel clean up. Roxas decided to wait in the car and pass out for a while instead of helping out, like a douche bag.

Cards were scattered on the white and silver checkered linoleum floor from when Hiro lost the last game of goldfish. Candy bags and soda layed half emptied on the wooden table. Axel brings in a large garbage bag and I start throwing cans and wrappers away.

I can't get the thought of Castaway out of my mind.

Or maybe the thought of riding in the Mayors yacht.

How did Kairi even convince her father to let her use it?

"Something on your mind?" Axel interrupts my trail of thought. He plants his hands on both sides of me on the table and smiles.

"Have you been to Castaway?"  
>"Yeah." He says unenthusiastically.<p>

"What really? What happened? When?"

He sighs,"Oh, you don't want to know."  
>"Yeah I do!"<p>

"Too bad," He sticks his tongue out and I take a bite.

"Ow!"

"Tell me!"

"Yeah, I went." He steals a kiss from me this time, pressing into my body until I was sitting on the table.

"I nearly died."

"From what?"  
>He chuckles, "Tell you what, how about you make up your own experience when we get there?"<br>"Why won't you tell me?"  
>He sighs, "Me and my brother went there with a friend and did a bunch of drugs while he took care of us. The week was over and we came back home. There."<br>He smiles and pushes himself off of me, continuing the dumping of half emptied soda cans.

"Well, you're gonna have to tell me more than that sooner or later..."I jump off the table and start picking up the cards. I see Axels shoes soon, and he extends his hand out. "Come on."

"What?"  
>"It's not our mess anyways, Hiro's just a sore loser." I take his hand and we go out into the quiet living room. He pulls me down on him once we reach the couch and wraps his arms around my waist. I relax against his body.<p>

"It was a nightmare." He admits.

"I went there with my brother and some kid I knew on a small boat. I got really sick on the ride over there, and by the time we got there I was passed out. When I woke up, Hiro shoved a bunch of booze and hash in my face, and from then on out I was wasted."

Axel closes his eyes slowly, "I woke up in a ditch with...ugh..." He shivers," Larxene, after the first night. I was pretty pissed, because I told Demyx that he could come if he'd be a good babysitter and he failed like an asshole in less than 48 hours. So for that whole week I was drunk, high, and I had to deal with this girl I actually wanted nothing to do with. By the time it was over I felt so fried out, like the guy you cross the street from just to avoid. Hiro wasn't any better. Hiro and I were so hung over we debated going to the hospital until our mom found out and made us deal with it at home. Third day at home, Larxene managed to find out where I lived, so, being the retarded stupid fuck I am, I said 'yeah I'll go out with you!' and dealt with her for, oh, I don't know, a good chunk of my life I could've used doing anything else. _Anything else._"

He lets out a huge sigh, "What a mistake..."

"I'd say so..." I let out.

He laughs  
>"Well, this time'll be better." I offer up.<em> "You actually want to go there still?"<em>  
>"Why not? It's my last summer here, I want to do <em>something."<em>

"You still wanna come?"

I wait for him.

"Fine, lets go hitch a ride on the Mayors yacht."

Yay!

Axel holds my face and kisses me again, his tongue seamlessly gliding across mine. I kiss him back, a bit shy of myself.

I don't know why.

He flips me on my back, embracing me more and more as he dives into me. His hands grip around my waist harder, and I can barely breath as I keep up. He takes a quick breath, smiling at me and I-I start to lose myself. His green eyes have stricken me.

I feel myself getting harder, and the air around me is just heated. I'm red, I know I am. But his lips, his eyes, his fiery presents engulfs me and it feels as though I'm...

He's gotten further with me than Riku ever has, at least on the physical aspect of sides.

Riku has embraced me, but I've never been under anyone like this...ever.

This is...a first.

And, I don't know whether I should be feeling guilty or not...

Then, it happens.

My hands...they start to burn and I can't shake the feeling...

I'm starting to panic.

"Axel..." I break our kisses. "What?"  
>"My brother's waiting in the car for me..."I say. I see the disappointment in his face...<p>

He doesn't know.

"Alright," He rests his forehead against my face, smiling, "You're so great."

**-x-**

"Call me when you get home, or else I'm gonna have to sneak over."

"Well, don't leave any tracks."  
>We share a laugh.<p>

It's the hottest month out of the year, eighty-two degrees outside at midnight. We can hear the ocean as usual, and the stars are out dancing in the skies tonight. Axel and I sit on the top of my trunk as Roxas is knocked out in the back seat.

I ask him, "You think Castaway is going to be fun?"

"We'll make it fun."

He holds my hand tight and we sit in silence, gazing down the quiet road.

He asks me, "What's going to happen after Castaway?"

"Well...I leave by the end of the first week of September. So...maybe I can just spend it with you..."

"Yeah." He answers immediately.

I meet his gaze, and it...it doesn't feel good.

I...

I don't want to be that far away from Axel.

I don't want to move at all.

I just want to stay here.

…_.Shit, I don't want to move..._

"Sora?"  
>I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss him fearlessly.<p>

I can't stop.

I...don't want us to end.

But...

_There it is again._

The burning...

The stinging...

I pull away and squeeze him tight.

"You okay, Sora?" He wraps his arms around me tight.

"Yeah..."  
>He only squeezes me tighter.<p>

-x-

There his car goes, leaving me in the dust yet again. Maybe a harsh way to describe it, but I just feel like shit right now.

After Sora's car is long gone I stand in the street, wishing I had a remote to control time.

Wouldn't that be great? To be able to have all the time in the world with you, Sora...?

I kick two small rocks before heading back inside again. I forget about the mess in the kitchen all together and head upstairs.

Hiro's in bed, eating ramen and checking out bitches on the t.v.

I close the door and lay on my bed, staring at the wooden boards above. "Sora go home?" Hiro asks.

"Yeah." I answer.

I take out my phone and start looking at pictures I took of him.

My favorite one of him at the beach, a close up of his stellar face. His big blue eyes peaking out of the wild that is his hair as he layed comfortably on the white sands. Bits of sand stuck to his wet face, only making him more flawless.

He's just so fucking cute.

I've masturbated a number of...

Well, let's say that number's _above_ twenty—twenty times I've masturbated to these photos.

….Since we took 'em...five days ago? _Yeah._

I know I know, where do I find the time? Well, when insomnia hits, it's the only thing that gets me to bed.

I can't even look at normal porn anymore, all I think of is Sora.

….So why not? He IS my boyfriend after all.

I sigh and flip over on my stomach.

I'm going to miss this kid.

I actually didn't look into what those feelings would _entail_, so to speak.

It's the opposite of butterflies in my stomach;It's like a bunch of hooligans throwing rocks at glass houses in my stomach.

Why does he have to go so soon? Why wasn't I smart enough to ask him out sooner? We're just getting started here, it's not fair.

So much lost time...

"My head hurts..." I groan, rubbing my throbbing temples.

"I'm surprised at how much you like Sora. Are you still going to see him after he moves?"

_Why do you have a voice box right now?_

"I don't know...I don't wanna think about it..."

**-x-**

I rush up the stairs and into my room.

_It's hot as hell in here..._

I slam the window wide open and turn on the small fan on my desk.

I text Axel I'm home and inform him of my upcoming shower.

"_Have fun, text me when your done :P."_

_Oh, it's much more complicated than that, my boy._

What he doesn't know...

Lock the door.

Turn on the radio.

Head to the shower.

Run back out to grab my inhaler, because I'm hyperventilating.

Head to the shower, turn the water on room temperature.

Look at a picture of Axel.

_Goddamn he's beautiful...Perfect._

The tip of my dick is soaked in pre-cum.

I'm biting my bottom lip, nearly drooling over his gorgeous, tatted face.

I don't know how long I stroke myself outside of my shorts, staring at multiple pictures of him before heading to the next phase.

I put my phone down and tear off my clothes. I immerse myself completely under the water before grabbing my bare dick. I place one hand against the wall and my hair under the lukewarm water.

As my hair began to fully soak my eyes fall shut. I hear the soft beat of my radio outside the bathroom, and focus on my breathing. I open my eyes slightly and see my olive skin just barely beating over my heart.

I feel so lightheaded.

This isn't usual, and this isn't me.

I...tend to hold back a lot.

I...have a schedule...of when I basically fuck myself.

But it's being tested...

And screwed with.

This is off schedule, off balance.

Once every three weeks. Five minute limit, that's it. _Maybe_ twice, if I'm feeling okay.

But Axel...

It's whenever we part ways like... like _that._

Whenever he just takes me...His wonderful wide grin of success when he knows he has me wrapped around his finger...

_I can't get the thought of you out of my head._

I start stroking myself slowly, rubbing the head of my dick with my thumb every now and then. As I pick up speed, I rest my forearm against the wall of my shower and lean against it.

I bite my bottom lip, trying to conceal my pants.

_Oh Axel..._

Thousands of fantasies fly through my mind, I'm losing track of time.

What he probably doesn't know, is that I'm just as much of a power top.

_Oh...you'd be surprised Axel..._

_...If I let you into my head._

I can't stop thinking of him and-and his body...how perfect it is. I imagine his lips around my throbbing cock, cumming deep within his throat as I pump into his mouth, my hands wrapped tightly around his hair...

I wonder if he can deep throat...

My dick tenses and I feel my cum rushing out of me at the thought of my head hitting the back of his throat.

"A-A-Axeeel..." I moan out, and instinctively cradle the head of my dick, catching as much of my seed as I could.

Without thinking, I bring it up to my mouth and swallow every drop.

I'm thick, and sticky. Slightly salty, slightly sweet.

A little bitter.

My heart rate drops, my breathing slows, and I can hear the beats of music and water drops again.

I am brought down to Earth again.

Brought down to the sick motherfucker I really am.

The last phase.

No time to waste, I turn the water up as high as I can stand it and start scrubbing every inch of my body with soap.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

I begin to sob, but I bite my lip.

_Hold it in, you fucking pussy._

It's burns...it stings. I need it to stop.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

The water isn't hot enough for me soon, so I turn it up until the dial reaches the end.

Damn, still not hot enough.

Scrub.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Scrub.

Rinse.

I'm out of body wash.

Rinse.

The waters cold now.

I push open my orange shower curtains and dry myself off. I brush my teeth and grab a tee shirt and boxers.

"_Done." _I text Axel as I settled into bed and turn the t.v on.

My phone rings, it's Axel.

I pick up.

"Missed ya there."

I smile, "I wasn't too long, was I?"

**I'm...broken.**

**...Infected.**

**...Ill.**


	12. Chapter 12

It's the last week of August, you know what that means?

Castaway, and after that a tearful farewell to Destiny altogether.

I don't even want to think of the moment I have to bid farewell to Axel.

I...

But I do. The thought comes and goes through my head every night and I wish I could shake the thought but I can't. The thought of the moment when I finally have to leave his side is gnawing at my mind.

Like tonight, the night before we head out to the island.

Roxas is snoozing on my floor, his foot twitching ever so slightly every five seconds. I

God, it's two thirty in the morning and all I can do is watch my brothers foot twitch like a weirdo while engaging in deep thought.

_Gaaaah..._

My room is illuminated by the dark title screen of a horror movie on the t.v. Roxas and I stayed up pretty late talking like we used to in the old days about boys, girls, and superheros. The blaring red numbers demands my attention from across the room after a while, at least after Roxas' foot stopped twitching. Boxes stayed packed away by the door of my bathroom, and everything I'm not taking with me is in my closet, ready to be packed away in Roxas' room for safekeeping and entertainment as he sees fit once I'm gone.

My room lays so bare, I feel like a kid again.

I can't believe I'm leaving.

Just like that, I'm gone.

No driving the usual twenty minutes to get to school with Roxas.

No gossiping at lunch with Kairi and Namine.

No heading to the old hangout to do competitions.

No Riku. Not ever...

No mom...

No Donny!

Yet, no Roxas...

Not until next year.

And...

No...

...Axel.

That last one doesn't feel real.

What do you mean no Axel? We're just starting to click.

_I mean, he's...my boyfriend._

I know...I know.

It can't be real.

_He...probably wants to break up with me..._

We haven't talked about it.

I see how this is a problem now.

I pick up my phone and text Axel.

"_Can't sleep."_

His reply wasn't far behind.

"_You too, huh? I'm feelin' sleep deprived at this point."_

"_What's...going to happen to us...?"_

"_What do you mean?"  
><em>

He calls me and I tell him to hold on for a second before going downstairs to the backyard.

"Hey." I lean up against the glass door.  
>"What do you mean?"<p>

I stare out into my empty back yard, looking out at the ocean to where my hangout is.

The moon is hanging over head, illuminating the view.

"I'm...afraid of what's going to happen to us."

"...Nothing has to happen."  
>"But-"<br>"-I don't want to hold you back, but I...don't want to leave you either. It's been bothering the fuck out of me and I...I don't care how far you are from me. I really don't care, I mean, as long as you don't. I like you a lot, and I'm willing to try if you are...I-I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Do you understand?" He sounds tired—almost asleep-yet genuine and I can't help but giggle at his raspy voice ramblings.

"Don't worry 'bout it anymore, I won't go anywhere if you don't."  
>I breathe a sigh of relief, "Okay."<p>

"Get your butt to bed, I'll be seeing you soon sweetheart."  
>"Night."<br>"Nighty night."

**-x-**

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I jump out of bed and grab the source of noise, gripped in Roxas' hand; a fucking air horn.

"What the fuck is your problem!" I scream at Roxas, who's already half dressed.

"I've been letting you sleep in! Time to go get dressed!" He laughs.

"Get out of my fucking room!"

"Okay but get ready!"

"GET OUT!" I open my door and push him into the hallway before locking my door.

I look at the clock and it's six thirty.

Fucking shit.

Guess I have been sleeping in...

Fuck if I care.

"Ugh..." I tear off my pajamas angrily and put on the clothes I left out for myself last night. I step into my shoes and throw my duffel bag over my back.

"Sora! You gonna hurry the fuck up or what!? We're waiting down here!"

"Roxas shut up!" I yell back pissed, heading into my bathroom.

I wash my face and brush my teeth, slipping the tooth brush in my bag afterward.

I dash down the stairs and look inside the fridge.

"Oh my god you slow cow lets goooooo!"

"If you fucking boys don't shut the fuck up and leave now you're never leavin'!" We here from the basement.

"We're leavin' we're leavin'! Sora, let's go." Roxas closes the front door. I skip food and head out to my car.

Axel's sitting on the trunk of my car smoking a cigarette while Hiro and Roxas converse on the inside. I head to the trunk of my car and give Axel a long kiss good morning.

He's just as tired and cranky as I am.

"I'm going to sleep inside the car..." He yawns, moving off of my trunk.

I throw our bags in the trunk and we're off.

**-x-**

"_Babe, wake up..."_

"In a second..."

"_You're being too easy on him, you gotta yank the comfort away. Like so."_

I feel the hard surface under me move and I catch myself right before I fall out of the front seat onto the pavement. I look up and notice Hiro smirking.

"See?" He looks over to Sora.

"You're a jerk."

I unfasten the seat belt and get out of the car. I see the boats on the dock bobbing up and down and my stomach begins to churn.

Boats.

I grab my bags from the trunk and wait with Sora while he locks his car up for the week. I start smoking a cigarette, looking down the line of boats that had gathered ashore.

_I wonder which monstrous machine I get to ride in..._

"You smoking those cancer sticks again, Ax?" I hear Sora call from the inside of his car.

I sigh, "Yes, dear."

"You know tongue can grow hair from it, right Ax?"

"I know, dear."

"Just you watch," We start walking towards the docks, "You're gonna grow some pretty little hairs on your tongue there and you'll never feel mine with it again."  
>"Why call them pretty if you're not gonna love 'em?"<p>

Boats were tied down all along the docks. Some were taking off and some were just returning. Kids lined up in front of the boats, joking around and getting ready for the time of their lives. Hiro and Roxas trudged on ahead, heading over to what I hope isn't our boat.

"Over here!" Kairi waves from the docks.

Jesus Christ...

My cigarette reaches the end and fizzles out on me.

We start on the old wet docks towards Kairi's sea cruiser and the knots in my stomach begin to tighten more and more.

Land disappeared beneath the dock soon, and it's just water.

Deep water.

"Ready for the time of your lives?"

I just laughed. I avoid eye contact with the vessel, turning my back to it completely after awhile to look at land as Sora and Kairi spoke to each other.

"Ready Axel?" Sora wraps his arm around mine.

"Come on, we're about to leave."

_Okay Axel, try not to come off as a complete bitch._

I walked up to the ship. Waters splashed below where the dock ended and the boat starts.

"You first, I want to be able to catch you if you pass out."  
>"Oh hardy har har <em>you fucking pirate...<em>" I retort, jumping on the ship quickly and carefully. Kairi walks past us and tells us to follow her.

Once inside I take the closest seat available, clinging onto it for dear life. Sora notices my anxiety but everyone else ignores it.

"This is nice, geez Kairi didn't know your old man got payed so much just to sit around and do jack—ow!"

Hiro receives a stern smack across the cheek.

"We aren't on a stolen boat...right? You got permission to use it?"

"Of course I did! Daddy loves me enough to listen to my mom when she yells at him to give me what I want since I'm leaving for college."

We all just stare.

"What?"Kairi asks.

"Give the girl a break, guys." Namine laughs.

**-x-**

As the boat pushes off away from the shores, Axel only seems to be getting worse. His eyes stared off into nothingness and he turned pale.

I've never seen anyone get this seasick, and so fast too.

"I'm...going to throw up." He finally speaks after thirty minutes of silence.

"Kairi, where's the bathrooms?" I ask.  
>"Down below."<p>

"Are you kidding me? I have to submerge myself under this fucking death trap?"  
>"Well, it's either that or you can throw up over board-outside."<p>

He looks behind us and takes a gaze outside the large windows of the ship. Calm waters and a blue horizon is visible.

He stands up, "I'm going under..."

His movements are slow and sluggish towards the door that leads us below. I run up and open the door for him.

**-x-**

We walked into the closest door on our right. Inside contained two beds and a small desk with a lamp. To the left was a door that led to the bathroom.

For about thirty minutes I stared through the window of the ship while hearing Axel's brutal gurgling noises.

He told me to go and explore, but I didn't want to without him.

The ship rocked steadily with the waves.

I offered to help, but he instead locked the door on me.

"No one should have to see this, you're too nice. You wanna help, get me crackers or something," I recall him saying before a slight shove sent me out of the bathroom.

So I did, but the crackers and water have been sitting there since I got 'em.

"I think...I'm gonna die on this boat." I hear him say from the bathroom.

"You need some fresh air, come outside with me?" I lay back on the bed and suggest.

I hear him laugh, "Dead."

"Well, technically speaking, the last place you want to be in case of an emergency is on a boat is down below..."

His voice heightens, "Stop speaking."

"Don't you feel a little claustrophobic by now?"  
>"...You lose some to win some, Sora. Can you hand me my toothbrush?"<p>

I pull Axel's black bag from the floor onto my belly and start rummaging.

**-x-**

Here I am on a yacht and all I can do is puke into this fucking toilet and make my boyfriend stay with me out of fear for my safety and pity.

_Fancy._

For the hundredth time I flush the toilet. The room is spinning and I feel that horrible, hot sensation.

_I wish I had something...oh wait!_

I pulled out my wallet and there it falls out.

Two motion-sickness pills that I always keep in my wallet.

"Oh shit..."

FACEPALM.

"What?"  
>"Found two motion sickness pills." I admit, grabbing the bottle of water to pop my pills.<br>"Really? That's great! Now you can hang out with me!"

I pop the two pills and look through my wallet more with one hand as I brush my teeth with the other.

I finish up and dry my toothbrush.

I pick up my wallet again and old photos of me and Hiro fall out, and then the mother-load.

"What the fuck is this?!" I couldn't control my excitement.

It was the coke that Saix had gifted me a few months ago.

I searched my wallet six hundred times after fighting Riku and thought I had lost it.

"What? What is it!" I hear Sora's body pressing up against the door and he makes me smile a lil.

He's cute.

"Ah..." I pondered letting him in on my stash.

Would he approve?

...

Because I really don't feel like dumping a bunch of grade A coke from Costa Del Sol down the drain.

Would I even go that far?

For Sora...?

Ah, I don't think so. Can't go 'round sacrificing my stash for every person I wanted to get with.

That'd be retarded.

But I'll take a gamble.

I let him in the bathroom, "So what is it?"

He looks down and to my surprise, he immediately swoops up the bag. My heart starts beating and I lean against the wall, sticking my hands in my pocket and expecting the worse. Instead he inspects it, before popping open the bag.

"What are you doing?" I ask him nervously.

He smiles, "Why call me in here for something if I can't check it out? What is it? Is it sugar? Salt? Some of that other stuff the cool kids are doing nowadays?" He inspects it in the light. I've almost forgotten how naive Sora can really be sometimes.

He dips his finger and licks God knows how much of it before I could stop him, "Be careful! It's some powerful stuff..." I take the bag back from him and notice the large impression his finger left.

He sticks his tongue out, "I'd say so..."  
>"It goes up your nose, sweetheart."<br>"Yeesh, Axel that's crazy..."

I look at him.

He looks at me.

We start laughing.

I sense the want in his eyes and I'm only waiting now.

"...Can I try?"

I laugh,"You already took a huge taste, yeah, sure."

**-x-**

If I'm going to be part of the crowd, I might as well start before I get off the boat, right?

The taste was bitter but the numbing felt magnificent for some reason. I wanted more. I sit on the counter, watching Axel pour out some of the white crystalline powder next to me. He works fast and takes out a business card, rolling it up tightly. Next he takes a credit card of his and draws out two intimidating lines.

"You sure you want some of Satan's sugar?" He hands over the rolled up card.

"Pfff..." Is all I can muster up out of my fear before I swipe the handmade straw away. I stare down at the lines, scared shitless yet nowhere ready to back down.

I came here for a reason, and that is to get fucked up.

"...Correct." I say to my inner musings.

"What?"

"Just so we're on the right page, this isn't meth or anything...right?"  
>Axel rolls his eyes, "Of course not Sora geez-"<br>"-Okay, okay. Just makin' sure..."

I breathe out before leaning down and slowly sniff the line up.

Finishing up I feel a small kick and my nose begins to burn.

"Oww..._owwww!_ _Ugh..."  
><em>I shiver, "Horrible, that's just _awful._"

But it isn't horrible, my god...

He smiles, "Consider yourself luckier than the rest..."

He holds his long red hair back in his left hand before taking in his line.

I feel jumpy, as I begin bouncing in my shoes.

"Ugh!" I taste the coke goop drip down the back of my throat by surprise. He laughs, "I know, tastes like crud."

An unpleasant, horrible surprise none the less, but I'm giving it a shot.

**-x-**

"Ah..." I'm feeling great again. I let my hair go and stick the baggie of coke and straw in my pocket.

As we leave the bathroom, I feel in control again. Sora's facial muscle's are saying "fuck gravity" as his grin stays steady.

"Let's go!" He sits impatiently at the door of the room.

I throw my bag over my back and we're off.

We run into every single room we can find, twice.

Up to the deck, but I still felt weirded out about stepping outside so we resumed down below activity for a third time before finding the cockpit where Wakka and Tidus were manning the ship.

And man, do we fuck with them.

"Hey." I sneak up on Tidus' side.

"Sup." Sora blocks in Wakka.

"Oh here we go..."Tidus says.

"What's going on th manning deck Pirate Wakka?" Sora speaks gibberish and I follow his lead.

"Have we made contact with the gigantor whales? What's our status?"

"Don't you guys have anyone else to botha?" Wakka grunts.

"We're all captains in command here!"

"Affirmative." I back Sora's ground.

"Hey, if we used this radio thingy could we call all the other yachts over for a yacht party?"

"I'm the only captain in command here, for one! For two, hey what are you-"  
>"-Two ten four this is King Sora any other party yachts in the vicinity?"<p>

Wakka's jaw drops and he grabs the radio back from Sora, "What da hell are you on?! You know you could get us in trouble!?"

The radio crackles,"...WHOOOOOO! PARTY OVER HERE!"

"Hey it worked!" We start cracking up and even Tidus can't help but be entertained.

"For two! The radio is for emergency purposes only! Three!"

Wakka and Tidus nod in agreement to something, before pushing us aside and walking towards the door that leads out of the cockpit.

"Wait!" I nearly flip shit, not knowing how a boat really operates.

Tidus and Wakka smile at each other, "What is it, bradda?"

"What's the captain and the co-captain doing walking out on us. What if we go down?"  
>"You two are pirates, you can figure out how to man a ship, especially before it hits <em>that."<em>

I look to the front where I see the approaching land mass that was originally called Amaya.

Castaway.

They start laughing and Sora winks at me and then scoffs, "_I can handle this._ Now, let's see which button to press first...I think the _mayor_ would like it if I pressed _this_ _big, red, butt-"_

"-Move! The mayors not gonna have my butt ova dis! Lu would kill me if I got fired over a couple of stupid kids!" Wakka takes us by the back of our shirts.

"Hey man what are ya doin'? This isn't cool!"  
>"Yeah man, we know karate!" Sora laughs.<p>

"Yeah you _wish."_ Tidus holds the door open and Wakka effectively throws us out before locking the door.

"Good thinking. Fucking pirates man. Karate?" We hear Tidus laughing beyond the door.

We look at each other as we sat on the floor and begin to laugh.

"It's a pirates life for me." Sora helps me up and we go out into the main room of the boat. Kairi and Pence are playing cards while Hiro snoozes.

Namine and Roxas are outside, talking amongst themselves.

"Hey Axel you're actually walking again." Pence notices.

"Yeah, found two motion-sickness pills in my wallet. Lucky me."

"...Mmm, _pussy_..." Hiro turns over on the small couch, pretending to sleep still.

-x-

The sun feels great against my skin, I wish I hadn't worn all black today though.

It's so _hot_.

We arrive at Amaya where Castaway has already kicked off. The old docks were filled with boats of all sizes and topless chicks laay upon the beaches tanning.

Water balloons are being thrown and music is playing everywhere.

Axel, Roxas, Hiro and I sat on top of our bags on the beach. We had one tent to pitch, and a crap ton of canned food inside of a small cooler along with a lot of pot and a few tall cans of beer.

"We should set up camp by the trees." Axel suggests.

"Why not here? In the nice open?" Hiro contests.

Axel rolls his eyes, "It's hot as hell right now, the last place I want to be pitching a fucking tent is under the sun near the fucking ocean. What happens if high tide hits us in our sleep?"  
>"You're just saying that because you're afraid of the ocean, pussy!"<br>"Call me pussy one more time-" Axel stands.  
>"-Guys!" I stop them from fighting.<p>

"I think, that we should probably stay by the woods." I admit.  
>"I second that." Roxas says, wiping the sweat gathering on his forehead. Hiro rolls his eyes.<p>

"It's just that it's really hot. Shade would be nice, and Axel brings up a good point about the tide."

"Pshh, whatever. You're just playing favorites."

We all stand up and pick up our bags. Axel smiles, tilting his head, "Of course he is. But you're also a little bitch afraid of the woods. Karma, Hiro."  
>We start walking up the shore towards the grassy land. People buzzed about partying their hearts out.<p>

"Am not!" He catches up to us. Axel starts to laugh, "Hiro's afraid of the woods because when we were little we went camping and my mom scared the shit out of us. It obviously stuck with him for the rest of his life though."  
>"What she do?" Roxas asks.<p>

"Nothing-"  
>"-She left us alone in the middle of the night to go pee and Hiro started crying like a baby. 'Mommy's never coming back Axel waaaaaaaahhhhhhh'!"<br>"Shut up!"

"Dude is that true Hiro? How old were you?"  
>"He was nine."<br>"That isn't the whole story! A possum was dying five feet away from our tent and I thought it was mom for the longest time! Axel thought it too! Don't lie asshole tell 'em!"  
>"I thought she was just thizzing out like she used to whenever we'd go to bed. So, I guess I was afraid that she was having a bad trip or something."<br>"You're a fucking liar, you told me she was dying by hand of big foot. She purposely put that possum there. What a skank." Hiro grumbles.

**-x-**

The woods are overflowing with people coming in and out. A few pets roamed around with their owners. I can hear parties from all around. We decided to set up camp under a large Douglas fir tree.

"Ah..." I touch the tree with my palms, looking up at it's greatness.

_It goes for miles..._

An over-exaggeration, I know. But they're tall none the less.

These trees are so uncommon on Destiny; you only see them when you make the great trek up the mountains over there.

But over here, they're everywhere. It's like the tree's around Twilight University, too.

I don't know, I like them.  
>"See? It's at least five degrees cooler under here."<p>

"Yeah, I guess you're right..."

"Hey guys." Namine climbs up the small hill over to our post, two brown paper bags in hand.

"Where's Kairi?" I ask heading over to the tent.

"She was talking to Wakka and Tidus before the left. She's coming now but she told me to only let you guys get a hold of ONE bottle. So here." Namine hands over one brown paper bag to me.

We all stock up into the tent. Roxas pulls out the plastic cups we brought and I pull the bottle out of the bag.

From there we start drinking until the bottle's all gone. Axel suggest we explore the woods and I agree. Roxas decides to stay behind with Namine. Since Hiro's so reluctant to even venture into the woods we delegate him with the responsibility of watching the tent and our food stash before setting out.

We walk for what seem like forever, jumping on stumps and making up random games along the way to where ever.

We come across a cliff and I look down, seeing the large beautiful body of water calling my name.

"Axel let's go swimming!"

He shrugs, "Let's go."

**-x-**

We find our way to the lake, but I didn't expect there to be so many...

Girls.

They sat off to the sides and on the rocks. Their chatter seemed to calm as soon as me and Axel arrived at the scene. He throws his bag off, looking back at me with a grin, "Ready?"  
>I slightly shake my head.<p>

He cocks a brow, "Whaddya mean? You just told me you wanted to go swimming."

I look down at my shoes, contemplating about getting down to my underwear. The lake looks refreshing though, I can't lie. Axel starts peeling his clothing off and I follow his lead. I strip down to my embarrassing red and black mouse ear briefs before hearing a wolf whistle coming from the crowd of girls just off to the left.

"I like it." Axel shouts from the water with a thumbs up.

"_Show us your penis...!"_ I hear a loud whisper from their group and blush as they start cackling loudly.

I rush into the water and take a dive before coming up for air.

Axel is circling me like a shark.

"So you do know how to swim." I flip the hair out of my eyes.

"Of course I do, the ocean scares me. Lakes always come to an end, I'm okay with this."

We swim for a while, doing flips and handstands and racing.

Girls stared at us like we were pieces of meat, I was afraid that they'd be the ones taking off with our clothing.

I was dead wrong.

I swim up from under the surface of the water and I notice that the girls are gone.

Great, what's even more awesome is that it looks like our clothes are still there.

What's bad is that I can't see Axel.

He's just gone.

Poof.

"Ax...? This isn't funny..."

Before I know it, I'm screaming out like a little girl who's just been pantsed underwater and I'm kicking as hard as I can. It works against me and like that, I am naked in a body of water.

Axel doesn't surface until he's next to the shore again.

"AXEL!" I yell at him, swimming towards the shore like mad.

"Sorry babe, couldn't help myself! These are so cute!" He stretches them out above his head.

I stand twenty feet away from the shore in the lake still, cupping my genitals as I face this uncomfortable situation.

"Ax, what are you doing?" I ask him quietly.

"I...don't know, actually. Maybe I'm taking this prank a little too far..." He says out loud before grabbing my pile of clothes along with his and walking away.

"Axel don't leave me here! Please!"

He's whistling like a bastard as he leaves me in my current state.

"Axel you piece of shit!" I yell out one last time before giving up.

"Shit..."  
>I sink down into the water and turn away from the shore, focusing my gaze upon the mountain backdrop that surrounds the lake. The sun was slowly starting to sink back down to the horizon and I was starting to get cold and VERY angry.<p>

_Fucking Axel you always have to be such a fucking asshole don't you you stupid mother-_

"Why hello there!"

I look over my shoulder slowly and see some random ass blonde guy standing at the shore, waving at me.

I cock a brow and he shifts his eyes for a second, "You, you're Sora right? Axel's boyfriend?"

"Yeah!" I quickly spin around in the water and swim up a bit close to the shore again.

"You seen him? Tell him when I get my hands on him I'm going to strangulate him!"

"Tell him that yourself, he sent me here with these. Told me to tell you to catch him if you can. Hold on..." He sets down a small guitar and opens his bag, rummaging through it.

"Who are you, anyways?"  
>"Oh, I'm Demyx! But you can call me Dem, or Myx, or, um...Demyx," He shakes his head, "Yeah!"<p>

He finally finds my boxer briefs and tosses them to me.

"I never thought Axel would ever have a boyfriend, but I'm glad he's not with the wicked witch of the west anymore."

"Larxene?"  
>"The one and only ant queen."<p>

We laugh and I climb out of the water.

I'm a bit blown away by how...well...uhm...cute, Axel's friend is.

He's wearing a pink dress shirt rolled up over his elbows over a white tee with cut off jeans. His eyes are hidden behind large, green framed sunglasses. He has two large black gauges, or at least that's what I think you call him. His hair fell as a lazy fohawk. Maybe he tried hard to style it, maybe he didn't try at all.

"Ax wants me to make sure you don't get lost, ready?"

"Yeah."  
>"Groovy."<p>

Despite my lack of clothing, I'm glad that I have something to go off of. We start walking back into the woods.

Something about him is so funky and exotic, I can't help but stare as he starts dancing around to the disco music that emits from his large headphones, his fingers pointing up into the sky as he bounced to the beat.

"You can't go wrong with Disco, always remember that."  
>"Of course, seeing as though it's arguably the mother of techno."<br>He grins, "I like you already."


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks you all for the reviews and the support!

* * *

><p>We trudged through the thick woods, passing tall trees and old abandoned huts along the way. Goosebumps are becoming more prominent by the minute as the cool breeze starts to set in.<p>

We reach a fork in the road. Down the road to the right lies more aged huts peaking through the trees. I follow Demyx down the right road and we eventually end up in the clearing where the huts stand.

Each of these old homes had strange markings on the worn doors. Shapes and colors of all sizes.

"So, what brings you down to this little slice of heaven?" He pats his bulky flashlight a few times before it flickers on, and leaves it face up on a stump to somewhat illuminate our surroundings.  
>I shrug, "I just wanted to have a good time before I move to Twilight, so I came here with Axel, our brothers and a few good buddies of mine."<br>"You're moving to Twilight? How come? That place _sucks." _The grimace on Demyx' face makes me nervous, and I ask him to elaborate.

"Well, lets just say that there aren't enough _friendly_ people to go around."

"That's...not good."

"Eh, it's what you make of it. The people are stuck up snobs and the cops'll make use of their force when you let 'em. Isn't to different from where I grew up though...Where the hell is Axel? Axel!" Demyx starts calling. I walk closer to one of the hut's in the clearing. The door had a large yellow X marking. Through a crack in the door I could barely make out old furniture and some small toys.

_Creepy..._

"Axeeel! Where are you!?"

**-x-**

"Where the hell am I?" I ask myself aloud. I must've passed the lake fifty times by now, yet I can't find my way back to those cool huts. I'm getting tired of the same drunken jargon that comes out of the topless chicks face holes most of all.  
>I hear the high-pitched giggles that only emerge from a group of adolescent chicks and I nearly lose it.<p>

_Okay, think. If you walk in one direction you're bound to find your way back to the tent, at least._

I start down a path that leads towards the tent, _I think._

Maybe it was a bad idea leaving Sora like that. Hopefully Demyx found him. Hopefully Sora didn't sprint out naked out of fear.

….Heh heh.

**-x-**

I'm shivering a little right now, since the sun has basically set.

"I hate Axel." I say.

"Maybe he's lost?" Demyx suggests.

Atleast I'm dry now, just wish I wasn't surrounded by a bunch of creepy huts.

"So, why are you moving away from Destiny?"  
>"School." I answer.<p>

"Where at?"  
>"Twilight University." I sigh.<p>

"You don't sound to happy about it."  
>"I just have cold feet about it, I guess. Leaving Axel and my brother has been bugging me the most. I might get a dorm with Hayner, but that's only if we're lucky."<p>

"...Say that again?"  
>"What?"<br>"Who's your friend?"  
>"Hayner?"<p>

Demyx gasps as he grins, snapping his fingers, "I know him! He's about your height, blonde, used to wear this army get-up that scared everyone? Right? Am I right?"

I laugh," Yeah! How do you know him?"  
>"I met him when I first moved to Twilight Town. Some kid named <em>Seifer <em>stole my tip money when I wasn't looking. Hayner told me and we both chased him down, but we couldn't catch him. I was so gutted, it was supposed to be my hotel money, four hundred dollars in cash, all gone. Hayner snuck me into his grandmother's house for a few weeks while I played up the money to rent another hotel room for another month."

I smile at the account of Hayner, always helping out.

I'm siked to see him again.

**-x-**

I atleast find my way to the tent. Hiro is outside of the tent talking to a few random girls.

As I approach, I nod to Hiro before unzipping the tent, hoping that Sora's there.

But he's not, it's just Roxas and Namine. It looked as though they had finished romping around.

Afraid of stepping on some foreign body fluids, I stay outside of the tent and ask them if they had seen Sora yet.

"Nah, he hasn't come back. I thought he was with you?"

"I left him in the lake naked."

"You _what?"_

"What the fuck is _wrong _with you Axel? He could be dead."

"You guys don't give Sora enough credit."  
>"HE'S NAKED." They both shout.<p>

I can only start laughing before I zip the tent closed.

**-x-**

I decided that I was done waiting long enough, so Demyx began leading us back out of the woods. So many questions daunted my mind about Demyx. He's one of the first friends of Axel that I've met, yet he's so...Who is he?

"Demyx?"  
>"Yeahuh?"<p>

"Why did you move? Where did you move from?"

It was silent for a few seconds, I couldn't read what he was thinking.

"I moved from Hollow Bastion. My parents...didn't like me." He says it carefully, as though he wanted to relay the information with as little emotion as possible.

"Why do you say that?"  
>He laughs, "I didn't do what they wanted me too. Pssh, fuck them. We should hang out once you move to Twilight Town, you, Hayner and I. I go to Sunset College and I live in Sunset, but that's not too far from Twilight at all."<p>

"That'd be cool, at least I know two people who live there now."  
>"Yeah! Nothings ever bad when you've got a few buddies! I remember, when I moved, the very <em>first <em>person I met was Zexy. He's this really really _really_ smart kid who likes to read a lot. Any way's, his grandmother gave him a really nice house and signed it over to him, but she get's to live with him."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and she's a bitch. She's kinda sick and close to kicking the bucket, but she's just a real bitch. And I don't think that because I had to move out when she moved in."

"What?"

"Long story short he got a house that was supposed to be all his, but then his grandma bullied her way in saying that no one else in the family has the time or capacity to take care of her because they're successful and he's not. We met way before he had his own house, but we became friends and he said he'd let me live with him if I could pay some bills. He got his house a month later and stuck to his word, I payed him for the first two months ahead of time...was there a week and a half before his grandma came around."  
>"Shit...and you left?"<br>"Of course I did. I knew exactly what he was going through. They treated him like..." Demyx shakes his head, "Anyways, she's still there trying to die as slowly as possible."  
>"That's horrible!"<br>"Those are her exact words to him every morning. She says it slow and makes him come close to her so he can read her lips. He gave me back my rent money and I just got a dorm at Sunset instead."

Once Demyx started talking, he just didn't stop.

But his stories were so crazy and free, it makes me wish I had taken a few more risks.

I mean, Riku, Kairi and I got stranded at sea once trying to 'find new worlds'.

I can tell you right quick that plan went to shit.  
>I'm pretty sure it was Riku's idea too.<p>

But, that's a story for another time.

We reach the clearing. Tents were pitched up everywhere. The moon hung over us all, a little larger than last night.

"Well, I should probably head back to my small vessel, I've been working all day and I'm tired..." He yawns.

"Alright, I guess I'll be seeing you around. Thanks for helping me out."  
>"No problem, be sure to kick Axel's ass once you see him again. Later." We split directions and hear him rip on his guitar for the first time as we walked away. I head over to the hill where camp was set up. As I approach the tent I look over to the left and see Axel JUST now leaving the woods.<p>

"Hey!" He looks super happy and excited to see me.

Too bad I can't return the feelings.

"Fuck you Axel!" I flip off Axel and start unzipping the tent. He catches up with me and deliberately falls on top of me as I crawled inside the tent.

"I'm sooorrryyyy!"

I turn onto my back and he straddles me. I frown, "You left me in a lake nude, and on top of that you never found me."

He rests his forehead against mine, "It's not like I didn't try. I sent back your underwear with Dem so you could find me by those huts, but then I got impatient and went looking for you and I couldn't find my way back. You made it back alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sit up on my elbows. "Well, it's not too late for the party."

**-x-**

Day two.

The hot air makes it a struggle for me to breathe in this tent. The tree does a great job by shading, yet we've been breathing in each others sweat since last night. I fidget and fuss in my place before I can no longer take it. "AHHHHH!" I sit up and attempt to unzip the tent, but it's stuck.

No no no.

The group starts to stir as I wake them with my constant shaking of a stuck zipper. "What are you doing...?" Axel asks me.

I sit back on my butt, "We're stuck in here."

"Just break it..." He turns over to his other side, as though the stifling heat and smell of four different sweats combined doesn't phase him.

"So that the racoons can come in and eat us while we sleep? No thank you."

I am the sensible one here. Me.

"Then I'd start getting comfortable if I were you..."

I sigh, and Roxas brushes up next to me, "Let me see..."

He tries to reason with the zipper.

"See?"  
>He shrugs, "Let's break it."<p>

**-x-**

"One...two..."  
>"Don't..."I plead, with my pillow over my head.<br>"Three!"  
>Sora and Roxas had been ramming into the entrance of the tent for twenty minutes now, trying to get out.<p>

"Axel, Hiro, get up and help us!" Roxas yells.

"No!" We say in unison.

Roxas sighs, "Alright then, guess I'm gonna start pissin' in a fucking bottle. Hope I don't miss the small hole, I spray in the morning fuckers."

I start laughing,"You asshole..."

Hiro sits up.

"Fine, hold on..." Hiro grabs a knife from his bag.

"Move," He wipes his eyes clear. With a flick of his wrist, he sends the knife through the door of the tent.

"_You're welcome."_

**-x-**

"Lazy assholes." Me and Roxas start getting for the day and he tells me of a sales man he met last night.

"I mean, this guy was attractive, and tall."

I raise my brow, and he blushes.

"Anyways, he gave me some stuff..." Roxas trails off.

"What stuff?" I pull on my shirt.

"Hold on, I'll show you and we can take them." Roxas crawls back into the tent and I turn my gaze over to the field. People danced on the beaches and I hear music coming from the distance. Few boats crowded the docks now, leaving the ocean open and ready for play. I walked up against my favorite tree (I've decided) and took a look up it length once again. Without thought, I grabbed on to a few low hanging branches and climbed up, sitting on the most stable branch I could reach. Roxas climbs out of the tent and displays a clear baggie of what I thought looked like bark chips.

"What the hell is that? Hope you didn't pay for it."  
>"Of course I didn't pay for it. But the guy told me it was good."<p>

"And what is _it, _exactly?"  
>"Shrooms dude, you're clueless." He shakes his head.<p>

"Whaaat..." I jump down from the tree and grab the bag, "Roxas what's a shroom?"

They looked gross.

He laughs, "It's mushrooms. They make you laugh. Eat." Roxas slams down two large stems and a cap in my hands before crawling over to the tent.

"Hey, these don't look like mushrooms at all...Roxas?"

He comes back out after giving Axel and Hiro some as well and takes a seat next to me under the tree.

**-x-**

"So, you sure this is legit?" Hiro inspects his stems closely. We all gathered under the tree looking at what Roxas had given us. "Why would anyone give you this free unless it was bad?" Hiro drawls on, kicking his stems with his finger tips.

Roxas frowns, "Just shut up and eat it, or else I'll eat it all myself."

"I'd like to see you try."  
>Everyone starts chewing on their stems, even Sora's nibbling at his cap.<p>

I pop my handful and chew it thoroughly.

"Huh, tastes like bird seeds." I comment.

I always thought this moment would come out in some dingy motel room.

I'd be sold something bunk one night and end up trading it for a bag full of shrooms. I'd eat 'em all without thinking, probably carve something in my chest and play along with television games shows as though I'm the smartest in my underwear.

Yeah, this setting is better.

"Really?" Sora asks.

"Yeah-"  
>"-Quit being a wuss and eat it Sora, it's not gonna kill you!" Roxas yells.<p>

Sora sighs, "You don't know that," then pops his handful.

"...You are right, they taste like seeds. I'm hungry."

"Right, let's eat. Lest we have a bad trip." Hiro pulls over the cooler.

"Bad trip?"  
>"Yeah."<br>Roxas sit up, "No, no no. Don't listen to him."

_Crap._

"Well what are we just gonna blind side him with what's gonna happen? Those are the kids who kill themselves."  
>"What do you mean? I don't wanna have a bad trip! I-I don't wanna kill myself!" Panic fills Sora's voice and Hiro begins to laugh. I give him a dirty look just as quick and he shuts up.<p>

"You'll be fine, don't listen to Hiro, he's stupid." I tell Sora calmly.

"Yeah, Hiro's a butt hole. Let's eat." Roxas concurs.

"What did I get myself into...?" Sora woes as he grabs the can Hiro hands him.

Good question.

**-x-**

_You're so stupid!_

My hands are shaking, I can't stop clattering the plastic fork against the tin can. I keep thinking of all the horrible possibilities.

Mainly what the fuck I'm going to hallucinate.

Bad stuff?

Stuff in the back of my mind that I really don't want to materialize?

I don't wanna kill myself.

Ugh, I'm sweating. I don't know if it's the sun or the shrooms or me...

I yank on my collar, circulating air under my shirt. "Jesus Sora don't have a heart attack-"

"-Why would I?" I glare at Roxas.

Axel glides his hand over mine and I breathe out.

"It's been under five minutes and you're acting cracked out already. You've got a good thirty minutes to come up so calm down."Roxas grabs his bag and pulls out his pipe.

My anxiety is fucking climbing and all I can do is hold my head in my hands while Axel rubs my back. I feel like I'm on the edge, why can't I just fall off?

"Sora, here." Roxas nudges me and I take the pipe from him, inhaling the thick smoke that was left over from his hit and drawing anew.

Eventually, I just stopped talking together as Axel and them got on about stupid stuff.

I feel like I just died for the day.

Oh god.

Oh god why?

I remember why I didn't do drugs in the first place.

**-x-**

Sora and I stayed lent up against the tree. Hiro and Roxas left a few minutes ago after we finished one last bowl, insisting that it was our turn we tent watch. Sora hasn't talked since he took his first hit, and I'm starting to worry about him. I feel anxious, but not so much that I look like a lifeless doll. Sora's actually taking my anxiety and using it for himself. "What's up?" I try to break his silence.

"What's it like?" Sora asked me.

"What, shrooms?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

I was hesitant to tell him I had never done it, but I might as well in case it comes out later.

"I've never done it before."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but it shouldn't be that bad. Hiro always looked like he was having a real good time, pointing at shit that wasn't there. Let's go to the tent, get your mind off of things."

**-x-**

I grab the cooler and as I'm walking to the tent with Axel, my heart rate picks up. My anxiety begins melting away and I start laughing little by little. It grows, as though I'm showering off my anxiety with laughter.

"What's so funny?"  
>I can't even answer Axel, I wouldn't know where to start except HA and HAHAHA.<p>

We get situated in the tent, despite the gaping hole left on the entrance from Hiro's hunting knife. Axel sat criss-crossed in front of me and pulled a deck of cards out. I layed my hands over my mouth, and kept swallowing my laughter.

"Wanna play goldfish?"  
>I nod, my ability to speak has vanished.<p>

I feel lighter than air, as though I'm going to start floating away.

Axel tries to shuffle the cards, but his bridge came lose. The cards flew everywhere and he looks so displeased for one second, before he just busts out laughing.

I bite my bottom lip, and euphoria sets in as I feel myself holding in laughter.

C

Olors are vibrant. The first color that pops out to me are Axel's green shards.

His eyes...

And

S

e

n

s

e

s

are winning.

"Haa...!"Axel falls forward onto the sleeping bags.

I can't stop laughing.

It feels amazing now, as though life just got shocked back into me. I pull Axel up by his hair, "Ow!"

I gasp, pulling away and he holds his hair, as though he wasn't aware of it's presence before.

We

F

a

l

l

Next to eachother on the sleeping bags, cards scattered under us.

My eyes cast a haziness around my peripheral and I lug my body to my side, holding on to Axel for the first time since I started.

The air is purplish, pink, orange.

"Trippin'?" His voice sails out and I want to hear it again.

T

R

I

P

P

I

N

G

!

He laughs and it's so sexy, I want more of him.

**-x-**

Sora lays on his back once more, his eyes spell

W a n t

I

N

e

e

d

y

o

u

now

I swear I hear him say before taking my hand, pulling me on top

T

a

k

I

n

g

t

h

e

l

e

a

d

His eyes are sparkling, and his blue pools turn to ice.

Ice you could skate on.

Our lips meet and we begin just-just

m

e

l

t

I

n

g

Ice meets fire I-I-I

"Sora..." Moan as he strokes my air, one hand slowly creeping down my spine.

He goes further than I thought he would, removing his fingers from my hair and sliding both hands under my pants, squeezing my ass hard.

I feel myself getting hard instantly.

"S-Sora..."I let him take the lead completely, he grins before flipping me on my back. He falls on top of me, his hot breathe grazing my skin and his laughter purrs out.

He begins kissing my neck tenderly and my eyes roll back from pleasure.

**-x-**

I suck hard, he tastes so sweet like a...

"Lemon drop..." I muffle through my barrage of kisses. He laughs.

I realize,

I'm

not

burning...

I'm

not

S

t

I

n

g

I

n

g

I feel free...

So

I

Attack.

I grind into Axel confidently for the first time, my tongue twisting around with his now.

I grab his wrists and push harder

God...

"Axeeeel..."My moans erupt as he pushes on to me,"Sora..."

We stare at each other for the longest time. I notice the texture of the tent waving, breathing.

Is our tent purple?

Blue?

Yellow?

It rotates.

It breathes.

You can almos it.

I snap my head around and see Roxas staring us down. "What are you doing? Roxas? Hey." I hear someone from behind him.

Roxas starts laughing, "INTENSE. INTENSE."

He flails his hands in front of him.

"Ruh Ruh Ruh..." I attempt to speak his name.

But I can't

T A L K.

My tongue feels funny and fat. Does it really belong in my mouth?

I wonder.

What's wrong with me?

We move so quickly.

Outside the sun is starting to set.

I turn my head and look to the woods, the trees billow in and out with a set of lungs to them.

Everything's alive, everything's alive and so suddenly I want to see my tree.

_My_ tree, the one I love. I move to it, the ground feeling like clouds under my bare feet. I press my palms up against the tree and look up, its aura emitting waves and shades of green and yellow. "So, looks like Hiro just got lost in the woods, huh? I'd say so..." I look over and see Demyx eying the woods.

"When...whendidya? Dem?" Axel puts his hands onto Dem's shoulder. Dem laughs, "Since yesterday, Ax. Looks like you guys need a babysitter."  
>"I-I need to go find...my brother. LET'S."<p>

I turn my attention away again.

To breathe with my tree, MINE.

I whisper sweet nothings to this tree, might even marry it.

"Sora, get your stuff, we're gonna go look for Hiro." I hear Dem say.

No.

This is too soon.

I squeeze the tree, as it breathes life into me, "Go Sora, do not abandon your frieeends."

Okay tree, but only if you say so.

"I say so."

Okay.

"Sora are you still talking to the tree over there? Let's go."

Goodbye.

I step back from the tree reluctantly and crawl back into the tent to gather my things.

**-x-**

The woods, they're cold.

Dark

Desolate

Lonely

I've lost the guys long ago, yet I walk with peace in the dark. I feel like I'm

C

o

m

I

n

g

D

o

w

n

I feel at peace.

I can breathe, I can breathe.

Everything is like ecstasy.

**-x-**

Where are they! Fuck! Fuck!

I sit alone, on my stump in the woods. Lights coming from all directions, flashlights I think.

I lost him a while ago.

I don't know how, it just happened.

I feel bad, real bad.

This

is

no

good

"Hey!"

I spin around and fall on my butt, scared shitless.

"What's your problem? High again, Ax?"  
>I frown, wanting nothing to do with <em>it.<em> I stand on my feet and start leaving, before I feel her grab my wrist.

"Wait."

I look down at her.

She's pleading with her eyes, "Can we talk?"

I know better than this. I snatch my hand away, and wave her off. But she follows me, "Please Axel, just talk to me."

**-x-**

I sit a full two feet away from her on a rock wall near the lake.

Things are coming down for me, and I can only wish that I was next to Sora now.

Colors in the sky swirl and mix, I'm not sure what's real anymore, if anything.

"I'm sorry." She tells me, but it doesn't matter. "I shouldn't have ran off with, you know..."  
>"Who, everyone in the fucking neighborhood?" I finally speak and she smiles, "I knew the first thing you'd say would be some snappy shit like that."<p>

I huff, "Well _excuse me_ for being the snappy bitch in this situation."

"Yeah yeah I know." She stands up, sticking her hands in her back short pockets, I can't help but stare at her flawless figure. Her skin is illuminated by the nearby fires, casting her in some light that I for some fucking reason can't resist.

It looks as though she had grown a foot since I last saw her two years ago. She had foregone the ugly clown makeup she used to cake on a few years back for simple lipstick, making her look like a decent girl again.

Nothing special, but you know.

"You weren't a saint yourself though, y'know?"

I look away, a little embarrassed of myself. She sees it, "You can't ever look me in the eyes when I say it...Why?"

Larxene stands in front of me, lifting my chin up.

"Why are you so speechless today?"  
>"Shrooms."<p>

It looks as though she's hurt a little, but she smiles instead, "You and that _kid, _huh? You guys are always together now, you must like him a lot."

She lets go and sighs, sitting closer to me this time, "Damn it Ax..."  
>"What?"<br>"I'm...jealous." She tilts her head back, a long breath leaving her.

She pulls a cigarette from her cleavage, lighting it slowly between her red lips before offering a drag.

I don't wanna be here with her.

This trip just went from bad to worse.

I don't wanna do this.

For all I know she could've been fucking Hiro.

I can only trust that fucker to an extent.

No, this has gotta end.

I laugh, "You should be. I gotta go."

"No, please don't." She pulls me back down on the wall.

"Just...you don't know how hard it was to get on without you...once you got arrested."  
>"With Saix and all...sure it was fine." I mumble.<p>

All she ever did was chase everyone else.

So what was a guy to do? Of course I wanted to screw around with other chicks.

It's only natural when you smell the sweat of some other dick on your girls face.

She shakes her head furiously, "Saix just used me. Everyone did, except you."  
>"That's what <em>you <em>think."  
>"It's what I know, Axel. You cared about me, didn't you?"<p>

She almost makes me choke, and I don't know what to say. She takes me by surprise, holding me tight.

"You wouldn't still be talking to me if you didn't...I missed you." She takes one more drag of her cigarette before flicking it away.

She kisses me once.

"...You're horrible."

I don't care for her, really I don't.

...But I think I've missed her too.

She kisses me again and I fall in.

I

can't

stop.

"What he doesn't know, wont hurt him..." She whispers in between our kisses.

I can only agree with her logic.

What's it to Sora...if he's leaving me anyways?


	14. Chapter 14

"SORA! HEY!" I turn around and realize it's Demyx. He heaves, "Jesus Christ...where'd...where'd you go?"  
>I shrug, grinning like a child.<p>

"I found Hiro, he was lurking around those huts like I had thought. So I told him and Roxas to hang out OUTSIDE of the woods until I found you and Axel...Let's hope they got that."

"Have you seen Axel?"  
>I shake my head, "No, just been."<p>

"Still tripping? Sounds like it."  
>"Mmm...yeah. I couldn't stop."<p>

"Couldn't stop what?"

I think for a second before realizing that I had no idea as to what I'm talking about.

"...I dunno."

We walk in what seems to be circles before stopping on a track.

"Okay, if that ways where the lake is, then this way should be golden...I hope." Demyx thinks for a second before flickering his flashlight on.

Soon, we reach the lake. People were setting up tents along the lake and setting up fires.

"Damnit. I'm sorry I'm not the best GPS right now Sora."  
>"It's okay."<p>

We joked a bit, even though it was still a chore for me to speak.

As we passed a long aged wall I turn my head, noticing two people necking hardcore.

I swear I see Axel's red hair, so I keep on staring as we pass by.

I see Larxene, and I see Axel.

"Wait." I push out, my heart stops.

"What?" Demyx turns and I walk back.

Is this...a hallucination?

No

No

No

No

"Axel!" I shout.

"Sora!" He stands up and I take a step back.

"Oh geez..." I hear Larxene sighing in the background.  
>I feel my chest fluctuating in and out.<p>

I

I can't.

He grabs me before I could turn, making me face him.

"Sora I-"  
>"-Let go!" I yell, only making matters worse.<p>

Everyone stops just to pay attention to us, and my chest tightens. I see red lipstick smeared across his face and I just can't face him anymore.

_Is this some sick fucking joke?_

I need to get out of here.

"Sora wait-"  
>"-I'm leaving." I tell Dem, pushing past him back into the dark that is the woods.<p>

**-x-**

"Hey looks like we've got another one!"

Hiro and Roxas drum on some random buckets at my arrival. Usually this sort of shit would please me, but right now I'm about to lose it.

"Last one is Ax, have you seen him Sora?" Hiro asks.

I smile, "Oh yeah, I've seen him."

I roll up my sleeping bag and throw anything I left out into my bag.

"What are you doing?" Roxas asks.

"I'm leaving."  
>"Why?"<br>"...I don't want to be here anymore." I say simply before exiting the tent and heading to the docks.

I don't know how I'm going home, but I am.

I'll swim if I have to.

_I can't believe him._

Tears fall off my face as I furiously wipe them away.

_Fuck him._

_I don't need anybody..._

I walk up the docks, where very few boats remained and sit on my bag, holding onto my tears for dear life.

People look at me funny, but I could care less.

I scream into my lap, louder than I can process. My fingers soon yanking my brown hair tightly off the surface.

I scream.

As long as my lungs could hold out.

"Hey dude you okay?" I hear someone ask.

"He's fine, just havin' a bad trip." I hear Demyx breathing heavily from behind.

"Oh."

I feel Demyx lean down next to me, "Penny for your thoughts?"

"I wanna go home..." I strain out, hiding my tears.

"Take me home...please."

"Sora you sure you don't want to talk it out with him?"

I stand up and throw my bags over my shoulder, "I'm positive. I want _nothing _to do with him, please, I just wanna go home. I'm so sick of this bullshit always happening to me and I just want to get the fuck out of here. Please Demyx."

He hesitates, running his hand through his hair.

I look him in the eyes, _"Please..."_

He sighs, "Alright, but only because I don't want you hitching a ride with some murderer. Let's go."  
>We start walking to his boat, and Roxas calls me.<p>

"Yeah?"  
>"Don't leave without me, I'm coming!"<p>

"You don't have to. Catch a ride back with Kairi and-"  
>"-Just shut up. I'll be down there in a second."<p>

**-x-**

We arrive to Dem's vessel, where some random guy sat with a bored look on his face.

"We done here?"  
>"Yup."<p>

"Must not've been too many fish biting this year, huh?"  
>"I try my best."<p>

The guys get's ready to start up the engine and Roxas jumps on.

"Sorry Dem but I'm goin with."  
>Dem shrugs, "No skin off my bones."<p>

The guy throws a cigarette off the boat.

"Hey!" Dem snaps. He looks over.

"What did I say about the fishes? Don't poison them." He glares. The guy rolls his eyes and the boat starts moving.

Dem settles himself inside while we talked on the outside.

"What happened?"

I shake my head, ashamed that the very second relationship I've ever been in has just ended horribly like the first.

I'm the fool again.

I'm the cheated one, again.

I shake my head and pull my hoodie over my eyes.

I can't even cry anymore.

Nah, just too embarrassed to.

As the minutes dwindled by I kept myself occupied by rearranging the contents in my bag. Organizing the colorful t-shirts I brought for everyday of the week, and then some.

A small baggie nearly flies off the boat, hitting Roxas face instead.

"Ow. What's this?" He picks it up and starts inspecting it.

I realize it's the coke Axel and I shared yesterday.

"What the fuck is that?"  
>I take it back from Roxas, "It's mine now."<p>

At least I got this much over on that bastard.

We sail for a few hours before reaching Destiny. The island is already fogged up tonight.

Roxas is nice, grabbing all my bags for me and telling me to take my time as he scurried off the docks towards my car. I walk a few feet from the boat with Dem.

I feel bad for putting him in this awkward position.

"Alright...I guess I'll be seeing you around?"

But he did chase me down.

"Demyx...can I ask you something before I go?"  
>"What?"<p>

I think about my question for a sec.

I fidget in my spot, "You've been friends with Axel for a long time...is...is this the kind of shit that he does to people?"

Demyx just stands still, at a lost of words. I can tell he has a lot to say, but he doesn't want to.

He's horrible at hiding it.

He finally speaks, "I don't know what to tell you...I'm sorry."

I nod my head, "Thanks anyways."  
>"Wait, before you go. Here." He hands me his number on a piece of paper.<p>

"I'm sure Hayner and I wouldn't mind helping ya feel better once you get down."

He flashes me a big smile, and it makes me feel a little better.

I smile sorely, "Thanks."

"Take care Roxas!" He waves to Roxas before heading back to the docks.

**-x-**

"Where is he?"

As soon as I got a hold of myself, I ran back to camp.

Away from Larxene, where I knew I had gone wrong. I wipe my face off with the inside of my shirt, seeing the makeup stains set in every where.

I run up to the tree, hoping to god that he's standing around with the group.

_How could I have been so..._

"What happened to Sora?" Kairi stood in front of me.

_Fuck me, this is not what I need right now..._

"Where is he?" I repeat, looking over to Hiro.  
>"He's not here, what did you do to him!"<p>

"Nothing! Where is he?" I'm getting pissed at the second, I smell the light alcohol on Kairi's tongue and I'm wondering why no one's grabbing her away from me.

"What the fuck did you do to him Axel!" She screams, pushing me.

"I didn't do anything alright! He caught me kissing a fucking girl-that's it!"

The hush that sets in is so intense. I feel the heat on me now.

_Shaaaaame on you Axel, shame._

"Retard." Namine spats out.

I feel a hard smack come across my face.

"You fucking bitch..." But somewhere inside of me, I knew I deserved it.

If not from Sora, at least from someone he cares about.

"That was for Sora...if you weren't going to be faithful then you should've hit the fucking curb! You asshole...he's way too good for you! You're the only stupid bitch here now, you and Larxene! Now because of you...I hope you rot in hell Axel!"

I start laughing, because I'm so pissed.

Namine grabs Kairi's arm and leads her away ,"Later, Hiro."

"Ladies." He waves 'em off as I step away.

Hiro walks up, patting me on the shoulder, "What happened?"

"...I already told you what happened."

I push his hand away and crawl into the tent.

**-x-**

"You boys are home early?"  
>"Change of plans. Is Donny home?" I ask going up the stairs.<br>"No he just-"

"-Good."

I close myself in my room and throw my bag onto the ground. My brain is racked with questions waiting to be answered. I don't know where to start.

I check my phone and see ten missed calls from him and a few texts.

Just as I'm reviewing his texts, he calls.

"What do you want?"  
>"Did you really just leave?"<br>"Yeah Axel, I really just left."

"Why?"  
>"Do you think that for one fucking second I would want to be there with you? You've been telling me this whole fucking time that you didn't like her...So why the fuck were you kissing her?"<br>He sighs, "It's not what you think."

I'm quiet, waiting for the next dumb thing to fly out of his mouth.

"...Shit Sora, you're acting as though I was fucking her."

I chuckle, "From the looks of your face you might as well been."

"It was just a kiss."  
>"No, it wasn't. No one kisses long enough to get caught. So what's your next stupid excuse, huh?"<p>

"What's the fucking point Sora? You're leaving to Twilight Town in two weeks, what's the point?"  
>"You're right Axel, what <em>is<em> the point when you ask someone out, huh? What _is _the real point of asking someone out, when you have no intentions on acting like a normal fucking boyfriend..._you dumb-ass." _

He laughs, "Why are you so fucking jealous, Sora?"  
>"Don't be so fucking smug, Axel."<p>

"Riku must've had his hands fulls, huh?"

Now he's done it.

I almost give him the pleasure of my internal gasp. I ball my fists, clear anger seeping from me now.

I laugh, "Oh you narcissistic bastard!"

"Oh-oh, Sora's using big words again _we better hide_."  
>"Go fuck yourself you conceited fuck!"<br>"Hmph. _Gladly."_

I hang up and take the batteries right out of my phone.

I wish people would stop doing this to me.

I almost cry, but manage to internalize it instead.

**-x-**

I stay up late, Axel stomping out my brain matters with the subtle fact that he exists.

Soon, t.v does jack shit to get my mind off of him.

Everything I saw.

Everything he said to me.

It repeats, over and over and over again.

I can't fucking stand him!

I stand up and knock on Roxas' door. He doesn't answer after a while so I step in. I make my way to his medicine cabinet nonchalantly after looking around for a few seconds.. His Xanax was long gone, so I look at the bottle next to it.

Vicodin.

Never had it, but I remember it being a big deal in school.

At one point everyone wanted it, even Riku told me how they felt when he broke his arm—fucking amazing.

But that could've been because of his arm being in pain and all.

_What the hell...wouldn't hurt to try._

_...Wait, why does Roxas have Vicodin?_

I take a closer look at the bottle and realize that it's his Dad's.

"The fuck dude?"  
>I stare at him with a stupefied face on.<p>

He frowns.

"It's not even yours!" I whine.

"So? It's more of mine than it is yours!"

I drop the bag on the counter, pulling out the coke that had fallen out of my bag on the boat earlier.  
>"Two lines. You can take it or leave it."<p>

I put it on the counter and cross my arms. He laughs, "What, the fuck, is _that,_ Sora?"

I shrug, "...Cocaine."  
>He starts laughing and laughing and laughing, making me regret making the offer.<p>

"If you don't want it-"

"-E for effort, let's go. I've got a better idea."

**-x-**

"Where'd you get this shit?" He inspects the crystalline powder under his desk light. Roxas had sprinkled the contents across a small mirror.

"It's Axel's."  
>"Really?"<p>

I nod, still mad at the thought of that bastard. He shakes his head, "What the hell happened between you guys?"  
>I shake my head, refusing to answer.<p>

"It's uncut. Real good." I continue on about the coke.

He looks at the coke, to me then back at the coke.  
>"...Seriously?" Roxas quiets his voice in disbelief.<p>

I nod again.

"...Nah_...Really?"  
>"<em>His friend got it from Costa Del Sol."

"I'll see about that..."Roxas says skeptically and I roll my eyes.

I see him put two huge pills onto the mirror. One on each side of the coke pile.

"What are you doing?" I ask curiously, watching him over his shoulder like a hawk.

"You'll see..."

He crushes the pills into a fine dust with a lighter, and cuts four fine lines from both of the piles.

Inside his drawer he takes out two straws and cuts both in half.

"Two for you, and two for me."  
>"What's going on?" I ask, now completely lost of the goal we were achieving here.<p>

"Watch."  
>He sits down at his seat, putting the straws up both nostrils before snorting both at once.<p>

"Jesus Christ." I remark out loud as he continues up his steady lines.

"Brutal..." I watch with a grimace, amazed at what he's putting away.

He finishes though, and he stands up, going to the bathroom. "Shit that's good..."I hear him snorting water now, and things get a bit intimidating.

My palms sweat as I take the seat. I breathe out deeply. I look at my straws before plugging them in my nostrils uncomfortably.

Slowly, I snort up both lines at once until it's gone. I feel tinges of stinging, but nothing too bad.

_That wasn't so...ow...ow...OW_

"AH!'' I grab my nostril and sink to the ground in pain, my tears were running from this one.

"Snort some water!" I hear Roxas from the bathroom.

My heart races and waves of euphoria oh my god it's like I see the light.

I jump up and open the faucet in the bathroom. I cup some water in my hands and snort it.

Unbeknownst to me, the after math taste of coke and Vicodin came rushing down the back of my throat in some ungodly taste I don't ever want to know of again.

"AHHH!" I cough, choking on a combination of grossness and pain.

Oh god the pain.

"This was a horrible idea..."I hunch over the sink, coughing my lungs out.

"Haha...hahahaha...HHAHAAAHAHHA."  
>I hear Roxas and he makes me start laughing.<p>

I feel the air shifting around me, and I sit in Roxas' beanbag chair.

He soon joins me and we can't even speak for a while.

Soon Roxas asks, "Wanna play live?"  
>"...I don't know...Yeah. Yeah, I do."<p>

He starts up a game and I stare at the ceiling, feeling myself melt away in the ultimate pleasure of relaxation.

Axel has bruised my mind, but the medicine is easing the pain away.

I can't feel a damn thing.

"Zero fucks..." I express loudly.

Roxas laughs.

"What happened?" He asks once more.

I roll my eyes over to him.

He smiles highly.

"Axel was making out with Larxene. Had fucking lipstick all over his fucking face..." I wave my hands in front of my face.  
>Roxas mouth slowly drops, and I nod my head.<p>

"...That's what happened. Then he said something about me and jealousy and...I don't remember, I don't really care it wasn't important."

We laugh.

Time is some fucked shit in my head.

Fast...slow.

I can't even.

I don't care.

"It's over though."  
>"You win some...you lose some."<p>

We started smoking some weed, and only got ten minutes into our game before we started nodding off. I tried hard to keep my eye's peeled, but it was impossible. It was as though my eyes had rolled to the back of my head and checked out.

We must have looked like two fucked up zombies.

There's a knock on the door and our eyes instantly snap open.  
>"Roxas is Sora in there?" Mom calls out.<p>

"Y-yeah. I'm in here." I sit up slightly, acting as though I'm alert.  
>"Oh, okay. I went shopping for groceries so you boys help yourselves out okay? I'm going to bed."<p>

I suddenly feel this weirdly empathetic, I call out.

"I love you mom."

"Yeah, love you." Roxas says after.

"I love you too boys. Night."

We hear the soft padding of moms feet disappear, and here her enter her room.

_I hope she'll be okay without me._

"I'm taking some...with me..." I say before standing up.

But Roxas isn't really responsive, he's just nodding off.

I grab a handful of Vicodin from the bottle and toss them in my pocket before sitting down again.

I slap the side of his knee, "Go get food."  
>"Fuck you..." He blinks slowly, nodding off again.<br>"Please, come on please? Please? Please? Please?"

"_Sora..."_

"_Please?"_  
>"...Okay."<p>

Before Roxas gets back, I pass out cold.

**-x-**

My days are up. I've only got hours on Destiny, then I'm catching a flight out with Roxas.

Most of my stuff is gone inside my car on a ferry, halfway to Twilight by now.

I've been sleeping in Roxas' room since we got back because...I just don't want to feel alone.

Like we used to, when it was just the two of us.

I wake up in the middle of the night because my phone's ringing.

"Hello..."

"Where the hell are you? I'm outside your window like a fucking squirrel!"

"Kairi...?Hold on..."  
>I stand up and pull a shirt over me before sneaking out of Roxas' room.<p>

I open the door and see her peeking inside my window in a large hoodie.

I rush over to the window and open it for her. "I was about to have a heart attack...I thought you might've left last night."  
>"What are you doing?"<p>

Once inside she takes off these ridiculously over-sized gloves meant to protect her hands and her hoodie.

"If that stupid bastard could do it...so could I." She breathed out heavily. She opened her backpack and handed me a jar filled with sand and seashells.

"I don't have long, I'm supposed to be at the airport in thirty minutes. But I'm gonna miss you, and I want you to know that I love you."  
>Kairi grabs me tight and squeezes. She smells so great, like always.<p>

"Kairi...I love you too." I squeeze back.

We embrace for as long as we could before we hear a honk outside.

"Promise me we'll hang out as soon as possible." She starts pulling on her hoodie and gloves again.

"Promise."  
>"And one more thing."<br>"What?"  
>"Don't ever hook up with a guy like Axel again."<p>

"I'm naive not stupid."

She giggles, kissing my cheek before climbing down the rickety garden ladder.

"You're my knight in shining armor." I call out to her once she reaches the bottom.

She puffs her chest out, making me laugh one last time before leaving my yard. I see her ride drive away, and I close my window.

I take the jar and sneak back into Roxas' room. I set the jar next to my bag and settle back into bed.

I curl up into a little ball, tinges of fear and excitement tickling me as I fell asleep.

**-x-**

We wake up only seconds apart before just lying there, staring at each other.

He frowns.

I could tell he was less than happy to see me off.

"You better call me everyday."  
>"I will."<br>"Any word from Axel?"

_Axel._

It's becoming really hard to tolerate that name.  
>"No. And I hope it stays that way till the day I die."<br>"I don't blame you. Maybe today we could go to the old hangout?"  
>I turn on my side, "Maybe."<p>

"You can't avoid that place forever. It's like our home away from home Sora."

I shrug.

I haven't been there ever since Riku dropped me on my birthday.

Last thing I want is to deal with another ex.

**-x-**

It's fucking hot out.

But I guess that's just any other day on Destiny. After a grueling morning of arguing Roxas finally convinced me to go to the island with him. It used to be the greatest place—greater than the promenade that's only open for half a year. We'd have late night parties and play games until our parents called.

I wish I could hit rewind sometimes.

"I think I'm done with dating."  
>"No you're not, you just need a more <em>mature<em> dude." We grabbed a small boat and start rowing to the old hangout.

"No. I think I'm just going to go back into the dark closet, and come out a straight guy."

Roxas sighs.

I wonder what it would be like to be straight for a change. Yeah, my heart wouldn't be in it and I'd probably end up screwing with some girls mind to the point that she'd want me dead...but what if I'm actually happy in the end?

I tilt my head back, focusing on the light blue skies, "I mean I'm moving, aren't I? I can just start over, get a girlfriend and knock her up. Have a family and die after seventy years of sweet nothing."

"Dude, you really think it would go down that way?"

…..Fat chance, Sora.

"That would only work for so long. You'd love your wife until she hired the college kid next door to clean the pool. Next thing you know, you're masturbating every time the pool-boy comes over. You know the wife and kids won't be home til late so why not? You'll make an advance at him eventually. Maybe he fucks you, maybe he doesn't. One thing's for sure though, your wife and kids find out and disown you. Your legacy as a straight honest man will be ruined, and you'll be paying for the divorce until the day you die in the back of a dirty sex shop, wankin' it to gay porn. Alone, old, and regretting the day you fell back into the closet."

"...Oh, what do you know?"

"A lot. And I've still dated more people than you, _older brother. _If you want someone serious you're gonna have to go up the age ladder."  
>"I don't want a gross old guy as my boyfriend."<p>

I imagine the sight of saggy nipples, liver spots, and a limp pink dick. Crooked yellow teeth and a bald spot.

I shudder.

Ugh, no thanks. No thanks.

"How old is old to you?"  
>"Mmm...twenty three...twenty four."<br>"Really?"

"Yeah." I sit up.

"_Really?"_

"I think a six year difference is quite a bit. By the time I'm twenty four they'd be thirty and probably lookin' stale and pasty." We laugh.

"Whatever. I'd take a MILF over another teenage boobies any day."  
>"Don't vagina's look weird after a few kids?"<br>"Yeah, but they heal after awhile I think. Besides, it doesn't hurt if you don't look too hard. Pence's mom is pretty damn hot."  
>"That's gross..." I remember Pence's mother. She was always nice and eager to feed. She was especially curvaceous and thickly herself, with a head of dark curls that made her look like a pinup model from the fifties. Roxas and Hayner always stared her down when they got the chance, getting cursed out by Pence in the end. I thought she was pretty too, but I wasn't going crazy over her tits like my brother and our friends.<p>

Huh, maybe that was my first sign.

"No no no! I've seen her lately, she has a body like a twenty SEVEN year old woman. It's magnificent, especially thinking that she popped out a kid like Pence, oh ya, she's a winner."

We were only seven.

"You disgust me."

The old hangout was just as I remembered the last time I was here. White sands danced across the beach as the light breeze came in.

"Like paradise. Right?" Roxas nudged me, grinning. We walk around for a while before coming across the cave.

"Shit. Scarier than I remembered..."

We stand over the small entrance.

"Think there's like...like, a murder in there?" Roxas laughs.  
>"A homeless guy maybe. It'd be a pretty stupid place for a murderer to hang out in. No people to murder."<p>

"He's not looking for people, he's looking for kids."

"So, kids aren't people?"  
>"Well, no."<p>

We crawl into the cave and look around at our old drawings. The white marks from the stone had aged, and some had even washed away. Even with that though, plenty of our drawings and sketches remained.

"I'm gonna miss this place..." I glide my fingers across the rugged stones.

The kingdoms we drew...

"Promise me you'll take care of mom once I'm gone." I say.

"What?"  
>"Take care of mom when I'm gone. Until you leave...and we can't help her anymore."<p>

He sighs.

I know he doesn't like to think of it.

"Yeah, I can do that."

I walk over to the old door we all used to be afraid of.

In all my eighteen years of living here, I've never seen this door budge open once. I push on it and am reminded of the sturdiness.

_I wish I could stay here forever..._

"I'm gonna go check out the other side, see if anyone else is here."  
>"Okay."<br>"Don't sulk too long, I brought our swords for a reason. Here." He comes over and shoves it in the side of my belts.

"Always looking like a hero, right?" He smiles.

"Right."

Roxas leaves and I sulk around for a while, staring at all of my old drawings in particular. The one that catches my eye is my rendering of Riku and I when we had our one year anniversary.

I stare until my eyes dry out.

We etched one another with paopu fruits...

–

"_Here."_

"_What is it?" I ask as I sketch our faces into the stone. Riku drops the paopu fruit in my lap, two bites obviously taken out of it._

_I stop my sketching before looking back._

_He's turned away slightly, eyes on the ground._

_Blushing._

"_I love you..."He murmurs, wiping juices from the fruit away from his mouth._

_I'm speechless._

_My hands tremble as I pick up the fruit, "...Really?"  
>"I didn't stutter, did I?"<em>

_I smile, standing up with the fruit in my hand. I take the biggest bite my mouth could muster and swallow before slamming my lips into his._

"_I love you too, Riku."_

–

"Hey."

I gasp slightly, startled by Riku's sudden intrusion. I stay put, staring at the rocky wall.

"What...do you want?"

I hate being around him.

Because whenever I am...all I can think about is telling him how much I love him.

How sorry I am.

How I want him back.

It never fucking ends in my head...when he's around.

"I'm not here to start anything-I'm sorry."

"For what? You don't have to apologize to me."  
>"Well...I am."<p>

We sat in this awkward silence before I couldn't handle it anymore.

I stand up, and try to make away, but he stops me.  
>"Please, wait. I-I know I'm taking forever...I don't want you to hate me."<br>"...You're stupid. Move." He steps aside for me and I start my way through the hole.

"Why am I stupid?" I hear him ask me and I stop in the middle of the crawl space.

I hesitate giving him an important piece of information.

Will he use it against me?

How much more can I be used, really?

"...You know why you're stupid? Because no matter what you do to me, _I will never hate you."_

I start crawling again and I can almost here the _"Really?" _coming from his lips.

"I said all of those things, because I was jealous...that you had moved on so fast. Things between me and Frances haven't been going as great as I had thought..."

_Wonder why..._

"So seeing you and Axel all buddy buddy just...I don't know...It got to me."

"I know."

We walk out of the cave. I look around for Roxas, but no sign of him. I start walking to the paopu tree as Riku follows behind like some lost puppy.

I can't be around him.

I just can't.

"So?"  
>"So? What? What do you want with me?"<p>

We stand in front of the tree we used to share, I haven't sat on it since my birthday.

I can't.

Riku leans against the tree, "Why don't you hate me?"

Maybe it's his warm smile, when he chooses to do so.

Or his eyes that remind me of the endless ocean.

Maybe it's his silky white hair, that illuminates how beautiful he is.

"Sora?" He raises his brow slightly, probably wondering why I'm staring off.

Is it the way you talk to me, when it's just the two of us?

I'm reminded of the way you used to hold me. So far no one can hold a candle up to you in my mind, you stupid fool...

–

"_Now, promise me you'll be a good boy."  
><em>

_The skies are cloudy today. I look back at Roxas, him still in his green jammies playing with our building blocks and action figures. Dad is at the table, reading the newspaper as usual._

_I look down at my brand new light-up sneakers and Hercules lunch box. I tap the wall lightly, and watch the light show. As cool as they are, they aren't doing me any good right now. I rub my eyes, my lunch rattling inside of my lunch box as I rub harder and harder._

"_Can I stay home?"  
>Mom smiles, picking me up. "No, it's time for you to go to school. Aren't you excited?"<br>I shake my head._

"_Why not."  
>"Roxy isn't coming with me."<br>"Are you scared?"  
>I nod.<em>

_She kisses me on the forehead, "You'll be fine today. It's only going to be a little while until Roxy's with you. And by then I'm sure you would've already made some friends. Now wave bye to daddy and Roxas."_

_I push my head into her shoulders, before waving goodbye. Dad blows me a kiss, and Roxas stands up, handing me a pink block. We make eye contact._

_I mouth some words._

_He mouths some back and we smile._

–

_Mom puts me in the back seat of big blue. I slap on the white seats as she warms the car up. I flip to the front seat and start opening and closing the glove department as I bounced._

"_Sora settle down. You've been acting so strange lately...Sit in the back and put on your seat-belt." She murmurs._

_I flip to the back, pretending to be a dolphin as I did so before putting on my seat-belt._

_She checks it before driving off._

_The skies are light purplish blue, and I see street light after street light as she drives me down to preschool._

_Once we got there I was welcomed by the teacher. She was a nice lady, wearing a long skirt and dark blue turtle neck. She has on these big glasses that remind me of bug eyes. The air smells like fresh dough, and kids are running around every where._

"_Good to see you again, Sora." She says joyously._

_My mom hugs me, "Be a good boy now, okay?"  
>I nod, squeezing her tight before she let go.<em>

_She leaves and the teacher leads me to some cubbies. "Here's where you put your stuff."_

_After she helped me get my stuff situated, I walked amongst the other kids alone._

_Some played with each other, some alone._

_I held onto the pink block that Roxy gave me tight, as I navigated to the least dense spot in the room._

_I sat quietly, scared. I looked around at the puzzle piece mat, toys scattered every where on the floor. _

_After a while, I got up the courage to pick up a toy. It was a nice enough plane, slick and black with two gray propellers up front._

_Before I could fly it, a bigger kid comes up and snatches the toy away, "MINE."_

_I look down and pick up my pink block again. Before I can cherish the fact that I still have a toy from home, he snatches it away as well, "MINE."_

_I frown, standing up and snatching my toy back,"No, it's MINE."  
><em>

_His lip begins to quiver, and I sit back down, satisfied with my courage. Dad would be proud._

_Then, I feel a crash on my head, followed by another, and another._

_I cover my head and start to cry._

_CRASH CRASH CRASH!_

_I start feeling dizzy._

"_Stop it! Stop!" I hear another kid come to my aid. "Teacher! Teacher!" A bunch of kids call for her._

_I look up and pat my head. I feel liquid soaking my hair and look at my fingers._

_Blood._

_He had white hair, and was pushing this huge kid away from me._

_I stand up, with my pink block, and begin smashing it upon the kids head until he began bleeding as well._

_Though I wasn't mad, I was doing it as a formality of some sort._

_He ran away crying, the kid with the white hair nearly follows him before looking back at me._

"_Whoa." Was all he could say. A girl ran up to him and hugged his arm, "I'm scared." She whispers._

"_What's going on? Sora?! What happened?"  
><em>

–

_I sit in the office alone. The teachers talking to my mom in the other room, and I know I'm in trouble._

_I see the boy and the girl again, spying around the corner. She gets scared and hides, but the boy comes up to me._

"_What's your name?"_

"_...Sora."  
>"I'm Riku."<em>

_Despite my bloodied hand, he held out his. We shook hands._

"_Don't mind Selphie, she's not used to stuff like that but I am. T__hat's quiet__ a beating you gave that kid back there. Yeah, my pa said somefin' like this might happen."_

_I didn't know what to say, I was so shy. I kicked my shoes up against the chair and watched them light up._

_He kicks his and they light up too._

_I get excited and he smiles._

"...Because. You were my best friend before my boyfriend."

"That's it?"  
>I nod.<p>

He blinks.

"Really?"

"Yes."  
>"I...still want to be your friend. I'm sorry I dumped you on your birthday, I'm sorry I two timed you. I'm sorry I've been such a bitch." He rubs the back of his head feverishly.<br>"Geez Riku, you're starting to make me feel bad."

Not really.

But, kind of.

...I know I haven't been completely honest to Riku, despite him being honest with me.

"I'm sorry."  
>"Quit saying that, you sound like a girl."<p>

I soften up a bit, and lean up against the tree next to him.

"Well THAT'S a first coming from _you."_

We laugh together for the first time in ages.

"What are you doing here?"

I shrug, "Roxas thought I should come here at least once before I move."  
>"You're moving?" Riku looks to me and I nod, "Tomorrow morning I'm catching my flight out with Roxas to Twilight Town."<br>"Oh...how's things between you and Axel going?" He mutters out, as though he's half-half on hearing it.

I knew he'd ask me sooner or later. I almost want to lie, say we're doing fine.

But that'd be stupid.

No point in making anyone jealous.

"We broke up." Ugh, my gut drops.  
>"Oh...I'm...sorry." He turns his head slightly away, but I can sense his smile.<p>

"That's the least genuine sorry I've heard you say all day."

"Can you blame me? I hate him." He chuckles.

"Sora! Are we doing this or what? I'm gonna start hitting myself if you don't!" Roxas calls from down below. He holds up the sword, hitting himself in the face.

"I'm coming!"

"Yeah whatever." Roxas lays back on the sand and starts making sand angels.

"Is Roxas moving with you?"  
>"Not until he graduates...he could graduate early if he put his mind to it. Slacker."<br>"He learns his slacking from the best." Riku ruffles my hair and we walk over to Roxas.

"Finally, I thought I'd have to start beating myself harder."

After the first round we sustained enough splinters to call it quits. Our arms developed bleeding welts. Roxas was dumb enough to go another round with Riku, where he was instantly smacked in the face by the sword. We mess around for the whole day, finding things to do on this little old island we always called our home.

Like the good old days.

As Roxas sailed back to the mainland me and Riku stayed behind to watch the sunset on the docks.

"You've changed." He blurts out of nowhere.

"Again? I could definitely say the same about you..."

"I know. Does this mean I'm not barred from texting you?"  
>I shrug, "Depends on what you text me." I stand up, stretching my limbs.<p>

"Taking off so soon?"  
>"Aren't you?"<br>He looks away from me, "Nah, don't wanna go home yet."  
>I smile, "Fair enough."<p>

He laughs. "See you later alligator."

"Ugh, you're killing me with that shit."

I laugh, ruffling his hair before jumping on my boat. He waves me off.

_...I've missed you._


	15. Chapter 15

_He's leaving tomorrow..._

I stare off my back porch into the ocean, staring my phone down as though he'll call me soon.

I know he won't...

Smoking cigarettes, one after another.

I know I should talk to him...at least to say sorry.

But then again, what's the fucking point?  
>He's left me behind.<p>

I call Saix up.

"Yeah?"

"You've got yourself a partner."  
>"Oh? Why the change of heart?"<p>

"Shut up and tell me what you want me to do." I grumble.

"Come over tomorrow. Don't bring anybody. Goodnight."

He hangs up and I drag myself inside to the kitchen. I look in every pantry until I find my moms secret wine stash.

"Whatcha up to?" Hiro walks in casually, putting his dishes in the sink.

"Still upset?"

I ignore him and pop the bottle open with a cork screw.

He sighs loudly before leaving the kitchen.

**-x-**

My eyes open just as fast as they were closed. I look over at Roxas' clock and see that it is indeed time to wake up.

I'm overly excited, jumping on top of Roxas, "Wake up."

I hit him with my pillow and he covers his face, "Soooraaaa...the alarm didn't go off yet."  
>"Get uuuuup!"<br>Roxas turns onto his stomach, covering his head with a pillow.

I start disturbing the space around him, grabbing his shoulders and bouncing, "Vrrrooooooom!Beep beep! Errrrrr!"

"Sora!"  
>He pushes up and flings me on the floor before hiding under the blanket.<p>

"No you don't." I grab his ankles and start pulling him out of bed as he laughs.

"Stop!"

We begin wrestling and mom knocks on the door. We freeze in each others arms, looking at eachother and to the door.

"You boys are being too loud." Mom groans.

"Sorry..." We say.

"Are you boys up?"  
>"Obviously." I slap Roxas and we start rough housing again.<p>

"Don't forget you need to be at the airport an hour before your flight."

"Okay, we know."

Roxas and I can't go through one step of getting ready without fucking around.

We go to the bathroom to brush our teeth.

"Give me some toothpaste."

He grins deviously as he squeezes a normal amount onto his toothbrush.

"Don't screw around."  
>"Okay...here you go." He squeezes at least half a tube of toothpaste onto my brush. I fling the excess in his face and he immediately grabs his eye, "Fuck!"<br>I make an O shape with my mouth and he sees me in the mirror, "Motherfucker!"

After we brush our teeth we start getting dressed. I try hopping into my jeans and Roxas sweeps his leg under mine, tripping me up and making me fall flat on my face.

He starts laughing hysterically as tears rush to my eyes from the pressure my nose received. I roll over and hold my nose, "Asshole!"

"I'm sure my clothes cushioned the fall."

I look under me and see nothing but underwear, "Fuck you...clean your room when you come back."

**-x-**

The airport is big.

Lots of people rushed around, I'm wondering if Twilight's going to be busy all the time.

We go through security with no problem and sat in front of our gate now. We watch planes land and take off with amazement.

"How big do you think it is over there?" I ask nervously.

They call our gate and we get up.

"Chances are HUGE. At least you can go on real road trips now."

The plane is small and we take our seats. Only now does the fear of flying set in and I strap myself tight into my seat.

After a few minutes the plane is still on hold.

I pick up the pamphlet from the back of the seat in front of me.

_What to do in case of an emergency...?_

I open the pamphlet and flip through it.

Fires...

Crashing into land or water...

_Eh..._

As much as it's information I probably need to know, it's freaking me the fuck out. I put it back and the intercom starts.

The pilot introduces himself and tells us whats going on.

I grab Roxas' hand as I hear the engine start and pull my hoodie over my eyes.

The plane begins to tilt, speed picks up.

"Sora look!"  
>I shake my head.<p>

"Look!" He pulls the hoodie off my eyes. I hear a boom and we're off ground. I look outside as we climb the heights, higher and higher until we see the entirety that is the ocean. Eventually, we're above clouds.

"Whooaaa..." Once I saw the round sun beaming above these thick white clouds that go on for miles, I was hooked.

It's exactly what heaven would look like.

I dozed off staring outside the window and woke up as we started to land.

"Are we here already?"

Roxas nods.

**-x-**

"This place is freakin' huge man!"

We take our first steps on new ground. The first thing I see is a large clock tower, probably miles out yet still the most visible. "So, what do we do first?"  
>I shrug, still kinda shell shocked by my new environment.<p>

"Don't you need to pick up your car? Mom said we need to go to the TC. The map said it should be somewhere that way."

I sit down, actually really freaked out about the scene.

"Sora?" Roxas looks over his shoulder.

How the fuck am I supposed to live here?

I can't even turn on a computer right.

I should've just enlisted in an apprenticeship program back at home.

"Yeah, let's go."  
>We board the nearly empty train and take off towards the beach, where the loading docks were. I throw my bag on the floor, and ask Roxas to hand me my surfboard bag.<p>

Upon closer inspection, I saw dirty tire tracks streaked across the top.

"That doesn't look good." Roxas leans over my shoulder.

I unzip the bag and see the large crack in my surfboard through the protective wrapping.

"Son of a bitch..." I unwrap part of it.

All I could do was stare down at my baby.

My poor baby, they killed him.

I look at Roxas and he shakes his head, "They broke it."

Another piece of my heart dies and falls off.

"Can't you just fix it? Sora? Sora?"He shakes me but I'm silent as my finger runs down the crack.

Along the way, Demyx finally joins us.

"HEY!" He plops down on the big cushioned seats in front of us.  
>"This train takes forever!" Roxas whines to him.<p>

"Well it's not a speeding bullet, this is gonna take forever. How are you doing, Sora?"

I just shake my head.

"The airlines busted his board."  
>"Board? What board?"<br>"Surfboard."  
>"Ouch. You should sue them."<p>

"And what, shell out more than twice as much as his board costs for a lawyer?"

"Good point."

They stare at me stare at my board for a while before getting bored and talking amongst themselves.

_Why...? Why my board?_

Roxas props himself against me and begins napping.

I zip my board back up and toss it on the ground carelessly.

"How's it going?" Demyx asks me.

I shake my head, "Horrible."

"I see that, you look sad, like a dead puppy."

I look at him.

"Okay, wrong analogy. But you look pretty...bloodless."

I sigh, "I'm trying."  
>"Have you talked to Axel?"<br>I shake my head, "The last thing we said to each other was along the lines of 'fuck you' and 'go to hell'."

My stomach drops at the thought of him.

I wonder what he's up to.

"I tried texting him, but all he told me was that I shouldn't of helped you, and to fuck off."  
>"Oh, I'm...sorry Dem."<br>He shrugs, "It's alright. Axel's always been an asshole like that. He'll come to."

**-x-**

I show up at the address Saix texted me at nine. The place isn't bad, a one story flat in a neighborhood filled with kids and old people.

I knock on the door and hear two loud ass dogs start barking, I mean these fuckers sound ruthless. He answers as though he was not expecting me, staring through the crack of his door with his shirt off and his blue hair a mess.

"Oh."

He undoes the rest of the locks and lets me in.

Two huge rottweilers greet me. I feel like they're smelling for edible, eligible meat.

"Protection." He comments, grabbing a cigarette and leading me to the kitchen. A few blankets are scattered on the floor and I notice he has no furniture whatsoever in the living room.

He at least had one really nice wooden table in the kitchen, yet crates for chairs.

"The fuck Sai?"  
>"The table was nice, I got a good deal on it."<br>"Couldn't buy anything else? Like a few chairs and a bed maybe?"

"I could sleep on the table if I want to for now, I could sit on it too. It's the most logical thing I've bought with the little money I have."

"Spoken like a true coke head..."

_The most logical? I would've invested in some blow up bed and a fold out table, not some medieval hunk of wood..._

He had scales and small piles of coke layed out neatly.

"Ready to work?" He asks groggily.

"You sound tired."  
>"I've been cutting and bagging this shit since last night. My dealer wants it all gone by next month."<p>

"Let me guess, you've been snorting to stay up too, huh?"

He nods, "I can't anymore though, I'm backed up in both nostrils and I don't feel like shooting up shit. If I did, I wouldn't be working...Wash your hands."

He leaves me alone in the kitchen.

I notice cans of food layed out open yet barely touched. Wonder how long he's lived here.

I sit down at the table when Saix lugs in a box.

"I'm bored already."  
>"Help yourself, but it's cut so don't expect to be flying happy."<br>I shrug, "Whatever."

I roll up a card I find on the table,"Which pile?"  
>"Any. It doesn't matter."<br>I pick the one closes to me and set aside a small line.

Once I'm zipped we start bagging.

"What made you change your mind?"  
>I sigh, "...I don't want to be that serious."<br>"Typical you."  
>"Yeah."<p>

…_.Yeah._

"So, what really happened? Did he dump you?"  
>"...No."<br>"Did you dump him?"

"...No."  
>"So he dumped you. Why did he dump you?"<p>

"Gah..." I groan.

"I was making out with Larxene. And he caught me."  
>"...Oh."<p>

_Goddamn Sai, even the way you react makes me feel bad._

"_Oh? _What do you mean by _'oh'?"_

He shrugs, "I would've took my chances on someone better than Larxene."  
>I shake my head, "You don't know..."<br>"She gave you some bullshit talk about how she cared about you, right?"

I look at him.

"She wants you ruined, you know that?"  
>"What? What do you mean?!"<br>He shrugs again," I won't say more. Don't need to, you know better than to associate with a girl like that. And you _won't _be associating yourself with her once you officially start, understand?"

I stare at Saix, questions buzzing around in my head. What the hell is up her sleeve? What the fuck have I done...?

What's gonna happen from here on out?

"You need to meet with my boss before we start selling. We're taking a trip soon. Don't know where. And if you're smart, you won't even give Larxene the time of day once we're working. She's in a lot of debt...anyone within a twenty foot radius of that fly is gonna get lit up. Sooner or later..."

**-x-**

After two hours we're still riding on this godforsaken train. I've seen a lot of places I want to visit, a lot of things I want to do.

The sights are nice, but man I'm bored.

The thought of my board being busted infuriates me.

"Thinking of going to a club?"  
>"Club?"<br>"You know," He grins, "To meet new guys. Wink wink, grind grind."  
>I blush, "I don't think I'd be able to put myself out like that."<br>"Well, getting over an ex is sort of like getting over a dead pet. You don't want to, but you inevitably feel like shit until you buy a new pet to replace it. Same with relationships." Dem flies his hands around in the air as though it makes his take on things more...believable.

"That's not how it works..."

And then I couldn't hear Demyx anymore.

At least, I stopped paying attention.

This tall stranger struts on by our seats, a long red ponytail coming down his back.

With hair that pretty, I'm dying to see his face.

I anxiously wait like a creep, my head facing the window just so I don't seem _too_ weird.

He sits in a spot where I can get a good view of him, but I'm so freaked out that I don't look for a while. I go a long with Demyx's chitter chatter, and as soon as I looked...

…_He's..._

He's amazing.

He's beautiful.

Red spikey hair pushed up off his forehead by goggles, giving me a better view of his penetrating eyes.

I see two red slices on his cheek bones beside his eyes.

Perfect.

I can't see one thing out of place about him.

"Looks like someone found their target..." Demyx teases and I blush.

"Did not."

"Did to. And this coincides with my theory that all you need to get over one person is another person. Science!"

I cross my arms, becoming self-conscious.

Time goes by and I find myself wondering about this guy.

Who is he?

Where did he come from?

With a face like his, it's hard to think modest thoughts.

"He probably knows you're staring."  
>"I'm not staring."<br>"Yes, you are."  
>"...No..."<br>"So hard, your eyes are popping out." He grins.

"Pshh..." I look out the window.

"..."

"..."

"_...So, who's that guy?"_

"His name is Reno."

"..."  
>"..."<p>

"..."

_Oi Dem...you're making me work._

"_...And?"_

Dem chuckles, a gleam in his eye.

He clears his throat loudly.

At first the guy doesn't react. "Demyx what the fuck are you doing...?" I regret ever staring.

Demyx clears his throat even louder, making the stranger eye us from across the few rows of seats.

Dem waves widely and he finally stands up.

"Hi, Dem. I hear you all the way across the train."  
>"<em>That's the point...<em>Hey stranger! What brings you here?" Demyx laughs. I want to slap him already.  
>"Back from business. You?"<p>

_Please don't bring me in the conversation please don't bring me in the conversation-_

"Helping this guy move!" Dem points to me and I feel the uncomfortable pressure to not sound stupid.

"Oh?" Reno smiles to me and I don't want to but I know I am...

I'm blushing, probably.

I'm trying not to, but I was never sure of how to do that to begin with.

"Hi." I say shyly.  
>"This is Sora and his brother Roxas."<p>

"Wow, you guys look exactly alike, are you twins?" Reno leans in closer, seeping my breath away.

"No, we're only nine months apart."  
>"Wait, you guys aren't actually twins?" Dem sits up and looks over to Roxas.<p>

"Of course not."

"Crazy. Reno?"  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Where'd you go?"

He looks out the window, listless, "Midgar."  
>"What'd ya do?"<br>"Geez Dem try not riding my ass once and a while and maybe you'd get somewhere."  
>"Yeah, until then my story of you being a shoe salesman is solid fact."<p>

"Where'd you go? What'd you do with your summer break?" Reno pushes back.  
>Demyx puffs out his chest, "<em>Well if you MUST <em>know...I've been runnin' round town, being cool me like usual. Then I went to Castaway. To handle _business_ too!"  
>Reno smirks, "Which is?"<br>"Cash flow, and supervision..." Demyx casually reaches over to Reno's black bag.

"Do you mind?"  
>"Not at all." Dem starts humming as he rummages through Reno's bag.<br>"Careful what you look for..." Reno's eyes stare deep into mine, he smiles. What he's telling me with his eyes, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure if it's anything at all, but his gaze is firm.

His pale green eyes...

I can't look away.

"Oh! What's this?" Dem pulls out a camcorder from his bag and flips the side panel open. Reno breaks eye contact.

"What do you need a recorder for?" Dem sits up and starts filming us both, panning off to Roxas before eventually recording outside.

"Why does anyone have a camcorder for?"  
>"Mmm...I don't know. Kids...if you have 'em. You don't have kids, do you Reno?"<p>

"No."

"Family...got a brother or sis?"  
>"Only child."<p>

"Business...where do you work?"

"At a bar."  
>"Last time we met you said you worked at a factory!"<p>

Reno looks seriously stuck to his lie, his lips pursing. Demyx started grinning, "I got you! Where do you work?"  
>"At a bar." He regains his posture.<br>"Do you murder people and film them while you're murdering them?"  
>"You're a freak..."<p>

"Do you have a pet?"  
>"No!"<p>

Demyx pans the camera back outside the window for a while. Reno shakes his head, smiling at me.

Dem pans the camera over to me again.

"...Do you make porno's?"

He captures my jaw dropping, before filming Reno's red face.

"-You're done here."

"I was right? I was right!"  
>He yanks the camera from Dem's hand and closes it before shoving it in his bag, "No you weren't..."<p>

"Did I get it right? Did I? I did, didn't I?"

"You're right, I'm a murderer."

"...Whaaat? No, I think it's porn! Maybe you...like, I don't know, kill people and then film yourself fucking their dead bodies?"

An old lady has physically sat up to look at who's having such a disturbing conversation behind her. She was so disturbed, I had to hold in from laughing at a completely wrong situation.

Dem continues, unaware of our new guest.

"Maybe, you like, I don't know," he has the audacity to add a few hip thrusts in his seat, " Fuck 'em and then gut 'em? Like, snuff?"  
>Reno covers his face, smiling. "Dem...please shut up."<p>

"What?" He grins. I raise my brows, alerting him of our guest. His smile fades as he realizes that a senior citizen.

"Oh sh-"

Reno slaps Dem's mouth closed, "Ma'am, we are _so _sorry-"

"-Are you a murderer?"

Reno's eyes open wide, me and Dem can't help but laugh now.

"...N-No, I'm not a murderer." He stammers out.

She stares for a few more seconds, "...I hope not."

**-x-**

Dem napped next to Reno on his back. It had been my fourth and hopefully final hour on the train.

Me and Reno have been staring at Dem since he started napping. Dem's unapologetic when it comes to his wild tossing and turning, the occasional chocking on his own snores and drool. We laugh and the random sentences Dem spews out, and Reno carries a few conversations with him that make no sense.

After awhile Reno turns Dem's head so that its to the side.

"Last thing I'd want is to see him drown in his own drool..._again."_

We laugh.

I look out the window for a while, afraid of staring at him too much.

"How are you faring?" I hear him ask.  
>I shrug, "Could be better."<p>

"You keep staring out the window, something on your mind?"  
>"Not really, just new surroundings...kind of scary."<p>

"Where you from?"  
>"Destiny Island..." I sigh, already missing the sight of sandy roads and palm trees.<p>

"Everyone I know is back home except Demyx and Hayner. Starting my life over...it's not as fun as I thought it'd be. I'll live though."  
>"I know how that's like...Nothings too bad when you have people to take care of you when you're down..." He slaps Dem's face and Dem swats around before groaning.<p>

I feel him grab my hand softly, and I almost reject out of embarrassment.

I see a pen in his hand, "Do you mind?"  
>I shake my head and he begins softly writing down numbers, he stalls on the last one, nudging Dem.<p>

"Hey, what's the last four of my number?"  
>"6783..." Demyx groaned.<p>

"Thanks." He finishes his numbers.

"Text me sometime. I like you."

He slaps Demyx one last time, "Later."

Dem sits up and yawns, "Bye. Douche bag."

I couldn't believe it.

I look back down the aisle, catching one last glimpse of the red ponytail that ends at what must be the perfect ass.

_I must be dreaming._

"That's Reno for you, secretive bastard." Dem punches the glass lightly, watching Reno walk away.

"Who is he?"  
>"He's some ex-pilot or something from Midgar. He lives with a few of his ex-soldier buddies or somethin'. He's a cool guy and all, don't get me wrong. But...somethings off about the guy. Probably got knocked around one too many in whatever war he fought in...can't ever remember his own freakin' number."<p>

"Ex-pilot or something? I'm starting to question whether you even know what you're talking about..."  
>"I know more than you! And if you don't believe me...well you have his number so you can find out yourself!"<p>

"I do..." I stare at my hand like it's the holy grail.

Roxas rises up from his sleep. He blinks, "Are we there yet?"  
>"Two more stops."<br>"Ugh..." He sits up.

"You missed it, your brother just got a number."

"Really? No way...From who?"  
>"You guys..."<p>

"This guy I know, his name is Reno." Dem holds up my hand like it's his accomplishment.

"Seriously? What's he look like?"  
>"Stop talking."<br>"Another red-headed face tatted _beast_, that's who.."  
>"Really? Damn Sora, you move fast."<p>

**-x-**

After a few more stops we reach the docks. And after another painful hour of waiting, they finally release my car to me and we're free to go.

We take an easy drive all the way back across town.

The Twilight University campus was in cased by big brick walls. Open archways leading to a certain part of the campus every two blocks or so. I look up towards the skyline, amazed by these large structures I've never seen on Destiny before.

This place is bustling like a club on New Years eve.

Students walked with there parent's in every direction, looking at maps and saying goodbye.

_I wonder how mom's doing..._

I go into the registrar office and get my dorm key.

Demyx and Roxas help me carry my stuff to my dorm room which is located a mile off site. Inside it's kinda small, but still cozy. Two beds with embedded dressers are in each sides of the bed frames. A small shelf like table was nailed to the wall under the large window, giving a great view of the parking lot, and slightly beyond the brick wall into the streets.

The clock tower is still visible from the third story of the dorm.

A small kitchen like area was off to my left. All that was to it was two counters, the tiniest sink, and a few cabinets.

The mattresses have letters on them.

"Ominous..." I sit on the bed to the right and open the letter which states nothing much except what's expected of me and the rules and crap.

Dem jumps on the other bed and opens the letter.

"Dear Hayner...Hey you do get a room with him!"  
>"That's awesome." I'm amazingly relieved.<p>

After checking out the dorm for a while, Roxas urges me to go to my car with him.

"It's important."  
>"What do you mean?"<p>

"Just, come on."

I look over to Dem, "You coming?"  
>He shakes his head and yawns, "Nah. I'm actually gonna bum out all over Hayner's bed, if you don't mind?"<br>"Yeah of course he doesn't. Let's go Sora." Roxas yanks me out of the room by my wrist, barely giving me time to close the door.

"Where are we going?" We walk down one end of the long hall way before going down the concrete stairs.

"I did something, with your car."  
>"...What'd you do?"<br>He glances over at me nervously, before speeding ahead to my car.

Inside, we sit silently for a few minutes. He drove me mad, scratching at the white seats nervously.

"What is it?"  
>"Okay. Hold on. Give me your keys."<p>

I don't know what he's up to, so I hesitantly give up my keys. He climbs to the back seat and pull out the fold embedded in my seats. Inside the dip, he takes my car keys and starts jamming it in the fucking side.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" I flip out, trying to stop him.

"Wait!" He pushes me away, tearing a straight gap into the inside of my seats.

"You bitch you-"

He holds up a finger, and searches the inside of the seats.

Eventually he pulls out a reasonably large duck taped...thing.

"What the fuck is that?"  
>He comes back into the front seat and tears into the duck taped package.<p>

Out comes a big bag of weed.

I feel my blood leaving my body. I don't know where to, maybe boiling up from my rage?

"It worked!"  
>"You butchered my car for some fucking weed?!" I slap his face.<p>

"I'm sorry! But it worked!"  
>"Where the fuck do you get off!?" I slap him over and over again.<p>

"If I wanted weed I would just get a connection over here!"  
>"I'm sorry!"<br>"You could've gotten me in trouble you bastard!"  
>He laughs.<p>

I stop slapping him. Instead, I push my body up against my side of the car. Away from _him_.

"You fucked my precious car up."  
>"Your car's <em>old.<em>" He waves his hand.

"It's a classic! And you just screwed me on it's value."

"Were you planning on selling mom's old car?"  
>"No."<br>"Okay then, live and let _gooo."_ He starts opening up the bag and pulls out two crooked joints.

"I've only got a few hours until we're apart."

**-x-**

Roxas and I drive around, checking out the neighborhoods as he forces me to slow down every now and then so he could hoot at cute chicks.

"The scores of people here...This place is awesome compared to home. Shit, this place is great."  
>I laugh, sadness setting in on the fact that this IS the last time I'm hanging out with my brother for a while.<p>

A long while.

Like, not until Thanksgiving.

We park in a parking lot at what looked like an old abandoned school. Windows had been smashed out and boarded up. Graffiti covered nearly every visible surface.

He lights a joint and that starts our thirty minute hotbox escapades with included singing along to every song we knew on the radio and intense headbanging until the car shook.

Roxas slams his head on the dashboard and suggests we go.

Driving down the streets, Roxas spots a taco place.

"There!" He points, "We gotta go there!"

"Taco's?"  
>"Never had one, if there's one thing you gotta do with me, <em>it's this."<em>

I smile, gladly turning off the road and hitting the drive-thru. He crawls over to me, checking out all the menu items.

"This ones on me..." He mentions.

Before I can tell him what I want, he orders damn near everything on the menu.

"That'll be...fifty-two sixty."

"Holy shit." I blurt out.

"'Kay, thanks." Roxas says into the receiver.

We pull up to the window and I take Roxas' money and hand it over to the cashier girl.

She looks sixteen and bored out of her mind. Her blonde hair hung up in a ponytail, pushed up further by her yellow and blue visor.

She starts handing over the bags, a weird look plastered on her face. She leaves for a second and I turn to Roxas, "She knows."  
>"Yeah she knows. I know too. Your eyes are red as hell and it reeks in here. Yet, she's behind a fucking window at a taco place working for minimum wage, not a cop. So..."<br>"Here you guy's go."

I snap around and take the change and one last bag.

"Have fun..." She laughs as we drive off.

We gorge ourselves on taco's for the first time, which I might like too much.

I eat until I'm sick, and we drive back to the dorm to relax a little before it was time for him to head back home.

Dem was gone, and there was no sign of Hayner yet.

Roxas and I sat on opposite beds, not saying anything for a while.

He moves next to me eventually, and we continue our silence until he breaks it.

"Think I might wanna graduate early." He says quietly.  
>It excites me, but it also worries me.<p>

Mom.

"Do you think she'll be okay?"  
>He nods, "I've got this plan. I'm gonna make her leave Donny. For good."<br>"Don't do anything stupid...what's your plan?"  
>"I don't know yet, but I know it'll be good. I'll tell you when it comes to me."<p>

I stare up at the plain white ceiling, reminded of the fact that I'm no longer home in my room.

Roxas squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. He hold's it, "Who's this guy again?"

I look at my hand and remember that Reno gave me his number.

_I like you..._

"One of Dem's friends...I think."  
>"What's he look like?"<p>

I stall, biting on my tongue.

"...He, kinda looks like...Axel."  
>Roxas tilts his head, "That's <em>bad <em>luck..."  
>"No..."<br>"How much like him?"  
>"It's hard to explain...he has long red hair, <em>really<em> long. And he's tall, not too tall, but taller than Axel. He has green eyes and two red face tattoos_...I guess you could mistake him for his older brother." _I stretch out the last part in a low croak, realizing the strange reality.  
>"Baaaaad luck."<br>"How?"

"I don't know, but that's sketched. You don't usually run into people that look like your ex, especially if your ex is Axel. Maybe it IS Axel's and Hiro's older brother."

"No way. When Dem was questioning him he said he was an only child."  
>"...Maybe Axel's his kid." Roxas laughs.<p>

"No kids."  
>"Is he good looking?"<br>"He's...he's fucking amazing. He's...I wish you saw him." I shake my head, remembering his looks in disbelief.  
>"On a scale of one to ten?"<p>

"I'd probably—eleven-I'd probably drink his bath water."

"How old?" He laughs even more.  
>"I don't know...maybe twenty-three?"<br>"Ha, that's funny. Soon he'll be too old for you."  
>"...I make exceptions."<p>

"Are you gonna text him?"  
>"I don't know for what. I don't know when. I don't know if I want to..."<p>

The thought of Reno forces me to think of Axel though, and I'm eventually gutted.

"What's that face now? Come on." Roxas calls out.

"I can't stop thinking of Axel, no matter how hard I try."  
>"Shit..."<br>"I mean, he brutally fucked me over, just like that. Hours before we were up on each other, hours later he's making out with Larxene. Like...his sex drive is out of control or some shit. Maybe it's for the best, being pressured to fuck someone feels horrible..."

Flirting around is appealing, I'm in a new place after all.

"You'll be okay. You're strong like that." He holds up a lazy fist, yawning.

**-x-**

He helps me put some of my stuff in place before we drive back to the airport quietly. The city's so bright at night, lights twinkle like stars.

In the car in the parking lot, he breaks his silence, "You'll see. Mom'll be okay. Donny'll be gone and I'll be able to come over, no problem."

I grip the steering wheel, "Don't do anything crazy now"  
>He smirks.<p>

I look away to pull my keys out, and I feel him lunge on me. I squeeze back, wishing he could just stay.

But he can't, and that's reality.

We have to face it.

I hug him one last time before he walks to the TSA security gates.

"I love you!" He calls out once on the other side.

"I love you too!"

I watch him disappear into the crowd.

Now I'm alone.

Really alone...

**-x-**

I get one text from Hayner.

He's stuck at the station for the night, so he'll be seeing me tomorrow.

I'm too depressed to text back, too tired too.

I talked to my mom for a while after getting back to the dorm, she only made me feel better until we hung up.

Then I started getting lonely all over again.

The room is quiet, all I hear are the voices echoing from other dorms. I sit up on my bed, staring outside the window.

I'm fascinated by all the city lights I see from here, the skyscrapers and transit options, but I miss the sound of waves.

I wish I could lean outside my window one last time to get a peak of my hangout.

I wish I could head over to Roxas' room and play games.

I wish I could drive over to Kairi's and Namine's place and watch movies.

I even miss shooting insults back and forth with Riku.

Our crew...we broke up just like that. It was inevitable, but I wish we had more time.

_Heh...guess it's just time to grow up..._

I grab my bag and pull out a shirt to sleep in.

Out falls a few white pills.

I'm shocked that they made it through airport security, yet thrilled.

Happy that I don't have to face this depressing fucking reality for one more second without some help. The high I got last time is too good to forget about. It felt so good I _knew _I had to have it again somehow. Sure, throwing them into my bag so carelessly could've gotten me a free cavity search at the airport security gate, but I'm just happy that I'm about to get high.

Weed is good, but the way Vicodin makes me feel is better.

I don't miss no one.

I don't care.

I just don't think about what's happened...or who I am. I'm just a brainless fuck-and I love it.

Fuck...I love it.

I empty out my bag, gathering the rest of the pills before heading over to my sink. Instead of snorting it, I decide to crush the pills up and dump them in water to drink-hopefully getting the high faster.

I chug down the tainted water. It tastes horrible, but not unbearable.

I lay back on my bed and think about the weed that Roxas snuck over for me.

I could smoke, but it wouldn't be the greatest idea considering the fact that it's my first night here. I also don't have a pipe.

No, instead I lay back in bed, reading some comics until the eye-rolling high kicks in.

The water worked like a charm, and I'm climbing my high.

Once I'm there, I'm knocked on my ass. I nod in and out of pleasure and euphoria, laughing freely at my comics before passing out peacefully.

**-x-**

I hear the door open wide. My natural reaction kicks in and I cover my ears with my pillows.

"It's you!"  
>"Huh...?"<p>

I carefully open my eyes and see a big pair of brown discs staring me down. His hair is blonde and wild as ever.

He's back.

"Sora!" He holds a big goofy grin, hasn't changed a bit.

I smile,"Hayner-"

He pounces on me.  
>"-Fuck yeah! I'm so glad it's you!" He squeezes me tight. I squeeze back, still waking up.<p>

He hops off of me, throwing off his bags.

"What time is it?"  
>"It's four thirty."<br>"In the afternoon?"  
>"No, morning."<p>

I look outside, the darkness still looming over Twilight Town.  
>"<em>Hayner...<em>" I whine, laying back down.

"I couldn't help myself! I had five cups of coffee so I am UP. I don't care if you're awake or not, I'm talkin' over here."

The feeling of company is so great.

I knock out again.


	16. Chapter 16

I sleep in until four in the afternoon (ironically), feeling way better realizing that Hayner's sleeping only feet away from me.

It looks like he put away some stuff already.

He's got green dinosaurs climbing across his blankets and his clothes all over the floor already.

I stand up and go into the tiniest bathroom they bother putting in a dorm. It was more or less the size of the bathrooms in airplanes.

When I'm out, I realize that there's nothing to eat except the tacos Roxas bought yesterday.

Shameless, I sit on my bed and eat the cold mess.

It's not rejectable, fast food leftovers.

"Can I have some...?" Hayner mumbles from under his sheets.

"You don't even know what I'm eating."

"...Tacos. I saw your bag on the counter last night. Why didn't you put it in the fridge?"  
>"There's a fridge?"<p>

"It's in the closet."  
>"There's a closet?"<br>"It's bigger than the bathroom. It's huge. You should've put your tacos in the fridge but now they probably taste like shit...give me one."

I throw a taco on his back. "Thank you."

I look outside the window and people watch as the skies sets to it's signature twilight tone. "Can't believe I slept in all day..."

I wonder what I've missed?

Not much, since I have moved I guess.

I miss the stir of Destiny...

Hayner flips over and grabs his taco.

"I've been awake for...three days." A grimace sweeps across his face.

He hasn't changed at all.

Disheveled hair that earned him into the crew that was just me and Roxas back then was still the same. His big brown eyes always buzzing with life, even if he happened to be reserved at the time.

"Why?"  
>Hayner takes a bite out of his taco, "Busing from Traverse Town. Sorry for missin' out yesterday. I couldn't tell you how much Roxas cussed me out."<br>"It's cool."  
>"What's up with you? You told me you were gonna tell me everything once I got here. So?<em>"<em>

I shake my head, "You don't even know."

From this point, I decide to unpack every thing of mine while telling Hayner my story from the point he left. We talk as though he hasn't left, and I feel comfortable and even compelled to tell him every shitty thing that's happened to me.

He is the one of the only person who knows my dirty little secrets, Roxas obviously being the other.

"Sounds like moving was the best thing, huh?"  
>"You think so? I don't know, I feel like me moving fucked everything up." I bite the inside of my lip.<p>

The truth of the matter is that it did.

Me moving, has screwed a bit of my life over.

I got cheated on again for that very fucking reason...

"Sometimes people just need to get away. You'll get used to it here in no time, I've even got a new hangout! It's no island paradise...but it's nice."

"What's there to do around here? This place is weird...hurts my eyes."

"Stop looking outside then, there's a reason why they call it Twilight Town."

"I like it though..." I press my face up against the glass, looking below.

"Weeeelll, there's the mall, there's the skate rink, movies, downtown, ahhhh..." Hayner looks up, "skate park, water park, natural park, clubs, arcades, street performers, trespassing."  
>"Trespassing? Isn't that an offense? Punishable by getting tased?"<br>Hayner grins, sitting up, "You know what makes up half of being an explorer? Trespassing. You know the clock tower?"  
>"Yeah. Don't tell me you break into that place."<br>"Dude, I break into that place all of the time."  
>"Hayner!"<p>

He bounces on his bed excitedly laughing.  
>"No one guards it! All it is is an outdated train station. I go up there all the time—you can see the whole city from up there, even sunset. You know that?"<p>

I shake my head, gazing at the massive clock.

"We could do it, Sorass. You and me."  
>"Fuck you. Hay sack. Sack of shit..."<br>He laughs.

**-x-**

Five thirty next day.

We're finished.

I've been fighting tooth and nail to keep my nostrils open—to keep the coke coming. Last bump possible was taken at around twelve and I've been coming down since.

God knows I'm trying to open them up, I can't fucking stand myself right now.

Grinding...j-just all the grinding in my head.

"Axel, let it go. Water isn't gonna do you any good." Saix is just as fucked as I am, though he keeps his cool under his grinding teeth and jittery movements.

I'm trying to snort water. I can't even get suction.

"Fuck!"

Nothings going right.

I slam back down across from him at the table, rubbing my face habitually.

He takes his hair clip out, letting the blue bangs he held back for work fall on his face. He rubs his face habitually.

Soon after, he rests his head on the table with his arms to the side.

It seems like years since we've done anything, but the reality is that we've only been done for five minutes.

I can't take this speedy boredom.

So much energy.

Nothing to _do._

Nothing to _think of_.

….Well...except...

"We need sleep."  
>"Ha." I look away,"How do you suppose that happen?"<p>

Sleep sounds so heavenly at the moment...

Too bad...

He pulls out a cigarette, "I usually use until I just burn out. That's the only way."

Silence.

"Got any needles?"

It's a fucked question on my part, but he implied it.

I know what I'm not supposed to be doing, yet it's all happening so fast.

"Axel."  
>"Just this once, man. We can't sleep until we just burn out, you said it yourself."<p>

He sighs, thinking about it.

"Just this once, it's not like we got any work to do any ways, right? We just wait for your guy to come tell us what to do next, so until then, why not? It feels better when you shoot it anyways."

"..." Saix stands from the table, grabbing a small box in a random cupboard.

He pulls out the supplies, and I feel my skin popping already.

It's bad, I know. But it's only to burn out.

I _need_ to burn out.

I'm gonna go fucking crazy if I don't burn out.

Burn out.

Burn out.

_Out._

We set up, but have to decide who shoots who.

I've never shot myself up, and neither has Sai. We always did it for each other, or had other random people do it for us.

But right now we're too high. Waaaay too high for comfort.

I swallow.

He sighs, "Just do it. You're just gonna run off if I shoot you up first anyways."  
>"Ha! And-And what, you're just gonna stick me and cut my veins if I stick you first? Look at you, you're shaky as fuck."<p>

Sai shakes his head, pushing up his sleeves. "Just do it. I won't fuck your arm up I'll be quick."  
>He wraps the rubber tie around his arm and I suck the coke through the needle.<p>

Tap tap tap.

He looks away from the scene in general, puffing his cigarette faster and faster as I search for a vein.

"Find one already-"  
>"-Stop movin'...there."<br>I pick out a vein and pop through his skin. Draw some blood then plunge it through all the way.

Soon it hits him, and he's moving faster than the speed of light.

"Don't fuck up and kill me..." I say as he hands over his cigarette.

"Yeah yeah..."

I watch him set up for me, at least I try to keep up. He wraps the rubber tie around my arm and locates a vein.

"There." He points to it before tapping the needle.

"You'd be a good nurse, Sai."

Tap tap tap.

"Thanks." He plunges it in, drawing some blood before giving it to me.

It feels like I'm healing.

Like I was broken, but now I'm fixed.

"Let's clean up."

But...what does fixed really mean?

I know why I'm doing this.

Sora was too fucking nice.

Everyone was right about me...

Sora...

Sora Sora Sora...

Why can't I get you out of my fucking head?

I just want to forget about you already.

**-x-**

"Where you going?"  
>"I gotta go down to the registrar office and give them my course evaluation sheets."<br>"What?"

He snatches a stack of papers off the desk, "I gotta have all my teachers evaluate how I'm doing in classes each term or else my parole officer get's to take my soul into the underworld...All I have to do really is stay on top of my grades and not have any confrontations with the law. If I do this one thing for her than I don't have to see her every week to piss in a bottle. And you know what that means..." He sticks out his tongue.

"Tsk tsk." I rub my fingers together.  
>He stands at the door eyeing me, "You'd be in the same boat too if anyone ever saw you get in a fight. You were a vicious kid, I remember."<p>

I roll my eyes.

See ya."

"Bye."

After he's gone, I stand up and unpack the last of what was left. I try to turn on my new laptop, but there were too many buttons I didn't want to deal.

I stare out the window and people watch.

I _think _about getting high...

Realize I don't have a pipe.

Or a suitable place for that matter.

I lay back on my bed, staring at the blank white walls.

"This place could use some posters..." Not that I had any, but it would be nice.

I stand up and walk into the closet, noticing the abnormally large 'mini fridge' in the corner. My stomach rumbles, but tacos sound too cold and icky. Seconds pass by in solitary silence as I slumped my body over the mini fridge in a sudden wave of depression.

I wish mom was here to cook me food...

I kick on my shoes and grab my backpack, ready to explore Twilight Town for what it is.

**-x-**

I shiver in my short sleeve jacket and pull my hood up, instantly reminiscent of home and warmth.

The shift of surroundings is still so surreal.

I jog down the stairs and leave the lobby, passing my car as I walked towards the main road. Leaves crunched under every step on the sidewalk and it almost becomes my obsession.

I walk straight towards what they call 'downtown' here; that is, I start walking straight towards the clock tower. Kids ran around with those sea-salt popsicles, and I'm sent back to that time Axel shared them with me at Destiny.

Axel...

Ugh..._you._

I shake my head, kicking him out of my thoughts.

He has no business there.

The town is beautiful, layed out with large brick buildings and the forever setting sun. Colorful trolleys came through every fifteen minutes and shops were opened nearly everywhere.

A group of girls staring me down wave at me as I embarked on my journey downtown. I wave back casually and they squeal before running off.

_At least I still look good..._

I hear music and voices as I start up some buildings to walk across the many sky bridges. I look down to the clearing and see a street performers of all kind across the way.

Some stood like ghostly dolls, moving ever so intricately to hand out roses.

A silver guy...

Someone doing a balancing act.

Hey, it's Dem!

I see him, with his amp and mic getting ready.

_Geez that's a lot of cash..._

His guitar case might as well been filled to the brim, I'm surprised people still tip him after seeing that much cash in his case. I run over some sky bridges to get as close as possible.

I notice a kid with a purple head of hair, sitting on the floor, gathering and organizing Dem's money as though he's his hired accountant. After the kid finishes organizing his money, he drops it in his backpack and writes something down in a notebook. The purple headed kid sits on the ledge behind Dem, writing more things down.

I lean over the sky bridge and get a look at the breath-taking skyline. He sets up, taking a deep breath before striking his chords.

_You and me  
>Go together like carrots and peas<br>We should be a happy family  
>Or a traveling travesty, at least<em>

It was like second nature to him as his fingers moved intricately. He looked to the crowd instead of his own hands and sung with such a soft voice it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

People recorded him, girls swooned over him. He's like Twilight Town's lil' celeb.

He's that good.

My heart is beating out of my mouth. "Hey." He smiles generously.

Leaning over the brick wall, he puts a hand under his chin, grabbing his camcorder and turning it on with just a button.

"Whatcha up to?" He speaks with such a light elegant charm.

"Just wastin' time."

"Same."

The purple haired kid watched with deep intent, as though he watched every word leaving Dem's lips.

_And love..._  
><em>Will fuck us up<em>  
><em>Love will fuck us up<em>

_Breath in deep_  
><em>Breath as deeply as you can breath<em>  
><em>Breath deep til you're drunk will glee<em>  
><em>Breath deep til you're drunk with glee<em>

_And love..._  
><em>Will fuck us up<em>  
><em>Love will fuck us up<em>

**-x-**

The sun had set as me and Reno walked side by side talking into the night. He offered to take me to the store once he found out that I dined on tacos for my late breakfast.

His hair swayed just slightly hanging long off his head. Those goggles were still present, pushing his red bangs off his face. I am forced to face my urges on tugging his long hair, holding back so much emotion that I'm quiet.

"They're always together. Dem says that they're just really good friends, _I _think it's more than that. You see it too, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"I knew it! Everyone sees it. Not that it's wrong, I think they're cute together."

I feel my heart pick up. At least I don't have to worry about coming out as much.

I'm not really 'out there', so coming out happens almost every time I meet someone new. I mean it's a fucking pain, and you only end up having a normal conversation with half of the people you decide to come out to if it ever happens.

They're always like:

_Really? That's wrong but lets get to know each other anyways! Praise Jesus!_

Or:

_Really? Then why do you act so straight? Does that mean you like me?_

Or:

_No you're not you're just confused!_

Or:

_...Oh..._

Or:_  
><em>

_GROOOOSSSS._

Ugh. My social circle has been small and stable for a long time.

But then comes the bridge of slightly crushing on someone who's most likely straight. I'm a sucker for charm.

Guess you'd even call me vulnerable.

When I think of it, I wish I didn't have to start over. Dating hasn't been fun so far...

The thought of Axel crosses in and out as we speak, supposedly making me make faces during our walk.

"What's wrong?" He asks simply as we enter the store.

"Just have something on my mind..."  
>"Aw, dilly dally shilly shally."<p>

I stand, lost by the soup cans, "What?"  
>He throws his head back laughing, "Dilly dally, shilly shally."<br>"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs, "I dunno, something along the lines of hakuna matata."

I grab things that are mostly microwavable, barely adding what mom calls 'real food' to my additions. Reno points it out while we're checking out, "Let me guess, you don't know how to cook?"

I smile widely, "Actually, I do. I probably cook better than a lot of ladies you know."

I _know_ what I'm talking about.

"Really now, what's your best dish?"  
>I chuckle out my confidence, "I've got quiet a few."<br>"Challenge accepted."

I blink, "What?"

I pay for my stuff and we head out.

"What you cookin' tonight?" He drawls out, putting his hands in his slim black jeans.

I only laugh.

"I'm serious! I don't ever cook for myself, but my roommates aren't always willing to cook for me. Wanna be my chef tonight?"

We stood in front of the fence at the abandoned school Roxas and I smoked at yesterday. Before I answer my stomach rumbles.

He cocks a brow, "Yo, I heard that."

"I guess it couldn't hurt, how far is your place?"  
>He smiles, "We cut through here, let's go."<p>

**-x-**

His place was a two story brick town house near sunset. Thorn bushes sprawled the walk way up the stairs and rose petals lined the ground, slowly dying off with summer. It was small but cozy.

Reno invites me into the kitchen after checking the place for his roommates.

I settle down at the kitchen table. Despite how well lived in this place seems, things just feel...

Off.

"You drink? Wait! How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

He purses his lips, "Really?"  
>"Yeah, I just graduated high school, remember?"<br>He taps the corkscrew lightly against his cheek, "You struck me as a mature twenty year old...Like _De._...never mind."

We laugh.  
>"...So...you wanna drink?" He asks more cautiously the second time around. Can never be too careful of those eighteen year olds, I guess.<p>

I smile, "Sure."

He pours us some obscure liquor I've never seen or even heard off. Too not look lame though, I digest. It burns my throat and I throttle it down my stomach, a sense of warmth and easiness soon setting.

"What do you do for a living?"

After he decides the main course, our conversation begins to push off into the night as he gets me to start talking about myself. I try to be vague, but these drinks are making my words flop all over the place like an ungraceful celeb at an after party.

"I do nothing. I mean, I go to school, but that's not really living. What do you do?"

_Yes, less about me and more about the guy who invited me over. This is good Sora._

He looks into his glass, swirling it around a few times, his eyes lowered, "If I told you, I'd have to kill you..."  
>"Ha <em>ha<em>..." Nice one.  
>"No, but really, I work at a bar." He grins. I almost want to call him out on it, but that would be rude.<p>

"Doing what?"  
>"Security."<p>

Instead, I use what Dem told me about him as leverage to pry into his life.

"Dem told me you were a pilot."  
>Reno shrugs, "Yeah, guess he told you right. I got my license to fly when I was seventeen, but I haven't been in the sky for a while."<br>"Really? _Seventeen?_" Holy crap.

An image of a Reno in uniform strikes me hot.

"That's amazing." I say over the finished food.

"Think so?"  
>"Yeah. You've probably been around the world huh?"<p>

"Sort of. You've never traveled?"  
>"This is the first time I've moved away from home. I tried running away from home with some friends once, but we drank a bunch of sea water, freaked out and almost died in the ocean on a shit raft we made. We were rescued by helicopter, but I woke up in the hospital and didn't remember what it was like."<br>He sticks his tongue out, "Yuck. I know what that's like."

"Really?"  
>He smiles wide,"Yeah...it's sort of a long story. My buddy warned me and I told him fuck off. I hallucinated and blacked out. Woke up in the hospital to him saying," Reno crosses his arms seriously, "<em>I told you so."<em>

I laugh.

I nervously set a plate out in front of him and he wastes no time digging in, "Holy shit this is great..." He says through muffled sounds.

"Really?" Tipsy cooking and I'm still on top.  
>He nods feverishly and devours everything in under seven bites probably.<p>

"So, you really don't know how to cook?"  
>"I wouldn't trust my offspring near a stove, that's how bad I am at cooking. But you! You're great..." He swallows the last bite as I'm rushed with blood. This must be what being a housewife is like.<p>

"Thanks."

_Rewarding._

**-x-**

We loss track of time, eventually becoming drunk philosophers of life, spewing random bits of advice where they may or may not fit. It all feels right though. Spontaneously, I ask him something.

"Reno?"  
>"Yeah?"<p>

"Can I touch your hair?"

We're laying next to each other on his living room rug, our feet facing opposite directions of the room.

He looks up to me, " I thought you'd never ask."

He sits up a little and throws his hair over and I grab it.

_It's just like I imagined..._

_Soft and silky, thick and vibrant..._

_Something about it just makes me want to tug..._

I comb my fingers through the long strands, "How long have you been growing your hair out?"  
>"Mmm...probably eight years. I didn't actually try to do it, it sort of just happened."<p>

"You're like Rapunzel."

"..._Nah!_" He emits this sort of giggle before covering his mouth.

Before I could get stuck on his cuteness, I hear small pitter patters and soon shows up a gray cat. It steps onto my stomach before clawing into my chest repeatedly. Didn't hurt too bad though. It purrs loudly.

"You have a cat?"

"What? No."

"...Then who's this?"  
>Reno sits up, looking at the lil gray fellow. He scratches his head,"The fuck?"<p>

"Are you gonna keep it?"

The cat circles around a few times before sitting next to Reno.

"I don't think that'd be a good idea..."

"Why not?"  
>"I don't know how to take care of animals." He stumbles out.<br>"It's easy!" I pick up the cat and begin scratching it's chin.

"Aw...it's so cute. We should name it..."

"No...don't."  
>"Look at her eyes, they're blue like icicles. I'll call you Icicle."<p>

"Fuck."

"Oh Icicle needs a home Reno."

"What kind of fucking name is 'Icicle' for a cat? And what if I end up killing it?"  
>I shrug, "You could always just <em>not<em> kill it. It looks like a momma cat, look at her nipples."

He holds it up, "Those...are protruding extremely. You don't think..."

He squints his eyes.

Reno stands up, putting the gray cat in his arms, "You're gonna tell me how you broke in one way or another. Let's go search."

Reno stumbles to the kitchen door, and I almost get caught checking out his flawless figure.

That ass, man.

"You comin'?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

In the kitchen Reno drops the cat, "Alright...where'd you come from?"

The cat walks around in a few circles before jumping on the counter. It swipes up a cloth from the counter before rushing through a door.

We follow it to the dark basement and he flicks a light on. Reno turns on a lamp and we watch it scurry next to the dryer off to the left.

"This is getting' weird..." He attempts to pull the dryer away from the wall when the cat scurries back out, grabbing Reno's leg before violently attacking it.

"OW! What the hell's your problem?!"

The cat detaches itself before hissing, it's back arching up like it's ready to get down.

"My room you little bitch." He pulls the dryer away fully, and the cat retreats into the hole.

We stand silent for a second, hearing more than a couple meows.

We look at each other before he grabs a flashlight and checks it out.

"What's down there?"

He hesitates for a few seconds before pulling back.  
>"...Oh. I see..."<p>

"What?"  
>He motions me over and I kneel next to him. I peer through the hole and see the cat anxiously protecting a litter of kittens.<p>

I gasp excitedly, "Aw..."

"How many are down there?"  
>I count, "Seven. That I can <em>see.<em>"

"Wonder how I missed that..."  
>"There's no way you can't help her now Reno."<br>"What? Me?"

He takes a moment, "...Should I? I mean..."  
>"At least until they're old enough to get adopted."<p>

"But she hates me."  
>"She was just protecting her kittens. You're a giant compared to her."<p>

"Meeh..." Reno strains.

"Don't be so cold-hearted."

"_Alright alright._ But I can't do this on my own...I need your help."

I smile, "Alright!"  
>"So what? Do we just leave it alone?"<br>"...I dunno. To be honest, I never raised another living thing in my life."

He throws back his head, "Oh boy, I hope we don't end up killing them."

"Reno!"

He laughs, "Just kidding! It'll be cool."

We set out a dish of water and tuna for the mother, realizing that it must be starving. Reno figures that the cat must've snuck in one night when he forgot to close the windows.

"Time for a stake out."  
>"What?"<br>"It's probably not a good idea that they stay in that hole. Plus, I need to fix it before rats get in anyways."

He falls on his bed.

And we wait.

And wait.

Drink.

Wait.

Reno talks in such a way that keeps me hanging on to his words. He's reserved yet so open.

He's...I don't know.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for charm.

I still don't know much about him, but I'm sure he's already learned a lot about me.

His wood paneled walls were bare all around, except for the blades that hung on prongs against the walls. The covering for each varied in design.

One black blade hung up above the head of his bed. To the far right of the room is a desk with a computer, and his camera. A short set of stairs lead back to the outside.

I wonder why the lack of pictures, or items for that matter...

Throughout this whole house, there is not one object that shows _who_ lives here...

I mean...

"Are those blades all yours?"  
>"Nah, just the one above my bed."<p>

"Are they real?"

"Mine is. As for the rest, I don't know. They belong to my roommates, all a bunch of swordsman with different terminology and stances and blah blah blah." He seems to be caught up in a past conversation he had with his buddies over swords...  
>"...What?"<br>"I don't know. They aren't sharp but they work right when you _know how to use one right._ Psshhh...I'd rather blow a cap in someone and have it be done with...You know, you look just like one of my roommates." He bends his back over the edge of the bed, looking me in the eyes.

"Really?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"What's his name?"  
>"Squall...or maybe Leon."<p>

I jump up, "That's my cousin!"  
>"Really?"<br>"Yeah."  
>Reno turns on his stomach, "Tell me this then! What the fuck is his real name?"<p>

I shrug, "I...don't really know."

"Hey look!"

"What?"

The cat has come out to eat and begins gorging itself.

Reno gets up quietly before grabbing a cardboard box from the corner of the basement. He chooses a spot near a short set of stairs that lead to his backyard and throws in rags and shirts.

He bites his lip and I see the gears churning in his head.

"Ah!" A light-bulb goes off for him.

"Grab the mother." He speaks.

"Whaaa?"  
>"Take her, and keep her away until I can get the kittens in the box."<p>

I listen, cautiously approaching the cat before snatching her up.

She hisses, she growls.

She bites, and she kicks.

Oh man..._she kicks. Straight under my shirt._

"Ow ow ow ow!"

It's lasting forever but I use it to my advantage.

My god, this cat's _screaming._

Reno sits on his knees, using his shirt as a make shift basket to pluck the kittens out from the hole.

The cat repeatedly sinks its claws and fangs into my chest."Fuck! Hurry up!"

"I'm trying!"

I pace around, trying to conduct the pain through movement.

He plops the last kitten into his shirt before taking them over to the box. As he puts the last kitten in the box I drop the mother. She hisses at me one last time before scurrying back to the kittens.

In the box, she furiously grooms each of her kittens before offering meal time.

I sigh relief.

"That wasn't so bad, was it? You know exactly what to do..." I huffed.  
>He shrugs, "I guess. Didn't look to easy for you..." He chuckles looking down at me.<p>

I look at myself and notice the blotches of blood seeping through my white t-shirt. Tiny rips exposed bits of my tummy.

"Shit, she tore you up."  
>"Ahh...I'm fine." I huff out.<p>

He laughs, "You're gonna get your cuts infected. You better disinfect that shit."

Disinfect...

I shake my head.

He cocks a brow, "That's cool with me, but that cat's been covering her shit with her dusty cat paws. Just so you know."  
>"...Maaaaan." I strain out holding my head, disappointed.<p>

**-x-**

In the kitchen, Reno gets out some first aid supplies for my seriously fucked stomach. Long thin cuts dragged along the sides and my waist.

In the lighting, I saw the depth of the cuts and the swelling. Blood was smeared nearly everywhere and dried.

"Looks like you got slashed in a bar fight." He lights a cigarette.

I felt embarrassed of my tummy. I mean, he's built nicely and all I am is a fucking noodle in despair.

I held up my shirt by biting on it as I held the soaked antiseptic cotton ball over the tiniest cut. From the corner of my eye I see Reno looking me up and down. It throws me off guard, but I try not to show it.

"What's takin' so long?" Reno asks as though he's waiting for a show.

I chug the last of my drink before coming back to the cut. The smell of rubbing alcohol is intimidating and reminds me of the sting.

He yawns, scooting his chair closer after another five minutes of no activity.

He pushes my hand closer to my stomach with his pointer finger, making the cotton ball come in contact the cut on my stomach.

I curse, dropping everything.

"What?"  
>"It hurts!" I whine.<p>

He shakes his head, "You're kidding."

I set up to try again, but only get as far as dabbing a small cut.

Stumbling and drunk, I give up, "The pain is too much! I'd...rather wait it out."

"It's called meningitis, and it can kill you. It can take your limbs off and render you brain dead in weeks."

:|

"..."Reno sticks the cigarette in his mouth, smirking.  
>Reno silently dumps a bunch of antiseptic on a few cotton balls crumpled together.<p>

"Reno?"  
>He turns around on his stool, pulling up my shirt like it was nothing, putting his hand on my shoulder to keep it up.<br>I nearly freak out, but he doesn't give me a chance to.

"This is gonna hurt, kay?" He blows smoke through his nostrils.

"No wait I-I change my-"

I feel the wet cotton balls drags across several cuts on my stomach. I stand in place and try to take it hoping it'd be over with soon.

"It ain't that bad..." He pulls my shirt completely over my head in one swift movement so his other hand was free again.

Once I realized that he was slower than I cared for, I tried to bail.

"No ya don't." He hooks two fingers around one of my belts, keeping me close to him.

I don't know how many curse words flew out of my mouth after that, or how many tears were squeezing out from the corner of my eyes, but he was going hard now that he had me by my bet. It _hurt_. I yanked on my hair, shaking my head back and forth as though I was being tortured.

No, me and disinfection don't do well together.

I look down to see the progress, catching Reno staring me down with a present smirk, as though he's enjoying himself.

He confidently lets his eyes fall back down on the task and my heart picks up beats.

I stare at the wall ahead of me with my mouth gaping slightly open, currently afraid of and fighting back an impending hard on.

I see my face in a mirror ahead and my face is completely red. I look so fucking stupid...

God I hope I look better than this if I ever get far with another person.

"Done." He lets go, his cigarette being down to a stub he puts it out in the ash tray, leaning back on the table to finish his drink.

I look down at my pink beating flesh wounds, my eyes teary.

I sigh, "Reno..."  
>"You'll thank me later."<p>

**-x-**

We bump arms walking next to each other as he escorted me home.

I said I was fine, but he insisted a drunk kid who just moved here would probably never be heard of again—especially a "coconut cookie" like I.

I get back in past 3, Hayner still surprisingly up reading some magazines and comic books.

I flop on my bed, squeezing my pillow.

"Ahhh..."I let out lazily.

"Sup?"  
>I smile into the pillow.<p>

"I hung out with Reno."  
>Hayner peeks over his magazine towards me, "Saw anything you liked? Ha! Just kidding I see it on your face."<p>

I turn to my back, inhaling deeply the shirt he allowed me too borrow. It smells exactly like him.

Too drunk to have shame in the comfort of my own dorm.

"...He's more amazing than I thought."

"Geez...what'd you guys do?"

"Nothing, we just drank and saved some kittens and her mother from a hole in his wall."

I grin widely, remembering the point where he aggressively disinfected my stomach. Thinking back on it now...

"Hey uh, no jerking off when I'm in the room please. I don't do it to you, thank you."  
>"Shut up."<p>

/-/

*Song by Andrew Jackson Jihad

Review!


	17. Chapter 17

**Fall 2013**

It's hard work, but someone's gotta do it.

Me and Sai have been working hard to get back on with profits before we meet his dealer in a week.

We've made back a lot of cash since we started peddling it out, but we're nowhere near finished with his first brick.

We sit in his beat up car outside his place, waiting for more buyers to text.

The basis of our problem seems to deal with networking.

Finding more fishes that want to bite.

There are only so many people on these islands...

Sai counted the money over and over again. Unfortunately, we overestimated how much we made these past few weeks.

After counting the stack one last time, he throws it back in the box before rubbing his temples.

"Ah, Sai. It'll be fine, we just need to keep doing what we're doing. Our supplies the best here, more fish'll bite." I'm always the optimistic one out of the bunch.

"Compared to all the other meth dealers around here, we're doing shit."

He pulls out a cigarette. "Oh, this again? What do you want to do, start slinging meth?" I ask in a sarcastic tone."Probably. It's probably a faster way of getting out of this shit hole..."

"Yeah, right."

"It's more addictive, it last longer, and it's cheaper. Well, until you're hooked."

"Yeah, and you'd have to be a pretty damn good cook. Are you a cook? No, and neither am I. But all these old fuckers who've been stuck on this island since the fucking fifties could probably cook us to poverty. We'd end up getting shit compared to them..."

"We wouldn't be cooking, we'd be selling for the cook. Two different things."

I roll my eyes.

"Everyone's a critic."

"I'm a damn good one, at that. I know you, you'd just end up using it all and changing you're identity because you fucked the cook over. You have no self control with that meth shit. Remember the gross zits and your sunken eyes? You looked like a fucked up thirty year old when we were in middle school dude..."

He grits his teeth, "And you have no self control over coke, yet here I am giving you a fucking job with some cash in your pocket AND coke."

"So what?"

"So shut up. That's what."

"Aw, Sai don't be mad, you know I love you." I make a grab for his cheeks, and he smacks me hard.

I laugh at offended Sai. Something about offended Sai makes me feel fuzzy on the inside.

He finally gets a text for a few grams and starts driving. The sun is just setting, getting the streets ready for all the drug hungry rats that provide us with a living.

I stare at my phone, deleting all the unnamed numbers in my phone from the girls I've hit on.

I haven't been able to call one back.

Just like I haven't been able to delete the last photo of Sora off my phone.

**-x-**

"Did you know, that...that chick, had an ass threesome with two kids from the gadget club?"

"That's totally something I needed to know while eating my lunch Hayner, thanks." I say sarcastically, putting my sandwich down as the confidently awkward looking chick struts by our table.

She winks at me.

"She's trying too hard with those cowboy boots." I comment.

"How do you even know that?" Dem asks skeptically.

"I heard them talking about it..."

"You have weird lunch time gossip. Don't ever work at an office or else you'd be that guy everyone would avoid at the water cooler." Dem advises.

"Hayner was probably the second kid giving her an ass pounding."

Me and Dem start laughing.

"Whatever...Shut up."

Schools been more or less the same as high school.

Easy, when you pay enough attention to get by. I've been trying to find a job, the sooner the better so I won't have to keep dipping into my school funds.

Roxas calls almost every night and talks to Hayner and I on speaker. We just sit around and smoke, talking about the good old days.

We've even been hanging around Reno a lot and I even got to meet some of his buddies.

Plus, my cousin again. Which is fine until I consider the fact that I'm subjected to noogies every time he sees me at his place. Leon's a good guy.

"What bar are we going to tomorrow?"

The leaves are slowly die one by one, falling on the stone path we walk on a daily basis. The suns yellow sets into an orange, tinting the buildings above. Clouds scattered the calm skies.

"It's called Cloud Nine or something. It's Tifa's."

"Who's Tifa?" I fall behind to pick up a huge leaf the size of my head. I wave it in the air like a flag.

Yeah, I'm easily amused by too many things this place offers.

They both eye me for a second.

Hayner breaks, his eyes slowly looking to the front again,"Not that you'd care...but she's..."

"She's..."

They start snorting like nerds, making groping motions with their hands.

"Please don't do that at the bar tomorrow." I push in front of them.

"No guarantees."

"Yeah, we might just embarrass the shit out of you for fun!"

They laugh maniacally as they skipped behind my back.

"Fine then, do it. She'd probably kick your asses, wouldn't she? From what I hear, she's the kinda girl who'd rip your throats out if she even got word of such comments being made behind here back. Is that true?"

They both become silent and I start laughing.

**-x-**

After we walked Dem to the TC, Hayner and I headed back walking through downtown. Buildings began to turn on their neon lights as the moon climbed the sky. People walked the city getting ready to go out. Drunk folks came out to harass random people and girls strutted by in their best outfits.

I kicked at the leaves, thinking about home.

Roxas.

How I miss just hanging out with him at home, when our parents are gone.

We'd just sit there and eat and talk and eat and wrestle and head bang to tunes all day. Sometimes if our parents weren't coming home for a while, we'd grab some couch cushions and slide down the stairs. One year Roxas hit his head really hard on the wall and it cracked the wall, so we covered it with this stupid drawing he made. It worked for a few hours, and then mom yelled at us for thinking that she was that stupid.

Riku.

When we'd hang out at the football field after school. Going under the bleachers and reciting bullshit murder stories until one of us got scared of a random kid, or the janitor. The janitor kicked us out of the school basement after he got tired of us getting scared by him, even though we knew his office was down there. So we had to resort to the bleachers.

And all the places we made out...

The thought of him just cuts deep. Maybe it stings more since we made up...

He texts, and they're innocent enough, believe it or not. We don't talk about the heavy stuff, or how the old days are just that: the old days.

We just talk. He tells me how he's thinking of going to Sunset, but he's not sure. He says it's because his dad wants to decide where he goes in the end, but part of me think it's because of his ex- fiance.

I mean, he was going to marry her.

Then again, Riku is seeming to be the kind of person who can drop any commitment on a dime...

"Hey." Hayner nudged.

"Huh?"

"It's alright," He smiles, "You'll get used to it soon. Hey, you wanna see something cool?"

He stops in front of me.

I look up past the tall brick buildings shooting up in the sky.

"Sure."

"Yeah! Alright, come on."

We walked through narrow alley ways and corridors through twisting directions. Soon, we end up at a fenced gate on a hill near the sandlot downtown. He opens it and leads me to a rickety door.

"Hayner...you know I don't like sketched places like this."

"It's cool, it's my place." He pushes the wooden door open and walks to the middle of the dark room.

Once the lights on, I see it's not half bad.

"When I moved away from Destiny, I missed our small island so much...I came across this place and cleaned it up. Made it my new hang out. Even though it doesn't have fresh fruit and a nice view, its a chill place. We could pretty much do whatever we want. And there's two plug ins, so we could...I don't know, plug something in? I just come to this place to blow smoke when I've got the time."

"Who lives in the houses next to it?"

He shrugs, "I dunno. Old people? They don't seem to mind though." He sits up on a box and starts throwing darts on the target. He nods over to a box, "Lady next door even gave me some soda's the other day. Help yourself."

My phone rings, "Hello?"

"Hey, you busy right now?"

"Not really, just downtown with Hayner, why?"

"Well...uh...I need you guys to come over real quick."

"What's going on?"

"Ah..." He sighs, "It's hard to explain..."

"Alright, see you soon."

"Alright, see you."

"Huh..."

"What is it?"

"Reno wants us to come over. He...sounded sad."

**-x-**

We drive over the bridge to a little strip joint. A red light flickered above the dingy entrance where scantily dressed women smoke their cigarettes and talk to possible johns.

"So...what are we doing here again?"

"You remember we're drug dealers, right? Come on."

I throw my head back, "Ugh my god why?"

"This whole strip club is a clientele, my boss likes to spoil these girls so be on your best fucking behavior. After this we're going to Twilight Town to meet up with our supplier. You'll get to know him and officially get your cut of the cash. Just be nice and enjoy yourself, looks like you need it after that kid dumped you..."

"He didn't dump me, it was mutual."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I'm serious."

"Me too."

Girls looked our way as we entered the strip joint. Inside it wasn't half bad, a few seating areas and two stages lit by colorful lights. Music buzzed in the background as topless waiters served drinks and conversed with old geezers throwing down fifties and hundreds. Maybe that's the grosses part. I can't help but think about these guys as fathers. Maybe the father of the daughters who went to school with these strippers?

God, don't want to think about that.

Some of the girls weren't half bad, could've sworn I seen a few girls I went to class with years ago.

The bar we sit at is lit up by neon lights and manned by two topless girls.

One had brown hair, cut short like a pixie. Her eyes big and blue, she smiles at me.

I look away.

_Sora..._

I look again and she's turned away, reaching for a bottle on the top shelf.

She looks so much like Sora...

Even her petite body reminds me of a boys...

Of Sora's...

I hear Saix sniff a line up and nearly lose my cool before I see him offer some up to the other girl across the counter.

"How cut is it?"  
>"It's not, just like he directed me to."<br>"What? You said we cut the last of everything." I intervene.  
>"Oh. I lied." Saix pulls out his tiny scale.<p>

"What? Some partner you are..." I start smoking to relieve myself.

I hear sweet giggles and look over. "I'm sorry," She giggles more, "my friend does that to me all the time."

"She's wise to."

**-x-**

I didn't want to believe it.

_Too soon...way too soon..._

Reno cradles a heap in his arms covered with a jacket, a kitten crying out, pawing at his sides.

We were able to give the rest of the litter away except Icicle and his favorite kitten.

"I came home and I heard him outside...he was pouncing around her, trying to wake her up...I was gone for a night, so I don't know what happened." He sighs sadly.

"I'm gonna make a box for her." Hayner mentions quietly before leaving the basement.

I pick up the kitten who was desperately trying to get a look at his mother.

He pushes and paws away from me, begging to be dropped.

"Do...you know what happened?"

He shook his head, swiping the side of his face against his shoulder.

I hear a sniffle.

He sighs, speechless.

**-x-**

Didn't think we'd be back down at this point again. Saix sets up line after line, finding it hard for himself to stop.

"You're comin' down fast tonight." I mention.

The music's loud and the night's picked up with each passing minute.

With each passing second a character walks through the door. All these strippers have bigger than life attitudes. It's something that only gets more attractive as I ask for drinks.

I wouldn't be able to handle this shit any other way.

The girls up front kept us busy with drinks as we sold bag after bag after bag...

I keep looking at my bartender. Her very motions are sweet and elegant, I want to talk to her...

"I didn't catch your name..."I wise up, offering my hand slyly to the one I've dubbed my new Sora.

Like the sick fuck I am, I guess.

She pets her hair aside, offering her hand carefully, "Serenity."  
>I smile, keeping cool considering the conditions.<p>

Her tits hang out perfectly, petite and pink...

She pours me another drink, pouring herself one as well.

"Yeah, Serenity the slacker. You know why she's a slacker, right?"  
>"Why?"<br>"Ugh, shut up..." She huffs, throwing her hand under her chin on the bar.

"Well look at her...She's working in an adult club looking like a child. _A _cups don't work, she's slacking. That's why the boss stuck her behind the counter serving drinks instead of working the pole. He doesn't want people to think that we're putting little girls on the pole. He definitely doesn't want to hear complaints that one of his strippers looks like a guy when she shows off her backside. Cute just doesn't cut it these days..." The more developed looking bartender cackles. Obviously more endowed, she snubs Serenity with her mature body. She was pale with jet black hair, I'm guessing she's the vampire stripper of her stripper club. Sucking the blood (and fun) out of every person she comes across. I guess that's why Sai's more busy with her...

"You know, in other countries, they consider small and petite beautiful. They stay younger longer and probably have all their body hair under control. That's what you were supposed to say, Axel." Saix surprisingly breaks his silence on the subject.

Serenity giggles, "Thank you."

"Shut up Sai. No one asked you..." I looked down.

The other girl pulls her black hair, "Sai give me a break already, you're making me jealous again..."

He grunts, finishing his drink.

Serenity leans over as I finish my drink, _"She's back here with me because of her fat looking vagina."_

I nearly spit out, trying hard not to laugh.

"What she tell you?!" The girl barks.

I shake my head, refusing to answer.

"Oh, just a joke." Serenity grins.

**-x-**

We dug her grave deep and Reno layed her in the box, some of her favorite shirts cushioned and buried her. After lining her grave with rocks, we kinda just stood there. I was still in a sort of shock. How could she have died? She looked banged up...

I honestly felt like it was...something was off, and I couldn't shake that feeling. I didn't want to look at her corpse at that point, and I certainly didn't want to throw that in Reno's face, so I just looked around for a clue for a while when he buried her. For something...

But with every passing moment I had to realize that she's a cat, she could've been anywhere and came back like this...

I gave up.

"You okay Reno?"

He just stared off, lost in thought.

He held the lone kitten in his arms, much like a baby, using his finger as a makeshift play toy. The rose bushes we buried her by were dying off, but it was her favorite place to graze.

"Yeah..." He parts his lips as though to say more, but he holds back instead.  
>I pat his shoulder.<p>

"This is the first pet I've ever had that's died. I...don't know if I can deal with this."

"What are you afraid of?"

He frowns, "Nothing...!"

He takes a few moments before confessing his fear. His eyes fall dull, "What if he dies too?"

I didn't know what to say.

He smiles sadly before putting the kitten down. The kitten dashes over to the grave, sniffing around the dirt for Icicle before giving the ground a few scratches.

Reno turns, leaving me and the kitten behind quickly. Zack comes out in time to be hastily shoved out of the way.

He shrugs, coming over, "What's wrong with him?"

I bite my lip, feeling stupid for not having anything to say.

"Sora?"  
>"Icicle died."<p>

"What?" Zack frowns. I nod over to the grave ahead of us.

"Oh..."

Zack smiles confidently, "He'll be fine."

Zack looks down, a blank expression passing his face.

I hear the sadness in his voice, but he picks himself back up, "Reno can't be sad now that he's the only thing this kitten has. He knows this, and he'll come around. He just...doesn't like attachment."

"Who does, really?" Zack walks over to the square bed of dirt and picks the kitten up, Here. You should take him to Reno."

**-x-**

All I taste on Serenity's tongue is drunk.

She's sloppy yet speedy, already climbing on top of my lap before pushing my jacket off. Saix doesn't seem to give a flying shit as he drives us back.

I guess we're just trying to get off tonight. It's not like we don't deserve it after all this work...

Think I'll help myself.

She slips her hands down my pants, grabbing me hard. I breathe.

She looks so much like Sora.

Before long we're all stumbling back in Sai's place. The dogs only bark until we enter running off soon after. Sai and his girl go to the back, leaving me and Serenity in the living room. She leads me to the couch before pushing herself upon me once more.

"I'll be back, where's you're bathroom?"  
>"Around the corner, to the right."<br>"Okay."

She leaves me, so I take my coke and do a line. It doesn't really hit, considering I still have the bullshit that Sai cut.

She comes back, settling down on my lap.

I feel hot, really hot. And I don't know if it's a good thing or not.

She'd be the first in...god, three years?

She grabs my waist band, "Fuck me..."

...Wow that's a long time.

Not to mention that she looks like...

"What's up?" She asks after pulling away from my neck.

"Nothin', just need a condom."

Shit. I...didn't want to say that.

She grins, "Ah. Haven't you ever fucked a stripper before?"  
>Serenity pulls a condom from her bra and continues to grab my dick.<p>

I'm half hard, half faking it. Not like she fucking notices. If she wants more, then she can work for it.

We make out sloppily for a few before she undresses completely.

I thought that once she got nude, things would be different. Things would kick up down there, and I'd have no problem fucking her to sleep while I coke myself off to some non-existent reality...

But, as of now it doesn't seem to phase me. She's cute. I can't detect any of the raunchiness present on all the other strippers at the club which is great, yet she's not wowing me.

I wrap my arms around her waist tightly, as though it's supposed to make me forget.

_Chyeah, right Ax._

Instead, I get the slight hint of something like cologne...I inhale deeply, reminiscent of Sora.

"What's that smell...?" I ask.

"Uh, my deodorant. I use mens deodorant because it works better..." She blushes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. It just...smells good." I stop myself short from saying she smelled like my ex boyfriend. That would've been really fucking weird of me to say at a time like this.

She giggles, "It's okay."

We begin kissing again as she worked her hands to unbutton my pants. I she grabs my cock and strokes it, making me fidget in my seat from pleasure, and anxiety. I feel like a fucking virgin...I hate this.

I look up as she slid the lubed up condom on me.

Before I notice, she slides herself down on me, "Fuck...you're straight forward, aren't you."

I grab the sides of the couch cushions, slowly being consumed by guilt as I grew harder. My cock throbbed from the pleasure.

"Yeah, I don't actually mess around much, unlike that _bitch _you're friend is getting with in the other room."

She hisses, slowly sliding all the way down. I feel her walls closing around me tight. My hearts beating out of my chest.

I...don't think I actually want to do this. Yet, here I am.

She grabs my shoulders and leans in close. "Don't move..."

"...What?"  
>"Don't. Move." I hear a bag pop open in my ears. She pushes my neck over, dumping a line on me before snorting it off like I'm a fucking table.<p>

She licks my neck clean afterwards. I don't think twice when she uses the length of her pointer finger as a table to offer me a line. Her uncut coke trumps my shit any day, I'd be an idiot not to.

Her pupils dilate as she slides up again, sitting on the tip of my dick.

We stare at each other. But it's mainly her staring at me.

I can't take it anymore...

The higher I get, the more I feel...angry...like I hate her...for not being Sora.

_You should be Sora...why aren't you Sora...?_

I grab her hips and begin bucking. Her moans grew louder the faster I went.

"Ahhh...ahh god fuck! Fuck meee!" Her eyes were glued shut, her tits bounced with each thrust.

I hoped staring enough would turn her into Sora. Fuck...I wish...

But all I could do was imagine Sora. How much better everything would be...

Her moans cut into my thoughts and I roll my eyes, pulling out before pushing her off of me.  
>"Wha...what are you doing?" She pants, staring at my cock for more.<p>

"Don't worry about it." I flip her on her stomach, pulling her hips up with one hand as I pushed her down by her hair with another.

I start fucking her again, switching my glances from the back of her head to the wall, then back again.

_She's just not Sora..._

**-x-**

"Don't bother knocking, you can't here anything from down there." Cloud mentions at the table while Leon and Hayner chat.

"Hey, do you know how the cat died?" Hayner asks me.

I feel this rock drop in my stomach, remembering what she looked like.

She had cuts and scratches all over, her body had bruises and lumps we've never felt before...

I look down at the kitten, as alive and safe as ever. I don't answer him. I can't.

I open the basement door and walk down the stairs quietly with the kitten. The lights are dimmed and a lump is present under Reno's sheets. Cat toys were scattered around the basement and her dish was still filled. Her bed was undisturbed, only because her and her kitten slept next to Reno every night. It feels as though she never left...

The kitten grew excited in my arms being in his presence, and I plop him down on top.

I rub my hands before delivering what I wanted to say all along.

"He's not going to die as long as you take care of him. Icicle would want you to take care of him like you did her. You probably gave her a better life than she ever had. You should give that to her son too. It's like...you're the dad. You've always been, so don't throw it away."

I don't know if my ramblings got to him or not, so I just sat down on the bed and twiddled my thumbs, thinking of something even better to say because I might have fucked up with the last thing I said.

After a few more moments, I hear him laugh weakly, "I guess you're right."  
>He sits up and I smile looking behind me.<p>

His goggles are off and his hair loose, split in two over his bare shoulders and chest.

It takes a lot just to not stare at Reno, a lot of the times.

"You're right. I just got caught up in the moment."

The kitten tumbles in Reno's lap, entangling himself in Reno's long hair.

"No, no no no. You do this every time! Fuck!"

Pain overtook his face, but the kitten didn't care, thinking it was all fun in games. Soon , the kitten himself was so tangled he couldn't enjoy himself. I couldn't help but giggle as Reno and the kitten stared each other down.

"Help me."  
>I hold the kitten up as he works to untangle him from his hair.<p>

"Are you gonna name him finally?"  
>"I guess. I'm bad with names...but you're <em>horrible.<em> It would be wrong of me to let that responsibility fall onto you again."  
>"Asshole. I'd like to see what you come up with..."<p>

Reno layed on the bed, playing with the kitten until he became sleepy.

"Sora! You coming?" Hayner calls from upstairs.  
>"After he makes me a sandwich." Reno calls upstairs.<p>

"..."  
>He clasps his hands together, "Pretty please?"<br>I roll my eyes, "Yeah, sure. What kind?"  
>"I dunno."<br>"Reno!"  
>"Turkey."<br>"Okay. I can do that. I'll be back."

I go upstairs and see Hayner lounging in the kitchen by himself.  
>"Where did everyone go?"<br>"I don't know. Upstairs. Ready? I got classes early tomorrow."  
>"I know, me too. Hold on."<p>

I open his fridge and start making Reno a sandwich while Hayner watched.

"I know what you're thinking."  
>"What are you, his wife?"<br>I sigh, "Like I said, I know what you're thinking."  
>"That's it, huh? You've always wanted to be someone's little housewife. How is it?"<br>I slam the bread on top, finishing the sandwich."Hayner shut up. I'm done, okay?"

I take down the sandwich, plus a cup of water so he doesn't choke.  
>He gets excited, smiling, "You're so sweet! Thank you!"<br>I blush, "No problem. Goodnight Reno. Bye kitty."  
>I pet the kitten next to him a few times.<p>

"Goodnight. See you tomorrow."

**-x-**

Hayner and I step outside, to where he continued to sing the following:

"Sora and Reno, sittin' in a tree...k.i.s.s.i.n.g!"  
>"Hayner..."<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey!"  
>"What's up? What's with the new uniform?"<p>

"It's a new policy. We're so rowdy over there, they _need_ a way to control us."

"Yeah, well, you look like a nerd."  
>"You're such a jerk. I get tired of hearing that...How long has this one been sleeping?"<p>

Someone sits on my bed next to me, I groan.

"I don't know. One day he's gonna be dead, and no one'll notice since he's a bum."

"Psh, _lucky."_

I pull my pillow over my face and roll over, "Shut the fuck up you guys..."

"Wake up, don't you have class Sora?" I hear Hayner hover over me. I ignore him for a few seconds before he and Dem start shaking my bed.

"EARTHQUAAAAKE."

"What time is it?" I groan, not minding the turbulence.  
>"Like, 9:50."<p>

I jolt off the bed.  
>"Crap!" I grab the whatever clothes I left on the floor last night and rush into the bathroom.<p>

"What time do you have to be at class?" Hayner asks.

"Fifteen minutes, or else my teacher locks the door."  
>"Ouch. Tough luck getting to campus that fast. You'll have to book it."<p>

"Why don't you just drive?"

I begin brushing my teeth in the small sink. "It takes at east ten minutes to warm up my car."  
>I spit out the chalky toothpaste, rinse and grab my backpack.<p>

"Later."  
>"Good luck!"<p>

I close the door and rush down three stories. Outside the fog is thick and the air is freezing. I see ice formed over the green lawn.

I dash out of the dorm campus and keep on a straight path until I reach main lobby of Twilight.

Inside the halls are empty except for the few wandering. The sound of teachers speaking echoes through the hall slowly. I hope he's not there yet.

I catch my breath at the top of stairs and look towards my speech class. The door was cracked, a few students gathered outside talking and waiting.

_Yes. Made it._

As I approached my speech class, I hear someone behind me.

"Hello, Sora. Late, I see?"

I swallow, noticing my peers entering the class again before turning around. I see a coffee in Mr. Sashima's hand as he stood there, just as late as I am. He smiles and I know it's over.

"Can't I get a pass? I'm only late by like, three minutes."

"No Sora, I'm afraid you know the rules."  
>I plead, "But you're later than I am."<p>

He smiles opening his classroom door wider as if to get an audience, "Traffic. Now now Sora, if I let you in, then all your classmates would think that it was alright to come in tardy."

Behind the teacher, Pence was gaining tons of snickers from flipping the teacher off furiously.

Pence begins simulating a blow job before the teacher snaps his head around, almost catching Pence in the act.

Pence looks down at his papers innocently, girls giggling.

"...Anyhow, I do hope you'll get your alarm clock working soon. Your grade in speech class heavily depends on attendance, obviously. Bye bye now."

Mr. Sashima closes the door behind him and pulls the blinds down.

I hear his voice boom as he greets the class.

"_Your grade heavily depends on attendance obviously_...Asshole."

I slide down against the wall next to the door.

My lungs burn from all the useless running, so I pull my bag off my back and rummage for my inhaler.

As I reached into a pocket, the bag gets kicked clear out of my hand and slides across the floor.

"_Sorry."_ The sarcastic bunch snicker as I stand up and reach for my bag again.

I don't say anything, planning to forget about the whole ordeal. As I shovel my crap in my bag, this douche steps ON my bag as he walks away.

"Hey watch where the fuck you're going." I grumble, pulling out my inhaler before zipping up my bag and throwing it on my back.

I look at it and realize that the plastic applicator is smashed, rendering my inhaler useless now.

"What'd you say?" The guy turns over. Some random blonde kid hiding under his stupid beanie and his beefed up friends.

"You broke my inhaler." I say.

"_You broke my inhaler." _He mocks me and they start laughing.

I roll my eyes and start away.

"That's right, bitch." I hear him say.  
>I flip him off descending the steps.<p>

**-x-**

Half an hour past ten and I'm still laying here with her.

The glam and glitter of last night has worn off.

_What did I do...?_

I face palm, but quickly retract it as she stirs.

I didn't sleep at all. Just didn't trust her or her friend in the other room. I've seen the movies...

I feel my mouth water in the way that warns me that my stomach is about to disagree. I take her arm off me and grab for my clothes. I get dressed quietly, stopping every time she began to stir.

A rash thought hits me and I act.

I take my baggie of coke and switch it out for hers before heading off to Sai's room.

My head bangs as I'm filled with nausea. I knock quietly a few times, leaning up against the door.

**-x-**

"Aw, you didn't make it, did you?"  
>"No." I throw my bag on the floor and reach into my drawers for a new inhaler applicator.<p>

"Mr. Sashima was later than I was, and he still didn't let me come in."

"He's a jerk."

"Then, some asshole kicked my shit straight across the floor and broke my inhaler afterward."

"What? Really?"  
>"That sounds like <em>Seifer." <em>Dem sticks his tongue out. Hayner laughs.

"Yeah."  
>"Who's that?"<p>

"He's part of the _TDC..._Some bullshit gang he pulls out of his ass. He's just a little bitch who goes to school just to run around with daddy's money. He has this thing for stepping on other peoples stuff, sometimes I think he's...you know...a retard."

"A kid like that..." He shakes his head.  
>"Anyways, wanna go to the mall?"<p>

"...Mall?"  
>"Oh, yeah. Sora hasn't been to a mall yet."<br>"Really? Holy shit, how were you guys living on Destiny again? Lets go guys come on!"

His enthusiasm always makes us smile.

**-x-**

"Sai..." I say into the door.

He opens the door and lets me in, despite his girl laying out in the open, blacked out.

We walked to the far corner of his room.

His eyes were bloodshot past his blue bangs, he looked exhausted. I knew I probably wasn't going to talk him into giving me a ride.

So I went for the next best thing.

"Share that." I stared down at the cigarette, hanging off his lips.

"No, it's my last one."  
>"Please? Please?"<br>"Fuck you..." He hissed.

I frown a bit, looking outside his window.

I hear him sigh as he shoves the cigarette in my mouth, "Have it."  
>I gasp, "Thanks...!"<p>

We stood at the window. Instead of finishing the cigarette off, I decide to share with him.

"So, did you slay the beast?" I whisper, looking over my shoulder quietly.

"I'm not that easy."

I feel my jaw drop, surprised. "Since when?" I ask jokingly.

I mean, he did fuck my ex when I was dating her.

He takes a long drag, "No one told me she had a fat pussy either."

**-x-**

"This place is fucking huge! It's bigger than-than-"

"-Than anything on Destiny? I know."

I rush up to what looks like one of the entrances and just stare.

All of the advertisements and large pillars took me by surprise, I take time reading each one as people passed by.

Through the glass door I see what looks like people gliding on air.

"What are they doing?"  
>"Ice skating. Wanna go? I think they have free skate today."<br>"Ice skating? But...it's not winter..."  
>"I know, I know. It defies all explanation, just trust me."<p>

Inside I get a closer look.

The ice is white and slick, with just a few skaters on. Little girls do spins and turns that look fun but would probably put me to shame if I tried.

Once we're in, I carefully walk over to the ice in clunky skates. It's colder than I thought it'd be.

"I don't know about this."

"It's cool, I'm not that good either." Hayner reassures.  
>Dem is out there already, gliding carelessly.<p>

I take my first step and move my legs. As I make progress I start getting excited.

This is awesome!

Ah man, this day is gonna be so fun!

"I think I got-"  
>I fall on my back and slam my head on the ice.<p>

"Sora! Are you okay?" Hayner looks down at me, holding onto the railing.  
>I just breathe, touch the back of my head, "Am I bleeding?"<br>"I don't think so, but you smacked the ice pretty goddamn hard. You should take a break."

I sit out for a while, making sure I didn't bust my head before they coaxed me back on the ice.

I'll try anything twice.

**-x-**

I jump out of Sai's window to avoid waking up what's her face sleeping in the living room and start the long walk home.

With each passing step, I become more miserable.

_What did I do...?_

_I've dreamed about you almost every night since I last saw you..._

Home has never been so empty since you left.

I rush upstairs, and turn my shower on high. I sit on the counter, slowly tearing off each piece of clothing.

The smell of my old cum makes me want to puke.

What are you doing right now, Sora?  
>I look at my phone, hoping for a call, a text, a voice mail. Anything that tells me he misses me.<p>

_Please need me, Sora._

But it's obvious.

He's moved on.

I stare at the last photo of him I kept on my phone.

That stupid fucking beach pic I insist on keeping time after time.

I feel a tear fall down my face and throw my phone across the bathroom.

_Why don't you miss me...!?_

I hold my eyes and move my nude body over to the shower.

I let the water scorch me, washing my body repeatedly.

_What did he ever see in a guy like me? I don't deserve him...but I want him._

**-x-**

After taking a bunch of lame photos in a booth for an hour, we sit by Dem and watch him play up tips.

He takes off his new black dress vest and loosens his yellow tie, giving us a thumbs up before playing.

Hayner and I just watch from afar as people gathered. Maybe it was his voice, or his sick riff he just came up with.

"He looks smooth as fuck. I wish I had skill like that." Hayner contradicts his early comments of calling Dem a nerd.

It be hard not to, I mean, look at him. He actually looks sharp as fuck, which isn't the usual thing you'd describe Dem as at first.

"Right?" I agree.

Girls stick around and give him numbers as old people tell him how much they respect his style.

He takes all of his compliments in stride and stays modest.

I see where they come from.

Everything down to his voice is amazing. He can probably cover any song and make it better than the original.

He never misses a note or cord, and by the end of his song I'm even wondering why the hell he's hanging with us when he could well be on his way to being rich and famous.

After about forty five minutes he's ready to go, much to the dismay of his new found fans.

We start walking back to the car, watching papers fall out of his pockets.

"How many numbers did you get this time."  
>"I dunno..." Dem reaches into a pocket and pulls a literal ball of papers out.<p>

Some float off behind him as we reach my car.

"Jesus Dem, you ever call anyone back?"

"Pssh, if you think I can put all those faces to all these numbers just to call one girl then you're crazy! I usually prank call them when I'm feelin' lonely though. Or I give 'em away!"  
>Me and Hayner laugh, "That's wrong."<br>"Well, maybe they shouldn't hand out their number to random ass guys playing guitar. That's...dangerous. I mean, come on now, if I was a murderer..."

"What do you say to them?"  
>"What do I say?"<br>"Yeah."

"Okay." He smiles. Dem clears his throat before saying in a deep voice, "_You better watch out...IIII'm in your house...under your bed...fuckin' gutting your kitty. Don't look don't look...just ah...get nekked. Don't sass me bitch get nekked! _And depending on what they say, I either keep going or hang up. Usually, I have to hang up._"_

"What the hell is your problem? You're weird man." We all laugh.

He laughs, "I actually had one chick say okay to me the whole time."  
>"What'd you do?"<br>"I got scared and hung up. I didn't want to make her get nekked. It had to be illegal in some way."

**-x-**

After my shower, I picked up my cracked phone and layed down. Hiro's on his bed above me, watching t.v like usual.

"What's up?" He asked.

I don't answer, instead I mess around with my phone. I click out of his photo a hundred times. Think about sending Sora a text.

The bed shakes a bit and I see Hiro's head pop down.

"Where were you last night?"  
>"None of your business."<p>

I mash the buttons on my phone loudly, hoping that he'd get the hint that I was occupied.

Instead, he hangs around.

He tries looking me in the eyes and I turn around annoyed.

"You that hung up on Sora...?"  
>"I'm not, leave me the fuck alone!" I throw a pillow behind me, hoping it gets him in the face.<p>

"Take it easy! I'm only trying to fucking help you you sad sap."

"I didn't ask for any."

**-x-**

After we get ready, we head off to the bar downtown. Everyone seemed like they were out on the town for tonight. People dressed a lot more flashy here in the city. It's...hard to explain. I feel like a kid playing amongst adults again.

In a way, we all are, racing through the streets and hopping over fences in our sub par clothes because we can. Some of these old city folks look at us with disgust, some with envy.

I think of Roxas, and how much more fun we'd be having as soon as he graduates and comes over.

I look up to the clock tower and think about investigating it tonight.

"Sora, this way!"  
>I almost walk past the dark alleyway they dipped into.<p>

I look up at the skies as they continued to talk and start getting homesick.

I wish I had stayed behind a little while longer before jumping into school.

We stop by the hangout for awhile, taking our time.

I decide to give Roxas a call and step outside.

"Hello?"  
>"Hey! What's up?" I speak, almost afraid that it was his voice mail.<p>

"Nothing, just trying to get this project done. Extra credit. Still trying to graduate early, y'know?"  
>I smile, "Yeah."<br>"What's up with you?"  
>"I'm about to go to this little party Reno invited us to. It's at his friends bar."<br>"What? Seriously? Not fair dude."  
>"Yeah, it's gonna be Dem's first time drinking."<br>"You know what that means right? You can't get more drunk than he is, or you guys are fucked."  
>I laugh, "I didn't plan on it."<br>"Got someone you're trying to impress, is that why?" He teases over the phone.  
>I blush,"No, just don't wanna drink too much tonight. I miss you."<br>I change the subject.

"I miss you too, faggot."

"How endearing. How's mom doing?"  
>"She's fine. Dad's always gone so she's good."<br>"That's great. I want it to stay that way."  
>"I know. Anyways, you heard me. I gotta finish this project or else you might not see me until after summer. Have fun, show 'em what you're made of. Love you."<br>"Love you too, bye."  
>"Bye."<p>

I sigh, tilting my head back.

I see this black cat scuddle across my path with something taped to its neck.

"The fuck...?"

I notice a bright orange wick shortening and realize what it was.

Before I could think I grab the cat and cover its eyes as the firework begins to go off.

Hayner and Dem must've heard the popping and come out just in time.

I see two more cats pass me with fireworks.

Before I could say anything they reacted, chasing down the other two cats and freeing them of the fireworks.

Afterward, I check the cat I held for injuries.

He meows before jumping out of my arms unharmed. I came away with a few cuts and burns, nothing too bad for handling a firework.

The cats run off behind houses together, and I look in the direction from where they came. "Who the fuck...?"

"Yeah, that happens a lot around here. Blame it on all the street kids." Hayner sighs.

"Yeah, once it gets dark there's no controlling those assholes."

"You've gotta be kidding me." I start walking towards the sandlot, the direction the cats ran from. Not one person looked like they had a stash of cats and fireworks. Most seemed as surprised as I was or unaware that it even happened.

"It's no use, unless you want to go underground."  
>"I am NOT going down there." Dem shakes his head, "Screw that place. No. Sora, if you want to be detective, by all means go ahead. But me? I'm having my first drink before I die in a dirty sewer tonight, thank you." With that, Dem turns around and starts walking away.<p>

"You can't be serious..."  
>"If any more cats start running by us, then we'll go back. Let's just go. It's huge and dark down there anyways, we'd get lost before finding anyone with fireworks." He gives me a little nudge before catching up to Dem.<p>

I look back one more time, thinking about Icicle before I started walking again.

**-x-**

After twenty more minutes we finally reached the "red district" of Twilight Town.I see a cloud with a green 9 above a bar entrance nestled in between a restaurant and a strip club.

A girl comes out from around the corner of Cloud 9 and looks around. She spots us and begins waving.

"Is that it?"

"Yup."

"Hi! I'm Aerith." She holds out her hand and I shake it. She's pretty, and reminds me of my mom and aunt Mari. Her brown hair is long in a ringlet, up in a pink bow. Her dress was also pink.

She's just...so pink and natural. She's gorgeous.

"Sora."  
>"Welcome! That's a pretty name. Reno likes you a lot, although he tries to hide it." She giggles.<p>

I laugh nervously, feeling my face turn red. Hayner grabs my shoulders and shakes me, _"Ah, yup. Sora likes Reno a lot too."_

I elbow him hard in the side and they laugh.

My phone starts buzzing, "I'll catch up with you guys."  
>"Okay, don't take too long. All the drinks might be gone."<p>

"That would surely kill us all Hayner." I hear Aerith giggle as the door opens.

After the back entrance shuts, I open the text.

The solitary text I never thought I'd grace my eyes upon again.

"_Hey."_

I stare at it in awe. I never thought Axel would bother with me again. I mean, a guy like him...he wouldn't stay single for long.

Not that he _shouldn't._

_Hey yourself, pal._

I decide to ignore it. This night'll be better without him.

**-x-**

I walk into the bar. Everything's dark, and the music moves the floor. First thing I see is Zack using one of the pool tables as a bed as his arms move with the beat. Aerith and another girl who I assume is Tifa, are over him, waiting impatiently with their pool sticks. Tifa's short like Aerith, but other than that they look like polar opposites. She's in black skinny's with a plain white top, rings on every finger and tattoos down both arms. And, I guess I know what they're talking about now when they brought up her...ahem, tits.

I mean, they're bigger than most I've ever seen.

I wonder if she had any work done.

"You're such a sore loser."

Zack sits up pointing his finger at no one in particular, his face reddened and eyes nearly shut, "If-if I'M such a sore loser...than why do _you_ guys have to cheat?"

"Have to cheat?"

He laughs, "Yeah. _Cheat._"  
>"We-you mean-me and her, half to cheat at pool, to win against you? The king of losing?" Tifa stands close to Aerith.<p>

"Mmm...yeah. Sounds 'bout right."

Aerith pounds her stick on the floor, "Zack!"

He laughs, "Alright, alright."

"Yeah, get lost loser. The girls are playing a decent game without you." Tifa resumes gathering the pool balls as Zack hangs his arm over Aerith.

"Love you too Tif. And I really love you..." He nestles his nose into Aerith's neck before kissing her. She giggles, and I am instantly shot back down to lonely ville.

Cloud ruffles my hair before handing me his unopened beer.  
>"He's been waiting for you. I'd go over there before Leon starts telling your most embarrassing childhood stories to cheer him up." Cloud tells me.<p>

I look over to the bar where Reno and Leon sat across from each other talking. Leon poured him a drink while he mouthed a few words before they laughed.

_Please don't Leon._

I slide into a seat next to Reno, "Stop talking crap about me Leon."

"You're here!" Reno excites.  
>"I didn't say anything. All I talked about was the turd you left in the tub when you were a kid."<p>

Silence.

He tries to drink from his beer without a smile, but it breaks once Reno starts laughing in his arms, pounding at the bar top.  
>My face gets bright red and I slam my palms on the table, looking in between them in astonishment, "I never fucking did that! You-you <em>liar!<em>"

They start laughing even harder.

"I know I know I'm just kidding! Ha! Loser." He steps back and hops over to our side of the bar, before putting me in a head lock.

"Leon!"

"Too. Bad. Kid." He proceeds to give me a noogie that hurts more than usual. I wince and he stops.  
>"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks, not releasing me from the head lock.<p>

He taps on the back of my head and it pains me.

"Ow!"  
>"Why do you have a lump on your head?"<br>"I busted my head on ice earlier today you dick!" I punch him in his gut and he releases me, wincing over in double pain as I decide to flick the tip of his nose, just the way he hates it.

_Yeah you like that you little bitch?_

I do it over and over again.

"Ow!" He slaps my hand away and I snicker. Leon hops back over the counter and grabs his drink.  
>"You deserved it." Reno comments. Leon straightens up before smiling all knowingly.<p>

"Shut up Reno, of course you'd defend _Sora. Sora this Sora that._ You know, this guy has a fuckin' vid-"  
>Reno jumps over the counter, grabbing the back of his neck with one hand and holding his mouth shut with the other, "-You're startin' to sound like you've had a little too much to drink there buddy. Now be a good fuckin' kid and go check on Cloud, huh?" He laughs nervously.<p>

Leon cocks a brow, looking over to Reno who insists on holding his mouth shut.

Reno raises his brows, nodding, smiling. Laughing, "Go hang out with Cloud."  
>He takes his hand off Leon's mouth and sits back down on the stool.<p>

Leon rolls his eyes.  
>"Well, now you both have something to be embarrassed about. I'm goin' over here."<p>

Leon takes his drink and walks over to Cloud.

"Well he sounds like he's getting there already..." I grumble, opening my beer.

"Hi." I say shyly to Reno after taking my first sip.

He looks over, "Took ya long enough."

"Sorry. And for the record I never did that whole tub thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he did that as a kid..."  
>He nods, smiling, "It's alright. I figured."<br>"What was he saying though?"  
>"What? What about what? I don't know Leon's stupid he's drunk don't listen to him."<p>

"Okay. I guess."  
>Reno blushes, and I can't help but feel like...<p>

I don't know. He pounds back an entire can of beer before smiling, "Yeah, he's just...stupid."

**-x-**

Seeing him so excited to see me made me feel...good. Wanted. Not just tolerated, but wanted.

We played shot games with weak liquor just to keep the night going, and so far so good.

Dem's been taking it slow. I mean, really slow. He's dipped his tongue in drinks without really drinking them.  
>Tifa's been grabbing down bottle after bottle, trying to find a drink he liked.<p>

"Too sweet. Too bitter. Ugh, what is that? Mud?"  
>"Jesus Christ Dem nothing's gonna taste like a fucking grape soda. This isn't candy land." Tifa looks at two bottles, before passing one down to him.<p>

"Well, I know there's some that come close."  
>"Oh just drink a beer already will ya?" Hayner comments from across the room.<p>

He's been distant with that one chick all night. It's weird, but we've got enough company to not really care.

I guess.

"No! I've thought this out for weeks now. I want liquor to be my drink, not beer. Tasty, yet strong. It's gotta have _legs."_

"That's with wine, Dem." Cloud interjects. If I'm not mistaken, he's a wine junkie.

Dem sighs, "Whatever. I'm the one who might die in the end, at least let me do it with my choice of drink."  
>"He has a point." Cloud says.<p>

Tifa sighs, before pouring five shots.

"I want you to try all of these shots."  
>"But-"<br>"-Shhh, don't even worry about it dude. I've got you." She pets his hair before sitting down.

He sniffs the first shot before picking it up, "I guess this smells alright-"

"-JUST DO IT." Hayner shouts.

He drinks it, before sticking his tongue out and shaking his head, coughing, "UGH! What the fuck is _that?"_

We all laugh.

**-x-**

Reno's been a bit upset on the count of his cat dying. He keeps bringing Icicle up, like he can't get her out of his head. And I don't blame him.

After what she looked like...

I can't stand seeing him so upset.

"Well, is her kitten doing good?" I ask.

He smiles, " Yeah, he's getting bigger by the day. I can't lie, it kinda gives me this weird feeling of responsibility. I named him."  
>"What?"<br>"Baxter."  
>I smile, "Guess you are better at names than I am."<br>He laughs, "I know. I'll be back. Actually, come with me."

He swings around and stands up. I follow him around the corner of the bar.

"Hey, where you guys going?" Tifa asks leaning over the bar.

"We'll be back."

We walk through two sets of doors and go upstairs.

"This is where the girls live." He tells me before opening the door. Inside it's just a normal, small apartment. There were a few blankets on the floor and Baxter crawls through them.

"You brought him?" I sit on the floor and start playing with him. I see what Reno's talking about when he said he's grown, but he's still the size of a shoe. His fur has set into a deeper gray since the first time I saw him.

"Yeah, figured I didn't want to leave him wandering around the house alone...He likes new places anyways."

I lay back and pull the cat onto my chest. The television is on some weird bird channel and cat toys are scattered about the hardwood floor. I lean up against the couch behind me.

Baxter paws away at my nose before jumping on my head. I feel his little mouth nipping at my hair every five seconds and giggle, "You're too cute."

We hear sudden laughter roar from downstairs.

"Sounds like they're_ really _starting without us. Drunken bastards."

Reno sets a dish full of food down by the kitchen and Baxter takes off running.

He takes a stool and sits by the backdoor, lighting a cigarette, "Don't tell Tifa. I'm not supposed to be smoking inside, but..." He trails off, grinning, indulging in his guilty pleasure of smoke.

"Don't stop the party 'cus of me. Help yourself." He pulls out a flask from his pocket and tosses it over.

"That is, if you can handle it." He snickers. He swings around, giving me the pleasure of staring at his beautiful backside.

His hair entrances me, the length of it, the color.

God...I just wanna...touch it again.

I pick up the silver flask and open it. "What is it?"  
>"Meh." Was all he said.<p>

"Meh?" I open the cap and take a few sips.

It tastes alright, so I take a few more.

"Yo, you actually drinking that shit Sora?" I hear Reno react from across the room.

"Yeah, why? What's wrong with it?"  
>"Nothing technically...You should slow down."<br>"Reno! What'd you do to it?"  
>"It's just a bunch of mixed up liquor in one bottle, so it ain't that bad...I mean, you'll probably end up puking and having a bad hangover, but it ain't that bad." He puts his cigarette out and swings around again.<p>

"Six different bottles went into that flask and you actually drank it? Gross. Well, guess I have to drink it too now."  
>"Gee, thanks. Here." I toss his flask back to him.<p>

He takes a few drinks himself before making his 'disgusted' face.

"What's wrong? Can't handle it?" I laugh.

He waves his hand in front of his disgusted face, "N-nah...I need some water."

He goes into the kitchen and I hear the faucet running.

My phone buzzes again and I close my eyes.

_Go away..._

I open the text just so my phone stops buzzing.

**-x-**

A few minutes pass by.

Then a few more.

Maybe it was a mistake to text him, but I don't want to believe it.

I need to get _somewhere._

I mean...it's Sora.

**-x-**

Downstairs it's...different.

Fast happy techno played over the speakers as colorful strobe lights flickered in the background.

We literally watched them drink like fish for five minutes.

"I knew it." Reno whispers, standing still.  
>"What?"<br>He pulls me out of their site around the corner.

"Look, when Air and Tifa get together, they get wild. Air isn't drunk, but she really likes getting people drunk. Tifa's the same, but she _is _drunk."

_Reno, you're drunk. Listen to your sentences man._

"They have this little game where once you're in sight, they give you as much beer or shots as possible. You chug the shit out of it and do it again until you'd rather be punched by Tif, or you throw up. One time it was both..."

He shakes his head, "But I won't get into that now. Just, be careful. I'm stickin' to the beer." He struts out and I follow.

We joined them at the crowded bar as Tifa and Aerith wildly poured out shots and passed them around.

They gasp once they see us, "You! Go!" They push two mugs down our way.  
>"CHUG!"<br>"But I'm really bad with chugging!" I say.

"CHUG!"

"I can't!" I look around and see Reno doing as they say.

He finishes in due time and Aerith notices, taking his mug away before pouring more.  
>"They don't...take no...for an answer. " Reno breathes for air, laying his head on the bar quickly before they get him another mug. He starts up again.<p>

Aerith and Tifa look to each other, before pulling out an insane number of shot glasses while giggling.

Dem puts a hand on my shoulders, his eyes fluttering, "Either you do it, or they take away your right as a decent human being. Her punches _really_ hurt Sora..."  
>"Shut up Dem! You didn't drink the rest of your beer yet!" Tifa shouts as they poured me five shots.<p>

"Are you crazy?"

"This is how I'd do happy hour every day if it didn't cost me!" She cackles maniacally as Aerith works on serving Cloud and Leon more beer.

"Now drink."

_"Nooooo..._" He says fearfully.

Tifa makes a fist with an extended knuckle.

"No, please don't. I-I'll do as you say alright? Look! I'm drinking hahaha..."

She doesn't fall for it, holding his arm down before digging her knuckle into his flesh with a punch.

"AH! Son of a bitch!" He cries out as he brings the mug to his mouth.

After she's done, she looks to me with the same maniacal grin.  
>"Sora..." She chimes.<p>

"Nope. Uh-uh." I say, taking my shots as fast as possible.

"Yeah!" Aerith and her high five.

Cloud pushes away from the bar, shaking his head.

"Oh, I think he's sick." Leon comments before drinking more.

Cloud rushes to the bathroom.

In the darkest corner of my room I see Zack passed the fuck out, his head hanging low.

Hayner is no where in site, and that doubles for that other girl he was talking to.

"Hey! Don't get distracted!" I hear a palm come down across from me.

"I want beer." I say, knowing full well that five shots is pushing it, and anymore would fold me over.

"Wise decision." Reno says.

**-x- **

"H-Hey Roxas..."  
>"Hey Sora...what's up? It's like...three in the fucking morning."<p>

I layed on the pool table where Zack was when we first arrived. After a few rounds of Tifa's bonified happy hour, everyone became reasonably trashed, I gave up way before Reno and now have a few bruises on my arm. Reno came away with one punch, seeing as though he worked the system by getting Tifa drunk off his flask way before she was able to assault him again.

"The room is SPINNING."

"I know Sora, I know." He laughs.  
>"Oh, oh do you?"<p>

"Shit man, how much did you drink exactly?"  
>"Enough to bring down a-a-a LION. Or a baby hippo. Something awesome." I run my fingers through my hair.<p>

Roxas laughs on the other end of the line, "So, you are calling me because...?"  
>"Because I love you. And I MISS you. And don't tell anyone, but I think I'm gonna be <em>sick.<em>"  
>"Good on ya, mate. I'm sure they'll take care of you. But, I'm tired as hell, so I'm going back to sleep. Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you, Axel asked for you."<p>

I grind my teeth, "Now I _know _I'm gonna be sick."  
>"So, what should I tell him?"<br>"Tell him to go fuck off, I'm not havin' it..." I spit out, climbing off the pool table.

"I'll...I'll just tell him you didn't say anything back for now."  
>"Yeah, yeah you do that."<br>"Okay, later."  
>"Bye."<p>

I stand up and hang against the pool table, trying to regain my balance for a few seconds. I stare at the space in between my shoes, running my fingers repeatedly through my hair. The floor wobbles.

I look up at the glow in the dark clock across the room. I don't even...

Everything's so fucking...wobbly.

Is my brain shaking? My head hurts.

I walk over to the bar where Dem and Reno are playing with Baxter now. Leon's passed out at a table with Cloud.

I don't see Hayner or Olette in site. I look around one last time before I rest my head on the bar.

Tifa sat across the bar with Aerith rubbing her back, head on counter, "Gimme another shot."

"You've had way too much. Ready for bed?"  
>She frowns, her face mushed against the counter, "Don't treat me like a kid Air. I'm not a kid."<p>

She pounds her lazy fists against the counter. Aerith rolls her eyes.

"Okay, okay. Calm down."  
>"I am." She grunts. Tifa closes her eyes, and I think she passes out for a sec.<p>

Aerith rubs her back for a few more seconds, before leaning in to look at her face.

A few more seconds go by before she makes a move.  
>"Don't freak out."<br>She doesn't respond.  
>"Okay..." Aerith comes from behind, and takes Tifa's arm around her shoulders.<p>

"It's been nice meeting all of you...goodnight. Happy hour...was a mistake." Tifa breathes out as Aerith walks with her around the corner.

"It was never happy hour sweetheart. You gals just...just made us drink like fish with the threat of violence." Reno stammers out.  
>"Psshaaah."<p>

"Night." We all say.

"And don't touch any of the locked up bottles!" She peeks around the corner, eyeing solely Reno.

"What?"  
>"You know what."<br>"Okay, I won't."

"Yeah. Alright. Goodnight."

Reno smiles, rubbing Baxter's belly, "I'll only take what I need."

"That's right! I've...got a business to run here..." She doesn't catch it.

We laugh as they leave.

I feel my phone buzz once more and answer it, thinking it's Roxas.

"Hello?"  
>"Sora?"<p>

The boulder drops in my tums. Just the sound of his voice sends me flying.

I don't know whether to speak or...

"Yeah?" I ask, boldly.

He fell silent. I mean, nothing. I look at my phone just to make sure he didn't hang up.

Once that was confirmed, I just...

"Well, what is it? You called me, spit it out." I nearly raged, slamming my palm on the bar.

Reno looks over his shoulder, cocks a brow, "Jeez Sora...who's on the line?"

"Who's that?" Axel asks over the receiver.

I don't answer.

"Sora? Hello?"

_You justified your cheating by saying that I was going to leave anyways._

_Maybe you were right._

"It's no one," I say to Reno, hanging up on Axel.

"Are you sure?"  
>"Yeah, who was that?" Dem asks.<p>

I shake my head, "No one. I'll be back. I need fresh air."

I jump off the stool and walk to the side door.  
>I step outside, staring at my phone.<p>

_Why the fuck would you try to talk to me after I've been gone for so long..._

_You said it yourself, I was leaving you anyways._

I look up to the dull stars, realizing just how fucking dim they are.

Why did I leave...?

I wish I could just wake up in my own real bed at Destiny.

Hell, even Roxas' bed'll due. I grab a box to sit down on and shake up my own hair profusely.

I hear the back door crack open. Reno looks sympathetic.

"Hey." Reno says quietly peeking through.

"Hey." I try to smile, but it comes off flaky.

"You okay?" He asks behind the door.

I throw a half smile, shrug.

"What's wrong?" He comes out.

I shrug, "Nothing."

My phone buzzes.

"_Fine then, ignore me for your new fucking boyfriends. See what I fucking care. I just wanted to say sorry."_

I nearly slam my head up against the wall. Instead I rub the bridge of my nose, holding my phone on my knee as to stop myself from breaking it.

I hear a small chuckle and a lighter. The smell of weak nicotine soon enters my nostrils and I hear him lean up to the wall next to me..

"What's chewin' ya up? Your ex?"

I just groan, rubbing my temples.

He offers a cigarette from his pack, and I don't think twice about it. He lights it for me.

"Well, that's dating for you, I guess. I never really dated anyone so I wouldn't really know."  
>"What?" Even I have dated someone, Reno. Who...what in what universe?<p>

"I mean, I've fucked around an undisclosed number of times," He grins scratching the back of his head, "But even then I've never called them back, or given them my number. Hell, half don't even know my name probably. I've never went steady with anyone. Just don't think it's worth all the trouble." He takes a long drag.

I giggle.

"What?"  
>"Steady." I laugh.<p>

"Yeah, I guess that is an old timey way to say it. Steady."  
>We laugh.<p>

"I wish it was that easy." I admit.  
>"The boys just won't leave you alone, huh?" He grins.<p>

I blush, snapping my head up, "Huh?"  
>"What? I'm sorry! Did I...offend?" He asks worried. I shake my head intensely, "No no no. It's just that...no one really ever guesses it right anymore, everyone thinks I'm straight. So when I do come out, girls get...guys get...difficult. Things get difficult."<p>

I look away, ashamed.

"Hey...It's alright, I get it. You know, for a while I did think you were straight. You know what gave it away?"  
>"What?" I look up.<p>

He smiles.  
>"You looked Tifa in the eyes the first time you met her."<p>

I laugh, "Is that not what everyone else does."

"Ha! You shoulda seen Dem the first time. He just couldn't stop looking up and down the first time they shook hands. She almost busted him in the stomach. I got bored after the first week when I met her years ago. Hayner's still...eh, he's weaning." He rotates his hand half half.  
>We laugh really hard.<p>

"Hey!" Leon opens the door, "Dem threw up."  
>"The night is OVER. Oh god, why?" We hear Dem shout from the inside.<p>

"How bad is it?" Reno turns quickly, scratching his cigarette out on the building.  
>Cloud peeks out, "It's '<em>we can't tell Tif<em>' bad."  
>"That bad?"<p>

Cloud nods, "It's the pool table."

"Which one, not..."

They nod, "Pool table 33."  
>Reno's jaw drops, "Her baby...dude. I'm not taking the rap for that."<br>"I know."

**-x-**

"What a mess. What party did I miss?" Hayner says, stepping over Dem's crumpled body to get a closer look at the table.

It was a puddle of muck. Some of whatever he ate earlier with all the liquor and beer. It had settled greatly since it left his body. The green carpet of the table now had this...muck in the middle.

Cloud plugged his nose as Leon looks over the scene.

Hayner sighs, "Party foul galore. On the pool table Dem? Really?"  
>"Look at the little splatters, you could see the volume he had in it. She's gonna find out and kill you Dem."<p>

_"Nooooo..."_ He curls up in a tighter ball.

"Yeah, you better leave the country." Reno smirks, nudging him.

_"Noooo..."_ Dem squirms.  
>"Fuck leaving the country, he's gonna need tickets to outer space." Cloud says, propping the back door open with a stopper.<p>

"We should probably start getting ready to go home. Look at Zack."

Zack sat up drunk in the darkest corner of the bar still, head hung low and Aerith slightly shaking his shoulder.

Leon laughs, "He's been like that since the beginning of the night."

"Yeah, I think I've had one too many myself, I stomped one of Tifa's necklaces out thinking it was a spider in the bathroom."

"What? How did you manage that?" I ask surprised.  
>"It was on the ground, I mean I'm drunk I can't be held responsible! Who leaves spider necklaces on the ground anyways?"<p>

"Why were you in her bathroom when there's one down here?" Hayner asks.  
>Reno shrugs, "Bar bathrooms suck. Chick bathrooms?" He nods approvingly.<p>

"I wanna drink a lil more." Dem interjects.

"No!" We all respond. Dem spins on the ground, "Why not?" He whines.

**-x-**

Outside, Aerith started warming up her car to take us home.

The fact that she hasn't had a single drop of alcohol being surrounded by all of us makes me think she's some sort of angel.

Seven guys and Aerith. It's a wonder how she remains so sweet while us guys cobble around and do stupid shit to each other for kicks.

"It's gonna be a tight fit-"  
>"-That's what she said." Zack breaks.<p>

"Dude, nice." Reno chuckles.

"Yup! I caught it. I...caught it." Zack settles, pointing to himself.

"...Babe."  
>"Sorry."<br>"...But it'll work. If you see cops please please please don't let them see you, kay?"

We all agree.

Aerith pushes her seat forward and allows Reno, Cloud and Leon to crawl in first.

"I'd like to see how we manage this." Hayner says sarcastically.

Dem crawls in, "I'll try not to get sick on you Cloud."

"Please don't."  
>"No guarantees."<p>

Cloud frowns and pushes him over onto Leon's lap.

"Hayner, get in."

**-x-**

One line down.

Two more to go.

"This is fucking magnificent...!" I sniff the mirror clean while Hiro watched in awe.

"You're a fucking monster."

I wipe my nose before dumping down another line.

"Want some?" I ask just to be polite, but I really don't care.

"No...where'd you get that again?"

"Friend."

I take another massive sniff. The drip from the first line begins going down the back of my throat, numbing everything along its path. Tastes so good to me...

"So good...I could eat it I could fucking eat this..." I whisper to myself, dumping another line down.

"Jesus Christ Axel, I thought you said you stopped this shit!" He makes a move.

I put my hand up, "Stop because I know what you're doing."  
>"Ax."<br>"Do it. See what the fuck happens."

He frowns, "Fucking pathetic, dude."

**-x-**

I sat on Reno's lap, as still as a rock. The beats on the radio silently played on the background as we drove through the city, back to the dormitories. Mostly everyone is passed out or at least tired. Reno tapped my legs lightly to the beat on the radio. I didn't mind it, it was relaxing to say the least. With each passing moment I felt more comfortable with him, and I was soon able to recline my back against his chest fully. I feel his breath rise and fall under me and begin dozing off with his chin rested on my shoulder.

I stared out the window, gazing at the large buildings and street lights. Light after light after light...

"Oh! I should probably do this now..."

He reaches under my butt and I pop up, embarrassed and awake now.

"Sorry," Reno chuckles before pulling out a gun.

A gun.

A fucking gun.

Dude, I almost knocked out on top of your gun technically. That is not relaxing. In the slightest.

"Is that a fucking gun dude?" Hayner stares it down in awe.

"Yeah."  
>"Is it- is it loaded? Can I hold it?" Hayner get's super excited.<p>

"_Coooool..."_ Dem gets a good look.

He passes the gun to the front where Aerith grabs it and puts it under her seat without question.

"I don't know, that's why I took it out. And, no, you can't."

"Aw..."

"How did you forget that you had a gun in your pants before letting me sit down on you? One of us could've lost a nut."  
>"I'm sorry! It's like, my second skin I don't really notice it." He laughs nervously.<p>

"Until it's too late?"  
>He laughs, "Or close to it."<p>

**-x-**

Me and Reno sat outside on the trunk, waiting for Dem to fully spill his insides out before we part ways.

Only a few seconds would pass before we heard the disgusting splatter hit the curb a few feet away. It reminds me of my first time and I shutter.

We parked a few blocks away from the dorm since security makes it's rounds 24/7.

"That's what you get when you invest in a two door death trap. Air probably would've let him sit in the front if he told us how bad his car sickness was..."

"Why? Why why why?" He told us to get away from him because it was pretty gnarly, but we only wanted to help. In the end he let Aerith go over to hand him some water.

"Still, he held out until the end. Kinda."

"Yeah, I was about to say he was done in after the pool table incident."

"Yeah, yeah...Think he'll be alright?"  
>"Yeah, he's just gotta let it all go and sleep it off. Probably eat something. He'll be fine. Tonight was a lot of fun. I haven't drank this much since I first moved here about a year ago."<p>

I smile, "Yeah?"  
>"Of course!" He punches my arm cutely. I can't help but blush now.<p>

"That's good, for a second...I thought I was sounding like a drunken idiot."

He shakes his head.

"Not at all, you're more charming than you think. And I'm not just saying that because you're Leon's cousin."

I look to him surprised.

He smiles.

I look down, wondering how red I must be at the moment.

"I'm glad you came, I thought you weren't gonna show up for a second there." He starts laughing, and laughing, and laughing.

I catch myself staring at his perfection. His laughter is sexy...he turns me on.

What would be the consequences if I jumped? If I just...

He catches himself and suddenly stops.

He blushes, "Sorry. Like the average middle aged woman at her high school reunion says, 'I've had one too many.'"  
>I laugh, "It's okay."<p>

He looks down at his shoes, removing his goggles for the second time ever. He rubs his forehead, "Son of a bitch...feels good to breathe."

"Look, we're heading out of town after tomorrow for about a week or two, but we should hang out when I come back." He says.

"Where you headed?"  
>"Midgar."<br>"I'm okay! We can go now!" Demyx waves.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later."  
>I nod, "Yeah."<p>

Instead of saying bye, we stare at each other.

Like, there way more to say...

He smiles...

I smile.

"HEY! Are we leaving or what!? I wanna go before he starts up again!" Hayner yells.

"See ya, cupcake." He blushes.

"Yeah, bye Reno."

We walk past each other to our counterparts.

We wave goodbye to each other before Leon pushes his head into the car like a pissed cop.

"Later Sora!" Leon says.

"Bye!"


	19. Chapter 19

Author's note: Hey, I don't mean to be _that guy,_ but if you really find this fic boring and don't have a nice review or a productive contribution, then you should probably find another fanfic to read or write one yourself! I wrote the description for this fic the way it is (e.i a drugs violence sex fic), because that's the way it's going to be throughout this whole fic. I don't push for much reviews, because I enjoy re-writing my old fic into something I desired. That's not to say I don't want reviews, because I do! But I'm going to write this the way I envisioned it, and I'm going to progress the story the way I imagined it, so if you find it boring/stupid/annoying, by all means move on! There are plenty of great exciting authors and fanfics on this site and I'm certainly not trying to be the best of the best! Thanks for all of the support I've received so far, especially from those who read the original and decided to support me through this rendition (YOU KNOW WHO YOU BE)!

* * *

><p>After sniffing up all I could before I went into cardiac arrest, I sat down and played some games.<p>

Hiro left, butt hurt or somethin'...I don't know. His loss.

My phone begins ringing and I stumble to pick it up, pounding away mercilessly at my controller.

"Yeah?" I ask annoyed, holding the phone between my shoulder and face.

"Hey, 'member me?"

I fall silent.

"How'd you get my number?"

"You think I'm that stupid do you?"

_FUUUUUUUCK._

"So, I noticed that my coke is sub-par to what you sold me at the club. Am I right or am I just tripping?"

"..._You're just tripping..." _I stretch.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about." I reiterate.

I hear her laugh, "Oh my god! You do think I'm some sort of retard!"

My paranoia shoots sky high. What the fuck was I thinking?

God. What the fuck was I thinking?

"So, come on Easel."

"It's _Axel."  
><em>"Right. You're a sneaky s.o.b you know that? I want some form of retribution..."  
>I sigh in defeat, "What do ya want?"<br>"I want my coke back."

_Shiiiiiiiiit._

"Well, you can have _some_ of your coke back."  
>"Why some?"<p>

I snort, "I didn't steal the shit for nothin'."  
>She sighs, "That won't due...I need the cash then."<p>

_A stripper asking me for cash...?  
><em>

"Well, that's not gonna happen either. Sai's the one who controls the cash until we meet up with the supplier..."

I start getting sidetracked by the game again.

"Marluxia? Well, there's no point calling you. Since you have nothing to offer I guess I'll just have to tell Mar that Sai's buddy fucked me over before I could enjoy his gift. I'm sure he'll be able to do something for me-"

"-Don't do that!" I drop the controller now.

"Oh, I pushed the big red button?_ Good._"  
>"What do you want? Look, I've got like, at least a third of what I took from you left, can we work something out without you spilling the beans to Sai and whatever the fuck his name is?"<p>

_FUCK!_

"Mmmm...let me think about it." Click.

"FUCK!"

**-x-**

One hour passed.

And then another.

I keep a look out for texts or calls from Sai, hoping she didn't decide to screw me over instead. The things Sai would do if he found out I slipped like this...

_And she's a special customer too...aw Ax why'd you have to go and be so retarded? _

The high has waned off a while ago, leaving me in this miserable rut.

She calls and I answer immediately.

"Yeah? What's up?"  
>"I like you, so let's go out."<p>

_Nooooo..._

I choke, "I-I'm sorry, what?"  
>"We're going out. Dating. You're mine now."<p>

"The hell we are!" I stand up and walk around, "Look, I know I fucked you over bad. But I'm not about to become someone's bitch."

She chuckles, "I don't think you have a choice."

I sigh.

Sai's gonna have my head, I don't even want to know what's gonna happen if his boss gets to me first.

"Fine."  
>"Just kidding. I don't want you, just your dick. So when I call you, you better be ready to come treat me."<p>

I choke again, "I-what?"  
>"Sheesh! Do I have to spell it out for you? You're kind of my bitch now, but that's just it. If I wanted a boyfriend I could get one, a rich one at that. Until you can come up with some good coke or satisfy me until I'm bored with you, you're gonna be my bitch."<p>

I gritted my teeth, "Fine."  
>"Awesome! That worked out better than I thought, am I right? Huh? Huh? Alright, see you later, stupid." Click.<p>

Face palm.

**-x-**

A week goes by and things seem semi-normal again. Sai hasn't brought up anything that happened between me and that one chick yet, but anything's bound to happen. For all I know she could've already told Sai's supplier.

I start rubbing my head.

"Need a break?" He asks, looking over to me.

I lean up against the cool window of his car, watching the rain drops run down the glass one by one.

"My head hurts...No, I'm fine."

I won't be pulling that stupid shit again, that's for sure.

I flip open my phone, over looking the endless pictures of girls I met that wanted my name, my number...

I scroll to the very bottom, where Sora still resides.

His eyes still pierce me all the same, and I hate it. I hate it with every inch of my being.

I hate him...

"You still have that photo of him?"

I closed my phone, "No!"  
>He shakes his head, "I can't believe you."<p>

"What?"

He shakes his head again.

"_What?"_

"Nothing."

"You think I'm weird, don't you?"  
>"No."<p>

I cross my arms.

"Don't you think it's a bit strange keeping a photo of an ex who broke up with you over the summer?"  
>"It's just eye candy."<br>"That's not what it looks like to me. You don't stare at a chick's face and call it eye candy."

"Shouldn't you be driving instead of looking at my pics?"

My phone buzzes.

"Yeah?"  
>"Hey, ready to come over?"<br>"What? I'm working now, can this wait?"

"Mmm..._no_. Be at the club in an hour, or else."  
>"That grimy place? You've got to be fucking me..."<br>"I will. In my grimy little clubhouse."  
><em>"You..."<em> I contain my anger.

"...Yeah, I'll be there."  
>"Love you."<br>"Don't ever say that again. Please."  
>She giggles, "Bye."<p>

I hang up and bang my head against the back of my seat, "Fuck my life. Sai, I need you to take me to that shitty strip joint after we're done with this."  
>"Why?"<p>

"I'm going to go see what's her face."  
>"Serenity?"<br>I hang my head low, "Yeah."

He shrugs, "Alright."  
>"I need a ride back too."<br>"What the fuck do you think I am a bus?"  
>I grab his arm as he shifts gears, "Please? I promise I won't ask you for anymore favors."<br>He rolls his eye, "Where did I hear that before?"  
>"Please? Please? Pleeeee-"<br>"-Yes."

**-x-**

We pulled up in front of the club, where we saw her standing by the entrance. She looked completely different, I could've mistaken her for Sora with her black shorts and baggy black jacket.

She smiles, waving at Sai before putting out her cigarette and going inside.

"Why are you seeing her again?"  
>I sat still, dead inside, "Because I like her."<p>

Silence.

"Okay. When do you want me to pick you up?"

_Shows how much you care..._

"I don't know man, I'll call you before it gets too late...See ya..." I take a second, looking at Sai before dragging myself out of the car.

"Hey." He calls out.

"Yeah?"  
>"Try not to piss her off, or we'll both be screwed and out of work."<p>

I slowly blink, "I know Sai, I know."  
>"Bye."<p>

He makes a u-turn and drives off.

I let my hair get soaked as I slowly drag myself to the door. A douche with a crappy mullet and some sort of ear piece stops me at the door, "I.D please."  
>I breathe, "I don't have my I.D."<p>

"No I.D, no party." He blocks the door.

"Look, douche, I don't have my fucking I.D because I don't carry it around when I'm dealin' but some fucking stripper by the name of Serenity wants me to fuck her brains out, so here I am. I'm trying not to piss off the guy who supplies these whores, so why don't you be a champ and step aside?"

He chuckles, "Wish I had girl problems."  
>"You fat bastard-"<br>"-Hey, what's taking you so long?" Serenity pushes the guy aside with her small frame.

"He's-"  
>"-It's fine, he's with me. Sorry I forgot to tell you."<p>

He softens up and steps aside further, "Sorry about that."

"Yeah, me too pal."

**-x-**

"Sorry about that, Mike can be an asshole sometimes. I told him you were coming by earlier but he must've not been listening or something..." She dries her hair out with a towel.

I sat down on the couch in the dressing room I assume is hers. Costumes were everywhere. Condoms, makeup and booze littered the large mirror off to the left where she was sitting. The ashtray was filled to the brim with ashes and smoked down buds.

I look over in her direction, admiring her boyish charm for the first time. She reminds me more and more of Sora with each passing second...

I hate it, but I probably wouldn't be doing this if she looked any different.

She takes off her jacket, revealing her large t-shirt.

"Did you work today...?"

She comes over and sits on the couch next to me, bringing along her beer and pipe.  
>"You smoke?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"Figured." She takes a long drag and I'm hit with nostalgia.<p>

_Sora..._

Maybe a long lost sister?

She passes the pipe and I hit it.

"No, just practice."  
>"Practice?"<br>"Stripping isn't my only occupation. I play basketball, baseball, soccer. All that junk. I like sports more than this shit." She grins, drinking her beer.

"But I come here to relax."  
>"You come <em>here <em>to relax?"  
>"Yeah, it ain't that bad. I like it when I have the room all to myself.<p>

I find myself staring at her. She's not wearing any makeup, that's the upside.

The downside is, I keep looking at her as though she's Sora.

My Sora.

The one I lost...

And I'm smack down back to reality when I realize she's not him.

"So, how are you today?"  
>I roll my eyes, "Spare me."<br>"It's a serious question! I'm not as mean as I sound."

I glance over.

"Seriously. I was just sour because, I mean, come on, you switched my coke out. I think this is fair, compared to what could've happened if I told Mar."  
>"Yeah, about that, what am I doing again?"<p>

"You're fucking me."

_God...she was serious._

**-x-**

_Ow, my head._

I haven't been able to shake my nasty hangover since this morning. Hayner hasn't gotten the brunt of it, seeing as though he was barely around to drink yesterday night.

I roll around on my bed, texting friends and reading over my assignments that are due next week.

Fall term is almost over. Roxas keeps telling me that there's a good chance he could graduate before the year is over. My grades so far are decent, I just hope I can keep it up until the term is over.

I need a break from school work, and _computers._

If there's one thing I'm glad I didn't have to deal with as much back at Destiny, it's these stupid fucking computers with all those weird little buttons and sounds...

Such a headache. I don't know how guys manage to rub one off using those things...

And it doesn't help that most of my classes require my papers typed out. Some of my teachers are lenient since my hand writing kind of kicks ass, but others are straight up assholes.

Last night. I completely blanked out on the fact that Axel had tried to contact me...

I just remember shouting over the phone and hanging up.

I feel sort of bad. I...I hate to say it, but I miss him. He helped me out so much...and I flipped out over a kiss.

I mean...was it just a kiss? Was it the shrooms?

No...he flipped out when Hiro brought over Larxene that one time...he must still have feelings for her...

Still. Why try to talk to me if he didn't care...?

"Hey Sora, Halloween party. You in?"

"What?"

Hayner turns away from his work, throwing his pen in the air, "Olette, happens to know the girl who lives in the old mansion just outside of town. She likes to throw this huge party every Halloween and we can go."

"Mansion?"  
>"Yeah. Not that I plan on really going with Olette..." He starts working again.<p>

"Why? I thought you two were an actual couple. You were with her all night long."  
>He shakes his head, "<em>No no no.<em> See, she _wants _to be my girlfriend. But _I'm_ not looking for one."  
>"Then why do you ignore everyone when she comes around?"<p>

It's not a far out statement. At the bar, Hayner really was never to be found. Always out front or out back talking to Olette.

"It's not bad or anything, it's just a weird statement to make." I say.

"She's...clingy. I don't know, you know how girls are."  
>"..."<p>

"Oh, wait. Yeah, sorry, I forgot. Well, she just gets weird and makes all these passive aggressive comments if I try to part ways with her. When Reno invited us to the bar, I had no choice but to encourage her to come because she was giving me that_ 'Ugh! You're going to a bar to drink without me ugh!'_ look. And, you know, also jumping to the opportunity to ask Reno right in front of me if she could go helps..."

"Holy shit, so she's...?"  
>He nods, "...She's a crazy. What are the odds too? First live action since I've been here and she turns out to be crazy."<br>"Well, at least she isn't psycho..." I start laughing.

"Haha. Yeah, lucky me..."

Someone knocks on the door.

"You get it." He says. I put down my book and open the door, expecting Dem, or Pence.

_Holy shit!_

I try not to act startled, but speak of the devil...

"Hey, is Hayner there?" She asks. She's all dressed up, looking ready for a date...

"Uh..." I look back at Hayner who's knee deep in sketches and charcoal, wearing nothing but a pair of sweats with a ripped waist band and the smell of stale college student sweat mixed with weed.

He hasn't moved in hours...

"...Yeah, hold on." I close the door and walk over to Hayner.  
>"Hey, Olette's outside the door."<p>

He takes a second, blinks, "W-What?"

"Yeah dude, she's like, all dressed up and she's asking for you." I whisper.

His eyes widen, "_Shit...!"_

"Why is she here?"  
>"I just fucking hung out with her all night last night...! I don't know...I think I told her I'd go to this thing just so she'd stop asking me about it."<br>"What thing?"

He runs his charcoal coated fingers through his hair, sighing, thinking. He pushes his work aside and puts his head down, "I think I agreed to go out with her and her family or something..."  
>"Really?"<p>

He nods, "Yeah."  
>"Well, what are you gonna do?"<p>

He smells his under arms before looking at me, "Should I just tell her to screw off?"  
>I shrug, "I dunno."<br>"You're right, you're right. I'm already in too deep...Alright, you should go tell her I'll be out soon."  
>"What are you gonna do?"<br>"I'm gonna run a wet towel over my body, get dressed, spray myself down with cologne and hope for the best."

"O-Okay."  
>"Can I borrow some of your clothes."<br>"I don't know, what do you wanna borrow?"  
>"Just something that looks decent in front of old people, you know. If I go in my normal gear they're gonna think I'm some terrorist."<br>I shrug, "I guess. But you should stop buying clothes that make you look like you're about to shoot up the school."

"Thanks. And, I'll think about it."

I open the door, "He'll be out in a second. He's just...getting ready." I didn't know what else to say.

She nods, "Alright. As long as he's ready to meet my father."  
>"He's meeting your dad?"<br>She nods excitedly, "Yeah! I told my family all about him. Me and Hayner are really close."

"Oh, yeah. He talks about you all the time."

All aboard! The bullshit train.

"Really? What does he say?"  
>"Oh, you know...Just stuff about how much he likes you and all."<br>Ah, shit. Sorry Hayner.

She blushes, giggling, "I didn't know he liked me _that _much! What's your name again?"

"Sora. Let me go check on him for you."

I refuse to converse with her any longer.

I close the door and walk into the closet, where he's scrubbing his underarms ferociously with a wet hand towel.

"Don't get mad."  
>"What? What did you tell her?"<br>"Nothing! Just...that...you like her a lot and you always talk about her..." I push my fingers together, glancing around the room nervously.  
>"You <em>what? <em>Don't mislead her, you're making things harder dude!_"_

"Well she was telling me about how you were gonna go meet her dad and shit and so I got really nervous for you and-"  
>"-She wants me to meet her <em>dad<em>?! I never said I would do _that. _No way, uh-uh. I'm calling this _off._"

**-x-**

As I heard Hayner and Olette bickering outside of the door, I decide to get dressed and head out for a walk. This stuffy air isn't doing much for my headache. The sun is setting behind the heavy clouds tonight, giving a slight glimmer of sunlight before hiding behind the clouds.

I start getting the weird craving for cigarettes every now and then ever since I smoked one with Reno last night, but I know it's bad. I'm already growing a semi-bad pot smoking habit after I remembered the bag of weed Roxas snuck over for me, and my lungs are barely working their way around that...

But, a cigarette sounds great...

I wonder if I have an addictive personality...

...Nah, things get way too boring for me to fall into habits..

I look up at the clock tower, wondering when I'll get the chance to see that killer view Hayner's always talking about.

I stop by a corner store and pay for a soda while looking at the cigarettes.

"Anything else?" The clerk asks.

"Actually...yeah." I pull out my I.D and point out a pack of smokes.

After paying for everything, I throw the soda in my bag and look at the pack. First cigarette purchase, yet I don't really know the difference between one type and another.

Hope I chose right...

I walk through the abandoned schools parking lot toward the big tree that sits in the field as it starts raining. I light my cigarette and take a few drags as I approached the tree.

Getting closer, I notice a guy sitting up high on a branch. Reno, it's him.

I thought he was gone to Midgar by now...

I see his long red ponytail hang down his back. He's sitting pretty high up, I only noticed his hair from a far.

"Hey." I call up.

He looks down, smiling once he realizes it's me.

"Yo."

**-x-**

"What? Do you need a strip tease or something? You're as soft as a slug."  
>I shrug, looking away, "Wouldn't want to make you work."<br>I smoke on my cigarette as she straddled my waist.

"Well, what's your problem?"  
>I shrug again, drinking the complimentary booze she gave me.<p>

The drunker, the better.

She sighs, "Don't tell me you're one of those guys who can't get hard without a line..."  
>"What if I am?"<br>"I've got Viagra instead."

I laugh, "No thanks. I'd rather not have a heart attack. Why are you so desperate to get fucked anyways? Isn't that the last thing you want to do since you grind on random old guys laps for a living? Let's go to the zoo or somethin'."

"First off, there is no zoo here. Second, it's not that easy. I don't fuck guys unless they're attractive. Everyone gets a dance, because I need the money. But, I want to feel like I'm getting _some _sort of love out it. I milk every opportunity I get, so that when I'm high and on the floor I don't make stupid desperate decisions and..." She frowns, looking seriously distressed.

"Why don't you find guys at a normal place? Like school?"  
>She looks away, "I'm greedy. This is where I belong. You wouldn't understand, you're a guy. You're on the other side of the line. I envy you guys, the control you harness..."<p>

_...Sorry I asked. This is weird..._

She looks me in the eyes and I look down.

She grabs a baggie of coke from the table and dumps a hill on her finger before pushing my head back.

"Sniff it." She demands, nearly shoving her finger up my nose.

I didn't anticipate it, but I do as she says and snort it.

Before long, she's slinging a condom on my hard dick.

"Fuck me." She yanks my hair back, sliding down slowly.

I smirk, "What's the hold up? It hurts?"

She pants, "Don't...don't flatter yourself Easel."

"It's _Axel."_

She screams as I take control again, pulling her small hips down as I thrust.

I look up from her tits, just to see her face.

And I see Sora.

**-x-**

He jumps down from a good height, almost falling on his butt.

He stands up straight, and I notice his different attire.

Unbuttoned dress suit.

"You look nice." I say with a smile.

"In this old thing? Thanks."

**-x-**

We sat under the tree as the rain fell heavy and darkness covered the streets. We could only make out

headlights and street lights from afar. The only dry ground layed beneath this tree.

He stared at me puffing away at my cigarette, before taking my pack and switching it with his.

"What are you doing?"  
>"I can tell you don't like those. They're probably too strong for you. You should probably start off with ultra lights."<p>

He takes the cigarette from my mouth, giving me his new one and puffing my old one.

I notice the light taste and remember it from last night. "Thanks."  
>"No problem."<p>

It was unusual, being able to sit in silence with him. He's usually a motor mouth.

I wonder what's changed since yesterday night.

"I thought you were going to Midgar."  
>"In a few hours I am. Just thought I'd come to the park before then."<p>

"Anything on your mind?" I ask.

He looks down, fiddling with the pack he switched me for.

"No." He says.

I nod, looking out into the rain again.

"Yeah, actually." He chuckles a bit, before shaking his head.

"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."  
>I'm patient, letting the rain do all the talking.<p>

I take my soda out of my bag and drink a bit before offering him some.

He takes a small sip before handing it back.

"I was working for Shinra, when my friend died."

_Shinra...?_

"The electric company?"

He chuckles, "Yeah, something like that. We had to do an auto rotation landing because the motors gave out or some shit. I never got to figure it all out... It was good until the end, we smacked the side of the compound and it went up in flames. I blacked out running from the explosion and the next thing I know, I'm back at HQ. They told me Rude was no where to be found. That he either got captured by the terrorists or he died by the explosion. And even if he did get captured, he probably got murdered by them or took his suicide pill. Yet, every fucking time they need help they pull my fucking strings. Give me a glimmer of hope that I could find him if I do this, or that...But they won't let me look into his case at all. Every Turk that get's captured...taken prisoner, lost. You can't look for them, because it's a conflict of interest..." He grunts.

….What's a Turk?

I should know these things.

"Auto rotation...?"  
>"It's complicated. We were trying to get a view of some compound a year back and it all went to shit when we were about to fly out. Rude and Chelsea never made it out to my knowledge. And that fat bastard forbid me to look into the case. 'Carry on as planned without them.' He said. So I did...what a fucking mistake."<p>

Reno buries his head in his lap.

It was only now that I was getting a good look at his past. Or, at least a sliver of it.

"Reno..."  
>"I'm sorry. I don't even belong here...I'm just a spineless bitch, taking orders from everyone in command...I wish Rude made it out instead of me...Him and Chelsea deserve this freedom more than I do. It was all my fault we had to do a crash landing...I was flying the shit...I could've found them...if I went back I could've...I could've..."<p>

I hear him sobbing, and I put an arm around him, rubbing his arm lightly.

As confused as I am, I don't push for answers. I'm just...worried for him.

**-x-**

She finishes, cumming all over me, shaking and holding me tight. I kept my hands to the sides of the couch, wishing for it to be over already. I didn't cum.  
>I couldn't.<p>

I'm surprised my dick held out this long.

I carefully peel the condom off as she goes behind some dressing screen. I pull on my pants and take out my phone, ready to call Sai.

"So...what, are we good now or...?"

"...I don't know, you didn't deliver as good as I wanted you to...so maybe after next time we call it good?"

"That's funny, that's not what it sounded like to me..."  
>"Well, your hearing is off then."<p>

"Come on you're not serious are you?"  
>She yawns, "But I aaaam. I'll see you soon."<p>

I sigh, "Fine."

I walk towards the door.

"Love y-"  
>"-Bye." I slam the door shut before I could hear her say anymore.<p>

My stomach began churning as I found the exit to the alley. I call Sai as I lean up against the wall and throw up.

"Hello?"  
>He sounded happier than usual.<br>"What the fuck are you on? The ice? You sound strangely happy." I spit on the ground, walking away from the puddle I made.

"Just sold the last of the supply. We're leaving to Twilight Town on Halloween. From there, we go anywhere."  
>"That's awesome...where are you right now?"<br>"Outside. Ready?"

I look across the street and see his crap ride. He waves.

**-x-**

He seemed so relaxed at first...who knew Reno could be this high strung.  
>I mean, he's shaking under my arm.<p>

"You wanna know why I've never had a fucking girlfriend in my life? Because I can't. I can't get close to anyone unless I somehow work with them, and even then, if they die I'm screwed out of an explanation. It drives me fucking crazy. It's been a year...how much longer...?"

He breathes for a few seconds before sitting up straight, his eyes widened.

"I-I'm sorry. I said too much. Look at me...losing my cool over here..." He softens, regaining his posture in an almost surreal way. He smiles and it doesn't feel right.

"I'm sorry."  
>"It's okay, everyone needs to vent once in a while."<p>

He smiles, leaning back against the tree.

"You're a nice kid, Sora."  
>"I'm not a kid...!"<br>"Compared to an old man like me you are."  
>"You're not that old."<br>"At 25 I've got no more milestones coming my way, don't give me that shit."

I smile.

He smiles.

Reno grabs me by my collar, looking me deep in the eyes.

Taken by surprise, I'm scared. There's still such a thing as crazy people. H

His eyes narrow, he smirks.

"Re-"  
>He kisses me deeply, pushing me up against the only thing holding us up. I try to hold myself up, I end up on my back anyways though.<p>

I didn't expect him to be this interested in me...

When in Rome...

I hold onto his black suit jacket, letting his tongue dance with mine. His lips are soft as we lightly touched. His nibbles on my bottom lip, making my gasp slightly.

I feel him smile into the kiss, pushing back even more as he straddles my waist, his hands to each side of my head.

I feel my lungs beginning to burst as I grew more excited and anxious.

The burning I've gotten so used to returns. My lips are on fire but...

I won't stop until he does.

**-x-**

"You smell...interesting."  
>"Fuck off. Take me home." I cross my arms, leaning up against the door.<br>"I'll tell you the details after you pull the stick out of your ass. I see you're not ready to talk business."  
>"Thanks for your keen observation Saix."<p>

We drove over the bridge, getting stuck in traffic for twenty minutes before making it off.

"Don't you care?"  
>"Huh?"<p>

"I just fucked that client of yours and you're not even asking me about it."  
>Sai glances over, "What? What do I care? As long as you don't do anything to screw over our reputation."<br>"Well, I sort of did."

"_What?"  
><em>"Look out!"

He steps on the break, skidding along the wet pavement.

I look out the back windshield.  
>"What the hell is your problem!?" He's pissed now.<p>

I get out of the car and notice a shaking lump off to the side of the road. I look back at Sai.

"What is it?" He asks.

I shrug.

I walk carefully towards the lump, hoping it's not hurt, whatever _it _is."

He growls and shakes, and it's then that I realize that it was a puppy. Without thinking, I wrap him in my jacket and he begins to whimper. He looks up with fear, but I only pet his wet hair.

I get back in the car, "Lets go."  
>"So, you brought back a dog? You're full of surprises today aren't you?"<br>"You almost hit him with your car, dick."  
>"That's because you were telling me about our screwed rep. What the fuck did you do?"<br>I sigh, "That night we brought those bitches over to your place...well, I switched out my bag for hers before I left-"

I feel him pop me one.

"Fucker!" I hold my cheek.

"You better fix it." He grits his teeth, gripping the steering wheel.

I notice the puppy getting scared, and I reserve myself, "I am. Why do you think I'm fucking her all the sudden? For the kicks?"  
>"I thought it was because she looked like Sora, not because you're a little slimy fucking bastard you piece of shit."<p>

"Yeah. Well. I'm on it."  
>"If she tells Mar, we lose everything. Don't fuck me on this again Ax. Or else."<p>

He pulls up to my house.  
>"Or else what? You'll 'eliminate' me?"<p>

It wasn't a serious question, but he doesn't answer, instead staring out the windshield.  
>"Look Sai, I'm sorry alright. I'll fix it, I promise."<br>"Better."

He peels off, pissed.

**-x-**

Me and Reno must've been laying here forever.

He kisses me passionately, only taking a few seconds in between kisses to breathe. He looks me in the eyes ever so often, just to stare before kissing me again.

He grabs my hand and our fingers intertwine. I didn't want to hold back, but something told me to.

One last time, he kisses me before we part lips.

He stares me down before sitting back up on his heels, smiling, "See you 'round, coconut."

He stands up, dusting his hands free of dirt before taking off into the heavy rain.  
>I stand up, brushing the dirt off the back of my head and clothes.<p>

Before I know it, he's no where to be seen.

"Bye Reno..."

I pick up my backpack and cigarettes, noticing that he left his wallet behind.


	20. Chapter 20

Hiro looks over the couch as I entered the house. Empty bags of chips littered the area around the couch and dishes covered the table.

"Oh..." He settles back down, watching the t.v.

I put the puppy down, walking into the laundry room to grab a towel.

"Oh my god! Where'd you come from!" I hear Hiro squeal in the living room.

He's a sucker for puppies.

I grab a towel and go back out to the living room.

"Where'd you find him?"

"Sai almost hit him with his car. I picked him up." I kneel down, drying his dark brown fur.

"He's so cute!" Hiro ruffles his ears.

"Good, then you can watch him for a while. Give 'em a name while you're at it."  
>"Really! YAY!"<p>

**-x-**

I smoke one more cigarette before going inside and sit at the desk next to Hayner. He seems like he's back to working on his project.

"What's up?"

"Nothing. You got Olette off your back?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

Hayner sniff around me, "What smells like cigarettes?"  
>"Me."<br>"Bad habit."  
>"I know."<br>"Where've you been?"

I smile, "Around."  
>I hold the black leather wallet in between my hands, afraid to open it.<p>

"What do you mean around? What's that?"  
>"Reno's wallet."<br>"What? You were with him? Wait why do you have his wallet?"

I smile, and nod.

"Ohhhhh, what'd you guys do?"  
>"We made out."<br>His jaw drops, "Really? So Dem was right...Did you guys really?"  
>"He's the one who kissed me first."<p>

"Damn...looks like you're getting some already. I didn't know Reno was a chicken hawk."

I frown, "Don't say that..."  
>"He's like, seven years your senior. You're still technically a teenager. He's a chicken hawk."<p>

"Well...He told me all this stuff about how he's a Turk. All I did was listen to him and he jumped me." I fiddle with the wallet in between my fingers, caressing the smooth leather. I see Hayner sit up straight and take a double look from the corner of my eye.

"Wait...say that again?"  
>"All I did was listen and he jumped me?"<br>"No! The other thing. What is he?"  
>"...A Turk...?"<p>

Hayner blinks a few times before pounding his fist on the desk, "_I knew it._"  
>"What? What is it?"<p>

"You know what a Turk is, Sora? Turks awork for the government they _insist_ on calling the Shinra Electric Company. It's the...fuck, what is it?" Hayner looks through his papers scattered around the desk.

"I'm studying this in my one of my classes...dude..."

He finds a binder and flips a few pages, "Here. Investigation Sector of the General Affairs Department, also known as Department of Administrative Research, also known as Turks. They act as the central intelligence department of the Shinra government, also known as one of the most secretive, prominent and powerful governments in the world. Members engage in recon, espionage, and black ops. Secrecy is top priority, with members often never leaving the company unless dead..."

We look at each other.

"What?!" I flip through his wallet now as Hayner watched.

Not one piece of I.D.

No cash.  
>Not even a fucking credit card.<p>

Nothing with his name on it. Just some weird metal emblem with numbers on the back and cards with restaurant take outs.

Tons of fucking take out...

Oh Reno...you weren't lying when you said you didn't know how to cook.

"Dude, we were talking about this in class the other day...Dude this is so weird. What is a fucking Turk doing here? Dude dude dude..." He grabs his hair in a state of excited confusion. He's more excited than I am.

"What? What do you mean?"  
>"Think about it...I knew something was off with him. He was always changing his occupation, couldn't keep his stories straight...Man, you know the first time I met Reno, I saw him kick a guy square in the fucking head? I mean, he didn't even use his fists, he took down a guy with his LEGS. You don't get those moves from fighting in the streets and even Dem could tell you that...My mind!" Hayner gripped his hair tighter.<p>

He shakes his head, "I think he's here for something more. This place is and Destiny Island are the last two places on the planet that isn't affected or ruled by Shinra and those fucking huge generators...and if you've ever seen the guy who runs that shit you'd see how hungry he is for power. All of them...They were all part of the military, then come to find out Reno's a Turk..."

Hayner swallows as I see the gears slowing to a stop in his mind, "We shouldn't tell anyone."  
>"You think?"<br>"What if he get's in trouble because we know? I mean, what if we blow his cover by talking? I don't want a bunch of government officials bugging our dorm out either. What if...what if _we_ get killed?! The conspiracies! _They were true..._"

I'm not going to lay into this anymore for Hayner's own good, but I doubt he realizes that.

"I guess. Let's not tell anyone...not even Dem."

Dem's great, but we doubt his mouth shutting abilities.

"Good." We shake hands, commemorating the promise.

**-x-**

Days pass as I grow restless. Most of my days are spent under the influence, selling coke and fucking a stripper I like to call Sora. Her threats of blackmail grew weaker and weaker day by day and now is only considered a joke if anything. As Sai calls it out plain and clear, I give her sex, she gives me _really_ good coke. Wash, rinse, and repeat until one of us gets bored of one another.

I preferred not to watch her dance. I lay on the couch in the backroom, chatting up her co-workers and drinking just enough to not give a second thought to where I was.

What I was doing with my life since I got out of jail.

"So, I heard you were...gifted. What's it gonna take for a guy like you to give me a treat?"  
>It was the vamp with the fat pussy again. Her hair was styled in a bun, red sticks poking out. She wore some warped version of a kimono and enough makeup to suffocate her pores for days. I guess she's going exotic today.<p>

_Not this again._

"You don't have what it takes. You're nothing like Sora."

"Who the fuck is Sora? Is that why you fuck her so much, she looks like some chick you used to nail named _Sora?_ Ha! What is it with guys these days..."

I get annoyed, changing the subject, "Where's your friend anyways? Shouldn't you be dancing since you're 'better' than every other bitch here? If you're so good, then why do you still work at a fucking dead end dump like this?"

"Fuck you... She's finishing her set still, don't you hear the music?" She grumbles before walking into the restroom.

"Ah, yeah, those shitty rock songs my parents used to fuck to. Nice." I say to myself.

Friday's here are the worst.

Belligerent fucks hassle girls all night until they do what they want. The bodyguards are getting in a scuffle every ten minutes because someone's trying to rape a girl. Girls get into crazy bitch fights over dropped cash...the list goes on.

And I sit in the back, waiting for her like I would for Sora.

I...find myself doing things for her I wish I could do for Sora.

And the worse part is, I don't know why I'm doing it.

Shit, I couldn't tell you why I keep coming back after I got off the hook.

Why I choose to still talk to her when we're clearly done.

Why I do anything with her at this point is a mystery to me.

I just care that she's resembles Sora.

Also, pretty good cocaine. Sai's been cutting me off since I came clean with the incident. He's still pissed and nervous about me coming over here, but I assured him I wouldn't lose control like that again.

I decide to stand up and get a look of her dancing. I crack the red door open and peek through. People walked past in the dark, the only light shining on the stage, Serenity slides down the pole and lays back, supporting herself with only her legs as guys shout and throw bills on the stage. A man holds up a hefty stack and she spots it, crawling over and giving him all the attention he paid for. He slips it in her pink thong, sliding a finger down the crack of her ass.

She looks over her shoulder, irritated, yet she goes on.

I close the door again, not ready to see anymore.

I feel sick.

**-x-**

I fidget around in my seat, waiting for my final class to be over so I could head to the mall and pick out a costume for myself. Classes get more boring by the day, and as we only have about a few weeks left this term my motivation is running on low.

"Alright class, don't forget to turn in your projects, due next week no later than 10 pm. Have a good day you guys."

_Finally..._

As the class is dismissed, the girl in front of me drops her wallet. I see some kids eyeing her wallet, intending to probably pocket it after she leaves.

I grab it instead and ignore the disgruntled sounds as I left the room. I look down the hallways, trying to spot her lavender hair.

I see just a glimpse of her disappearing down the stairs and I follow.

"Hey." I try to call out, but I forget her name.

I reach out and tap her shoulder at the bottom of the steps.

She turns around, not necessarily looking me in the eyes at first. She doesn't say anything.

"I uh...you dropped your wallet in class." I hand it over and she grabs it.

"Thank you."  
>"No problem."<br>She looks up for the first time during our exchange, and I smile.

She opened her mouth to say more, but was cut off by someone calling her down the hall.

"Fuu! The fuck you doin' over there? Quit chatting up the faggots and lets go." Seifer calls out. They start laughing as he kicks around, probably trying to impress his buddies or something.

"Is that your boyfriend?" I ask.  
>She looks to the ground, whispers, "Yes."<p>

"He's a faggot. Find a better boyfriend." I smile kindly.  
>Her face turns red, "Thank you. Good bye."<br>"Bye Fuu.

I watch her walk away towards Seifer, head held low as he pushes her ahead of him and says something.

**-x-**

The rain pounds away at the roof of my car as Hayner and I headed to the mall. Instead of Halloween, I thought about the kiss me and Reno shared a few weeks ago. The passion he brought with his kiss lingered long after he left and I can't help but relive it.

"Hey you okay Sora?"  
>"Huh? I asked as we opened the doors to the mall.<p>

"You've been quiet." Hayner tells me.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking about what I wanna be."

I wonder what he's up to now. If he's still trying to find his friends.

Or doing something dangerous.

It has me worried, and I know I shouldn't be. He's his own man...

At the mall, people buzzed in and out of stores, picking up Halloween supplies and costumes. Security guards patrolled around, helping people with directions and keeping a general look out.

We head into one of the shops and the first thing I check out are the masks.

"Lots of animals..." I say to myself, noticing elephants, bears, even a horse mask.

I head to the back of the shop, where there was a line of packaged costumes I couldn't help but stare at.

Girls excitedly picked out packages, annoyingly gabbing about who they're gonna impress at this party or that party...

"Sexy maid...sexy nurse...sexy prisoner...sexy skeleton...really?" I mutter.  
>"What's wrong?" Hayner laughs.<p>

"These costumes are the shittiest I've seen. At this rate every girl is gonna be the same fucking sexy. What ever happened to making your own costume? Buying a fucking package that twenty thousand other girls are going to be wearing on one night for seventy bucks is just stupid. And it's not like the fabric's anything special, it looks like shit once you get a closer look, it's like the fabric they make preschoolers craft with." I pick up a standard sexy police uniform package, observing the abnormally perfect model posing in the skin tight uniform. Her robust blonde hair falls perfectly on her double DD's as the unenclosed gun hangs off her hourglass figure.

"And it's unrealistic."

"You sure talk a lotta shit. You think you could do better?" Hayner challenges, crossing his arms.

I look up, putting the package back in place "...I didn't say that."  
>"Ohhhh! No no no, you're gonna put your money where your mouth is. Think you could be sexier by putting together your own outfit?<em> I challenge you sir.<em>" He ends in his fake wrestler persona voice, pointing at me.

I look up at the blonde again, her better-than-me smirk digging under my skin.

….

"Yeah, you know what? I will. I'm gonna be a chick this Halloween, and I'm gonna be sexier than any of these bitches."

**-x-**

"Let's not fuck today."  
>"Seriously?"<p>

She comes in, her thong filled with dollar bills as she holds onto a stack of more.

"Yeah, I'm not feeling up to it tonight." She grabs a cigarette from her pack and sits across the couch, putting a leg up on the table before reclining. She throws the dollar bills in a bag of hers under the couch before reclining.

"Hard day?" I prepare for her usual rant.  
>"I oughta stab the bastard who thinks he can touch me. It's not a hard rule to follow. Don't touch the merchandise. But no, he thinks that just because he has the hugest stack out of the bunch, that he get's special privileges. Uh, no dude. You need to go home and fuck your wife and-and tell your kids you love them. Dollar bills don't do shit...Ugh!"<p>

She sits up, crossing her arms, "These fucker's gross me out so much...When I first started doing this, all I would do is cry and cry and cry...I wish guys like you were my regulars, maybe then...work wouldn't be so hard." She huffs out, her voice softening.

I chuckle, "You don't wish that."

She smiles somberly, "But I do."

I feel her stare me down, but I refuse eye contact.

I'm not trying to fall into another trap.

Definitely not trying to be her savior.

"You don't."

She sits there for a minute, probably waiting to get some worthwhile confession from me. Once she get's that it's not gonna happen, she gets up and throws on a t-shirt, grabbing her bag, "I need to get high..."

She chops up some lines and packs a bowl.

I pass on the weed, I just need the usual pick me up.

**-x-**

"So, what are we doing what are we goin' for?"

Dem receives the text that I'll be going as a lady this year and rushed down to the mall to our surprise, eager to help me out.

Me and Dem scrounged around the discount department store for lady outfits, going through skirts and shirts and weird dress up montages that freaked out the older women until we decided on a few pieces.

Hayner scoffed, "This is never gonna work."  
>"For under twenty five bucks?"<p>

He cocks a brow.

I think about it.

"Maybe."

**-x-**

We ended up fucking anyways.

Like usual, I don't spill a drop.

I guess I understand why she does this. If all I did was grind on old ugly people all day, I'd want to be fucked by a young guy too. I'd probably get desperate.

She gives me another bag, even though I still have half a bag from last time.

She goes behind her screen like usual, but I stay to chat for a little while longer.

"When are you gonna get a real job?" I ask by the red door, ready to head out.

She hesitates, sighs. Chuckles, "You sound like my fucking dad."  
>"You think you'll be doing this forever? You're only gonna be young for ten more years. Then you'd just be pushing it."<br>"How old do you think I-"

"-Eighteen."

She stops talking.

" Barely legal, am I right?"  
>"Yeah. Well, what of it? I can do whatever I want, this just seems to be the only thing I'm good at. And as long as I can support myself, I'll be fine right where I am."<p>

"That's a lie if I've ever heard one. Well, see ya later."  
>I lie.<p>

I'm never coming back here again.

**-x-**

I miss home. My real home.

I can't focus on my costume, nostalgia is plaguing my mind instead. The friends I had, the memories I held.

Whether good or bad. Fuck, why can't I just find a time machine and live in the past? Where hanging out at the island was the highlight of all our weekends?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way.

I fall back on the bed as Hayner readies dinner for us tonight. It's not real dinner, just some oven burritos. We set up a small table in the closet with a few Christmas lights, making it our own chill spot to eat and hangout. Sometimes we smoke in here, but it gets risky.

On the floor, I can barely identify which heap of mess belongs to who. I pick up Reno's wallet that was carelessly tossed to the floor ages ago and flip it open. The symbol of Shinra catches my eye again, allowing carelessly dangerous thoughts scare me into insanity. I've refrained myself from becoming nosy, instead I've decided that I'd rather him tell me what he does when he's ready instead.

What the _hell_ is he doing though?

I check the wallet pockets again, and come across an aged photo.

It wears thin around the edges with tiny rips, a black and white photo a tiny child and a woman. I'm almost sure it's Reno, he looks no older than seven, a long pony tail hanging in the front of his shoulder. They both look so happy with flowers in their hair.

I stare at it for what seems to be the longest time, memorized by how happy they before tucking it away. It reminded me of the good old times when my mom and dad were still together.

Before Donny.

Before the meth.

Before the beatings.

Before all of the violence and anger and resentment.

Tossing the wallet aside onto my bed, I text Reno, telling him that I had his wallet since the night we saw each other.

**-x-**

As the hours pass on with no answer, I get the inkling to take a walk. Over and over I try to discard my thoughts of him, but it proves pointless.

So, I take my backpack and walk.

I don't see anything of interest really. Almost everyone is inside, or walking their dogs.

Most of the stores are closed, and the street lights are the only things illuminating my way.

From across the street, the abandoned school looks dark. The fields are empty.

I inch closer and closer to the tree and I almost couldn't believe my eyes.

There he was again, leaned up against the tree with his back to me.

I slowly approach him, something within me stirs.

"Reno." I say.

"Sora." He faces me immediately, stifling his distressed actions.

A look of worry crosses his face, and he turns away again, crossing his arms.

"I..."

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

I take one step towards him.

He steps away.

"It's...you." He comes out with it.

"What? W-What's wrong with me...?" My heart picks up speed.

He sighs, "You're gay. And...I'm just not."

I bite the inside of my lip, nearly popping the skin, "Are you...serious?"

He takes a few seconds, leaning his body up against the tree once again.

"Yeah, couldn't you tell? It was just a spur of the moment thing. I was lonely and you were there. I used you."

"You didn't..." I slip out.

He looks over his right shoulder, and he pierces me with this look of utter hatred.

Something I don't think I'll be forgetting any time soon.

I look down, waiting for more but it never comes.

His stoic demeanor finally pushes me to my limit.

I pull out his wallet, my hands shaking as heat rises to my head.

I couldn't look at him anymore, and for some wild reason I was struck with the feeling to cry.

I throw it to his feet, "Your wallet."

I turn around and start walking, I don't look back.  
>I just light another cigarette.<p>

**-x-**

I go back home into a fit of depression and self pity.

I lie my head on the desk and search up hot chicks.

Hot, busty fucking blondes. Those model like girls...

Hot, busty brunettes.

...Hot brunettes.

Hot guys that are brunettes...

Lean hot guy brunettes...

_No one looks exactly like you Sora...you're just so perfect. You could never be mimicked._

I click through page after page, dismissing every guy I see.

"Oh fuck Ax, you're a mess...!" I snap up, just remembering that Hiro's in the room with me.

He laughs and I turn off the computer, burying my head in my crossed arms across the desk.

I grab my hair, "Shut up...!"

"Do you miss him that much?"

For the first time in ages, I show humility.

I nod.

And it makes me want to...I hate being out of control.

"What? Really? Does this mean you'll stop being this self-righteous prick?"

"I don't know asshole..."  
>"Well, when you take your trip you <em>could<em> talk to him."

I groan, "It's hopeless. What would I say?"  
>"I dunno, but if you feel this bad your heart shouldn't work too hard to come up with something good."<p>

"Who's to say he didn't move on?"  
>"No one is. He could be swimmin' in dicks and cash for all we know. Twilight Town <em>is <em>attached to the rest of the fucking world unlike this island, so who knows? Plenty of fish in the sea...y'know?"

I groan.

"But I am his brother's friend, so I guess I _kinda_ know."  
>I stand up and walk over to the bunk, "What do you know?"<p>

"It's gonna cost you a lot."  
>"What?"<br>"Like, this puppy. And, fifty bucks."  
>"Fifty bucks? Fuck off."<br>"You're the one googling for guys that look like Sora, not me. Don't you think that's a little pathetic Rocco? Yes you do ahhhh oohhhh good boy!" He baby talks to his dog before they share kiss. I feel like I have an ulcer growing in my stomach.

I pick Rocco up, scratching the back of his ear before putting him outside the bedroom door. I jump on the bunk, closing in on him.

"Wai-what are you doing?!" He panics with his candy bar in hand.

I smack it out of his hands before grabbing him.

"Fuck you bitch. Tell me what you know!" I flip Hiro on his stomach before ripping the underwear straight up, giving him an effective wedgie.

"FUCK! OKAY STOP! YOU'RE- YOU'RE RIPPING THE UNDIES MOM GOT ME!" He cries like a little kid.  
>"I don't care! Yeah, you like that you little bitch take more...!" I yank even higher and hear tiny ripples.<p>

"He's single! He-He met a guy but he's still single! He rooms with Hayner at Twilight University! And-And-And I can probably find out exactly where if you let me goooo! Stop please stop!" I can tell by the hitches in his breath that he's had enough and I let him go.

"I know he met I guy. I heard him over the fucking phone..." I huff.  
>"...But they aren't dating. He's not dating anyone...He's still pissed at you though. Very much...Ow..." He heaves.<p>

I don't care about who he meets, or what he does.

I'm getting him back.

**-x-**

I smoke a cigarette in my car, thinking about the old times before I got into this whole dating bullshit.

How right Donny was about me.

There's something wrong with me. He should've tried harder to fix me.

Why didn't anyone try harder?

I am sick.

I am infected. And nobody wants me.

Shit, at least I don't cry about it anymore...

At least...

As I see the security car making it's rounds, I put my cig out so no one catches me smoking on campus property. Last thing I need is a fucking fine.

I head inside and Hayner's already passed out cold.

I grab the stash of Vicodin I've been holding onto, my inhaler, and Hayner's pipe from the drawers built into the side of his bed.

In the closet I sit down and start smashing two and a half pills with the bottom of my lighter.

I roll a card up and snort a bit, before realizing that this is way too huge a pile I was not willing to zip.

I start licking the white powdery substance from the table, my only aim is to get high as fast as I possibly can.

The taste is too wretched, so half way through licking and lapping I grab a soda from the fridge before licking up the rest of it.

Sick.

"Okay." I breathe.

_Okay? _

_It's not okay. _

_Look at you. _

_You're fucking sick._

I slam my head on the table, stuffing his black glass pipe with a fat bowl before taking a long hit.

I rub my forehead, replaying the time from the point Reno kissed me to the point he blew me off.

The more I think about it, the more it just doesn't make any sense.

I sigh, standing up and looking for my costume.

I decide to push him aside and work on my look for Halloween.

I put on the black blouse before fitting the red high waist skirt on my body. I pull over the overall type straps and slap on the black tights. I look at myself in the mirror.

"Fuck...I don't look that girly...do I?" Besides my flat chest and obviously my face, I had a more womanly figure than I expected.

Not entirely womanly! I mind you...

Shit, I need to buff the fuck up.

Growing some more body hair wouldn't hurt...

I look over at the cheap dollar store makeup I bought.

"Hmmm..." I look at the numerous bottles and crap, decide that I don't know what the fuck I'm getting into so I put it away.

I take a few more drags before turning on some happy fucking techno in attempts to turn my mood.

I sat, smoked, smiling back on all my old memories as I messed around the closet.

My phone buzzes and I'm delighted it's from Riku.

_"Whatcha up to stranger?"  
>"Nothing, just hanging out."<br>"You celebrating Halloween this year, right?"  
>"Yeah. Got myself into this...situation. I'm going as a girl."<br>"Seriously? How'd you get into something like that?"  
>"Hayner."<br>"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahha"  
>"You'll look good probably. Or really bad."<br>"That's what he said. You'll see, you'll both see. I'll be better than most girls."  
>"Don't cheat, you can't use a wig or fake tits."<em>

"_Wasn't planning on it."  
>"Yeah yeah, you're probably pushing your wig under your bed as you tell me this, right?"<em>

I laugh out loud.

"_You know...I miss you."_

I don't want to act like it means anything.

But it does.

_"I miss you too...Riku."  
>"When are you coming back?"<br>"Sometime in November. Shouldn't be too long."_

The closet door opens and Hayner squints his eyes, before smiling.

"Shit, I thought you were an intruder." He grumbles with a lazy smile.

"Nope. Just me." I say.

He grabs some ice from the small fridge before dropping them in his glass of water before sitting on the table.

It's at this point where the vicodin starts working it's magic on me.

I feel the warmth ease my body.

I feel genuine happiness.

There's nothing to worry about...

"What are you doing?"  
>"Tryin' to figure out my look before Halloween..."<br>"Tape some plastic knives to your hand and use some fangs. Be cool, like a succubus."

"What's a succubus?"

He takes a drag from the pipe and holds his smoke in for a few seconds, before blowing out.

"It's uh, a female demon who fucks guys who are asleep and make them do whatever the fuck they want. They're like, hot demons and shit. They have, like tails and demon wings and stuff. Very cool, very hot. One of my favorite porno themes."

"What?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

"You're weird dude." I say and we bust out laughing.

"You don't want to look in my search history."  
>"I bet I don't."<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

"Why are you up this late anyways, don't you have class tomorrow?"  
>"Only math, and that's not until 3." I say quietly, laying back on the floor.<p>

I know it's chewing me up, I just can't feel it as much anymore.

Guess it's worth mentioning to Hayner, no use in him rooting for me anymore.

"You know, I gave Reno his wallet back."

I say, staring up at the blue Christmas lights strung above us.

"Oh yeah? How'd that go? Did you-"  
>"-He doesn't like me. I think..."<p>

Hayner can't see the tears gathering in my eyes.

And...I can't really feel the pain.

But it's there.

"...I think he hates me."  
>"What? No, you're crazy! What happened?"<br>"He told me he wasn't gay. He kissed me because he was lonely. I'm gay, he's not. He told me, _'I used you'._"

"Seriously?"  
>I chuckle softly, "Yeah."<p>

All that could be heard between us was the hum of the small refrigerator.

"That doesn't make sense." He finally breaks.

"I don't believe it."  
>"Well, believe it."<p>

Hayner starts laughing, opening the fridge, "You're playing into this way too much. He didn't _use _you."  
>I couldn't accept his reaction. I was so mad at his nonsensical comments that my tears dried out.<p>

"He looked at me like he hated me. He said he used me." I prop my arms up.

"Yeah yeah yeah..." He lets out a loud burp, scratching his side, "I look at people and talk like that all the fucking time. It's their choice whether they believe it or not. He's either lying or he's fucking insane."

"I'm sorry, but what the fuck are you talking about? Are we even on the same topic anymore?"  
>"Sora Sora Sora, if there's one piece of advice I think you need to hear..." He sits on the small table in front of me, "...It's that, you need to stop giving a fuck about all these guys."<br>"But-"  
>"-But nothing. If they got a problem with themselves, then they can go fuck 'emselves."<p>

He sits next to me, wrapping his arm around me, "Sora Sora Sora, you've gotta start looking at these guys as a _possible _option, not a probable solution. Go fast. Go _hard._" He makes his hand into a fist.

"Date like there's no cheating. Look as if there's no boundaries. If Reno wants to be an asshole, then fuck him. He needs to come the fuck out of the closet, he's already 25. Don't worry about it."

I sigh, "Easy for you to say. You're not a virgin, you're not even gay."  
>"Everyone's a little gay. Some people just choose not to act on their gayness. Don't worry 'bout it."<p>

I shake my head, grabbing a cigarette from the table, "You're weird Hayner."

"Well, would you rather me say what I'm _really _thinking?"  
>"...No." I stretch.<br>"You should choose a guy and fuck already. You're too good to be preserving yourself for no reason. Get it over with, it's been years...already..." He trails off.

I bite the inside of my lips, "We're not suppose to talk about it, remember?"  
>I don't let him respond, and I take a walk off of school property to smoke my cigarette.<p>

Outside of the brick walls and metal gates that signify Twilight's boy dormitories, I puff away at the cigarettes Reno so willingly gave me.

People walk by, mostly students or old folks, giving me weird looks. Nearly forgot I was in girls clothing.

_It's been years_

Like a mantra, it repeats itself.

_Years..._

_Years..._

_Years..._

I rub my eyes, leaning against the wall.

_Love...who needs it anyways..._

Before I know it, I'm done with my cigarette.

I slowly start walking inside, focusing on the ground.

I stop by my car in the parking lot, feeling as though I'm being tailed.

I look behind and see no one before going back inside.

Hayner's on the bed, "Sora, look I'm sorry I just-"  
>"-It's okay."<p>

_I'm sorry, Hayner._

He looks at me with those big sad puppy eyes, and I smile.

"I'm okay, really. Can we just not talk about it?"  
>He looks down, rubbing the back of his neck, "I ah...yeah."<p>

He nods.

My head feels as though it's swimming, and I could knock out at any second.

I think of getting higher, but instead I sleep on the floor in the closet.

**-x-**

_I run through the streets of Destiny, no real aim._

_The skies are red, meteors falling. _

_I can't go to far, but I hear the sea._

_I want to go home, but I hear the seas._

_People float down with umbrella's._

_Here comes Hiro now._

"_Good day good sir!"_

"_We're brothers."  
>"Brothers? Brothels? Buns? Bronze!" He shakes his arms in the air and they're like noodles.<em>

_His umbrella turns into a missile and shoots to the sky. I zoom in with my site and see it hit the moon, the ever expanding moon._

"_It's so typical for you to never pay attention! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!" Kairi shouts._

_I look behind me and see the hangout._

_Sora._

_I run as fast as I can and skip over the water, dodging sea dragons below the surface._

_One palm tree sits in the middle of the island, as big and wide as a sky scraper._

_And there's Sora._

_"Sora!" At least I try to scream. My voice doesn't work._

_He's walks along the base of the palm tree, touching it ever so softly as he looks over._

_He smiles and I'm hysterical._

"_Sora!" I try again. He stops and the tree begins to slouch._

_Slouching, slouching._

_It's a..._

_A paopu fruit grows ever so slowly, expanding on the branches._

_We sit down across from each other._

_He's like a God, I fear him._

_With the beauty of a Goddess. _

"_Sora." It's all I could fucking say._

_He's right in front of me._

_I have him._

_I want him._

_"Axel, you okay?" He asks so sweetly.  
>I climb over to him and push him down, asserting my position on top of him.<em>

_I hold his face, his hair..._

_Stroke his lips and kiss him softly._

_He giggles softly, "Ax, you're being weird."  
>"I missed you so-"<em>

**-x-**

"I missed you so much Sora..." I wake up saying.

I squeeze the sheets.

It freaks me out, and I look around.

The rain and the howling wind makes its way into the room, blowing papers off the desk and shaking the door.

_Damn it..._

I hop off the bed and shut the window. The monitor lit the way with it's fluorescent background. I turn off my alarm clock and grab my phone.

"_I'll pick you up at 8. Be ready. Don't bring drugs, and don't be high. We meet Marluxia on Halloween, so we'll stay in a hotel in Sunset until then."_

I go pee, brush my teeth.

Shower.

Eat.

_6:30...What am I supposed to do for an hour?_

I honestly don't want to be high today. My nostrils feel like a blown out tire. It's just not gonna happen.

I just want to make things right between me and Sora. And I have no fucking idea what I'm gonna tell him, but I hope Hiro's right.

I hope my heart comes up with something good.

_That's if you even have one, asshole.  
><em>

God, why was I such an asshole to him? I dug my grave pretty fucking deep.

Is this even possible? Can I actually...do this?

Should I?

I turn on the t.v in the living room and grab a pen.

I start doodling shapes on my wrist, and I catch myself doodling the shape of Sora's hair.

**-x-**

At 7:45 I tell Hiro of my departure. He mumbles something along the lines of keeping my phone on.

I check around for anything else I might need and spot a costume in the corner.

Just a black cloak and a fake scythe.

I grab the scythe and shove the cloak in my bag.

**-x-**

I open my eyes.

Why am I so sick?

_Riku..._

_Axel..._

_Reno..._

_What's so wrong with me? Why am I so...disposable?_

I'm goin' back to sleep.

**-x-**

I climb into Sai's car, throwing my bag in the back seat. We start driving.

"You aren't high or anything, correct?"

"I'm sober."  
>"Good. Last thing we need is you freaking out on the plane." He passes a ticket over.<p>

**-x-**

I wake up in a cold sweat, tears in my eyes.

I look around, realizing I'm alone before sitting up and grabbing a drink of water.

_Another so called "dreamless" night._

Ever since that night I've been so stressed.

Over thinking things and trying to keep a cool lid.

**-x-**

At the airport we get all checked in and make it to the gate.

We wait and wait and wait.

All I could think of was getting to see Sora again.  
>I get to see him again.<p>

I get to see Sora again...!

My face is met with an instant smile.

"What the fuck are you so happy about?"

It washes away as I look over to Sai, his hoodie hiding most of his face as he lays up against his bags, "You're not planning anything stupid, right?"  
>"No, I'm not even thinking about work. You mind if I explore the place a little bit?"<br>"What more exploring would you want to do? You've already lived there once..."  
>"Yeah, a long time ago. Just let me walk around a bit, I got a friend who lives in Sunset anyways."<br>"Does he do coke?"  
>"No..."<br>"Does he have a significant acquaintance that he would buy coke for?"  
>"...No?"<br>"No. The answer is no."  
>"But Sai-"<br>"-This is about Sora, isn't it?"

I blink.

"No."

"Yeah, okay. I don't understand you're useless obsession with this kid, but whatever. Do as you wish, just be ready on Halloween."  
>I smile, "Thanks! And I'll be ready."<p>

He stands up and grabs his bag as the lady begins calling for tickets.

We get on the plane and I take a window by the seat.

_Cool..._

I look around as Sai puts our stuff in the compartment above.

The buttons and pamphlets. He sits down and puts on his seat belt before throwing his hoodie over his eyes and passing out again.

"How can you miss this? This is my first time on a plane..." I mumble.

"Mine too."  
>"Don't you want to see what happens?"<br>"Nope."

At least he's honest.

After the pilot spits out some safety rules and weird jargon, we start taking off.  
>I'm fixated on the world outside as the plane starts skipping off the ground.<p>

I feel the last contact the wheels have with the ground and we climb higher, eventually breaking through above the clouds where the sun is chilling with blue skies.

"Sai, look." I nudge.

I feel Sai's head fall on my shoulder.

_Must be tired._

He sleeps on my shoulder for the majority of the flight as I stare out thinking about Sora.

**-x-**

I almost start sleeping as we reach ground. Sai wakes up off of my shoulder to the feeling of us touching ground and I see him freak out a little.

He grabs the arm rest next to us, squeezing as he looked around.

"We're just landing." I say with a yawn.

He relaxes a bit.

We get off the plane and out of the airport by noon. The TC is busy as shit, I'm glad we only brought two bags each.

We find a seat and Sai's back to sleeping.

We pass town after town and people come and go.

A stop before Sunset, we get stalled by the train operators break.

As we sit patiently, another train pulls up along the tracks and I do a little people watching.

Some guy gets on the train, with red hair, really long fucking hair in a ponytail.

He's almost in this business type suit, a depressing look on his face.

Two little tattoos by his eyes.

I don't know why I'm so entranced by him, I just am.  
>This feeling strikes me as though we've met before, but I think I would remember meeting someone with red hair like mine.<p>

I stare, almost needing his attention.

I need this fucker to look at me, at least once.

I almost have my nose pressed up against the glass, but he doesn't budge.

Just that same fucking depressed look on his face.

_Hang in there...  
><em>

The trains start moving and I look away, glancing over to Sai.

**-x-**

Outside of the hotel in Sunset, we smoke our cigarettes before checking in. Cute schoolgirls in uniforms pass by, giggling and skipping along their marry way. The sun is breaking through the clouds, drying the wet streets.

"So is this guy cool?"  
>"He's a little weird, but I trust him."<p>

"Weird?"

Sai nods. He yawns, flicking his cigarettes out.

"What's wrong?"  
>"I'm tired, I've been high for days and I'm crashing and I'm tired as shit..."<br>"Go inside."  
>"I can't check in without...uh...?" He looks past me and I turn around.<p>

"Hi!"  
>"Dem? What are you doing here?"<br>"I live here, no shit. Well, I live down the block...I'm going to school right now."  
>"Yeah, I can tell by your lame uniform."<br>"Pff, whatever. Who's your friend?"  
>"Saix."<p>

Dem does the weird shit he's known for, walking up to Sai's tired body before looking him in the eyes.  
>"You...have really pretty eyes..." Dem touches his own face as though he's falling in love.<p>

"..._Thanks._ I'm gonna go sleep in the lobby Ax. Tell me when you're ready." He starts walking inside.

"Alright, be there soon."  
>"Bye! Boy, your friend has pretty eyes."<br>"Sora." I grab Dem's arms.

"Sora?"  
>"I know you've been hanging out with him. Where is he? How's he doing? Where does he live?"<br>"He's at home. Probably sleeping. And I would tell you, if I wasn't so sure I'd be screwing someone over in the end."

"Why can't you tell me where he lives?"

"I just can't."  
>"Do you <em>know <em>where he lives?"

"Yeah, we chill almost every day."  
>"Then tell me!"<p>

Dem shakes his finger with a disapproving face, "It's like if I told _your_ ex girlfriend where _you_ lived once you moved into a new place. I ain't doing it. I wouldn't do it to you, and I ain't doing it to Sora. One day, when I get a partner and dump them I hope you don't do it to me. Sorry, but I'm useless."

I grind my teeth and sit up against the wall of the hotel, my stomach suddenly going into cramps.

"I'm gonna kill myself!" I say in the moment, lurching over in pain.  
>"What! Really?"<br>"No."  
>"Oh...Well, you know, you could always call him or something, let him know you're in town."<br>"You think he'll talk to me before Halloween's over? I'm going back home after that."  
>He shrugs, "I dunno. I'm not a psychic. But he's pretty forgiving anyways, unless you're just stupid, which by the way you were..."<br>"I'm not a fucking angel, everyone makes mistakes."  
>"Yeah, but you don't stand by your mistake like you're proud of it. What are you, stupid?"<br>"Shut up."  
>"Text him, you didn't make him so mad that he'd never talk to you again, right?"<p>

I shrug, "I don't know..."

"How about this...if he says anything about missing you, I'll try to work you into a better light."

I look over, "You'd do that?"  
>"Sure. Why not? You sure as hell need the help."<p>

"Thanks."  
>"No problem. I gotta get to class, see ya later."<br>"Later."

Dem runs his hands over my head once as he leaves and I return to the lobby where people are whispering about the possible homeless guy sleeping in their lobby.

I shake Sai awake and we check into the room.

He takes off half his clothing before jumping into the bed.

"Wake me up when it's midnight."

**-x-**

Day in and day out, I text Sora.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.  
>Can we meet up and talk?<p>

And nothing.

Not even a snub, which I'm kinda begging for at this point.

"I'm starting to get the feeling that he blocked my number..." I say at the table. The sun is rising and today's the day we meet the guy. Sai knows him, but I'm expecting a shitty place with guys holding guns all over the place.

Shit, maybe he'll kill us.

"I'm starting to get the feeling that you only came for the fucking kid."  
>"Who cares, as long as I'm working, right?"<p>

He rolls his eyes.

**-x-**

"Hey you guys!" Dem makes his loud entrance and wakes me up.

"Hey." I say groggily.

Hayner doesn't respond, he's actually sleeping in past me this time.

"I hope you're ready for this, because..."

He pulls off his backpack and throws something at my face.

I hold it up in the light, "Please tell me you didn't get this from one of your groupies..."

"Hell no! These are boy panties, and I got us matching ones." He sings out, holding up his.

They were lacy, basically see through light blue floral boy shorts with black waistbands.

"You really outdone yourself this time. Wait, why'd you get two?"  
>"I wanna be a girl too. I just didn't tell you yet because Hayner would get mad. Let's get ready! I want you to see my outfit!"<p>

Dem hurries into the closet and I lay in bed for a few more seconds.

I look over to Hayner who's still fast asleep.

**-x-**

"The sun needs to set a little faster!" Dem says as he checks himself out in the mirror. His hair isn't done like usual, and I can barely see his eyes as a result.

"Time for deh panty-loons."

Without warning, he pulls down his underwear and I see his perfect pale butt.

I blush, looking away and grabbing my own costume from the top shelf.

"So why are you a girl again?"  
>"Well, because I wanted to be a girl but then I remember promising Hayner that we'd wear masks so we could trick or treat this year without grown ups asking 'how old are you'. But if we're both girls, we could just call Hayner our kid and yank his candy. And it's more believable too, because kids usually don't trick-or-treat without parents." He snickers.<p>

**-x-**

I sat down and let Dem iron and curl my hair into something magical as we talked.

"Have you spoken to Axel? Since...you know."

"No. And I don't want to. I'm sick of all these guys fucking me over."

"What if I told you I talked to him...?" Dem eases out.

I breathe, "I'd say that I didn't care..."  
>"Really?"<br>"Yeah. Really. He's a jerk."

"I don't blame you for feeling that way...You should try dating for fun."  
>"Easier said than done. Most guys who want to date for fun just want to fuck. And I can't do that because..."<p>

I grumble.

"What, what is it what?"

"...I'm a virgin." I say embarrassed.

He gasps, "Really? Me too!"  
>"Really?"<br>"Really!"  
>"Sweet. Now we can be virgin brothers."<br>"Virgin brothers. Doesn't actually sound as bad as it is." He laughs.  
>"If you don't mind me asking, why are you a virgin still?"<br>He sighs, "Oh you know, work, school, family. Before I moved to Twilight Town from Hollow Bastion, I was basically my parents little robotic angel. All I did was work and practice and school until I got into some shit they didn't approve of and kicked me out. Between piano, violin, singing, swimming, and performing at a level no high school kid should be forced to perform at...It was impossible to land a high school sweetheart, let alone get laid. I wasn't allowed to have friends over or visit them."

"That sucks."  
>"Yeah, and after I graduated high school early with fucking honors, they just put way more pressure on me to become some sort of fucking Mozart. They kept pushing one way and I started leaning the other, listening to whatever I pleased. And every time my dad would find these CD's he'd beat the shit out of my hands, just my hands. Every time. I didn't really care because they were hands, you know? But then I saved up my money for my sick ass Sitar I still have to this day, and when he found that hidden in the attic he knew it was me. We got in a fight, they outed me and I made enough cash playing on the streets to move here and start a new life. Some of the people suck but I love it here. This is what I worked for and I got it. Just need to find a worthy advisory to fuck...which I'm working on..." He blushes.<p>

"Zex...?" I say, unsure of the rest.

"Who told you that?! No!"

I see his smile in the reflection of the mirror as he finishes up with my hair.

"What about you? What's got you holding onto your card so hard?"  
>I'm about to give him a bull shit answer before the closet door busts open.<p>

"You! You just had to be a girl tonight didn't you!"  
>"You can still wear your costume. Or you could be a girl with us!"<p>

"Yaaay!" I clap.

"NO. I DON'T WANT TO BE A GIRL. I BOUGHT THIS BEAR COSTUME FOR A REASON. So what? So we end up sharing ONE bag of candy because I'm the only one who's gonna pass as a kid now?"

"You know Hayner, I got you panties but I can see that you won't be appreciating them anytime soon..."

I am spared out of an explanation.

**-x-**

"The moment of truth." I say as we pull up in front of the guys house. It's one of those normal one story flat with a brown fence outside. A dog runs up the gate and stares as Sai pets him. As soon the dog gets his fill he rolls around and wags his tail, jumping excitedly. Inside the kitchen window I spot an old lady washing dishes. She smiles our way.

Doesn't look like a bad neighborhood.

But looks can be deceiving.

"So, what's gonna happen?" I ask as Sai knocks on the door.  
>"We're just gonna talk to the guy. He's gonna give us our cut, and he'll tell us what to do from here. And don't be mean to his Grandma, she's survived a 3 massacres and can't talk because her tongue got cut off by rebels."<br>"Shit dude."

My hearts skipping out of my chest as the sun sets slowly. All I can think about is Sora, and being able to get to him on time.

She opens the door and nods, shuffling aside sweetly. I see Sai nod and smile and I follow along.

She closes the door and goes back to washing dishes.

As we walk down the hall I look at the family photos on the wall.

_So this guy's got a little brother and a grandma...but no parents._

So we walk into this room, and the first thing I see are all the posters of roses and tits everywhere.

Two beds sit on the opposite end of each other. Puppets covered every inch of the unused bed, creeping me the hell out. Joker masks hung on the walls and ash trays layed around, filled with buds and ashes.

The guy with pink hair sits up on his bed, yawning as though he just woke up.

Sai walks to the bed filled with puppets, shoving them aside to make room for our seats.

I hear weird loud pop music from the other side of the wall with words in another language.

Marluxia bangs on the wall, before hearing a few bangs back.

"How are you today?" He asks, lighting himself a cigarette and drinking out of a slightly crushed soda can. A cat meows for his attention as he pushes it aside

"Tired. You know."  
>He nods before reaching under his bed.<p>

He pulls out a bag before asking, "And you, Axel?"

"Good."  
>"Good...How's he been working, Sai?"<br>"No complaints so far, a lot of our female clients have taken a liking to him. He learns fast."

I feel like shutting him up myself but I remember that the most expressive I could be right now is at zero.

He smiles, "Nice. How old are you, Axel?"  
>"Nineteen."<br>"Alright..."

He takes out two cards and toss them both over to us.

"My name is Marluxia. You'll get to know what I do later, but for now just think of me as top gun. I can get anything from virtually anywhere. Right now my top priority is getting my product out there and having a profit come back. We try to keep as low key as possible, you don't look flashy so that's good..."

He stands up and starts looking out of his shades.

His eyes are red, as though he's fucking crashing too.

_This guy IS weird..._

"Observe who you sell to, watch their EVERY fuckin' move...don't talk about things over the phone all of the time, and relocate when shit goes bad. Fear your customers...always. If something doesn't feel right-then it isn't. I want you and Sai to work together still, since you guys did better than I expected on that one desolate island..."

I glance over to Sai.

"You want a gun, Axel?"

_Hell yeah._

"Y-"

"-He doesn't need a gun. With all due respect he'd probably end up trigger happy and that's the last thing we need if we're just starting up."

I look over to Sai but he doesn't budge.

_No Sai. No._

_:(_

"Are you certain about that? You guys won't always be around each other all the time. He'll need his own way of protection."  
>"I'm positive. He's just not ready."<p>

"If you say so. I'll trust your judgment. As for relocation...how would you guys feel about moving over here? I'd love to deal to a bunch of islanders, but it's just not substantial."

"Move?"  
>"Yes." I say immediately.<p>

"What's the problem with moving?"

"I already bought a house in Destiny."  
>"So? Just sell it and move over. Once you move here you'll actually be able to travel a distance that isn't considered claustrophobic. You'll make more than enough to support yourselves and if you wanted you could get real jobs to cover your tracks better."<p>

"Fine." He says.

"Good. Your payments are on those cards, don't lose them. I'm afraid I won't be giving you anything else until you move here, but with how much you guys made you should have enough to support yourselves for a while. I've enough problems with border inspectors as it is, I'm not risking anymore on that cheap fucking land. So you know what to do. Any questions?"

"What's that fucking song that keeps playing in the other room?"

"Axel."

_I'm sorry Sai, I had to ask._

"It's my little brother and his weird erotic anime songs. He listens to them none stop in the computer room and even sleeps in there now. He's a freak." Mar leaves the room for a second.

"But the posters of tits and roses...those are yours? Or...what's...what's goin' on with those?"

Sai smack my head, "Shut the fuck up so we can leave or else you won't be able to stalk your ex."  
>"I'm sorry, but the guy is weird and I have a lot more questions."<p>

Marluxia comes back and sits down, "Bastard won't even open the door. Well, I'll be seeing you two around soon."  
>"Thank you." Sai stands up.<br>"Thanks."

We make our way to the door.

"Oh, and one more thing, Axel."  
>"Yeah?"<br>"Don't get in trouble, keep your mouth shut and be smart about what you do. Don't cross us...Any wrong moves can mean the end of your life."

"...Got it chief."

I sure get fucking tired, hearing death threats all the time.


	22. Chapter 22

"Hey are you guys almost ready?"

I sat on the counter with bright lights blinding my sight as Dem went to work on my makeup after taking nearly two hours doing my hair. Thirty minutes to spray it black with some temp hair color, and the rest ironing it, curling it, the works. Clothes hanging lightly bellows to the fans wind.

He slaps black horns on my head.

"You know what you're doing right?" I ask timidly. He hasn't so much as allowed me to look in anything reflective.

"I took a class on theater makeup and I've been doing my own hair everyday since I was eight. So yeah...I know what I'm doing." He says with a smirk.

"Oh, that's good to know."

Hayner trots in with his costume and I can't help but notice...

"Hayner what the fuck are you wearing?"  
>"It's my bear costume."<p>

"No one's gonna think you're a kid."

He shrugs, "Yeah they will, people are idiots."

The bear head was viscous and snarling, with a fake fish shoved in the mouth for effect.

"I added a fish so I look cooler."  
>"I see that... How are you supposed to get candy in that costume again?"<p>

"Can you even see out of that?"  
>"Easy, I just fix my voice to sound like a kid and you guys stand back like my love parents. It's genius. And yes, I can see just fine thank you."<p>

He rips the head off and squeezes out of the costume, "It's hot though..."  
>Hayner sits on the table behind Dem, smiling wide after a few seconds.<p>

"What? What is it?"  
>"You look...Absolutely horrible."<br>"Liar."

Hayner shakes his head, "I'm kidding, you look good. You drawing cracks on him?"  
>"Yeah..."<br>"Looks fucking sick."  
>"Hayner go 'way." I say.<p>

**-x-**

Dem starts slathering cold icky stuff on my face before running a brush with powder over my skin. I cringe, having to take breaks from the grossness of it all. My face feels like a mud pit, dribbled with something that has the scent and consistency of melted crayons and slime. He makes me close my eyes before stabbing it with eyeliner, to which you can guess, _burns._**  
><strong>

"Be careful!" I flinch with every poke and prod.

"I am! Just stop moving I'm almost done..."

"I can't believe girls do this shit everyday...My eyes burn like hell..." I feel myself begin to tear up, and that causes Dem to stab me harder.

"Stop. Stop. I'm done." I try to grab his wrists but he moves away.  
>"Waaaaiiiii!"<p>

He sits on my lap, holding me down with his weight.

"Dem get off!"

"Hurry uuuuup." Hayner whines.

"Done. And you look pretty good if I say so myself. You should wear your hair up sometime, it shows your cute face." He pinches my cheeks before sliding off my lap.

I lean back against the fridge, taking a well deserved break after straining my back for so long. I glance over to my outfit, wondering if I should bring a cop out costume in case anything goes wrong. Should I have been so eager to prove Hayner wrong?

"No thanks. This is a one night thing." I mutter under my breath as I stand up.

"Sure it is."  
>I roll my eyes. He sits down in front of the mirror, dousing his hair with temporary green spray.<p>

I strip down and throw on the lacy blue underwear he gifted me earlier.

And you know, the fabric's actually nice...

Breathable...

_These aren't bad but..._

The head of my dick pops out no matter how I adjust myself. After slamming my junk around behind Dem silently for five minutes I came to a compromise and let it do its own thing. I pull on my black blouse and sleek red skirt, sliding the red straps over my shoulders. I slid the black tights on at last and head to the bathroom with my phone to take a picture of myself.

Before I take a few, I marvel at the amazing job Dem did. I also remember to start setting my fangs in place.

My eyes were big, yet sunken in with the black and red eye shadow. My eyebrows dark and arched. My face was paler than I've ever seen it, my cheek bones highlighted and structured with dark shadow as well as my nose. The dark red matte lips stuck out as well as the cracked lines he worked so hard on. It had a 3D surreal feel to it

As I reach for my phone, it knocks over in the toilet bowl.

"Son of a bitch! No..." I yell.

"What happened?" Hayner asks.

"I dropped my phone in the fucking toilet bowl. This bathrooms way too small."  
>"It's alright, just put it in a bag of rice and disinfect it when we come back."<p>

"I guess...Will you get it for me?"  
>"No. You do it. It's your phone."<p>

I frown, looking away, "Yeah, but...you're a bear..." I whine under my breath, twiddling my fingers together.

He bobs his bear head, "Yeah, sure. I'll do it, but only because you're pretty. Hold on."

"Really? _Sweet._..."

**-x-**

I sit on the edge of the bed as Sai checks his card account over the phone. The sun is setting sooner than I expected, and it makes me unsettled.

I give Sora a call, yet I still get no answer.

And I doubt he said anything about missing me, because Dem has yet to shed light on anything.

II could only wonder what Sora's doing tonight.

What he's up to...

If he dressed up at all, or if he's just running around town being him.

"Ugh...my stomach hurts." I stand up and go to the table by the window, watching all the little children run amongst themselves while their parents chaperoned. I layed my head on the table, drawing a cigarette out of the carton of smokes in front of me. The craving to do a line is starting to set in, and I'm almost tempted to go score some.  
>But I've gotta have self control.<p>

I look over to Sai who's in awe, staring at his phone.

"What's up with you?"

He puts his phone down, before turning on the t.v.

"Hello?"  
>He smiles willingly for the first time in ages, "All that hard work paid off."<p>

"That's great." I actually didn't care about the cash.

We have it, great. But I want to see Sora.

As I thought about texting Hiro, my phone rings.

"Hello?"  
>"Did ya get a hold of him yet?"<br>"No." I sigh.

"I think that they're going to the mansion outside of town once they trick or treat for a while. That's probably your best chance of seeing him if he's not home. If I were you though, I'd check out his dorm first."  
>"Do you know where it is?"<br>"Get a pen."

I right down the address to the dorm.

"Roxas has been trying to get a hold of him too, but his phone is off or something."

**-x-**

After Hayner so kindly fished my phone out of the toilet with a plastic bag wrapped around his hand, I watch Dem put the finishing touches on himself. Hayner stands by the doorway fiddling with his Polaroid camera, his bear suit hanging off his waist. He smacks the camera a few times before it flashes and spits out a picture.  
>"Success!"<p>

Dem crinkles his nose after finishing off with pink blush and I almost couldn't contain how adorable he is right now. He slaps on the tiniest fairy wings and throws some glitter on himself.

"I'm a motherfucking fairy mom...told you I could do it."  
>We get bus fare and I put my cigarettes as well as a joint in Hayner's empty bag. I step into a set of high heels, praying that my legs have the capacity to walk on what felt like sticks. According to Dem, two inch heels aren't a lot, but I beg to differ.<p>

Me and Dem stood together in the hallway while Hayner turned everything off. He zips up his costume and puts his bear head on before locking the door.

"I think I'm gonna end up falling tonight."  
>"Don't break your ankle, we won't take you to the hospital."<br>"Yeah, we'll just dump you on someones lawn so we can keep trick or treating."

They laugh and I kick off the shoes, "I'll wear it when I need to. Tights are good enough shoes, right?"  
>"No, they're tights."<p>

After a few minutes we were subjected to wolf whistles and intentional staring.

...It's nice getting this kind of attention.

I mean...I'm an okay guy, but I would've made a pretty hot girl.

"Ready?"

We nod, frolicking out of the building with Hayner in between.

**-x-**

"_Couldn't help but notice you took my fucking costume and now I have to go to a party as the lame tree I went as last year which is the ultimate fucking cock block. You like being the cock block? Bet you fucking do. Thanks, you're a great fucking brother."_

"_I need it."  
>"For what? To successfully stalk one guy?"<br>"No. Well...Yeah. I don't want to be fucking kicked out of a party because I don't have a costume. I'll pay you back when I get home."_

I look at the costume closely, unzipping the front of the pitch black cloak._  
><em>

I pull the black cloak over my shirt and sip up the tall black boots before pulling the large hood over my head.

I grab the extendable scythe and fold the directions before slipping them in my black gloves.

"Alright Sai, call me if anything happens. I'll be back later."

…...

He blinks.

"So, you're really doing this?"  
>"Yeah Sai, I'm really doing this. I'm not gonna fuck up this time, either."<p>

"So you're gonna follow him up until what point?"  
>"Have you been talking to my brother?" I frown.<p>

He looks towards the t.v, ignoring my question.

"Aren't you doing something tonight?"  
>He lays on the bed, munching on freshly delivered pizza and drinking a soda. He looks good, not strung out or tired like he was when we first got here.<p>

"Like what?"  
>"I don't know. We haven't been in a city for years. You could go to a party...oorr come with me or..."<p>

His frown grows longer by the second, and I remember that Sai isn't too much of a people person.

I mean, he is. But only when it involves business.

Hardly will he ever have a good time just to have a good time. Always some type of interior motive with his ass.

"You're all business man, you need to lighten up and go meet a girl. And then have relations _with_ said girl."  
>"Hmpf. I don't need someone like <em>you<em> giving me relationship advice." He munches on his pizza some more before changing the channel.

"Or some friends."  
>"I have some friends."<br>"Friends that aren't just part of the business."  
>"You. And my dogs."<p>

_Awww...Sai..._

c:

"Don't look at me like that."

c:

He grunts.

"You only have until 4 am. We catch our flight out at 5:30."

"Okay, bye _friend."_

He rolls his eyes, "_Bye."_

**-x-**

Outside we zig zag across neighborhoods towards the bus stop, posing as Hayner's cross dressing parents. Some people can't actually tell I'm a guy.

And I'd hate to say that it pisses me off but it does. My voice may be the only give away, but that's only sometimes.

But...

A few guys, even a _dad_ of some other kid came up to us, asking for numbers and handing theirs out instead after we beat around the bush.

I like getting hit on, it's like a rush. And Hayner gets tons of fucking candy when it comes to some guys answering the door.

Block after block his bag fills with treats, it starts looking heavy. We finally get close to town before being called into a party.

"You girls thirsty? We got drinks!" Some call from a balcony.

"Are they free?" Dem asks flirtatiously, eyeing the men from below.

"Hell yeah! Come in!"

So we stop in, somewhat becoming the unwanted center of attention as we got passed free drinks.  
>It was a small place, yet the party seemed to be on the rage with people dancing upstairs. People in costumes stood around, drinking and smoking.<p>

Hayner leaves and returns a few seconds later.

"Aren't you gonna have a drink?" I ask him.

"Soon." He says through his bear mouth.

After mingling a while and getting tipsy we keep on moving to the bus stop.

As we waited, Hayner pulls out a bottle and takes off his bear head.

"Did you just get that...?"  
>He nods, "From the party? Yeah. I didn't want to take my head off there, so I just took some bottle for the go."<p>

He snickers before popping it open and taking a few swigs.

"Smooth."

**-x-**

As I approached the dorms for boys at Twilight, I looked around at the scenery and buildings, noticing the mostly brick and stone architect. The place struck me as kind of uppity...only the loaded and smart could probably make it here. Sora's not loaded at all, but considering his GPA I assume he's smarter than anyone would first believe. As I walked through the parking lot I spotted his classic 50's blue ride sitting quietly under a lamp post. I approach it carefully, looking around as I ran my fingers over the recline-able hood. I'm instantly shot back to the first time we ate lunch together in his car.

The first time I knew we were more than friends driving down from the mountains...

I stop from getting ahead of myself and trot up to the building, passing very few people as I headed up the stairs.

On the uppermost floor I look at the numbers and stop at 313.

My heart jumps in my throat as I knock on the door, anticipating someone.

So...

Seconds pass, and seconds turn into minutes.

I knock, hoping that he's just at home.

After ten minutes I'm forced to face reality, he's not gonna be this easy to find.

I walk back outside and text Hiro.

_"So where's this mansion you spoke of?"_

_"Start walking back to the bus stop, I'll find the address in a sec."_

I sit at the bus stop going back towards Sunset, awaiting further instructions from Hiro. I look down the street, seeing lights as far as the eye can see brighten the night sky. Skyscrapers layed far ahead, promising life and opportunity. A bus pulls up a few moments after I arrived across the street and two guys get off arguing.

It's that same guy from the train not too long ago. He doesn't seem to be doing any better with this other guy shouting in his face. He's dressed in all black, as though that suffices as a costume...Who am I kidding though, he's probably just heading to a chill party to drink and get layed. Those parties where they don't give two shits about dressing up...Sounds so good right now. Or...Maybe he robs banks for a living. I doubt he does anything too hardcore with that hair though, that's way too easy of a way to get screwed. Probably just one of those stupid artsy type guys who drinks wine and complains about the state of the environment or something...There's a shit ton of those in Sunset so I wouldn't be surprised.

Holy shit...the brunette has a scar the size of a hand across his face...wonder what deep shit he got himself into...

_Ugh...when's Hiro gonna text me...?_

I look at my phone and nothing.

They're shouting pretty hard at each other...Despite that fact, I can't hear much of anything through the traffic.

The guy with the goggles shakes his head and crosses his arms, falling silent before the brown haired dude puts his hands on his hips and steps away

He steps up to the red head again, and I see the words come out of his mouth:

_'Fix it. Now.'_

He's furious, I can almost see the veins popping out of his neck from across the street.

The red head looks around, before nodding reluctantly.

_'Fine.'_ I read from his lips.

They sit on opposite ends of the bus stop, I can feel the tension all the way over here...

Goggles rubs the back of his head.

The brunettes silently shaking his head, still pissed.

The bus pulls up again and they're gone.

Wonder what that was all about...

"_Hurry up and catch the five towards downtown, or did it already pass?"_

Damn it.

"_Yeah, it's passed."_

**-x-**

It's staggering how many guys have asked us to dance or to just _talk._

I actually don't mind the attention, granted the dude is cute.

And...my god, some of these guys are _really fucking cute._

Despite all the nice distractions we keep on moving through the streets until Hayner's bag is filled to the brim in treats.

We finally make it to the bus stop.

Dem takes a look at his watch, "This bus should run every fifteen minutes..."

"Maybe it's a little late?"  
>"Probably." Hayner pulls off his bear head and attempts to unwrap the candies with his bear paws.<p>

"Wish I had my phone...wonder what my brothers up to..." I say.

"He's probably staying home, being a loser next to his video games. I can imagine him saying it now, _'Ugh, trick or treating is for little kids, why should I do that when I can just play my games? Uuuuughhhhh'." _Hayner throws his head back.

I laugh, "Yeah, you're probably right. He won't be playing that much once he moves."

"Please, once he brings over his fucking console both of you can kiss your grades goodbye. I remember you both skipped school for a week straight just to play some new fucking game. I knew it was bullshit when the teacher said something about a ATV accident. No one on Destiny owns a fucking ATV..."  
>"What, seriously Sora?" Dem asks amused.<p>

I smile, "You're just jealous because we didn't invite you over."  
>"Yeah right. Until the principle finally called your mom and asked her about the forged note you guys wrote excusing you for<em> 'busted up tailbones'<em>. So much fucking dedication just to be lazy."  
>"It was golden...what tipped the principle off was Roxas' fucking shitty signature. Looked like someone with scissor hands wrote it."<br>"Damn Sora, that sounds like a crippling addiction. No wonder your a virgin."  
>"Hey fuck you at least I have a reason." I cross my arms.<p>

**-x-**

After walking into the city more I was finally able to catch the bus. I sit in the way back and watch as we take off towards the mansion.

The possible scenarios play in my mind as I think of Sora.

_Maybe I should go back..._

As the bus pulls up to the curb for another round of passengers, I see two girls sitting on the bench. A closer look and they're actually beautiful.

I know, I have to ween myself off the singles thinking if I want to get serious with Sora.

But...

I watch them get on the bus and I look away.

Hey, I need fifty more cents spot me."

_...That sounds like Dem._

"You cheapo, you have fifty cents."  
>"Yeah but I'm saving it for gum pleeeease?"<br>"Yeah yeah."

I look down, avoiding detection. After a while the bus starts moving again. I peak up cautiously and look towards the front where three of them sat grouped.

_What the fuck...?_

It took me time to realize it was Sora. It was only when Sora turned his head enough for me to see his gorgeous eyes that I was able to recognize it was him.

No doubt that's Sora.

Despite his makeup and hair, those eyes tell all.

And his hypnotic smile...

I watch his deep dark red lips as he converses with Dem and this kid in a bear suit.

And, I realize that I can't muster up the strength to talk to him. Time after time I make a move to stand up.

But...I can't. I think I'm...scared.

Intimidated by that stunning face.

My palms sweat and my stomach churns...

My cheeks burns...

Instead I enjoy the fact that I can hear him speak again.

To hear him laugh...

I don't want to ruin it with my presence.

I relax, gazing up from my hoodie as he smiles and laughs.

The bear grabs a camera and they take tons of pics, ones he'd probably be embarrassed to show me.

I'm glad he's having such a good time tonight...

He deserves to have fun.

….So why am I here? Should I even...?

_If I'm asking myself that question, then I probably should..._

I decide to leave, almost knowing that he's... just way too good for me.  
>I take a stand, pulling the bell so I could get off at the next stop.<p>

I'll probably go into a party, get drunk and fuck somebody that's in my league before I go home...

"Come on, we're here!" I hear Dem say.

_What?_

They all hop off the bus. I stand there for a few seconds, looking at the bus driver eyeing me down before I stumble over myself as I made way to the exit. I try to inconspicuously follow looking back and forth as I see them run across the street into a crowd. I watch Sora...

Why doesn't he have any shoes on?

...I can't.

I have to have him. Like a fucking drug.

Looking around, I see signs advertising the new haunted house attraction.

As I approach, the crowd becomes more dense and it's hard to keep up.

I try not to lose them, but it's impossible with everyone shoveling into this house.

Once I'm inside I keep thinking that I see glimpses of him here and there...

But, I can't find him.

It's all smoke and mirrors.

_You should've just stopped him on the bus. Nice going dumb ass.  
><em>

**-x-**

"Too scary, waaaay too scary. No no no." Dem says as we trail him back outside.

"Dem wait, it's not that bad." I try to convince him.  
>"I refuse. Did you see the fucking ambiance in that place? No thanks."<p>

We didn't go past the first room in the first attraction. That's how scary the _ambiance _was to Dem. Hayner wanted to keep going, but from the look on Dem's face we all knew he wasn't going to make it far at all. This ticked off Hayner, as he mentions how unreal his fears are.

"...Are you kidding me Dem?" He asks one last time. Dem stand silent with a frown, looking away. Hayner doesn't wait for an answer. He starts walking down the street, ruffled with irritation.

Dem sighs sadly and I nudge him to follow. We walk slowly behind Hayner, taking our time as he waited up ahead at the stop sign.  
>"You're really that scared?" I ask slowly.<br>He chuckles, "It's ridiculous, I know. I'm not good with stuff like that."

His eyes fall as he rubs his arm awkwardly.

I rub his back, "It's alright, we'll try again next year."  
>He smiles and I look ahead, "Hayner!"<p>

He looks back putting his arms up as if to ask "What?"  
>"Stop being an asshole." I say out to him.<p>

He waves his hand off, crosses his arms before nodding.

**-x-**

_Uughh..._

I sit out on the curb as people walked out of the house of haunted horrors.

I stare over my phone, knowing that Hiro can't do much for me anymore.

I lost him. I tried to stay and look for him, but it's been a good two hours. He's been done with this place for a while.

I stand up and kick rocks towards the bus stop. I look around and see a party going on a few houses down.

After scanning the scene for ten minutes, I decide that I could get in without being hassled.

I walk over as though I know where I'm going and slip in undetected.

I look around, noticing the amount of shit faced college kids making out and talking in random costumes.

A few toga kids, witches, the diaper kid...

I walk around until I find the kitchen and grab the first bottle of liquor I see.

It's just about empty, but in terms of shots it's enough to get me loaded for the night.

I tilt the bottle up and start chugging, determined to get out of this place asap.

I hear some people go silent, nothing stopping me though so...

"Whoa whoa there sailor, you don't have to make a statement. If you drink it a little slower you'll still get drunk."

This random girl with black hair holds my arm lightly. I don't really know what she looks like behind her ninja mask.

She kneels down as though she's searching for my face, "Hello? Anyone in there?"

I pull the hood back, getting pissed off by her pestering, "Yeah. Sorry."

She stares me down as though she doesn't know what to do anymore.

I glance over at the bottle and notice that there's no more to drink.

That means that its time to go.

"Well, nice to meet you-"  
>"-Wait! You can't go, why haven't I seen you around here before?"<br>"Oh, I don't know," I roll my eyes, "I'm an exchange student."

I start walking away and she loops her arm around mine, "Oh, cool. I should've guessed that...your voice sounds a little weird."

_"What?"_

"My names Yuffie, what's yours?"  
>I leer down at her, "Axel."<p>

She giggles, "Weird name. Oh yeah, you're an exchange student...sorry! Hey where you going?"  
>As she finally notices that we're on the front porch, I face her.<p>

"I gotta go somewhere." I feel my stomach drop as the bus I was supposed to catch sails on by.  
>She pulls her mask down before she puts her arms around my waist and I nearly freak.<p>

"You're really cute though, don't you want to party here?"

"I gotta go find my boyfriend."

She gasps and it almost makes me want to gasp.

"You're gay?"  
>"Yeah."<br>She looks down, "Ohhhh..."

She sounds too wasted for this chatter.

**-x-**

Dem, Hayner and I finish off the bottle he stole from one of the parties earlier before venturing through the dark woods.

People with glow sticks and flashlights walked back and forth as we close in on the music.

Dem and I clung tight to Hayner's bear suit as we walked through uneven ground inebriated. My vision wobbled back and forth as I felt euphoria reaching the mansion.

"We made it..." I said to the guys. I was mostly excited to be able eat something other than candy. By the look of this place they must have tons of food in the fridge.

Mmmmm...Food I won't be held accountable for eating.

"Hayner!"  
>We hear from ahead and see this panda suit running towards us.<br>"Who is that?"

"Pence? Pence I knew you'd come through!" They wobble up to each other and hug.

"Hey guys. You look good. Very do-able." Pence says through the panda head as he throws his furry thumb up.

"I think that's what I said." Hayner and Pence laugh.

We walk up the path through the double doors. People danced and smoked and partied.

"Come upstairs when you're ready, it's way more chill. You can sit down and relax, you know?" Pence breathes heavily as though he's been running around the place

So...

Then the real drinking begins.

Me Dem and Hayner pony up and start pouring shots down each others throats like it's no one's business.

We polish another bottle off to ourselves in about five minutes.  
>People come and go, making awesome conversation I can't remember for the life of me after they leave.<p>

Time starts moving faster and faster, it's like I can't keep up with myself.

I feel hands rub my shoulder and turn around to see Aerith. She's makes an absolutely stunning angel.

We hug and she says something along the lines of knowing someone.  
>We talk for a while before Dem makes me and Hayner follow him to the dance floor.<p>

So...

We do that for a while, I get hit on a few more times and end up dancing with a few cute guys before Hayner ushers us around to the top floor.

After climbing to the top, my first wave of nausea hits me and I wonder if I'm going to be okay.

I look down into the darkness, seeing only waves of glow sticks and people bouncing to the beat.

I feel so great and so horrible at the same time. The hypnotic sight nearly induced vomiting. I held onto my black horns for dear life.

"Sora, come on."

I'm dizzy as shit. I know where this is going.

We walk through this room and through a door onto a balcony.

I stare over the edge, seeing light from one of the rooms illuminate the dark bushes. I can barely make out what's in the backyard, but I assume it's a pool from all the splashing I hear.

I smell weed in the air, and next thing I know a pipes in my hand.

This is where I start feeling like I should slow down, but I don't. I want to keep on going, this night's just begun.

I take a drag and pass it over, taking the joint I had in my cigarette pack instead.

I light it up and pass it over to Hayner.

"Why aren't you smoking?" I hear Hayner ask Dem.  
>"I'm too...I've had enough to drink. I..."<p>

Their voices phase out and all I can really hear is the music pulsating from downstairs.

I take a long drag off the joint before feeling the need to relocate.

I can't see well, passing the joint to whoever was there to take it before I stumbled inside.

I make it out to the hallway and light a cigarette, the stress of being way to drunk and sick sitting on my shoulders.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around, seeing no one other than Reno. He lacks a costume, wearing nothing but a long sleeved black shirt with his usual slacks. I wonder why he came. Further more, why he's bothering me right now.

"What?"

"Talk to me."

I frown, "What do you want?"  
>He nods over and walks down the hall, opening a door. I walk up, trying to figure out what he wanted from me exactly. As though his eyes tell all, but they never do.<p>

"It's not what you think." He opens, leaning against the door.

I hesitate at first, but figure that I might as well hear him out.

I walk into the room and he closes the door behind us.

Upon turning on the light I realize that it's really just a cramped closet, filled with boxes and board games.

I fidget in my spot as I hold onto the sides of my skirt, slightly embarrassed that I'm dressed as such.

After moments of awkward silence, I look up and see him staring me down.

He's unreadable, instead all I can guess correctly is that he's probably been drinking as much as I have.

He moves in closer and I get nervous, "W-What do you want...?"

"What...do I want?" He whispers. He looks down, eyes going half lidded as his lips are met with a smirk.

He doesn't answer with words.

Instead, he grabs under my ass, picking my thighs up on his hips before slamming my back into the wall behind me. His warm hands hold on tight.

My head slams harder than I think he realizes, and I squeak before his lips cut me off.

I'm as pissed as I am turned on as I am confused.

I entertain his hope that this can go on forever, letting his hot tongue lap the inside of my mouth as I squeezed onto his shoulders. He kisses me down to my neck, nibbling hard before his lips met mine again. The hint of his cologne sends me flying as my toes curled in ecstasy. I hold onto him steadily, softly playing with his pierced ear. My tongue trails his as I wrapped my legs around him tighter and he smirks.

He stops for a second, letting me gaze past the ends of those sharp red bangs into his blue-green eyes. The colors fight for territory, and I become lost in his beauty. But why is he doing this now? I look deeper, and something in me tells me that Reno isn't conscious anymore.

He makes a quick move and reaches his hand under my skirt, running his fingers up and down my embarrassingly hard length through the tights, pushing my head back against my skin with his fingers ever so lightly. I gasp for air, my eyes shifting back and forth as I avoid eye contact with him.  
>"Quite the grown man, aren't we? Feels like you're too big for those panties, huh...?" He groans lowly, his voice deep with lust.<p>

I hear a rip and feel cool air graze me. He starts ripping the tights to shreds as his kisses become more rough.

This is where sheer panic and confusion gets the best of me.

I bite his tongue before pushing him off of me, "What the fuck is your problem Reno?"  
>"What? What are you talking about?" He holds his mouth.<br>"Don't play fucking dumb! You have a lot of nerve!" I say ripping the useless tights off my legs. I feel queasy as the world literally spins again and I hold onto the wall for balance.  
>"Calm down I don't get why you have to get so fucking offended!" He shouts back.<p>

I feel my mouth running but I can't hear the words.  
>I'm telling him off faster than I can tell myself to calm down.<p>

I hear the music much clearer now as the closet doors open. Dem and Hayner say something but we ignore them, bickering back and forth until he says it.

"Stop acting like a fucking bitch and just listen-"  
>"-Fuck you!" I almost roar, and I think I just slapped him.<p>

I open my eyes and see the huge red mark my hand left on his face.

I can't believe it, and I'm left there staring at my hand.

IIII slapped him.

"You know what Sora..." I hear the anger brewing in Reno's voice and I get scared.

I shut my eyes in fear, and the next thing I know, Dem is pulling me away from the scene, downstairs.

By the time I'm out front I'm in tears, black mascara nearly blinding me.

"This is the worst fucking night right now, I'm going home."  
>"But Sora-"<br>"-No no no I'm going home. See you later." I reach for my cigarettes tucked away in my skirts waistband.

"Wha...no no no!"  
>They're gone. Must've dropped when I was in the fucking closet.<p>

I take a few hostile breaths before continuing on.

"Sora, wait for Hayner we'll take you home." Dem calls out one last time.  
>I wave my hands in the air, "No!"<p>

**-x-**

FUCK.

Why didn't Hiro tell me the buses stop running at twelve?

_Ugh...four hours..._

I feel panicky as I skate towards the mansion on a stolen board.

That chick chatted me up for so long, I didn't realize that the bus that had passed the house was the last one for the night.

Now I'm skating on a board I stole from some drunk kid in this stupid fucking costume.

I reach the trail that leads to the mansion but see the amount of officers coming out with kids cuffed.

_No..._

I think about going through the trail to the mansion, but the point was lost.

If cops are in there busting people, chances are that Sora either already got arrested, or left.

Shit, maybe he didn't come to the mansion at all, maybe he went to some guys house...

I look up and feel a few drops hit my face.

_Great. Rain._

My phone buzzes and I hope for Sora.

_"Did you get him?"_

Sai...

_"Nah...I'm gonna start heading home."_

_"Where are you?"_

_"By the edge of town or something. I don't really know."_

_"Find a street name and I'll call a taxi for you."_

I pocket my phone and start walking back into town. The wind starts picking up and I get a little chilly.

I dump the stupid scythe on the side of the road as I walked towards the clock tower.

Two worn benches sat free in the rain outside. The glass to the station had been boarded up. It seemed the only maintenance done here was for the clock.

I sit in the rain, not wanting to go back empty handed.

_Why didn't I stop him on the fucking bus...?_

I guess this is how it's gonna happen.

Maybe this is the way things were supposed to be.

I take out my phone and call Sai.

"Hey, I'm at that clock tower."  
>"Okay..." He yawns, "Ready?"<br>"Yeah."  
>"What happened?"<p>

I sigh, looking out into the streets.

I see this figure approach and stop talking to Sai.

"Hello?" I hear him through the receiver and lower my phone.

"Excuse me, do you know the time?"  
>"Ah..." I stared into his big blue eyes.<p>

"Sora..." I whisper.

"What? What's the time?" He tilts his head slightly, sniffling. His hair was no longer done up, it layed wet against his cold cheeks. It looks as though he washed most of the makeup off, the only remnants remaining around his eyes. His horns hung on his head crookedly. He didn't look affected by the weather, standing gracefully tall ahead of me.

"Sora...!" I stand up, startling him.

I pull the hood back, "It's me."  
>"Axel...?"<p>

I keep my distance, in case he objects my presence. "Yeah."

He doesn't look as happy as he did on the bus, I hear the sadness ring in his voice.

We stand in front of each other. The rain doesn't seem to cool me down as I feel my palms begin to sweat.

"Are you okay Sora...?" I ask concerned, my heart beating out of my chest.

He shakes his head, "No!"

He begins to sob, rubbing his eyes so hard that they probably hurt.

He throws his arms around me, nuzzling his head into my neck, "Axel..."

He cried on my shoulder as I held him tight, "I know I know...I'm sorry Sora. I'm so fucking sorry. I've missed you."

I smell him...and he smell so good.

His hugs...they feel so warm.

His breath...

Sora.

**-x-**

We walked hand in hand towards the tower silently. His grip is so tight, I can only imagine what went wrong from the time I saw him on the bus til now.

We circle it, finding the unsecured entrance and climb the stairs to the top.

Before us layed the city, far and wide under the dark clouds.

We sit on the ledge, our legs dangling over the world.

"What happened to your shoes?"  
>He kicks up his leg and shrugs.<p>

"Crazy night?" I ask him.

He looked exhausted.

He nods with a sad smile.

The rain has done away with his black hair, again only remnants running off the ends.

I decide that it's not time to beat around the bushes.

"Look, I'm sorry. I...I was stupid...God."

I chuckle, "You have no idea how much I've been thinking about you ever since you left."  
>"Why are you here...?" He asks quietly.<br>"Sai knows a guy, I came along so I could talk to you." Partial truth.

Truth?

"I miss you."  
>"Hm." He doesn't buy it, looking away.<br>"Look at me."  
>He rolls his eyes over.<p>

"I'm not lying. I've been looking for you all day. I...I saw you on the bus."  
>I swallow, "You were so damn beautiful, I guess I got scared and just watched you from the back..."<p>

I feel my jaw lock up and I'm too scared to say anymore.

I don't need to, instead Sora holds my face before pressing his lips to mine lightly.

I melt into his hands, pressing forward for more. I missed him so...

His scent, his skin, his saliva...all of him.

He pushes me on my back, straddling my waist as we caressed each other.

I wrap my arms around his sleek little waist and throw him under me. He holds onto the cloak tight as I suck on his neck.

My hands grip the cold pavement of the tower until I had to...

I reach my hand up his red skirt and lightly rub his thighs.

I look up his way, seeing if I was getting the okay.

He nods shyly, his face red and his breathing heavy.

His brown locks covered his eyes for the most part.

"You okay?"

"Yeah..."

I nip at his lips, hearing the tiniest of moans escape him.

His tongue thrusts deeper as I go higher, and I feel lace.

"...Are you...wearing panties?"

I feel myself begging to be let loose, begging to be touched as he sat between my legs. I held onto his waist, thrusting as my lust got the best of me.

"Maybe...!" He looks down innocently, biting his hand.

I smile, "You don't have to be shy."

I push up his skirt.  
>"Axel...I-I'm not-"<br>"-Shh..."

I look away from his cherry red face and down.

I'm...

Impressed, as the head of his length helplessly pops out from the top of his waistband.

Also slightly taken back...realizing that he tops me by about an inch...

"What is it? Why are you staring? Is there something wrong with it?"  
>"No! No no no I just...I didn't expect that."<br>"Didn't expect _what?"_

"Do I have to spell it out for you? You're hung...that's all."  
>He blushes wildly, pushing his skirt down before looking away.<p>

"I need you to talk to me...Axel." I hear sadness ring in his voice again.

_Nice going._

"I'm sorry, is it what I said? I'm stupid, I'm sorry."  
>"No, it's not that at all it's just...I've been thinking."<p>

"What's...on your mind?" I sit up slowly.

He fiddles with his skirt, glancing at me here and there.

"Sora, what is it?"

"You...Did you...ever have sex with Larxene after I left?"  
>I shake my head, answering immediately, "No. Not once. I didn't touch her at all after..."<br>He looks away.

"How fast were you able to move on...?"  
>"What do you mean?"<p>

His eyes dart over to mine, as though he knows everything.

"Did you ever get a new girlfriend? Did you ever move on?"  
>I breathe out.<p>

"I didn't date anyone...but I...I..."  
>I look down and can already see where this is going.<p>

"I fucked around with this girl for a while."  
>"Fucked around...?"<p>

I killed it.

"I slept with her. It...wasn't because I wanted to...We were at a strip club and she...well, works there. It was strictly business after the first time."

"Strictly business...? First time...?"  
>He stares at me for an explanation I wasn't planning on. I see the light leave his eyes and I know it's over.<p>

I fucking killed it.

I don't want to tell him about everything I've been up to.

I don't know what the fuck to say.

"I'm sorry."


	23. Chapter 23

I stumble back to my dorm now.

I can't deal with this anymore. Fuck men.

Fuck everyone.

I walk past my car, seeing words on the trunk from afar. Closer inspection reads the word _FAGGOT. _The rain seemed to have little effect on it, unless someone wrote it after the small rain storm.

I take a few seconds to stare before going upstairs.

I open the door and see Dem and Hayner sitting on the floor.

I ignore their questions, grabbing a towel and soap before heading to the showers.

The lights flicker on and I choose the stall at the far end.

I drop my clothes on the floor and scrub myself profusely for over an hour, biting my lips shut every time I want to cry.

Why do I always regret ever allowing myself to get close to another man?

Nothing good has ever come from me coming out of the closet.

Just some bullshit baggage. I should've stayed straight. I should've pushed myself harder.

I told Axel I had to leave.

That it was me, not him.

Because it is...I doubt he even believes me.

**-x-**

The morning rings in hush. The room is empty, and a note sticks to my forehead.

I take it off.

_Sora-_

_Dem and I went out to lunch. We would've_

_woken you up, but we figured you'd want to sleep in_

_after last night. I'll bring you back something nice. I also took your phone out of the rice and disinfected it. Candy's in the closet on the table. Help yourself._

_-Hayner_

I look over the mass of missed calls and text messages. I was able to call my mom on Hayner's phone way before I was too wasted, so at least I don't feel guilty about that. She can't wait to see pictures of me, and even talked to Dem and Hayner for a while about god knows what.

I brush my teeth and get dressed, ready to head over to the school's health clinic.

My phone rings, Axel.

Part of me wants to pretend that I'm still sleeping, but I want to settle things.

Maybe...I can tell him what's really on my mind?

"Hey." I say over the receiver. I try to shake off my anxiety by moving around.

"Hey..."

"Did you make it back home alright?"

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you the same."  
>"Yeah."<p>

I move to the closet and sit up against the door.

"Look...I'm sorry."  
>"You don't have to be."<p>

"No...I do. I did a lot of stupid shit I shouldn't have...and the last thing I want to do is hurt you again."  
>I sigh.<p>

"I know you want the truth so..." He takes a while before speaking again.  
>"Okay, I just ended up sleeping with this chick who...happened to be a stripper. I was really high out of my mind so..."<br>"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" It's surprising how much shit Axel seemed to get into in such a short amount of time. The image of him fucking a stripper, out of all people, doesn't make me feel good.

It makes me sick...

He sighs heavily over the phone, "Hold on."  
>He sets the phone down for a few moments and I wait.<p>

"Okay...I was helping Sai do a few things one night and we went to this strip club. He told me that this girl was a...a really good friend of his and we ended up messing around. In the morning, I switched out our bags of coke because she had some really good stuff compared to mine...I was hung over, not thinking... She found out eventually and basically blackmailed me into fucking her for a while."

"Axel?"  
>"What?"<br>"What were you helping your friend with?"

"I...can't tell you right now."

_"Oookay...?_ Why were you so obligated to fuck her?"

"Because...I...I can't say."

I grunt over the phone, "Okay then,_ why the fuck are you calling me?_"

"Because I fucking miss you is that so hard to tell?" He nearly shouts back.

"Did you use protection?"  
>It's all that really matters.<p>

"What? Yeah. Yes Sora, every fucking time. I don't know why-"

"-Why can't you tell me anything else?" I push on, irritated.

He grumbles, "I can't fucking tell you everything over the phone, I just can't. If you had stuck around last night I would've been able to. Look, all you need to know is that, yeah, I had a fling with this chick and fucked her for a while. I was safe, I didn't touch anyone else even though I had the chance and I want to make up with you. I'm done with everyone else _except _you."

"So what? I'm supposed to feel better even though you won't tell me half of the shit that was going on?"  
>""Oh <em>come on Sora.<em> I told you, next time we meet I'll tell you whatever you want to know. I'm doing this for our own good."

"I think you're a liar. The only thing believable is that you'd fuck a dirty stripper..."

"I used-"

"-I don't care. And I really don't want to talk to you right now."  
>He sighs, "Sora don't do this..."<br>"Bye."  
>"Fine. Bye."<p>

**-x-**

Click.

I'm starting to lose my mind.

He was so close...

"Do you think, maybe, just maybe, that you should've gotten off the phone _before _you took that line?"  
>I lick the mirror clean of all residue before tossing it aside on the desk.<br>I turn to Hiro, "I don't think he believes anything I'm saying. But what I've said so far is the truth. I mean, what can I say? I'm dealing with some heavy shit, the last thing I want is to have it bite me in the ass. Sai'd kill me."

"Oh Ax, if only you could hear yourself. I mean _really _hear yourself."  
>"He's giving me such a hard time it's fucking stupid. I told him I used a condom and he says <em>'the only thing believable is that you'd fuck a dirty stripper.'<em> I wasn't bringing up the guy he so happily spent time with while ignoring my calls. Big fucking mistake I made going all the way down there."  
>"First off, you're still kinda lying to him. Second, she <em>was <em>a dirty fucking stripper. Eighty percent of strippers are dirty. Third, he probably didn't sleep with anyone. He's _probably _just as lonely as you if not more. _Probably, _don't quote me on that."

I look down, rubbing my eyes,"So what am I supposed to do?"

Hiro shakes his head, sighing.  
>I sit silently at the desk, depression weighing in.<p>

All the mistakes I keep making...

"You really wanna know what to do?"  
>"Yeah. No shit."<br>"Call Roxas."

"Roxas? Why Roxas?"  
>"You can either fucking tell Roxas what you told Sora and find out, or not. Dip."<p>

I question the validity of Hiro's advice, but it's better than nothing right now.

I call his number and he doesn't answer at first.

"Hello?"  
>"Hey, yeah. It's Axel."<br>"What's up...?" He yawns. It bothers me how much him and Sora sound a like.

"So..." I scratch the back of my head anxiously, wondering what I should say first.

I look to Hiro nervously, and he nods.

"...I was talking to your brother, Sora. I told him what I was up to when we weren't together and he got super pissed. I want to make up with him, but I don't know what I did. I...don't know how to."  
>"<em>Oookay.<em>..What did you do exactly?"

I stand up and move out of the room.  
>"I've been up to a lot of shit with Saix, and I can't say shit over the phone because of...you know, privacy concerns. I told him I'd be honest with him and tell him everything the next time we meet-"<br>"-But what did you _say?"_

"I told him that I was fucking around with a stripper. I don't think he believes me when I said I used protection."

"...Wait...you what? No no no Axel you _idiot._"  
>"What'd I do?"<p>

I hear him sigh over the receiver, "Why should I tell you? I don't want to flap my mouth at a guy who's just gonna break my brother's heart."

"...He likes me that much?"  
>"Uh, no fucking shit. But you're just a fuck up and it obviously fucking hurts him that he's into a fuck up."<p>

_Ouch..._

"Roxas...seriously that's not what I want to do. I made mistakes and I'm not happy without Sora. I _need _to be able to talk to him again. I mean, I fucking stalked him on Halloween. I want to make up."

"You did?"  
>"Yes."<p>

He sighs again, "I don't know..."  
>"Please?"<br>"You actually want to go out with him again? No fucking around? Because I'm more than willing to ruin your fucking reputation if you have any weird intentions. He's dealt with enough this past year."

"Yes Roxas. I won't be fucking around at all past this point. I swear."

"I mean it. I'll make it so that he'll never want to see your fucking face again. And I'll make sure of it that he moves on and never looks back if you fuck him over. Riku is still a viable option you know."

I breathe in, ready to cuss him the fuck out and then I remember that he's Sora's little brother. I can't get away with anything when it comes to him.

I squeeze my fists, "Please don't Roxas. I swear."

"...He's been through...therapy. Look, I can't talk about it over the phone, so I'll see you soon."

**-x-**

I stare out the window at the trunk of my car.

The word _FAGGOT _a blatant reminder of how much of a failure I am.

I don't even want to think about what Reno's put me through...

Maybe Hayner's right. Maybe he's psycho. What with being a Turk, he probably has no soul.

I head into one of my drawers and take two Vicodin out.

After crushing them to dust, I dissolve half of the powder in orange juice while letting the other half dissolve under my tongue.

Wild, I know. The taste gets a little more bearable each time.

I'm running low though.

And...

When I think of it...I get nervous. Vicodin highs are so much better in so many ways.

The lightness I feel.

The euphoria. That feeling...It beats everything.

My problems float away and I feel just so comfortable and cozy where I am.

With who I am...

Where am I gonna get more from? I could probably ask Roxas at anytime, but that's only good for when I'm at Destiny. Maybe Hayner knows...

No...I can't let him in on what I've been doing. Hayner's the kind of guy who'd be cool with it. I mean, him and Roxas used to do shit like this every night at one point.

But it still wouldn't feel right. I'm like the new kid to the scene. Especially after bashing them all those years over the drinking and drugs...I feel like a horrible hypocrite. It'd just be...weird.

After ten minutes of pondering I wash the chalky residue down with the orange juice. Outside the window, I stare at the trunk of my car, the word _FAGGOT _just barely dripping off. People walked by, awkwardly looking around, some laughing. I push the things aside on the desk and sit down for a while, staring at the people who walked by.

By now I get the feeling that Seifer's the one responsible, but who's to say for sure?

Yeah, it bothers me...but I've been taught better than to let a few words from hidden strangers rattle me up.

Because, I mean, I'm not gay.

I _can't _be gay.

This'll all just go away and I'll become one of the normal guys. This whole gay shit is just a joke...

A mistake.

They wouldn't just lie to me...

_Sora shut up!_

I physically jolt up, shaking my head. What am I thinking? I'm fine.

_I-I'm okay. Who I am...is okay.  
>Nothing's gonna change that.<em>

Rain starts heavily falling and students scramble for cover. I watch the word off my trunk bleed off with ease.

Little relief hits me as I lift my heavy body up from the desk.

I sit on the bed. Once the drug voids me of my emotions it begins refilling me with something much better.

I hear a knock at the door.

Instead of getting up, I just stare off at the wall, Hayner's pictures and drawings clouding his wall.

I feel good right now, not even the knocking makes me feel out of place.

I lean back, wondering who is so devoted to seeing me after I leave them knocking for five minutes.

I sigh, "Coming..."  
>I shuffle to the door and open it up.<p>

Reno turns around, a big smile on his face like nothing ever happened.

"Aye-"  
>"-Nooooo. No no no." I slam the door with one swift movement before shuffling back to bed. I crawl under the blankets and wrap myself in a cocoon.<p>

I'm a little frightened.

Mostly embarrassed and confused.

I don't remember much last night from the point I went upstairs in the mansion, but I do remember losing my cool on him.

Maybe Reno wrote the word faggot on my car. Who knows? I don't. And I don't want to find out either.

"Sora...Talk to me please?"  
>"Why?"<p>

"Because... Look I'm not gonna talk through a door. Just let me in please?" He strains.

"I'm cold."  
>"That's funny, I'm not." I say.<p>

"If you don't let me in, I'll invite myself in."

…..

"What?"  
>"<em>You heard me<em>." He snaps back.

I sit up and wobble to the door, leaning my body up against the door in my cocoon.

"_Fuck you..._" I sneer.

"Don't test me."

"_Don't test me_."I mock as I brace my feet on the floor.

Even if he unlocks the door, it's gonna take a little more to move me. I'm not that fucking small, especially compared to him.

...Kinda. But still.

"Ha...Ahaha...hahaha..." I hear his laughter fade away.

Silence.

The door knob jiggles.

Nothing.

BOOM. I fly to the floor, cocoon and all as the door is pushed open.

The cocoon and clothes break my fall, but I'm still pretty surprised.

"What the _hell _Reno...?"  
>"You were warned. Nice place." He looks around the room before kicking the door shut. "Let's talk."<p>

I pull myself onto the bed and curl up, "What do you want?"

My heart beats rapidly, I don't know what to expect next.

His red bangs drip water onto the floor as he sits down on Hayner's bed. He smiles, whipping his ponytail around before ringing it on the floor. I watch him timidly, wondering what wild things he had to say next.

His white long sleeved shirt is soaked along with his pants. I try not to stare at the droplets streaking down his sculpted neck to his chest, his shirt slightly see through after all the rain.

"How've you been?" He asks.

I shrug. He senses my sadness, frowning.

"I'm sorry Reno."

A bewildered look crosses his face, "Wh-What?"

"I don't remember much of what I did last night, or what I said. But I remember I hit you. So...I'm sorry."  
>"You don't remember much except that?"<p>

I blush, taken back to how our lips were locked as I squeezed him closer with my legs. I recall the way he looked at me and bite my bottom lip.  
>I shake my head.<p>

"Well let me fill you in...After we went in the closet we made out for little before you bit my tongue, and then you slapped me after I said something...I don't really remember what I said...but I'm sure it was offensive. After everything, I understand why you lashed out...I was being a jerk. I tried to say sorry the wrong way, I guess."

He rests back on his elbows, making eye contact with me.

"I don't get you Reno, one moment you're kissing me and the next you're renouncing your attraction towards men...then the moment after that you're all over me again...What's with you? Don't you see that kind of stuff hurts? And I'm a virgin...trying to get in my pants isn't the best way to apologize to me. I'm not a game...at least I don't think I am." I don't try to sugar coat my hurt, honesty feels like the best policy right now.

"You're not. I-I just kissed you...because I couldn't find the right words to say. I'm sorry Sora, I wasn't raised a barbarian..." He sits forward, and I see the remorse in his eyes. He looks out the window, petting his hair obsessively before he speaks again.

"Look...A few weeks ago, at the park when I told you I wasn't into you...I only did that because I didn't want to make anymore attachments..."  
>"Attachments...?"<p>

He frowns, linking his fingers together, "You know...attachments. I don't like getting hurt just as much as the next guy...and I don't like hurting people either. I told you that stuff because..."

He breathes deep, the worry in his face showing as he rubbed the back of his neck rigorously.

"Where I work, we don't usually have friends, or flings, or anything outside of work. And if I was to make a connection _at_ work it just hurts more when I find out that they're a traitor or that they died or that I'm getting transferred...you know. I mean, I have to spend my life questioning every fucking person who walks into it, and the benefits usually never outweighs the risk. Sora, you are literally the second person I've kissed who actually knows that there's more to me than just my name. I started liking you more than I could actually handle so I flipped out and decided to backtrack. I just sorta hoped you'd see through all my bullshit and call me out on it when I couldn't do it for myself."

"So...why'd you decide to bother me again?"

He smiles, "Me and Leon got to talking, I told him everything I told you that night and he got super pissed off. I knew I was the douche, and that you didn't deserve to be left off after what I told you, but he just confirmed it. He told me that I was going to fix things one way or another. Everyone did. Aaand they called me out on it, every fucking night until Halloween, where I decided I'd tell you the truth. Especially after a few drinks. _Especially _after seeing you walking around. Although...I didn't _tell _you anything with words...I guess I thought that tonguing you would be enough to get the point across. I'm...bad with normal relations."

He lays back on the bed, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, "Ugh...Wow. Well that was new. Please forgive me."  
>"You really feel that way?" I ask quietly.<br>"Yeah."  
>"Wow Reno..."<p>

There's still so much about you...would it be worth it?

"I...I want to believe you. I want to forgive you."

"But?"  
>"I don't know..."<p>

"It was just me, I was going through this phase and now I'm over it. I mean, I didn't think you'd buy it in the first place after our first kiss. Don't you remember? Being on the ground, under me...? I wanted you to question me, show a little resistance._ That's_ what I wanted."

And Hayner was right.

He's insane.

"Okay, I'll forgive you."

Everything I've come to know, is wrong. He sits up, smiling.

"I mean, come on Sora. Get your marbles in check. One plus two equals three." He taps his head.

I frown.  
>"Don't turn this on me I'm not a psychic." I flop on my back.<p>

"So, do you _really_ forgive me?"  
>"I don't know, <em>do I<em> Reno?"

"Sora..." He whines crawling over.

I roll my eyes.

He climbs the bed slowly, mounting me as I layed still, my hands stuck to my sides in my cocoon now.

"You're wet." I say nervously.

"And?"

He leans down, touching the tip of his nose to mine. He scans my eyes before smiling.

"Hmm..."  
>I shift, "What?"<br>"Yeah, I can see it. You're high."

He stares me down, making me increasingly uncomfortable.

"You don't do that every day do you?" He begins messing with the random crap on my bookcase above my head.  
>"What? What are you talking about?" I attempt to deny it, but he shakes his head.<p>

He raises his brows, looking over my polaroids from Halloween, "Yeah yeah. You're fucking starting to nod off dopey."  
>"...No. I'm almost out. It was a gift anyways." I collect my excuses.<br>"You're tolerance is gonna get the best of you if your wallet doesn't."  
>"Reno don't you have somewhere to be? From what I hear you have a semi-exciting life."<br>"Everything you've ever known about me was a lie..." He smiles as he starts opening random boxes of mine.

"Yeah, you can say that again...Stop looking through my shit." I get annoyed, shoving him off my lap.

He props himself up on his elbows, "It's only the truth."  
>"Oh, is that a <em>lie?<em>" I roll my eyes.

"Aw, don't be mad." He licks his lips, pushing the wet wisps of his bangs back, his legs spread on each side of me.

I stare unflinching.

I look mad, but I'm more aroused than anything.

I smell the cigarettes off him and remember that I lost mine.  
>"Give me two cigarettes."<br>"Why?"  
>"I lost my pack because you wanted to slam me up against the wall and rip my shit up. All the drunk chicks at the party probably picked them up like pigeons."<p>

He blushes before sitting up, "I was drinking. And you were kind of asking for it..."

He slips a pack out from his pocket throws two at my face.

"Thank you."

"What were you talking about earlier...the whole 'faggot' thing...?" He asks.

"Oh, someone wrote that shit on the trunk of my car while I was out last night."  
>"That's messed up."<br>"Yeah."  
>"What are you gonna do about it?"<br>"I don't know. Nothing I guess, since it washed off."

He looks concerned, "You better be careful Sora."  
>"Why?"<p>

"Nothing good ever came out of a hidden homophobic douche on school campus."  
>"Ah, you're just paranoid."<br>"Think so? I don't know, maybe I'm watching too much of the news." He perches himself up on his elbows, playing with the strands of my bangs.

I chuckle, "Yeah. I haven't made any enemies...I think."

**-x-**

Roxas sits on the couch next to me, fidgety, irritated and obviously tired.

He scratches his hand, staring at the t.v hard. His eyes fall to the ground every now and then. I've been sitting with him for almost an hour now just waiting for him to speak up.

"What've you been up to?" He asks quietly.

I tell him bits and pieces of the truth, lamenting the fact that I've only been with one other person after Sora left.

He's troubled, looking between the t.v and the door as though he's about to bolt. But instead, he leans back and rubs his forehead.

"You ever seen what they do to kids when they don't want 'em to be gay?" He breaks. He leans forward, his hands shaking slightly as he tilts the glass of water up. After taking a sip he sets it back down on the table.

"N-No...?" I wasn't sure if it was a serious question or not. He sits up on the couch and holds his hands out.  
>"Okay, well, if I tell you this, you cannot <em>ever<em> say a fucking word of it to anyone. Not Kairi, not Namine, not even our fucking mom."

"I won't."

He breathes, nodding slightly as he relaxes.

"My dad sent him away to _'camp' _when he was eleven. Just before the school year ended, Riku was pushing his ass around left and right, bullying the shit out of Sora. I mean, he came home late one day crying because they had to pry him out of a busted locker. In the grown up world, word was getting around that Sora was a sissy, gay I guess. Donny would hit him ten times harder because of it too, probably hoping that he'd knock the gay out of him one day. Well, the first week into summer he comes into our room and says to Sora, _'You're goin' to camp this summer. Pack your shit and get downstairs.' _I asked dad where he was going...all he said was camp, and that I shouldn't worry about it. That I was a _'good boy'._ I didn't ask about it anymore, and Sora was more than happy to get away from dad. So mom and I just said bye. When he came back three months later...he was different. I mean..."

Roxas shakes his head, "He wasn't Sora anymore. He was just an _asshole. _He cussed out mom, teachers, anyone. He stopped doing what my dad considered 'girly' things like cleaning and cooking and would just do other random unproductive shit. He ran away with Kairi and Riku once before and almost died in the fucking sea. Mom would say how we're just growing up, so I didn't really think about it. I did the same stuff too, so it was whatever..."

"He's ran away?"  
>Roxas raises his brows, "Chyeah, made a fucking boat and everything...Him and Riku had a serious love-hate relationship. They were best friends one second then hated each other the next. Throw Kairi in and it was just a huge fucking mess. Sora started fighting Riku back after camp, so Riku started laying off a lot more. But Riku wanted to be top fucking dog so he'd assert his dominance every now and then..."<p>

He wistfully chuckles, "But one day during recess, Riku went to far. I don't remember what he said, but it was something along the lines of Sora's dad being a deadbeat. It didn't help that we were fucking having asthma attacks back and forth the night before because my dad left the basement door open. We were fucking choking for air all night and barely slept. Kairi and I tried telling him to shut up, but that wouldn't have mattered. Sora puts on his gloves, takes a good few steps back before he runs and tackles him to the ground and starts wailing on him with both fists. He was hitting him so hard we could hear the smacks against Riku's cheeks. Riku's head was just snapping back and forth from the force of it. Everyone thought it was funny circled around screaming '_fight fight' _when Kairi and I were just standing there scared shitless. Sora _never_ hits anyone first. Never..."

Roxas crosses his arms, taking a few moments.

"It was all a joke until Riku started bleeding. Sora wouldn't stop, and no other kid was brave enough to touch him. I didn't even want to and he's my fucking brother. Once the teachers came, it was over. Riku had blood dripping from his nose and mouth down to his clothes. They were both covered in it. Sora didn't feel bad, he told them what happened. The cops came and took him home."

"...Wh-What? He beat Riku up?"

"Yeah he did. That's why he always let Riku walk all over him when they started dating, because he felt guilty."

_...Sora? _

"Later on that night my mom scolded him, my dad congratulated him. Sora was suspended, forced to do community service because the cops got involved, had to apologize to Riku and his parents, and also had to go to anger management for a whole year. I asked him why he did it, all he could say was that Riku asked for it. I pushed him more and he finally said it, he says 'I'm not a fucking faggot. I'm normal okay?'. And I go, 'Faggot? What do you mean? What does that have to do with Riku? Or anything? You were always normal'. Then I thought of the camp. I knew... I ask him, 'Sora, are you...gay?' And he slams me against the door tells me to shut the fuck up. I ask him, what'd they do to you? He...I remember being so shocked, I literally had nothing to say to him. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to tell him so bad that it was okay. I wanted to hold him tight, and never let go...but at that point in time he was so...so mean. So fucking aggressive, any attack on his preteen masculinity garnered a fucking beat down. I didn't want to be on the receiving end, no one did after that. All he said after explaining everything was that it's okay now. Everything's...okay. So I shut up. For the rest of the year he spent time getting up and personal with Kairi, and I still was mind-fucked beyond comprehension. If it wasn't for Kairi telling him the cold hard truth, who knows what would've happened to him. He would've turned out horrible. She snapped him out of his whole 'heterosexual' dreams when he let her get close enough, he and Riku eventually started getting close again and the rest is history...sort of."

I was starting to see the whole picture, but Roxas left out one important detail.

"What'd they do to him?"

Roxas shakes his head, rubbing his face.

"I don't know if I..." He sighs.  
>"They'd...made him watch gay porn before making him drink ipecac. He'd be puking for hours before they'd send him off to bed with no food. Electroshock and sticking needles in his hands whenever they determined he was aroused by men...They'd hold fight nights twice a week, to measure how 'straight' the kids have gotten and invite girls from the camp over for dances and 'heavy petting'. He thought...you know, survival of the fittest. Either I get good at being straight or they'll fucking kill me. I mean these fuckin' people had the nerve to tell him that the reason he was gay was because of the un-returned love he had for his dad. That because his dad wasn't in his life, he gave that love that was meant for his father towards men. Convinced him to turn any unnatural feelings he had for boys around. Told him to beat the shit out of whoever he crushes upon (Riku) so that he wouldn't have anyway to connect with them. He was able to get over that shit, or maybe internalize them, but he never got over his STD scare. They made him watch video after video of gay sex paired next to videos of std's and people dying of aids, and told him that no matter what he did he would die of AIDS if he ever decided to act out his urges with another male...Since then, he's got it in his head that he's gotta get tested every month, even if he's a virgin. Sometimes when he's really stressed out he'll go every few days, lie about having sexual encounters with random strangers just so they'd test him again. The only reason he IS a virgin is because of what they did to him at camp. He can't do it, he tells me he is physically incapable of giving or receiving that love, as much as his heart wants to. He didn't stay a virgin just because. He'll only turn his anger out on my dad nowadays, because he's the one who put him through that shit and he's still around. He'll be just as pissed at my mom too, for not giving two shits about his life but he'll never tell her what happened."<p>

"But...she's his mom."  
>Roxas snorts, "<em>Mom. <em>Parent's...parents are over-rated. They're in love with each other, not their by-products..."

I wish I could argue with that, but my mom doesn't give me a reason to.  
>He shakes his head, his small smile fading away as he thinks about it.<p>

His lip quivers as he bites down hard. He closes his eyes, taking a few breaths. Roxas sighs, taking another sip of water before standing up.

"Excuse me."  
>"Where are you going-"<br>"-I shouldn't have told you so much. I don't know if you're the right guy for him. Sorry."  
>"Roxas don't do this." I grab his arm and he whips back angered.<p>

I let go, "Sorry. I just...I didn't know any of this. This is a lot to take in...I...I understand why he's always so hesitant now..."  
>My heart sinks into a deeper depression. I'm such a dick.<p>

I need to make things right now.

"You sleeping with a stripper just killed it Ax. You understand why he's so pissed at you now? Huh? He doesn't want you. You probably scared the shit out of him. He's probably getting tested as we speak because of you."

"How do you know that for sure?"

He stares me down.

"Look, what can I do? I _need _to make this better. You don't get it-"  
>"-You're the one who's been digging your goddamn grave this whole time. Why should I help you when every chance you get you end up fucking up huh?" He spouts, balling his fists.<p>

"Sora doesn't need guys like you, he needs love and help. A man who'll actually make him feel good about himself. All you're in for is a good fucking time...!" His face gets redder and redder as his breathing speeds.

"Roxas calm down-"  
>"-He doesn't need you. Go find...someone else's brother...to...ugh!" He runs out of breath, sitting down on the couch before pulling out an inhaler.<p>

He takes two puffs before burying his head in his lap.

I could be mad...but who would I be?

I didn't get the whole story...but now that I have it, I don't have a right to be so...

So insensitive.

"I understand where you're coming from."  
>"No you don't! Sora liked you. He liked you a lot and you just shit on him..."<br>"If I get another chance..."  
>He laughs, "Right. Because he's filled with chances right?"<br>"Roxas I know where you're coming from I have a fucking brother too you know!" I snap back.

He looks up, surprised.

I sit next to him, "I wouldn't let anyone near my brother if that happened to him. I know how you feel, and I don't blame you. I'm not telling you to change the way you think of me. But trust me when I say that all I want to do is be on your brother's good side again, even if we never date again."

I take out my cell phone.

"What are you doing?"  
>I scroll down to my current most prized possession.<p>

That flawless photo of Sora.

I stare deep into his eyes before showing him the picture, "I carry it around every where I go."  
>"Obviously, it's your phone."<br>"The photo in it. After all the bullshit I said I still insisted on keeping his photo. I look at it every day, and no matter what I'm thinking it still falls back on Sora. What he's doing, what he's saying...I kinda can't get over him. And I tried. Even my best friend knows this, and he usually doesn't pay that much attention to give a shit. I slept with that stripper_ because_ she looked like Sora—that's how much I missed him. I made her lay face down-"

"-Okay okay I've heard eno-"

Nope, you need to know this. Important.

"-While fucking her, just so I could fantasize about him. I'm over that shit and I'm done. I need your help to make things right."

Roxas shakes his head, "No."

"If you won't do it for me, do it for Sora."

He bites his thumb, thinking for the longest ten minutes in the world.

"You've got yourself a deal."  
>I smile, "Really?"<br>"Yeah. Get your shit on and find a ride. I hope you're ready to get tested."

**-x-**

"Reno?"  
>"Yeah?"<p>

We layed together, not exactly talking, but unwinding. I played lightly with his hair, starting lazy braids before unraveling them.

"You aren't just nice to me because of Leon, are you?"

He lays next to me, "No. I don't think I've been nice to you at all in fact."

"You're right, you haven't. I think you're just playing me like a game."  
>"Oh? How so?"<br>"Pff...I don't know. You just are."

I've been nodding off profusely, letting the high and the presence of Reno pull me around euphoria land. I could care less about nodding off, with how good I'm feeling.

He rolls on top of me and I snap my eyes open. He's frowning.

"Stubborn goat."  
>"Hey!"<p>

He runs his fingers through my hair, yanking my head back lightly by the strands.

"You...play on my very last nerves. I've taken a liking to you. What exactly is it that you want from me...?"

"What do you mean?"

I feel him put all his weight on me as his lips came centimeters away from mine. The brush of his hot breathe combined with his weight on my growing hard on had me breathless in seconds. I felt light, extremely sensitive to any movement, any touch. I try not to let myself give in but my dick only becomes harder.

"R-Reno you're-"  
>"-I know." He grins devilishly. I look away, embarrassed as I try to slow my breathing.<p>

"You're too delicate, like a flower. I almost envy your innocence. I have a strict no dating policy, but maybe one day you'll be able to answer my question."

"Hmph. _Are you trying to turn me on by insulting me...?_" I ask under my breath.

He blinks before sitting up, not budging from my pelvis.

"Me? Haha! Well is it working?"

I get angrier, but he cuts me off before I could cuss at him.

"You would _know _if I was really trying to turn you on." He grins.

I blush, looking away as he climbs off of me.

"Would I?"

_It feels like you're trying now..._

He chuckles, "Yes, you would."

"So the next time I see you you're not gonna go off on me and tell me you hate me, right?"  
>He rolls his eyes, "Right. I'll see ya next year."<br>"What do you mean next year?"  
>"Got shit to do. Like work."<p>

"Work won't take you that long...will it?"  
>"You never know."<p>

"What is _work _to you exactly? What do you do at work?"

He lightens up, "I thought you'd never ask."

"...Well?"  
>"I fly helicopters and provide security."<br>"You're shitting me, right?"

"I'll tell you the rest when I deem fit. Believe what you want until then."  
>"You're an asshole."<p>

He grins, "And you're a stubborn little goat. Later cupcake." He winks as he opens the door.  
>"Bye."<p>

After he's gone I struggle to stay awake. I head down to the common area and grab myself a cup of coffee before heading out to the school's clinic. I feel more nauseous than usual on the count of being hung over, but I ignore it.

In the clinic, I fidget in my seat as I try to fill out paperwork. I get heat flashes every now and then, having to wipe the sweat off my forehead profusely. After handing in the paperwork, I head to the bathroom and take a stall. I hear a lighter flicking in the stall next to me before a bit of ominous smoke floats up. I ignore it, more concerned with my own well fare than some guy smoking in the stall next to me. I lean up against the wall staring at the bathroom tiles, wondering if I'm going to puke or just feel this miserable all day.

A few more seconds pass, and I have another heat flash. I hold onto the wall as my vision starts to go black, fighting back with every inch.

After a few more seconds, I puke up all the coffee I drank this morning.

Spit. Flush.  
>Head out and wash my hands before rinsing my mouth.<p>

Some other kid comes out of another stall and starts washing his hands.

"Sounds like your sick." He says plainly.

"Oh, uh, yeah."  
>After he washes his hands, he leans up against the counter, making me look at him.<p>

His hair is...what a fucking coincidence. Red.

His eyes dark brown.

"What kind of sick, if you don't mind me asking?"  
>"What?" I start getting weirded out by his strange questions.<p>

I consider ignoring him.  
>"I only ask because I probably have the medicine you're looking for..."<p>

_Vicodin!_

"I get where you're driving at. I'm actually sick from what I took."  
>"Oh?"<br>"Vicodin. And I'm hung over so..."

He reaches in his back and pulls out an anti-motion sickness pill bottle. He pours two in my hand, "You should take some of these before you take them next time. Your local drugstore is your friend."

"Oh. Thanks."  
>He pulls a small folded up card, "In case you're ever in need. I sell better stuff than that."<p>

I unfold it as he walks out of the bathroom.

_Sasori..._

Dude gave me his number.

I walk back out and it isn't long before I'm called up.

**-x-**

Hour after hour goes by as Sai shuttles us around clinic to clinic. I've had more dried q-tips stuck in places they shouldn't be than I'd like to admit.

But it's for Sora.

"_You may not think it now, but I care a lot about you. I'm going to prove it to you soon...I hope you'd like to talk to me later, because I still want to make up."_

I put my phone away as Roxas hops out of the car, "Let's go."  
>"How many more clinics?"<p>

My blood has been draining all day, I feel dizzy.

"Only three more to go. And then you can rest until next week. Here, have a cookie."  
>"What? What do you mean next week?"<br>"He's gonna be here around Thanksgiving. You've gotta get tested every week until then, trust me."

I sigh, "Fine."


	24. Chapter 24

Week in, week out.  
>Ever since the Halloween party, I haven't done much else other than get high every weekend. Sometimes before class, but that's only sometimes. And at lunch...and before I go to bed. Sometimes.<p>

Sasori has become my main go to guy for weed after that day at the clinic. Those pills he gave me had me feeling good in under twenty minutes. He doesn't sell Vicodin but he's working on it, until then I usually just buy a few sacks a week. He goes to Sunset with Dem, but comes around to the clinic because that's where he usually finds new buyers. It's weird, but I can't argue with it considering he's my dealer now.

Finals are getting closer and closer, and my homework is a good few stacks tall every week. It's so fucking annoying and stressful...monotonous. Three essays here a fucking buttload of projects over there, I just can't wait to get a break. I'm also putting together my resume, hoping that I'll be able to land a job and get an apartment instead. I get tired of hearing everyone bang around me when I'm knee deep in homework. Even Hayner has designated me as 'hallway monitor' these past few weeks after bringing home a string of random drunk chicks. I _hate _being hallway monitor and getting acquainted with all the other dudes not getting any. Usually it's Pence. But even Pence gets around...

God I'm pathetic. Enough of that.

Axel's been...different. He's been sweet, kind, supporting. I don't know, it's kind of weird. He keeps saying how he'll prove himself, and that's alright in itself, but I still get the feeling that I should be single.

I've been chatting a bit with Riku too. He hasn't pressed anything on me, so it feels great. I still care a lot about him, but the last thing I want is pressure. From anyone.

Again, maybe being alone is how it should be for a while.

Kairi is already thinking about dropping out of college.  
><em>'It's not my scene. I feel like I'm the wrong cookie in the bunch. Everyone's one of those weird fancy jelly topped cookies and I'm just normal chocolate chip.' <em>She tells me all the time. She says she has found making new friends way harder then what sitcoms teach you nowadays. I think it's because she misses Namine. And Namine's always talking about her, as though she's her rock. It's kind of sad, but what you gonna do? Education is top, I guess...

Reno's been around, he wasn't lying about work though. He takes more trips than anyone I know. The only thing he's relied on me so far about his job is the paperwork. It's never ending apparently. I've had the luck of cat sitting Baxter every now and then when he's gone for a few days, and when that happens me and Hayner have a lot of fun. Tons of cuts tend to happen, which leaves Reno asking _'the fuck'd you guys do to my cat?' _all the time, but whatever. Baxter knows how to have a party.

School's been...alright. Except for dealing with Seifer and his best pals.

I've been having the word _FAGGOT _painted on the trunk of my car every week.

Why Seifer doesn't use permanent paint, I will never know, but he keeps doing it. I filmed him doing it one night showed security, but all they said was, _'we'll see what we can do for you'._

It's bullshit, I know. But no harm no foul.

I'm friends with his girlfriend, so I think that may be why he keeps writing offensive slurs on my car, but who knows what he thinks in the end. He just really dislikes me. He cussed me out for some reason yesterday...I didn't stick around for much of it though, I was so high I lost it after _'bundle of sticks' _came into the conversation. That phrase left me laughing for so long, he got real pissed and I walked away.

Fuujin always apologizes for her boyfriend, but I tell her not to worry about it. It just freaks me out, how she's so nice yet she stays with a guy like him.

Fuu, she's really nice. Not much of a talker actually, but she has a sense of humor. With the help of Pence I got her to talk a little more in class. She always seemed sad so I figured she could use someone to talk to. Eventually, we just became friends and started hanging out, despite her boyfriend hating me. She draws a lot and plays video games. Eats mostly vegetarian things and junk food. Hayner says she's probably the best in his class next to him (she says he's easily the fourth best, funnily enough). She also sets up my laptop for movies and sick ass games she downloads over the internet for me, teaching me little by little what everything does.

"What are we watching tonight?" I ask her as she arrives, two old school controllers in hand.  
>She shakes her head, "Fear nothing but fear itself."<p>

"Cryptic, but sounds fun."

As she sets up the laptop in the closet, I pull out soda's as she dumps out junk and fruit from her backpack.

I turn off all the lights except the blue christmas lights hanging around.

She plugs in the controllers to my laptop and turns the game on.

It's eerie, with only three white dots cascading the black screen as creepy piano music plays in the background.

"What's...this?"  
>"Too scared to play?" She smirks.<p>

I eye the controller, before picking it up.

"My friend just made it. It's part one of her horror series. Press start."  
>I swallow, "Alright..."<p>

I press start, and nearly shit myself as a screech breaks the silent music.

"Shit!" I drop the controller, knocking over the unopened soda cans.

The screen flashes red for a few second with a fucked up distorted face, before fading to an empty room.

Fuu laughs.  
>"Almost punched my screen there...Alright."<p>

I breathe, "Let's do this."

**-x-**

Over the course of the night, we took turns playing this cryptic fucked up nightmare she calls a video game, downing sodas and pixie dust. Hayner stops in for a while, attempting to play a few rounds before he pussy-ed out and started doing homework.

We hear a few bangs but ignore it, thinking that it was coming from the next room over.

After a few more louder knocks, I open the closet door and lean out.

Hayner has his noise canceling head phones on, going to town on a text book. I throw a candy over to him and he looks over.

"Yeah?"  
>"The door. Get it."<br>"Fuck you..." He throws his headphones off and starts getting up.

Me and Fuu get back to the game for a few moments before Hayner opens up the closet.

"It's your boyfriend. And he's being a fucking bitch." Hayner says with frustration before closing the closet door again. Me and Fuu look at each other before she stands up quickly.

She heads out of the room, and I hear bits of their conversation.

Like usually, he's cussing her out, sounding like a total dick.

So I wait, and wait, and wait. A good ten minutes must've passed by until I stood up and walked to the door.

"Fuu you okay?" I ask, opening the door wide.

"Mind your own fucking business, she's fine." Seifer answers for her.

"Stop..." She pushes him a little and he glares at her.

She looks upset, her hair covering her face as though she started crying out here.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just need to get my stuff..." She says quietly, walking back inside my room. As she passes by, I see her red face, streaked with tears.

"Mind your own fucking business, I said she's fine."  
>He get's on my last never and I say it.<p>

"Yeah well I wasn't fucking asking you, was I?"  
>He looks as pissed as he is surprised, but I don't care.<p>

"She's not your fucking girlfriend is she faggot?" He steps closer to me but I don't budge.

I look down on him, height obviously not being his best feature. I notice the scar on his face and wonder if someone else cut him. Maybe he did it to himself.

"Tell me, is '_faggot'_ the only fucking thing you can say? Get away from my door."

Before anything gets out of hand she comes out and grabs Seifer's hand.

"I'll talk to you later Sora." She says quickly, dragging Seifer away.

"Later Fuu."

He looks back, as though he's thinking of starting something but I don't give him the chance, slamming the door as soon as I bid her a farewell.

"The fuck is wrong with that guy?" Hayner comments as I sat on the bed.

I sigh, worrying about Fuu's safety.

"I don't know..." I go to the closet and see that she didn't grab any of her things at all.

Instead, I see a note scribbled on the table.

_"Can you hold on to my stuff until we have class next time? I kinda don't want to take it home with me when he get's like this. Sorry I couldn't hang out any longer tonight. Text you asap."_

"Shit."

**-x-**

There's only so long until Sora comes home for Thanksgiving.  
>And I can't hardly wait.<p>

My mom's been back from her trip for a while, so I guess it's kind of nice to have the whole family around. She doesn't really do much when she's home except sit in her room or watch t.v downstairs. She's not so pleased with Rocko since he mauled her leg when she came home in the middle of the night, but we convinced her that it'd be a guard dog soon enough.

I actually can't get enough of him, he's cute. Mischievous. I kinda regret giving him up to Hiro so easily.

Every week I go get tested, even though I've been staying abstinent for Sora. Roxas tells me a lot about his brother, even though he unintentionally does it. How he used to surf every night and hit the really big waves after his dad taught him. And how he's capable of performing flips after him and Roxas practiced all summer to be like their favorite wrestlers. How they had a band for exactly one week before he 'faked' his death. _'We were supposed to perform the first week into second grade after the music teacher heard us in the band room. When Hayner and I went home we saw a note saying that if we were reading it then he was dead. We found him laying in a boat tied to the dock at our hang out. His suit was wet, and he told me he died by sea. Which, really was just his way of saying 'I don't wanna do this anymore, I'm out'.'_

It just gets me all the more excited that I'm talking to him again. There's just so much more I want to know about him. It's weird.

Sai's been looking for a place near Sunset to buy after putting his place on the market. He's looking for some place in an incredibly

Today's my twentieth birthday, but to avoid all stupidity that could be done by me leaving, I stayed at home and forced Hiro and Sai to play games with me. Specifically board games and card games. Sai...Yeah, I kinda tricked him into coming over here. I told him it'd only be a minute, and he's been here for two hours now. It's cool though! 'Cus it's his birthday too.

"Let's go do something interesting..." Hiro yawns.

"Like what?"  
>"I don't know, throw a party?"<br>"No. No no no no no."

"We don't have to do anything stupid, but it's your guys' fucking birthday. I mean, come on. You're actual men, not _teenagers._"

"We've become men a long time ago. There is nothing in an age."

Hiro blinks, frustrated and confused. "You, you...are a party pooper. Let's go get pierced."

At this point Sai stands up from the table and starts going through my fridge.

"What are you doing?"  
>"Need a drink." He pulls out some random bottle.<p>

"It's my moms." Hiro says.  
>He frowns, "I don't care."<p>

"Well, isn't this a wonderful coming of age night..." I murmur to myself, shuffling the deck of cards in front of me.

**-x-**

A few more boring hours and we follow Sai's lead, finishing all the booze my mom supplied for herself in under an hour.

After, we stashed all the empty cans and bottles behind a few random curtains.

We sat at different corners of the kitchen now, running out of juice except the ability to insult each other.

"I...I don't know about you guys, but it's almost midnight. It's not even my birthday, and _I'm _gonna celebrate by getting myself pierced. G'night."

Hiro stands up, straightening out his shirt before stumbling out of the kitchen.

I look down at the table and back at Sai, sitting on the kitchen counter.

He sighs, _"What?"_

"Nothin'..."  
>"You wanna get pierced? Let's go." He hops off the counter and I smile, jumping out of my seat.<p>

**-x-**

The clock barely ticks, getting stuck on the numbers for a few seconds at a time. Shitty cookie cutter tattoo templates lined the walls as the hum of tattoo guns buzzed in the background. I look around, reading the slightly faded license and certification framed on the wall.

My brother says something to the piercer about giving us all a tongue piercing as I start looking over magazines.

I get the crazy urge to call Sora, I miss him.

"He's doing it." Sai says.

We crowd around, watching down Hiro's mouth as the guy counts down.

"Three...two..." He skips one, shoving the needle through Hiro's fatty tongue.

"Ugh!"

"That's fuckin' gnarly dude."

Me and Sai jump back in disgust.

Hiro's eyes are squeezed shut as the guy pulls the needle through with the barbell.

"Who's next? Decide before I come back." The guy says leaving the room.

Sai shakes his head, sitting back down towards the front.

"Don't tell me you're backing down."  
>He shakes his head.<p>

"Is that a yes or a no?"  
>He shakes his head.<p>

**-x-**

"Hello...?" I say under my sheets, on the brink of sleep.

"_Heeeey."_

"Hey Ax...what's up?" I ask.

"You know...I just...I fucking _miss_ you."  
>I chuckle lightly, "Have you been drinking?"<br>"Yeah, but _only _because it's my birthday. _And_, I miss you..."  
>I laugh.<p>

"You know what I got? A tattoo of your _face."_

I gasp, "No you didn't. Please don't be that drunk."  
>I hear him trying to stifle a laugh.<br>I breathe out, "Oh good, you're lying. I was about to avoid you."

"I didn't say anything."  
>"You don't need to I just know."<br>"You _don't_ know that. But it's comforting to know that you'd avoid me if I did that."_  
><em>

I giggle, _"_Happy birthday Ax. Did you have fun tonight?"

"Meh, mediocre. God, you sound like an angel right now."  
>"Quit flattering me, you're giving me weird stomach vibes before bed...I don't like."<br>"But it's so true. That's the best happy birthday wish I've heard all day."  
>"You sound like you have a fat lip. Did someone hit you?" I ask.<br>"No! Do I really?"  
>"Yeah. You that drunk?"<br>"Noooo, I got my tongue pierced."

I blush, thinking about it. He does have a cute tongue...

"Oh, really? You're not just kidding now are you?"  
>He laughs, "Ya, really. I'm not messin' with you."<p>

I pull the sheets off my head and look up at the ceiling, staring at the starry projections his new night light gave off. Hayner fell asleep reading a book on the history of war.

"So you didn't do anything_ too_ crazy tonight?"  
>"You would laugh if I told you what my whole night actually consisted of. It's not nearly as crazy as you would think. The highlight of my night was having a hole poked through the muscle in my mouth. And, talking to you."<p>

I smile, knowing that he's only saying this to make me feel better about him.

Whether or not I believe him is another story.

"How have you been?"  
>"Alright. Seifer came over to pick Fuu up."<br>"Oh, how did that go?"  
>"He got in my face over something, so nothing out of the ordinary. Hayner told me about this rumor going around. Apparently she has a fake eye because of Seifer."<p>

"Whaaa...Seriously?"  
>"That's just what they say, I haven't payed enough attention to really know though. She always has her bangs in front of her left eye."<p>

He gasps, "_Suspicious..."_

We talk for a while, he asks me to send him a picture.

"No."  
>"Please?"<p>

"Why?"  
>"Because...I need it."<br>"Okay, that sounds really creepy."  
>"I don't...I don't know any better way to put it. I mean, I really need it. Please?"<br>_"Fine."_

I sit up and take a lazy pick of me frowning before flopping back down.

"There."

"You're mad."

"Deal."

"I will. _Oh I will._  
>I blush, "Good then."<br>He laughs.

We talk so long though, he falls asleep on the phone.

"Axel? Axel?" I ask quietly. All I hear is the tune of his soft breathing. I smile.

"Night Axel..." I whisper.

God, how you make me miss you so...

I want to trust you again.

I don't hang up, instead I fall asleep to the steady hum of his breath.

**-x-**

I pack my bags and buy my plane ticket home a few days before Thanksgiving. Hayner's still debating on whether or not he wants to go back home to visit his parents, since they've never had the best of relationships. But if he did, he'd get to see his little brother's and sister's again, which he really wants to do. Except for Selphie.

"Well, you could probably crash at my place if Roxas asks Donny."  
>"Yeah, I guess...I don't know. I don't know if it's worth it. What's one more holiday without me."<p>

"Dude, you haven't seen them in like three years. They probably miss you."

He stares out the window, shrugging his shoulders, "Maybe."

I don't blame him for being mad at his parents. They'd always put him down, telling him that his sister is always going to fare better at real life than he was. And they'd do this in front of Roxas, Riku and I all the time. They lived simple lives, eating what they grew and such. But they were also crazy alcoholics who were on the verge of having another baby all the time. Selphie would just empower their insults, backing them up on anything almost instantly.

And Selphie, in his defense, isn't really all that smart. She's just a bitch who cheats at tests all the time.

Dem's deciding against going home as well. Although he has uncles and aunts who still give a rats ass about him, his parents don't and that's all that matters according to him.

Everyone's got problems around the holiday.

I get bent out of shape too, thinking about all the fucked up shit that really goes on at home whenever my mom and Donny brag about our 'perfect little family'. It's not like anyone buys it much, someone always ends up getting in a fucking fight anyways. I hate Donny's side of the fucking family. And my dad's side of the family only calls now after the one year where my mom thought it was a good idea to have a 'blended family Thanksgiving'. My dad didn't even show...What a joke.

That's the holidays for you.

"I'll be back soon I'm gonna go get some food." I tell Hayner before stepping out.

It's just about freezing now outside. I'm hoping that I'll eventually get to see snow for the first time since I'm at the right place for it.

The streets get more desolate everyday.

My hands start freezing, so I take a shortcut through the abandoned schools parking lot. Looking around, all the windows and entrances to the school looked to be boarded up, except this one window. The board looked like it had been busted through long ago.

Trash is scattered everywhere, spilling out of the broken board to the right. The cover over the parking lot is worn down and broken through with large cracks and gaps. Moss and other plant material climbed out and hung down.

I hear what sounds like a lighter spark, and I get scared. I start moving out of the parking lot.

I get the feeling that I'm being followed, but I dismiss everything as me being paranoid. It's just a creepy shortcut. Of course I'm gonna get freaked out. I've came here plenty of times before though, it's fine.

As I'm starting to walk out, I see two guys behind me, maybe fifteen, twenty feet away.

_It's fine...__Other people walk around too._

Then I hear them call out my name, "Hey Sora!"

As I turn, all I see is this large object hurled at my face. It makes hard contact, snapping my head back and almost knocking me on the ground. I lurch forward, holding on to my mouth. Blood oozes from my mouth and I look up.

This kid comes over and gives me a left hook to the jaw almost knocking me off balance once again.

He stands over me, huffing and puffing with anger.

Instead of trying to figure things out, before he throws a right hook, I block his arm and give a straight jab to his face. My knuckles pop under the pressure, and I try to swing at him again before someone else grabs me from behind.

"Let go!" I screech as loud as I can. I look up as I fight for freedom, and see the large gash over his eye.

I knew instantly that it was Seifer and the guy I'm about to get my ass kicked who's holding me back is none other than Rai.

"Shut up."

He starts wailing on me, I try to move but his friends grip is too strong.

"Fuck Y-"

The strike to the stomach hurts most, and it cuts my breath off. I start hacking as Rai bends my arm behind my back. My asthma starts getting the best of me as I struggle, and eventually I could barely move. He chokes me out just before the brink of unconsciousness before I get thrown to the ground. Their presence hovers above me, and they stalk me like prey.

I squeeze the wet grass, trying to make a break for it. They watch, laughing at me before kicking me down.

Warm liquid trickles into my mouth as my nose starts to get hot. My face feels swollen, and I can barely feel the cool winter air around me anymore. My throat is barely working after the pressure Rai applied. I try to scream, but he starts choking me again. I am thrown to the ground once more, feeling the sharp thuds hitting my back, each hit stronger than the last. I start choking on my blood, unable to breath fully.

"We're not fucking done with you." He growls, grabbing my hair from the front of my head. I desperately scan behind him with my eyes, seeing nothing but the darkness surrounding the abandoned school. They drag me through trash and grim under the dark parking lot and throw me up against a pole.

I try to fight them off again, but they take more turns wailing on me until it hurts to move.

Rai socks me in the stomach, the last thing I feel are my lungs exploding.

**-x-**

I come to when they start slapping my face.

"Waaake up." I hear Seifer sing.

I try to move but I'm bound back by some rope. I smell the filth of trash and piss, and am reminded of where I currently sit. I can barely see out of my left eye, and I'm fighting back the urge to puke on myself. I'm shaking.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared.

"You have a big fuckin' mouth, Sora. You think you have nothing to be afraid of. I have half a mind to fucking kill you..."

He pulls my hair back, brandishing a marker from his back pocket. He pushes my head back, scribbling letters on my forehead over and over again. I move my head away until Rai slams it back.

"Hold still." He warns.

"Want a tattoo today...?" He smiles intently, as Rai starts to laugh.

_No..._

Seifer flips a zippo lighter open, and a large flame illuminates his dark eyes. Next to him, Rai pulls out a knife and I instantly react. I pull my legs up high enough to kick Rai back before kicking the knife out of his hand.

"Shit...!"

Seifer punches the side of my head, and my hearing starts to ring.

"Big fucking mistake. Rai find the fuckin' knife."

"I'm lookin' I'm lookin'..."

I move around, trying just about anything to get free before Seifer pushes my head back.

"You know something Sora?"

I look down past my bruised and swollen cheeks to make eye contact with him. I feel dizzy, and my vision is phasing in and out. My stomach burns, my lungs feel punctured by my ribs. There's no way I'm getting out of this.

_Don't let 'em see you cry._

Seifer squeezes my throat, and I close my eyes.

"Yeah...I think I'm gonna kill you..." He whispers, his voice filled with hate.

I feel the cool steel of the blade press up against my skin and I pull as far away as possible, fighting the tears back.

"HEY!"

My eyes snap open, and I look around.

Rai ducks down, dodging a rock. But I can't see much.

"Fuck dude lets go."

Seifer looks at me one last time, the hate in his eyes still brewing.

"Don't you fucking run from me!"

_Reno...It's Reno._

Rai pulls him away, "Now!"

Reno reaches me and I feel like hysterically crying.  
>He stops, looking me up and down with worry.<br>"Sora..."

He pushes his fingers through my hair as I wince back. He holds my face for a few more seconds before his sadness turns to rage.  
>Reno's eyes sharpen, a scowl on his face as he looks past me towards the guys running.<p>

"Bastards..." He brandishes his own knife out of his uniform, going behind the post and slicing the rope before taking off towards them again.

"Reno...wai..." I can't stop him though, I fall to the ground and start heaving. My bones begin aching and I can't find the right position to ease my pain. I squeeze myself under my dirty jacket, hoping that it'd all just go away.

_"Come here you little fucking shit...!"_ I hear Reno from a far. I look over my shoulder and see Reno's silhouette as he dodges Rai's fist before giving him a fucking roundhouse to the side of his face. Rai goes down like a domino, and Reno looks on at Seifer running way past the empty field.

I look back to the ground, regurgitating everything I held onto before I pull myself up. I stumble a few feet toward Reno before I feel my weight give out on me, and I black out.

**-x-**

"H-Help me...Help me..." I can't help but sob, rocking back and forth lost in this filthy darkness.

Reno hovers over me, "It's gonna be okay."

"I-I can't..." I bite my blooded lip.  
>He takes his black suit off, draping it over me lightly before slinging my arm around his neck.<p>

"Let's get outta here...Breathe Sora, breathe..."

He looks down at me, worried. I feel his hands touch my face, I flinch.

I can only feel myself losing grip.

Everything's blacking out.

**-x-**

"You're gonna be okay Sora...You're gonna be just fine..." His breathing is heavy, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he takes quick long steps. I smell the sweat off of both of us. I open my eyes barely and see Reno looking up ahead. Street light after street like passing overhead. He's carrying me back home I think.

I hurt so bad...I start crying in his arms. I cover my face and nuzzle into his neck.

I don't know what's worse...the physical pain of getting my ass kicked or the emotional shame.

"Shh...it's okay. You're okay now. Don't you worry..." He whispers, squeezing me tighter. He kisses my forehead, but I hide in him.

He stops for a second.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?"  
>"No!"<br>"Okay, okay."

"Please don't..." I plead.  
>"We won't go. We won't."<p>

He begins moving again.

My finger tips are frozen, yet my face still feels hot to the touch.

Soon we make it back to the dorm and he carries me up the stairs.

He kicks on my door with his foot, "Hayner open up."

"Hold on...Dem, can you?"

"Yeah." Dem opens the door and I hear nothing but silence.

"S-Sora...?" He asks touching me. I flinch away, squeezing onto Reno's shirt tighter.

I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing it would all just go away.

Reno walks into the room and Hayner takes a stand, pushing Dem aside.

"What the fuck happened?" He nearly shouts.

I want to go home.

**-x-**

Reno sets me down carefully on my bed, carefully stripping each piece of clothing off. Hayner sits across, his arm crossed as he silently waits. Just before he gets down to my pants I stop him.

Hayner can't hold in his questions anymore and starts speaking.

"What happened?"  
>"I found him like this. Two kids..."<br>I grab his hand and he stops talking, but Hayner and Dem already know.

"Are you serious? Sora are you okay? We gotta call the cops."  
>"Don't call the fucking cops, we just need to take him to a hospital. The cops won't do shit when they hear it's Seifer."<br>They start bickering back and forth and I can't fucking take it anymore.

"_I'm fine goddamn it!"_ I shout, squeezing my jeans. I feel tears fall and I wipe them away furiously.

I stand up, feeling pain course through my joints as I limp to the closet.

"Where are you going?" Hayner asks.

I ignore him obviously, moving to my last three Vicodins, and the last bowl of weed I had.

I wrestle them out of my bag, throwing them on the table before moving back to the room.

I grab a glass from the cupboard before returning to the closet.

I sit down and start smashing the pills with the corner of my lighter.

I hear the closet door open but I don't care.

The only thing I want to be right now is high, if not dead.

"...You okay in here?"  
>"Dandy." I answer back as I roll a small joint.<p>

"Gotta lighter?" I ask Reno.

"Yeah." He pulls one out of his pocket and passes it over my shoulder.

After I light the joint, I pour out a cup of juice and dump the powder in before chugging it down quickly.

I grab the blanket from the corner of the closet and cover myself with it, hiding as much as my face as possible.

Reno comes over, sitting next to me before he leans on my shoulder.

"Want a hit?" I've learned to ask.

I can feel him smile, "Thanks, but no thanks. I've got a lot of random drug tests to worry about. Smoke up. Just...let me clean your cuts."

"No."  
>"They're gonna get infected."<p>

I shrug, taking a long drag, the orange ember burning down to the end of my fingertips before I put it out on a handy incense holder.

I hold the smoke in, standing slowly as I grab a fresh pair of clothes.

I turn around, looking down shyly once I noticed that he rid himself of his shirt, "I'm gonna go take a shower."

I look down his smooth abs, way too shy to look back up.

I have the face of a troll after what they've done.

So much for enjoying this moment.

"Let me come with." He holds the side of my arms.  
>"No." I let the smoke escape my mouth.<br>I push past him and escape the room.

The bathroom is quiet, and I slowly look into the mirror.

Just as I thought, I was swollen, bruised with a black eye and cut lip. From my nose to my chin, I was covered in dried blood. I could still see the red marks from when they strangled me. I hesitate, but slowly push up my ratty hair to see the word _'FAG' _scribbled on my forehead.

I let go, rushing to the closest shower stall.

Once inside, I turn the water on hot and soak my body.

My cuts and bruises lit up like fire and I feel a dull pain move through me. All I can think about is that hole.

How stupid I was.

And...just why?

Why?

_More like why not..._

My body aches and throbs, but I feel left with nothing.

I scrub my forehead repeatedly, ignoring my pain just to get the ink out.

All I can do is cry silently, scrubbing myself under steaming hot water until it turns ice cold.

I hear the door open to the bathroom and hear someone approach my stall. My heart starts picking up speed.

A hand with a ring reaches under and grabs my grimy clothes.

_Dem..._

I ignore what he's doing and continue to rid myself of filth, scrubbing every inch of my physical being.

He leaves, and five seconds later the door opens again.

I see hands reach over the stall door, Reno's spikey red bangs barely climbing over the ledge of the door.

"You okay in there?" He asks softly.

I rub the bridge of my nose, feeling something boney slightly pointing out under the skin.

"...Yeah...I'm fine." I murmur.

Seconds later I feel my head become woozy. My body becomes light and my pain slowly crawls away.

I start blacking out again, and I slap the wall, almost falling over.

"Sora?"

I take a few seconds before I turn the water off.

Dry myself.

Pull on my shorts and hoodie.

Throw that hoodie as far over my eyes as possible and pull the drawstrings tight.

I grab my towel and soap, walking out quickly.

In the room, Dem and Hayner share his bed as they look over his laptop.

"We're sorry Sora."  
>"Yeah, we didn't mean to bombard you."<br>"Yeah."

"Yeah Hayner's a fucking dick."

"Don't fucking throw me under the bus you're a dick too."

"It's fine." I say silently, smiling.

I crawl in bed, scooting as close to the wall as possible.

Reno sits down on the ledge for a few minutes. Leans back slightly.

"Are you gonna lay down or are you just gonna sit there?" I look over my shoulder and say to Reno.

He looks down at me surprised, pleased, "Oh? What? Yeah."

Dem and Hayner stifle laughter, mocking Reno in their corner.

"_Oh, wha? Who me? Oh ya oh fuck ya." _They take turns impersonating him.

"Shut up..." He says, laying down next to me.

Once he's in, I make him hold me, tight.

I pull his arm over me and squeeze.

He follows, throwing his leg over mine as he envelops me in his personal warmth.

I feel his arms...his strong arms holding me tight as I begin nodding off.

He brings his other hand up and begins stroking my hair.

The rhythm of his chest rocks me to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

My alarm clock blares loudly and I throw my arm overhead to turn it off.

I feel the emptiness next to me and I...miss Reno. I pat my hand behind me hoping that he's there. But he isn't.

I turn around and see all my clothes dried and folded.

A neat note on top.

"_Dem may have washed it, but he doesn't know shit about folding. Sorry I couldn't stay longer...call me, I worry about you okay? Oh, also, I cleaned your cuts for you after you passed out. And I also held a cold pack to your face so your swelling would go down. You were so doped up, I thought you wouldn't mind as long as I didn't wake you._

_-Reno"_

I touch my face and feel bandages. I can't smell much at all.

I look over at Hayner's bed. Him and Dem were tangled in each others arms, junk food scattered on top of their almost limp bodies as Dem drools onto his scalp. Nice.

I get dressed and grab my packed bags.

I shake Hayner awake.

"I'm leavin." I say.

"Wha...? Really?"  
>"Yeah, gotta catch the train to the airport. I'm going home, remember?"<p>

He blinks at me for a few seconds before sitting up.

He pushes Dem off of him and hops into his clothes he always leaves on the floor.

"What are you doing?" I ask as he jumps in his boots.

He runs his finger before shuddering away, discovering the slobber Dem left in his hair.

He slaps Dem with the same hand, "Keep the fort safe, there's some fucking knives under the bed if you need 'em."  
>"Uhhhh..."Dem rolls over, covering his face with the blanket.<p>

"Let's go."

**-x-**

Hayner and I walk down the street in the freezing fog.  
>We don't say a word until we get on the train headed to the airport.<p>

He turns to me, "Sora, what happened?"  
>I look down at my hands, "Seifer and Rai happened."<p>

He sighs, sitting back in his seat with anger, "Man..."

He sits up slightly, "What'd they-"  
>"-They threw a rock at me. Punched me. Choked me. Kicked me. Tied me up and wrote some shit on my forehead...Then Reno came."<p>

"Did they run?"  
>"Yeah they fucking ran. I don't know what happened to Seifer. But Rai tried to sock Reno."<br>"Did it work, or did he fucking kick his head in?"

I smile, recollecting the only thing that felt good at that moment, "Yeah. He got him."

Hayner grins, "Good."

**-x-**

"If he comes over, d-don't let him in okay?"

"What the _fuck _are you on?"

Half empty glasses covered every inch of the kitchen and food scraps fell to the floor off of dishes.

Mom's on another bender, her sunglasses crookedly hanging off her ears as she stumbles back and forth to the door.

"And why is he coming over?"  
>She flicks her lighter a few times before catching a flame. She's shaking, looking back and forth as though he could be here at any moment. Mom's been out all night, doing god knows what.<p>

Hiro stares down at the table, miffed at how this morning's conversation turned to the worst.

I can't say I'm happy either, seeing as though I was focused on inviting Sora over.

If my dad's creeping around the place, there's no telling what the fuck he could do. And I'd rather not put Sora in that predicament.

"Where...Okay guys where the fuck...are my keys?" She huffs out, looking in her purse before opening random cupboards.

"You're not seriously about to drive are you?" I question her, crossing my arms. The smell of her smokes fill the kitchen air, and it seems like the only sound going through is the sound of her freaking out.

"Axel I need you to shut up so I can think!" She screams, her sunglasses nearly flying off.

"What the fuck is your deal?" Hiro asks. I roll my eyes, looking in the fridge for food.

If she's this tweaked out, then she must've been with him before coming to the conclusion that she should avoid him all over again.

"He's...super pissed at me s-so just ignore him. If you let him in, you can kiss goodbye to your house and-and your parties and-and your fucking game systems. Everything."

"Goddamn don't you ever shut up...?" I mutter to myself as she goes on some crazy fucking rant.

After five minutes, she ends it with, "I'm gonna be gone for a while...Love you boys."

I repress my laughter, she's so crazy it's amusing.

She walks out of the kitchen, dragging her purse behind her.

Hiro stands up, a concerned look in his eyes and runs after her, "Mom!"

**-x-**

People can't keep their eyes off of me as Hayner and I move quickly through the airport.

"Text me when you get back home."  
>"I will. So you're really just staying over here?"<p>

We stop just before the security gates, taking a seat off to the side.

"Yeah, my parents have like eight other kids they can deal with, they don't really need me."  
>"She probably misses you dude, you've been gone for years. Are you sure?"<p>

He looks down, crossing his arms, "Yeah yeah I know I've heard. Maybe I'll go back around Christmas, but I don't even have the cash to buy a plane ticket. If I was gonna go I would've bought my ticket in advanced. But I didn't, so..." His brown eyes trail away, and I can tell he's getting bitter. I know he's just upset.

_I know what'll make him feel better..._

"Well, if you're so sure you're staying, here." I reach into my pocket and grab my car keys.

He cheers up, as his mouth gaps open at the sight of them.

"Take care of my car—wait, you do know how to drive stick, right?"

The happiness in his eyes fade, yet he keeps up the facade, "_Yes...?_"

"Because you know, in case of an emergency I need you to save my car. If you can't save my car because you can't drive stick then tell me now."

_"...Yes?"_

I shake my head, but I know I'm gonna end up forking them over in the end.

"No wait! Please, I'm sure Dem knows how to drive stick and he's staying with me over the break so come on please?"

I look down at my keys, and back up to his pleading brown eyes, "Fine. I don't need you to drive it anywhere, _unless _there's an emergency. Got it?"  
>"Yeah yeah, I got it."<p>

I remember I'm short on time and I stand up, "Remember, no fucking cruising around and trying to pick up chicks. I'm counting on you to keep her safe. Also, if Fuu comes around give her the bag under my bed, it has all her stuff in it."  
>"No worries man! Just say hi to your fam for me and take an easy, alright?"<br>He throws up his thumb and I give him a thumbs up back.

**-x-**

I sit outside of the airport, rain falling hard as people shaved past me. I can barely make out the smell of sand and sea through my stuffed nose, yet I continue to push myself to take deep breaths. Before the rain gets to heavy I pull my hood over my head. I take out a cigarette and watch for the cab to swing around.

Plenty of scenarios go through my head. From mom breaking down crying to Donny just laughing it up in my face.

How I'm going to do it? How am I gonna deal with them? I don't know. Maybe I'll just ignore it and act normal. Maybe people'll think it's so rude to ask they'll just ignore it.

I take one last drag before putting my cig out and look down the street.

Bright headlights cut through the rain as the white cab approaches. I stand up, putting my game face on. Roxas climbs out the minute it pulls to a stop running over and lifting me up.

"Sora!" He rejoices.

I hold on tight for dear life. The minute we held each other I knew that I didn't want to leave without him.

I would rather be around Roxas than anyone else in the whole world.

He swings me back and forth, compressing my swollen and bruised parts.

"Ow ow okay okay..." I chuckled lightly as he lowered me.

He looks at me and his happiness is soon sucked dry, "Wh-what the fuck happened?"  
>I smile morosely, "Long story, don't worry 'about it."<br>I ruffle his dirty blonde hair before picking up my bags.

**-x-**

"_You back home yet?"  
>"Yeah, just got in the cab. About to have a family reunion. Yay."<br>"Doesn't sound like you're excited."  
>"Guess I'm just stressed."<br>_

_Shit._

_Finding out that he's stressed doesn't lay out a good foundation for me._

I look over the papers for all of the testing I've been going through, thinking of the right time to show him.

Thinking of my father hiding around the place scares the shit out of me, no doubt.

What a fucking twacked out creep. I mean, really man...

I wanted to have Sora over.

…..It's still not that impossible, if I figure out the security system.

...Then again, I was never good with that stuff. Better have Hiro do it.

**-x-**

"Who's over?" I ask, hearing a distinct giggle that didn't belong to mom.

"Namine. We've been spending a lot of time together since everyone went to college." Roxas blushes.

"Oh? How so? You guys finally dating?"  
>He shakes his head, "Nah, I don't really want to date her right now. I'm moving, she's staying behind. Who knows if I'll ever come back?"<p>

I nod silently, looking at the small peaks of blue through the dark clouds. The rain comes and goes, making abundant puddles present everywhere. The streets were quiet, you could tell people were inside with their families.

"Dude what happened to you?" Roxas finally asks again, kicking himself off the house. He sits next to me on the porch. I hear my mom and Namine talking along in there, excited to see my busted up face again.

I smoke another cigarette, just stressing the fuck out. I feel like my hair's about to fall out.

And Donny...

Haha, don't even get me started on what he'll be saying.

"I got jumped and beat up dude what does it look like...?"I mumbled, getting sick of the questions I've been asked.  
>"Yeah, but why?"<br>My fingers shake slightly as I bring the filter up to my lips.

I take a long drag, staring off down the long road ahead of my street.

I shrug, "I couldn't tell you."

I daze off, my heart picking up speed as I remember the beating fresh in my head.

My hearing's a little fucked still, all I hear in the silence is the ringing.

"Know what? That's a lie. It's 'cus I'm gay. And I got too cozy with this kids fucking girlfriend, that's why."

I reach inside my pocket for my pack of smokes, but Roxas yanks my arm.

I look up, and he looks sad.

"Let's go inside man, mom's waiting for you." He says quietly.

"Got any Vicodin?" I ask, not caring about what he thinks.

"Later. Face your demons now. We've got family coming tomorrow."

I groan as he drags me inside.

_Fuck my life._

**-x-**

_Ugh, this is disgustingly awkward._

At least it's gonna be, when they let go of me.

I enjoy what I have now, squeezing my mom and Namine with all my might.  
>Donny's in the kitchen, barely paying attention.<p>

They let go and I just wonder who's gonna say something first.

"Sora...what happened?!" My mom shrieks, holding my face.

Shit, I guess that should've been painfully obvious.

Donny's all eyes and ears now, standing up from the kitchen table and coming over.

He leans up against the wall, a know it all smirk present on his face.

"It's clear what happened. Boy tried that gay shit over there and had his ass handed right back to him on a silver platter." He cackles, coughing half way through as I decide that I've had enough.

"I'm goin' upstairs...Everyone leave me the alone please." I mutter as I turn away from my mom.

"Donny..." She says quietly.

"Don't say I didn't warn ya boy." He calls up.

"_Fuck you..._" I say under my breath.

**-x-**

I hit the stale sheets of my bed, turning my stereo on and playing whatever CD I left in there last.

It takes a second for the music starts playing, and instantly there are loud strings going along a rift before my ears are blasted with Roxas' mix CD.

_Whatever..._

I crawl under the sheets and hear a knock on my door before it swings open.

"Hey, dude, I don't mean to be a bummer but mom's like, wondering why her son won't talk to her after getting home from college?"  
>"I'll talk to her when Donny leaves."<p>

"Are you okay?"  
>I sigh under the sheets, "Yeah."<p>

Wish I was high.

"Just want to get everything over with."

He strolls over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Well, I was going to save this for dinner tomorrow, but it looks like you need the good news now."  
>"What?"<br>"I graduated. I can start looking towards college, maybe we can get a place together?"  
>"That's sweet." I say with a small smile.<p>

My phone vibrates and it's Riku.

"_Hey, so, can we hang out tonight?"_

Fuck. I remember. I agreed to see him over Thanksgiving break.

"_Yeah, sure, just come over later on tonight. I'll be home."_

"_Okay. See you soon :)"_

_Uuuugghhhhhhh._

I throw my phone across the room, "Give me your Vicodin."  
>"Why?" He asks.<br>"I've got really bad pains. Please? Pretty fucking please? I'll pay you back."

"Fine. Hold on..."

He leaves and returns with a bottle.

"Here."  
>"Thank you so much." I say, trying to contain my happiness.<p>

After he leaves, I head to my bathroom and do what I usually do.

I get _super fucking high._

And just sit.

Letting these waves of euphoria silken me.

A few hours pass and I just chill alone in my room, smoking a few cigarettes before throwing on a few movies.

Just as I was starting to nod out, I hear a few knocks on the door and turn down my radio before answering.

"Sora, you okay sweetie...?" My mom asks concerned.

I feel bad.

I smile, not feeling the pressure from earlier, "I'm okay mom."  
>"What happened? Do you want to talk about it?" She asks.<p>

I shake my head, "Don't worry about me, I'm fine okay? Kids fight, remember?"  
>She hugs me tight, and I squeeze back.<p>

"If you need to tell me anything I'm right here okay? Are you sure you're okay?"  
>"I'm fine! You're worrying about me too much mom, I'm fine."<p>

She nods, "I'm going to the store and then dropping Donny off at his parents for the night."  
>"Is he going to be here for Thanksgiving tomorrow?"<br>She nods sadly.

Fuck.  
>I sigh, "Alright."<br>"If you want to invite your friends over, go ahead. Just remember to stay out of the basement."  
>"I will, love you."<p>

She's about to leave, and then she just stops, sniffing the air.  
>"Sora...have you been smoking inside the house?"<br>"No love you byeeee-"  
>I try to close the door as fast as possible but she stops me.<p>

"-Sora I smell it on you! Just because you're eighteen and out of my house doesn't mean you can smoke wherever you please! If you're going to do that crap do it outside!"  
>"You smoke in the house sometimes..." I murmur.<p>

"_What?"_  
>"Nothing. Got it. Bye." I answer, looking away.<p>

"Tell all your boyfriends to use the front door too. That garden ladder _isn't _a ladder for people, it's a ladder for plants. Please and thank you-"  
>"-Okay! Love you! Bye!"<br>"Okay bye."

She takes her foot away from the door and I shut it.

_Jesus Christ..._

I sit by my window and watch the hypnotic waves mostly hidden by the fog. I try to relax, but it's pointless. My stomach is doing somersaults.

I should of told him I was sick...

"Sora! Riku's here!" I hear Roxas call from downstairs.

"Shit..." I hang my head low.

"Coming!"  
>I slug down the stairs and see Namine and Roxas watching a movie together.<p>

I take a few seconds, pushing my hair in front of my face and making sure my hoodie's on good before opening the door.

I swallow, "Hey."  
>Riku smiles, his hair slightly dripping wet, "Hey."<p>

**-x-**

I get all my papers in order, from earliest to latest tested.

Shower.  
>Eat.<p>

Sai calls, "The deals been made. We're moving after the new year."  
>"Really? You and me?"<br>"Yeah, who else?"  
>"Hey, let's say I want someone to move in..."<br>"...Unless it's your brother, I'll have to think about it."  
>I sigh, "Alright. Well, I'm about to make up with Sora. For good hopefully."<br>"Good luck with that."

"I know right?"

It feels like there's two guy's boxing in my stomach.

**-x-**

Me and Riku sat twiddling our thumbs in the dark of my room.

The last time we saw each other everything was so...natural.

So why are things so awkward now?

I'm high...

So very high, but not nodding out like usual.

I feel like my tolerance got bumped up a few notches.

"Let's go watch a movie." I say, looking up.

"Wait." He pulls me back down on my bed before reaching for my hoodie.  
>I react, holding his wrist.<p>

"What's wrong."

I look him in his eyes and he pulls my hoodie back.

"Sora...what happened?" He holds my face.

I snap away, "Nothin'. I get tired of hearing that question."  
>"What the fuck happened to you? Seriously?" He holds my face.<p>

I frown, "I got beat up alright?"

He slowly lowers his hand, looking down.  
>"Nothing fucking new with me Riku. I know it's hard to do, but can we just ignore it? I'd rather not have my break be about my face." I look out the window.<p>

"Fine." He says silently.

**-x-**

"I'm sorry."  
>"Don't be."<p>

"Sora-"

"-Just don't."

The quiet buzz of the VHS rang through the house as the blue screen brightened the dark living room.

My eyes hugged the blue light, not looking over to Riku for a second.  
>I feel myself numbing out, and I can only let it happen.<p>

Roxas and Namine left for a walk after the movie finished up, leaving us in this awkward situation.

Riku leans forward, "How you feelin' right now?"  
>"Oh, you know." I rest my arm on the couch, hoping for an interruption.<p>

"You know..."

I look over, his silver bangs covering his turquoise eyes.

He makes a twisted expression, "I still love you."

I blink, staring him down, "..._Really._"  
>"Yeah."<br>"If you love me so much, why are you with another person?"  
>"I..."<br>"Better yet, if you love _her _so much, why are you here? Does she even know you're here?"  
>"No, of course not."<p>

I sigh, rubbing my face, "I hate it when you do this to me..."  
>"What?" He scoots closer.<p>

"I love you, but I can't be in love with you. I mean, look at you. You're at my house when you have an on again off again fiance. You're...you're fuckin' messing with me." I say.

Riku makes a fast move and holds my face.

His eyes pierce mine as he kisses me.

I can't help but melt into his arms as he holds me closer. His taste, his scent...

It all brings me back to a better time.

The time we were in love...

But then I think of what I'm doing.

I remember the reality.

I dissect the situation.

I know what's gonna happen, he's just gonna come around and bounce back.

He has no intention of really loving me.  
>I'm not even sure if he knows what his intentions are.<p>

"It's been harder than I thought...getting over you."

I push him off and stand up, "That's not my fault Riku. You're taken. We're best friends now, nothing more. So just...just go home."

It hurts bad, but I know it was going to be the truth I'd have to face sooner or later.

I'm sure I'd be crying if I wasn't so high.

But since I'm high, I just want him gone.

He stands up, "Are...you sure about this?"

He shakes his head, "No, you're right...I'm sorry. I'll...see you later Sora."

He walks out of the house and I slouch back on the couch, throwing my head back.

_I need a cigarette._

I hold onto the railing, moving up the stairs to my room slowly.  
>I open the door and sit on my bed, reaching for the pack under my blanket.<p>

A strong breeze blows in and I close the window.

Actually, I don't remember leaving the window open...

I stand up and right before I light my cigarette I feel someone squeeze my ankle.

I scream, the cig falling to the floor as I trip trying to escape.

I hit the floor hard and wince, grabbing my side in pain.

"Shit!" Axel crawls out from under my bed like an arachnid.

"I didn't think you'd get that scared babe I'm sorry." He says with a smile, crawling over my body.

Again, I hide my face from him.  
>He laughs, "What are you doing?"<br>He grabs both of my wrists, pinning them to the side of my head.

"Sora...?"

I feel myself getting hot and tense, needing to escape.

He pulls my hood back and his happiness turns to anger.

"The fuck happened to you?"  
>He asks, letting my wrists go.<p>

"Nothing." I say quietly, pulling the hood over my eyes.

"Sora what the fuck happened? Tell me!" He presses harder.

I start crying, "Nothing! Okay just leave me alone!"

I push him off and run to my bathroom, sitting against the door in the dark.

He takes a few seconds before knocking on the door.

"Sora...I'm sorry. Please talk to me?"

I sniffle.

"Please? I miss you...I want to hold you, that's all."

I take a few minutes and open the door.

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight before pulling away.

**-x-**

After he calmed down a bit, I open up to him little by little.

"So, these guys, they jumped you for no reason?"  
>"...Yeah. I really, really don't want to talk about it right now. I mean, I'll do something about it when it the times come."<p>

He sighs, "Sora...What are you gonna do?"  
>"Don't worry about it. I've been telling everyone this and you're no different, I just don't want to talk about it."<br>"Alright, alright..." He looks upset. But there's nothing he'd be able to do anyways. What's done is done.

I sit up and grab my cigarette off the floor before lighting it.

He stares me down.

"What?"  
>"Oh, nothing, just didn't know you started smoking. Got over your fear of hairy tongues?"<br>"I've started a lot of things this year. Gotten over a lot. Haven't you?" I look away with a smile.

He smirks, "Smart ass."

He lays next to me, propping his head on his elbow as he rests his free hand on his knee.

"Babe, let's make up." He says with a grin.  
>I just laugh.<p>

"I'm serious. I've been working. I _want _you." He says with intensity.

I roll my eyes.

"I'm serious...We have a lot of shit to talk about. But I want to know if you're willing to make it work with me. I won't start talking unless you wanna make it work."  
>I blush, my heart racing, "What do you mean?"<p>

He shrugs, looking ahead, "Well, for one thing you never told me about your serious phobia."

I swallow, "Wh-What do you mean?"  
>He grabs my hand and squeezes it tight, "It wasn't the stripper, was it?"<p>

"I-I-I..." I look straight ahead, unsure of how I'd answer.  
>"Who-"<br>"-Roxas. I begged it out of him. Doesn't matter. But, I'll tell you what happened with me. I'm dealing coke, and I'm doing it with Saix. We went to this strip club and his boss's client and I fucked around. I was really high and lonely, but that's no excuse. She looked like you, so I pathetically, in my wasted state, fucked her. Using a condom. Next day I thought I'd never deal with her again, so I switched out my bag of coke with hers. I was...I guess you could say I was on a bender, and Sai cut me off of the really good pure shit. I wanted it, his special client had it, so I yanked it. She called me back, and told me if I didn't start fucking her that she was going to tell Mar. I didn't know who Mar was, because I was technically only assisting Sai at that time. And I told Sai myself, and he said he was gonna fucking kill me himself if I don't make things right. I knew that I was likely going to die, so I listened and I...did that for a while."

He looks away, breathing, "This...this is harder than I thought. Okay, well...I was lonely, so I fucked around with her past the point that I had to because I wanted to replace you. I wanted her to be the perfect exact replacement...but I knew that was full of shit so one day I just stopped. Came to Twilight Town to make things official with Mar, and I came to see you. Because I couldn't stop thinking about you. I hunted you down because you're kinda the only person I want to deal with anymore. You left so fast I..."

He laughs.  
>"I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I want to be with you."<br>"Thanks for finally being honest. But no. If you know what I've been through then you should understand." I say sadly, standing up.

He sits up, "I can't get you out of my head. I just...that night she was lookin' a lot like you, and I was lonely. What else can I say? I'm a fucking retard."

I feel jealous and hurt. Maybe I shouldn't...but I can't help myself. He commits, then cheats on me with Larxene, then blames everything on me before fucking some stripper that apparently looks like me...

He shrugs, looking away shyly, "I mean...it was stupid. Nothing compares to you, I was just fuckin' pitying myself. I want _you. _I...I didn't know that much about you, or what you went through. When Roxas fucking cussed me out over it...I felt absolutely horrible. I didn't understand how bad I was hurting you when I...Look, I understand now, and I want to start over."

But it's true...I keep leaving out details that could be the difference between a good relationship and a bad one. If I had told Riku all my problems, maybe things would've ended up better. In this way...Axel's no different.  
>But...I...I can't.<p>

I shake my head.

"Go." I say.  
>"What?"<br>"I can't...Go."

"Wait." He holds his hand up, before taking a stand.

He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and passes it over to me.

"Take it. I just want you to feel a lil' better. I'll...I'll see you later." He bites his bottom lip, turning his frown upside down.

As he goes to my bed ready to climb out the window, I open the folded pieces of paper.

_Test results...?_

He got tested.

Over

And over

And over again.

All the results...are negative.

I let paper after paper float to the floor, scanning through each piece thoroughly.

The dates.

The clinics.

The time.

It all adds up.

I run to the window, grabbing him off of the window seal before he slips out.

I squeeze tight, "Axel...did you really...for me?"

**-x-**

"Of course I did."

Sora climbs over me, gazing at me as if to ask why. He pushes the sleeves of my jacket up, looking at my overly pricked arms. He runs his fingers down them before holding my face.

"You didn't...did you really?" He asks with a whisper.

I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling the rest of my feet inside from the window, "Every week. At every clinic we could find."  
>"Why? Why waste your time on...me?"<p>

"You're far from a waste in my mind. You're the most important thing I've worked for...in a very long time. I wasn't going to let that slip, especially after I learned more about you..." I push his brown hair away from his eyes, stroking his cheek softly down to the nape of his neck. It's only now that I grasp how significant Sora is to me. He's something that I've never had before.

"Oh the mistakes I made against you...I'm so sorry Sora."

Sora smiles, holding my hand softly as he leans down to kiss me. He kissed me tenderly, sliding his tongue through my lips to meet mine. I slide my hand under his sweater, embracing his adorable love handles. He gasps, sitting back as he held his mouth.

"What? Oh, my tongue ring, remember?" I stick my tongue out to show him.  
>He's flustered, looking down lustfully before kissing me harder.<p>

_Sora...my Sora..._

He rests his forehead on mine, and I start melting over those blue pools of his.

"Can we start over again?"

"Yes." He smiles, kissing me again.

He begins playing with my tongue ring slightly, who knew it'd be such a turn on.

I squeeze his ass tight, filled to the brim in glee.

"Your ass got bigger." I tease.

"Shut up."

I stayed for hours.

Until the morning sun broke through, kissing those pure lips of his. Stroking my fingers through his wild mane and admiring all his elegant features. I took the night, studying him inside and out.

Lucky doesn't begin to describe the way I feel.

"When are you coming back?" He asks groggily. I pet his hair, wishing I could stay by his side forever.

I want to make up for lost time.

"I'll be back before the morning's over Blue Eyes, promise."  
>We share one last kiss before I climb down the cold wet garden ladder.<p>

"Be back soon, I'll be waiting." He smiles before closing the window.


	26. Chapter 26

There's...stuff in here. M rated stuff. Like, really _really_ M rated stuff. Proceed at your own risk I guess? I'm sorry. This is a first in ages.

* * *

><p>I could only sleep for a few hours before I woke up, excitement running through my veins.<p>

I get up and start undressing, looking to shower before family comes over later.

I head over to Roxas' room and see him sleeping soundly, Namine under his arms.  
>It smelled like they banged, but I won't make any assump- never mind they're topless under the sheets they totally banged.<p>

I quietly sneak into his bathroom and grab all his soap, plus toothpaste.

In my room, I turn the radio up and start the shower.  
>I brush my teeth and hear something tumble in my room.<br>I assume it's Axel, but I check just to be sure. Outside the bathroom, he's on the floor kicking his shoes off. He grins out from under the blankets he pulled onto the floor with him. I roll my eyes at him before closing the bathroom door.

I look in the mirror, feeling better that my swelling is none existent. My cut lip is healing faster than I thought, although I still have a quite a bit of bruising.

I jump in the shower and start washing.

**-x-**

After he closes the bathroom door I stand up and lock his bedroom door. I look around his room, weirded out by how empty it's become since I was last over here during the summer. I get bored waiting for him and decide to hang out in the bathroom with him.

"Whatcha doin'?" I ask, opening the door.

"Are you serious?"  
>"Yeah, I wanna know what's up." I say, sitting on the bathroom counter. I hear him laugh. I take advantage of the steam coated mirror and start doodling.<p>

"Uh, _showering_. I don't come in here to do taxes you know..."

"I know that. I mean, what body part are you on?"  
>"Axel!"<br>"What? It's a good question...I'm just curious." I catch myself drawing large phallus's on his mirror and wipe it clean.

"I'm on my body. That's what part."  
>"Need a helping hand?"<br>I hear him giggle and I bite down on my lips.

"I'm serious. I could help you get those hard to reach places..."

"Hmm..."

_Is he actually thinking about it?_

"I'll...make good on your offer. But only if you _really_ want to help."

I'm too excited to speak. I hop off the counter and push my sleeves up.

Biting my lips I push the curtain open, holding onto the bar above. The water and soap drips down the crack of his perfect tan ass. He looks over his shoulder, one hand flat against the shower wall, blushing shyly as I stare him down.

He looks so innocent...

He smiles shyly, handing over his sponge, "Here. My back please?"

"No problem..." I try to stay all calm and collected.

But I'm freaking out on the inside.

He turns around, and I take a good look at his body. He's toned, nicely built yet something so feminine sticks out about him. I drag the light blue sponge over his back in little circles, watching as the thick white foam built up.

He leans forward more, his cute ass sticking out just enough to get me hard.

I try to control my breathing as I let one hand rest on his hip, pulling him closer as I wash his lower back delicately.

I don't realize how hard I'm squeezing his hip until I look down at my own hand.

_Shit Axel...knock it off, you don't wanna scare him._

It doesn't seem to bother him though, how hard I'm holding on. He looks over his shoulder, and I can barely make out his small smile.

The steam and water escape the shower, making me sweat. At one point I stop scrubbing, unsure of what to do with myself in my aroused state.

"You..." I start out loud, overwhelmed by my own emotions for the first time in years. I can't remember the last time I had been so excited.

"You?"  
>I exhale excitedly, shaking my head, "You're so..."<p>

I hear him chuckle before he stands up straight. He looks over his shoulder and takes the sponge from me, "I'm so what?"

_Beautiful handsome pretty fine gorgeous cute hot sexy adorable-_

I can't stop myself from pulling him close to me, the bottom of the tub being the only thing separating us. He holds onto his manhood as I squeezed him from behind. The suds settled into my jacket and shirt as I began scrubbing the excess soap around his chest and abs.

_I'm in heaven..._

"A-Axel what are you doing I'm naked...!" He squeals, turning me on even more.

"I'm sorry. I can't help myself...you're stunning." I whisper the truth in his ear.

Sora blinks, staring me down over his wet shoulder, calming down as he held onto my arms. I nibble on the nape of his neck, tasting the spice of soap against his slick skin as I leave small marks behind. I hold onto his hips tight before he spins around. His eyes shyly fall to the ground, "...Axel..."

I hold his chin, lifting his face lightly to meet his eyes. I can't help but I admire the pitch black rings circling the blue of his eyes.

I see two beautiful specks of green in each of his glimmering eyes that I've never noticed before.

He holds me tight with both arms, falling into me with his soapy wet body and I...

I think about how comfortable I feel with him. How I feel holding him close to me.

He strokes my neck, looking at me with those soft eyes through his dripping brown bangs. I feel his heavy breathing against mine.

My arms become soaked as I caress him closely, the water from the shower head barely reaching us. I let my hands inch down to his cute ass as he scratches the back of my neck, his eyes pleading for more.

"You're so cute..." I whisper, to which he smiles even more.

I get so worked up...slowly deflowering my virgin.

I just want to make him happy...

I want to make him smile...like, every single day.

And...having to see the bruises on his delicate body enrages me. It pisses me the fuck off...I wish I could kill the fuckers who did this, but I wouldn't want to go against Sora's word.

In no way did they damage his beauty...he only shines brighter, dominating the scars on his body like it's nothing. He's so prideful, hiding the pain he must feel...I guess that's Sora though.

I graze my fingers over his body delicately, wishing I could heal his wounds with just a touch...

It's only now that I begin to think about love.

"_Perfect..." _I reiterate.

"You're not so bad yourself..." He chimes, his smile lighting up the whole room.

I hold onto his cheeks lightly, resting my forehead on his as we gaze into each others eyes.

It's only now that I feel the link forming in between our hearts.

We stare for a long while, smiling and kissing each other lightly.

I smirk, smacking his wet ass.

"Ow!" He jumps, rubbing his ass lightly.

I grin, giving him one more light peck before he seizes control.

**-x-**

Axel starts stripping his clothes off as I lick the inside of his mouth, my erection growing and growing as I hung onto him.

He gets nude, climbing in the shower as our bodies collide under the steaming hot water.

Our erections touch as he presses himself up against me harder. My fists clench wildly as I experience another man for the first time.

_"Ahhh...A...Axel..._" I moan, grinding into him as I clutched his shoulders tight.

"Relax..."He hums in my ear before nibbling lightly.

Easy for him to say. My emotions fluctuate wildly from being aroused to feeling down right scared. Thoughts scrambled through my head like...

Dying.

Becoming infected.

All these things they programmed me to...feel.

Despite my fears, I don't let it get the better of me.

I don't _want _it to get the better of me.

I _won't _let it.

I know I'm safe with him...

"I've...I've never..."  
>He grins, "That's okay...me neither..."<p>

He kisses me tenderly, rubbing his nose up against mine.

He pins my wrist above my head, smiling as he pressed his throbbing head up against mine, our precum stringing together.

He slaps his thick head up against mine, sending waves of pleasure through my body. I writhe in pleasure, gazing at his determined eyes.

_"You need more, aye...?"_ Axel groans into my ear as his hand grabs my aching wet cock.

I start feeling a way...I've...never felt before. I never expected his touch to feel so good.

I swallow hard.  
>He pumps slowly, pulling my skin and squeezing just right as his thumb circles my tip.<p>

"_Axel...Axel..._" Is all I can manage to moan.

His green eyes trail mine as he strokes me.

He watches my face fascinated by my moans. I see the excitement in his eyes growing, his teeth baring down hard on his bottom lip as I slowly begin thrusting my hips forward. A look of surprise crosses his face as I respond back to each of his strokes.

"Am I doin' it right babe...?" He asks sweetly and I close my eyes, leaning my head back.

"_Yes..." _I hiss.

He pushes the shower head away from us slightly.

He bites on my neck one last time before I feel him drop to his knees.

My eyes snap open and I look down, "Wait Axel I-"  
>"-<em>Relax.<em>" He scratches my chest down to my abs. I try to control my breathing and take a handful of his fiery red hair in my hand, pulling his lips away from my aching member.  
>"But...I...I've never...I don't know what I'm doing." I say embarrassed as I look ahead.<p>

He grins, holding my hard cock in his hand, "You think I don't know that?"

He laughs more.

"Axel..." I whine, running my fingers through my wet hair before rubbing the back of my neck anxiously.

He strokes it once, shutting me up.

"_Yeah?"_

"I-"

I take a shaky breath as he strokes it twice, hanging his long tongue out to show me how close his pierced muscle is close to my oozing head. I feel his hot breath as his lips close around tip, giving my head a generous kiss. A strand of precum connects to his lips as he pulls away. He licks himself free as my eye traces that shiny silver barbell.

"I can't put it all in, but I'll probably be able to work down more than half...Come on, don't tease me..."

The corner of his lips curl.

I grin like a dork, breathing excitedly, "O-Okay...!"

I let go of his hair, and his mouth goes down on my cock.

I breathe out, combing through my own hair as he eases up, coating my cock with his thick saliva. He slides me out, sucking slowly on each of my balls before swallowing me again.

I feel the small barbell rub up against my shaft and moan.

I remember the fantasies I would have of him giving me head in this very shower. To see him on his knees for me...in this very fucking shower...

To feel his tongue dragging up and down my cock...

_God, I want to fuck the shit out of your mouth._

I start moving my hips faster and faster, the slight teeth I feel only turning me on more.

As I buck up hard he chokes, slamming my hips back against the wall as he slides my cock out.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry...!" I hold the back of his neck.

He coughs for a few seconds before making eye contact with me again.  
>"Don't worry about me, I...I like it." He grins flustered, sliding me past his lips again.<p>

"Shit Ax..." I can't help but smile at his diligence.  
>He begins working harder, his tongue swirling around my tip before he pushes me in deeper.<p>

He looks at me and I smile, rolling my head back, _"Fuck..."_

He moans and the vibrations make me slow down as I back off the edge of climax. I look down and see his hard dick standing out from his flaming red bush, twitching and throbbing. He stares me down hard, and I feel myself...I mean...I can't...

His green orbs hold so much want.

So much need. They invite me out, I can't say no.

_How could I ever become so close to someone...?_

_Axel...how could you ever...?_

_You're so fucking wonderful..._

"You're so fucking gorgeous..." I tell him. I feel him smile.

_I...love...?_

_Love._

_Love.  
>Love.<em>

I lose any and all inhibitions here.

"Touch yourself..." I say.

"Hm?" He asks surprised, sucking harder.

"You fucking heard me. _Do it_." I command, yanking his hair towards me as I held his chin. Axel groans as I push his head down on me.

"Do it Ax..._uhh..._" I moan, pumping my cock in his mouth harder.

"Mmm..." He moans as he strokes himself.

I watch, hypnotized by his stunning appearance. His legs slightly spread, red hair wet against his sleek shoulders, water dripping down his chest, spreading out over his abs. His eyes half open with those cute purple diamonds right underneath... Rock hard in his grip as he strokes his pretty cock towards me.

_I think I..._

The harder he strokes, the faster I thrust.

I fuck his mouth as hard and fast as he allows.

He looks up with his lust ridden eyes fluttering.

"_Fuck..." _He pulls me out as he looks up with a painful gaze, pumping my dick in his hands so he could take a breather. I run my thumb down his saliva coated lips to his chin, sticking my thumb in his wet mouth to touch his barbell. He sucks on my thumb lightly before I pull it out.

"Fuck Sora...you taste so good..."He tells me, rubbing my abs and yanking on my necklace with his free hand.

I smile, biting my bottom lip.

"Don't...don't stop..._Milk that shit..._" I croak, bucking my hips up as fast as possible.

He strokes himself three more times before squirting, his hot cum hitting the insides of my leg.

"_S-Soraaaaahhhh...shit..." _He moans out, pumping me hard before taking my cock in again.

He drags the barbell up to my head, slipping it in the hole of my cock rapidly.

I shudder, yanking his head with both hands now. I feel my balls clench as blood rushes throughout my body.

My vision goes white, and I feel myself falling over the edge.

"Oh god..._Fuck..._!" I don't mind my volume, moaning as I feel myself spill down his throat.

"A...Axel...Oh god Axel...Yes..." I breathe, my cock twitching as it spurts me out fully.

He swallows every drop, wiping his mouth with that cocky grin afterward.

I let my head fall back, resting.

**-x-**

_Happy Thanksgiving, Sora._

I step out of my room a new man.

Virgin still? Yes, but not as much as I was an hour ago.

I don't care what anyone says, that's a good fucking step in the right direction.

We washed each other, kissing and squeezing, caressing each other almost to the point where we went again.

Afterward...

I slammed Axel against the wall in my room...and I held him down, tonguing him for an hour, begging for a round two before I let him go.

_'No, my jaw fucking hurts Sora. You can't go sticking your fucking dick anywhere you please any time you want now you know. I have needs too, like ibuprofen, and rest.'_

_Oh Axel...but your mouth. It's perfect._

He wasn't havin' it.

I can't blame him...I did make him choke. And that must suck.

Downstairs, the living room is crowded with my family. I nearly forgot I had a busted up face until people started staring.

I run back upstairs, downing four Vicodins before I present myself again.

I sit down at the kids table, saying hi to all my little kid relatives before Roxas taps my shoulder.

He looks to the front door and I follow him outside.

He taps his fingers, "Where's my soap, where's my shampoo, aaand what the fuck were you doing in there?"

I shove him, "I have 'em, and you tell me what the fuck you're doing telling people shit you're not supposed to be talking about?"

He laughs, "I was doing it for a good cause."  
>I look down, shoving my hands in my pocket, "You haven't been telling everyone everything, have you? You know I'd rather die then have that story going around..."<br>"Of course not. You seem happier anyways. Sure as hell _sounded _happier to Namine and I. The wall in your bathroom is next to my bed in case you forgot."

I blush, "Shut up...whatever."

"Seriously though..." Roxas looks down, "Axel really likes you. I mean..._really _likes you."  
>"...How would you know?"<p>

Roxas raises his eyebrows, "What, all those tests weren't enough? No one goes around getting tested every week unless they have a good reason. He also only has a picture of you in his phone, so, you know...that's kinda creepy."

"...Really? Thought he got rid of every trace of me..." I think back to the times he told me so.

"Well, he's a liar. But you already know that. I mean that in a good way this time too." Roxas pats my back.

I think about telling him how I feel about Axel...how I couldn't get that tricky 'L' word out of my head when we were in the shower earlier.

But it's probably too soon. It couldn't be l...

_Lo..._

_Love._

"Yeah. So, I need my shit back. So, you know, give it back. I've been grimy all day."

I frown, slapping him across his face.

"Ow!"  
>"That's for opening your big fucking mouth. Learn how to keep it shut."<br>I take a cigarette out, "Now go get it yourself."

He rubs his face, "Don't treat me like a bitch because you got half-laid you bitch..."

"Fuck you. Go inside."  
>"Asshole..." He leaves.<p>

**-x-**

Inside, everything is dark and quiet. The shades are all drawn, and I see the alarm system set up.

I creep upstairs and go inside my room, where Hiro and Rocko are laying on the floor.

"Oh, good. How'd things go? You've been gone all night." He asks.

They resume playing and I sit on my bed, a big grin on my face.

"I came back earlier, you were just sleeping. Things went...better than I thought." I nod, grinning.

"How so? Did he take you back?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"Really? Shit I'm surprised you didn't say anything stupid. So if you made up with him, what are you doin' here?"

"What am I gonna do over there while he's eating with his family?"  
>"Oh yeah. Almost forgot today was a holiday."<p>

I lay down and stare at the television, thinking about my mom. I mean, what the fuck could she be doing that's better than hanging out with her kids for one day? I mean...I guess I haven't been the greatest son, but Hiro doesn't deserve to get shunned as well because of my mistakes. I get it, she can't stand us...but would one day really be that bad? A few hours?

I wish I was with Sora...I miss him already.

I feel like I'm going crazy over him.

**-x-**

I sit at the table, shoveling my food around the plate as Donny talks about his 'projects' to his brothers and sisters. My mom cobbles to their every request, acting more like a waitress than a host as she runs around refilling glasses of water and wine. Aunt Mari is quietly following the scene, almost cringing as Donny's brother yells for more wine. "Rosie, sit down, take a break you've been running around all day." She tells my mom.

After a while, my mom finally sits down with plate and starts eating. Roxas joins the table after finishing his shower and suddenly everyone's all conversational.

"How you've been boy?"  
>"Met any new girls at school this year? I bet you're a lady killer like you're old man."<br>"What colleges you looking at? Get one with a good sports team or you're screwed."

God their loving comments never ends. Roxas is the golden child of us two. Donny's family don't really enjoy talking to me unless it includes some form of belittling. I was never keen on getting to know them anyway. Roxas never seems too eager to please them either. Answering with a yes, no or I don't know, most of the time.

I lay my head up against my fist, wishing for this meal to just end. Aunt Mari must've noticed how down I've been and holds my hand.

"How are you doing dear?" She asks with an endearing smile. I smile back, not wanting her to think that I'm just some depressed basket case.

"I've been good auntie."  
>"Your mom tells me you got into Twilight. How's that been? I hear it's a hard school to get into. Meet any new boys? Squall told me you've been getting along with one of his <em>older <em>roommates." She giggles.

Sometimes I feel like I love auntie Mari more than my actual mom who's knee deep in pleasing Donny's family.

We talk for a while uninterrupted until Donny's brother had to ask.

"Sora, what happened to ya face?" He asks across the table, a smug smile present on his face.

"That don't look like an accident..." Another one comments with a laugh.

I sigh, setting the fork down, "What does it look like to you?"

He shrugs, munching on a leg, "I dunno, like someone knocked you one. Hope you got that fighting over a girl."  
>Donny laughs, "I wish. I've tried everything to get this boy to see straight. Now that he's gone, livin' on his own he's gay as shit. One thing he knows now is that being a faggot comes with consequences."<p>

They all laugh together and my fists ball as I take the place as the table's punching bag. I look at my mom, hoping that she'd get the guts to tell Donny off for me once in my life. But no, she's quiet, suddenly attentive to the food on her plate she hardly cared to touch minutes ago when Donny was bossing her around.

"That's not very nice." My aunt voices and they laugh even harder.

"Nice? Mari, I love ya, but the boys gotta understand that the world's not very nice. I mean, look at him. You can't tell me that being gay is worth that bad of a beat down. You just can't. I say, get over it and find a nice girl to settle down with. Live a normal life it ain't that hard, and it ain't that bad."

"You know what? Fuck you." Was what I was about to say until Roxas took the words straight out of my mouth. The table went silent and the smiles on their faces were wiped clean.

"Is this what you call a fucking Thanksgiving? Is this what you guys got up to do today? To fucking rag on my older brother just because you can? Look at yourselves, you fucking old fat ugly bastards-"  
>"-Roxas-"<br>"-No! Fuck you, and fuck that!" He stands up coming to my defense. I tried hard to keep from looking surprised, but this is a first. I don't know what lit the fire under his ass, but he's going off today.

"Sora literally sat down and didn't say one fucking word to you guys and you fuckin' bastards insist on starting something. Well, you know what? Fuck that."  
><em>"<em>No ones saying anything bad to you just sit down-"  
>"-It doesn't need to be said to me! He's my older fucking brother, <em>Jesus Christ<em>! I'm not gonna watch you guys talk shit about him for no fucking reason! You guys come around _one _time a year and this is what you fucking do and I'm sick of it. Every year!"  
>"Roxas sit down!" Donny shouts, finally having enough of his righteousness.<p>

"No fuck you! What did he ever do to you guys? Huh?" Roxas stalled, his fist balled as his face became red with anger.  
>I worry about him, and I want to stop him. But something tells me he needs this more than anything.<p>

As things began to escalate, the kids are ushered out of the room and Donny's sisters leave to watch after them. Aunt Mari is present, looking back and forth between us wildly as my mom rubs her eyes out. Donny's two brothers stay behind, backing the asshole up. They're all drinking their beers and sipping on their wine. Everyone knows this is going no where but downhill.

"Look Roxas, I understand where you're coming from, but think of your mom. Think she likes seeing her son come home like that? Why would any son put his mom through that? You're father cares-"  
>"-Oh really? Is that what you thought when you saw what your fucking brother did to us when we were kids?! Huh?! Oh, '<em>poor Rose, she has to look at those ugly fucking bruises that Donny gave her sons when he was high on fucking meth'!"<em>

Donny pushes the chair out from under him and everyone gets up, building a barrier between the two. I held onto Roxas wrist lightly, knowing that if he makes the first move the cops are gonna get called. I refuse to let it happen. I start shoveling food in my mouth with my free hand, clearing my plate in under a few minutes just so the Vicodin doesn't eat away the lining of my stomach. I feel high, but it's hard to turn off with all the fucking commotion.

I just want to start nodding off already.

"Shut up Roxas!"  
>"Why don't you make me? Show your fucking brothers what you're made of huh! You like showing your wife and kids after all!"<p>

"Sora _ain't_ my kid. I don't give two shits what happens to him." Donny waivers his hand.

Roxas chuckles, "But you care whether he's gay or not. You're fucking pathetic, is that really all you can say?"  
>"You may have graduated, but you still live under my house, under my rules. I don't have to let you go to college if I don't want you to. So sit down and be a good fucking kid."<br>"Don't make me laugh! You won't have a choice in a few months so get your fill I'm not scared of you!"

He's shaking, tears falling down his face from sheer anger. Donny starts laughing, shaking his head at the sight of his kid crying, "Pathetic? Look at the pot calling the kettle black, the least you can do is end things like a man. Look at you crying like a pussy over their over your brother. He ain't even cryin', you're making a fuckin' fool outta yourself. Be a man..."  
>"Shut up you stupid motherfucker!" Roxas chokes on his sobs, his crystal blue eyes looking amongst the room before he starts punching the table over and over again. The plates clatter and bounce, glasses spill over as he gets it all out, each punch sounding harder than the last.<p>

"You better knock that shit off! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Donny points at Roxas.

"Fuck you!" He slides his plate off the table and it crashes to the floor, food and all.  
>"Why can't you be a real fucking dad!? I had a dad before you came along! Our lives were perfect!" He slams his fists on the table, his knuckles fresh with blood.<p>

"Roxas, sweetie..." My mom finally stands up, but her attempt to care proves futile.

"Shut up. Don't fucking talk to me I don't want to hear you...!" Roxas cries, covering his eyes.  
>"Mom, just stop." I finally say. "You're trying to excuse the wrong behavior for all the wrong reasons."<p>

"You boys need to calm down, this is supposed to be Thanksgiving not fight night..."

She can't even look me in the eyes.

"We need to calm down? Without everyone here, Donny would be pounding us with his fists. Yet you insist on giving him a pass when his family is around. Doesn't it bother you that your family doesn't come around anymore except for Mari? Doesn't it bother you that the man you once loved hasn't came around to say hi to his kid once. Even he accepted Roxas as his kid, but you just pushed him away. For some reason, you think Donny is the glue to our family. Newsflash he isn't. He's just another deadbeat, mooching off of you for all you're worth. I could care less what happens here anymore, or how mad Roxas wants to get. Because in the end, he deserves to be mad at you guys. There's something seriously wrong with this fucking picture, but you just ignore it until you can't anymore. We get tired of it, _mom._"

She frowns, looking down at the table before shaking her head. But she doesn't say a word.

Predictable.

"So you boys deserve the world and she gets nothing? Shit what's the matter with you kids? Whatever happened to respecting your elders?" Donny's brother asks.

"Elders? What kind of respect are you looking for? Oh, I respect you because you hate me? I respect you because you got nothing better to do than bash me when all the other 364 days of the year you're-you're sleeping in your moms fucking basement? Are you kidding me?"  
>"That big mouth is what probably got you in trouble at school so I wouldn't talk if I were you."<p>

"I don't doubt for a second that my big mouth didn't get me beat. Just because I got hurt doesn't mean I'm gonna shut up. I'm not afraid of you."  
>Donny's brother stood up and started pushing people aside to get to me, "Your kids need a fucking whooping."<p>

All I can think of is my unwillingness to get hurt again. I look to the middle of the table and grab the large cutting knife used on the turkey. Everyone stumbles back, and I realize the situation may be getting out of hand.

But I can do this if he wants to do this.

"Come near us and I'll fucking end you." I point it towards his direction.  
>"Fuckin' pussy. I'd like to see you do it I'll rip that knife right outta your gay hands."<br>"Come and see bitch...Try and take it, _I'll gut you you fat fuck..._" I say through clenched teeth, griping the handle of the knife hard.

I hear my mom and Mari pleading with everyone to calm down. Eventually Donny's sister comes in and threatens the situation with cops. Mari comes to my side, holding my hand fearlessly as she makes me loosen the grip on my knife, "That's enough Sora...you and Roxas take a break and go outside."

His voice still booms across the table as he calls us ungrateful little shits, telling everyone he'd take us out himself.

"Come on Roxas." I say.

I drop the turkey coated knife on the floor and leave the kitchen.

**-x-**

"Well, that went better than I thought..." I mutter to myself sarcastically as I smoke a cigarette with my aunt, waiting for Roxas to put on his shoes. Things calmed down for the most part after we both decided to ditch the place. My mom is no where to be found as Donny and his family talk shit about us around moms food.**  
><strong>

"I tell ya, you boys got nerves of steel. I don't know where you get it, Rose is a pushover unfortunately. Must come from your father..."

_Dad..._

_I wonder how he's doing._

_You know what?...Who cares._

"It's got nothing to do with genetics..." Roxas says, closing the front door.

"...We just adapted."

"Where you boys headed to?"

"My boyfriend's house."  
>"You're coming back right?"<br>I shrug before she stands up, holding onto my shoulders.

"Your mother loves you both _very _much. Don't leave without visiting her for a while okay? It would break her heart..."  
>"She doesn't care."<br>"No no no shhh...she does. I know it doesn't look like it, but trust me she does. She only wants the best for both of you, okay?"  
>Mari rubs my shoulders and I nod.<p>

She hugs us both, promising to keep the peace before bidding us adieu.

Me and Roxas start the walk to Axel's house, the skies darkening as the rain clouds grew overhead.

"You didn't need to do that." I tell him after we get away from home.

"I know that. I just couldn't help myself, they piss me off. You're not their blood, but you're mine."  
>We sigh, and the rain starts falling.<p>

He grabs my hand, "I can't wait to leave this fucking hell hole."  
>He says.<p>

"Me too Roxas..."


	27. Chapter 27

It...he was soft.

Sweet.

Something so stern about the way he treated me.

I saw a light go off in his eyes. The look in his eyes when he abandoned his plan.

How he demanded only the best from me. I would be stupid to give Sora any less.

I'll never forget it.

He yanked me around.

Made me choke.

I don't know why, but he makes my heart race.

He makes me smile.

He makes me do all these things I thought I'd never voluntarily do.

Damn...I mean, I can't stop thinking about him.

I try not to get carried away, seeing as though my brother's in the room. But...after that experience it's hard not to have all these thoughts running through my head.

I want to be his first.

I run my hand through my hair, taking a deep breath.

"What the hell are you so happy about?" Hiro asks frustrated by Rocko.

"Huh, oh...Nothing." I can't help but melt into a small smile, just thinking about Sora.

"Yeah right, you keep getting that _derp _smile. It's pissin' me off..."

"Hey, Hiro?"  
>"Yeah, what?" He throws a blanket over his shoulders before opening the door. Rocko runs out and he looks around, checking to make sure the coast is still clear.<p>

"Eh...never mind."  
>He gasps, suddenly interested in what I had to ask, "Aw, what is it?"<p>

"Nothing." I murmur.

"_Whaaaaat?" _He whines, sitting on the edge of my bed.'

"Tell me! I wanna know!"

I cross my arms, "Nothing, go away..."  
>"You've been doing that derp smile and you're blushing, I take it that it's about Sora?" He asks with a smile.<p>

"No."  
>"What is it? TELL ME! Don't leave me hangin'..."<p>

"_Ugh..._Do you...I mean..."  
>I look to the t.v then back to him.<p>

"How do you know...when you're in love?"

He stares at me for a few seconds, blinking. He smiles, "You either feel it or you don't. If you're asking me that question, then you're probably in love. Can't you feel it?"

**-x-**

Me and Roxas sit on the staircase outside of Axel's place now. The rain has begun falling again, and the skies have turned dark. I bite the inside of my lips, fighting back the feelings of abandonment. I take a deep breath every time it feels as though it's all becoming too much.

Why'd I come back? Have any of them even fought while I was gone?

Am...Am I the problem? I must be...

I glance over to Roxas, his hoodie barely hanging off his wet blonde hair. He stares into the street aimlessly, as though he has enough problems of his own to be bothered with mine.

"Roxas?"  
>"Hm?" He sits up.<p>

"Do you blame me?"  
>"What?"<p>

"For the way our lives turned out...do you blame me?" I look him dead in the eyes, needing to hear the truth more than anything. He frowns, shaking his head.

I ask, "Do you think...if I became straight and brought home a girl...then maybe, just maybe Donny wouldn't be the way he is right now?"

I hear a growl from him and he moves to face me, "Are you kidding me right now? Donny is his own problem, not you. I don't even know why you would ask me that..." He crosses his arms.

I sigh, looking up at the sky.

The image of dad and I flash through my head and I look down quickly, biting the inside of my lips as I began to shake.

I wrap my arms around myself tightly.

Where the fuck is he...?!

...Am I really so selfish?

Is it selfish, knowing that Roxas will always love me...to think about how I want more? More love from my mother...more from my father...?

"I just...I just wish he never left..." I couldn't hold myself in anymore. I start bawling like a kid.

Hurt and ashamed...

Roxas scoots close, putting his arm around my shoulders and holding me tight.

"Tell me Roxas...is it my fault? Do you...do you hate me?" I cry out.

"Never..." He says softly.

"Because...I hate myself for what I've done."

**-x-**

I walk down the stairs to let Rocko out for Hiro. The wind is blowing fiercely now, the sound of rain pounding away at glass echoes through the house. Rocko hops on his paws, excited because he gets to do his _business _outside in the cold I guess, I dunno. Dogs are weird.

I turn on the porch light and open the front door. Rocko speeds right out before running back.  
>"Don't like rain?"<p>

I look outside and see Sora and Roxas looking over their shoulders at me. I smile, happy to see him again.

"What are you guys doing here?"

A longer look and I see how red Sora's eyes and nose are.

He's been crying.

**-x-**

I kick Hiro out so Sora and I can have the room to ourselves. He saunters in behind me, kicking his shoes off before falling on my bed. He hasn't said a word to me yet, and I'm starting to worry. He flips on his stomach, squeezing my pillow tight as he watches the t.v screen. I sit next to him and simply rub his back. His skin is cold to the touch. He breathes carefully, as though he's walking on eggshells...

"Sorry I showed up unannounced." He finally says quietly.

"It's okay." I smile at him.

He smiles back, but it's pushed. It fades just as quick, and I know something must have happened.

"What's wrong?" I ask.  
>"I don't think...I'm really welcomed there for Thanksgiving."<br>"What? What do you mean?"

He grunts. Swallows.

"I don't really want to talk about it. It's...no big deal."

So I held him in my arms.

I held him until he fell fast asleep.

**-x-**

_Running._

_I._

_Can't._

_Stop._

_The running..._

_My chest beats rapidly as I work my way through the thick groves of the forest._

_I see people, but am too afraid to stop._

_Wake me up!_

_I run..._

_Run, run._

_Until I approach a building, one light over the steel door._

_I have no where to go but in._

_Inside, piles of trash grow. They climb to the ceiling, taking me to the top with it._

_I sit down on the trash._

_I don't feel quite like myself.  
>I'm <strong>stuck.<strong>_

_I shake._

_The door that let me in is now gone. The lights in this dingy place swings._

_Back...and forth._

_Slow._

_I climb past the rotten animal carcasses to the windows._

_Outside there is nothing but the red sea._

_Waves climb, crawl the skies higher than I thought possible before they crash._

_Crash into me._

_Crash into the building, leaving nothing but rubble._

_I am choking._

_I am running._

_I..._

_I find the field._

_I see the hole._

_The pitch black hole._

_Laughter and wicked teeth stare me down._

_And I'm walking._

_I'm going in._

_And I can't stop._

_I want to._

_But I can't-_

**–**

"Sora! Sora!"

I'm screaming.

Frigid and shaking.

I gasp for air, the sweat cold against my body as Axel held onto my arms. A look of fear and concern was upon him, and just as quick as I woke up, I forgot most of what I had dreamed about.

"...Are you okay?" He asks.

I just shake my head in silence, biting my shame away with the lining of my lips. I listen to the random talk on the television, being brought back to reality little by little. I try hard to remember, but except that it's not gonna come back to me.

"Fine." I say after a while. I crawl over his body, wiping away the sweat from my face as I pull on my shorts.

I pull a cigarette out and walk downstairs, not saying anything to Axel.

In the kitchen I drink a bunch of water to soothe my dry throat.

All I feel is sadness.

Why can't I just be strong enough?

I'm fucking weak.

Depressed...

Angry.

I wish I was dead.

I go into the dining room and sit at the large table in the dark.

Alone.

**-x-**

I decide to give Sora a few minutes alone to brood. It's kind of weird having him be so dismissive of his behavior.

Like...he never wants to tell me what's on his mind. And maybe that's not the case, maybe it's just me.

I don't know, it's just new.

I run my fingers across the sheets and feel how soaked it got. He must've had some serious nightmare to start sweating and screeching that much. After changing the sheets I go check on him.

Downstairs I check around the living room and go straight to the dining room.

He's in the dark, head on his crossed arms as he flicks his cigarette free of ashes. He doesn't budge.

He doesn't speak.

I hold back my urge of yelling 'What the fuck happened to you?!' for his sake.

I sit next to him and grab his hand. He looks up for a second before letting his gaze fall to the table again.

"What'd they...do to you?" I ask, but it was almost unintentional.

He frowns, shaking his head.

_"Nothing." _He spats out offended.

"Sora I don't like it when you keep shit from me...just tell me what happened."

"That's too fucking bad then isn't it!" He snaps, gripping the edges of the table with his hands.

I was taken aback, but not as much as he was. Sora eyes widen and he trembles, sitting back, "I'm so sorry."  
>"No, it's okay."<br>"Really, I'm sorry." He pulls his hands back into his lap, looking away from me.

"No it's fine."  
>"It's just...I'd rather forget it." He sighs, holding his head in his hands.<p>

"Sora...what happened? Please tell me."

He puts out his cigarette and scoots in closer to the table.

"I really don't want to repeat it." He's red, eyeing me nervously.

Before I could tell him that it was okay, to forget about it, he starts speaking.

He told me everything that happened.

From the point he left his dorm to when he got carried back.

Told me about this _Seifer _and _Rai._

Told me about the shortcut.

What they did to him...

Even the guy who got his ass out of there.

He told me about his Thanksgiving, and all the other random little details on his mind.

And I listened to it all of course. From start to finish.

"Anyways...I'm over it. It's not like thinking about them helps. Yeah, I'm over it. Let's go." He smiles wide.

What a facade, he owns it. Instead of calling Sora out, I let him retreat with his emotions. Sometimes picking them clean does nothing but hurt a guy even more, and I've been there.

But...

But...I was curious. This _guy._

This "friend" of his...

I felt awkward and bad for bringing him up out of everything after Sora decided to be honest with me.  
>But I'm having a little jealous streak that's killing me.<p>

"So...this dude...did you...you know?"

As I expected, Sora looked pretty irritated that I'd bring him up.

"Did I _what?_"

I wasn't sure what I was looking for exactly. I guess I'm looking for details, anything really.

"Did you...um...?"

I knew that the chances of them fucking or anything was incredibly slim, but I just wanted confirmation.

I could tell the uneasiness in his actions as he twiddled his thumbs, "You really wanna know?"

He chuckles.

"We're just friends..."

_Phew..._

"_..._But we've kissed."

I swallow away my discomfort, remembering that I intentionally fucked a stripper that looked like him for weeks. I mean, there's no beating that.

"I mean, he's older. Much older to be honest. And he's not the dating type. We've kissed, twice, but that's as far as it's gotten. We're just good friends."

I cross my arms and sit back.

"To be honest...I think I liked Reno so much because he kind of reminded me of you."

?

"It's funny, how we both kind of found replacements for a while."

It was a lot to take in. And _now _I'm starting to get the whole idea of what I put him through.

And how little he retaliated.

Holy shit I am an asshole.

My head hurts.

I sat in the dark with him, letting the awkwardness stew carefully. What was I to expect? He's amazing...

No way anyone smart enough would pass him up.

**-x-**

"How much longer are you staying?" Axel asks me.  
>"One more day."<p>

"Are you going back home?"  
>"If only to get my stuff. Thanksgiving is pretty much over, she doesn't need me."<p>

Axel shrugs, "Your call."

He holds onto my waist close, gazing at me deeply.

Something bothered him so much, I could see it in his eyes. I hope I didn't make him mad...

"Axel are you okay?"

He only blinks slowly before backing me into the wall as he leaned in close, his breathe warm on my lips.

Axel slams his lips into mine, not giving me a second to catch my breath. His hands wrap around my waist and crawl up the nape of my neck, making me shiver with pleasure. After a few moments I couldn't resist, I wrapped my arms around his slender neck, grabbing hold of his beautiful red strands.

He slowly inches up my shirt, his smile growing wider as I let him explore my upper torso freely. My breathing becomes heavy and I start to get hard as he presses his body up hard against mine.

He rests his arm on the wall above our heads, giving me time to breathe as he lightly pecked the side of my mouth.

He stares me down.

I can't help but feel like he has something to tell me.

He holds my chin softly as he pecks my lip.

He stares me down once again and I knew he had something to say.

He bites my bottom lip hard, ready to rip off my clothing. I gasp at the slight pain but again he doesn't give me time to breath,

The door shakes a bit and in walks Hiro.

"Get out." Axel growls.

"Got it." Hiro makes a quick u-turn out.

**-x-**

After another steamy night at Axel's I came home briefly to pack my bags before my flight home.

The departure was cold, I didn't make much eye contact with mom. She received it well, or so it seemed. Smiling and making small talk with Roxas before my cab arrived.

I smoked and smoked and smoked, throwing one finished bud to the ground after another. My high slowly began to kick in as I shook, waiting in the frigid air. When mom asked me what was wrong, I blamed it on the cold.

The reality was, I was sick and tired of hearing her voice.  
>My love and homesick feeling towards her had been replaced with something I can almost call hate.<p>

I just wanted to get on the fucking plane.

Thank God for Vicodin.

The cab pulls up and honks.  
>I toss my last cigarette and stand up.<p>

She looks upset.

"I'll see you later mom, love you."  
>I planned on hugging her quick, but her small frame holds on tight.<p>

I couldn't hold her back longer than five seconds.

I just couldn't.

My arms slowly fell to my side as she continued to hug on tight.

"I love you too Sora. Be safe, call me when you get back." She says in a shaky voice.

"Yeah." I turn around and head to the cab with my bag. Roxas hops in the cab afterward.

She waves as we pull away.

I give a half ass smile, frowning to my hearts desire as the house is left behind.

Roxas sees this, and probably gets my upset vibes himself.

He tries to make small talk, but I can't bring myself to care. I answer with yes, no, and maybe's. By the time I'm at the airport, I'm nodding off madly.

I start daydreaming, snapping my eyes open every three seconds to make sure everything's okay and to move along accordingly.

"You okay Sora?"  
>"I'm fine." I mumble. We take a seat right before the security gates and I rest my head on his shoulder.<p>

"How high are you?"  
>I don't answer, the blanket of warmth keeping me shut. I don't care to answer much, and he starts talking about my careless actions at the airport, but I'm somewhere else in my head.<p>

Somewhere warm, quiet, interesting. My dreams are fusing with reality, and before long I start knocking out.

I feel like I'm on top of clouds, filled with clouds.

I fall asleep for who knows how long before I wake up to Axel.

I look around, a little confused but so happy that he came to see me off.  
>He laughs, probably at how stupidly surprised I look before kissing me.<p>

"We switched out shoulders, he needed to use the bathroom."  
>"Oh..."<p>

I lay on Axel's lap and look up at him somberly. He raises his eyebrow, "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna miss you." I say honestly.

It feels like heaven every time I'm with him.

His smile fades slightly, "I know. One more month, I'll be there before you know it."

He caresses my face, giving me a big smile.

It sets off a reaction in my head, I start feeling better.

I wonder why he doesn't smile all of the time...

I squeeze his hand tight, and I suddenly don't want to leave Destiny Island all over again.

My brother gets back and they start having a conversation.

I listen to his soothing voice, staying fixated on his mannerisms. I let his eyes brand their identity within my mind.

I slowly grasp the concept that I may be falling in love with him.

**-x-**

**Winter 2013**

I get off the flight a few hours later and board the usual string of buses and trains before I make it back home.

I rush through the parking lot and see my car parked in the usual spot. Inside there were bags and bags of fast food and random junk. I look down at the tires and instantly know they drove it somewhere.

_Hayner..._

I rush up the stairs eager to jump in bed and relax a little.

I hear Demyx singing lazily as his guitar strums. Laughter.

I unlock the door and see our small room...messier than usual.

Hayner and Dem hanging upside down on my bed, the smell of weed strong through the air.

"Sora!" They rejoice in an uplifting manner.  
>"Hey guys. Hayner, my car keys?"<br>"In the fridge."  
>"The fridge? Why?"<p>

He scoffs, "Do you see this place? The fridge is the safest bet if you ever wanted to find it again. How was home?"

I shake my head, "Alright, I guess."  
>"Hey, you should know, Fuu came by and got her stuff."<br>"Oh, cool." I go toward the closet, eager to take my keys out of the fridge.

"Um, not cool." Dem interjects, stopping me in my path.

"Yeah, she was pissed."

"What? Why?"

Dem and Hayner look at each other and look away.

They stutter over each other before going awkwardly silent.

"What is it?"  
>"She was super pissed at what happened to Rai."<br>"Yeah three of his teeth got kicked out and his jaw was busted. He had to have surgery or somethin'."

"Did he really?"  
>"He came home crying, and they took him to the hospital. He's <em>still <em>in there I think."  
>"And she's pissed at me?"<p>

"Yeah." They both conclude.

I sigh, "What'd she say?"  
>"Nothing to us at least."<p>

"Yeah Pence told us right before she came over. She was yelling at him about it or some shit. When she came over she just asked for her stuff and left."

I sigh, "Great..."

**-x-**

Despite the depression looming from everything that's happened recently, I made it a goal to study as hard as possible. Day in and day out I start my day with gross coffee and a small breakfast before relentlessly hitting the books.

Hour to hour.

Back to back, with only twenty minute breaks every two hours.

Axel calls me every morning, afternoon and night to see how I'm doing.

Me and Hayner sit at the desk, swapping bored glances every now and then, the sound of shuffling papers and pencil touching paper acting as our music.

I lean back in my chair, staring out the window into the cold desolate outside world.

All of the leaves had shriveled up and died.

_I wonder what it'd be like if it snowed..._

_Does snow crunch in your mouth like snow cones?_

_Hm...wonder...if, like, if I grabbed some snow and added flavored syrup...would it taste good?_

_That sound like a pretty good fucking way of making money. But it's already been done before..._

I hard smack comes across my cheek.

I smile as Hayner gives a wag of the finger, "Get back to work! No procrastinating..."

"Thanks." I pick up my text book and start reading again.

A few more hours pass on before our attention span starts dwindling off extremely.

Hayner and I sat up straight, just staring out of the window.

Pointless, useless thoughts come and go.

I start stretching, giving excuse to my laziness.

Hayner gets up and brings back this _huge _bucket of cheese balls.

He holds it and starts throwing them in his mouth.

I glance over.

"Can I have some?"

He glances down at his cheese balls before he glances back at me.

"You want...some of my balls Sora?"

"Shut up. They're chips."

"No," He turns the label towards me, "The label here clearly states that they are cheese _balls. _You...you want some of my cheese balls?" He asks with a wicked grin.

I look forward, "Hayner don't make me do this. I need to study."  
>"Say it. Say you want some of my cheesy balls." He could barely utter out the last part without laughing.<p>

I smile, "I...I want-"

"-What? We can't hear you." He holds the tub up as he cups his ear.

"I said...I want some of your cheese balls."

He starts cackling, "Yeah...yeah you do."

"Give me some-"

I reach over to his bucket but he yanks it away, "-Nope. Close your eyes."

"No."  
>"Do it!"<br>I sigh, closing my eyes reluctantly.

"Tell me you want my balls."  
>"Fuck you."<br>"Do it."

"...I want your-"  
>He launches a handful of cheese balls at my face.<p>

"That's it!" I yank the tub from his hand and throw him to the ground before we start wrestling. Cheese balls continuously get crunched under our weight.

"You have no balls, you hear me Hayner?" I breathe heavily as he laughs under my restraint.

Someone knocks on the door.

"Come in."

Pence opens the door slightly, "Lazy shits... Hope you're finished with your finals." Pence drops off a stack of notes on the desk before walking out.

"He looks tired."  
>"Yeah."<p>

"...We should probably get back to work."

"Yeah? Think so cheese dick?" I smack him and head back to my desk.

I check my phone and see a text from Sasori.

_"I've got something you might be interested in. I'm on campus for the next few hours if you want it."  
>"What is it? I need to get to studying."<br>"It'll help, I promise. If you want it I'm downstairs in the lobby."_

I crawl to my desk and look at my workload for the day. If I want to get even a third of my math homework and three essay's done by tomorrow night I'm gonna need some help.

Although the only upper I could think of other than caffeine is coke, and I can't see myself getting anything done with that stuff.

I start working on my math, seeing numbers and lines starting to fade into one big ball of nothing.

...It couldn't hurt to see what he had to offer.

"I'll be back." I say before heading out.

I jump down the stairs and go through the double doors to the lobby. It's quiet, a few guys studying at a table with some making popcorn. Sasori waves me over and I sit across from him.

He slides over an open book, two orange pills resting in the crease.

"What is it?"  
>"Adderrall. Granted they aren't mine...so I'm really trying to get rid of them. It'll help you study."<br>"Never heard of it."  
>He cocks his eyebrows, "Never?"<br>"No."  
>"How'd you get through high school?"<p>

"Caffeine."

He leans his head up against his hand and smiles, "Impressive."

"How much?"  
>"Free. Like I said, they aren't mine so I'm trying to get rid of them. It's actually a pretty good deal, considering how controlled they are nowadays. You won't find these anywhere in Twilight Town as they are illegal to prescribe here. You interested?"<p>

I think of how much I've been slacking off in the past hour...

I'm good at concentrating at the very last moment, but I don't want to get to the point.

"Why not."

He nods, pushing over a small tin can. I take that plus the ones in the book.  
>"Thanks."<p>

"Any time."

**-x-**

I rush up the stairs to my room again.

Hayner looks over his shoulder, "Where'd you go?"  
>"Sasori gave me these."<br>I sit next to him and open the tin. About ten little orange pills covered the bottom.

"He gave you those for free?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

"...Can I have one?"  
>"Yeah."<p>

Hayner grabs on one and starts chewing.  
>"Uh, what are you doing?"<br>"These mints taste like shit..." He says, chasing it down with water.

"What? No! Those weren't mints!"  
>Hayner stands up, "Are you kidding me?! Sora I have a shit-ton of homework to finish by the end of the week what the hell did you give me?"<br>"It's, I-I don't remember!"  
>"What?!"<br>"It's supposed to help you study! I don't even know why you started eating one!"  
>"You showed me a goddamn mint can what the fuck did you think I was gonna do!?"<p>

I sit over next to him and pop a pill myself before holding onto his shoulders, "It's fine. It'll be alright, it's supposed to help us study so let's just calm the fuck down and do this, alright?"

Hayner sighs, reluctantly getting back to work as he curses me under his breath.

**-x-**

It started with light intellectual conversation to the background of music. Anything that came to mind we openly spoke about. This blended seamlessly with our ability to focus on work. I'm attentive and alert, with the added euphoria of something on par with my usual vicodin high.

It reminded me of the cocaine Axel had on the boat. Not as extreme, but just as pleasurable.

As it hits twelve midnight, I get a call from Axel and answer.

"Hey what's up?"  
>"Nothing...what are you up to?"<br>"Homework remember?"  
>"...Oh yeah. How's it going?"<p>

I don't realize how fast I'm talking but Axel caught on and commented, "Whoa whoa whoa, how much coffee have you been drinking? Kidney stones."

I laugh, "I can tell you're tired-"

"-as hell."  
>"I just took some...I don't know I forgot what it was called."<br>"Don't tell me you swallowed a bunch of meth."  
>"What? No! It''s amazing Axel I-"<p>

And I went on and on and on about everything I've accomplished, reiterating how little I had to do for finals now because of the magical pill.

As much as I spoke, he let me spill it all out before speaking again, starting with a slight chuckle.

"I miss you."

We talk a little while longer, before we say goodnight.

He reminds me to take it easy so I wouldn't get a heart attack.

I get back to work and before I know it, it's four in the morning.

Our enigmatic stimulated conversations dwindled down to nothing but silence and I felt the hard hammer of crashing hit me. My head ached and I felt severely dehydrated since I skipped out on drinking water that whole time. I'm happy that I got a lot of work done, but I just feel like crap.

I glance over and notice that Hayner may be in the same boat as me. He stares out of the window exhaustion heavy on his face. He gripped the pencil in his hands tight, but nothing more came from him.

We were emptied ink cartridges, useless.

I lay my head down on the desk with a loud thud, signifying my vote to quit for the night.

He adamantly agrees, loudly shutting his texts books and tossing his pencil behind him.

"I'm done. We smell like sweat."

We start settling in for the night (morning?), texting whoever the fuck and munching on snacks bought from the lobby vending machines. My stomach burned, but I had no appetite.

As shitty as I felt, I knew that I'd be in for another day of pills tomorrow.

I can't wait until I graduate already.


	28. Chapter 28

It's the last day of my first term at Twilight and I feel on top of the world.

Most of my finals went over well and I even got back some of my grades.

As long as I'm scoring A's and B's I'm good.

After my last class, I head up to my room and grab my bag before heading across town to Dem's dorm for the first time.

Downstairs in the lobby, I notice Fuu talking quietly to Pence. I think about ignoring her, seeing as though she's been avoiding me ever since what happened. But...something comes over me and I can't stand to leave without speaking to her.

She sees me approaching and looks to the ground nervously. I look around for Seifer before saying anything to her.

"Fuu, can we talk?"

I invite her to the stairwell as she stares down.  
>I look around, uncomfortable due to her silence.<p>

She acts as though we were never friends...and I can't lie, it bothers me.

"Fuu...did I...do something bad to you?" I ask cautiously.

"What a loaded question..." She mutters, frowning.

"Fuu, I'm only trying to understand. What'd I do to you? I don't get why you have to avoid me all of the sudden."  
>"Rai...he's my brother okay? So when I see him come home with his jaw hanging off his fucking face I don't feel good about it." She says coldly.<p>

"Fuu...I didn't-I..." I didn't know how to go about explaining myself.

"I didn't do it." It's true. What's more true is that they attacked me.  
>"I know that. You got your boyfriend to."<p>

I become red.

"Boyfriend? Reno's not my boyfriend..."

I speak up.

"Fuu, I don't think you know the whole story-"  
>"-Spare me. All I know is that whatever they did to you wasn't nearly as bad as what you did to him. What's wrong with you? He was in the hospital for a good while, your boyfriend paralyzed part of his fucking face." She raised her voice.<p>

I remember them tying me up against the pole, ready to slice my face open...I felt the bridge of my nose and hold my mouth close, remembering the rock that was hurled straight in my face.

I got pissed.

And once she started, I was quick to shut her up.

"I don't know what kind of person you think your brother and his friend is, or why you'd even believe them after what happened to your eye, but they had it coming. You don't fucking tie a guy up and expect to be in the clear just because you know a fucking cop. And it wasn't like I called him over, Reno did it because he saw what the fuck was happening, unlike you. You...you weren't there. You didn't see the rock they threw at my face, or the way they busted my ribs. You didn't see shit."

The eye part, it slipped out. It really did. It was just a rumor I had no evidence of. I was just so pissed.

She looks me dead in the eye, "What a malicious lie your friends spoon fed you. I believed you were smarter than that. I-I...really liked you too."

Fuu turns around and rushes to the doors before turning back towards me.

She holds up her lavender bangs, staring me down hard with her two eyes, a visible scar over her 'fake eye'.

"Here's that fake eye you and your friends talk about so much...it's not so fake now is it? Do you see the monstrosity of a face I have, you fucking imbecile! " Tears stream down her face.

It wasn't fake. Her eyes hovered back and forth, tears dropping out like it was nothing. And I feel like such a douche.

She lets go of her hair before rushing out. I didn't have time to voice my apologies.

_Fuu...shit._

I sigh, feeling the emotional sting of an open wound.

I sit in the stairwell for a while before Pence walks in.

"What...happened?" He asked.

I shake my head, rubbing my eyes before I walked out.

I _hate _losing friends.

**-x-**

I sulk all the way to Sunset, thinking of all the things they could've possibly told her about what happened. Thinking about how much of a dick I was to her.

Time to go back and dispel that fake eye rumor...

On the other hand, I'm sick and tired of Seifer and Rai getting a pass for their ridiculously rude behavior.

My blood boils thinking how easy they got one over on me.  
>With the little cash in my wallet, I head to the pawn shop near Sunset campus and browse and all the random collection of items they had.<p>

I'll call it a 'passing the term' gift.

I go up to a display case and notice all the knives they had for sale.

Long sharp blades that could cut anyone's throat...  
>I had to have one.<p>

I spend only ten minutes in the shop talking about the blades, legality and all that before I buy one.

The clerk reminds me that it's only legal as long as it's visible, so I hang it off one of my belt loops.

Easily accessible, easily visible. It's a win-win in my book.

I approach Dem's place. It's a huge house, a little aged but nice.  
>Banners with their school colors and empty cans of beer littered the outside.<p>

A sign reading "Welcome" and a bunch of rules hung off the door.

The hand-writing was so messed I wondered if it was just a joke.

Open the front door and head up to the second floor to his room. People walked around the house, casually glancing over as they carried on. I knock loudly, hoping he hears me over his music.

"Come in!"

I open the door carefully and see the same kid with purple hair laying on the floor.

I walk over and sit down on the couch across from his bed as Dem messes with his speakers.

Dem's room was huge. I mean, it wasn't brand spanking new, but the room he has to himself is immaculate.

His instruments, new and old layed about and hung off the wall along with posters and pictures of old and dead musicians, abstract art, and pictures of him and friends. I see a few photo's of him, Hayner and I from Halloween night hanging up on the wall by his bed.

I see a box of dirt laying off to the side of his room, but I don't ask questions.

I've learned to accept that Dem is a weirdo, and it's not beyond him to keep a box of dirt in his room.

"How's it goin?" He asks with a smile.

I rub my eyes, "Horrible. You guys should've never told me that bullshit about Fuu's eye."  
>"Bullshit? What?"<br>"She doesn't have a fake eye Dem."

"Oh...don't tell me you told her she did..."  
>"Something like that..."<p>

"Shit Sora, really? How intrusive." He laughs.  
>"Yeah well it's not my fault. I mean, who tells you that everything's <em>your <em>fault if your brother and his retarded friend are going around assaulting people? I was pissed."  
>"Meh, screw her. If that's the way she sees things then let her."<p>

I shrug and look at the floor to his friend.  
>"That's Zexion. He's listening to the music."<br>"What?"  
>"He's deaf remember? He's laying on the floor so he can feel the vibrations. I guess not really listening..."<p>

He nudges Zexion and signs something to him.

Zexion then waves shyly, signing back to Dem.

Dem starts chuckling as Zexion makes some repeated motion. Taping his pointer and middle finger to his chin before sticking his thumb out.  
>"He says hi."<p>

"Hi." I smile.

**-x-**

"Where the fuck are you!? No I won't wait he's fucking breaking everything in _your _room!" Hiro shouts over the phone.

Dad's home.

You could only imagine my surprise when I come home from shopping to see him.

Sitting there in the dark, filling the room with his angry presence.

That same hateful look in his eyes, I could see him clearly in the dark.

He's like the Devil's incarnate.

We stared each other down for a while before I abandoned my pride and made a dash upstairs.

I've been in here, my room, ever since, shaking more than I'd like to.

I chewed on the skin of my knuckles nervously, listening and waiting as I knelt down by the window.

After hearing a few more things crash over I decided that I didn't need to be here anymore.

Where ever I'm going, it's better than this fucking place.

As I start getting my shit on we hear a knock on the door.

My breathing is harsh as he knocks louder and I pick up speed with packing my backpack.

"I'm calling the cops." Hiro says. He hangs up and starts dialing again. It's too late though, dad's already kicked in the door.

"Where the hell is she?" He roars.

He's just as scary as he used to be when we were kids.

Always angry...

I instantly look down and remember the rules.

**–**

_She's quiet, but works fast._

_Her hands tremble as she held the flame up to the papers, burning them all to ashes._

_One after another._

_I hold onto Hiro as mom instructed, keeping an eye out for anyone who'd be approaching._

_The city is dark.  
><em>

_I hear sirens ringing from a distant as we camped on the outskirts of town._

__I get the feeling that it's for us, but can't say for sure.__

_A dark green truck comes around, big and bright and loud. It shook the ground as it pulled to a stop._

_Mom sets us inside like careful statues before she hops in herself._

_She left behind the fire along with our tent._

_A few hours pass and mom sleeps._

_Hiro starts to fuss, so I pull on his sleeve._

_I did it so much he got tired and threw a hard elbow my way, not taking his attention off the road once._

"_Stop touching me and sit down!"_

_I hesitantly looked at him and began to cry._

_That only lasted so long until he hit me again._

"_SHUT UP!"_

_I stare, frightened._  
><em>"Don't you fucking look at me...I hate you...you fucking clown. Wake up and take care of 'em! They're fuckin' crying can't you hear or are you deaf?!"<em>

_He smacks mom upside her head and she snaps awake, pulling us closer to her._

No eye contact.

No talking back.

"Axel." He walks up to me, pushing me up against my wall. I don't know where Hiro is...nor do I care really.  
>I just want to leave.<p>

"Where is she?" He asks again. He smells like chemicals and old booze.

"I-I don't know." I stutter.

I hold my breath, my heart beating out of my chest.

He grabs my shoulder and tightens his grip. I start crumbling under the pressure as I felt his dense thumb dig its way down my collar bone.  
>"You better not be lying to me..."<p>

"I'm not!" I say, desperate to get free of his grip. I try to pry his hand away, the pain becoming too much to bare. I see Hiro peak through the bathroom door like a scared child.

He lets go and I shove past him, grabbing the backpack I left by the door.

I felt him behind me.

And I don't know why...

"Axel."

But I just stood there.

Maybe it was out of shear fright that he would catch me if I attempted to run, like the fate of most my nightmares.

And he grabbed my hair back, pulling as hard as he possibly could. I clawed at his hands, wanting to make a break for it.

Afraid that he possibly just wanted to do away with me this time.

"_Don't you ever think about burning my fucking property to the ground ever again."_

He shoved me forward lightly, before I feel a huge blow to the back of my head.

It's hard enough to send me into the hallway. I feel the contents within my head shake with an unpleasant sensation.

I don't make a sound.

I just...

Hold the back of my head and bite my tongue.

_I wish you were dead..._

"They should've done away with you in prison. You'd deserve it being that you're stupid enough to pull that shit. Think of your mother and your brother next time, you piece of shit."

I clench my jaw tight before rushing down the stairs.

I leave outside, heading towards Sai's place. My head starts hurting bad.

I stop to catch my breath every five minutes. Cringing and shaking with pain. Now that I was away from him, I wanted nothing more than to come back with a fucking knife and slit his throat.

Maybe I could bash his head in with a rock.

I try to call Sora with no answer and I think nothing of it at first.

Over at Sai's, I knock and knock and knock. But I get no answer.

Just his dogs barking...

"_Where are you?"  
><em>

I sit on his front porch, waiting for his reply as it started to rain.

It's fucking freezing out here. I can see my breath clear as day...forgot to grab myself a jacket.

"_Busy. Can't talk right now."  
><em>

I started to text a reply, but I couldn't find it in me.

I feel like such a bitch right now, asking for attention...

I hung my head low on my lap, feeling myself tear up.

My head...it hurts so bad. The ache is growing...crawling down the back of my neck. I touch the back of my head carefully.

I try calling Sora over and over again to no avail.

Why isn't he answering me...?

Fuck it.

I stand up and start walking across town, towards the place I shouldn't be.

But it's the only place I know where there's always company and shelter.

I guess I try and buy myself time from my idiotic actions, by walking and calling.

I call Sora over and over again, and I know I'm overdoing it, but I really need him right now... I'm losing my handle.

By the time I make it to the bridge, I stop calling.

My phones getting soaked, and I'm sick of hearing his voice mailbox.

**-x-**

No one hassled me. Girls greeted me, probably expecting me to whip out some pure shit.

I just ignore them.

Sit at the bar and order a drink from what's her name.

_Who the fuck does he think he is...marching in our house like he owns the fucking place..._

She stares quietly at me, before slamming down a glass. She sloppily fills it up to the brim, liquor splashing all over the counter before sliding it over. I take it and almost start to drink, but her hand stops me mid air.

"Where'd...where'd you go?" She asks in a shaky voice over the loud music.

I don't look up. I try to pull the drink closer but she stops me.

"Why aren't you saying anything? Why won't you look at me?" Her voices grows higher in pitch...

How did I ever convince myself that she was worth anything...?

I look her in the eyes finally, "Don't make a scene for yourself at work."

Her face grows red and she finally let's go of me, "Don't tell me how to act at work you little fucking kid. You think you're hot shit because you sling your fucking coke around but you're still a fucking minor no bigger than a fly." She reaches for my drink but I pull it away.

I frown, about ready to lose my shit on everyone who wanted it.

Smile, "You have a lot of fucking nerve calling me a kid _Selphie_."

Her jaw dropped, "Shut up..."

"You're just a fucking kid yourself. Go ahead, ask me how I know."

She clenched her jaw, "Shut up Axel."  
>I scoff, "You almost had me fooled with your lame tomboy haircut. I have to say though your contacts are flawless. Tell me, does your brother know you're working at a shit strip club across town? I thought you were so smart, graduating ahead of every one in your class."<p>

"Shut the fuck up!" She shouts across the bar.

"Easy now, don't want to screw yourself over anymore than you already have. You'd better behave if you want to keep stripping."  
>"You son of a bitch-" She raises her hand as though she's gonna take a swipe at me, but her best bud grabbed her wrist.<br>"-Guys guys, take it to the fucking back okay?" The girl with the black hair intercepts.

**-x-**

"What the fuck is your problem?"  
>I shrug, sitting on the couch we used to fuck on. The changing room looks the same. Some girls sat off to the side, taking an earful in way before we entered.<p>

"You started it."

"You...you don't just show up months after disappearing one day and act as though we don't know each other."  
>"I came here for a drink, okay I didn't come here to<em> catch up<em> with you. I could care less about you. Just because you have some shit fake ID that says you're someone fucking else doesn't mean you're untouchable, take a fucking break from your coke binge once in a while and you'd realize that."

She stared at me, whatever she was going to say, she decided to reconsider it. The girls at the side of the room murmured.  
>"Hey. You two. Get the fuck out." I demand. No one's going to gain enjoyment from this if I couldn't.<br>They mugged me, slowly picking up their itty-bitty clothes and walking out.

I finish my drink before lighting a cigarette.

Her eyes hover back and forth between her feet.

"So...how'd you know?" She finally asks, putting her hands behind her back in some sick twisted sign of innocence.

"You left your real ID laying out on the table one day. Your mistake, really. Never knew I'd be fucking Hayner's sister, this would never sit well with him."

"Who cares...I don't go home anyways. Hayner hasn't been home in years, the last thing he remembers is me basically being better than him. I'm the best of the bunch...No one would believe you."

"You must be high out of your mind. All it takes is one trip here. Try me."  
>"So what? Did you come back to ruin me? I'm already probably fired because of your big fucking mouth. There goes my apartment, there goes my fucking car, there goes my school...What else do you want? What the fuck did I ever do to you?" She panicked and I felt <em>slightly<em> better.

"You're more of a bitch than your alter ego, but..."  
>I actually think about it. I realize I'm just taking out my anger on the easiest target, and that's her. I really have no reason of blackmailing her, or getting her fired. She was my fallback option when I was going through a rough time, and always threw shit my way when I needed it.<p>

I shake my head, "I...fuck."

I rub my eyes, "Never mind."

She's sits next to me.

"What's the matter...?"

"My head hurts."  
>She cocks her eyebrows, "And?"<br>"Family issues."

She looks closer before running her fingers up the back of my head and I shiver.

She touches the tender lump forming at the back of my head, I wince.

"Fuck..." I pull away.

"Sorry. What happened to you? Who hit you?" She tilts her head.

I shake, "No one."  
>"Why'd you come here?"<br>"To be honest?"  
>"Yeah."<br>"I need a fix."  
>"Really? But-"<br>"-I'm moving soon, I'm not doing business down here anymore so I'm dry. I just need a fix."  
>She puts her arm on the couch, "Really...?"<br>"I can pay you."  
>"I don't need money...but I want..."<br>She puts her hand on my thigh, but I don't let her rest for a second.

_Sora..._

"I can pay you." I repeat, taking her hand off of me.  
>She looks at me for a while.<p>

"You don't need to, it's on the house this time."

She lays out a line, and I notice it's a tinge browner than usual. I don't question it though, the minute she lays out the powder I get eager—nearly jack happy- about getting high.

She cuts out a line and slams it before offering me her straw.

Already weary of sharing body liquids as it is, I wave hers away and make one out of a card in my wallet.

As soon as I rail it, I know it's different. Smells different.  
>Tastes different.<p>

"Where are you getting your stuff nowadays?" I ask.

"A good friend. I've been mixing mine with smack though for a while now...I needed something easier."

I frown, "Are you kidding me?"  
>"No? What, do you not do...?"<br>I sigh, "Fuck no I don't-it's whatever. I don't care anymore."

I throw my shit card down on the table and go out for another drink at the bar before returning.

I've never touched smack before, Hiro's retarded doped up antics were usually enough to make me skip it.

"What kept you away...?"

She must've asked for the hundredth time.

"Just like most guys in this place, I have a life."

"So who is she?" She asks boldly.

"It's always another woman...who is she?" She sits down, as though she wants to confess her love to me.  
>"I decided to make up with my ex boyfriend."<br>I can hear the surprise in her breath and I finish my second drink.

"I would've never guessed you were..."  
>"Yeah. Well. Me neither. Surprise surprise."<br>I think about Sora, and why he hasn't bothered to call me back yet.

"It's okay...Sora..."

Right. I forgot. I used to call her that when I was tweaked out of my mind.

Shit. How could I have blurred the lines so much?

Well, there's no blurring them now.

I can't un-see Selphie.

Ugh...I feel dirty.

Just, _wrong._

"That's what you'd call me sometimes...It's the same Sora I'm thinking about isn't it? Hayner's best friend? Roxas' older brother? Wow...I haven't seen them in so long...and Kairi and Namine...Riku and Wakka..." She sighs, reminiscing about the good times I guess.

"We used to hang out at that ol' stupid island. I used to get on their nerves so much. I'm sure they would've kicked me off if it wasn't for Sora and Kairi. Me and my stupid whip, trying to keep up with the guys, ha!" She laughs, and it's genuine for the first time I've seen.

"So...when did you fall off the map?"  
>I see the sadness form in her eyes, "Oh, you know...things happen. After graduating early...I mean, having a job and moving away...things happen. I can't believe you're dating the same Sora. I thought he'd be married to Riku by now. How did two guys like you get together?"<p>

The more she said his name, the more I missed him.

Euphoria started slowly seeping into me as I told our tale for some reason.

"Sounds like a love story to me. Messed up one, albeit. Those ones are the best though...you know?"

She offered me another line, and since I didn't feel the usual high I accepted.

Mistake number one.

**-x-**

Me and Zexion got on a lot better than I expected.  
>Not that I expected to not get along with him, but he's really nice.<p>

We used paper to talk, since I have no idea how to sign. He taught me little stuff though. And Dem pushed him to teach me vulgar sayings, ha.

And when he practiced his speech, it was as though he could speak perfectly.

"_I've been deaf for more than half my life, but I've been training my speech and building my vocabulary. So that if I ever hear again using an implant, I'd have little to no difficulty speaking. At least, that's what I hope for."_

His hand-writing was amazing, and his voice combined with his ability to read lips would be enough to trick anybody that he was able to hear, at least for a little while.

I reach in my pocket to pull out my phone before realizing that I didn't have it.

"Have you seen Seifer ever since what happened?" Dem asks.

I think about it, and realize that I haven't seen him around at all.

"No. I haven't had any graffiti on my car either. Reno put Rai in the hospital."  
>"Yeah I heard. How the hell did he even take down a guy like Rai with just a kick? If that's what they teach you when you're a bouncer then I might as well dropout and do that for the rest of my life."<p>

I was about to correct Dem, but remember what me and Hayner promised each other.

I just roll my head back on his futon couch, groan.

"Wish I kicked his ass myself." I said in a tone of regret.

"Don't get down, they learned their lessons anyway."  
>"Yeah while Seifer's running a fuckin' muck, probably doing the same thing to other people with some other friends. How the hell does Fuu protect a guy like that?"<p>

Dem shrugs, "I don't know. Let's go beat him up."

Zexion bursts out laughing, jotting down something on the paper before holding it up.

"_You didn't just say lets go beat them up, did you?" _Dem reads out loud.

He frowns, "Yeah! What's so funny about that?"

He writes back.

"Sora! This asshole thinks we can't take him on!"

"We can't."

Zexion waves his hand in front of his face.

_"I'm not advocating violence. But if I did advocate it, I'm not targeting you as an audience Demyx."_

I start laughing and Dem gets red.  
>"You guys keep laughing. I'm gonna start pumping iron."<p>

_"Alright, just don't break your legs trying to get out of bed." _He writes.

We start laughing hard, and I felt bad, but man is Dem lazy. It's hard to imagine him beating someone up when he always stops by your place to take a nap because he's tired of 'walking home'.

"Both of you. You AND you. Lets go." He gets up, pulling on some sweats.

Me and Zexion glance at each other.

"What?"  
>"Gym. <em>Now."<em>

We get quiet, awkwardly looking around as Dem walks out of his room.

_"What did he say?" _Zexion writes out.

"S'go you guys!"

**-x-**

We reluctantly slug behind a prideful Dem, crossing the front lawn of Sunset Academy to hit the gym.

The campus is way smaller than Twilight, but it made it easier to get around. Kids hung around, skating and bumping mix CD's from their radios in uniforms. It was kind of a nostalgic flashback as I'm reminded of my own lame uniform I had in grade school. Now thinking about it, it'd be nice to have a uniform at Twilight.

People would stop looking at me and Hayner like we're the broke boys, even though we are pretty fucking broke.

Getting caught stealing half of the coffee beans from the downstairs lobby is embarrassing when everyone else can usually afford to go out and buy their coffee from fancy cafe's. I told Hayner we should do it at midnight, but he insisted that we did it in the morning.  
>All we got was a slap on the wrist and laughed at as the security guards mocked our choice of fifteen cent coffee beans.<p>

I need a job...

Inside the gym lights were bright and we were greeted by beefy guys sweating and slamming down weights.

Intimidating as hell I've got to say. Me and Zexion stick by each other as Dem marches over to a weight set.

He looks at us with a wide grin, "Scared huh? Ya _scurred_."

We watch him hype himself up, making, what, fifteen laps around the set before actually sitting down? Zexion walks behind the set and looks down at Dem, shaking his head.

"What? You think I can't do it?" He asks defensively.

He shakes his head.  
>"Move and watch."<p>

Zexion just eyes me, crossing his arms and stepping back a few feet.

And, you know, Dem is actually capable of lifting it a few times. Me and Zexion looked at each other, amazed and shocked.

"Holy shit, you're actually doing...it...?"  
>He slows down more and more, his arms becoming shaking and his face turning red.<p>

"You're...not doing it." I say.

Eventually, Dem's control was lost as he was left kicking under the weights.

Me and Zexion rush over and grab onto the bar, but before we could even lift, a third single hand holds onto the bar and lifts it with one easy pull, setting it back in place.

Dem gasped for air, "Holy...crap..."

Zexion looked relieved as this one huge guy stood over Dem's weak body.

He was tall and brawny, ginger.

Looks like he _lives_ in the gym.

"Thanks again...Lexaeus."

"You can't just be there, you have to work to get there." He says to Dem.

"Yeah, got any _steroids _I can buy from you?" Dem asks, sitting up as he rubbed his arms.

"I don't use steroids."  
>"It was a <em>joke. <em>I know you treat these machines like normal fucking furniture..."

Zexion laughs, and Lexaeus signs something to him.  
>I sit on a machine across from Dem.<p>

"You got pretty far."  
>His breaths are still labored, "Eh...ah...Yeah. Right. I don't even know why I came here."<p>

He flops back on the machine lazily, "I'm outta shape."

Lexaeus turns back, "Form a workout plan. Or just come to boot camp."  
>"Boot camp?" I ask.<p>

"No no no...fuck boot camp."

"What's boot camp?" I ask Lexaeus.

"Extreme high intensity calisthenic training."

"Can anyone do it?"  
>"Don't do it Sora."<p>

"Yes, it's open to all college students from any campus, as long as you have your student I.D."  
>I grin, "Will I get ripped?"<br>"Don't do it Sora."

Dude flexes his arm, biceps rippling and shit, "These don't lie."

He says seriously.

"Catch you guys later." He signs something to Zexion.

Zexion puts up a finger and walks away with Lexaeus.

I look back over to Dem.

I see the look in his eyes.

I didn't want to call him on it, but it was so apparent.

He was jealous.

"You don't look too happy..." I say to him.

He rolls his eyes to me, "I'm fine."

**-x-**

Me and Dem start heading back to his place after Zexion bids us goodbye. He was quiet, mostly focused to the ground as we walked.

"Hey um, you okay?"  
>He lifts his head, sighing, "Yeah, I'm alright."<p>

He runs his long fingers through his hair, "How the hell does a guy like that go from a tiny kid to the fucking terminator?"

I laugh, "I know right? I wonder how he looked like as a kid."  
>"Probably just a miniature version of how he looks now. He probably came out of his moms vag with big bustling veins and biceps."<p>

We start laughing.

"He knows it too, he knows he was born like that."

I laugh, "Hey Dem?"  
>"Yeah?"<br>"You're jealous of him, aren't you?"

He raises his brows, surprised.

Frowns, "N-No! What gave you that stupid idea that's stupid..."  
>He shoves his hands in his pockets.<p>

I nudge him, "So that means that you like Zexion."  
>He looks away, "Yeah, I like Zexion. I like you and Hayner too. I like the lady who bags my groceries too. I like everyone."<p>

I decide to give him a break.

"So, boot camp?"  
>He scoffs, "That shit is <em>impossible. <em>You wanna get yelled at for a whole day every week then go ahead."  
>"Come on, it'll be fun. I bet Hayner'll want to get in on it too."<p>

"Meh..."

"Don't you wanna impress Zexion?"  
>He blushes, "Drop it..."<br>"Because, you kinda asked to go to the gym and make a fool out of yourself-no offense."

He grumbles, "Boot camp...Last time I tried that I couldn't stop vomiting. Ugh..."  
>"Vomit's good, that means you're pushing it to the limit. I vomited the first time I surfed a wave. Let's do this."<p>

"Surfing a wave is way more easier and impressive than boot camp."  
>"Easier? Ha! Try saying that when you're choking on water six feet under."<p>

He looks over at me, "You sure are eager to pump it."  
>"I'm bored. There's no beach and I can't swim. I'm not paying ten bucks for a 6 foot deep pool every time I wanna swim."<p>

"Good point. Yeah, I guess I'll try it. But I still think we should give steroids a shot."

**-x-**

Holy fucking Christ am I high.

My headache started to fade, and I was ready to leave.

I didn't want to be around her anymore.

I used her. I guess.

"Tell me...you'll be back." She asks softly.

I look out into the crowd of girls, and felt a tinge of guilt for coming here. I knew I had no interest in being her savior from the start...

"No. I'm not coming back. This is good bye."

She looks away, and I can tell I hurt her bad.

"Heh...well, at least you're honest. I get tired of the '_I'll see you again' _guy never coming through."  
>"And...another thing...I don't have feelings for you."<br>"Wh-what?"

"I don't love you. I don't even find myself liking you. I wanted you to be someone you weren't. All these motherfuckers want in here is just a replacement for someone they lost...Forget about me. And stop trying to make real life connections working at a strip club, you're gonna end up in a ditch... Just wanted to clarify things."

I don't know why...but I feel myself slowing down. At least, everything around me is.

My heart is beating really hard...

I wouldn't say fast, just hard.

"That's fair. Just don't tell anyone. Please."  
>I waiver back and forth in place, "Obviously."<p>

Outside I start nodding out, and I get this weird sensation that my feelings were starting to deplete.

I didn't care.  
>I called a taxi and wait in the rain.<p>

**-x-**

After a few more hours hanging out at Dem's I headed back home. I found myself thinking about how cute and intelligent Zexion is, but I shrug it off. The unwritten rules say Zexion belongs to Dem, although one could easily argue...

When I get back I see Hayner laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling with an empty look in his eyes.

"Your phones been ringing." He tells me quietly.

I reach for it on the desk, and notice that it's dead.

"Damn it."

I start looking around for my charger and ask Hayner what he's been up to.

"Nothing. Just...waiting." He sighs.

I sit on my bed and ask him what's up.

"They're all gonna give me shit. When I go home and visit."  
>"Well...who cares if they do. You made a few mistakes but now you're back."<p>

"Compared to Selphie...I ain't _shit _to them." He rolls away to the wall.

"Stop thinking like that. Stop comparing yourself to Selphie. Who cares about what she's doing? In the end, I bet they all just miss you."

He starts shaking his head.

"If not for your family, then do it for Roxas. He misses you. And Namine misses you. Kairi misses you, my mom misses you. Riku probably misses you too. Did you know Wakka's getting married soon?"

He looks unsure of himself and I almost focus my attention on finding the phone charger.

_"_Hayner, the _island _misses you."  
>He gasps, his demeanor doing a 180, "I'm going."<p>

**-x-**

Mistake number two.

I gaze up the garden ladder, thorns being a withered thing of the past.

It's early in the morning...

And...I...

I don't feel like goin' home.

So I came here.

Because...he'll be here soon.

And we'll be able to spend time with each other. I'll be the first person he sees and-and he'll be so happy.  
>I don't know why he won't answer me...<p>

But he'll be here soon.

I carelessly hop over the fence and stumble to the ladder.

I start climbing the ladder, but I feel like my heart's doing...something weird.

Something _not _good. I take a break before I continue to the top.

I get to the top and tried to push his window open before I have to come to terms that it's locked.

I get ready to climb down before I reach for some change in my pocket.

Desperate, I fling them at Roxas' window, praying that his dad isn't in there.

He instantly opens his window and looks around. He spots me and gives me a pissed look.

"Sup?" I say, hanging off the ladder, feeling like a cool sloth.

"Oh...I fucking _hate_ your guts right now..." He says.

"Can you help me...? I...I think I'm gonna black out soon."

"Yeah yeah yeah..." He leaves his room.

Before I know it, Roxas opens Sora's window and pulls me onto Sora's bed.

"What do you think you're doing?" He whispers harshly.

I look up at him and stare...

I find myself wanting to know more about him.

As he mouths off about whatever, I get more and more interested.

"Sora..." I reach up to stroke his face, but he slaps my hand away.

"I'm not Sora." He frowns.

"You look so good right now...just like him." I...I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

This has _got _to be Sora.

I reach up for his face again and he smacks it away, his cheeks slightly red, "Axel...stop."

I sit up and whisper in his ear, "_Anything you want..."_

I don't know what the hell I'm saying.

He holds his arm nervously, not speaking a word.

I then stand up and walk to Sora's bathroom. I pull out a small baggie that Selphie gave to me, filled with the speed ball combo. I pour it all on the counter and plan to rail it all.

I take one bump and start getting sick.

Roxas opens the bathroom door and stands in the doorway, watching me as I stared into Sora's sink.  
>"Want some?"<p>

He shakes his head, "No...I'm good."  
>"Good, because I'm about to rail this fucking pile and get zipped out of my fucking <em>mind."<em>

**-x-**

Morning comes fast, and I'm on the hunt for my phone charger again.

Me and Hayner finished packing our bags, readying ourselves for our trip home. It's not a happy nor easy pack despite our conversations last night. We're silent, bemoaning the moment we arrive at home.

I'm mostly not looking forward to seeing Donny again. I get this sick feeling when I think about going home. I look around for my charger anxiously, waiting, wishing for the moment that I get to hear Axel's voice again. He must be worried that I haven't called him in so long. After angrily throwing my mess around I accept the fact that my chargers gone. I won't be able to speak to him until I make it to Destiny. But all I think of is how I'm gonna wrap my arms around him tight and give him a big kiss, say I'm sorry.

"Man...shit blows." I say, huffing and puffing.

"Look at it this way, it's the last time we'll have to show our faces around there for a while."  
>"Easier said than done. I might just snap this time around."<p>

"We...could always just lie and say we couldn't make it."

We look at each other, happily contemplating the possibilities before coming back around to the harsh reality.

"Nah...I couldn't do that to them."  
>He sighs, "You're right. We just gotta bite the bullet on this one."<p>

"Alright..." I throw a few Vicodin in the bottom of my bag, hoping that I make it through security.

**-x-**

Once we're off the plane we head our separate ways and plan to hang out within the next week at the island. I get an early start on my high and take my Vicodin in the cab.

I make it home and notice that it's quiet. Roxas is sitting on the couch, watching t.v on mute.

"What's up? Where's mom and Donny?" I ask him.

He shrugs, "They're gone. Same ol' same ol'. Oh, yeah, except that your boyfriend is wasted in your bathroom."

"What?" I almost didn't believe him, but I know that pissed face didn't come from nowhere.

"He came over high as hell last night and passed out in your bathtub."

"Are you fucking serious?"  
>"Uh, yeah. I've been trying to call you and Hayner all night. Offered me some weird brown shit before he got sick and passed out. Don't believe me? Go see for yourself."<p>

I start up the stairs, hoping that Roxas is just exaggerating.

Because he must be exaggerating, right? He's just fucking kidding.

He's gonna come up one second after I find Axel and laugh in my face about it.

But no, one step inside my bathroom and I know instantly that Axel partied pretty fucking hard to end up in my bathtub a day before I came home.

"Axel..."

He's knocked out cold, all his clothes still on. There's dried up vomit in my sink with a pile of brown powder on the counter top. I don't think twice about it and swipe it off before turning the sink on.

I frown at Axel, pissed that he hasn't waken up despite my loud presence. If Donny was here...

I sit on the counter and pick up his phone, looking through all his text messages like a nosy boyfriend should at this point.

And...I really thought he was done messing around...

"_Hey, thanks for coming over last night. I don't think you know...but you've helped me out a bunch. Don't forget to keep last night a secret, kay? Love S. :3 ;)"_

I can hear my harsh breathing through my nostrils as my grip tightened on his phone. I looked over the text and see her name at the top. Serenity... I smile in disbelief.

I don't know who the fuck _Serenity _is but I'm about to find out.

I think about flinging the phone to his head but I felt that was too nice.

I turn on the cold water to the shower and he's up in under a second. Shocked he hops out of the tub and catches himself along the counter.

He pushes his hair out of his eyes, breathing heavily.

"Sora...I-"

"-Who the hell is Serenity?"  
>He blinks a few times before speaking, "S-Serenity?"<p>

I read the text from his cell back to him, _"_Hey, thanks for coming over last night I don't think you know but you've helped me out a bunch don't forget to keep last night a secret kay..._love S. Smile, wink-y face..."_

He frowns snatching his phone away, "What the fuck are you doing going through my phone?"

"Don't expect me not to look through your shit when you leave a pile of coke on my counter and vomit in my sink..." I grit my teeth, trying to keep calm.

But every time I thought about this girl, I wanted to go crazy.

Why Axel...? I'm trying to get far here.

"Who the fuck is Serenity?" I ask again.

"She's..." He sighs, "She's that one chick."  
>"Who? Who's '<em>that one chick' <em>?"  
>"That stripper I fucked..."<p>

"What?" I ask, to make sure I heard him right.

I try to make eye contact with him but he just won't let me. He looks just as pissed, but I could give zero fucks right now. I don'tcare how hungover he is, he can't expect to not give me answers.

He looks over his phone quietly, I can't read his emotions.

"The girl I cheated on you with..." He says through his hand. He covered his mouth, probably thinking about what he's gonna say next.  
>"Are you fucking <em>kidding me?<em> You're joking right now right?"  
>"I didn't mess around with her. We didn't do anything."<p>

_Here we fucking go again..._

**-x-**

My stomach hurts bad as I held onto the counter. Trying to hold my stature while the guy I've been wanting to see this whole time is screaming at me is hard.

I glance over at Sora, his cold blue eyes staring me down.

"So what'd you do with her last night, huh?"  
>"Nothing..." I utter. It's the truth...<p>

It didn't happen like he thinks it did.

"So then what's your secret, huh?" He asks with crossed arms.

I look at my phone, looking for the text he's quoting.

"Axel!"  
>"Just shut the fuck up for a second." I say.<p>

"Fuck you. I don't even care. Get out."

"Sora just give me a second, I didn't touch anyone. She's talking about something else completely unrelated I wouldn't-"  
>"-I don't fucking believe you, get out."<p>

It's funny how fast things escalate.  
>I couldn't believe what he was telling me...<p>

"Sora you didn't even answer my fucking calls _all night._ Don't act as though I'm just fucking every girl I run into okay?"  
>"Why is it that you have to run to the closet fucking hole every time you <em>think <em>I'm going to leave you?"

"I never said that."

It hurts a lot...because y'know...I really wanted to see him.

I wanted to hear his voice...

I wanted him to tell me everything would be alright even though I'd never ask...

And now we're here, arguing.

"I know you didn't say it. It's fucking obvious."

"Stop being so fucking jealous."  
>"Of course I'm jealous! Are you gonna be my boyfriend or are you just gonna fuck around town Axel!?"<p>

Sora's face is red, his voice surpassing mine each time. And I admit, I got fed up.

Tired of looking at him.

Fuck, it's like whenever I need someone to be there for me they don't give two shits and Sora's no different.

He eyes me, points to my neck, "You even have a fucking hickey you dumb shit."

I look in the mirror and see the 'hickey' he's talking about. It's the mark my dad left behind.  
>I look him in the eyes, think about telling him what lead up to me being here.<p>

But I...hell, what's the point? He's just gonna call bullshit on me. He already doesn't believe me when I say I didn't do anything with Selphie.

"I'm tired of this shit, if you're not gonna let me talk then..." I push past him out of the cramped bathroom.

"Axel. Tell me what you did with her." He follows.

"Sora I didn't touch her! I just got a few drinks and we ended up talking!"  
>"What secret is she talking about Axel?!" I see him pushed to tears, but he's doing it to himself.<p>

"Jesus Christ it doesn't matter it doesn't fucking change anything!"

If I told him that Serenity had been Selphie all along, it wouldn't change things...

"I thought you changed..." His voice quivers, his head hung low.

I see a few drops fall to the ground from his eyes.  
>"Seriously...?"<p>

He wipes his face furiously, intent on regaining his posture. I slowly pick up my backpack, shaking my head at how retarded our argument became.

"Yeah, seriously. You can leave now."  
>"Sora, don't do this to me." I say quietly by the door. He sits on his desk, not making anymore eye contact with me.<p>

"Sora. Listen to me...I never did anything."  
>He opens his door, but I close it.<br>"Sora."  
>"Get out Axel." He says sternly. He opens it again, but I shut it.<p>

"Sora, talk to me-"

"-I don't want to talk to you anymore, okay!?" He shouts.

I look him in the eyes and notice how dilated and glossed out his eyes had become.

He's fucking high.

"Shhhh...stop yelling. You're high aren't you?"

He growls, "So what if I am?!"  
>"So then stop fucking yelling and calm down. You're only freaking out because you're high."<p>

"And you're not? What was that shit on my counter? What the fuck are you on now?"

I laugh, "Me? I'm not high."  
>I'm fucking spun out, there's a huge difference.<p>

He goes for the door a third time but I impulsively grab his wrist and stop him.

He tries to push me away but I pull him closer.

"Axel stop...!"

I don't notice the desk banging against the wall from our struggle.

Or the stuff that he was accidentally knocking off the surface because of us.

"Babe just kiss me. You're just high it's fine." I became desperate to feel his affection.  
>I don't know what I was thinking.<p>

"Don't fucking call me babe. I don't want to kiss you."  
>I lean closer, squeezing his wrist tight.<br>"Axel I'm not fucking kidding don't-"

It was a quick peck.

I land one peck on him and he get's mad and smacks me, _hard._

His left hand lands so hard against the side of my head that my ear starts ringing.

It was a reflex. I smacked him back hard enough to hear him yelp. Hard enough to make his face snap back and for him to recoil in pain. The mark on his cheek is clear as day and I see tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Sora I-I'm sorry."

He starts sobbing for a few seconds, shaking. I almost think he's about to have an asthma attack and get ready to look for his inhaler. I saw him go from man to kid...

I hate myself already.

But before I could do anything except back off a little, he snapped.

Just like that.

Much like the sight of a tragedy I knew I made a mistake I wasn't going to recover from.  
>I see his hatred for me brewing like nothing before.<p>

His upper lip twitches along with his fingers, anger seeping from him. His anger vein pulsating in his neck...

He was about to rage.

I froze in place, uncertain of the next move I should make. It was easy for him to make it for me.

He slams his door wide open and grabs me by my collar with one hand, swinging me around and slamming me up against the wall in the hallway with strength I didn't know he had. I try my hardest to push up off the wall but being hungover doesn't quite help in this department.

"Sora stop! What the fuck are you doing?" Roxas shouts from the top of the stairs.

"If you know what's good for you you'll never fucking hit me _again_." He rumbled through his clenched jaw, slamming me against the wall once more. His fists were balled, and I was sure that he was gonna land a hit on me. I can't lie, I'm scared shitless.

I already saw what his step dad could do. When he sees this who knows what the fucks gonna happen.

It's not worth it, I just need to bail.

"Sora they're gonna be home at any minute." Roxas pleads from the side.

He glared at me.

"Dude do you want the fucking cops called? You're gonna get your ass arrested let him go!"

"I can leave you at any minute...If Riku had made his apology any better that night you came over to ask me out...you would've been nothing to me. _Nothing."_

And that...

I laugh.

That...hurt more than anything.

He lets go, "Get the fuck out of my house."

He walks into his room and slams his door shut, shaking the whole house.

I stare at the floor for a second, look to Roxas.

He looks confused, "You didn't...did you?"  
>"I-"<p>

He opens the door again and flings the phone straight at my mouth, "And don't fucking come back."

Slams the door.

I hold my mouth in pain and feel tears forming.

I panic, and grab my phone before dashing out of the house.


	29. Chapter 29

I sink to the floor closing my eyes tight as I hear the front door open and shut.

Is it bad to wish that he was here holding me still? I wish I had better control over myself.

The stupid things that slip from my mouth when I'm mad.

What's worse is that I hit him.

_Fuck why do I have to be so stupid?_

I stare off into my bare room.

**-x-**

I was pushed to the brink and inconsolable to even myself.

I didn't care whether dad was home anymore.

Nor did I care whether Hiro saw.

I calmly take a seat on the couch and hold my head in my hands before I start crying.

I hear the front door open, I squeeze onto myself tighter.

His steps slow down, the door creaks shut. I stop my sobbing for five seconds to listen.

"Hey, he left before the cops got here."

Relieved that it's just Hiro, I go back to crying.

**-x-**

I move fast, my body shaking terribly as my nervous system goes out of whack.

I need a fix.

I rip open my bag, dumping everything out onto the floor to find my Vicodin.

I locate as many pills as I could and pop them in my mouth.

One after another, I start chewing them into a powdery mush. Tears keep falling as I tell myself to just...

To just...

"Shut up!" I hit myself harder than I hit Axel, dealing the blow I should've received from him to myself.

I slump on the floor, on top of my mess to cry.

_Axel..._

_I'm so sorry._

Every part of me ached for him, miserably.

Every inch of my being...it's not like I want him.

I _need _him.

I crave...

I let myself lay on the floor. Not moving.

I layed there, and soon after the thirty minute mark my high finally starts hitting me.

Just as I start nodding out...

I hear a bang on my door, loud enough to make me jump.

"Leave me alone!" I shout from my pile.

"Next time try to solve your problems like two normal fucking adults or take it outside!"

"Shut up and mind your own business Roxas!"

"Don't make it my fucking business then, _bro."_

I try to breathe but my body works faster than my mind. I jump up and slam the door open like the impulsive bastard I am.

"Get the fuck away from my door and leave me alone, I'm not kidding." I say to Roxas quietly.

"You and your boyfriend are gonna get me in fucking trouble. I don't need it." He glares at me.

"Get _you _in trouble? Since when do you get into _any_ fucking trouble? For anything?"  
>He shakes his head, "I'm not gonna argue with you. I'm not taking the rap for sh-"<br>"-Oh _shut up _Roxas. You're a fucking spoiled kid, you never get into trouble over anything. You couldn't get in trouble if you tried."

He starts laughing, rolling his eyes and slowly strolling away with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

He grins at the top of the stairs, looking back over his shoulder smugly, "You're right. And next time that shit happens I'm fucking ratting on you."

I clench my teeth, "Why?"  
>He laughs, "Because I can I <em>guess<em>, you abusive little shit."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He starts going down the stairs slowly, laughing and laughing...

"You don't even live here anymore, it's _my _house bitch."

"Oh really?" I balled my fists.

"Yeah really!"

I fucking came up behind and slapped the back of his head, "Are you fucking serious?!"

He snaps around and pushes me, "Yeah really! There's a hole in the wall because of you!"

"Good! I don't care!"

"I'm the one who's gonna have to live here long after you fucking catch your flight home! I take the rap for whatever Donny's angry at _you _for now you selfish asshole!"

"Good! I don't give a shit!"

We get into a shoving fit and he shoves me hard making me fall back onto the stairs.

"You little bitch..." I stand up and wrap my arm around his throat, slamming him onto the steps under us.

I start socking him in the face as he hits back.

"Get off of me!" He shouts, pushing up from under me. He almost pushes me down the stairs and I catch myself using the railing. He hits me straight in the nose, making my eyes tear up. I grab his fist before he hits me again and we end up tumbling down the stairs. We slam into the wall at the bottom, the side of my head and shoulder smacks up against the wall hard enough to bust it.

The front door opens and I hear mom scream.

"What the fuck is going on?! Stop it!"

I stand up and give myself space from Roxas, but he doesn't want to stop.

My breath is becoming shallow as he swings at me again. My nose starts dripping with blood. I drag my hand under my nose, flicking the blood away with a smile.

I grab him by his collar and push him up against the couch, punching him as much as I could before mom and Donny start trying to pull me off. I wrap my hands around his neck, digging my nails into his skin as I squeezed the air out of his fucking windpipe. His face starts turning red as he claws away at my hands.

"Knock it off!" Donny shouts as he starts pulling my hands off his kids neck.  
>"Stop!"<p>

"Sora stop he can't breathe!"

I hear people screaming for me to stop but I don't care.

I hit him one more time before they finally pull me off of him. Roxas starts coughing and hacking hard and I start walking away towards the stairs.

"What the hell happened?" Donny asks.

I rip off my shirt and wipe my nose as I glared at Roxas.

I snatch my hand away from mom and stomp up the stares.

"You fucking faggot..." He coughs out.

"Yeah fuck you too. You're lucky your parents came home _you fucking spoiled rat bitch_." I grip the railing, holding myself back from finishing him. From spitting on him.

Everything.

"I learned from the best, _rat."_

Alright that's enough! Both of you!"

I slam my door and push my desk in front of it, worried of what Donny was gonna do to me, if anything.

I rinse the blood off my face, noting a few slight bruises I gained in the scuffle before lighting a cigarette.

I grab all of the clothes I packed off the floor and put it back in my bag.

I hear a soft knock on the door this time.

"_What? What the fuck is it?"_

"...Sora baby, what happened?" My mom says softly through the door.

"Nothing. Donny's kid has a big fucking mouth."

"Donny's kid? Sora...that's your brother."  
>"Half brother."<p>

"Sora. Talk to me. C'mon, talk to mommy." She throws that baby talk out and it almost makes me want to puke.

I roll my eyes.

"Don't feel like it."

I'm high, but I wish I was just nodding out.

That's what was planned until Roxas had to fuck everything up. Bastard.

I get dressed and sit on my window seal, thinking of where to go before coming up with the obvious solution.

I ignore her, sliding off the ledge onto the garden ladder.

**-x-**

I cried myself into a dry slump. I looked over my phone every three minutes, hesitant.

Wondering if I should call him to apologize.

All I know is that...I don't want him to leave mad at me.

I don't want him to spend his time here hating me.

I have to make things right, but how?

Hiro makes his way out of the kitchen and approaches me carefully.

"What's...goin' on?"

I shake my head, sit up.

"I'm..."

I shake my head again.

"I'm a fucking idiot."  
>"What'd you do...?"<p>

"I..." I growl, angry at the thought of my mistakes.

"I showed up at his place wasted and he saw these texts that Selphie sent me and..."

I bite the inside of my mouth, swelling up with sadness.

"I- I didn't do anything. I just wanted to get high...and..."  
>"What?"<p>

I start sobbing again, holding my eyes at the thought of losing him.

"I don't know what...what I'm gonna do with myself if I lose him again Hiro..."  
>He sits next to me, patting my back, "Hold on there...what do you mean 'lose him'?"<p>

I shake my head, "I can't right now."

Without thinking, I rush upstairs and shower.

All the things I want to tell him is buzzing back and forth in my head as I rush out of the house.

Down the street, across the small bridge to his place.

I march straight up to the front door and hear people talking.

Especially his step dads voice.

It scares me, I'm not gonna lie.

But it's even scarier, knowing that Sora might never give me another chance again.

I watch my breath in the cool air, the few puffs disappearing before I knock on the door loud enough to interrupt their conversations.

The door opens wide and there the guy is.

Tall as shit, hovering over me with this intimidating aura about him.

I see Namine clinging onto Roxas arm behind him.

Back to his step dad, he looks pissed.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"I'm looking for Sora, Sir." I ask with a straight face.

"Sora?"  
>His mom small figure comes into frame as she slightly nudges him aside, "Sora? Is that who you're looking for?"<br>I nod.

"He won't talk to anyone. He hasn't answered me since..." She fades out, looking behind towards Roxas.

"He's fucking gone. And it's better if he doesn't fucking come back." Roxas says.

"Roxas shut up." His mom says with a scold.

I feel horrible.  
>Whatever happened obviously happened because of me.<p>

"Do you know where to?" I ask.

She shakes her head, "I guess he took off through his window."

His step dad slowly retreats to the kitchen and Namine comes up.

"We came back and they were fighting. Sora's probably at the island, his room sounds empty." Namine informs me quietly.

"Really?"  
>"What happened?" His mom asks.<br>"Yeah, no one's saying anything." Namine tells me.

There's no way I'm telling his mom what I did.

I bite my bottom lip, "I'm sorry, I can't say. But, if you see him can you tell him that I'm_ really _sorry?"  
>They nod.<p>

"And if you see him Axel, just make sure he's okay. They said some offensive stuff to each other and I just want him to know that Roxas' has been under a lot of stress lately. I know he's under stress too but...a lot of things were said in anger, and I know they're not true. Whatever they fought about they can talk it out..." His mother whispers.  
>I nod.<p>

She tells me to be careful and closes the door.

I hop of the porch and jog to the shore, onto the dock where the boats usually stayed.

The sea's a little more lively due to the on again off again rain storms.

I hop into the boat carefully as I looked down the distance I'd have to paddle.

My breathing becomes harsh and I start trembling to the sight of the sea.

**-x-**

I trembled in the cave, tucking my arms inside of my jacket to keep warm.

I lean up against a rock, the tips of my fingers and toes begin to numb out. The sand is cold and damp, and this place isn't immune to the breeze.

But I chewed enough pills to last me a whole day.

Euphoria kicks into overdrive, and I start feeling okay about everything.

Boyfriend likes to fuck around with strippers still? _It's all good!_

Brother hates me? _A O.K!_

Everything is great.

Because who needs a boyfriend to treat you like shit when your family is already on top of it?

I smile at the thought of being alone.

Everyone is better off without me.

And I'm better off alone.

Soon I can't differentiate the tastes and sounds of real life apart of my daydreams.

I accept everything as my reality.

I can't feel my limbs, as I fold out onto the cold sand ground, ready to pass out.

I cough, sneeze a few times.

Pass out cold.

**-x-**

I rush off the boat as fast as I could once I hit the shore, shivering from the unbearable cold.

The island looks desolate, the wind blowing roughly as water smacks up against the sands.

I look around desperately for a sign of Sora.

I search high and low. Inside the weird shed.

Inside the other weird shed.

Near the coconut trees.

I get down on my knees and make my way through the creepy hole.

Inside it's freezing cold and dark. I make out this slump on the ground and crawl out to him fast.

"Sora?" I call his name coming close. I make out the shape of his face.

"Sora? Sora!" I hold his face, shaking it a bit.

His eyes snap open, he frowns scooting away as he sat up.

"Wh-what...? Who is that?" He asks in a groggy voice.

I sigh, "It's me."

I hear him sigh, "Oh..."

We sit in silence before I pull my cellphone out of my pocket.

I turn on the flashlight in it before setting it in between us, giving the dark cavern some form of light.

"What do you want?" He squints at the light. He holds his bag behind him, as though he's ready to get up and head off.

So I don't waste time.

"I'm sorry. Sora I'm so fucking sorry."  
>"I wonder how many times I'm gonna have to hear that from you?"<br>"I know, I know...I-"  
>"-I don't want to hear it! I've only been here for a few hours and I'm already tired of you!"<br>"I know you are! Just please let me explain myself I-"

I reach for his hand but he pulls it away, "Don't touch me!"  
>"Okay! Whatever you want! Just please don't go..." My voice starts to crack and I hold back.<p>

"What do you want?"

I breathe.

This may be my only chance.

"I didn't have sex with anyone last night. I know that's what you think I did, but I didn't. I went to the club and had a few drinks. She gave me something that I thought was just coke, but it had a bit of heroin in it."

He sighs in agitation, "Are you fucking serious...?"

I scoot a little closer, "Now here me out. I only went there because you weren't answering my phone calls and I really wanted to talk to you. I..."

My heart picks up speed and I clench my fists, fighting my initial reaction as I recalled my father's homecoming.

"I know, it's no excuse. I'm not trying to excuse myself...My dad came home last night...he cornered us in the room and almost beat the shit out of me."

I tried to hold myself up, but I was crumbling in front of him.

I look down at the palm of my hands, catching my tears.

"This hickey," I pull my collar down, feeling shame, "this came from his fucking hand. He grabbed me hard enough to leave his hand prints on my back too. I tried to go to Sai's, but he was busy. I tried to call you...but...you never answered. I was a fucking _idiot. _I went to the strip club and literally talked shit until I got myself a speed ball. After that I went to your place because...I don't know, I can't explain myself. I really wanted to see you. You were all I was thinking about. I blacked out at that point, I barely remember passing out in your bathroom."

I reach for his hand, "May I?"  
>He looks away before offering me his hand.<p>

I hold it lightly, rubbing my thumb along his cold skin before bringing it up to my head.

I push his delicate fingers past my hair and bring it down along the huge lump left over from what dad did to me.

I close my eyes in pain, running his finger up and down the cut busted in my skull before I let his hand go. His hand slowly retreats.

"That chick who texted me was Selphie."

I see Sora blink, "What?"

"Selphie. She goes by Serenity now, strips at a club across town."

He rubs his eyes, "Selphie?"  
>"Yes. Hayner's little sister. She cut her hair and put in contacts, she's stripping across town. I found out a while ago but I didn't really know what to make of it. All I went there to do was to get a fix. She gave me it, and we talked for a while. That's it, I swear on my life that's all that happened. I don't know why she's texting me after everything."<p>

"Selphie...? Why...?" He sighs.

"Why should I believe you anymore? I get tired of always trying to figure out whether you're lying or not. I'm tired of everything...and maybe we should just end it."

He looked me dead in the eyes.

I couldn't sense his hesitation, I couldn't sense any resistance to what he was suggesting.

All I could hear was the wild wind.

And my heart creaking towards a snap.

And as hard as I was trying not to lose my cool...

I lost it.

"-Sora please..."

I lunged at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing tight as I burst out in tears.

"I...Don't...I-I-"

What I wanted to say was...

Was how much I loved him.

But I choked on my tears.

I was too scared.

I am pathetic.

"Don't...don't leave me. I didn't...mean to...hurt you. I didn't mean to kiss you...I didn't mean to hit you...I'm sorry...!"

**-x-**

I'm taken aback by his sudden out pour of emotion. His cries shake me...I felt so disturbed with myself.

I was impulsive in the end. If I had came to Axel in a different way other than yelling, he probably would've told me this from the get go.

As much as I wish I could drop everyone from my life...

To just drop out, I can't.

I can't leave Axel, even if I tried.

How much I trust what he did is up to debate...

But I know he would never even dare to lose his shit in front of me.

Here he is though...

His red hair is a mess, he turns his head on my lap, sniffling. I could see the tears he shed illuminated by the light of his cell.

"I wouldn't lie to you anymore..." He breathes.

"I couldn't do it if I tried. You're all I think of. It's been that way since the last time I lost you. I may get fucked up but you're the only person I want to touch. I swear everything on that, even you. I'm doing everything I can just to be with you..."

He takes my hand and holds it delicately.

I wanted to say something, but I started sneezing.

Uncontrollably sneezing.

Then coughing.

I get this wave of nausea. I haven't gotten nauseated from Vicodin in a long time...I must've taken a little too much.  
>I almost think I'm about to puke.<p>

He sits up and takes his jacket off.

"No." I push it away.

"Yeah."  
>"Axel-"<p>

I sneeze again.  
>"How long were you out here for? You're really cold."<p>

"I don't know..."

"I'm taking you back home. We can talk later." He stands up, wiping his eyes.

"I'm not going back there."

"What happened-"

"-Fuck what happened. I'm not going back there."

"Tell me something." He kneels down in front of me.

"Were you high earlier?"

I look away.

"I'm not gonna be mad at you."

"Yeah, I'm pretty high now."

He throws his jacket over my shoulders.  
>"I know, I don't think you would've been knocked out cold in this creepy fucking cave otherwise. What happened?"<p>

I frown, burying myself within his coat.  
>"Didn't you hear me the first time? I don't want to talk about it."<p>

"Fine. Let's...let's go to my place...If you wouldn't mind?"

He holds out his hand.

I look around the murky cavern.

"C'mon you're coughing up a lung out here. You don't really want to sit here and die do you?"

I pout, "Maybe."  
>"Yeah, okay. Let's go."<p>

**-x-**

Outside, Sora clings onto me tight as though nothing ever happened.

But he stares off into the distance, his eyes heavy.

I wonder what he's thinking in there...under all that heavy hair of his.

I feel slightly relieved, even though we're not out of the woods yet.

At least I got him to talk to me...

He jumps in the boat and I look around. The waters are calmer now, but it doesn't make it any easier.

_What kind of kids take a fucking boat over the ocean to their goddamn hang-out..._

He holds his hand out.

I blush, feeling embarrassed.

"Chivalry is dead you know." I sit on the wet dock, taking his frigid hand as I climbed into the boat.

"You can never be too much of a gentleman." He smiles, his dopey eyes sweet and tired.

He unties the boat from the wooden pole and pushes us off shore.

I tried not to look cold as he rowed us back to land. We made eye contact here and there; each time I thought of saying those three words.

I love you.

But my tongue would bunch up.

I'd suddenly sweat.

Then freeze into place.

With each of his glances and gaze, it became a never-ending cycle.

Before I knew it, we hit shore.

He looked down.

I looked away awkwardly.

He stands up and ties the boat up to the dock before walking over to me.

"Axel, I'm really sorry I hit you. I don't know what's gotten into me today..."

"What? Don't say that." I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for hitting him. I want to make it up to him bad.  
>"It's true. I hit you, I hit Roxas...I've been high since I got off my plane. Guess it doesn't make me as calm as I thought."<p>

He rubs his hands together, frowning, "And...I'm really sorry for what I said about Riku...I didn't mean it. I was just jealous that you were seeing her again."

I know I've already asked twice but, "What happened?"

He blinks, emotionless.

He turns around and climbs onto the dock before he starts off.  
>I almost trip off the boat following him.<p>

We walk for a few minutes before he starts talking again.

"To be honest, I don't really remember. After you left I started chewing on some pills. Next thing I know he said something and our argument eventually turned into a fight. Donny and mom and Namine all came in..."

He sighs, "I just went inside my room and came here."

Sora said it all so casually.

"Either way I'm probably screwed if I went back there. That's what I deserve..."

"I don't think it's like that. Your mom's worried and your step dad didn't really care."  
>"You went there?" He stops dead in his tracks.<p>

"Yeah."  
>"What happened? What did they-"<p>

Something goes off in his eyes. He looks angered, his worried demeanor dissipating.

"-Never mind. Don't answer that. I don't wanna hear it. Let's go."

**-x-**

After a long silent agonizing walk we finally make it to my place.  
>I unlock the door and let him in before me.<p>

Upstairs I clear off my bed for him as he takes off his wet clothes.

He starts hacking. Literally hacking.

Wheezing and sneezing.

Sora sounded like he was gaining the fucking plague.

"I don't know how much you've been smoking, but it's probably a good time to cut back." I comment, sitting next to him.

"I don't smoke enough..." He breathes out.

I stifle my laughter, "You sound like an old man."  
>"Shut up."<br>"Okay grandpa. Stop talking, you're gonna lose your voice."

"No I'm—" He's cut off by his own hacking. I shake my head, leaving the room to grab him water.

When I come back he's wrapped up in his cocoon I've missed so. I turn on the t.v for his viewing pleasure and hand him his water.

He scoots up, slowly reaching for the glass.  
>I wonder how much he took, he's so slow.<p>

He grabs a hold of the glass, but I see it in his eyes that he's nodding out so I don't fully let go.

Just like I had predicted, his head fell down as his eyes snapped shut.

I tap his chin lightly and he's alive again, grip now tight on the glass.

"Drink." I said quietly.

He looks to me with his glossed eyes before gulping the whole glass down.

"Thanks." He says with a slight cough.  
>I smile at him.<p>

He smiles back.

_I love you, Sora._

He lays down and I stroke the side of his face.

The tip of his nose was bright red.

He's probably sick after passing out in a cave for so long.

He blinks, straining himself awake as he thinks of words.

"Just take it easy, go to sleep."  
>"No."<br>"Then take a nap, we'll talk then. You're tired, your eyes aren't even open anymore."  
>"Wha—no..." He slurs, opening his eyes just to blink slowly. His crystal blue eyes slide to me.<p>

"Just take a nap, I'll be here when you wake up." I lean close to him, kissing him lightly.

He looks at me with a goofy grin, craning his neck up to kiss me once more.

I deliver, holding his cheek lightly, indulging in his warm lips. He slides his tongue past my lips, pulling my heart strings.

My heart picks up and butterflies start making rounds in my stomach. Just before I fall off the edge...

He closes his eyes and starts passing out.

"_I love you..." _I mouth to him silently. I gaze at him for god knows how long.

Admiring the brown hair that framed his beautiful face.

Sora...

I mouth it again and again until I can't anymore.

_I love you. _

Half hoping he saw.

Half knowing he didn't.


	30. Chapter 30

I sit on the edge of the bed, watching over Sora's tossing body. He can't sit still, tossing and sighing every five seconds or so. His breathing is harsh and labored.

I fucked up.

And now I'm not sure if he's gonna start overdosing on me.

His face is red as he sweats out his personal fever.

I go to the bathroom to prepare a wet cloth for him.

As I ran the rag under cold water, I hear stirring in the bedroom.

"Sora?" I call.

I see him run into the bathroom through the reflection of the mirror. He kneels down at the toilet and starts puking hardcore.

"Are you okay?" I look over before turning off the faucet.

"...Yeah..." He eventually says.

He stumbles to his feet and walks over to the shower.

He gets nude and gets in, eventually sitting on the floor of the shower.

"You need anything?" I ask.

"No."

**-x-**

My mom had fallen asleep on the couch again. It smells like cigarette smoke every where. Her glass ashtray is piled to the top on the coffee table.

Donny must've been gone, no way she'd be smoking inside otherwise.

I turn to my left and see the damage from yesterday. The walls along the stairway are cracked.

As I held onto the railing, it shook loosely. Looks like we fucked that up too...

I go inside my room and settle back on the bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

"_Welcome to anger management. Please, have a seat." The guy, a scruffy looking yet soft spoken therapist directs me towards the blocky chair across from his desk. It's recess, but my stunt has cost me my freedom. In some small room adorned with bright colors, crap knickknacks, and pictures of his perfect family._

"_How are you today?"  
>"Alright." I puff out, looking down at the desk with my arms crossed.<em>

"_Why so defensive today Sora? I know it's your first day, but I hope soon you'll find it easier to warm up to me."_

_Therapists. Shrinks. Doctors. Counselors._

_They're all frauds. No one needs a fucking stranger to talk to, especially when it comes to getting over anger. Its just the same mechanics._

"_Why am I here?" I ask irritably._

_He looks over his papers, rubbing his calloused hands over his beard for a few moments. I'm getting pissed as the seconds tick on, thinking about the shit file he must be reading on me. I gaze out the window longingly, fantasizing the perfect runaway scheme for what must've been the millionth time._

"_Attacking a classmate during recess...Says here you premeditated the attack moments before you acted...pulling on your gloves before getting a running start? Sounds like a quarterback moment to me." He says with a small, almost smug smile._

_I scoff, "Premeditated? You guys are making it sound like I murdered him."  
>"Do you remember the event?"<br>"What?"_

"_Do you remember what happened after you pounced?"  
>"Pounced? What am I a fucking lion? I-I..." I was caught off guard by the question."<br>"For crying out loud Sora. You made him bleed in front of other kids. We had to offer therapy to anyone who might've been disturbed by the attack. Don't you think therapy is a better deal than having to go to juvenile hall with assault on your record? Leaving your friends to go to serve a sentence that could've easily been avoided?"_

_I was at a lost of what to say, biting my tongue in anger._

_"If you really don't know why you're in anger management, let me draw it out for you. Students...boys in particular tend to have 'macho moments' and tend to have more physical altercations in life than our counterparts. This, although not an encouraged outcome, is quite common. Boy's will be boys is the saying...but when we look at an attack like the one you had committed a week ago, we see not only anger, but rage. Bludgeoning a fellow student, especially one you consider a close friend of yours, to a bloody pulp is, well, frightening. This was not a 'boy's will be boy's' situation. This is assault. This is rage. This is what people do before they murder someone. This is not normal. And everyone wants to help you conquer your demons deep down within yourself so you don't explode with violate emotions."_

_"Hm."  
>"But for us to help you, you're gonna have to help yourself...Why did Riku anger you so much?"<em>

_My breathing became harsh and I grit my teeth, "Because!"_  
><em>"Breath. Take a moment."<em>

_I get ready to stand up and take a leave, but before I so much as touch my backpack he takes a long breath. "Think before you act Sora. You're so young, and so bright. Sure you wanna go out that door? So much as even entertain the idea?"_

_"What's it to you?"  
>"I don't like telling on people. Especially young kids like you. You so much as refuse to do one day of therapy, I have to call the coppers on ya."<br>"What? That's not fair!"  
>"That's the real world kid. Consider yourself on a sort of 'parole' for a year. You can take me or you can take juvenile detention on some other deserted island a few miles off."<em>

_I bite the inside of my mouth furiously._

"_If I were you, I'd take the old grumpy asshole across the desk."_

_I take a seat, "How long?"  
>"Thirty minutes." <em>

"_Well. What are you waiting for? 'Counsel' me."_

I wake up to heavy knocking and singing on my door.

I was in no mood, but the Christmas Caroling was becoming a bit too much. I hear Kairi's high pitched voice break glass as she pulls the song to an end. After her finisher they stayed outside my door and carried on their loud conversations for five minutes longer than they should even be alive at this point.

"Oh my god you guys...!" I croak loudly.  
>"Open the door asshole!" She says.<p>

I pull the blanket over my body and open the door before shuffling back into bed. I duck under the covers, ashamed of my sickness. "Sora!" She squeals. I hear them file into my room and start messing with crap like usual. I ignore them, cringing as I suffered painful aches.

She lays on top of me and squeezes me tight along with Namine, making me groan for mercy.

"Where were you yesterday?!"  
>"Why didn't you stay!?"<p>

I was so dazed, I just layed there lifeless as they bounced around.

Embarrassed at my last exit.

"Jeez Sora, sound like shit. Are you hiding because you look like shit too?" Namine says.

"Thanks for the update. Missed you too." I reply.

Kairi sounds lively, peppy on the bed beside me as she bounced around.

"Your brother says he's sorry. He didn't want to come in here because he's afraid you're still pissed at him."

I can't say that I'm as mad as I was yesterday. I feel like shit actually, since I should be the one apologizing to everyone. I don't really know what's gotten into me. I deserve being this sick I guess. I can't even move without aching now, and fighting him sure as hell didn't help me.

"Where's Donny?" I ask.

"We dunno.""Why are you guys in my room? Why don't you ever go do cool stuff? My friends are suppose to do cool shit, remember?"

It almost felt like a dream. Everything carried a sort of hazy lightness to it. I feel like I'm on the brink of passing out, and my lungs are starting to feel funny.

"What's cool nowadays..." Hayner says.

"We're bored. Everything outside is freezing."

Kairi's lights up, "Yeah, they said it might end up snowing for the first time in eighty years! It might even happen on Christmas!"

She falls back in my bed, "The first thing I'm gonna do when it snows, is make a snow angel."  
>"Ha, they said it <em>might. <em>Don't get your hopes up so easily." Namine snorts.

After lazing around for awhile the crew heads downstairs to mess around some more, leaving me in peace. After resting for a while I get up and walk over to Roxas' room. I press my ear to his door lightly, trying to listen in to what he might be doing. After hearing a few light curses I figure that he's just playing a game, so I walk in. The room was stuffy and hot, clouded over from his usual smoke. The only light in the room emanated from his TV. He sat still in his beanbag chair, not stopping for a second to even look at me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday."

He turns his head over to me and blinks slowly, high and dry. His mouth hangs open slightly, the game going on without his attention.

I wonder what he was about to say. Something along the lines of "whatever" or "I don't care"...

"What happened yesterday?"

He sets the controller down, "I mean, what really happened? Did he really hit you?"  
>"No." I say in an instance. And I guess it was just to cover Axel's ass. But I instantly feel bad about lying.<p>

He didn't hit me hard enough to leave a mark though.

...I hit him first, anyways.

"I-"  
>"-Are you okay?" His gaze is steady. "I'm fine, really." I say, and I almost laugh.<br>I wasn't hurt.

I was high, for the most part. And that's what embarrasses me.

"I...was just really high yesterday." I admit.  
><em>"High?<em> What the hell have you been taking?"  
>"Just a little vicodin alright? It's not a lot."<p>

Roxas raises a brow, "You should stop."  
>"I'm fine, really."<p>

"No, seriously."

"It's not like I'm doing it all the time. I only do it when I come home."

"You swear?"  
>"Yes. I don't even have anymore."<p>

**-x-**

I lied.

I lied to Roxas. Was it warranted? Would he even understand?

No, he's not like that. He sees it one way and then he's set...If I told him the cold truth, he'd probably make me feel belittled to an extent.

And so I lay here now, thinking about myself as I tried to keep up a meaningful conversation with Kairi.

"...How's Twilight Town been treating ya?"

"Eh, you know. It's not the greatest place in the world after all, you know?"

"You talk to Riku ever?"

"Once in a while we text. Not as much as we used to anymore obviously."  
>"You think you guys are ever gonna be on cool terms?"<p>

I look down at her with a small smile.

"Well?"  
>"We are on cool terms."<br>"Really?" She asks, not convinced.

"Yeah really. Riku will still always be one of my best friends."  
>"Even though he's a cumquad?"<br>"Yeah, even if he's a cumquad. But he didn't need you to find that out for him."  
>"What do you mean?" She laughs, and it'd be believable if you had just met her.<p>

"Come on Kairi. I know you tell him everything we talk about."  
>"Not true! Not everything!"<br>I laugh, "_Mostly _everything."

"Well, whatever. Once school comes back around I won't be this little info _fly _you and Riku take me as."

The music channel played softly in the background. She layed her head on the edge of the bed, watching the screen intently. It's the first time I've actually _seen _her after the whole incident. She looks different...Matured.

Her hair hangs down to her waist, diamonds and stones hanging off her ear and neck. It's like she's a walking treasure, but she's tired. Too tired to really even smile. She looks like she's thinking non stop. Like a miniature version of her mother.

She groans, "Speaking of which...I'm tired of school. And the people...ugh, the people Sora."  
>She sinks into the ground further, "Everyone there is always <em>too good <em>for something. When I talk about my hometown, and you guys, and what we used to do for fun they look at me like I'm fucking dirty scum."

"Really? Ouch..."

"Yeah. My parents put me up in a really well off sorority and every fucking girl there is a bitch or a skank or rude or...I thought my parents would back off once I left for college, but they still want more."

She sits up, flexing her fingers out,"They always want more, they're like hungry fucking wolverines. And don't even get me started with the girls I _actually _live with. You know, I thought they were really cool at first, I was starting to get over being home sick until...ugh."

She turns to me, "It's always a competition. And it's one I always find myself playing along with. You know I've been wearing make up every single day over there? And don't even get me started on the drinking..."

"How much do you drink?"  
>"Like, three nights a week. Heavily. All the social events I go to...It doesn't help being a mayor's daughter either, they're all over me. The professors, the sororities, my coaches...I made a huge mistake...!" She holds her eyes, taking deep breaths.<p>

Her ring tone goes off and she lets it ring for a few seconds before she heatedly pulls her cellphone out of her jacket, "Shut up shut up shut up _shut up!"_

Kairi turns off her phone completely.

"I might just drop out and move back in with Namine...you think she'd go for that?"

"I wouldn't know, I've been just as gone as you have. Why don't you just move back period. Tell your dad that college blows and get an apartment."

"It''s not that easy. I'd have to fist fight him to get him to even consider it."

"I'd pay to see it."

She smiles lightly.

"You know, Namine called me late one night, crying? I couldn't understand her at first, but once I calmed her down she told me how depressed she was. Apparently Roxas just blew her off after he found out he was graduating."  
>"Blew her off?"<p>

"Yeah, I know. Roxas doesn't sound like the type to be _that _harsh. Especially to her."  
>"I know he said something about not dating her, but I don't think he'd just blow her off completely. I wonder what happened."<p>

Kairi shrugs, "Who knows? I stayed on the phone talking to her all night. She was obviously leaving out details, but she sounded so devastated. Like she wanted to kill herself."  
>"Really?"<p>

Kairi sits on my bed now, prodding at the sheets.

"She didn't say it, but it felt like it. Itmakes me want to move back, drop everything you know? But then the next second she's cool without me, like nothing ever happened. I feel..."  
>Kairi frowns heavily, obviously tormented by her thoughts. She sits there irritated, pulling and prodding the sheets of my bed as she held her head.<p>

"Have you talked to her face to face?"  
>"It's...not that easy."<p>

"You guys haven't seen each other since forever, she's not going to just blow you off. She's only in the other room."

Kairi ruffles her hair, "You're right, you're right...I know."

She stands up, "You just gonna lay here all night? I think they're watching stupid Christmas movies downstairs soon. Some R rated ones if you're interested."

"Damn. I gotta miss the hardcore stuff. I don't wanna get everyone sick."

She smiles, "Good."

I frown.

"Uh-N-Not that we didn't want you around us! Of course!"  
>"...<em>.Of course.<em>" I bat my eyelashes.

She laughs.

"Hey, before you go, can you pass me my cigarettes?"

She cocks her eyebrow, "Cigarettes?"  
>"Yes."<p>

"No!"

"Please?"

She sighs, throwing the pack on my chest.

"Take it easy smokey."

"Yup."

After she closes the door I pull myself up in bed. My body seems to ache more and more by the second and it's _freezing._

I feel goosebumps on my skin as I light my cigarette and watch over the evening news. The reporter gabbed on about boring local news, along with a few more interesting bits of news from other parts of the world.

I inhale a bit too much smoke in one drag and start hacking again. I try to stop myself but my lungs persist, so I grab my inhaler from my pants and take a few puffs.

The side of the house creeks. I look over my bare shoulder and see bits of red raising. Axel's eyes peek through the window. I slide it open and he hangs onto the ledge, "How's it going Blue Eyes?"

"I'm alright."  
>"I see you're smoking again."<br>I smile, "Never quit."

"See how cold it is outside?" He looks to the skies clearing behind him. The sea carried light fog calmly. His red hair bellows lightly in the wind as moon clears the clouds, making his green eyes light up brilliantly.

"They say it might snow soon. Looks like we won't have to throw sand balls at each other this Christmas."

I smile, "I hope I feel better by then."

"Ah!" He crawls in, pulling the back pack off his back. A look closer reveals his little dog. It crawls out the bag and shakes off.

"Hope he didn't crap all over your present..." Axel murmurs.

"What? You got me a present?" I hold the dog, scratching his ears as he jumped along the bed.

"Why of course. But first..." He pulls out a bottle containing wicked green liquid.

"Uh-uh. No." I instantly say. I let the pup go and scrunch up on the bed, coughing.

I put out the bud of my cigarette along the house outside the window.

He kneels at the bed, "I'm ready and willing to force feed you."  
>I frown, "Aw Axel you know I hate that crap."<br>"So what? You just wanna die?"  
>"No."<br>"Didn't think so."

He nears the bed and I pull the covers tightly over my face.

"The faster you drink it the faster this'll all be over with."  
>I feel his figure straddle my side with force. He pulls the sheets off of me.<p>

"And I also don't care about spilling any on you."  
>"Axel!" I whine, but he holds his ground.<p>

I pout.

"Oh please."

"Fine..." I say with a grimace, taking the little cup out of his hands.

I stare down at the green goop, sniffing it periodically.

"Drink it already!"  
>"Fine!"<p>

I slam it back and it slides down the back of my throat.

"Gah...!" I make a face at the disgusting taste, giving Axel the cup back.

"There ya go!"

I chase it with water and flop back down on the bed.

"What's the name of your dog again?" I asked, as his pup scratched at the door.

"I dunno, Rocky? Hey your step dad isn't home right?"  
>"No, he's gone. I was gonna tell you that you didn't need to climb up this time but you didn't call."<br>"So it's cool if he goes downstairs?"

I nod and Axel opens up the door. His dog runs out the door and Axel keeps his ear out for a few seconds until he hears Kairi squealing.

Axel closes the door and takes off his jacket before jumping into bed with me.

And he squeezed me, tight.

Held me snug around my waist as his head rested on my chest.

With him close, I feel so safe.

So close to sleep, since he makes me so comfortable.

"Funny..." He says calmly.

"Your lungs, they're crackling. Is that normal?"

**-x-**

I take Sora's temperature and try to get him to eat, but he refuses."I can't keep anything down. I've tried. And it hurts to eat..."  
>I frown, "Not even a little?"<br>He shakes his head.

"Okay..." I crawl over him and lay my arm across his stomach. He nuzzles into me.

"Do you think it's really gonna snow by Christmas?"

"Yeah. That's only about, three days away from now I believe."  
>"I hope I feel better by then. I really <em>really<em> want to make a snowman."

I smile.

"What about my present?" He asks.  
>"Oh yeah.<em>.."<em>

I laugh, "I mean, it's not much."

I reach over the bed and grab his box.

He smiles wide at me with hazy eyes, "Axel you didn't have to, I feel bad for not getting you anything."  
>I shrug, "Don't worry about it."<p>

He looks down at the box, "You sure? It's early."  
>I nod.<p>

He looks inside of the box and pulls out the small sword key chain.  
>He grins, "It's a key chain."<br>"Yeah. You...like to collect those, right? I noticed you usually wear a different one everyday..."

He squeezes my face and kisses me.

**-x-**

Over the course of three days my health has deteriorated. I've been waking up in cold sweats every three hours or so and I've probably had only two bites out of any Christmas food my mom has prepared. My stomach burns from the lack of food and my heads been splitting. My whole body aches, but my back feels like it's getting the brunt of it.

Axel has been running back and forth in between packing his bags for his big move and taking care of me. He's already busy enough, I feel bad every time he comes over just to see if I'm okay. I keep telling him to focus on whatever he needs to do but he's fucking stubborn.

I lay in bed, watching the deep gray sky as I thought about what I was gonna do today.

Crows fly by.

_Snow..._

I sit up quickly and look to the ground.

Same old grass and pavement.

"Dang it..." I sigh, flopping back down on the bed.

_Wonder how dad's spending his Christmas.  
><em>

I roll onto my side and feel pain radiating up from my abdomen.

"Ow..." I sit up carefully, ignoring the pain as I struggled to put on a sweater.

Downstairs the mood is very lively. I almost felt bad about bringing my infection among the common people, until I saw presents labeled for me.

And for some crazy reason I think that maybe my dad gave a fuck about me this year.

A letter, heck maybe even a postcard.

I rush down the stairs all giddy.

Start feelin' warm and fuzzy.

Like, hot. And not really fuzzy, but numb.

I stop at the stairs and try to catch my breath, but it's nearly impossible. My vision steeps down to blurriness as I squint my eyes in an attempt to see.

"Aye you alright? Come get your presents fool." Roxas says.

I don't answer him, grabbing my abdomen instead.

"A...ow...!"

I feel a sharp pain, strong enough to stop me screaming. I grip my stomach, trying to remedy the situation.

"Sora you okay?" My mom asks from the kitchen.

**-x-**

"Sora!"

"Sora wake up!"

The first thing I see are the colorful Christmas lights coming into focus. Mom and Roxas are hovering over me concerned.  
>I roll over and hold on to my stomach, the pain still present but not as intense.<p>

"What's wrong? How sick are you?" My mom touches my forehead, arranging herself next to me as though she's some EMT. "We need to take you to the hospital."  
>"No no no. I'm fine." I say sitting up slowly.<p>

"Are you sure?" Roxas asks.

"You smacked the ground pretty hard sweetie I don't think you're okay. I can't even hear you."

"Yeah, your voice is gone dude. And the side of your face is red."

I touch the side of my face and it stings hot.

"I feel it... Don't worry, I'll be fine. I just need to sleep it off. I probably stood up too fast."

They look at each other with a small smile.  
>"Oh hun you sound like you're going through puberty again..." My mom chuckles out.<p>

"Get off of me..." I push myself up and leave them.

"What about your presents?"  
>"I'll open them later, I'd rather not open presents right now if I'm about to die." I joke.<p>

I walk up the stairs, hiding my discomfort until I reach my room where I double over on my bed. Chills begin to run through my body, no matter how warm I try to get.

I reached for some more medicine when my phone starts buzzing.

"H-Hello?" My teeth chattered.  
>"Merry- Hey you alright?" Axel asks.<p>

"Y-Yeah, j-just...you know..."  
>"What? Are you okay?"<p>

"Yeah, I'm about to take some medicine I'll be fine."

"You don't even sound it, I can barely hear your voice functioning. Look, I'll be over as soon as I drop some stuff off at the post office, okay?"

"Axel I don't want you to go out of-"  
>"-Save it. I can barely hear you as is. I'll see you soon Blue Eyes alright? Just hang in there and<em> don't move<em>."

"Whatever."

I hang up and get out of bed. I move to the bathroom slowly and look at myself in the mirror.

I open my mouth and see my massive tonsils.

_Holy shit._

Big mistake.

I close my mouth at the wretched sight and hurry out of the bathroom.  
>I scurry into bed and watch the skies pass by.<p>

**-x-**

"Sora, hey Sora..."

I feel cool hands stroke my face. I groan, annoyed that my precious rare sleep was interrupted. I twitch away from his freezing cold hands for a second but he keeps touching my fucking face.

"Axel your hands are..."I open my eyes and see the white crystals in his hair. Before I could ask anything he puts his fingers to his lips.

"Shh...Look." He pushes my curtains open, and I see it.

I see the white flakes falling.

Not just one, or two, but millions.

Billions.

One after another after another.

I blink, just to make sure I'm not dreaming. I can barely see past the thousand flakes.

I push out a raspy gasp as I sat up and look out the window. My knuckles squeezed onto the window seal as I slammed my window open and looked out in amazement. I reached my hands out, feeling the flakes land softly on my hand before melting. The sky was almost black, the wind silently blew as I could hear the heavy flakes building upon one another.

It was so quiet.

I jump out of bed and start putting clothes on.

"Wait what are you doing?"  
>"I'm not gonna sit here and die while everyone else is having fun." I forced out.<p>

"Sora you can't go out you're-"  
>I glare at him, taking a huge deep breath in as though I was about to blow him away.<br>"Okay okay okay."

**-x-**

He was like a kid again, running and jumping and...

He kinda spazed out for a second. He runs to the middle of the street, his head snapping back and forth like a crazed squirrel.

"It's so cold!" He laughs excitedly.

I've been in and out all day so I'm freezing, but it's starting to get to the point where I can finally ignore it despite it soaking through my shoes.

I myself never favored the unforgiving elements, no matter how beautiful. I remember sleeping in the snow as a kid and I fucking hated it. Nothing unnerved me more than having to sit outside and light a fucking fire over and over again hoping this white shit didn't come around for a few hours...

Yeah...snow was never anything I really liked up until now.

We walk to his back yard where time seemed to stand still. His bountiful eyes wonder at the snow. Sora looks at the low fence closely, amazed at how the snow perfectly stacked the wooden surface. He looks around at the bare trees, he looks far down the street.

"Whoa..." I hear him say.

"So this is what it's like...cool!"

He leans down and pokes the snow before grabbing a handful. His eyes grow big and he breathes, "Shit!"

He shakes his head, smiling as he clumsily rolls a weird weak snowball.

"Wow." I say.

"How do you...you know?" He looks up to me curiously, holding his hands out.

"Make a snowball?"

He nods.

I hold his hands, "Like this. You kinda have to squish it."

"It's _freezing _though_..."_

He eventually gets around to making hit first snowball. It looks a little hard, painful, but nice. "There ya go. Whatcha gonna do with it?"

Sora looks up to Roxas' window and I follow his gaze.

"Roxas is gonna flip once he sees this..."

"You gonna throw it at his window?"

"I don't know...is it gonna break the window?"

"I wouldn't think-"

He throws a fast ball of frigid ice in my face. I was right. It hurt really bad. I'd be pissed if he wasn't laughing his ass off right now.

"Sora! You know that's not fair you're sick!" He snickers as he scoops up more snow, "So?"

"I don't wanna hurt you."

He cackles, "Then I guess you're just gonna have to sit there and take it, huh? Easy target practice." He makes one snowball after another, propelling it towards my face and body.

After about the tenth time, I had about enough. I start gathering an ample amount of snow in my palms. Sora watched closely, surprised at how big one could get probably.

"You should run." I warn him.

"What? You're not really gonna hit me with that, are you?"

I laugh at how his voice crackles like a broken jukebox. He starts backing away, and just as he turns around to run I'm on his tail, smashing the huge ball of snow over his head. He squeals as much as his voice allows, shaking his head free of the snow.

"What the fuck is-" Roxas shouts down from his window. He's at a lost for words as he stared down the winter wonderland. He looks around in disbelief for a second before scrambling away from his window.

**-x-**

My hands started to burn from the freezing cold but that didn't stop me. I worked diligently to create the ultimate snowman with Axel. My teeth chattered as we rolled the big ball of snow around the yard.

"I can't believe it! It's snowing holy crap!" We hear Roxas saying from the front. Little by little people came out from their houses to see the sight. Roxas runs to the back door and starts pulling his pants down.

"Dude what the fuck are you doing?" Axel asks.

"Shut up!"  
>Soon after he starts peeing his name in the snow. Before he finishes, my mom pulls back the curtain, startling Roxas. She opens the door, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"<p>

"Hi mom. Look, it's snowing! And I wrote my name in the snow!"  
>She sighs, "I...I see that. Put your pants back on your brother has guests..."<br>She turns around but stops herself, "Wait, it's...snowing?!"

Before long, it seems as though everyone piled out into the neighborhood. It didn't matter that it was 3 in the morning, everyone was out.

**-x-**

An hour after the hype and mostly everyone has gone inside. You could hear kids crying as they were reluctantly dragged back inside. Sora stares up at the sky surrounded by the mess we had made, as though he's praying for it to snow again. His eyes just wander...

"What's wrong?" I ask. I felt as though he'd had enough after the countless rounds of snowball fights. Our snow angels scoured the back yard around our interesting snowmen.

"I just want it to last forever...it's amazing. It's just like I imagined...I love everything about it."

"It snows at Twilight too, you know."

His eyes widen, "Really?"  
>"Yeah, it snows every winter. A lot more than it does over here."<p>

He starts coughing and I remember that he's still sick.  
>"Let's go inside, you need your rest."<p>

"Hold on, make one more snow angel with me?"

"Sora you've gotta be kidding me, we've been out here for hours now."

I worry about him and how sick he really is but he's just so...

"Please...?" He holds on to my hand. I meet his gaze, taking in how amazing he is.  
>His cute little red nose and cheeks...<p>

Damn it.

I grunt, "Yeah, fine. Real quick."

"Yes!"

He stumbles around, looking for an untouched area. I look over to the street, and nudge him, "How bout over there?"  
>"The street?"<br>"See anyone driving?"  
>"I guess not."<p>

**-x-**

I'm starting to feel a little out of it, but I just have to make this one last snow angel.

We walk over to the middle of the street and look around. The road was smoothed over from the recent snowfall. Street lights illuminated the snow, making it appear almost crystallized.

He picks a spot and carefully sits down. I follow, crossing my legs as I slowly descended on the snow for the last time tonight. I'm wishing it picks up tomorrow, but I know that this is probably the best it's gonna get.

Me and Axel sat in the middle of the road, staring down the long long road leading to the ocean. My chest start piercing and pulsating with pain, but I try to ignore it.

We start making our snow angels, staring up above.

"Sora?"

"Yeah?"  
>"What would you say...if..."<br>"What?"

I turn my head, and he meets me with a kiss.

"Never mind." He smiles.

"Axel."  
>"What?"<br>"You've been doing that lately. I don't like it."  
>"Oh, really? Sorry, I didn't notice." He doesn't look me in the eyes, pushing my buttons.<br>My small laugh ends abruptly, the sharp pains hard to ignore now.

"Oww...!" I curl over to the side in pain. I start trembling and coughing, gasping for air.

"Are you okay?" Axel asks.

I try to take a deep breath and cough. The taste on my tongue isn't quite right, so I spit out onto the snow. Low and behold, I am starting to cough up thick, unbroken stringy green mucus streaked with dark blood.

Axel's eyes are as wide as mine as he looks down at the splat of blood. He knees down closer to the blotch on the floor, "The fuck is _that_? You okay Sora?"

I hold my mouth and gasp for air.

**-x-**

Last thing I saw was the sky flying forward.

I wake up, and people are shouting near me.

I'm in unbearable pain, I can't...

My immediate reaction is to curl up.

"What the fuck do you mean you can't get an ambulance out here!? My son is coughing up blood and you're telling me to wait!?" My mom is _screeching _her head off. I look around and notice that I'm in the living room of my house, on Axel's lap. I notice splotches of muck-blood across the chest of his jacket.

He looks down and asks me how I'm feeling, but I can barely speak. I roll off his lap onto the ground and curl up in a little ball, holding on to my coughing fits as much as possible to stop worrying. I myself didn't want to see anymore of that thick-ass muck-blood than I already had. The longer I held on though, the more it hurt.

And the more it hurt, the more I had to cough.

The more I had to cough, the more crap that came up.

I try to cough in my hand, huddled in between the couch and the coffee table.

"What are we gonna do?"

"Donny's not answering his phone and he didn't leave the keys to his truck...And no one's driving, not even taxi's..."  
>"So, then we're going by foot." Axel speaks up.<p>

"How are we gonna go by foot?"  
>"I'll carry him."<br>"You can't be serious."

I hold my mouth and try to get up. As I straighten out, the pain pulsates throughout my whole body.

"Sora be careful!" My moms yelling is starting to become a little too much. I could barely register what happened to me outside let alone what's going on now. My insides feel like they're beginning to boil.

I stumble to the bathroom past the kitchen, unable to keep my bloodied hands off of the doorknob. I rinse the resistant mucus off my hands and face, roughly bent over the sink as I try to finish the job fast. As soon as I finish I dry myself with the hand towel, shaking all the way through.

I leave the bathroom, brushing past everyone just to make it outside. I lean against the house on the frozen porch, taking breaths and watching the air puff in front of me.

As far as I'm concerned, I could be dying. I've been sick before, but not to this extent. A few more minutes dealing with the pain and I realize that I rather die halfway to the hospital than at my house. I crack open the front door, looking into the living room where Roxas and my mom are furiously texting. Axel is right next to the front door, watching them.

"I'm going." Was all I could push out.

"To the hospital?"

I nod, feeling rushed more than ever. But before I could leave, my mom rushes out with her purse.

"Hold on." She says.

Before I could complain, she breaks the glass window to Donny's truck.

No shit. She smashes it to bits and climbs in before crawling under the steering wheel.

"...What the fuck does she think she's doing?" I ask in a raspy voice.

"I...your mom knows how to hot wire cars?"

Roxas jogs out with a huge grin, "Heavy fucking metal."

**-x-**

I cling onto Axel's arm as we walk through the parking lot to get to the E.R. On the way over we almost ran off the road twice and almost got lost, but somehow we made it.

Workers are outside, desperately plowing the snow away with shovels. It's eerily quiet when we get inside. The lights are intense, illuminating every corner of the place.

I sign in and fill out paperwork before telling them my symptoms briefly. Well, I attempt to tell them but my voice is so cut off the lady at the front desk can barely hear me.

My mother steps in, already frustrated that they didn't send us an ambulance she had begged for so she chewed this lady out for so much as breathing.

"Ma'am, you don't have to be so hostel. I can guarantee we'll get adequate care for your son in time."  
>"He's been coughing up blood all the way here, I refuse to wait more than-"<br>"-Mom-"  
>"-Sora hush. My kid could've died the least you could do is get a doctor to see him! I refuse to wait more than..."<p>

I groan, taking a seat in the lobby. I'd rather not be sent back to grade school, listening to my mom cut me off because "the grown ups are talking".

I watch from a far. I watch Axel's facial expression goes from shocked to horrified as my mom says her last set of words. Roxas laughs, patting my mom on the back as he sends her away.

Axel comes over and sits next to me, "Your mom is _pissed _at that lady."

"What did she say...?"

Before Axel could explain my mom shuffles over and sits down, crossing her arms as she squeezed her purse tight. After Roxas exchanges a few more words with the desk attendant he walks back to us, shaking his head.

"Fuck mom, you don't take out your anger on the first person you see."

She huffs, pushing her stressed straw-like hair aside, "Fuck that bitch."

I raise my brows and we all fall silent, staring straight ahead.

**-x-**

It wasn't long before I was seen. After about an hour of tests including x-rays, throat swabs and getting my blood drawn, they finally let me relax. The nurse knocks on the door with medication.

"We have some Norco for you to take for discomfort. Hydrocodone may make you a little woozy but it should kick in rather quickly."

_Hydrocodone..._

She hands me a small cup with the pills and some water before exiting.

I stare down at the pills, looking at the engraving as I thought about it.

_Hydrocodone...?_

_Oh...yeah..._

I hold back from cheering as I realize that this is vicodin.

Oh, God yes.

I take it, so tempted to chew on the pills. I don't though, wanting to keep my decency.

I lay back in the uncomfortable mat they call a bed, a drip stuck deep in my arm administering liquids.

The rush of taking the medicine soon reseeded and I was sent back to hell.

I grumbled, looking to the bright ceiling with disdain.

I _hate _the hospital.

My mom was outside, smoking a cigarette. Probably talking to Donny.

Axel sits right next to me, combing through my hair as I shifted, wondering if the high is going to kick in or not. I wish I could rip the I.V out of my arm and leave, probably smoke some weed waiting for the nod session to kick in.

But maybe this is getting bad. Maybe I should really think about quitting Vicodin for a while. It feels just...too good. But I know I shouldn't be messing with it as much as I have been lately. If Roxas starts catching on to how much I really take, he'll never let me hear the end of it.

I worry for minutes about the smallest of things before I force myself out of my head.  
>Roxas' looks around the small room, up close to the crap TV they hang up in the corner of the room to all the buttons and labels surrounding the mat I layed on.<p>

"Hmm, you know...I wonder how many people have died in this room."

_What?!_

"Dude." Axel looks to Roxas dead on.

"What? I think that's a normal question to have."

We wait and wait and wait. Minutes dwindled by along with my pain. Soon I begin feeling it.

I begin feeling myself melt pleasantly.

I breathed easier, I moved easier...

"I feel great, can we go home?"  
>Axel smiles.<p>

The doctor walks in, cold in his demeanor as he pulls up his special little chair.

He looks over some papers real quick before raising his gaze at me.

"So, looking over you x-rays and test results we see that you have a fierce infection in your lungs—bronchial pneumonia if you will, along with tonsillitis."

He looks over the paper more and I see my mom quietly enter the room and take a seat next to Roxas.

"...It's very good that you came in on time, you could've died in your sleep, especially with how severe your asthma has become in the last few weeks. The reason why you felt so much pain in your stomach is because it had spread to the bottom of your lungs."

"What? Are you serious?"  
>I can see my moms wide eyed wild expression from the corner of my eye. She's holding onto her mouth.<p>

"Yes, very. We want to put you on some antibiotics and pain killers. Your tonsils are extremely swollen, so I understand how painful it is to eat and drink but you must stay hydrated and fed. It's extremely important towards your recovery. It would also be a good idea to stop smoking while you can. _Very _important, your lungs just aren't built for that kind of abuse."

"So...that thick stuff that I was coughing up?"  
>"Oh that? A simple mucus cast. Normal considering your case. But seriously, you probably wouldn't be coughing that stuff up if you didn't smoke."<p>

**-x-**

By the time I'm discharged from the hospital, it's morning.

I stare out the front door, depressed as I see much of the snow had gone. Taxi's were running again and we waited in the lobby. I walked outside, tired and upset as I kicked around what snow had been left.

Axel grabs my hand, rubbing his thumb softly along the surface of my skin.

"Feelin' alright?"  
>I shake my head, "I missed the greatest night ever."<p>

"No you didn't. We had a pretty good time, don't you think?"

I think about it, and know it's true.

I just wish it lasted forever.

"It won't be the last time you see snow, I promise you. Even if I have to take you somewhere far away, to the mountains. I promise."


	31. Chapter 31

**New Years Eve**

My bed creaks as Roxas shakes around. Light floods my eyes as they slowly open. Hayner's already awake, looking over his new books for this term.

I'm no longer a walking pneumonia contagion, yet I still feel like crap with no Vicodin to back it up.

Ah, yes, crap. The constant coughing and gagging left behind sore lungs, rib cage that aches, and a fucked up throat.

I check out my phone hoping to get a call to go to at least one interview from the all the jobs I've applied to, but nothing yet. Just new texts from Reno and Axel, few from Riku and Kairi...

Tons from my mom, who's just now learning how to text. It's a pain in the ass trying to read what she texts me, so sometimes I just pretend I understand. Or call her.

And yes, of course Axel knows I still talk to Reno and Riku. He's irritated by it, but you know what's more irritating? Knowing that your boyfriend hits up clubs where girls get naked and grind on top of him every fucking weekend while doing ample amounts of coke and getting paid for it. I try not to think about it too much or else I'm just an asshole all day to everyone who talks to me...

...If he _really_ wants to go that route though, then the least he could let me do is keep my friends, all of which I never fucked. Sure, I've made out with them...but that's nowhere near fucking.

He gets _pissed _when I bring up that argument, but it's the truth. At least I decided to trust him at all. And yes, of course Reno knows I'm no longer single. Not that I threw it out there, it just sort of came up. And it's funny, I expected him to give me the cold shoulder but he seems unfazed by it. Even happy for me.

Riku though...still really hates Axel...And get's a little bitchy when he comes up in our conversations.

I mean, he _hates _him. I'm trying to keep a level of honesty out there with Riku...because he is still one of my best friends (as hard as that is to believe, I guess I'm really forgiving). But he hates how he's a coke head who won't get a job or an education. He...just wants something better for me. I understand, I really do. But...Axel still gives me that sense of safety and comfort. Axel has done a lot to get me to trust him again. Riku only really gave a flying fuck about me after he heard me and Axel were even talking after he dumped me...on my **_birthday._**

Axel...any other person wouldn't try to understand him as much as I do. And all because he comes across harsh...

He's not as bad as people say he is. I know it. I _feel _it.

All in all, my life needs a huge change. I don't want to be a push over anymore, and I don't really want to keep on taking Vicodin. I want to work out, and get a job, eventually stop smoking weed and cigarettes. You know, everything you do to stay _out_ of your mothers basement. For me to do that, I need to make sure I'm happy and not doped up all the time.

So I'm kicking Vicodin...I have to work on quitting the nicotine...and if I quit nicotine, I don't see why I should stop weed so soon...

I need _something _to help me relax, and booze is a wild card. I'd rather stick to weed...which is the last thing I should really stick to...but it's not like anyone is keeping score.

I scratch my head and attempt to fall asleep longer, but Roxas is already up and moving. He catches me before I lull back to sleep.

"Sora, show me around. I need to shower."

I groan as I pick myself up out of bed.

The halls are once again the hub of activity around here. Roxas holds onto his bag, walking down the hall next to me as girls look him up and down. He plays googly eyes with almost every girl that'll play with him and I have to nudge him to stop. Right as we reached the bathrooms one of the usual kids who hassles me starts up the hall.

"Got a new boyfriend fag?" He's as loud as his laugh is pompous, and his friends just egg him on trying to get a reaction out of me. I don't let it, but of course...

"What the fuck was that you fucking bitch?" Roxas barks back, always willing to talk louder than the last.  
>They only laugh as I push him along. Once we get into the bathroom he snaps around, "Who the fuck is that asshole?"<p>

"Don't know. Think he lives on the first floor." I say as I walk down and open a shower stall for him. I avoid looking at him for a second, but it doesn't feel right. I turn to him, "You ready? Hot water only lasts for so long before it's out for an hour."

He puts his hands on his hips, "Fuck the water. Are we gonna go out their and kick their asses or what?"

I sigh, "Roxas this is college, it's not like back home. If I pick a fight I get expelled _and _arrested. I don't think a few words are worth it, do you?"

He grabs his sandy blonde head of hair and yanks it over his reddened face.

I see him bite down on his bottom lip as his emotions take over.

"You can't start letting them do this to you all over again, Sora."

I hate seeing him get like this...

"Ah c'mon, you're getting more ruffled up than I am and you're not even gay."  
>I smile, laugh it off as much as it bothers me for the sake of Roxas.<p>

Because he doesn't know how to control himself or hold back. Especially when it comes to strangers.

I'm the anchor to his roaming ship.

"This place fucking sucks Sora. Go to Sunset with me."

I smile slightly, "Roxas, I'm fine. Just...take your shower." I pat him on the back. He reluctantly goes into the shower stall and slams the door shut.

I finally drop the smile, and leave.

**-x-**

"I miss you."  
>"Why don't you come over for the night? You can visit me now you know."<p>

"I don't know...I'm watching my brother for one more night and then I have to take him to the airport tomorrow."

"Oh. Fuck that guy. Come over."

"I'll watch your brother. For five bucks I won't put my cigarettes out on him when he starts acting up." Hayner snickers.

I start lighting up a joint I just rolled and Hayner gives me the look. I know I'm not supposed to be smoking after the mucus casts I coughed up over the break, but it's not like it's going to kill me.

….Maybe. Hopefully not.

It hurts to inhale, my rib cage doesn't want to extend anymore after what it's been through, but I push the smoke in deep and hold it.

"Are you smoking?" Axel immediately asks over the phone.

"No."

"Are you sure?"  
>"No...I can't smoke remember?"<p>

"No shit. Doesn't mean you won't."

I smile slyly.

"Yeah he's smoking Axel!" Roxas blows the whistle on me.

"What did he say?"  
>"Nothing."<p>

I pull the phone away from my ear and hold it, "Shut the fuck up."  
>"He's smoking he's smoking Axel he's smoking smoking smoking!" Hayner squeals.<p>

"He's a no good dirty lying scumbag Axel!" Roxas yells in support.  
>I throw a shoe straight at them.<p>

"Yeah, uh-huh, not smoking huh? Liar."  
>I can only chuckle, caught red handed (kinda).<br>"You are so smart. So, when you coming over? I busted my ass off to make this place look decent and smell like lemon pledge."  
>"Tonight, if the view is as nice from your room as you say it is. If it's not, then you can go fuck off. I need that atmosphere."<br>"It is...yeah, _especially _when you're laying in the bed."  
>I laugh, "You don't say?"<p>

**-x-**

**6 pm**

"Fucking shit Sora, you haven't left yet?" Axel asks, peeved at me over the phone. I stare down at my cell phone, his voice blaring through the speaker.

My one joint turned into six with the guys' help, and now I'm tired and lazy...and hungry.

Definitely not motivated to drive all the way to Axel's. Is that bad?

"It's been almost three goddamn hours."

I've just been staring at my ceiling, laughing at the stupid shit the guys have been doing. I didn't think that much time passed by...but I guess I'm wrong.

I hear him growl.

"I'm sorry."

"You lazy fucking stoner. I have half a mind to hang up on you right now."

"Please don't. I'm sorry." I frown.

Roxas and Hayner laugh at me and I flip them off before picking up the phone and going to the closet to get some privacy.

"No need to get nasty my darling."  
>"Get your fat ass up and get in your fucking car and visit me like a good boyfriend should."<p>

I ruffle my hair, "I'll be over soon my dear."  
>"You better."<p>

"Cheer up?"  
>"I'll think about it. Probably won't."<p>

"I might stop for tacos first."

"...What?"

"I said, I might stop for tacos first. I'm really hungry."  
>"...<em>Might?<em>"

By the tone of his voice, I can tell I've finally landed myself in hot water. But I'm _so _hungry...and those things are _so good._

And the food in the lounge today _sucks_.  
>"I'll...get you something? What do you want. It's on me."<p>

I hear nothing from the other end. I look at the screen on my phone and it's just my screensaver.

"Shit."

He hung up on me.

I was just being honest.

I exit the closet and begin to pull on my shoes.  
>"You leaving for the night?"<br>"Yeah. Promise me you guys won't get in trouble?"

"We'll be fine."  
>"Yeah, we're just gonna stay in and drop some MDMA."<p>

I sigh, "Always something...what the fuck is MDMA?"  
>Hayner shrugs, "It's a drug, what else would it be?"<p>

"I don't know, a hooker?"

"God you're so stupid it hurts sometimes Sora." Roxas ridicules me in a manner much like how he would to impress his friends in middle school.  
>"You're stupid." I say it...because it's true.<p>

"Want one? I can give you a pill. It'd still be more than enough if you split it with Axel. And I tested it. Here."  
>Hayner reaches in his pocket and pulls out this tiny baggie with a weird pressed purple pill inside.<p>

I look at them before taking it out of the baggie. I squint my eyes, noticing the unprofessional effort that went into pressing the powder into a solid pill form. The eye designed on it was the only thing really noteworthy.

"..._Yeaaah I'm not taking this..." _I stretch out, feeling weird just holding it in my palm.

Hayner crosses his arms, "Fine, then give it back.

"Yeah, Sora doesn't have the balls to roll with Axel. If anything he'll just watch Axel roll all night." Roxas jeers.

I roll my eyes, "You guys are probably just pranking me. You probably just dyed a fucking vitamin purple I hate you both."  
>I stick the pill back into the tiny zip lock bag and shove it deep in my pocket as they contested me taking the pill.<p>

"I'm older than both you fuckers. You get nothing. You deserve _nothing."_

I stick out my arm, waving the middle finger at both of them before walking out the room.

_Bastards._

**-x-**

I feel like shit. I mean, it's not like I'm a fucking noob anymore. The only reason I didn't trust this little shitty pill is because of the way other fucking pills are cut to perfection. It's fucking sketchy. Who's to say they aren't pranking me with some fucking purple laxative.

They'd all _love _to see me shit myself. It ain't happening.

_Maybe I'm just working myself up too much..._

I decide to skip tacos and I make it into Axel's neighborhood half past seven. The hill up the road is steep, and I eventually find his place right on the corner.

It's...old.

Brick-y, overrun by weeds and vines...something about it is uneven, maybe the result of being built on such a steep hill, but otherwise it's a pretty decent home. I pull up to the curb and look down the street, noting the mobile basketball hoops on the streets and bikes laying out on the lawn. Before I get out of the car, I get a text from Hayner.

_"Seriously. Don't throw that pill away. You'd be throwing away an amazing night. And 30 fucking bucks down the drain."_

I sigh, "Whatever Hayner..."

I hope out of the car and look around the front yard. A dirty naked baby doll is entangled in some grass right next to the cement path leading to his door. I try to kick it away, but it's _actually _being strangled by this grass. It freaks me out enough to make me speed walk to the front door.

I knock nervously and hear two dogs start barking. I look to the ground by my feet, hoping that Axel doesn't ignore me because he's pissed. Eventually, Axel opens the door and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, falling into his arms. I pull away and he won't even look me in the eye.

He has that preppy school girl pissy face attitude about him. I'm not surprised.

"Yeah thanks for _actually_ coming this time."

"I see you're still mad." I say with a small smile.

"I skipped the tacos."  
>"Yeah whatever. Come in before I change my mind." He says with a slight scowl. I follow him behind down a dim narrow hallway into the living room. A few boxes still lay off to the corners of the living room untouched. Saix' dogs roll around comfortably on the couch, one really old and one really young, eyeing me excitedly as their tails wave and flop around. I can't help but run over and greet their adorable freaking faces.<p>

"Living room." He says, throwing out his arm in a half-assed ta-da way.

He looks around, unsure of what to show me first as he names off the obvious.

"Um, lights, closet...bathroom's over there...I need to buy some more impressive shit..."

"That's...the backyard. More like a jungle, but we just decided to ignore that for now."

"It's scary." I say, looking away from the dogs.  
>"Yeah, no kidding."<p>

The backyard view through the back door was dark and creepy, reminding me of those horror movies where a guy with a mask emerges from the dark bushes with a knife, waiting to gut you.

"It's not so scary once you see the rest of the place, promise..._maybe. Kinda. _No promises."

"Gee, thanks Axel." I say as I walk closer to the backdoor.

I look out the glass, first observing the impossibly high hedges. He walks next to me and points out the glass.

"There's a rusted fence somewhere under all those leaves, Sai actually says the only thing holding that fence out there up are the bushes and vines."

"Really? That's disgusting. Disgusting as in disgustingly creepy. Who'd you get this house from again?"

He laughs.  
>"I don't know. To be honest, I'd rather not know. I'm happy now, why ruin it? Wanna see the kitchen?"<br>"S-sure."

He leads me through this door into the kitchen, where the linoleum floor resembled a bad black and white tiled trip. The cupboards were made out of old wood and dusty glass, and the sink faucet had to be at least thirty years old with it's weird faux crystal sink knobs. It's a little weird vintage hole, and I feel like I'm on the slightest hill but I can't tell for sure.

"It even comes with a creepy hatch." He heads to the corner of the kitchen and points out an old wooden hatch in the floor.

"The fuck?!" I'm horrified.

He starts cracking up, "I knew you'd get a kick out of this."

Of course his kitchen is something nightmares are made of.  
>"Axel what is that? Why is that there?" I hold onto his arm as though I'm looking at a monster.<p>

He chuckles at my fear, "You scared?"  
>"Uh..."<br>"Aw babe it's just a hole in the ground." He shrugs, his nose crinkling up as he smiles.

"You're fucking with me." I walk a little closer.

"Open it." I tell him.  
>He stares at me, his smile slowly falling off, "You're kidding me...right?"<p>

I shake my head, "Open it."  
>Axel shakes his head, "Alright...If you say so..."<br>He kneels down slowly, looking at me before he opens it.

I wish I never asked. It's just pitch black down there, with no fucking ladder or anything. Now I that I _know_ I'm staying the night in a house with this shit, I want to actually leave. His backyard is elementary compared to this.

"Do you...hear that?"  
>"Don't fuck with me Axel."<br>A look of desperation comes across his face, "Sora I'm not kidding! Listen..." He whispers harshly as he lent over the edge of the hole. I reluctantly lean over the edge and hear the freezing wind flow through the darkness below. The smell that's emanating from the hole smelled...rotten even. This is just...demonic-

"RAWR!" He growls in a low, quick, loud tone as he shakes me and I jolt back, gasping like an old lady about to have a heart attack.

"Fucking shit Axel!"

He laughs, his green eyes sparkling as he gets a kick out of exploiting my fears.

"Not funny...Not even close. _Dick._" I gather myself up, taking a few deep breathes as he closes the hatch. "It's a hole Sora."

I cross my arms and refuse to look at him.

What can I say. He's an asshole.

"Hey, I'm sorry." He nudges me with his foot. I refuse to stand.

"I...seriously hate you right now." I huff out and look away from him. Axel kneels down and slowly walks his hands next to each of my sides, pressing my nose up against his.  
>"I'm sorry, I mean it. It was just a little payback for making me wait so long to see you."<br>I try to look away but he won't let me.

I close my eyes and feel his warm lips graze upon mine.

_"Axel..." _I grumble even more, trying to stay mad I guess.

But I can't.

"What?" He asks in a husky tone, not waiting for my answer as he pushes me down on the cool linoleum floor. "You piss me off."  
>He rolls his bright green eyes up, "Could say the same about you."<p>

He smiles devilishly, knowing he's about to devour me. His lips press up against my harder as his body slowly lowers on top of mine. His tongue finally penetrates my lips, enticing me even more as his hands slowly crawl up under my shirt. His finger grazes my nipples and causes me to moan deeply into his throat. I grab handfuls of his hair and wrap my legs around his waist, no longer able to hold back the passion I feel for him.

The door to the kitchen opens and closes and we freeze in place as the footsteps come closer, both forgetting that he had a roommate. Saix walks directly over us, his bangs hanging over his bagged eyes, "Axel, not in the kitchen." He says with frown.  
>Axel pulls his tongue out of my throat, "Not even on the floor?" He breathes, wiping his mouth.<br>"No. That's for the dogs."

Axel sighs, wiping his mouth as I look away extremely embarrassed.

"...Alright. Fine."  
>"I'll wait." Saix says, leaving the kitchen.<p>

The second Axel hears the door closing, not even hearing it shut, but just closing, his hands smack the floor and he shoves his tongue deep into my mouth.  
>"Axel, we can't..." I struggle to turn my head and say.<p>

He thrusts himself against my ass and I feel just how hard he his. I almost fall back into the heated passion, shyly grinding up against him as we kiss but I somehow stop myself.  
>"Axel. We shouldn't."<p>

"Fine..." He says reluctantly.

**-x-**

"Wow." I look over the city, taking in the sight I've never had the chance to see until now. We're in the perfect spot...the quiet outskirts of the city, looking in. Close enough to experience the lights just right.

A firework goes off and I jump at first, but see the colors spark in the sky...  
>I press my face up against the glass, hoping for more to go off. A few go off from what I assume is the sandlot.<p>

"Like it?"  
>"Love it. For a second I'd thought your place would be crap."<br>He laughs, "Thanks. For a second I thought you thought my place _was_ crap."  
>"No, it's not bad."<br>I flop on his bed, nuzzling in under his blankets, all ready to get comfortable. He smiles, making sure that his door is closed and locked.

"I missed you." He admits softly, looking over me from the edge of his bed.

"Show me." I say, hiding my mouth under his blanket in embarrassment.

"Sure thing Blue Eyes." He smiles softly as his long body slinks down over mine.

He wraps his arms around me tight, only loosening enough to grace my neck and collar bone with his adoring kisses. I grab for his soft red locks instantly.

We roll around kissing and talking, separated by the heavy black blanket. I revel in his beautiful company, feeling at peace for the first time in a long while. We eventually stop, afraid of getting too heated so early in the night.

"So, how long are you gonna live here?" I ask him, making myself comfortable on his lap while also trying to distract my dirty thoughts. "As long as I can. As long as we pay the bills on time, I don't see why we'd move."

"Really?"  
>"Yeah." He shrugs.<p>

"_...Really Ax?"_

"Yeah, why?"

"So you don't think pushing coke is gonna do you in, in this nice of a neighborhood?"

He smirks, "No, why?"

"Because, it's just dangerous, is all. I mean, you live in a neighborhood full of kids. You shouldn't depend on being a drug dealer."

He laughs, just as I knew he would.

"Axel..."

"It's not like the movies. It's not like I'm gonna get stabbed in my own fucking shower or something." I frown, "You're too optimistic. Why don't you think of going to school and getting an actual job? You're smart enough you know."

He grins, "I know. _Hey_, maybe in a few months we can count how much money we've made since moving here! Oh, wait, that's right you can't, because you _pay _to go to school. "

_...Asshole._

I grunt, moving myself off his lap," Fuck you too Axel..."

He looks a bit remorseful now, squeezing my hips tight to hold me in place, "Hey, I know you think I'm an asshole, but you worry too much."

I cross my arms, looking away.

"Hey, come on don't be like that. Babe, I promise you, you're over thinking things." His hands graze my face, but it doesn't change the way I feel.

I sigh, thinking about all the things that make me want to pull him out of his stupid little game.

But...I trust him. Maybe I am over thinking things.

"You're a thinker Sora. You think too much. Stop thinking for once...If you don't you'll get a tumor."

"Who tells you this shit...?"

He dips his fingers in my pant pockets and feels the baggie with the pill Hayner gave me earlier.

"What's this?" He pulls it straight out of my pocket.

"Oh yeah, that's...nothing." I try to snatch it away but he quickly moves his monkey arms away.  
>He squints before taking it out of the bag, "Looks like MDMA to me. Is it? I've never tried it before."<p>

"Don't even think about it." I tell him.

Being Axel, he ignores me and starts pulling the baggie open.

He takes a quick lick and I gasp, "Don't lick it! You don't know what they could've gave me."  
>He chuckles, "I think it's molly Sora."<p>

"Ugh, you just love pissing me off don't you?"  
>"Chill out and take a lesson from me."<br>"Wha-" Before I could stop him, he takes half off and chews it, a disgusted look crossing his face. I watch him for almost twenty seconds straight, cussing him out in my mind as he struggles to chew and swallow half of the pill. He chugs water to get it over with, breathing heavily.

"Ugh..."

"Great. Feel better about yourself? Taking my little brothers fucking drugs. I hopes it's a laxative so you shit yourself." I sock him in the arm and stand up, walking over to his window.

"Relax. It's probably fake, taste it." He says, the sour look still present on his face.

"No."  
>"Babe it's not that bad. What's the worst that can happen?"<br>"It's poison, and we die. Roxas gets all my stuff. Or, you shit yourself and I go home."

I hear him stand up and expect him to try to hold me, but he doesn't.  
>"Ya ya ya, here." He's fast, popping the other half deep in my mouth, against my cheek. It starts crumbling into my saliva and the taste is just <em>awful.<em> I gag, almost puking before I grabbed the water and chug it instinctively.

"Axel!" I start punching him as he laughs away.

"It's okay. Hayner texted me and gave me his word that it's not fake. For fucks sake Sora he tested it and showed me the pic."  
>"You know, you'd call me gullible if I said something like that."<br>"I have a hunting knife ready if we shit ourselves. We'll go down together."

**-x-**

With no turning back, and me not willing to throw up just to hopefully not shit myself or become high, I decided to put aside my anger and watch whatever the fuck Axel wants to watch on his computer. He gives me the task of finding something good to watch while he goes to grab more water.

"And remember, _don't _panic if anything goes wrong."

"Fuck off." I say, still slighted by his betrayal.

I looked over the contraption, trying to navigate the invisible mouse pad with precision all the while figuring out what's actually on the screen...

The screen starts bouncing up and down and I start pressing buttons to make it stop.

"Fuuuuuuck..." I groan to myself. I remember that the one thing that makes computers stop is the power button. I slam it with full force over and over again just to get little to no reaction.

"Hurry up and die." I whisper.

"Everything alright?" Axel asks, water in both hands. I glance over briefly.

"Uhhh..._yes?"_

He smiles, "No? Why is the computer shutting down?"

"...Maybe you should take over." I tell him as I scoot away from it.  
>"You <em>still <em>don't know how to work a computer? How are you still in college?" He sits down besides me and fixes everything with a few magical commands.

I rub my face, "No. It's just...I don't know. I pay Hayner to type out all my papers. It's not like Destiny Island even have computers until what...until I turned eight?"

Axel's jaw drops, "You're kidding me."  
>"Yeah, I mean, there were ten computers but they were all located in City hall, at least that's what my mom told me. You had to buy a pass or some shit to use them. Everything kind of sucked up until I left elementary school. Then all of the sudden we had t.v's and games and better power throughout the island. All the cool shit started flooding in, but computers were way more boring and shitty then the games were back then, so I just fucked with games. Plus whenever we'd try to use a computer in our house, our electricity would go out more often. And I don't think we even had WiFi. Yup."<p>

He laughs, truly surprised by the history of Destiny. "Glad I moved over when I did then."

"How'd you learn how to use a computer."  
>He shrugs, "I don't know. Just did."<br>"Really?"  
>"Well, other than it being taught at most of the schools I went to, they were everywhere in most of the places I grew up in. When I lived in Hollow Bastion for a year, me and Hiro would go to different shops and would mess with computers for hours until they got tired of us and kicked us out."<p>

I sigh, "I need to take a computer class."  
>"It's easier than you think. What do you wanna watch?"<p>

I look onto the screen of his laptop as he scrolls down the screen. We eventually settle on some random action movie.

As Axel gets up to turn of the lights, another firework goes off and startles us.

"Forgot it was New Years Eve..." He mumbles before sitting next to me.

I grip his hand tightly, and lay my head on his chest. Five, ten minutes into the movie, his palm starts sweating. His heart is actually racing...

"You okay?" I ask, a little worried.  
>He cocks his brow, "Yeah, why?"<br>"No reason."

I rest my head back on his chest, and we kind of get lost in the film for a while. Forgetting our surroundings. I start having a small coughing fit and he hands me water.

"Do you have any medicine you need to take tonight?" He's referring to my pneumonia meds. I shake my head and finish the water. "No. I already finished them."

"Okay. Be right back. Pause the movie."

He gets up to leave and I stare off into the ceiling. My own palms had begun to sweat and I couldn't quite pin down why.

I start feeling weird about...everything.

Something's...off. Not bad...just...off.

Minutes seem to fly by, but they don't. My emotions become more pronounced by the second, and it feels like my heart is flighty. I fix the blanket over my body and take off my sweater as my temperature begins to rise.

I feel pronounced pulses of...euphoria. Like, I'm climbing.

Outside, bursts of blue and pink light up the sky even though it's only ten. I become captivated by the dazzling display of boisterous colors. At Destiny, fireworks this big aren't allowed. Not that people haven't smuggled over fireworks this huge over there before...but it's a rare site.

Only when my eyes begin to flutter involuntarily do I consider that the MDMA Hayner gave me may be on point.

….Maybe...Is it just me?

_Maybe I'm overreacting...Axel doesn't feel this way so it must just be in my head._

My eyes flutter again as the sensation of me floating came and went. I twiddle my thumbs and grin involuntarily.

**-x-**

I'm sitting downstairs in the kitchen with no idea what to do. I'm really nervous for some reason and I can't shake it.

I was beginning to grin, and I couldn't help it.

_You look like a fucking idiot, stop it._

"Ugh...!" I rub the palms of my hands roughly against my cheek, as if I could rub the grin away.

_Should've never taken that crap..._

If I knew I'd be feeling this anxious and weird and lovey dovey I would've...Too late now.

…._Or is it?_

"_Hiro Hiro Hiro."  
><em>

I slam my thumbs into my phone, texting him repeatedly with no break.

_C'mon text back c'mon..._

"_Wat."_

"_How do you stop a molly trip?"  
>"You serious? You idiot, you don't XD"<em>

…_..This can't be happening._

I'm mainly worried about making myself look like an idiot. Talking about stuff that...shouldn't be talked about.

I'm shaking, feeling my trip dive into some weird little hell side pocket.

"_Miss you bro!"_

"You useless bastard. _Miss...you...too." _I text him back and shove the phone in my pocket.

Hearing Sora cough, I abandon my...abandoning plan.

I grab the water and jolt up the stairs to my room, biting the sides of my mouth as I open and closed the door behind me.

"What took you so long?"

His eyes are wide and watery and his speech is a little faster than usual. I don't think he's aware of how alarmed he looks right now.

"Sorry, Hiro called me and we had a quick chat." My voice comes out shaky and just as quick. We both catch ourselves and stare at each other for a while, expressionless before I finally walk over.

I hand him some water before nestling back into bed with him. By the time Sora plays the movie, I feel as though I'm lifting off. The huge shift in the atmosphere whips me around and sends me flying.

It's coursing through my veins. My eyes flutter uncontrollably as I fell lax towards the movie. Instead of watching the small images change on my laptop, I watched the dark lively skies ahead anticipating the next firework.

As I almost fell into...I don't know what, he plays music off my laptop and sets it aside.

"Sorry." I instantly sit up and say.  
>He smiles, "It's fine, I'd rather watch the fireworks with you."<p>

His hand grips mine, setting me at ease a little. I try not to focus on his eyes, his lips, everything that is Sora.

Because I feel myself falling off the edge, I don't know what idiotic thing I might do. What I might say...

I think I've embarrassed myself in front of him enough times.

"This is what I would dream of as a kid. Being off that island...never thought it'd actually happen."

What's next?"

"What do you mean?" He asks softly.

I shrug, "Got any New Years resolutions?" A small smile creeps across Sora's face as he flips his whole body away.

"What is it?" I sit up, smiling.

Sora's body slowly returns, his eyes zipping around the room...his body movements becoming more fluid by the second. His smile is almost childish, "Yes."  
>"What are they?"<p>

"Nooo..." He frowns.  
>"Why?"<br>"They won't come true if I tell you."

I laugh and scoot closer to him, "Well if that's true, then I won't bother you about 'em... But promise me I can help you with at least one of your resolutions?"

He takes a sharp inhale and starts laughing.  
>"What?"<p>

I see his face light up, his blue eyes watching mine as his hand reaches around me. He begins teasing the hair strands at the nape of my neck. My heart's pounding, my reality becoming buried into a hazy dream. My senses excite at the lightest touch from him, and it's like a whole new high when I realize he's...

He's mine. And...

I love him.

"You will, don't worry about it."

**-x-**

Me and Axel sit on the couch in the living room, doing absolutely nothing. I'm not sure why exactly, but we are. We needed a change of pace, so we came down here.

No words. No expressions.

Just staring off into nothingness. Well, Saix' two dogs. They probably think we're weird, staring at them like this.

I wonder how Axel feels...

I watch him from the corner of my eye, focusing on where his eyes roam. They've been dilated for a while now, but I don't know what's going on through his head. I want to know.

I want to get in that _fucking_ head of his. Even if that means cutting him open.

_Sora chill out. That's weird._

He's not talkative right now, but I can tell he's running his mouth in his head.

Out of nowhere, he slowly begins to grin and it's funny and creepy at the same time. I start giggling, and he realizes that I've been watching him for a while.

We start laughing and Saix comes down the stairs.

We stop. Even the dogs stop to stare at him.

He stands by the door of the kitchen, as though he wants to ask. But he won't let himself.

No, he just leaves into the kitchen.

We laugh again.

I rest my head back onto the couch and take in my entire being.

The sounds.

The smells.

Even the tastes.

My eyes snap open.

**-x-**

I can't...

Really tell...how long it's been since we've dropped...

But I've hit the top.

Or have I?

Chewing the inside of my mouth as I try to contain my pleasure.

I'm hot, and a little dizzied.

But I can't stop this...rushing.

I sit up, my bones and muscles moving so fluidly...

"I feel real good right now." I tell him.

"Ah, yeah?" Sora's head rolls over and he smiles. He rolls his head away and I can't help but stare at how perfectly his neck is sculpted, how his hair lays naturally against his soft olive skin. Lines always travel the right road on his body, I can't help but admire him.

I laugh, "Yeah."

I close my eyes for a second and could feel everything working within my own body.

I can hear everything...

Sora stands up and slowly walks down the hallway against the stairs, his fingertips lightly grazing the brick wall.

"Follow me." His sultry voices echoes down the hallway.

I'm...

teetering over the edge.

I watch hypnotically as he slowly leaves my sight, his words lingering...

_Follow me..._

His intoxicating words make me trip over myself as I follow after.  
>I feel the air swirling within my lungs as I climb the stairs to my own room anxiously.<p>

Over the top steps I see the light spilling out of my cracked bedroom door. Music lightly playing...

I stop at the top, catching myself as I felt a wave of dizziness hit me. I hold my head for a second before approaching the room, feeling myself peek every second of the way.

I close my door behind me. Sora's glued to the window. Walking closer, I notice the intense stuck grin to him as his eyes scan the skies like a radar. He laughs, "Look at all the fireworks...!"

He makes me smile.

I come up and hold him from behind, also becoming enticed by the growing explosions.

"These are nice, but wait until you see the really big ones."  
>"There's bigger ones?"<p>

Sora turns around, grabbing onto my shirt and pulling me closer. I laid my hands upon the glass to hold myself up.

I push my nose to his, expecting him to kiss me. Yet, he only stares harder.

His eyes unflinching...

He smiles.

I run my trembling fingers across his lips.

Nervous...

Nervous...Why am I so nervous?

_Because I love you._

I try to look away but he stops me, holding my face.

"What is it? Why don't you ever talk to me?"

_I...I can't._

"You always have something to say, I see it in your eyes. Just say it for once."

And, I panicked.

I look down to Sora.

The fireworks.

Back down to Sora.

I thought about just leaving, but I think he senses that.

He puts his head to my chest, and says something along the lines of calming down.

_Why do I feel so sick all of the sudden...?_

He pulls me in, setting his lips on mine and it feels like the very first time we kissed. His tongue slips past my lips, inviting my tongue to dance...

We pull away after a few seconds and know it was a mistake.

I slam my lips into his once again, running my fingers all throughout his dense hair...

Down the nape of his neck to his sticky hot sides..._  
><em>

Our lips part for a second time and I can't wipe the stupid grin off my face after feeling that...that electric current rushing through my body I-I can't even begin to explain it.

I look into his eyes...and I get anxious again.

It's fucking bothering me, and my emotions feel like they're going out of order.

I-I'm out of control.

"What's wrong?" He breathes out, holding onto my shirt tight.  
>"Nothing..." I hold back.<p>

"Axel..." He whispers in my ear.

I feel myself pressing up against my pants.

This is torture.

"What's wrong?"

There's that silent air again.

Waiting for me to kick up dust...

It's now or never.

"Axel?"  
>"...I love you." I mumble, looking away.<p>

Nothing but the distant fireworks and the quiet lyrics stringing from my laptop can be heard. I see him trying to look me straight on yet I shy away as I hold onto the window again. I focus on the stars out tonight, or are they falling sparks? I can't tell anymore. All I can feel is the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Wh-what did you say?"

I want to frown, but I can't. I only try to push away but he hangs onto me. I chew the insides of my mouth furiously, my jaws working into overtime.

I can say hands down that this is one of the scariest and embarrassing moments of my life.

"Axel. I asked you a question. What did you-"  
>"-I love you." My voice quivers as I make the announcement clear.<p>

His eyes grow wide and he bites his lips, "Really...?"  
>I look down, scared about how he's going to...receive me, "...Yes."<br>"You're...not just saying that to say it, are you?"

He doesn't wait for my answer. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. My hands are shaking on the glass as I realize what I had just admitted to him. It was my secret, something I held so close for these past few months within the hideout of my heart.

I was determined not to fall in love.

I fell, didn't even see it coming.

...Simple enough.

"Axel...I thought you'd never tell me. I love you too."

"...R-really?" I ask back in disbelief.

**-x-**

I let my hands slip up his shirt, squeezing his pale dewy skin, listening to his rapid heart beat.

"Of course I do...silly. Why do you think I stick around?"

Axel breathes a sigh of relief, "Fuck."

We laugh.

We kiss.

And the skies erupt.

_Must be midnight._

"Happy New Year." He whispers.

Before I know it, I'm on my back against his sheets. We kiss as I wrap my legs around his back and begin to work off his shirt, fireworks going off non stop in the background. He smiles, "What are you doing?"  
>"I...want to feel you." I admit, latching my lips onto his collar bone. He groans, pressing his hips into me. I push back, letting my head fall hard against his pillows. He peels my shirt off before we meet lips again, our legs eventually becoming tangled as we rolled around his bed. He pulls me on top of his hips, ripping my belt out from the loops as I sucked on his neck feverishly.<p>

"Sora...you're so fucking cute...I love everything about you." He whispers as his hands scratched at my hips. I yanked on his hair, slipping my tongue past his lips as he moaned.

He pushes me under him once again and wiggles my pants down a little.

"Can I ask you for something...?"  
>"What is it?"<p>

I squirmed under his ass, unsure of how to bring about my question.

My gaze fell onto his stomach, the slight lining of his abs disappearing under his briefs waistband...

"Hello? You in there Sora?"

My eyes snap up and I hold the side of his face, "Sorry..."

I rub the side of his lips with my thumb, before sliding it through his lips to touch the little black barbell of his tongue.

He cocks his eyebrows, "Uh...Sora?"

I breathe in through clenched teeth, turned on by his muffled voice as I rubbed his slick barbell. I think and think and think, almost forgetting that I had shoved my thumb into Axel's mouth. I retract it and look up to his ceiling nervously.

"What's on your mind?"

"What was your first time like, Axel? I know I already asked you...but..."

He looks taken back. Axel glances around awkwardly, "Well...it wasn't really special. Like I said before, I didn't know what I was doing and it hurt."

"It even hurt for you?" He falls off to the side of me, resting his arm over my stomach. "Why? What's on your mind?"

I take a deep breath, look him straight in the eyes and say, "I'm-Well uh, I-I, um..."

He looks at me flustered, as though he already got the memo, "Yeah?"  
>"I-I...want to lose my virginity." I swallow.<p>

His nose crinkles and his green eyes light up like the fireworks outside, "If you're up for it, yeah!"

My breathing speeds up, and I start feeling anxious about my decision.

Thinking about the past.

Am I good enough for this?

Do I...really deserve this?

I want this more than anything, I know that much. I can't deprive myself for the rest of my life.

I just can't do it anymore.

I get really dizzy and nauseated, the room spinning. I almost black out before Axel grabs my face and gives me a big sloppy kiss. It brings me back just enough to make me...still.

I'm as happy as I am scared and conflicted.

When he pulls away I can't help but start crying, grabbing him close.

Axel calmly smiles, wiping my tears away as I held his bare waist close. "Sora?"

"Yeah."  
>"It's going to be amazing. I promise you. When you're ready, I'll be here to help. You will love yourself again, your body, your mind, your moans... you'll love everything about yourself."<p>

He kisses my forehead lightly, and I squeeze him tight, never wanting to let go.

No, never wanting to let go.


	32. Chapter 32

**New Year Day**

What goes up, must come down.

We rolled around on his bed for the rest of the night, kissing until our lips grew dry as we explored each others bodies. Not so much with a sexual touch, but more...sensual. I wasn't as brave as I wanted to be when it came to me touching him...I don't know why, but I just couldn't. The fear that lived in the back of my head came alive again and I...froze.

Instead of being upset, he suggested we get out of bed and roam his house, so we did. We ran around, feeling every surface, hearing how everything worked. The metals, the woods, the dirt and the dust. There was no reason _not _to experience everything. We were _alive._

At one point, we even vomited our guts out on the grass in his backyard and laughed about it. We only passed out until Saix did us the nice favor of letting us take his sleeping pills.

Now, all the magic from last night has flown out the window. There were no more fireworks, no more music. My senses had been robbed. Everything that came alive last night with that drug had died today, including us.

I can't help to feel as though I am an empty kicked around carcass. All my good has been used, and now I'm just...numb.

Hell, even depressed. I can't even wrap my mind around how horrible I feel right now, scratching at the sheets in anxious desperation for...something. Anything. And I feel guilty because we had such a great night. I look up to Axel who's listlessly staring out the window.

Not even the sun is out.

I try to escape and keep myself afloat, but I know I'm going to have to pull some emotional strings within my head to stop myself from jumping off the roof of a building.

"Wanna take a shower?" He asks.

"Yes."

Downstairs Sai is reading, his two dogs faithfully laying by his side.

**-x-**

I groan, my body pressed up tightly against Sora's as I hung my head low. We stand there for a while, holding each other under the shower head, twisting back and forth ever so slightly to keep ourselves distracted.

I love Sora. I'm glad I got it off my back. Fuck, I'm even happier he loves me back. It was...the most genuine thing I've experienced in a long time. It was weird, it was amazing. Once in a lifetime...I've never felt so amazing, running around, listening to music that just ran waves through my body.

With that being said, I can say without a doubt that I'm never taking that shit again.  
>The way I feel right now...it's not worth it.<p>

How can I put it lightly...

I feel like putting a fucking shotgun in my mouth and pulling the trigger.

I'm...  
>Angry<p>

Sad

Embarrassed

Depressed

Anxious

Sick

Just plain fucking weird.

All the things I didn't expect to feel at once. Just a huge melting pot of shit, right in the smack down middle of my heart.  
>I don't want him to go, and I don't want to be awake after he does.<p>

….I'm being a drama queen. I just need to chill the fuck out and lay off the blow today. I'll probably take more sleeping pills to get through today.

I look down at him.

His eyes were despondent past his slick hair.

Hickey's all up and down the side of his neck...

Though he did me much worst.

"Wild night, huh?"

He smiles slightly, "Yeah."

Sora grabs the body wash and lazily dribbles it over us as though we were scoops of ice cream before resting his impassive face on my chest and rubbing the soap into my hair, I could ask why, but why bother.

If it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me. I return the favor.

**-x-**

Axel held my hand, his thumb rubbing my skin ever so softly as we talked by his front door, huddled away from the wind. I can tell he's hesitant to say goodbye.

I don't want to go, but I have to.

"Do you have to go?"  
>"My brother has a flight to catch. You know my mom would kill me if I made him catch the train all the way to the airport."<p>

He sighs, "Yeah, I guess. When will I see you again?"

I smile, "Soon."  
>"Really?"<p>

I laugh, "Yeah, really. "

He kisses me one last time holding onto my face. In just a split second I'm on fire, his tongue beckoning for more as my fingers claw into his back.

Unlike last night, I can now actually have a hard on for more than five minutes because I'm not high off my ass.

I stare up at his jade eyes, wishing to go back to his room. His purple diamonds scrunch up as he grinned, "Don't keep your brother waiting."

"Axel..."I grunt.

"Don't keep 'em waiting, alright?" He says sternly.  
>"What are you going to be doing today?"<br>"I'll probably take more sleeping pills and pass out. Fuck this hangover. Get going. I love you."

He blinks, surprised in himself that it rolled off the tongue so easily I would guess.

I smile, "I love you too."

We kiss one last time and I head to my car.

**-x-**

Dead City.

Nobody said a fucking word to anybody. I'm usually more than okay when they decide to shut up, but this is just...weird. I don't mind it though, the last thing I need is them getting rowdy on me.

I'm taking Roxas to the airport in fifteen minutes and they still haven't exchanged any words since I got back. Hayner sitting on his bed, looking out the window. Roxas to the edge of mine, staring at the mini kitchen.

I just sat in the middle of the floor until I couldn't take it anymore. Just being around them made me feel all types of insecure. Like, they were hiding something from me.

I leave my dorm and see Pence on the floor, watching stuff off his laptop. I walk up to him hoping to get some info.

"Sup?" He looks up from his screen, pulling off the headphones. He looks to me, immediately perplexed, "You okay?"  
>"Yeah, I'm fine." I rub my eyes.<p>

He looks up at me for a few more seconds before returning his gaze to his computer screen, "Alright."

"What are you doing out here?"  
>"Me? I've been out here all night. You know how it is, your roomie gets a specimen to fuck and you don't want to watch all of...that."<br>I laugh, "Yeah, that sucks."  
>"I know."<p>

"Hey, why didn't you just go to my dorm to pass out? Roxas is over you know."  
>"...Yeah, I know." Pence suddenly becomes tight lipped and I sense he knows more than me.<br>"Alright, what the fuck do you know?" I buckle down next to him.  
>"Dude, if I told you, I wouldn't be a very good friend. Plus, I'm up for resident adviser, I can't get into all that bullshit."<p>

"What happened? Did they get into a fight or something? Tell me."

"No Sora, and that's final. You'll probably find out soon anyway, Roxas is your brother."

I groan, standing up and milling away, "I hope you rot out here."  
>"Love you too."<p>

I get back to the room and notice that Hayner's gone. "Where'd Hayner go?"  
>Roxas shrugs, indifferent, "I don't know."<p>

"Well, are you ready to go?"  
>"Yup."<p>

We head back down to the car and get on the highway toward the airport. After fifteen minutes, the curiosity became too much. I turn the radio down, "So, what's going on? Why are you and Hayner not talking all of the sudden?"

Roxas stares out the window and I wish I could hit him.  
>"Roxas? What the-"<br>"-We got into an argument and we're not talking."  
>"Over what?"<br>"A girl."  
>"What girl?"<p>

"Sora!" He lurches forward in his seat pissed.

I look over calmly, "It's only a question."  
>His face is red.<p>

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. That's cool too."

He recedes into the seat, and I shake my head over the thought of them arguing over Namine. Yeah, he didn't really confirm that it's over Namine, but who else would he bother getting pissed over?

I turn the music back up and we continue the wordless drive.

Inside the airport we wait in the long security line. I people watch for most of the time, thinking about last night and this upcoming week.

Roxas finally starts talking five minutes before I had to ditch the line.  
>"How was last night for you?"<p>

I tilt my head and smile, "It was _amazing._"  
>"Really? Did you guys fuck?"<p>

"Of course not."  
>"That's not what it sounds like to me." He mutters.<p>

The line inches forward a little more, we're getting close enough to see the TSA barking orders.

"Well...it's a work in progress."  
>"What's that supposed to mean?"<p>

I smile.

We hug goodbye and I watch him disappear in the crowd.

**-x-**

"So, what the hell happened last night?" I knew I needed to stop the questions at one point, but if I couldn't get it out of Roxas I sure as hell was gonna get it out of Hayner.

...At least, I really want to. The best way to keep out of your own head is to get into other people's heads, right?

"Nothing." He doesn't look up from the desk, sketching away another comic or something. I make my way over to the bed, getting ready to lay down and ignore the day.

"You didn't say goodbye to him."  
>"Oh yeah? And how would you know that?" He says in a snarky tone.<br>"So...you guys were talking while I was out of the room?"

Hayner ignores me even more.

"Why do you guys suddenly hate each other?"  
>"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to, Sora." He snaps.<p>

I sigh, "Whatever."

**-x-**

"_Why is it always me who's in trouble?! Why the fuck aren't the other kids who make fun of me ever in my fucking place?!"_

_I cried out, angry that I couldn't say shit to the kids calling me names and shoving me around._

_My shrink just looked across the table, concern in his eyes._

"_It's stupid and unfair what you guys do to me!" I scream at the top of my lungs, slamming my fists down hard on his desk._

"_You think I need anger management?! Those fucking bastards out there walking around and-and calling me names are the fuckers who need help! I'm just a fucking by-product of the real fucking source! Are you retarded?!"_

_He stares at me, almost shaking his head._

"_Sora, you're in here for your own good. I know it's hard to see that right now, but we need you to be in control of yourself. You have...so so much anger..."_

_He was at a lost for words._

_It was clear, I am broken._

_Beyond repair._

_It will always be me._

_I gave up. Dropped my head in my arms and bawled._

_"You are much better than you think. This is only a part of you. A temporary part of you."_

**-x-**

It's been nothing but shit ever since the New Year. I picked up math and a few less exciting classes to not stress me out as much but it's not really any better. I'm halfway through the term, and although I haven't been taking any Vicodin, me and Hayner have been taking Adderall at least three days a week to keep up with the assignments. It was fun for the first week, but now it's just exhausting. I guess the only good thing about it is that I get work done.

Part of me wishes I had taken the other route and enrolled into Sunset. It doesn't get much funding, and the classes seemed pretty stale, but it's way cheaper than what I'm paying out of my ass. Since Roxas is going, maybe I'll eventually transfer. But I put a lot of effort just to get noticed by Twilight and I'll be damned if I throw that away.

And Axel. God, Axel. How can someone make me so pissed and happy at the same time? I don't know, but he manages to make it work. He's always on the road with Saix, pushing out coke to all the college kids around. The weekends are the worst, he snorts until he gets these massive nose bleeds, he's out all night... And not to mention he's an aggressive little shit when he's high. We haven't had any screaming matches lately, but I can tell it's going to happen sooner or later.

I get scared when he doesn't call me, but when I tell him that all he tells me is to _chill._

Ugh, _chill..._How can I do that when I think you're gonna get a bullet through your head one day?

Pff, and Larxene...

She's made a hard comeback, much to my surprise. I walked in his place one day, and there she was on the couch, smiling at me as though we were best buds or whatever the fuck...

Axel and I argued, and I eventually gave in seeing as though he wasn't inviting her over personally. It's Saix doing, and it's business only. I'd be a liar if I didn't say that it bothers me...him being around..._her._ But he told me he trusts me around Reno, and he'd trust me around Riku, _if he ever had to._

I was pissed at first, but he had a point. A point I didn't really want to poke holes in, because honestly, I still consider Riku a good friend, like Reno.

That's all.

A good friend.

But if anything, Axel only said that because Riku is miles away and I told him how Reno has no intentions of dating anyone, ever.

Speaking of Reno...

Reno Reno Reno...what a fucking freak. I know he's a "Turk", but he's...weird.  
>Cloud's weird<p>

Zack, Tifa, Aerith...

Even Leon's not like himself.

The little glances they give each other...the way they talk...even Dem is catching onto it.

There's no address number on the outside of their house. Aerith drives around with no fucking license plate like it's nothing. Tifa owns a bar registered under _some random guys name_ and there is nothing, and I mean NOTHING with any of their names on it.

I don't even know if they're allowed to have the amount of weapons that they do.

And Hayner goes on and on and on about conspiracy theories, but let's be real, I don't know what the fuck he's talking about. Half the time I only listen to him because I'm high. Politics just aren't my thing. He thinks we should break into Reno's place one day and look around, _I_ say I don't wanna die...

And Riku...

Is it bad...that he still makes me feel weird?  
>Not love, not lust...just weird.<p>

It's strange, I get excited when we talk.

Maybe it's because I have one of my best friends back.

I never liked losing friends.

**-x-**

Hayner and I wake up 4:30 sharp in the morning for our second day of boot camp. We slump on each other, taking turns on sleeping on the train all the way to Sunset campus where a group of kids including Dem are warming up.

Boot camp is the only place we've ever heard Lexaeus raise his voice, let alone yell. After the first day of him breaking us down, I've been trying to decide if that's a good thing or not.

Warming up is the easiest part, it being the least painful and most quiet period. I look up to the sky and observe the clouds forming lightly. Before long, it starts raining. I hear Hayner curse.

We begin our workouts in the freezing rain.

As our heart rates pick up, so does Lexaeus' voice.

"Faster!" He shouts as he walks around the small group. He laughs before repeating it.

"Faster!"

We pick up the pace and he shouts, "Drop!"

You can guess where this is going.

One work out.

After another.

And another.

And _another._

"You think this is tough? You guys should be happy the school doesn't let me touch you."

_I can believe it..._

"Stop slacking! Mud and rain shouldn't slow you down!"

Time passes by and I'm pretty disoriented. The cold winds and rains don't even phase me anymore, but my asthma is kicking my ass. I glance around and almost want to laugh at everyone's thousand-mile stare.

Dem's is the worst, his hair flat on his face as he works through the movements. He's dead behind the eyes, as though he's abandoned his body for the happy place somewhere in his mind.

"Sora! Enough daydreaming! Everyone does 80 squats now because of you!"

Fuck my life.

_:C_

**-x-**

An hour later and we've only had one five minute break. My heart rapidly beats as he shouts out orders. Some kids have given up, but Hayner and Dem are still in the game.

Lexaeus shouts more, a grin on his face as though this is what gets him off at night.

We begin jogging around the field, and I feel myself on the verge of...something.

Dem jogs up next to me, and I smile slightly, "You...good?" I huff out.

He nods, "I'll be damned...if he thinks...he's gonna psych me out..."

I look up ahead, Lexaeus' shouts steadily behind us.

"You're doing great...Hayner...has my emergency inhaler..."

I stop dead in my tracks, wiping the sweat and rain from my eyes. People jog past me as I moved off to the side. Lexaeus slows down and says something, but I don't pay attention.

My esophagus sets on fire and I vomit a huge pile off the side of the tracks before choking for air. I fall to my knees and grip the mud as I gasped and wheezed for air.

"You alright Sora?" Lexaeus comes over, not yelling at me for once which felt great. Hayner eventually comes around the track and gives me my inhaler from which I suckle sweet life from.

I spit, take a few minutes before I can stand up straight again.

"This isn't _real _boot camp you know. You don't have to push it to the limit if you're gonna die. But that was nice of you to work out so hard. Plus one for the effort." He says with a small smile.

I stare at him, wishing to land one hard smack across his face.

"You know, you're not clear about that at first."  
>He grins, "I know. It strains out all the weak shits I get tired of. You're alright, Sora. I thought Zexion's buddies were all pussies."<br>"...Thanks."

I guess.

"We're done for the week! Everybody go home!"

He dismisses the class, leaving me in a dead heap off the tracks. I fall back down and lay on my back, because fuck it.

Hayner and Dem look down at me, red in the face, dead in the eyes...dirty and wet.

"So if you puke you're suddenly top dog? That makes a lot of sense..." Dem mutters, a bit irritated.

"I puked today. Take me home please." I say. They hold out their hands and I grab on, dizzy and nauseated.

**-x-**

We both do a line each on the kitchen counter before getting ready to go. Tonight's venue is downtown Sunset where all the kids flock after 6 pm to hit up the outside parties and booze fests going on this time of year.

Larxene pops up behind me out of no where, scaring the living shit out of me. She laughs, "Don't get all jumpy on me now Ax."  
>I frown and turn my attention back to the coke bags, writing down the prices accordingly.<p>

"Go feed the dogs." Sai tells her.

"Ugh...again? I'm not here to babysit your fucking-"  
>"-Stop fucking around and go feed them. You're here to work, not to throw your foolish opinions around. Get to it."<p>

I sigh relief, glad that Sai is unbreakable. She huffs, stomping over to the counters.

"Which mutt gets which...?"

"Nine gets the advanced formula. Seven gets the regular. Remember that next time." He shoves the left over supplies into a box and leaves us in the kitchen.

"What's up his ass all of the sudden..." She mutters as she pulls the bags of dog food out.

I ignore her, writing prices down as fast as humanly possible so I can get out of the vicinity.

"Hey Ax? I've been meaning to talk to you." She says boldly. I wipe my face, irritated. I say nothing and stay focused to my work but she keeps talking.

"Do you ever feel like...you've made mistakes?"

The dogs rush into the kitchen and begin scarfing down their meals. My heart picks up speed as the coke goes into full gear. I can't wait until work is done.

"Ever...done things you wish you've never done? Regretted them?"

I look up ahead, the image of me back handing her going through my mind.

She giggles, leaning up against the counter right next to me.

"...Or are you the kind of guy who lives with no regrets?"

"Piss off."

I grab all the baggies filled with coke and put them in a tupperware container before shoving it in my backpack. I made sure that I left nothing behind before leaving her in the kitchen to fuck herself.

**-x-**

Rain pounds the surface of the car as me and Sai pass our last cigarette back and forth between each other. His car sputters every now and then as we waited for bitch-tits to get her ass out of the house.

We're usually in a better mood when working, but with her around...

"Okay, ready!" She closes the door behind her.  
>I groan under my breath.<p>

"What took you so long?"  
>"Had to use the bathroom."<p>

Sai stares into the rear view mirror.

She laughs, "What? Can't a girl piss? I'm serious, don't get your nuts all in a bunch..."

He starts driving and I pull out my phone for the first time today. I have a bunch of text messages, but only one or two are probably from Sora. The rest as you can guess is from a bunch of kids looking to party. Sometimes I wish I'd wake up to only Sora's texts, like I used to...

A song comes on the radio and Larxene gushes, "Remember this song Ax? The first night we ever fucked?"  
>"Actually I don't remember anything from the first night we fucked. I'm convinced you raped me."<p>

"_Yes you do. _You're so funny."

"I don't see how you can get nostalgic about fucking me when you fucked Sai while you were fucking me."  
>"That was later in our relationship. Around the time you were fucking some of Sai's girlfriends remember? Oh, yeah, and a few of MY best friends too?"<p>

"Jesus Christ Larxene..."  
>"She's been trying to fucking manipulate me ever since she got here. Make it stop."<p>

She scoffs, "Manipulate? Why are you so afraid to talk to me now? I swear, your boyfriend is turning you into a little bitch._ Waaaaaahhhhhh she's bothering me Sai she's hurting my feelings waaaahhhhh!_"

"Why is she here Saix!?" I shout.

She begins cackling like a little girl and I swear I'm gonna fucking snap her.

Saix takes a sharp right and pulls up to some random curb on a quiet street. He turns off the engine and pushes his bangs back, turning to us as he sat up in his seat.

"I don't give a fuck what kind of reservations you have about each other! Whatever it is you need to shut the fuck up and get over it! I don't want to hear shit out of your goddamn mouth anymore Larxene. You're here to work off your debt, I won't hear of your idiotic agendas you fantasize about fulfilling. And I don't want to hear shit out of your mouth Axel. We're professionals, and that means dealing with fucking insects like her in a professional manner. I don't want to have to tell you guys again, got it?"

"Why the fuck do we have to deal with her? Why the fuck should we trust her?! I mean, look at her."

She sat back, chewing her gum in an uncaring loud obnoxious manner before pulling a croaked cigarette out of her acid-wash jeans.

"Because he loves it." She says proudly, winking.

"Sai, this has bad new written all over it."  
>"No it doesn't." He calmly starts the car. It sputters a bit before we take off again.<p>

"...And why is that?"  
>"She pissed off the wrong people, and now she doesn't want to die."<p>

It doesn't come as a shock to me. I honestly thought she'd end up dying before making it out of high school.

"That's right. She doesn't want those intimidating men coming back for her at night, ready to put a gun in her mouth and a bullet through the back of her head...She's going to right her wrongs, and she's going to be an adult about it. And maybe then she'll be able to live a semi-normal life out of hiding. Isn't that right, Larxene?"

_Wait...are we hiding her? Are we fucking hiding someone who's got a price over her head? Are you fucking kidding me Sai?_

Sai's calm yet disturbing words give me chills. I look into the side mirror and watch her stare out the window, her cocky and confident expressions and mannerisms long gone.

She's hollow, with nothing going for her.

The conversation kicked the bucket. I'm glad.

**-x-**

"Hey? How's it goin'?"  
>"I miss you...where are you? Working?"<br>Axel sighs on the other line, "As usual."

"You don't sound as happy as you usually do."

"That's 'cus I'm not."

I stare at the old food splayed out on the hood of my car. Some guys from the first floor of my dorm came by earlier and decided that my car was a trash can today. I woke up after my nap and had to come down to clean it.

By the time I made it down, I felt seriously depressed.  
>Have been sitting in my car ever since.<p>

"I know how you feel. I sometimes wonder what I've gotten myself into."  
>"Already? I thought the money was good enough to keep you going."<br>"You know what they say...All the money in the world isn't going to buy you happiness."

"Then why don't you just quit?"  
>"Where's the excitement in that?"He laughs.<p>

I sigh, "You're right Axel, where IS the excitement in that?"  
>"I don't know. Why'd you suggest it?"<p>

I roll my eyes and sit up, "I have some fast food to clean up off my hood."  
>"Are you seriously still taking that shit Sora?"<br>"Maybe. So far it hasn't been harmful."  
>"Yeah, but your parking lot has cameras. Why don't you just-"<br>"-It's fine Axel. Really."

I hear him take a deep breath, "Something's going to happen to your car if you don't tell security or some shit."  
>"I already told security. A hundred times now. They don't really look into that kind of stuff here."<br>"That is the dumbest excuse I ever heard. You gonna keep cleaning up after these guys forever? Because it sounds fucking degrading."

I start getting irritated, "_Okay Axel_. I get it."  
>"I'm only giving you advice."<br>"Well, thanks. You always give the greatest advice when you're high on coke."

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
>"Nothing. I'm gonna clean my car now. Love you, bye."<br>"Sora-"  
>"Bye."<p> 


	33. Chapter 33

"So, the deal is, you gotta go full speed down the shit. No stoppin' for anything—maybe kids—but you gotta dodge anything that gets in your way. Grind on the pipe at the bottom of the hill AND touch the bell hard enough to make it ring at the top of the archway."

First day of spring break and we're hanging out by the steep hill next to the new official hang out. Hayner's been feeling good, since yesterday was his last day of probation. No more evaluations, no more pissing in cups…he's been getting psyched up for all the parties that are happening tonight.

"You ever done it yourself?"

Everything seems to be going so fast lately. Roxas had finally made the big move over to Sunset about a month ago, right after his birthday. He's lucky enough to have his own room in one of the dorm houses, but he's still getting used to the flow. Our friendship circle feels somewhat complete with him here.

I say somewhat, because nothing is really the same without Kairi, Namine and Riku. Kairi and Namine had a huge falling out apparently, and no one has been in contact with Namine since. Not even Roxas. She hadn't talked to him around his birthday about a month ago, and she still hasn't been seen since. Kairi's reluctant to tell us what happened, but she's worried sick about her. Apparently Riku hasn't seen her around Destiny since the beginning of February either. He showed up at her place looking for her, but no one was there. It's almost been a month since anyone has spoken to her.

Hayner looks down the hill, biting his bottom lip as though he's making an important decision.

Axel scoffs, "That means _no."_

Speaking of Riku, it turns out he'll be joining Roxas at Sunset this fall. They offered him a pretty good scholarship that he can't turn down, so Sunset it is. As happy as I am to be on good terms with him, I'm just...afraid of being around him. I don't even want to say why, because I'm afraid that as soon as I do, it will start coming true.

And I don't want that.

Hayner glares, "Bet _you_ can't do it _Pixel_."

Axel scoffs, "I shred better than all you guys put together. I could do it blindfolded, flawlessly."  
>"He's just being modest." I say sarcastically.<p>

We laugh as he squeezes me close, awaiting for the show to start.

Hayner snaps on the turtle helmet we've been sharing this whole afternoon and kicks up the board.

"Yeah yeah, bet none of you guys have the balls to do it like so."

He kicks off the ground and skates down the hill, working the curb nicely until he gets to the pipe where he messes up. The board flies out from under him as he catches himself and we laugh.

"Hayner fuck up already! Break your neck! My battery is dying!" Dem shouts, putting his camera down.

Hayner runs up the hill, "Whatever. I've done it before."  
>"Yeah yeah, back of the line. Who's next?" Dem pans the camera around.<p>

"Does no one possess the balls the massive size of Hayner's? Axel, were you not talking smack earlier?" Hayner comments.

"You guys couldn't handle it. I don't play with kids, they get too butt hurt."

"Balls the size of Texas doesn't matter when your dick is as big as a maggot." Dem tells Hayner as he laughs and Hayner flips him off.

"What's a Texas?"

What else is new?

I'm beginning to take the first steps towards losing my virginity. Well, I'm trying. There's more to anal sex than I thought.

A LOT more.

Like, stretching...

And training...

Sex toys...

And...Enemas.

Headaches, did I mention the headaches?

Luckily, Axel decided to bite the bullet and bottom for my first time. I don't want him to be alone in this...training, though. I want to be interchangeable.

"_Like a clown fish!" _ I remember him saying.

"_...Yeah, sure, whatever." _I had replied.

Is that scary to think of?

Yeah, but it's...new. It's invigorating to think that...  
>I finally might be able to have a normal, non-panic inducing sex life. My sexual urges are finally overcoming my fears little by little. I mean, for the first time since I got here, Axel and I banished Hayner to the hallway last night. For <em>hours<em>. It's amazing how long Axel's mouth can run. He's so generous…..I want to repay him back soon.

I can't imagine going back to the days where I'd scrub myself raw for hours every time I'd even _think _about other males in a sexual light. Some days are worse than others still, but I _want _this more than anything. I _dream _about it.

I had been getting tested every two weeks for STD's and HIV ever since I was thirteen. For the first time in years, I didn't get myself tested these past two weeks. No needles, no swabs...nothing. I can only imagine how weirded out the nurse at my school's clinic must've been when I stopped showing up. Hell, the nurses at my clinics back home must've thought I died.

Dem gets off the camera and hands it to Hayner before taking the turtle shell.

"Watch. I can skate."  
>"Can you?"<p>

He looks up with a huge grin.

"No. God no." Axel says.

"Oh...I wish I had elbow pads..." Dem murmurs to himself.

He puts the helmet on lightly, probably looking out for his hair before he sits down on the skate board.

"Watch a pro." He says into the camera before kicking his legs off the ground. He only gets so far before he almost slams into the pipes at the bottom of the hill and tumbles off the board. The street performers nearby are getting pissed but we can't but laugh and keep going.

Eventually, Roxas and Hayner get hung up in competition. They get pissed at each other (like always) and Roxas slams on the helmet, the fiery look in his eyes sticking as he works up his anger.

"You talk so much shit when you can't even ring the fucking bell. I bet you haven't rung it once." Roxas spits, looking down the hill.

"Yeah I have you fucking chump."

"Bite me fucker."

"Roxas be careful." I say.

"Shut up." He spits on the ground again.

"Hope you break your leg then asshole..." I say to myself.

"Do they do this all the time?" Axel asks.  
>"Yup." Me and Dem say.<p>

"Go."  
>"I am."<br>"Okay. _Do it. _The camera's here to watch you fail."

Roxas flips the camera off, kicking off the ground and down the hill.

He picks up mad speed until this fucking mail truck out of nowhere crosses the alley.

We shout out to him and he tries to stop, but it's too late. He _slams_ into the side of the mail truck and hits the street hard.

"Holy shit!" I get up and run down the hill as fast as possible, my heart pounding as the word _idiot_ goes through my head over and over again.

I told him to break his goddamn leg, not his skull.

"Is he okay?!" The guy driving the truck gets out and ask.

"Roxas?!" I start shaking his red face, taking that stupid turtle helmet off and brushing his dirty blonde hair aside to see his eyes. They flutter, but he lays in a daze still. I set his head down gently before standing up and getting my cellphone out, prepared to tell mom that she only has one_ able _son now.

"Oh god I'm so sorry!" The man is flustered, fumbling for the phone in his pocket as a small crowd gathered around.

A few moments past and he opens his eyes wide, looking around.

"Wha...what happened?"

"You got laid the fuck out by that truck, that's what happened." Axel mutters. He looks over to me to say something before the driver starts flipping his lid and cuts everyone off.

"Are you alright kid? Do you need an ambulance? Oh my god oh my god…." He looks around as more people slowly begin to approach the scene.

Axel breathes in, holding his mouth along with what I swear is a smile, "I think we should take him to a hospital before he starts bleeding out of his ears."  
>"No way, he's fine. He's gotta be. He's done worse back home. Right Roxas? Hey!" I nudge him with my foot, expecting him to push it off. He moves his head slowly, but still doesn't stand.<p>

"Are you kidding me? Guys, we need a medic. Check this out you guys." Dem fumbles at his camera as Axel and Hayner hunch around him, waiting to watch the replay.

I roll my eyes and look down at Roxas again.

"...I would've fucking _killed_ it if you didn't get in the way old man...whyyyy?" He begins to whine on the floor, grabbing his hair in frustration. "Stop playing that tape before I shank your ass Dem._ Delete it_."  
>"Don't listen to him. Put it on the internet." Axel suggests with a smirk as they laugh around the replay. The crowd we had managed to gather left, and street performers gave us dirty glances as they moved past.<p>

"You kids need to stop skating down this fucking hill! Don't you see people trying to do their jobs here?! Get the fuck outta here!" The short stubby flustered guys shook his fists by his sides before hopping back in the mail truck. We hold in our laughs until his shitty truck sputters off.

"Sorry." Dem squeaks long after he's gone.

"I'm done." Roxas says in a pissed tone, getting up off the stone road. Hayner is just barely holding himself back from saying 'I told you so'.

"Let's go." Roxas picks up the board and starts marching down the hill.

"Games over I guess." Dem puts away his camera as we all followed behind.

Just as we all started walking, Axel's phone starts ringing. I instantly squeeze his hand tight, hoping he doesn't bail on me for work. He frowns and I instantly know what it means though.

"Axel." I say as we hang back from the group.

"I know."  
>"You're not going to ditch, are you?"<br>"I don't want to..."  
>"But?"<p>

"You promised you'd hang out with us."  
>He looks to the ground, "I know I did."<br>"Ignore him."

"You know I can't."

I sigh, letting go of his hand as I try to walk ahead. "C'mon babe don't be like that."  
>"Call your <em>boss."<em>

He pulls my wrist back as the rings die down, "I'll make it up to you."  
>"Why can't you just hangout now?"<p>

I'm not ashamed to say it.

I'm desperate now more than ever for his love and affection.

His companionship. It's pathetic, I know. But I can't feel the shame. All I feel is my want for him...slowly bleeding into my everyday life. His walk, his voice, his touch...just..._him._

"The last time I got payed was barely enough to cover the expenses of moving. Once I make it all back everything will be fine, and we'll be able to hang out for real."

"Axel-"

"-I'll make it up to you. A trip to the beach for a few nights."

"No."

I'm pathetic...but I won't be easy. I want him all to myself, and I want him now.

"What? Come on!"  
>"I want to hang out with you now. Not in another month when you finish selling more <em>blocks <em>or whatever the fuck you call it."

"They're _bricks _and it won't be another month, you're exaggerating."

Before I could call him on his bullshit, his phone rings and he immediately answers, brushing his long red hair aside.

"Yeah? Where? Right now...Yeah, I know. Alright, see you soon. Bye."

He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.

"-Yeah, I know."

He shoves his hands in his pocket, a pissed look coming before his face as I stood there, wanting more. He eventually softens that mug on his face, looking to me with sorry eyes.

I reluctantly let him pull me in, "I promise, I'll make it up to you. Have fun with your friends. Spend time with your brother, alright?"

He squeezes me tight before planting a sloppy kiss on me. "I love you, be safe."

I always feel my core melt when he tells me those three simple words. I'm the only one he's ever loved..._me._

I sigh, running my fingers down his jaw delicately. "Be careful and come back home in one piece."  
>"Home? You'll be waiting at my place?"<br>"No silly, home isn't where you sleep...it's where your friends and family...lovers are."  
>He smiles, "Islander philosophy?"<p>

"Don't be offensive dick. Take it or leave it."

He kisses me one more time before I watch him jog up the hill toward the usual bus stop he catches to get home. I'm upset because it feels as though we spend less and less time with each other...but what am I to do...I'm sure Axel won't keep this gig up for long. He's way smarter than this.

"You coming or not!?" The guys call from way down the street.  
>"Yeah!"<p>

**-x-**

"Hey where'd Axel go?" Dem asks.

"Work."

We settled in the middle of the sandlot, kind of too lazy to go anywhere. It's still cold outside with winter just barely shaking off, but we're too broke to go inside of any establishment.

Roxas holds his head in his lap, and I'm actually concerned that he has a concussion. He sways slightly, side to side as he spat on the ground multiple times.

"Work? Did he really have to go?"

I shrug, looking up to the cloudy damp skies, sensing the rain. "Who knows..."

"Well...let's find some fun stuff to do. Come on!"

Roxas groans, "No thanks, I think I'm gonna head back to my dorm. I feel sick."  
>"Should we take you to the hospital instead?"<p>

Hayner begins laughing, "Let's lug him to the ER."

"Fuck no. I just...no. I'm going home, probably gonna meet up with you guys later."

"Let me take you home." I offer before obviously being denied.

"The day I have to have my fucking brother walk me home-" He began, ready to start cussing me out until he saw Hayner's smug smirk I'm sure.

He takes a deep breath in, letting go of his head as he stood tall. "I'm cool. See you guys later."  
>Before I could say anything, Roxas kicks up his board once more and begins skating away.<p>

"Come to my place later on tonight if you ain't dead!" Hayner shouts to him.

**-x-**

"So, what's next?" I ask as we board a train towards Sunset TC. "I don't know, we'll find something to do eventually." Dem replies. I stand up the whole time by the train door, watching the scenery and landscape change every five minutes or so as we rode by. Eventually, we got off at one stop and began walking. I was familiar with the surroundings, as I remembered that this was...the way we get to Reno's place.

"Hey where are we going?"  
>"Reno's."<br>"Yeah,we're gonna ransack his shit."  
>"You're kidding me right?"<p>

"Of course, we're just gonna go inside his place. See what's up." Dem says nonchalantly as I follow behind them.

"We can't do that?"  
>"Why?"<p>

And that's when a 15 minute argument ensued over what's considered wrong when "dropping by".

Fucking Dem. Just because you've been to their bar a few times since you've turned 21 doesn't make it okay to sneak into their place. Trying to explain why it isn't appropriate to go on your friend's property without asking was like trying to explain to a drunk guy why he can't piss outside. You just can't. It's bad company. It's not like Reno goes to class with us, I mean the dude has weapons stashed all over his place. You just don't drop in on a guy like that.

I follow them all the way to Reno's place, trying to convince them to trespass somewhere else like the clock tower or _anywhere else _but their pad, but my plea fell on deaf ears.

We made way to his neighborhood, and my stomach began churning nervously. Is this...really as idiotic and dangerous as I think it is?  
>Should I be this sketched out? Or am I overreacting.<p>

…_Members engage in recon, espionage, and black ops. Secrecy is top priority, with members often never leaving the company unless dead..._

"Guys, this is a bad idea."  
>Hayner glares back at me, "No it's not. Why would you say something like that?"<p>

"Some people have secrets that are top priority…._Hayner." _I glare at him.

We look at each other, holding onto knowledge that Dem sure as hell doesn't know. I wanted to turn back, Hayner wanted to know more.

Fuck me.

"Yeah, the worst he could be doing is choking his chicken." Dem interjects.

They laugh, racing ahead to his house as I cursed them in my head.

I pull out my phone and begin texting Reno.

"_So...one thing led to another...Hayner and Dem are gonna try to sneak into your place."  
><em>

I send it, hoping for the instant replies Reno always deliver, but I get nothing.

"_Hello? Please tell me you got this message."  
><em>

_Come on Reno..._

"_Are you even home?"  
><em>

I decide to start texting Leon, _"Dude, Hayner and Dem wanna sneak into your place."_

"_Whatever. It's their funeral, if Reno doesn't get 'em then Zack will. I'm at Cosmo Canyon for a month with Cloud n Tifa. Figure it out."_

Damn it.

We arrive to the front of his place, the rose bushes to the side in full bloom. Dem quietly walks up the steps, trying to sneak inconspicuously. He presses his ear up against the door before leaning his long body over the railing to peek in his window.

"Oh my god guys he's jacking off. Whoa that's huge..."  
>"What? Really?"<p>

Dem smiles widely, "No! Look at your face though! You're still hot for him, huh?"

The guys laugh at me as I turn away, shoving my hands in my pocket embarrassingly.

"Whatever. I'm ready to go home now."

"Let's check out his backyard."

_Being ignored sounds cool too. Whatever._

The backyard was empty, the mound where he buried Icicle just barely visible anymore. Dem rolls on the ground, playing his own version of secret agent spy as Hayner followed. I hung back by the gate, wondering why I still fell into peer pressure as though we were middle schoolers again.

"Hey, look!"

I follow around to the other side of the house and see the basement cellar door that I'm sure leads exactly into Reno's room.  
>I shake my head, eyeing Hayner and Dem as they eagerly stare down.<p>

"Why are we doing this?" I ask.

"Shelter." Hayner follows.

"I'm just nosy." Dem admits.

"Look, it's unlocked too. If he didn't want us to come in..." Dem trails off as he grabbed onto the rusted handle. He yanks it back as we all nervously stared into the pitch black basement.

"See. No Boogie man. No Reno. Just a normal breaking and enter-"

We were all taken by surprise as Reno comes out of the darkness, aiming a fucking shotgun in between Dem's eyes.  
>We were too shocked to scream, let alone move anywhere accept falling on our asses accordingly.<p>

Reno...looked dead behind the eyes.

Angry. Exhausted. I could feel him fuming like a dragon. His left hand on the barrel, his right on the trigger. I'd be lying if I said I didn't believe he was going to blow Dem's skull out onto our faces.

It seemed forever, us all sitting on our asses, waiting to see if he's going to shoot Dem in the head.

That's why I was surprised when his blank face cracked into a sick smile.

"Shit!" Dem nearly screeches, shaking as he barely contained himself.

"Gotcha." Reno takes the gun away from Dem's forehead before letting it fall behind his back, the straps catching it.

"I pissed my pants...I need to go home." Dem admits, face red and void of all emotion except fear.  
>"What's the rush? You just got here!" He looks up to Dem with a smug smile. All Dem could do was shake his head as he stumbled to his feet, back to the gates where we entered from.<p>

"I….I…later guys." Hayner followed soon after, his bravery tucked deep between his legs by now. It was only me and Reno left, listening to the trees rustle from the growing wind.

"Well shit, thought we were gonna have a tea party. Oh well. Since you're the only one who stayed, would you like to come inside?" His charm is irrefutably present in a seconds notice, and I don't know how to exactly take it.

I sigh, looking down at his tired figure, "I knew this would happen." I said as I walked down the steps.

"You're not afraid?" He asks.

"Hell no. You don't scare me at all Reno, you're just eccentric."

He chuckles behind me, closing the doors before following me inside.

**-x-**

"Didn't mean to scare your friends off, sorry about that." He says with a small smile to him.

"I'm still surprised you stuck around."

I sigh, "I understand to an extent. But still, why'd you do it?"

"To teach Dem a lesson."

"You probably scarred him."  
>"He's tough, he'll shake it off."<br>"It was a fucking gun pointed to his head."

"Calm down, it wasn't loaded." He leans back in his chair, blowing cigarette smoke out as he closed a bunch of tabs and windows on his computer screen. Some looking of important business type stuff, other windows looking of games and possible porn.

"Are you lying to me?"  
>"If I was, it wouldn't be the first time. So don't get upset." He pulls the gun off his muscular back, flipping some compartment open on it, "Let's see here…."<p>

"Nope. Not loaded. Wanna see?"

"I'm good."

He drops it on the floor next to him carelessly before going back to work on his computer. I stare at it a while, imagining how I would've reacted had it been me behind the barrel of that thing.

His room is dark and messing, scattered beer cans and junk food covered the ground with un-assembled weapons and boxes of ammo. I've never seen his room in this condition, he's usually clean when it comes to where he sleeps.

"Is...everything going alright?" I ask, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He spun around on his computer chair, piles of paper cascading down the desk he occupied. His hair is a little more unkempt than usual. As always, the heavy duty war survived goggles lay strapped tight against his forehead. He rolls his eyes over toward me, "I'm fine. The only thing wrong is that I'm not getting enough time off."

I know that he can't be as transparent with me as much as he is with all of his...co-workers. But...it bothers me.

I just want to help.

"What have you been working on lately?" I pull his sleeping cat over my head and onto my chest, looking up at the new guns he's decided to hang over his bed.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"Eh, maybe one day you can."

He sighs, "Nothing except paper work. All clerical..." He spins back around in his chair, facing the tower of papers stacked on his desk. He begins quietly scribbling whatever onto the sheets as I listen to the deep purrs of Baxter.

"Don't you have homework or friends or coke to do?"  
>"If I had homework, I wouldn't be here. If you didn't scare away the guys, I'd have something to do. My brother slammed into a truck today, so he might be dead now. And I've only done coke twice back at home, you don't need to ride me about it. That's all on Axel, and he ditched me to work. So even if I did want to do coke and stop bothering you, I'd be shit out of luck.<em>"<br>_

"You have a brother?"  
>"Yeah, remember when we first met? That kid who was sleeping on my shoulder?"<br>"Oh yeah, your twin?"  
>"We aren't twins."<br>"Bullshit. You guys look exactly alike."

"Nope, my mom already had a DNA test."  
><em>"<em>Did you see it?"

"Of course not."  
>"Well then."<p>

We don't look _that _much a like….do we?

Nah….it's just mom. We both look like mom.

"Why would my mom lie about something like that?"  
>"Never said she did. But since you asked….I'm not saying she lied, it's not far-fetched that that'd happen to an island kid like you. I mean, no offense, but Destiny is not the place where you'd rely on medical tests. Have you seen the percentages of defective medical equipment and facilities Destiny Island has had back when you were born? You'd be lucky to have a test correctly tell you if you're someone's kid or not. Shit, you'd be lucky to have a test tell you you're pregnant the third time around."<p>

"Are you serious? I knew the place used to be dirt poor, but that sounds….bad."

Roxas being my full brother…..that'd mean that we wouldn't _need _Donny around. He'd be gone.

Just like _that._

But….there's no way that we're full blooded brothers. I mean, mom's told us that we're half-brothers during the divorce. That we'll be tested just to be sure, and we were. They told us we were half-brothers and that was the end of it.

But….could it have been wrong? I mean, that's a huge slip up if it is.

Ugh, I'm working up a huge headache just thinking about it.

_Just….forget we even talked about that._

I look down at his leg, noticing that only one of his pant legs are rolled up. Upon closer inspection, I see white bandages wrapped around his calf, a streak of blood staining through the white cloth.

"What happened to your leg?"  
>"Nothing." He says with no emotion.<p>

"Looks like someone stabbed you."

"Sounds like all your man does is ditch you for work." He switches the subject back to me quickly, an attempt to keep me out of his business. He's good at it. I want to get mad, but it's the truth, and if he wants to here me vent then he can.

"He's has to pay back his dealer so he can start making a profit again. Or something. I don't know. "

"You tell him about me?" Reno asks out of nowhere. I look to him, but he's still focusing on his papers.

"Of course I do."  
>"No conflict of interest?"<br>"What conflict? He doesn't like you, but you don't date. And I don't fuck. It's a dysfunctional triangle, at best."

"He doesn't like me? He doesn't know me." He says, slightly amused. "He knows what happened Halloween night. And what happened before that..."

Reno sits up straight, grabbing his head and groaning as he recalled what happened in the past. "Shit, I'm really sorry about that Sora..." He looks over his shoulder, remorseful.

"It's fine Reno. It's old news. I was just saying."

"Yeah but-"  
>"-It's fine. I understand you more than you think I do."<p>

"I..." He was caught off guard, but I could sense his smile. "Maybe, maybe not. Don't be so sure of yourself."

I laugh, "Sure thing. Why do you care what he says or thinks about you?"  
>He sits back in his seat, pulling his ponytail out from under his back to let it hang freely. Reno swivels around, a cocky smirk present on his face, "I just like to know what people think of me. It's...a power thing."<p>

"Well, he's not fond of you. But I'm not fond of him hanging out with his ex all day and all night...ugh. Here I go, getting pissed again." I push his cat off me and roll onto my stomach, keeping my face in the sheets ingrained with his manly scent. I imagine how he must pass out on this bed some nights, clad in just briefs or in the nude.

I sigh, lifting myself off his bed reluctantly, "Reno...I just want him to spend more time with me. To talk to me like we used to back at Destiny. Ever since we got back together, he's just been running around town, doing his _job_...probably giving cute girl's special treatment left and right..."

"What's his name again?"  
>"Axel."<p>

I see Reno from the corner of my eye sit up straight again. He's apprehensive, rubbing his fingers into his palms profusely.

"Do you know him?" He takes a second before answering me," What's he look like?"  
>"He's around 6 feet tall, red spikey hair combed back most of the time, doesn't really ever smile. He has two tattoos under his eyes...like you. He reminds me of you a lot...even the way you guys talk is similar. That low slow stupid way you talk." I laugh at him and he frowns.<p>

"Uncalled for. Where's he from?"  
>"Midgar...I think? I forgot. He traveled a lot as a kid. Why? Do you know him?"<br>"Oh, no. I just...used to work with this guy named Axel. He doesn't look like the Axel you were describing though. That'd be pretty funny."

**-x-**

Before I knew it, I was outside of a house party I didn't want to be at. Sai gives Larxene and me a line each in the back seat of his ride before he heads inside to check things out.

"I heard they've got porn stars at this party?" She says from the backseat of his ride.

I sigh, "So it's a_ fucking_ party?"  
>"Yup."<p>

"Behave yourself Larxene, this isn't an audition."  
>"Oh it's going to be so hard to do that with your dick in the vicinity, but anything for you <em>babe<em>."

_Ugh...you know how to piss me off._

Sai comes out of the house after a few minutes and motions us to come in. It's the typical college crowd, with a few old dudes trying to pass off as college kids thrown in here and there. Eventually we get introduced as the guys with the coke, and as you can guess people line up to sample our shit and buy some grams. Girls try to get up close and personal, only to be deflected away by our personal ant queen.

Larxene is good for something, at least.

As usual, Larxene is talking up all the guys and even some girls, convincing newbies and what-not to buy a gram. We sell a few bags and try to keep the flow going fast. We must've been there for fifteen minutes before we see two guys leading a dog on one chain and a girl on the other.

Her hair was messed up and greasy, she was higher than everyone at this party combined yet people talked to her like she was clear-headed. Bruises covered some parts of her body, but they look like they're from shooting up in all the wrong places if anything. Who knows? Sai and I followed them with our eyes before looking at each other, knowing that some fucked up shit was about to go down.

The dog didn't look any happier, he just stood there with an exhausted expression about him. His eyes were pitch black and emotionless. Hairs missing from some parts of his body.

_Poor thing..._

They walked into the living room and we began to hear announcements for the "show".

"Dude." I say to Sai.

"Let's go. Let's' watch this..._show." _Sai staunchly stands up and refuses the bunch of coke hungry beggars like they were flies._  
>"<em>I...I gotta be honest with you man, I don't want to watch that shit."  
>"Get your shit and let's go. Larxene!"<br>She turns her attention away from some fuck boy, "Yeah?"

Sai walks up and whispers something in her ear before she nods and leaves the room. Afterward, he pushes through the crowd out to the living room. I follow out hesitantly where this dog and this girl are being walked around in a circle on the leashes. Lights are beaming down the center of the living room where they shuffled in a circle as more and more sick fucks gather around.

"Who's ready for a fuckin' show!?" The guy speaks up in the crowd as everyone cheers. People start throwing cash in a bucket being passed around. For the few seconds it passed in front of us I inhale deep and hock a loogie perfectly in the bucket of cash.

The dog whimpers slightly before being yanked around in the leash even harder.

"We got two bitches for you, you want to see this shit?!"

As the crowd erupted in cheers, I wonder what the fuck I've gotten myself into yet again. Why I hang out with Sai anymore. Why didn't I just ignore his calls earlier? Being a fry cook does not sound bad right now.

"We're taking her." He says to me in a matter of fact tone.  
>"You really think taking some wasted chick in the back seat of your ride is a good idea? I say let's dump Larxene here and call it good. She'd like it here."<br>"No, not her. The dog. We're taking her."

"Good luck with that." I say, crossing my arms.

"You're helping."  
>"No."<br>"It's a fucking order."

I try to keep my voice low as my frustration grew, "Yeah, well, that's not my fucking job_ Saix_."

Sai, being the usual Sai on coke and a power trip, grabs me by my shirt and yanks me close, "You won't have a fucking job or a place to lay your fucking head at night in a second if you don't comply. So I suggest you_ shut up_ _and listen_, _Axel_." Like that, he pushes me off of his palms slightly and I spit on the carpeted floor, too pissed to say anything.

"I want the good shit." I say in his ear.  
>"What?"<p>

"You heard me. I want the uncut shit if you want me to bend over for this dog. I know you have it, and I want it now."

"You kidding me? You can't even function on that shit, you're a fucking wreck."

"Then forget about the fucking mutt, and let's fucking do what we came here to do. I know for a fucking fact that Mar isn't going to be happy if he finds out you burned a ton of customers over some dog."

He breathes in _super _pissed, as though he's about to bust me in the gut. Sai closes his eyes, breathes, and curses under his breath as he searches his pockets.

He pulls out a small baggie reluctantly and slams it into my chest.

"Go outside and talk to Larxene. You guys need to make mass hysteria ensue, or some shit. Just get people freaking out."  
>"Mass hysteria? What am I the goddamn president? How the fuck are we gonna make our cash?"<br>"Set the place on fire. I don't care what you guys do to make it happen. Just make it fucking happen. I'll handle the rest."

_Yeah, the rest being you saving a fucking dog. You get the easiest job in this plan Sai, easiest job. Nice._

He pats my back hard, "I hired you for a reason Axel. I trust you. Don't fail me. You fail me and I'll fucking kill you."  
>Sai leaves me in the crowded room. As I got bumped back and forth by people (<em>sick fucks) <em>eager to get a closer view of the show, I pop open the tiny bag, tilting my head way back before dumping the last of the pure coke in my nostril. I snort it way back, waiting for it to hit the back of my throat.

I don't waste time, rushing outside and looking around before Larxene scares the shit out of me.  
>"Hey!" She breathes heavily. I look down and see makeup smeared all over her face, like the fucking Joker except worse. Her smile is big, and it looks like she's finding this to be one big game.<p>

"That is sloppy as fuck." I tell her.

"That's the point. I need you to guard the car, I'm going to go to one of the neighbors houses and…" She stops as she rips her shirt open down the middle, crawling on the ground to get dirt all over her body before she stands up again to unbutton her pants and rip her panties.

"The fuck are you doing?" I ask as I look around hesitantly, afraid of being spotted with her.

"I just got gangbanged at this party and I wasn't a willing participant Ax. Oh, and I'm going to tell them that my child is in there. The cops come, shut this whole operation down and we speed the fuck out of here with that mutt Sai managed to fall in love with." She tugs her hair in all directions before her face twists up and she begins to cry. I think it's genuine tears for a second and wonder what the hell Sai told her to make her break down like this.

"What the fuck is wrong with you all of the sudden…?"  
>"I…I learned….how….to cry on command w-when I was a kid…is this good?" Her tears are falling without pause and as impressive as it is, I kinda wish she'd stop already. I feel wrong standing in front of her while she's like this.<p>

"Dedicated to the cause I see… Y-you're good."  
>"Good. Just s-start the car." She runs off into the darkness.<p>

_Well shit…._

**-x-**

I get to the dorm's parking lot half past eight just in time to see the party that's going on in our dorm's building. I can hear the music from here, and lights are flashing like it's a rave in the downstairs lobby.

Tons of people occupied the parking lot tonight, music blaring heavily from every angle. I strolled through the large hunks of metal that people—I myself included—prided themselves on as I looked towards my own hunk of metal. As I got closer, I noticed a group of guys hanging out not to far from my car. Something told me to just ignore it, don't look at my ride. To just go to my room. But I couldn't. I stopped just short of the hood, looking onto the brick lodged into my windshield.

I walk, noticing my deflated tires...

I hear those guys laughing a few cars away, talking about me. Boasting about the damage they did.

Yeah, they fucked my car up pretty good, considering it's a piece of fucking metal only chumps like them can only dream of getting.

I'll give them that.

I lean down, pulling out a cheap knife from the deflated tire before standing up and giving them a dirty glare.  
>I see Seifer in the driver's seat of the car they gathered on and gripped the knife tightly in my hand.<p>

_What I would give to shove this down your fucking-_

Instead of going to my dorm room, I hightail it to the security office. Just as I turn around and start leaving the parking lot, Dem spots me and rushes over.

"Hey what's up? I don't know if you noticed but there's a killer party going on in the lobby. Did ya just get back from Reno's?"  
>"Yeah." I'm fuming, but I try to keep it under wraps. It doesn't help that I'm speeding down the grass with heavy stomps, pushing groups of kids out of my way.<p>

"Yeah well, fuck Reno. What the hell is his problem? I mean, so I shouldn't sneak in your house, you don't have to kill me over it. Sheesh. Now I _have _to prank him next month. I hope he knows I'm mad at him now."

I ignore him, enveloped in my own angry thoughts.

"Hey dude you okay?" He asks when he notices my lack in response.

"Dandy."


	34. Chapter 34

_So much for me causing the mass hysteria….._

I'm stuck leant up against the car, waiting for Sai or Larxene to show up. No way am I gonna hunt down for the car keys now. I see people come and go from the party, the look of excitement and disgust present on their faces as they bumped around plastered with their crew. Girls in 15 dollar dresses acting like it's worth 100, guys walking around with graphic-tee's decked out in plastic-like designs...

I sit on the trunk of the car, staring at the street lights as a thousand thoughts ran through my mind. I crave bigger, better crowds and customers than this. I mean, obviously Sai and I can do better than _this._

Cheap ass college kids aren't cutting it. Suburban kids with just a trust fund and helicopter parents aren't cutting it anymore. The people who pay valets to drive around for hours to find the number one parking spot, the wealthy who fly in their own private decked out jets, the people who pawn off their children to a maid for the rest of their lives because they have shit to run.

_That's _the crowd I want to be associated with.

**-x-**

"They slashed my tires and busted my windshield."  
>"What?"<p>

"They _what?_" I hear Dem ask from behind. I had almost forgotten his presence.

I can smell the hot pots of coffee flow through the small muggy security office. Guys decked out in uniform watching television as the security cams hanging over their heads change to different parts of the campus every five seconds or so. It's the same group of guys that I've reported to many times before with no outcome.

Other times I played along with their games, assuming that I may even just be in doubt.

"_Sick people like you always feel 'victimized' when in reality, all the hate you feel is cascading out of yourself. Sora, you cannot be gay and happy. You are sick. You are a sick boy, who can use his disease as a weapon. We can cure you, we can help you. You don't have to turn your anger outwards onto others."_

I clench my jaw, remembering that there is no talking to a mad man. "My tires have been slashed, there's a brick in my windshield, and I have a reason to believe that it's the same guy who assaulted me months ago."  
>"So...your tires have been slashed...You seen 'em do it?"<br>"No...but the guys I suspect did it were a few parking spaces ahead of mine, laughing at me. Here's the knife. The brick is still lodged in my windshield."

I place the only piece of evidence I had down on their desk.

The guys behind the desk look at each other and shrug, "Just because people laugh at ya doesn't mean they're the exact perpetrators."

I inhale sharply, balling my fists as I felt like the butt of the joke yet again. There's a goddamn knife on the table and they're acting as though it's fake and irrelevant. I wipe the growing sweat away from my hairline, feeling my nerves get all out of whack.

"It's a crime that happened on campus, I've reported shit like this multiple times before and you fucks are just gonna give me the same damn answer?" I felt my bluntness cut the noise. I actually became frightened as the guy behind the desk, big and brawny, stands ups slowly to meet me eye to eye. I breathe carefully, as if I didn't want to alert this guy of my present fear. I'm sure he senses it.

"Get out of here. File a report with the Dean if you have any issues. We can't do anything with no witnesses."

It was as though I was playing a dangerous game of tug-o-war. Let docile Sora take over and lose all respect for myself all over again, or let aggressive Sora take over and be pushed over by no one.

"Fuck that. I want you fat bastards to get off your ass and do something, _now."_

"You want to get put in cuffs now?"

"Sora, man, don't do this. Let's go." Dem places a hand on my chest, lightly shoving me away from the desk.

"Your buddy's been drinking tonight or something?"

"No sir-"  
>"-Fuck you!" I rage, holding back the immense impulse to spit in this guy's face.<p>

"Sora, Sora Sora..." Dem puts both hands on my arms and pushes me back against a wall, trying to calm me down when I'm in the midst of losing it.

"It's not worth it. Not here. Not now."  
>"They've been doing this to me for months! I can't afford to buy new tires or a windshield! I can't afford any of this shit! I can't study when people are always on my fucking case! I can't do this anymore!" I break down shamelessly and he holds me in his arms.<p>

"We don't have cameras recording 24/7, and even if we did it would be hard to get a positive ID on the perpetrators. If you have a problem with it, take it up with the Dean, or even the cops. We can't help you here. Also, if your buddy here doesn't calm down, we're going to have to detain him."

"_Bullshit!_"

**-x-**

I sat on the side of the door leading into my dorm room, feeling my heart ripping out of me. All the time I spent busting my ass off to get away from the hate….from that stupid fucking island….It's no different. Hate is universal. How naïve of me to think that I'd be accepted here…

Our whole upstairs is a dark, bass filled rave with neon lights pumping about. With how much everyone's partying and getting down, I feel so...alone.

Where are you when I need you most, Axel?

I can't stand the sight of people getting on so well. Demyx is sitting next to me for some fucking reason I can't understand. You'd think he'd be ten dixie cups deep right about now, but he's just quiet.

Smiling toward me whenever I even so much as glance at him. I hate it. Why on earth is he bothering with me when he could be having the time of his life?

I abandon the hallway in favor of the gray stairwell, where I can actually hear myself sigh. And of course Demyx follows me all the same. Sitting down next to me, his long legs crossed comfortably in his ripped jeans as he politely smiles past his long undone bangs to people passing.

I wished he'd just….leave me alone.

As much as I feel like I can, I can't cry over this anymore.

I physically can't.

All I feel is rage.

Undeniable rage building up within me. How dare they make a fool out of me. How dare they bestow the title of "punching bag" onto me. They don't know me. They can't push me to the limit. I'll push myself to the goddamn limit.

I'm outnumbered. But I'm not a coward.

Maybe they can put a bullet in my head and end it...if they really are that dangerous.  
>It beats doing it myself.<p>

I'd rather instigate violence than be a victim of it.

I'd rather entice my death from the likes of them than to do it myself. I'm not a coward….

At least, that's what I tell myself.

"I wish I had the balls to do it myself Demyx...I really do." It slips my lips without me thinking, but I hardly care what he makes of it. He puts his arm around my shoulders, a worried look coming across his face.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing." I smile, it's so fake I feel my face breaking. He knows it's fake. He ignores it.

"Dude, let's go to the police and file a report."  
>"Don't want to."<p>

He sighs," Let's go to your room. Let's have a few beers, smoke one of your famous joints and forget about it dude. We'll worry about your car tomorrow."

"...Right."

**-x-**

They pass me a beer and I sit on the desk, mostly staring out my window to avoid small talk. People are talking about Pence's new position around the dorm as resident advisor, and I can't even be happy for him. No, instead I harbor my anger like precious energy, staring down my fucked up car.

I don't drink.

I don't smoke; don't even have a cigarette.

I know better than that.

Roxas is here, apparently after admitting himself to the hospital to get help for his very real concussion. He looks at me, nodding as he chatted up Olette. Complimenting her hair, admiring her style…..

I wish I was him. I wish I was him _so fucking bad._

I wish I could just….

People come and go. Pence tries to talk to me but I ignore him and take note of Seifer's every move. I see him walk past my car and put a cigarette out on the hood as he neared toward a group of girls. I hear the guys talking about me and I almost want to yell, but I hold off. I hear Roxas about to talk my ear off, but Dem stops him and they start bickering.

"Dude he doesn't want to talk."  
>"He's my brother he's gonna have to."<p>

Bickering.

No one here fucking understands it though.

No one here will ever fucking understand it.

I wish that these windows would open, I would throw myself out onto the concrete floor. Splatter my insides amongst anyone nearby. My brain matter, my muscles, my eyeballs and my entrails.

My heart.

It'd all go _splat._

People would scream.

I would fade away, burning my torn apart image within their minds forever.

I should've done it a long time ago.

I stand up and give Pence the warm untouched beer I've been holding for about an hour now and dart past the door. I make note to drop the blade I specifically bought for Seifer's throat months ago on the hallway floor and jump over the steps just to get to the first floor quicker.

I look around the parking lot, seeing nothing but headlights and blurred faces as I make my way past the crowd again.

As soon as I reach my car, I notice that Seifer and his friends are still hanging out in another car. They pay attention to me as I jump on the hood of my car and attempt to yank the brick out with my bare hands.

The glass shards find a way to cut and make me bleed, but nothing stung more than their laughter. After five seconds of struggling, the brick comes out, along with a decent chunk of glass. I throw the brick to the pavement as blood drips from my hands to the light blue paint of the car.

I look over to Seifer, wiping the rest of my blood away on my pant legs as I approached the car he was sitting in. He turned on the car, as if he was going to run me over, but I knew he wouldn't do something so stupid when he's boxed in five cars deep at every angle.

I can swear I hear people scream my name.

I don't care.

I walked over to the passenger seat of the car and bang on the window with my blooded fist three times.

**-x-**

_Come on….damn it._

I drum my fingers on the top of the car, looking back and forth down the dark streets nervously. I had imagined one of the two psychos would have emerged by now, but I haven't even received a text. Right as I'm about to pull out my cellphone to call one of them, I hear sirens nearing in from afar.

_No way is this actually happening…._

A part of me wants to throw my hands up in the air and walk away, but I know Sai needs me more than ever on this…..I _guess._

I hear people approach from behind me and get too excited too soon, "It's about fucking time-"  
>One guy grabs the back of my shirt and slams me back on the car, "Where the fuck are your friends?"<br>"Who the fuck are you?" I push off the car angrily, resisting the guys grip as much as possible before his other friend pushes me back against the cold metal top.

I growl, "I don't know where they are! The fuck off of me you fucking-"  
>"-Don't fuck with us! Okay? We know you guys were scheming…."<p>

I hear them whisper as I focused on the top of the car, my breath becoming harsh as I looked around anxiously.

"This your fucking car bro?"  
>"No it's not my fucking car, <em>bro." <em>I answer sarcastically and feel them loosen up on me just the tiniest bit.

"Fucking shake this guy."

"Wait wha-" I feel them all make an attempt to grab at my backpack but I duck away from their grip and move into the middle of the street, where they attempted to close in on me.

"I don't have the fucking coke, or the cash." I tell them, hoping they'll believe me about the coke bit the most since that's the only thing I carry. The sirens only get louder before I see the lights flashing, and the guys start getting nervous, looking back at the house where there's probably a dead girl they should be worried about in the middle of a crowd by now.

_Yes!_

Before I know it, Larxene appears out of nowhere with a random old couple, pointing at the guys who were just about to beat the living shit out of me. They didn't wait for confrontation and ran off inside somewhere.

"Hey!" The random good Samaritan gentleman chased after them as the woman followed hesitantly. Once she had left our sight, Larxene waves me over to the car as she unlocked it and jumped in the driver's seat. I don't take another second before hopping in and locking the doors, as though that'd keep all the bad guys out.

"Do you know where Sai is?" I ask, looking around as people started surging out of the house.  
>"No fucking clue, he just said to drive around the block and <em>hope <em>that we see him."  
>"Fucking great. I almost got my ass kicked over this."<p>

She reverses the car and drives out. We begin circling the block as I rolled down the window, looking for any sign of the blue-haired elf lookin' dog loving motherfucker. We must've rolled around ten times before we stopped on the opposite end of the block, watching cop cars line up outside the house from a far.

"Fuck!" I slam my fist on the dashboard and make a move to get out of the car.

"Stop." She says, grabbing hold of my arm.

"He's in there probably getting his ass beat or arrested, what else are we gonna do?"  
>"We wait." She turns on the radio to what sounds like a screaming match. Her taste in music hasn't changed a bit, as she sings along to every word this guy screams.<p>

_Ugh…anything's better than this shit._

And so we waited, and waited, and waited. My foot tapped wildly on the ground of the car, my body badly wanting to burn off energy. Larxene keeps herself busy, calling Sai over and over again, leaving messages and texts hoping that he'll say _something._

I look over and stare at Larxene, noting how much she's changed. I didn't expect her to be this loyal to anyone, _ever_…..

Back then, she'd let me get out of the car and drive off into the fucking sunset. But now….

Maybe her and Sai are…..

A bloody hand slaps up against her side of the window and startles us both.

"Shit!" She unlocks the door as Sai pushes the dog in the back seat before hoping in.

"I'm being chased, drive." He says, his breathing rash as he closes the door.

"What?" She asks frightened, as though she needs an explanation.

"Aye they didn't stab ya did they?" I ask, noting the blood on his hands and face.

A car smashes into the bumper and honks riotously. As they back up, preparing to do more damage to us, Larxene fumbles putting the car into drive.

"DRIVE." He reiterates, locking the doors.

"I heard you the first time!" Obvious misstatement.

The tires screech against the asphalt as we peel out onto the road. The screamo blasting through the radio does little to console us and our adrenaline rush, but maybe that's a good thing. I twist around my seatbelt to see if we're being followed.

"We're being trailed." He says, wiping blood away from his nose. The dog whimpers, to which Sai replies to by holding him closer.

Poor thing.

"Larxene, I need you to do better." He tells her from the backseat like this is a career promotion evaluation appointment. Her hands are shaky on the wheel as she struggles to stay straight on the road. I see real tears in her eyes this time, as though she's about to lose it for real. I can see how much she doesn't want this.

"What do you mean?! We're gonna get caught we're gonna go to jail!"

"Don't think about that." I state the obvious. I mean, we're drug dealers.

...Yeah.

"Stay calm. Stay on the back roads and pull a U-turn when I tell you." He completely ignores her fears, setting up a plan he knows might end up killing us. These back roads are narrow, pot holes and random speed bumps showing up out of nowhere as we race down the two way street. We're all secretly praying that we don't crash into another car and flip over into a damn explosion.

"What?!"

"We're gonna fucking die." I wanted to go on record for saying it first before we get to hell.

"U-Turn now now now!" He demands.

"But-"I see her about to stop everything, her leg leaving the pedal as she pulls her hands away from the wheel.  
>Without thinking, I take the wheel from the passenger's seat and yanked it towards me as I pushed her thigh back down, forcing her foot back on the pedal. This sends us all scooting to the right. We clip a parked car and almost crash, but we end up lucky.<p>

That was all she needed.

Larxene takes back control of the wheel, speeding down the residential neighborhood as though it was a highway, taking slick left and right turns before we made it all the way to a burger joint by the freeway.

The minute we came to a stop, and the car turned off, everything fell silent. I turn in my seat to see the dog, resting his chin on Sai's lap as he received the heavy petting he deserved. Sai stared up to the roof of his car, avoiding eye contact probably because he knows he almost got us all killed over a dog.

"Well _shit_. I'm getting out." I say.

He breaks out in hysterical laughter, and all me and Larxene can do is stare at each other.

Saix _doesn't _laugh. It's a fact of life. You go to school, and that's the first thing they teach you. Dude just doesn't laugh.

"Are you serious right now Saix?! After we all almost died!?" She flips around, pissed off. All he does is looks at her.

And laughs.

She tries to hide her smile and stay pissed, "What the fuck is your issue?"  
>"Your face." He says, barely breathing through his laughter.<p>

"I can't believe this shit…" I chuckle, lighting a cigarette as I happily pulled my ass out of the car.

**-x-**

"Get the fuck out of the car."  
>He says something but I can't hear it through the glass.<p>

He's cocky, smiling at me as he reclined the seat of his chair. My hands were already swollen, so I knew I couldn't bust his windows in like he did mine.

I grabbed the car door handle and swung it wide open as hard as I could before yanking Seifer out of his hiding spot.

I couldn't feel a thing, all I remember was hitting him.

Over and over and over again.  
>I didn't stop.<p>

"Piece of shit!"

He lives in my nightmares. I'm kicking him out.

"Sora!" Roxas calls out, but I can't see him.

As his friends close in on me, I swing at every fucking face I saw with one hand, holding Seifer in the longest choke hold I have ever managed with my free arm. All I can hear is people screaming and shouting. I can't see past the sea of bodies, not like it matters when I have him though.

Angry faces keep closing in on me as I promise myself….

_Don't let him go. Don't let this go, __**ever.**_

"Go back home you ugly fucking fresh off the boat faggot!" I hear from one of his homies, and his racism only phases me a little.

"Don't listen to them! Kick his ass Sora!" I hear from another angle.

I couldn't feel it, but I remember being knocked back and forth, bracing myself. My hair being yanked, my arms scratched raw. Hits being landed on me from left to right.  
>All these guys I never knew hated me….<p>

All I could smell was the sweat and blood off of our bodies, our clothes...

Had it not been for Roxas, Hayner and surprisingly enough, Dem intervening and pushing guys off of Seifer and I, I would be done on the ground. I see them getting just as much as I am, maybe even more as they push the excess amount of people away from us.

I ended up slamming Seifer on the hood of a random car, getting in as many punches as I could. He hits me back, and I sense him struggling under me. I tear up, not sure if it's from the pain of his hits or….

"I'm not so fucking easy alone, am I!?" I scream in his fucking face, holding onto the collar of his shirt like he once did mine.

"Sora stop!" I feel Hayner's arms wrap around me whole, and soon all the guys are there, holding me back, holding the crowd back. My breath of fresh air didn't last long, as people began swinging again before we knew it.

I hear people chanting. I can't discern their words, all I feel is rage.

"Don't do this to yourself!" He pleas.  
>"Move!" I yank myself free of their grip, pushing through as I grabbed after a now frightened Seifer.<p>

I can see it in his body language.

I got him right where I want him. His friends are gone. My friends aren't coming to help me.

I _need _this.

People start backing up more and I let him stand on his own two for the first time without slamming him down. His punches fail to register and I swing back faster, harder. Time feels as though it's standing still. We just go at it as though it's nothing. When we fall, we get back up and go at it even harder. His cocky smile fades a bit more every time I get back up, to the point where I'm the one getting cocky.

I am zapped back to every moment I've ever had to fight for myself.

Every moment I've ever decided to _stop_ being the punching bag.

"S'that all you got, bitch!?" I jab him in his face, seeing it to be the only place I care for him to hurt.

I _want _him to hurt whenever he looks someone in the face.

I _want _him to become the _freak._

Become the faggot, Seifer.

Become me.

I want to end it all, going on the offense as he backs away, protecting his face to the best of his ability.

His only goddamn choice.

I lick my blooded lips, smile before landing a hit right on his throat. He crouches away immediately and I take my last hits out on him as all the eyes watched us intently. He's not even trying anymore, just hiding.

Like a….

"Sora stop the cops!"

It didn't register.

I didn't care.

All these bright flashing lights? I can't see 'em.

All these authoritative voices on the intercom telling us to stop? Can't hear 'em.

All I notice is Seifer's fists turning into flattened palms, pushing me away. That's the universal sign for _"I lose"_.

_I. Win_.

"Fucking coward." I finally stop, getting ready to walk away from this pathetic piece of shit.

Yeah, and that's when I was thrown to the ground by an officer.

"Fuck!" I say from the instant pain.

He twists my arm behind my back, inching his knee into my spine as things come into focus.

…Oh no….what did I do? No no no no...

"Unless you want to get arrested or detained I suggest you go back into your dorms, now! If you don't go to this school, you have no business here and you need to leave, now! We're gonna start taking down names in a second!" The officer shouts, making students flee the scene. I see Seifer try to charge me before getting thrown down and cuffed by the guy's partner.

"I'll kill you, you fucking faggot! You hear me!? I'll fucking kill you!" He screams from behind us. I retire, letting my swollen cheek rest upon the cool gravelly pavement as I felt metal circle enclose my wrists.

I twist my head to look up into the sky, to see the stars. But I can't.

Tears begin flooding my eyes as I shook.

The flashing lights won't let me.

**-x-**

"Drive faster Sai!" I say texting Roxas and Hayner furiously.

Ten minutes into my high speed chase break and I just got news that he's beating the shit out of some kid.

No time to rest, I gotta get there.

We speed down the highway all the way to Sora's place, where kids stood outside the brick wall smoking cigarettes and talking. I see the flashing lights past the walls and see a part of the parking lot blocked by cop cars. I hop out of the seat before Sai stops the car to get there faster.

I'm higher than I should be dealing with all these cops and shit, but I need Sora to be okay right now. There's an ambulance parked by the doors to the dorm, where I see Dem and Pence talking.

"Where is he?" I asked instantly. Dem grabs his face, "They're arresting him right now."

The collar of his shirt is ripped, and his neck was red. He definitely didn't get out untouched.

"No no no…..why?"

"They won't tell me shit dude. I keep trying to tell them what Seifer did, they won't listen. They won't even listen to Pence, and he's a fucking advisor now." Dem shakes his head in woe.

"At one point, all these kids tried to jump Sora, so we had to stop them."

"I've got part of it on camera, I'm just waiting to see if the cops'll let me speak to them." Pence says.

I jog near the scene, my heart dropping as I saw Sora sitting on the hood of a cop car as they give him a breathalyzer test. His eyes are red. His hair a mess, his dirty jacket falling off his slick shoulder as he held himself up. The contents of his pockets are on display on the hood of the car. The hands behind his back are not ones I'm familiar with. Rugged, blooded….raw. They clench and un-clench. They take the tube away from his mouth and he begins to speak.

"Please don't arrest my brother, he has nothing to do with this." He says in a shaky voice.  
>"Depends on what stories we get, kid. What happened?"<p>

I bite my lip, seeing Roxas a few cars down talking to cops with his hand in cuffs. His body is animated as he explains his side of the story. In another cop car, Hayner is already sitting in the back, doors closed as his head lay up against the window. Some other guys I don't know are in cuffs, getting the same treatment.

They begin trying to question Sora, but he shuts his mouth.

Smart kid.

"You gonna talk, or do you just want to go to jail?"  
>He huffs, "I'm not talking to you."<p>

"Okay, then you're under arrest. Oh, and I hope you know that since you're still using a student visa, you may end up getting deported. Okay let's go." The cop grabs his arm and leads him to the backseat of his cruiser.

"Wh-What do you mean deported?"  
>"If you don't want to talk to me about what happened, you can talk to the judge and figure all of that out, okay? Okay. Let's go."<p>

"What am I under arrest for?"  
>"Right now? Aggravated assault. Maybe more, maybe less, depending on what info we get in the next few hours."<p>

I see Sora bite his bottom lip, shaking his head as he heard his charges.

I don't waste time and walk over casually to the cop car, alarming the big bad officer with my presence I suppose as he takes a step back to assess the current level of danger I pose.

"And who might you be?"

"Axel. I'm his boyfriend. Can I tell him something before he goes?" I say honestly.  
>"Yeah." The cop doesn't think twice and stands away for a while, talking to the other officer who was just questioning Roxas.<p>

"Axel….I'm scared. I can't get deported I_ can't_ go back home after this. Donny's gonna kick my ass if..." Tears begin cascading down Sora's sweet face as I wipe them away.

"I know, I know…. You'll be fine. It's not gonna happen."

"I don't….I didn't mean to…He just….my car…." He breaks down on my shoulder and I hold him tight, knowing this is going to be the last time I see him for god knows how long.

"You guys need to wrap it up." The officer says from behind.

"Eat shit…." I say under my breath.

"Please make sure Roxas isn't alone after this. Please I don't know what'll happen if-if-"  
>"Shhh…." I say, pulling myself away from him slightly. Sora hangs his head low as I tapped his knee.<p>

"I'm gonna get you out on bail before you know it. You're gonna have a court date, and this shit is gonna be dismissed."

"I'm gonna get deported."  
>"Babe I promise you, you won't. Don't believe a word of what the cops tell you, they're just trying to scare you. I need you to stop crying by the time you make it to jail, okay? You call me the minute you get the chance to, I'll be waiting." I pull his jacket up neatly on his shoulder as I squeezed his shoulders.<p>

"_Axel….I don't want to go..." _He squeezes out as he begins crying more.

"I know, I know. But you'll be okay. You're strong like that."  
>"My mom can't know..."<br>"I know. She won't find out anything."

I stare him deep in the eyes one last time, feeling myself rip in half as I held his face in the palm of my hand. He nuzzles it, inhaling deeply as he smiled softly. His big blue eyes look at me, wanting what I wish I could give him right now.

Freedom.

He doesn't belong in prison, let alone jail. He's too good of a kid, I know my Sora. He's nothing like me...he doesn't deserve this.

I gotta get him out. No matter what.

"Alright, step back. Time to go."  
>I kiss his cut lips one last time before stepping away from the car. His glassy eyes watch me as the door closes shut.<p>

"You'll be okay." I mouth over and over again, blowing him a kiss. The car starts up and rides away, taking my precious Sora away.


End file.
